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Article updated 2018
Question: Would you steal $1000 to buy medicine for your mother if she was dying and her life depended on this medicine?
What if stealing the money is the last way on earth to come up with $1000?
The alternative is that you will lose your mom.
Would you steal the money?
Hang on – didn’t we all get taught that stealing is bad/wrong?
All of us have to face tough decisions. How do we decide what to do?
Is there a right decision and a wrong decision? (Click here to complete the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
This reminds me of another tough question I heard many years ago.
Would you sacrifice your own life to save 10,000 starving African children?
Your relationship with a man is another area where tough decisions tend to pop up.
Do you stay quiet and not say anything because you don’t want to hurt a man?
(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)
Do you not speak up about how you feel for fear of burdening him or seeming like a crazy bitch or because you are so scared of losing him?
Do you sometimes decide to not say – or DO – anything at all in a tough situation for fear of being rejected, unloved, judged or laughed at because you believe it’s the ‘right’ thing to do?
Another example: It’s the same in our friendships. Sometimes, when you love someone, you may feel like you should not speak up and tell the truth for fear of hurting them. So, do you speak up and potentially offend that person – or worse still – risk losing their acceptance and love?
Is there actually a “right” thing to do?
Is it the right thing to do to stone a woman to death for adultery? What if you were born in a culture and society where that was the norm?
There is the age-old question of what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’. It’s true that us humans have differing ideas of what the ‘right’ thing to do is in different situations. However, the real question is not ‘what is the right thing to do in this situation?’ Because the answer that we come up with will be a result of what we have been ‘taught’, and of our past experiences.
There’s a better question:
“What would I say or do in the current situation if I was coming from a place of total care and love for this person and my relationship with them?’
For example: I’m sure you’ve known of (or at least heard of) women going back to a man who was ‘safe’ (in other words, ‘BORING’) OR a man who repeatedly treated her like a doormat because she ‘loves’ him. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
No. It’s not because she loves him. It’s because it’s safe. And easy.
You can love somebody totally, and give to them without having to ‘be with them’. But that takes a whole new level of courage.
See, what a lot of us tend to do is do what we think is RIGHT – but what we’re really doing is what is safe and ‘acceptable’. Right = acceptable.
I remember a time in the past in my relationship where something really tough and painful was happening and we both felt hurt and unappreciated; both my man and I were suffering, and I elected to just ‘shut up’, and let it be because it was the ‘right’ thing to do, and I felt like I couldn’t do anything. But that only lead to more suffering, because what I was really doing was taking the easy way out (safe) and not caring – if I was caring for him and for our relationship, I would have done something entirely different than just not saying anything at all.
To put it into perspective: if you thought you heard a man next door to you beating up his wife – but you couldn’t be sure – and had no proof of it, what would you do? Do you stay out of it because it’s “not your business”?
We’re in this society where we have to ‘fit in‘, and that is so encouraged that we don’t really know what caring IS. It’s either ‘acceptable’ to do, or not acceptable to do. In fact, caring is often not even in the picture.
Is it the right thing to do to ‘ignore’ your husband’s extra-marital affairs or stay married ‘for the sake of your children?’
(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)
What you need to do instead of doing the right’ thing
A lot of dating and relationship advice out there is based on a give and take mentality. Give and take seems to be the ‘smart’ thing to do so that we don’t get humiliated, hurt or ‘used’. I am in total support of women taking care of themselves first because giving so much that you’re neglecting yourself is a terrible way to do things – it’s bad for you, and it’s not inspiring for others. (read my article about the relationship advice women should never take)
However – what I would like you to do from now on is not to do the ‘right’ thing – whatever that might be to you, but instead, ask yourself:
‘What would I do in this situation if I truly cared about this person, this situation, and our relationship?’
The key is to stop doing what’s right and to start caring. It’s about courage.
One final question: Can you do or say the ‘wrong’ thing if you are coming from a caring place?
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
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