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Article updated 2018

Why Can’t you be Loved for who You are?

People often exclaim ‘Why do I have to DO something to find a man/woman? Why can’t I be loved for being ME?’ – You can.

The catch is, you must relax and actually BE you. (Click here to complete the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on FB?) Not the you that you think you should be. That’s not really YOU. You must choose to stop spending your life saying and doing things just so others will think you are cool and accept you. It’s not the being loved for who you are that’s difficult!

When you are Truly who you are, you’ll naturally attract people who love you and repel people who don’t love you. And that’s a good thing. It’s having the Courage to be who you are at your true core that is difficult. That takes years of practice because we are so used to using Masks.

Start by watching the way you talk to people. What are you saying and why are you really saying it?

Then start feeling your own body when you’re interacting with men and women. Are you tense? Are your shoulders slightly shrugged? Is your tummy tight?

If you find any of these things are happening, then you’re not being you. You’re not relaxed into the moment, in the present. It’s very hard to be real when your body and mind are tense.

Get my eBook 17 Attraction Triggers

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

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Angel-Eyes
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Angel-Eyes

YES RENEE! 🙂 I did it! I finally had the breakthrough that I’ve been trying to achieve for so long. That breakthrough being the ability to show up as a true form of myself – the me without inhibition and concern over what others will do or say if I dare to open my mouth and speak from raw emotion. In so many words, I would describe my early childhood and young adult life as a typical pleaser with passive tendencies whilst interacting with others. This is due to experiencing psychological child abuse and learnt helpless from as far back… Read more »

nabhiha
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nabhiha

Hello Renee Thank u fr the very instructive blogs. They help me a lot in coming in touch with my feminity especially at a time where being vulnerable and showing yur emotions is perceived as a sign of weakness(sadly even amongst women) To relate to this blod, i wld admit tht i hav always tried to be n stay a true person and that is why some people do not like me or hav been criticising me. I hav few really good friends because i prefer to b true to other people and i can sense whom i can trust… Read more »

Holly
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Holly

Hello dear renee 😀 I hope that your doing well, your growing baby and david too. I’m currently recieving profecional help due to experiences that I endured. The man that i’m seeing for help told me that I keep devaling myself. Alomg side the professional help, i’m also reading a book called how to be asserrive in any situation. There’s a part in the book that say’s “those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter”. I’ve only found the courage of just over a year of so to be able to voice my thoughts. I was on… Read more »

River
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River

Renee, This article came at a perfect time. I had nearly destroyed things with my man, and we nearly broke up, but we both knew in our hearts that this is meant to be, and that we needed to work on it. There I was, at the bottom of a fairly deep hole of my own making, wondering how to get out. I read every article on your site, do so many of the things recommended, but what I needed to see is, it’s okay to be your silly, goofy, fun, loving, forgiving, occasionally hurting self. But make sure it’s… Read more »

latifah mukisa
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latifah mukisa

Dear Renee thanks for all the messages, i started reading them this year.hope i meet someone to love me for me. conguraturations that your pregnant and the father of your kid loves you.

Gabriel
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Gabriel

Don’t let your “identity” get in the way of getting what you want.

Neferyuya
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Neferyuya

When I am simply me, I can take a look at what the real me actually generated to happen for myself. I can appreciate what I actually already have. I don’t have to worry about any old fantasy that I might have to live up to or the made up rewards that the non-reality can pretend to bring. Being myself; present and aware; takes patience. It’s much more pleasant than him being gone. He’s not here, but he’s not gone, and I know you know what I mean. Everything is good – it’s a good day. Thanks for helping to… Read more »

Matty Duma
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Matty Duma

Thank u Renee for always giving us so much food for thought.

I must say that in the past I have always been the one that would do and be all the ‘ideals’ in order to be loved. It leaves one Frustrated eventually. M glad that i can say that presently I am myself and being loved for beibg myself. It’s so liberating I must say and the knowledge of that just makes you a better loving person.

All the best with your soon to come bundle of joy.

Jo
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Jo

Just a quick thank you for your wonderful blog and all your amazing work, Renee. Congratulations on your soon to arrive baby!

Katerina
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Katerina

thank you Renee! a small and great article! i’m always so happy to see a new email from you in my inbox!

Areej
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Areej

Ya…absolutly true…it did work 4 me those days..in the past I was looking to make everyone satisfied..but no anynore…I figured out that all what I need is to express myself truly….

Neferyuya
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Neferyuya

I have been myself quite a lot lately. I have not been worrying whether or not a man I care about can take knowing that I have been through a lot because it is what connects us along with some really good things. About not such pleasant things; I had to be brave and discuss it with feelings about it all intact to let it out to him about these kinds of things, of course not taking it out on him or the world in communication at all. I was honest and didn’t talk dryly about terrible stuff. If he… Read more »

Arabella
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Arabella

I enjoyed this article! I also noticed when I’m around people I don’t know, I tense up and go quiet. I think it’s because I’m afraid of them not liking me because I’ve been told before that I am a bad person (why, I have NO idea). Then I realized it was because when I am myself I noticed I’m very good at seeing people as they actually are and the masks they wear (without meaning to). Of course that bothers them and it scares them. So after that I started closing up and being scared all the time. It’s… Read more »

Taylor
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Taylor

True. So true. It takes lots of practice AND maturity. Feeling good in your skin requires being real truthful & putting your “big girl/boy panties on” and deciding who you really are. Rude & arrogant are masks too. You need not “appear” in manner to make people think of you as not weak or gullible and if you are truly this way then you need a check up from the neck up. Be what you want from others genuinely.

jasmine
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jasmine

Thank you for the blog. I keep thinking about being present, really present first to myself and then when I am with others. This article is saying the same thing…relax and be myself. You are right though I have grown used to wearing masks, and actually connecting with who I am can be not so easy.

Anna C
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Anna C

Hi Renee, I always appreciate your articles. This one is short & sweet, and very true. Tonight, I went to a birthday party of a friend of mine, and I didn’t know a lot of people. I had read your article before going and started to become aware of how I reacted. I found that I was tense most of the time (the atmosphere was uncomfortable – but if you are really yourself you should be able to BE yourself in any atmosphere). But I noticed that I was tense and rigid with some people, and more warm and flowing… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Hi Anna! I had to smile when you brought up your feelings towards the people you met who reminded you of someone in your past whom you liked. This is such a real account of how things happen for all of us, and thank you for reporting it here in your comment! Sometimes, people just remind us of someone from our past who was good/bad to us…and we close instantly. It also serves to remind us not to be so closed down when someone seems to reject us the minute we meet them. Perhaps we just remind them of someone… Read more »

Mina
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Mina

It is very difficult, after 25 years of living I’m finally learning to be ME. It’s interesting, I feel more calm as opposed to always tense and anxious, putting on this face and always at attention to say hi, or be nice…it’s all in fear of appearing “rude” or “mean.” I’m a former people pleaser, it was difficult at first, but now I feel so relaxed being me. The only disturbing thing, is that I realize “I” don’t smile as much as I used to be, but I guess what’s most important is that I’m happy. RENEE, when you were… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Hi Mina, it’s amazing you bring up the part in your story about getting what you want when you are yourself. When you’re authentic, people can feel you and your needs better, and have their own defences down. However, if you’re not being yourself and you’re tight and acting out of fear, people don’t even know what on earth to do for you because you won’t even allow them that opportunity! I think you’re on to it! And yes, of course, relief is definitely a gift of letting yourself being yourself. I would more describe is as a feeling of… Read more »

Stacey
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Stacey

That is very true. It takes us a long time to learn this though. I think when you are the way you are you attract exactly who you are supposed to attract. Very true.

April
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April

Well said, Renee…You always present in such a comforting and honest way…Thank you for your lovely blog and many congrats on extending your family….Wonderful:)

Renee Wade
Guest
Renee Wade

Thank You, April! 🙂 xo

Serena
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Serena

Short but gold 😉

By the way Renee, congrats to you and David! I’m sure you can’t wait to be parents 🙂

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Hi Serena, thanks for your comment. Indeed, we are VERY excited! 🙂

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