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Article updated 2018

You’re carrying a few new heavy items into your home; your man helps you. No big deal, you think. It’s a man’s job to help.

He’s been out at golf all day. He comes home and wants to talk about every single outstanding shot he made. You’ve been at home all day, cleaning the house. You really can’t be effed. Plus, you’ve heard it over and over again. You’re sick of having to make him feel good because YOU don’t feel good right now.

(Click here to download a copy of “Goddess Report”)

He comes home from the gym after a long workout and flexes his muscles in clear view of you. He obviously wants your attention, admiration and approval. He wants you to appreciate his strength or his body.

But, you think: “if I give him too much approval, too much attention…..he’ll get a big head!

The real meaning of getting a big head is: egotism or conceit.

Admiring a man and him getting a big head are two different things. Many women confuse the two. Somehow, sometimes, the thought of the one we love feeling great about themselves is felt as a threat to our own position in the relationship or our autonomy. The thought of our partner feeling like they are the best/invincible/the ultimate catch can make some women or men feel as though they might be left or cheated on.

The truth is, we all already have so many potential sources of pain; so many reasons from our past to feel like we are not enough – not tall enough, strong enough, fast enough, pretty enough, talented enough, funny enough…….You don’t want to add to that (or even remain neutral by not admiring or giving appreciation and admiration). This doesn’t mean you need to drool over everything your man does, in fact, this is a bad idea.

But what you do need to do is give him even more reasons to feel good about himself. A man already has so many external challenges: in the business world, in sports, and from his mates.

Related post: What to Do If He Takes You for Granted

Should he just ‘man up’ and stop needing your admiration?

Just as you need love and attention, your man needs to be admired. Women who think that a man ought not to need her admiration, or that admiring a man means she will be put down or below him, is misguided.

There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…

The Hunter mentality…

Men think differently, and they have, in their genetics, a hunter mentality – from 2 million years ago. This means that when your man conquers something, does something (no matter how small), accomplishes something, helps you with something – makes life easier for you in any way, he wants to see you rejoice and acknowledge him genuinely and from a place of love. Taking away this privilege in a relationship is simply taking away his right to fully feel like a man with you. (read my article about men and dirty socks)

Why bother being in a relationship if you are not in it to take care of the other person? If you don’t take care of your lover’s needs, the relationship often becomes unfulfilling, at best. A nightmare at worst.

We come together as man and woman to serve each other. And men need to feel appreciated. If you have ever felt that looking up to a man would mean less for you, then I kindly ask you to reconsider. Why would you want to be with a man you don’t admire anyway? Where’s the passion in that?

If you are a confident woman and know your value, then putting the spotlight on your man wouldn’t even be a problem for you because you would understand that another’s spotlight doesn’t have to dim your own. It doesn’t take away anything from you.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

I’m not saying for you to do this with just any man. Many women make the mistake of falling over themselves and selling themselves short for a player, or for a man who treats her badly.

What if he gets a big head?

Whenever I hear a woman say this to me: “uh, if I do that, he’ll get a big head”, I ask her: “do you love this man?”

Inevitably, she will say yes.

“Well”, I say: “are you really loving him, when you say that?”

Confused face.

See, many women think that once a man gets too much confidence, or if she ‘allows’ him to get a big head, then he’ll take the attention off of her, or leave her, or cheat on her. It’s a fear many women have. Though in most cases, if you are meeting your man’s needs this fear is unnecessary.

Once you date and/or marry a good one – admire the man of your choice! He’s a Man. Do yourself a favor and give yourself and him the ultimate gift: let your man feel like a man around you. Give him the feeling of being a man. He’s much less likely to leave, cheat, or “turn” into a terrible man “because he got a big head if you care enough about him to just let him feel amazing about himself, over and over again.

Let him feel amazing about the little things he does for you. His small (or big) accomplishments that you may take for granted. his body. His golf game. His small gesture of carrying in your groceries. His biceps or back. His new business idea.

Give your heart and soul to a good man, and differentiate between the not so good men and the good ones (I’ll get to that topic soon on the blog). You want to be adored and cherished, right? Dare I say – be made to feel like a princess? Your man wants to be made to feel like a king!

The very thing you fear is the very thing you must do.

What if he is not deserving of your admiration?

What if he is not deserving of your admiration? What if he is not showing up to be the man you want him to be? What if he is neglecting finances, his health, fitness and/or marriage? This is where a woman’s love and her femininity has to be enduring. Every woman will experience this to some extent in her relationship. (read my article about how to turn down a guy)

Admittedly, many men exude less than admirable traits. Many men don’t command much respect from women.

There are two things you must remember if you find yourself in this situation:

1) Treating a man as a better man than he is will encourage him to become better.

This reinforces positive identity, among other things. As long as you are being honest with yourself and are sure that this man has good intentions. This will not work with everybody. And –

2) Remember who he is inside.

If you give your admiration unconditionally, you will have a better chance of him doing what you want him to do; him fulfilling what you want in the relationship/finances, etc than you would if you simply withheld your love, admiration and affection, or made him feel terrible. This is something too many women do – withhold.

If a woman admires a man only when he shows up with “the goods” – the ‘final’ result, then, clearly this woman values her own certainty more than what she has to GIVE in her relationship.

This is not to say that you need to spew admiring words all the time. It’s not to say that you always have to compromise yourself for him. It also doesn’t mean you have to always be available! Words are cheap in comparison to enduring and consistent actions or loyalty.  Belief and admiration for a man can come through a woman’s touch, body language, smile, and elegance. If a man treats you badly – this is a whole new subject, which is beyond the scope of this post.

As a woman, I can understand the need for certainty, the need for support (more true for some women than others), but admiration, if given ONLY when it’s easy, when she’s shown up with the goods, or when you feel like it; is fickle. It’s not loyal. I also understand that even subconsciously, women want a man who has already proved himself worthy – whatever that means to you; but in a relationship, you cannot expect him to always have everything sort out. My feeling is that a lot of us subconsciously, at one time or another, want perfections from our spouse.

It may be hard at times to feel attraction for a man who is not fulfilling his potential – part of being in a relationship is being able to see into the man himself, rather than just judging what he does or does not do.

Even the most capable, affluent and confident man wants the woman of his choice to admire him, respect him, and look up to him, as sick as that sounds to some women.

Do you have misunderstandings with your man and you wonder what if you know how he thinks? Click here to check out our program Understanding Men.

What do you think, lovely? Did you agree with this post? Do you believe or see that this is true? What do you think of the idea of admiring a man?

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

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Deborrah Cooper
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Deborrah Cooper

I will give a man as much respect and admiration as he earns. Giving a man respect and admiration just because he is breathing and has testicles is codependent behavior.

Luke
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Luke

Wow. Who the hell put you in charge? How can you be so selfish with praise and consideration? Are you that paranoid of men walking all over you? A man has to jump through hoops in order to gain your admiration? LOL. It works both ways. If you want a man to give you emotional support or even financial support, you better be willing to give him some admiration or appreciation.

Deborrah Cooper
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Deborrah Cooper

No. I’m not needy like men are. I don’t trade money or emotional support…something men are incapable of providing anyway…for ego boosts males whine about. Work for it and I might give it to you, if I decide you meet my standards.

Luke
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Luke

Damn. I love your posts Renee. You seem to hit the nail on the head every time. Men don’t get enough of this kind of attention from modern, “liberated” women. They’ll respect and admire the government (full of strangers whom they will never meet) over their own male partners. That’s insulting and degrading. If that’s what your partner needs to feel confident, good and secure in the relationship, give it to them. Otherwise, you’re showing that you don’t love them for who they are but only what they give you. It’s hard for men to love women anymore because women… Read more »

Karin
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Karin

Ouch. I’ve spent just over a year trying to get back with my ex. I’ve shown empathy and support and have given space when needed. I have voiced and shown my appreciation for him countless times. We met 5 years ago. He works 7 days a week. I admire his determination. He recently said he doesn’t want to go a weekend without seeing me and wanted me to meet his daughter, then pulled away saying not to take it personally. I’ve tried hard not to and am trying to let him work through whatever he’s going through. But society says… Read more »

Jojo
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Jojo

Can I be honest and say I don’t think there are vast differences between men and women. Yes yes everyone says men were hunters and women were gatherers. But the truth is once you study tribalism and nomads it isn’t that clear cut. Honestly I envision a world where we stop going men are this and women are that. We leave everyone free to be who they want to be. I want to be active, nurturing, driven, easy going, competitive, understanding, ambitious. And I am all those things and more. I am not limited by what I am. Because I… Read more »

Luke
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Luke

And what does this have to do with showing your intimate partner, someone who should be your BEST friend in the world some love and admiration. By the way, who are you to decide what is best for society? If all men want to be manly, ladies better get used to it or get used to using vibrators.

Jessica
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Jessica

I had a hard time admiring men. I still do because the men that have came and went in my life gave me no reason to admire them. My husband finally gave me reason to admire him because he has helped me get through some of the roughest times, shared his triumphs, joys, woes, and failures. I admire how he can take a situation and make progress even when it seems hopeless. I will keep encouraging him so I can keep admiring him.

Luke
Guest
Luke

Funny. I have met some pretty crappy women in my times. They’ve treated me like absolute crap, simply because I wasn’t thin or I wasn’t sociable enough. BUT I keep hope alive, because I don’t every woman is going to be like the crap women that came before her.

Tony
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Tony

If only we could know that the good that you do for another person is not meant to diminish you but works to your benefit, we all should thrive to be good to our partners. what we do to our beloved ones we are directly doing to our selves. a goodwilled man will response positive when u touch his deepest need and in response u get the luv u desire.

www.composearticle.com
Guest

Hey there, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.

When I look at your blog in Chrome, it looks fine
but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other
then that, very good blog!

Angela
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Angela

I think some of the points you make above are not just good in a relationships, but good for how you act in society overall. I always try to be a class act in how I treat others, in my interactions with people, whether they are my customers or whether I am the customer, or if I’m talking with neighbors or friends, I always try to be friendly and well-mannered. In your interactions with others throughout the day, you can lift people up with how you act. I want to be that kind of person. I’m not sure I really… Read more »

Liza
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Liza

I agree with many of the perspectives here. Take it from a woman who partially by choice and partially by circumstances has lived on the more masculine side most of her adult life. It’s no picnic and except for sex, I can see no other reason why a man wants a woman around many times, especially in this “liberated era” where they even cook and clean, unless it is for the femininity that woman bring to the table, an equaling out of the harsh side. If you have not been single long or often you would not always be aware… Read more »

Luke
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Luke

That’s the thing about modern “liberated,” “independent” women today. They don’t want to open themselves up to the possibility that they’re wrong and that a man might actually bring a new perspective on things, bring something new and useful to the table. They seem to just want to take what they want from a man and move on. This is a reason why men are wary about being with “strong” women. They’re more easily discarded if they are no longer worth something.

Meike
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Meike

Hmmm. There’s another thing that i keep thinking about. To what extend do you think Renee can a bad relationship to your dad as a child rob you of your femininity? I mean in a sense of him maybe not actually being physically abusive (i guess that is self-explanatory) but simply by being extremely dominant, suppressive, bending you to his will all the time, threatening punishment, that kind of thing. I am starting to let go of that particular problem, realising that that is really the only way forward… but i have a feeling that has been what has given… Read more »

Travis
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Travis

As a guy I have to give some feedback here. What a fantastic website. I am so glad this is on the Internet. However it is too late for myself and many guys I know. I’ll explain… You see, I live in a city with a significant Asian population. We have discovered that the Asian women in our midst are far more feminine, delicate and yet paradoxically strong that women that were born and raised here. They are so fun to be around. We can open doors for them, help them do stuff…all without feeling like we are going to… Read more »

Deanna
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Deanna

I feel like it’s such a huge struggle to find the balance between being needy and dependant, and letting him be a strong protector. I feel like sometimes its hard to be feminine, even if I feel feminie, because i start to develop expectations, and even if i don’t say them out loud, the expectations become demands- and the demands are what makes a man feel emascualted or annoyed. I feel like when i first meet a guy or start dating him- or even if I don’t know him very well and am just flirtatious- then its easy to be… Read more »

clarice
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clarice

at times i think…maybe if i wasnt a carrer woman maybe i wouldnt have some of the challenges i face… with respect to balancing a carrer (7 to 6), one child and the attention he needs, including what you are talkinfg about, but really it seems like just an excuse…the bible talks of him as the head…if ony i could learn to “unburden’ me by giving him the chance to do what he should do… letting him be and standing back to admire and encourage.

Wendy
Guest
Wendy

Oh Renee, I just love your blog 🙂

What a fabulous post, was supremely happy to read it.

And Dixie Darlin…chocolate meringue pie?? yum!!! Count me in!

Karen
Guest

This is something so simple, we often forget to do it – or just don’t think of it – and that is why your post Renee is so helpful – it gives us a nudge in the right direction. If you don’t show your appreciation of your man – he might start to think you do not appreciate him. It is so easy to do, and unfortunately, not done often enough. After you have shown your apprecation – it is worth it just to see the look on his face. And if you really love someone, it comes naturally and… Read more »

Deborrah Cooper
Guest
Deborrah Cooper

If he is a loser, he is a loser. HE should not be given props for being a lackluster sort. Instead, tell him he needs to do better and demand that he get off his butt and perform.

Sofia
Guest
Sofia

Thanks Renee x

VolleyGirl
Guest
VolleyGirl

Hi Renee, thanks for taking the time to explain it to me! 🙂

Renee
Guest
Renee

@ Volleygirl: hi! it’s different for every woman. Deep down, I think we all desire some form of passion and intimacy – and for completion in terms of masculine/feminine. A feminine woman can remain single however, like many, even though they feel like singledom is the ultimate – somewhere along the line people realise that they want something deep and meaningful with a person of their choice. Needing a man is different to being desperate for a man to validate self-worth, feel more secure, or do dump all your problems upon, as you’ve already touched upon. In terms of how… Read more »

Super Janice
Guest
Super Janice

I understand that you need a man and your girlfriends to love and be loved. (You are a typical, traditional feminine woman)
But I don’t today–My hobby is singing.

meme
Guest
meme

Hi Renee,
Just wanted to thank you for your answer. I also agree with the fact that some of the suggestions in ‘why men marry/love bitches’ can be detrimental to a relationship whilst some of them make sense. In the end, i tend to believe that it comes down to what type of person you are and the type of person you’re with. I have been horrified to meet men whose idea of a dream partner was actually somebody willing to ‘fill in the position’ of ‘permanent housekeeper’ and ‘long-term incubator’.
Sadly they exist as well.

Sofia
Guest
Sofia

Hi Renee, first of all, I hope you understand everything i write because English is not my first language… I have read almost all of your articals, and I truly admire you… you are such an inspiring wowan and have very deep insights to open up to be true. It is not easy to surrend yourself to a man…. And I believe it does not take millions of understandings, it only takes the acceptance and acknowledge that it is the profound truth for happiness. For me, I have a problem here!! I came from a country where only recently men… Read more »

VolleyGirl
Guest
VolleyGirl

Hi Renee,sorry I haven’t left any previous comments but I can assure you that I have read them all. Just being busy getting everything ready to go back to college. By reading your article I have one question in mind and I hope you can really help me. Is it possible for a feminine woman to be in need of a man in her life? Do you think that is possible for a feminine woman to stay single if she wishes so? And how will a feminine woman know that she needs a man? and when I say the word… Read more »

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