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Article updated 2018

So what if somebody finally says you’re hot?

Are you happy?

If so, for how long?

Do we have to upload a tonne of photos of ourselves posing in every humanly possible position in our bathroom on to Facebook to get to this point of being labelled hot? Or to prove something?

Or what about wear as little as is possible to snare attention from men that is only given because the amount of skin color glaring at them is more than the amount of covered area on your body?

So what if a bunch of men out at a party tell you, you’re the hottest woman of the night?

By the way, who are these men, and what are their intentions with you?

Be careful. Don’t get hooked.

Attention can be cheap.

Women who always get hooked are cheap.

Think of Tiger Woods’ mistresses as an example. He’s rich, he’s famous, he’s powerful and he has influence. And he’s highly ‘sought after’. Why not, right? I mean c’mon, what woman in her right mind would pass up a night (or 100) with Tiger Woods? Gee, I couldn’t even fathom what woman would!

‘Attention’ from one from the world’s most famous athletes is worth gold, isn’t it?

Oh and then why not tell the whole world you got a piece of him?

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

Hot vs True Radiance

Sure, all of us would like to be considered hot, and all of us should take good care of ourselves and be healthy so that we look as great as we deserve and feel as good as we deserve to feel.

But to have been considered hot as your goal?

What about doing something that matters?

One day, your body will age – usually sooner than you’d like. Then what?

Plastic surgery?

Lip injections?

Facelifts? To continue the cycle of considered-to-be hotness? (read my article about lasting youthfulness and radiance)

Hotness and Happiness

If someone finally says you’re hot, will that truly make you happy?

There are tonnes of beautiful, gorgeous, sexy women in the world (famous or not). We are bombarded with tonnes of these pictures every day. And by the way, hot sexy women in Hollywood get built up, and tore down all the time.

What the world is really lacking is not hot, sexy women who are willing to “put themselves out there”. What the world is lacking is truly attractive and radiant women whose genuine happiness and energy is a gift to all.

What will really touch people, and more importantly – what will really touch your own life – is your radiance. Your happiness. True radiance is beautiful in every sense of the word.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

What you really need

Strive for radiance; for giving a gift through your beauty, and your femininity in all it’s forms, not just to be considered the ‘hottest’.

When would now be a good time to realize what would truly make you happy?

Our culture – the media, the news – tries every possible way to get women to live in fear. Most of us have been influenced, even brainwashed, to harbor the belief that being the hottest will get you happiness.

We’re fed daily – even hourly (even without our permission) – pictures, videos, “news reports” on “the most beautiful women in the world”, as if it means everything. Who cares? At least if we take on the belief that that is true, the cosmetic companies can sell more and the media can cash in on your fears.

Is being hot really the goal, or is true radiance the goal? Where your radiance, and your high level of self-value and your beautiful feminine energy, happiness and compassion will touch everyone you come in contact with?

Then, being hot is the icing on the cake. And being called hot will be cheap in comparison to the feeling of touching others, and inspiring others with your genuine radiance. (read my article about how to be feminine)

Disclaimer: this is not an article about “not worrying about your appearance because brains are more important than beauty”. No. How you look is very important. I believe every woman should take great pride in how she presents herself.

But does your life revolve around getting that piece of attention and being called the hottest?

Does it revolve around getting cheap attention from men?

If it is, you have a hell of a lot of pain ahead of you.

So, do you really want to be the hottest? Or is what you really need to love and be loved? To worship a man and be worshipped by a man? To gift yourself and others with radiance and happiness?

I will venture to say that the media (and other things) has lied to you. It’s influenced you to think that what you need to do is be the most significant and sexiest girl, but that’s not what you really need.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

Don’t get hooked. What we want and what makes us happy are two very different things.

So, don’t get hooked. Don’t be cheap, and don’t sell yourself short to some ‘attention’.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

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jasmin
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jasmin

And, as for men who only what you as arm candy—NEXT!! The man you want is the one who listens to you, laughs at your jokes, and thinks you look great with no makeup and bad hair. Eliminate the man who doesn’t pay attention when you are talking about something other than HIM .

jasmin
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jasmin

@deanna, You’re only 24? OMG, you’re still a baby! I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. You have many years of beauty left. If you are not getting the attention that you once did , look DEEPLY inside yourself. That physical beauty is still there, but it is being smothered by self doubt. That’s the vibe your sending out now, and that’s what people are responding (or not responding) to. Otherwise, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I was a model and I had to fight to keep myself grounded in that business.… Read more »

deanna
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deanna

forgive me for saying: being hot sucks. I don’t want to sound like a boaster, but I’m really tall, really thin, and have a pretty symmetrical face- which means people are aways telling me how good looking I am, how I should be a model, etc.And most of my friends are really good looking too. (Male and female). And most of us have a really hard time maintaining a relationship. I have plenty of my own issues, but part of the reason my relationships often don’t last is that guys see me, and they THINK that they want to be… Read more »

antonia
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antonia

dear deanna, i am so sorry to hear your story. to help, i want you to try a little experiment for a week. everyday, get dressed but don’t focus on whether others will find you attractive in such and such an outfit with your hair in a certain way just get dressed for you. don’t think in terms of trying to look pretty for others but for yourself. what do you think? and feel about you? i want you to focus on what your favorite (non physical) qualities that you like about yourself: your kindness, your humor, your intelligence, etc.… Read more »

Hoi
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Hoi

Dear deanna, This response comes six years too late, but maybe you’ll still read this. I want to give you a big hug! Like you said, as a society we give a woman’s beauty a lot of value, but nothing deteriorates faster. I struggle with this daily too. That’s why if I ever am to have a daughter, I will say to her: ‘Be as smart as you are beautiful’. Meaning, have other traits that you can give beside your appearance. Kindness, compassion, grit, resilience, vulnerability, warmth. Intelligence, guts, wit. Any display of character. Take pride in your beauty, but… Read more »

jasmin
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jasmin

Here is a perfect example of the limits of “hotness.” This quote is from hip hop star Kanye West regarding his breakup with “hottie” Amber Rose: “Yeah man, it was an amazing time and it came to an end,” West said. “One of the greatest things that she showed me was just to be a nicer person because she was so disconnected from the concept of celebrity when I first met her…A celebrity could be talking to people crazy and everyone’s used to it at the label like, ‘He’s wildin’ out. It doesn’t matter.’ [Amber] be like, ‘What?! You just… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

Thank You Jasmin. You are awesome. xoxo

jasmin
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jasmin

@jayla, I think that we all understand the importance of physical attractiveness. Saying that, how come Halle Berry, Naomi Campbell, Jennifer Anniston, Tyra Banks, Elle McPherson, and a number of non famous beautiful women I know cannot for the life of them keep a man? Being hot is great, but it guarantees nothing except superficial attention from men. It’s different when men are judging women they’ve only seen in magazines or movies. That’s pure fantasy. But, if we are in a real, everyday relationship with a man, we’d better have something else going on other that “hotness” or we will… Read more »

jayla
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jayla

People need to understand that women are valued based on their physical appearance………….as long as a woman is beautiful or has a nice body, she will always get attention………….lol men go crazy over a woman that looks attractive to them………..in our society the exterior is ten times more important than the interior…………..Its shallow, but thats the way life is

JP
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JP

Wrong. Women are not valued based on their physical appearance. People who place value on appearances alone are shallow… but that is NOT just the way life is… the whole world does not operate this way. If what your saying is true a woman could be a rocket scientist or Mother Teresa herself but if she is ugly she has absolutely no value in life. This is just absurd. Please re-evaluate your views of life… don’t be one of the shallows.

Angie
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Angie

JP: It’s not right, but it’s unfortunately true–at least in the US. Women are very often judged by their appearance–if they’re pretty and perfect, they can and do have more opportunities than those who are “regular.” And forget it if you’re overweight or less attractive. You CAN prove yourself, but it’s definitely more difficult for “imperfect” women. As Jayla said, it’s shallow, but it really is the way our society can be, at least sometimes. This is not to say that society doesn’t value “less attractive” women, just that they’re quicker to give an “attractive” woman a chance to prove… Read more »

JP
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JP

Well, I do agree with most of what you are saying. Attractive women do seem have an advantage in some ways. But a woman’s VALUE is not based on appearance alone. Is she favored? treated differently? Catered to? Sometimes… but I would not say her real worth and value are placed there… only like you said by truly shallow people. Attractive women have to deal with problems bc of their looks too. They are often not taken seriously and assumed to be stupid or stuck up and bitchy. Other women often look for any reason to dislike them. It’s a… Read more »

jasmin
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jasmin

Brilliant, Renee! The amazing thing is that, YES, males respond to physical attractiveness. BUT– when it is coupled with true radiance, health and happiness, they respond tenfold. It doesn’t matter what male it is; the butcher, the UPS guy, a CEO or a kindergarten student. They will buzz around you like bees.

jasmin
Guest
jasmin

The sad thing is that Facebook is FILLED to the BRIM with young women who are so desperate for attention that they are willing to make fools of themselves by posting provocative photos and comments. Our culture is so media driven today ( “hottest” lists, askmen.com, People Magazine’s”most beautiful people list, etc.” Young women feel that they must push this aspect of femininity to the limit.

We sell men short when we do this. They are far more sensitive to the “inner glow” factor than we realize.

Renee
Guest
Renee

Thanks lovely Jasmin 🙂 Yes, Facebook is filled to the brim with stuff like that. It’s a magnifier – a magnifier of insecurities that already exist inside many, and if you act cheap, or are just out to get some attention, it shows in a second. And for sure, not only do we sell ourselves short, we are also selling men short. A merely ‘hot’ woman is one thing – but meeting a woman who they are compelled to take care of is a whole other world. 🙂 Nonetheless, appearance is of course, important. It signals a lot of things… Read more »

jasmin
Guest
jasmin

Yes, the key is to work for both–your very best appearance and your inner radiance. It’s a powerhouse combination!

VolleyGirl
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VolleyGirl

I agree, I don’t consider calling a woman “hot ” a compliment!

Jen
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Jen

Yesss! This is great. Excellent job Renee.

JP
Guest
JP

I know women who have become addicted to attention from men. They live to hear someone come on to them or tell them how hot or sexy they are. It is cheap… kinda pathetic really. Very superficial and unfulfilling. I feel sorry for these women because somehow they think that all their value is in the way the look. This is sooooo misplaced! Develop your value deeper than whats on the surface! Its great to be attractive and to take care of your outer appearance, but please do NOT stop there! Dig deep and become a whole well rounded person.… Read more »

Stephenie
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Stephenie

Funny thing is I only ever wanted to be called ‘hot’ by one man in my life. Whoever I am with at the time. The best comment I can make on your article is a poem I read once but do not know the author [if anyone does please tell me who, thanks]. I am looking for a guy who calls me beautiful instead of hot, who calls me back when I hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to my heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch me sleep. Waiting for the man… Read more »

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