7 Keys to Becoming a Classy Woman

how to be classy

7 Keys to Becoming a Classy Woman

Traditionally, classy means to be stylish and elegant; respectable and lovely. However, I find the traditional definition and ideas of how to be classy can be slightly limiting, depending on how you interpret it.

So let’s re-define classy in a better way: a genuine, feminine and high quality woman who holds herself and thinks of herself highly regardless of what life circumstances may present, and despite what other people may think. A classy woman does not judge herself regardless of what mistakes she might make and knows that aiming for perfection is really failure because it is just a way to beat yourself up inside. Moreover, because of these attributes, a classy woman can handle all social situations and conversation with confidence.

That being said, here are the 7 Keys to becoming a classy woman.

1) You should start by being a high quality woman and projecting (marketing) yourself as such.

What is classy is special. Classy is something you don’t get on your average street corner. However, the reason high class women are so rare is because most women give trash. The reason they give trash is because they think trash (about themselves and others), talk trash, and habitually focus on trash.

You cannot be high class if you don’t THINK you are high class. You have to start by believing you are top stuff. (If you’re wondering how to do that, please see the next dot-point). It’s your job to market what you have, and to market yourself, you have to believe you are It.

If you don’t think marketing yourself is important, then I must tell you that you could be the best woman around – loyal, sweet, dynamic – and people wouldn’t have a clue. Marketing yourself doesn’t mean to yell and shout about yourself (far from it). Marketing yourself – is all about holding yourself highly, and acting so (impeccable self-respect, NOT carelessness). There’s a difference. For example, the difference between making a mistake and “not giving a ****” and making a mistake, acknowledging it, and proceeding to move on and do better. The former is about the woman having little regard for herself, and the latter is all about her valuing herself and others. (read my article about the quick contrast of light and dark feminine)

A high quality woman is a woman of value and a woman of value is one who values the happiness of others, and who is considerate. People will rarely perceive real value in you unless you give THEM something. Think of what a typical low value and low quality woman looks and acts like. Usually, this kind of woman is so significance-driven that she is habitually unable to listen, to care for or to help others. Typically, this kind of woman makes you cringe because she gives the female gender a bad name. She may even frustrate you with anger because you simply can’t get a word in and let’s face it, it’s HARD being around someone who doesn’t care about you at all.

A woman of low value has such a low sense of self-worth that it’s impossible for her to perceive what life is like from another angle. She’s too in to herself! It’s very much a case of ‘the empty vessel makes the most noise’.

Here is what a high quality woman is NOT: She is not someone who is constantly sucking value from others.

2) Develop rituals that support your sense or self-worth.

As I stated above, a classy woman is a woman with a high sense of self-worth and who also projects herself that way. And high self-worth only comes from knowing you are worthy.

However – you can only truly know, and feel, with certainty that you are worthy when you DO enough, ACCOMPLISH enough, and GIVE enough (to yourself and others) that you have little choice but to give yourself utmost respect. (read my article about do beautiful woman intimidate men)

If you think I’m talking about accomplishments in the traditional ‘career’ sense that this world so encourages for women, you’re wrong. This is not a true, lasting accomplishment. I’m talking about emotional fitness: a woman who can hold her own yet give her heart in the face of grave fears.

So – develop rituals: whether that be a daily practice of gratitude, A daily resolve to push a little further on your spiritual path with your spouse or your children, a daily practice of viewing life as a playground rather than a battleground and looking for the evidence to support that belief, a daily ritual of giving love rather than judgments – it’s up to you.

These rituals are a way to make you actually feel great about yourself. Not just empty self-talk. And have you ever been in a group of women and one was crying over a tragedy (being lied to by a man or something) and all the girls are saying “don’t worry honey, you can get anyone you want – he’s just a slag”. Well, this is mostly useless because most women in this situation don’t make any changes – and just then proceed to think trash. You must to think GOLD thoughts to become Gold.

Example: you can use this as a measure of your sense of self-worth and confidence: If you were dropped in the middle of a daunting social situation, say, the red carpet tomorrow in among the most respected, poised and famous leaders, philanthropists, business men and women, actresses, designers, etc – would you be comfortable, and looking forward to the event? Would you believe that you too, have something of value to bring to the occasion?

3) A high class woman rarely loses her cool.

There are, of course, situations in which a woman will feel and seem crazy, needs to raise her voice and get angry and that is fine. You don’t want to be one-dimensional.

However, the point here is not to just not lose your cool, or not to have anger, it’s about having the mindset that allows you to move forward and not damage things with people unnecessarily because of your need to feel better and significant in a moment, in a misunderstanding with someone who means a lot to you, or any other difficult situation.

This is about a confidence in yourself to be able to handle anything that happens. I know this is not easy, because sometimes, we feel very uncertain, vulnerable, lost, unloved, hurt, shocked, and overwhelmed. We all have those moments – but remember, it is what you do about it, most of the time (not some of the time) that counts. (Please see dot point 2 for a strategy on what to do). It really goes back to valuing yourself.

4) Great Posture. 

Probably one of the most important attributes a classy woman must have is great posture. I’ve done a video and post on posture (with the help of my Hero, my Man, David). You can see it here: 3 Steps to Good Posture Instantly. The reason posture is so important is because it affects how others perceive you a lot more than you could imagine. If a woman holds herself highly, she usually has great posture and people are drawn to this. It’s one of the quickest, fastest and best ways to market yourself and to feel better about yourself. As humans, we are all drawn to people or things that seem to be of high value, and to humans who project themselves as high value.

We want the best because it means a better experience, a better quality of life, more safety (at a primal level, mostly in our subconscious).

If a woman walks around with her shoulders slumped, people subconsciously pick up on this energy! I promise you! Even if they don’t consciously know your posture is bad. Go check out the video now. Go! Here it is again: How to get good posture.

5) Authenticity, authenticity, AUTHENTICITY.

Contrary to popular belief, being classy and elegant isn’t about “self-control” or holding things in. It’s not about being a stoic.

Always be authentic. You could have just lost a dear family member, your dog could have gotten run over, you could have had a big issue with your best friend, you could be down about losing your job, or just life’s problems, and that is all fine – as long as you are authentic.

A classy woman doesn’t fake happiness. This is false advertising, and false marketing! You can be grieving, or experiencing emotional suffering, and still be classy. All you have to do is acknowledge the pain, perhaps share your feelings with others, but still hold yourself with grace and poise.

To actually be authentic, you must value being authentic more than you value having another kind of ‘identity’. This identity problem consumes a lot of us women. For example, a lot of women are actually feeling hurt at a given time but pretend to be the happy mother, friend or wife, because they don’t want to have the identity of being silly or overly sensitive (in this masculine world, we tend to look down on a woman’s natural and biological gift of emotions – and our ability to feel these emotions for an extended period of time).

Drop the identity thing and go for authenticity. Authenticity rules over anything. More than ever now, people are starting to want what is real. Secretly, deep down (behind the masks that many of us put up) I think we all prefer to be around what is real. In the old days, it was a lot about ‘show’ and keeping ‘face’. Now, things are becoming more transparent. Also, we are sick of living in a fast-paced environment where people are always climbing the corporate ladder, valuing ‘things’ or money, and we want people who are clear rather than obscure.

6) Be True to Yourself

You cannot be classy unless you are true to yourself, so stay true to your feminine core and be OK being a woman. Don’t view having long hair as a drag, put the effort in to looking pretty and beautiful – women are supposed to look and more importantly, be attractive. This is only going to happen when you exude femininity, however.

It’s not about wanting to change what you’ve been given, or being superficial, it’s simply about taking pride in your femininity and your appearance.

Many younger as well as middle-aged women simply let themselves go. In other words, they start to value themselves less. They get fat, stop combing or styling their hair nicely (or cut it in to a short style that their husband hates), stop making the time to exercise, eat well or socialize.

Letting your appearance go can sometimes be a tell tale sign that you habitually feel bad about yourself, your life. or that you don’t care about yourself, which negates class.

Aging is not an issue for a classy woman. Age can and often does do wonderful things for a woman – including giving her added class, if she loves herself. Meryl Streep is a prime example.

Hint: Here is what classy is not: it’s not about having money. Look at Paris Hilton! Or perhaps Amy Winehouse. Enough said.

7) Dress modestly where it fits.

Don’t turn up to a classy function with your breasts overflowing. I have noticed that a lot of women use their large breast size as an excuse for not being able to keep them out-of-view. Regardless of breast size, small or large – a woman can choose to put them on show or not. (read my article about dressing feminine in the workplace)

Don’t turn up to your father’s 50th in a backless dress with plunging neck-line and a hem that barely passes your hip bone.

At certain times, or on certain occasions (social or private), it’s fine to show leg or cleavage. However, you must have the awareness and self-respect to judge correctly. And for most women, it’s not a matter of stupidity or ignorance of dress code, either. It’s really a matter of: how desperate are you for attention? Even if only subconsciously. How sure are you that you are valuable as a woman without revealing everything? How small do you really feel inside?

If a woman has a nice figure, (nice legs, breasts, bum) – people can actually tell, even if you’re wearing a turtle neck and tracksuit pants! Even if you’re wearing a paper bag! It’s just that it may not be as “eye-catching” because the vie for attention isn’t so obvious.

Make sure there are some nicely tailored dresses and pants in your wardrobe that are form-fitting, well-made and good quality. Even if you can only afford one or two pieces. It’s worth it.

Below is a list of women whose style and mannerisms you could choose to model. The best way to start dressing classy is to choose someone you identify with and see what she wears. Carefully observe the posture on these women!

Here are some possible examples of women with class:

Catherin Zeta-Jones

Meryl Streep

Kate Middleton

Michelle Pfeiffer

Natalie Portman

Nicole Kidman

Michelle Obama

Lucy Liu

Drew Barrymore

Julianne Moore

Rachel McAdams

Vanessa Paradis

You ;)

One final note: please remember that as a classy woman, you have the audacity to contribute to, as well as care for, those women who you perceive as less classy. Being classy is not about excluding people. If you haven’t downloaded my goddess report… click here to do so.

What do you think makes a woman classy? Please add your thoughts and advice in the comments section for what makes a classy woman so that we can learn from you. Peace and Love -XxX-

Renee the feminine woman

87 Comments

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  • lauren

    Reply Reply July 10, 2014

    you had my attention fully until you talked smack about having short hair. why would you limit femininity to only having long hair? and why does my husband have to love my hair for me to be classy?! i dont understand how that has ANYTHING to do with having a classy attitude and presenting myself as a lady.

  • Di'yah

    Reply Reply June 21, 2014

    I truly like this article. I am 20 years old and on my own. I want to be a classy and respectable person however in my society; if your not showing all of your ‘blessings’ as my mother calls it then our not sexy. Its truly sad the society that we live in really sexualize many things. I do agree with the value and core things she has been saying. I don’t really know what the word ‘smug’ is but based on how it is worded and spelt I assume something that isn’t so good. I don’t feel as though this article is smug, she has been doing this for about 5 years now and has evolved. I personally look forwarded to reading the things that you write. As I was going through this article I seen little tabs to click on other articles and I will be reading them as well. Keep up the amazing work as a woman!!

    From a Fellow Classy Woman in the Making,
    Di’yah

  • SarahElizabeth

    Reply Reply June 10, 2014

    Renee. I just really wanted to say that I found the article great and you do not sound smug or anything else ! Class is also about choosing battles and words wisely and bridling the tongue when it comes to criticism of others and some of the readers here obviously lack that and miss your abundance of positive information and intention to help others and build confidence. And the conversation regarding short hair is true. Many woman can carry themselves with great femininity in short hair but often so many cannot and do not and I meet many couples that I think wow they must live each other but the women act their man friend and I can guarantee that feminine women turn them on and there are times they are wishing they just had a hot woman !

  • Louise Eady

    Reply Reply April 24, 2014

    I am a grown woman in my late 40′s and find much of what Renee says as smug – as one other contributor (a male no less) has already noted, it smacks of narcissim. Advice is also confusing because it conflicts – I feel that Renee is playing at being a woman – she actually has no real idea of makes a woman feminine other than cleaning and never saying no to sex. She has a lot of growing up to do. One minute she is talking about spending quite an extraordinary period of time trying to understand a man and the next shoots down women who try and please, then trumpets classy women who are considerate of other people. Her advice is a poor imitation of Rori Raye who is the real deal.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply April 27, 2014

      Hi Louise Eady,

      Thanks for commenting.

      I think you’re right, my advice would have sounded smug in some cases. This is my BLOG – A work in progress going on for 4.5 years now. I’ve changed over time, I might have even grown. In the past some of my advice may have been sounding smug or arrogant, and it’s the way things are supposed to be – and I’d hope that anyone giving advice to other precious human beings would go through a phase of evolving beyond that stage. It’s meant to be.

      As for contradiction; I’m sorry, the contradictions are based on your own wordlview – the phrase ‘shoots down women’ for being pleasers was used by you. Hello? I didn’t shoot anyone down for being a pleaser – YOU FEEL shot down reading the article because you think it’s supposed to make you feel inferior; and you have had people in the past trying to hurt you this way. That was NOT my intent and you can see that clearly in my pleaser article if you were to read objectively and be honest with yourself.

      And understanding men is pleasing them? Is that what you think? Is that the only conceivable reason YOU would try to understand a man? Surely you’re not that one-dimensional.

      This is your world-view. Not mine. In the past, I would have tried to understand a man to please him at TIMES – But now my drive to understand a man is based on passion and curiosity.

      And, Rori Raye?

      Why the name dropping? What motivates you to name drop like that? Is she more relatable because she herself is in your age group and beyond? If so, I understand.

      And if not, maybe she’s just much better than me, and that’s ok. That means I need to get better and do better to contribute to my readers, and if so, thanks for signalling me that I need to do that. Your words have been heard and thank you for contributing.

      Have a good day,
      Renee.

      • Joan

        Reply Reply May 16, 2014

        What I really like about Renee’s site is that it has a blog and its a good place to go when there is a lot of pain. There is a lot of pain in relationships for women and I can name quite a few women who have pain right now just in my personal circle.

        It’s hard. When we stop to feel then it gets easier. That is all explained here in this site and even Renee’s site goes beyond that and I can tell you I have had a better quality of life overall because of Renee.

        Rori Raye, is great too. I can’t deny it. I do receive her newsletters but there is no blog. There is no place to go when I need the help right now. So I don’t think I’ll be buying her programs because I don’t know what she is all about really. But the newsletters are good.

        About authenticity and how to be is all offered for free by Renee. Rori tells us to be that way, but for someone like me I would have not known how to do that on my own.

        And I have to say by telling women to turn to Rori may get them lost. The goal here is to help and not just sell a program. As some men may say “snake oil” which is all it is until it is proven tried and true.

    • Felica

      Reply Reply July 12, 2014

      Louise,
      I am in my 40′s as well. And, yes, taking advice from a younger women who hasn’t lived as much as you or had her life derailed by trusting men may offend you. But, you can follow someone else without needing to put Renee down. Personally, I think she is very wise and gives valuable information to women of all ages but especially to younger women starting out to help them choose wisely. She does not come from the life experience of a divorcee with a kid to raise without the man she so depended on and believed in (or desperately tries to keep). Many older women come from that perspective – which is valid but just not the focus here. I think Renee is upfront about that. Women who have been through that make different relationship decisions because their relationship is more about survival than love and happiness. Renee is teaching about happiness and fulfillment – not just how to survive in a relationship. So, if and when you get offended, just know that is where you (not Renee) are willing to make concessions that take from your happiness in favor of survival. Which can be ok, don’t judge it if that is what you need. Just know that it is not Renee being condescending, it is just a reality check that offends you. I think what you are saying indirectly to Renee is “wait until you learn young lady.” But, what I will say as an older woman whose faith in men was betrayed, I have no regrets or bitterness even if the relationship failed when I have used Renee’s approach. Please don’t shoot her down for learning, growing, and sharing through her different phases of womanhood in healthy partnership with a man. I appreciate her wisdom and insight and it will grow as she lives and experiences more.

  • Jules

    Reply Reply April 1, 2014

    I love you Renee. You are so positive. Just read the classy woman article and nice how you answered the classy list with “you.” I needed to hear that… Thanks for the perks!! Jules

    • Samaya

      Reply Reply April 24, 2014

      That’s true in many senses. Rori Raye is quite a bit better at these topics. But does have a couple insightful points!

  • Natalie

    Reply Reply March 31, 2014

    Its so true, you must take care of yourself, and dressing. You might think that little black , open back dress is hot! But most men ,yes, they like to look at that, but will most likely not marry a women who does not dress classy, meaning slightly covered. You can be just as sexy , by wearing something a little loose fitting, and low cut, yet flattering. Ralph Lauren has the most beautiful, classy and sexy clothes.And the sales are amazing!! But there are many nice clothing lines, that is just 1 suggestion.A blue collar man is most likely to marry someone who dresses in basically anything, and a white collar worker, men- will pick a women who knows how to dress a little more conservative, and classy shoes( a must)!!

    • Lindsey

      Reply Reply July 29, 2014

      I work at a pizza place near a college with a reputation as a party school, and my coworkers and I have often had a conversation along these lines. I have seen so many girls come in at the beginning of the week, seemingly good, solid girls with some class. And then I see them on Friday night, with a strip of fabric just big enough to cover their backside and nipples, and you get this impression that they have zero self-respect or self-confidence. The key is to play up ONE asset. A slightly shorter cocktail dress with as little cleavage as possible, cool. A plunging neckline with a hemline that brushes the kneecap, ok. But please don’t combine the two!

  • jdhartil

    Reply Reply March 5, 2014

    This is one of the best articles I have read and I am making these seven items my priority

  • kimeal

    Reply Reply January 20, 2014

    I loved it. So helpful and eye opening. I will take your advice and work it in my life. You were on point with every single word. Keep up the good work. Your advice isn’t for everyone. Only for those who are hungry for change. By the way, I also liked when you said,”you(with a wink)” at the end;)

  • ark

    Reply Reply November 21, 2013

    Great article, except I somewhat disagree about marketing, as it seems to be taken way too far way too often by so many women especially online. I can’t see how chestbeating about how wonderful and accomplished and independent a woman is makes her more attractive. I guess like with many other things – moderation is the key.
    I would suggest that along with dressing modestly, a woman should also share her accomplishments with a degree of modesty.
    Another good article about being a class woman is here:
    http://www.practicalhappiness.com/classy-woman/

  • Lucia

    Reply Reply November 21, 2013

    Beautifully written.

  • arkady

    Reply Reply November 20, 2013

    Good advice. About posture- it’s improtant not to take it too far. I see quite a few women walk around with their chin way up, and who look like they think they are God’s gift, which makes them come across as too full of themselves, unfriendly and unapproachable.

  • Elena

    Reply Reply November 12, 2013

    I love it that you put “you“ at the end of the list :)

  • Sarah

    Reply Reply November 5, 2013

    This article was extremely amazing. I found it just at the right time, i’m turning 21 next month so i feel i’m at that stage where i need to become the lady i want to be. This article was very motivational and eye opening. Thanks Renee xx

  • Eric

    Reply Reply October 1, 2013

    Dear Renee (or anyone else who can give me a constructive answer) – I need your help in giving advice to a wonderful lady who I believe is heading down the wrong path. A little back ground… I met this lady online and we hit it off very nicely… I felt her to be a strong women with a good head on her shoulders etc…We would talk on skype etc and chat all the time… She had told me about her past relationships etc… Anyways, we felt very comfortable talking with one another. Well the things she told me about this guy she was with last were very disturbing to say the least. To try to keep this as short as possible we were falling in love with each other… and then things seemed to change and could sense that she was pulling away… Anyways, she was always open with me… She became very depressed etc… and seemed to not know what she wanted to do in regards to her career etc… if she wanted to be in a relationship etc… Anyways, I still stayed her friend… as I cared for her, But it was hard for me even to be her friend as it were cuz it just hurt that she just kind of dropped me as it were… and I told her that I need to cut all ties with her for me to move on… I felt that is what I need to do for me to move forward. Anyways, we talked about it tonight and anyways she disclosed to me that she was getting back together with her ex that treated her so bad… And I kind of sensed that that was what was going on. I told her that would be a very big mistake… and talked to her about value herself etc… She of course said that she still love him etc… She doesnt understand why she still wants him and knows she maybe making a big mistake. I told her that I cared enough for her to tell her the truth… I want her happy, no matter who she is with.. But I know she would be happy with this guy… I need to know what to say to her so that she does not head down the wrong path… I know the choice is hers ultimately, but I have to at least tell her how I felt about it – Thanks for your time on this matter. Eric

    • francessanne

      Reply Reply October 5, 2013

      Eric: for as much as Renee teaches us to be high value women, it is the same for a man. You’re torturing yourself unnecessarily.

      Going forward, you should not let a woman that you are romantically interested in talk to you about her ex, her feelings for him or whether or not she’d be happy with him or any man instead of you.

      It is respectful for a woman not to be paying attention to the man in front of her for what HE MIGHT OFFER AND BRING TO HER LIFE as a romantic partner. You allowed her to put you into ‘the friend zone’ instead of ‘potential lover’ category and I know that you are hurting or you wouldn’t be writing here.

      Whether or not she chooses this man or another, it isn’t your concern–unless it’s you. The worst thing a man can ever do to allow a woman to disrespect his own vulnerablity by saying ‘yes’ to a friendship as a consolation prize.

      If you can’t have the relationship that you want with her, it’s an all or nothing situation. Re-read that and remember it always. Say ‘no’ and walk away with your head held high; that’s the move of a high value male.

      Right now, your actions aren’t matching your words. You’ve told her that you needed to cut all ties and then stayed engaged in the conversation while she told you about him….and you’re continuing potential contact by wanting to give her advice from here. You’re not her shrink; you’re not her girlfriend. Stop settling for the crumbs of a relationship that this woman is throwing. Get up off your knees and stop begging.

      • francessanne

        Reply Reply October 5, 2013

        oops, I meant DISRESPECTFUL for a woman NOT to be paying attention to the man in front of her…

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