Here’s a great question from my facebook group for high value feminine women regarding the apparent inequality between women and men in dating.
Why is it that before even having a first date, men can state their intentions for casual no-strings-attached sex, but seemingly, women cannot state their intent for something long-term (ie: commitment from a man) before a first date?
(Read my article on How To Go From Self Sufficient Single To Connected Couple.)
It’s OK For Men To State Their Desire For Casual Sex But Not OK For Women To State THIS?
Here’s a screenshot of the lovely lady’s question…
“Ok so honest dating question that I think is worth discussing. Why is it that a man laying out his intentions for sex is seen as casual and not an issue but it’s considered putting yourself out there too fast if as a woman you layout your intention for a LTR and marriage?
You’re not saying that you’re looking to tie the knot on the 2nd date, just that your ultimate destination and intention is something serious. So why is it seen as such a bad thing to say, ie don’t mention a relationship or marriage too soon or you’ll “scare him away”… REALLY?
But it’s perfectly normal for him to mention sex, bringing you home to his place, and more.
I feel like that’s a huge disparity and problem. I feel that as much as women have “progressed” in society career-wise and having more options and “sexual freedom” it has also created a dynamic where men feel that they no longer have to work, court, or build a foundation with us.
Honestly, I love femininity, but I hate feminism because it really feels like it has done more to empower and make things easier for men than it has for women.
Women’s power and success is measured on a scale of “if a man/men can do it so can I”. Be as much like a man as possible because that is what it means to be a successful empowered woman.
I.e, big corporate job with a board position = success, stay home and raise family = fail; open yourself up sexually and to as much variety of men as possible = empowering, be selective and wait until you have the emotional commitment and shared values before you take that step = prude and disempowered.
I know I touched on a lot here but I am curious what your thoughts are on all of this?”
To Answer These Questions, We Have To Get Political…
I love your questions, and thanks for asking good questions.
I have a feeling some of the ladies here won’t like my answers, because answering your questions necessitates political commentary…I fear I’m opening up a can of worms here, but the truth is the truth.
What Is The Real Reason The Feminist Movement Happened?
The “idea” or the popular propaganda is that our ancestors fought for women’s rights. The truth may be more something along these lines:
They were encouraged through government propaganda (that infiltrated our schools and society) to “fight” for their rights, because the introduction of the feminist movement facilitates the tearing down of our society and the family unit.
Ie: if you have a whole society of mothers at work and not at home, then they can’t focus on family as much.
Not only that, but there’s more to this whole farce.
Feminism: An Alternative Perspective
Some people think that the people who were behind the women’s liberation movement, the richest people who funded it (not just the CIA, for example), funded it in order to harm you and cause more destruction to the family.
Now, this doesn’t mean that the women and men who fought for women’s rights before you, all had bad intent. Not at all.
Many of them probably truly believed in women’s suffrage and equal opportunity.
The feminist movement would not have been as successfully widespread as it is today, if it weren’t for some extremely wealthy and extremely powerful (and power hungry) people backing it and funding it….
…For their own gain (and perhaps to the detriment of women and men!)
Are you ready for another layer of truth to all of this?
Ok here we go…
Wealthy bankers wanted to be able to tax women of their income. In other words, prior to women’s lib, they could not tax more than only half the population (ie: they could only tax men).
So they wanted to pave the way for more taxes, as well as take children away from the family and into the institutions ie: school, where they could start to trust authorities in school more than they trust their parents.
They also wanted to try to take men away from women.
This is one of the alternative layers of truth, perhaps even the real reason behind women’s lib.
If you don’t believe me, hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, by watching this excerpt from an interview with a friend of the R0ckefellers (the wealthy family behind the reserve bank).
Now, I know some people may think this isn’t a credible source. But I’m asking you to listen to the man who is being interviewed here. Listen to him carefully, and keep an open mind.
He will tell you straight from the horse’s mouth, what women’s lib was really about:
But Wasn’t Feminism Needed?
Of course, when a topic like this is discussed, inevitably someone is triggered:
This lady a valid point, although she had had trauma in her past related to her father and men, which makes her concern more emotional than objective.
So she mistakenly make my words about herself and her own pain, which I understand, but I am not trying to disempower women here.
I’m not trying to minimise the importance of feminism.
I am only trying to provide an alternative perspective, which may help women understand that although the nuclear family unit isn’t ideal, the nuclear family came after people moved out of multi-generational homes.
(Which are arguably far more ideal for raising young children and a family, provided that the families already had rock solid multi-generational relationships).
Those wealthy and powerful people in the world knew all along that the key to more power, more wealth and more control was to break down the family.
Because then, they could slowly infiltrate their agenda and have family members trust the state more than they trust the government.
Casual Sex Corrupts Young Women
As for the casual sex mantra….
Casual sex has been around for eons, and some women will always gravitate towards it because that’s what they do.
Yet the idea that it’s “cool” to have a lot of casual partners is to again, corrupt young women.
You make them focus less on their gut and desire for a family, and more on hedonism and fitting in. (Even if the cost is that we feel bad afterwards).
As I’ve said before in my articles…
When the family is broken down, people have to rely more on the government and trust more in their government.
When people do that, power is transferred slowly over a few generations, to the government and not to the people.
(Reliant population equals a disempowered population).
Men DO Pay A Price For This Up Front Behaviour…
Now for your questions re: why is it ok for men to state their needs for sex.
Because for them, they’re taking care of women by being “honest”.
But the truth is that it’s not really “ok” for them to state those intentions.
There are PLENTY of women who are fed up with meeting men like that.
(And by the way, for any high value woman looking for commitment, a man leading with this intention for something casual usually backfires on him anyway.)
This is because it’s off-putting!
It doesn’t benefit both of you, it doesn’t connect man and woman, it simply states “I want”, “I want”, “I want”.
So it’s not like men get away without without costs. In fact, the men who string women along are often the ones we see as “the bad guys”.
So in a guy’s mind, they’re probably doing the right thing.
They think that by making sure you know his intent, they are making sure you don’t latch onto him for a relationship (and cause him a headache).
Why Can’t Women State Their Intent For A Long Term Commitment?
As for the idea that women shouldn’t state their intent for a commitment:
Well I’ll answer based on OUR values and teachings.
It’s not bad to say you want that. But when you LEAD with that and feel the need to state it to every man you meet before anything else, then what happens is that it can usurp the process of building that ever so important connection and attraction, which leads to creating a pair bond.
It’s not that we want women to avoid talking about it. It’s about acknowledging this truth.
You can do it if you feel the need to, but if you truly want a true emotional commitment, better not to LEAD with that due to your past hurts, fear, or frustration towards men.
After all, people don’t fall in love and form a pair bond that way!
Just for the record, with the world the way it is, I’ve never revelled in my stay-at-home mum job as much as I have now.
I know my 3 sons are part of the future as are millions of other children, and don’t worry ladies…they won’t be the weak men you see so much of these days.
Here’s a screenshot of my original answer to this lady in our facebook group:
How To Answer Men When They Ask “What Are You Looking For”?
By now you may be wondering how to handle the awkward talk about “what are you looking for?” in dating.
This was exactly ‘C’s’ follow-up question, as you can see:
And the answer is actually in this article on How To Banter. You can also take our free class on the dark feminine art of high value banter.
In there, my husband D.Shen gives you pre-written comebacks and ideas for how to handle this common question in a high value way.
CLICK here to discover why you as a woman need to use the dark art of “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”! (…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)
Don’t know what the dark feminine art of “High Value Banter” is? CLICK to find out.
That’s all. I hope you found value in this article. If you have any questions, thoughts or comments, please share them with us below. I appreciate it!
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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