The Secret to Being Your Real Authentic Self

Article updated 2018

If a girl has large breast implants, peroxide hair, collagen in her lips and carries a Chanel bag, is she being herself? Her friends might say, “Oh, well that’s just her! That’s what she does!”

I say it depends.

We’re always told to be ourselves. “Relax, be yourself!”

What on earth does that mean?! How do you “be yourself”? Does that mean dress how you’d like to dress? Does it mean say what you want, when you want, however you want?

Well, it could…

The only problem is that nobody really tells you what being yourself actually means – and if you go to actually be yourself, often you’ll feel that the support from your friends, colleagues, and family may not be there when it counts.

It’s ironic because many of us are taught to just be our precious selves. And then – when we go do something that’s true to our heart, and true to our souls; people often question us or imply that what we are doing is the stupid thing to do, and that it’s not acceptable. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Wait. Didn’t you say I should just be myself?! This IS me!

So much for that notion.

Here’s the thing: Sometimes, what people are really saying is: ‘Be yourself!’ As long as it sits well with my values and rules, and doesn’t make me feel like I’m less than you are.

Society’s limitation

See, on one hand, we’re told to be ourselves, and to follow our passion, but try asking any average person – randomly on the street – a close friend – what their true passion is, and most of the time they’ll tell you that they just don’t know. Most of us don’t.

Why is that?!

This is because we have been conditioned in this society to function according to somebody else’s rules. Many of us have lost ourselves because we haven’t been in an environment that supports us finding ourselves. And because of this, your authenticity is limited.

Do what we’re told. Get the best job. And most of the time, we get so good at doing the things that are prescribed to us by society that we lose touch of ourselves and forget who we really are.

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It’s all based on somebody else’s values, rules and restrictions.

Actually, you are a lot more than your school grades, your degree, your job or your ‘profession’. There’s a whole lot more to you that’s even more exciting than any of that.

From a young age, at school we’re told that we have to do this subject or that subject, and we have to go to college and we must aim for this job or that job, this or that grade. And if we get high enough “marks”, then we should go for a certain career. If we get low enough marks, we should go for a certain career.

We cannot be ourselves, because we have to conform. Or else we’re kicked out of school, we get detention. (Click here to download your “Goddess Report”)

And in much of Western society (as with may other cultures), if you don’t do a certain ‘thing’, then you’re not accepted. The same can happen in our families. If we don’t do certain things, then love is taken away from us.

Our family wants us to do something, we do it. Many of us are taught that significance (being ‘important’ – according to someone else’s rules) is how we get our love. And we don’t get love unless we do that, so we do it. Even if we hate it, or it’s not true to us.

The truth often is, whether we’re ‘accepted’ or not, and whether we get love or not – depends on how much money we make, or how ‘important’ our job or position is!

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Consequences of being ourselves at an early age…

I used to love rolling down grass hills at school in my precious school blazer and school  dress. I would get grass all over my self and I loved it. I loved seeing how fast I could go. I was being me. I was being spontaneous. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I wasn’t destroying anything. You think me doing that was OK? No, of course it wasn’t. I had to pick up rubbish during my lunch breaks for a whole week for doing that!

One of my best primary school friends (my first crush) loved to run around and jump in rubbish bins for fun. You don’t want to know how long that lasted.

Our friends tell us they love us, but if we go and do something that’s true to us, or achieve something, or say something that makes them feel like they are less than us – they may subconsciously or actively try to pull us back! That’s why it’s so important to pick your friends carefully. (Please note: this of course, does not apply to all friends)

Your family can do this. Lovers can do this.

Now, I know this may seem a bit depressing, but it actually isn’t. It doesn’t have to be depressing because by being ourselves, by being authentic, and by being liberated – we inspire others to do the same. I do videos for the blog, and it’s scary as hell, since I’m I know there are plenty of people who will hate what I do and what I represent. However, there is a real tolerance (or better still: celebration of) authenticity and being yourself when you’re making others feel good too.

Remember that quote? ‘our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.’

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Maryanne Williamson.

So, how do you get to that place of authenticity? How do you free yourself and start being who you really are?

There are two ways to start becoming who you really are:

1) Be Spontaneous. When you’re being spontaneous, all the fears and the doubts and the restrictions placed on you as an adult goes away. Have you ever seen a child walk past and do a crazy dance or jump in the middle of the room? This is what spontaneity is. When you’re spontaneous, you’re not being restricted by what you think you should or should not do.

2) Stop acting, reacting, and talking from your conditioning and old patters. When you’re not acting from your old patterns, you are free to be, say, and do who you really are. You’ll also be free to finally let go and feel what you really feel. You can grieve. You can cry. You can scream.

To do this, start by listening to yourself carefully when talking to people,  at social events, at work, on the train, and with your friends. Take careful notice of how you are responding to difficult situations. I know for many of you, the scariest times are when you’re dating a man, or around a man you really want to be with. In this situation, authenticity is more important than ever.

Situations where your fear is bigger than ever….and don’t act the way you’d normally act. Just feel. Just stop. Decide upon what you really feel and think. No matter how scary that feels.

Authenticity and being yourself is about being free. You don’t have to conform or fit in. You don’t have to watch what you say or say things out of your desire to please others. You can just be. Say what you really want to say (but not to hurt others).

And please, please, don’t reject others for being who they are. If they like to do something that seems crazy to you and they’re being authentic, instead of judging them, get curious. The more curious you are, the more you are able to learn.

If you are not learning, you hinder the path to finding yourself, because you’re trapped in a tiny hole.

Audrey Hepburn was being herself.

So was Mother Teresa.

Back to my first question:

If a girl has large breast implants, peroxide hair, collagen in her lips and carries a Chanel bag, is she being herself? Her friends might say, “Hh, well that’s just her! That’s what she does!”

My answer is that most of the time, a woman like this is afraid. She’s scared of not being accepted. She’s scared that she’s not enough. She’s scared that how she was born is not enough. She feels she needs to look a certain way, be a certain way, act a certain way, to get love. She’s confined and restricted, and this negates freedom which leads to a lack of authenticity.

By the way, society also teaches us that we are one kind of person. Please remember, that you have more than one, two or three facets to you. You are dynamic. You are more than one kind of person. You are light feminine and you are dark feminine. And deep down, there is a soul, that is uniquely you.

Can’t you tell when a person is acting up? Can’t you tell when someone is BS’ing you? Can’t you tell when someone is telling you something to get you to think of them a certain way? So they won’t lose your acceptance?

Freedom is your birthright.

Do you want to learn the 17 Attraction Triggers? Click here to learn more.

Please, leave a comment and share with us your journey to being yourself, and share with us what you do to become who you truly are. Thank You. 🙂

One more thing: May I ask you a favor? If you got anything out of this post, if you enjoyed it, please like it, forward it to a friend, or share it. Thanks. 🙂

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)


P.S. Connect with me on social media!

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Every day brings new meaning
Every day brings new meaning

The good old rolling down the grass days 🙂 Ahh, so many fun memories as a child… I use to do some random stuff but I’ve found as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to become accustomed to living in my mind, which is really sad actually. I think the last time I was in touch with my playful side was about 4 years ago. I can remember being out in a club with ‘friends’, I wanted sit on a the stair pole and slide down it, but I went though too many periods where I got burnt and now I’ve… Read more »


I just spent the weekend with family, and I just have to come on here and post a big thank you. Usually I encounter difficult situations where I end up in pain. I get teased because I’m a bit of an emotional lady. Ok, a lot of an emotional lady. It doesn’t always go well, because I get teased about it and that hurts me. So this always happens. This weekend I was told I probably cry more than her baby cries. They haven’t seen me cry before, but I guess they know me. Its ok, I was ok with… Read more »


When I’m being myself, I smile, laugh and talk freely with people, I also cry when I feel hurt.

Alicia Williams
Alicia Williams

I can’t even begin to explain how much that just brighten up my day. Reading that made it sound like you were talking to me in a way. Being that I’m an introvert I always feel that because I’m extremely quiet around folks I’m not accepted, and that people are always trying to change me which just drags me down completely. Because I don’t dress this way or do this attention getter just to feel accepted by some guy I do or don’t know. Reading this got me thinking that what I should be doing and feeling should only be… Read more »


I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for the reassurance. I am a smalltown girl in my early 20’s.. I felt that I lost who I was a few years ago by surrounding myself with the wrong people and the “fake LA” lifestyle that seemed all so exciting and real to me… But it wasn’t, it was a bunch of lies and fake people who in the end I’m not friends with anymore.. I made mistakes that still make me very down and upset with myself.. Thankfully I found an amazing man who really opened up my eyes to reality… Read more »

Kathy Joyce

This is very true. Most women are afraid of being themselves and consequently don’t achieve their full potential. Conditioning certainly is a major factor in holding you back. If you’re told as a child that you are useless at maths, then this will stay with you. The danger is that you can reinforce that message by telling yourself that you are useless at that particular skill or subject. If a woman wants to dye her hair peroxide blonde, and have breast implants then it has to be because it’s what she truly wants and is only doing it for herself.… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C

I really liked this article, and it is very true. I find myself, when I’m scared, I mean really scared, doing a lot of things out of habit, and it’s almost like I can “see” the way things will turn out, and they are always bad. Last night, I felt I was overtly insulted by my man… I felt really, really hurt. I started to go into my old patterns of asking him “Why would you say something like that? How could you not know that hurts me? That is SO rude!” Then he would get upset at ME even… Read more »


really enjoyed the article. Lightened up my position on life. Thanks


a really great article that makes me think about many things.
thank you, Renee!!!!!


Wonderful article! I couldn’t agree more…


hey Renee, I wanted to share a quick story, a man i’m seeing was supposing to come see me today, didn’t call or came. i texted him : hey how r u ? are u still coming ? he answers : sorry babe stuck at whatver i say alright then i feel surprised u could have told me, after a silence he apologize again and explained his phone died i replied “thanks” and left it at that. Before i wouldn’t have said anything and act like everything is ok, like nothing happened or act cold next time we talk. But… Read more »


From last night i was so worried that i said something to my boyfriend , i was thinking that he may be dont like that. but that was the fact what i said. i knew i was right but was scared of being unpleasing him. but now i m so relax because i acted like myyself. thank u so much to helping us out. yesterday i also tried another advice when men pull away and that worked tremindously.
love u.. Rennie

Reply to  Fatima


wow!! my feedback is published!! this is my first feedback that is published.that night when i was writing the feedback the computer was saying that they will nt take the feedback. really now i am feeling so connected with your site. thannks for helping us Renne. i am feeling like a part of “The Feminine Woman Family” .

Take care and keep going on!!



Hey Renee, Whenever I read your blog I somehow come back to this article. I copied and pasted the quotation on my Facebook! I’m happy to say that I’m also working on being myself, and so far I’m enjoying the results! For example, I enjoyed singing, but because I was afraid people would make fun of me or think I’m trying to show off, I wouldn’t sing in front of anyone. There was a talent show however, and one day I decided to enter it. I was gonna sing an original song of mine. I was nervous when I went… Read more »

Reply to  Kendra

Hey Kendra, Thanks for sharing your experience!! And congratulations on becoming more of yourself. xox


Hi Renee,
This has been a very enlightening article, so much so that i go back sometimes to just referesh my memory, and read Maryanne Williamson’s quote. And I’m happy to say im working on being myself. I’d love to read more of your articles, keep up the AMAZING work,
Peace 🙂

Reply to  Mona

Thanks Mona 🙂 This means a lot. Keep bringing out the real you. xoxoxo


Hi Renee, What preciouse believes you have. I think when you behave like what you are you’re welcomed and respected and loved more, at least honestly. I’ve always wanted to be myself and I was lovely to most of my contacts. and fourtunately my man loves me for my real values and what I am deep insid me, but after marriage my opinions changed a bit . I don’t know I’ve lost my confidence or sth? Anyway I think I should follow your rules to be myself compeletly. In the end thank you very much to open up all these… Read more »


Hi Renee you are quite an inspiration I have learnt alot. I stopped being myself when I joined college for the fear of rejection. In my adult life I have become a perfectionist. You have given me another chance of finding and discovering my self.

Michael Lee

Hello Rene,

Hope you don’t mind a man visiting your little forum here! Nice article and one I think that many of us, including me, have struggled with most of our life. Society tends to condition us to the middle ground and I am glad that you are a proponent of letting your true self shine or…..your freak flag fly!!

Take care and keep up the wonderful advice.

Michael Lee

Reply to  Michael Lee

He there Michael!
I absolutely don’t mind a man visiting my site! I know there are several wonderful men around here. 🙂
Thanks for your support and your lovely comment.
haa, let your freak flag fly. I love it. 🙂


Every day brings new meaning
Every day brings new meaning
Reply to  Renee

I love this picture of you Renee. You look like a super cutie :D.

It looks completely different to the other one you have up – in a good way.


I remember my partner’s reaction to me smashing his high score at Skeeball. It wasn’t pretty. I was just being myself, going after the high score, while he sat nearby and watched. When he reacted by accusing me of somehow cheating, I was pretty shocked and offended. The whole name of the game is to compete, to do the best that you can, to try and get that high score and in the beginning, he was game to play with me. He probably thought he could beat me. When I got the high score, he couldn’t handle it so he… Read more »

Super Janice
Super Janice
Reply to  A.

I agree that a real man was someone who could maintain all his manly characteristics and self-confidence in the presence of a woman fully expressing herself.


There is something i have been wondering about lately. How much worldly knowledge or education should a feminine woman hold? I know you have written about going to university before Renee, and i totally agree with that. Now should a feminine woman still be knowledgable about cultures, political affairs etc, and maybe get a degree simply for that purpose and not in order to build a career? Or would you if you had the choice again definitely not go to university? Did you maybe find other ways to educate yourself that made you feel more feminine? I have also heard… Read more »

Reply to  Meike

Hello Meike 🙂 I don’t think it is a question of how MUCH worldly knowledge as it is about why you do what you do. The why has to come before the how much. A feminine woman can do anything – as I often state, there a many different parts to us. I don’t think anyone has to or doesn’t have to, or should or should not go to university…..we MUST do what is true in our hearts. If a woman enjoys political affairs, great. I believe the key is to do what makes us happy. And I believe happiness… Read more »


My best friend was very authentic, there was things that she did that I wouldn’t ever consider doing until she did it first. Our friendship was definitely an adventure. I felt like a baby cub following her around to see what she’d do next. Thing is, it never got repetitive. I also noticed that she had a posse of admirers, girls and guys a like. Everyone wanted to be closer to her, I wonder why she chose me.

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