Think about this for a moment: would you rather win 5 million dollars in the lottery this weekend, or work hard for the next 12 months to make $100,000? 5 million is 50 times the amount of $100,000, and you would have a lot more spending power with 5 million than you would with $100,000.

So which one would you rather? With 5 million, and provided you know the right investment strategies, you would never have to work again, and you’ll have a lot more freedom. However, with $100,000, you’ll most likely have to work more and make more money.

Now, let me tell you this. Most lottery winners who win millions (sometimes multi-millions, end up in debt within 5 years. BOOM. They had LESS money than they did when they won the lottery. And – they are more depressed. A lady in New Jersey actually won the lottery twice (to the tune of millions), spent 5.4 million dollars in 2 years and now lives in a trailer. A man who won millions now lives on food stamps and social security.

Somehow, most people who win the lottery lose all their money and more, and become more miserable. Yet, the person who works hard to make $100,00 typically can live better, and make more money. Success builds success. When you’ve worked for something (no matter what it is), typically, you improve exponentially.

The problem is that winning the lottery may mean instant significance and certainty, but no pride. Where would that come from? How can you feel pride when you’ve done nothing? When you’ve actually challenged yourself to grow, and earned something, you have a sense or pride that can never be taken away from you. Yet, instant gratification (as the title suggests) is instant and temporary.

Let’s try another example in a different context….

Have you ever met somebody who couldn’t stop talking about how great she is or how fantastic her life is? You know, some women just repetitively talk about, and post about (on Facebook, for example) their next lavish dinner, incredible lover, wonderful adventure, or outstanding ‘achievement’. A lot of it is a ‘fly under the radar’ way of saying ‘LOOK AT ME! I NEED YOU TO THINK I’M AMAZING!’ (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

On the surface, there’s nothing bad about this, and it’s just innocent sharing. However, you can always tell the difference between the ones who do it to share and connect and the ones who are doing it to make themselves feel good/superior or to try and make others feel bad or feel less around them, can’t you? I bet you can. It’s just a case of ‘my life is so much better than yours’, and ‘I’m so much hotter than you’.

See, they don’t realize that people know, deep down, WHY they do what they do. Us humans are really attuned to these things because we have to be aware of the people around us who may not have our best interests at heart. The animal part of us has done this for millions of years. People smell subterfuge from a mile away!

The interesting thing is, it’s that very tendency of these women to have their happiness revolve around getting better this and better that (whether that be clothes, experiences, looks or ‘enhancements’) that makes them blind to the fact that people know they are insecure and unfulfilled. People know that they don’t really have high self value. Their constant need to feel significant and worthy (and subsequent search for reasons to feel this) gives them a false sense of superiority and an inclination towards pretentious behavior.

(please note: I don’t see anything wrong with buying clothes as they enhance your feminine radiance, etc – it’s all about the reasons behind the actions).

The constant search to feel better than other people is fleeting

This constant search for significance that most women have is something that has to always be kept up with. It’s HARD work, because the pleasure is fleeting. It’s like, one has to post a picture of their lavish cruise on Facebook with the tag line “it’s a hard life” week after week because if they don’t, then the experience really isn’t THAT great. Or the experience doesn’t actually make them happy (surprise!). Do you see what I’m getting at here? (read my article about finding your true purpose)

I know a woman who spends 6 months out of the year traveling around the world on cruise ships, in the most expensive cabins, going to all different parts of the world, yet every time I ask her, ‘how was your trip?’ I am surprised to hear nothing positive. Ever. Only complaints, and what was negative about it. No, I’m actually not kidding. This same woman talks almost solely about how wealthy she is, and how low class and terrible everybody else is. (Click here to complete the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually?)

Yet, nothing makes her happy. She’s just not fulfilled. Interesting……

I’ll ad to this list the woman who won’t stop talking and talking about the man or men who said they were hot and wouldn’t stop calling her and chasing her. But when it’s time you want to tell your story, and share something of your own; suddenly, her ears disappear?

The repetitive search for significance

The search for significance (perhaps superiority if you prefer) is empty. It’s not fulfilling. Especially for feminine women! Deep down, we really want to be connected, to radiate love and to love and be loved.Yes, we all still must have a way of feeling special. That’s just the human nature of it all – but there are many different ways to feel this, and most people go for the cheap path. The cheap path being the quickest way to mask the feeling of inferiority.

I have a typical example. A woman is spending time with her boyfriend in a bar or restaurant, and he has a very attractive female friend. Automatically (without even stopping to think, because her patterns are so ingrained) she starts saying bad things about the attractive friend, or expressing her distaste at something she said, wore or did, or playing down her attractiveness. (read my article about how to attract men)

The fastest way to feel significant is by tearing someone else down. It’s easy, it’s like reaching for the microwave dinner every night on end instead of making fresh veggies and steak or something that’s going to truly nourish the body.

The best way to feel significant is through contributing and through growth.

Pride is forever

That empty feeling that comes from not feeling worthy enough, and knowing you haven’t really made yourself do anything is inevitable because we all need to contribute and grow to be truly fulfilled. It’s just much harder, and counter-intuitive to do things this way. Easy is easy.

The search for significance to make yourself feel good about your life doesn’t last. PRIDE is forever. Pride is something you always have, which means you have your own resources and don’t need to constantly take from others. (note: pride being: a sense of one’s own value).

Pride comes from knowing that you can and have made a difference (to yourself and to others). Pride comes from knowing that you care (first and foremost about yourself, and about others). It’s a knowing that you are ultimately valuable and worthy because you ADD to the lives of your loved ones, rather than taking. This kind of feeling can surpass everything!

The reason the constant search for easy significance leads to emptiness is because deep down, even though we may feel good every now and then about what we’ve done for ourselves, we know we’re traitors to what really matters and what’s truly lasting – that is: contribution, love – nurturing your relationships with those around you, and whatever else is truly lasting in life. Contribution and growth leads to ultimate fulfillment!

The rewards you get from chasing significance are never that great. But when you’ve truly added to someone’s life – when you’ve really made a difference, the rewards come back to you ten-fold. These kind of rewards knock you off your feet.

Yes, even if you’re in a room full of ‘models’. Even if you are a high-school drop-out. Even if other people are looking down upon you for whatever reason – THAT is when pride has it’s value, because if you’re always striving for significance rather than contribution, you will have that knee-jerk reaction – that instant need to fight back, and take back what you feel has been ‘taken’ from you.

You become a ‘walking reaction’, vulnerable to every trigger of your lack of self-worth.

What you give you get to keep (especially for yourself). What you fail to give, you lose forever.

Every woman can benefit from feminine pride, as can the people around her. This is not to say that having monetary riches, beautiful clothes and a bachelor’s degree have no value at all. It just depends how you fulfill your own needs, and whether that’s what you rely on to feel good, as well as what your own values are. There are a number of very intelligent people around who are ‘educated’ in the traditional sense of the word, and who make lots of money but don’t feel the need to flaunt it because they already feel good enough within themselves.

They know their worth. Having pride means you have your own resources, and don’t always have to be digging for attention, or manipulating people, or lying to people in order to get them to give you the reaction you want.

Do you want to discover the 17 Attraction Triggers and get his attention. Click here to get the eBook.

Finally: Do you agree with this post? I want to know how you fulfill your sense of pride? What do you think is the best way to feel that you’re worthy as a woman? Leave a comment below, and I look forward to hearing your ideas!

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Tanya Rachel WieczorekAngel-EyesHodanStefanieApril Recent comment authors
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Angel-Eyes
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Angel-Eyes

WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW.COM So many interesting articles on The Feminine Woman Blog, they certainly arouse my passion to no end 😀 What can I say other than waw and that my emotions are showing up as picture form of a hamster running erratically on it’s hamster wheel, lol. The reason I feel so excited about this written post is that from the age of 20, I had a book in mind that I wanted to write. I’m not joking it was such a big passion in my heart, I held onto the idea for so long that it felt so real. The… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
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Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

Angel-Eyes, have you written your book yet? It sounds like a very interesting one! How about Twist of Fate for the title? Although I’m sure that title’s been used alot already!

Hodan
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Hodan

Renee: The problem is that winning the lottery may mean instant significance and certainty, but no pride. Where would that come from? How can you feel pride when you’ve done nothing? When you’ve actually challenged yourself to grow, and earned something, you have a sense or pride that can never be taken away from you. Yet, instant gratification (as the title suggests) is instant and temporary. Hodan: Very true, but it also indicates how fleeting most get rich quick schemes are for people. If you have no skills or knowledge about financial management, its a shock to the system to… Read more »

Stefanie
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Stefanie

Truly food for the (hungry) soul. The irony is that as a woman who is confident enough to instead accept and maybe even compliment the very attractive friend becomes far more radiant and attractive in her kindness and inner confidence. Take the high road, even when it feels scary and unknown…you may just discover that denying your natural inclination to give in to jealousy leads to the uncovering of someone beautiful.

April
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April

I truly enjoyed this article! It truly made me analyze myself and see where things are missing. It’s fully true that we jump to the first reaction of wanting to defend ourselves when confronted like that. And its DEFINITELY true that we try and make ourselves seem better than others to feel significant. And I know I’ve been both those kinds of people before! If we are truly contributing and loving, it really won’t matter whether someone says those kinds of things to us, and we wont feel the want to show off anymore because we are already filled. So… Read more »

VolleyGirl
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VolleyGirl

I agree, when you work hard at something you tend to value it more… I have seen it in my life, happen all the time because you will always remember the hard work ,perseverance and determination that you needed to achieve your goals. About the lottery thing, when some people win the lottery, in they are financially struggling they tend to think that the money they won, will never end. I think that is the problem. Even a couple of weeks ago I was wacthing on TV a Brazilian guy that won the lottery and spent the 2/3 years just… Read more »

April
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April

Renee, Way to be a bright and beautiful light in the world. It has been a tough road unknotting these programmed tendencies that you describe so perfectly. I’ve still got a wide river to cross myself but I do have a technique I learned that has helped me so much with my petty jealousies, negative self-talk, lack of worthiness and all the rest. When a gorgeous woman catches my boyfriends eye (I forget that I’m looking at her too) or when any other innocent gives me that awful feeling (and those awful thoughts) of worthlessness I silently pray for them… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

April,

I am so moved by your words. It’s rare to see someone as open in heart, mind and body to giving – as you are. What a wonderful way to approach the problem. Thank You for sharing that with me, and with every other woman who reads.

Love to you.

Sona
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Sona

Renee,
From the last six months i am going through ur articles.I appreciate ur help for completely changing my perspective of viewing myself as well as others.

Jackie
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Jackie

I work with a woman who is CONSTANTLY tearing other people down to build herself up. She lies, cheats, and manipulates others to make herself feel better. She also pulls other women into her web of deceit. I am her main target for bullying and trashing. I assume the other women go along with her because they don’t want to become a target! I pity her because I know why she does it. She’s in her early forties and I don’t believe she will ever change. Some women are so damaged emotionally that they can never see themselves for what… Read more »

Beryl
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Beryl

This post came just in time for me. I am struggling with my sense of self-worth and feeling insecure while vying for attention to feed my fragile ego. But I am committed to changing.

Angela
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Renee,

there is a depth to your writing that I truly appreciate. We are totally on the same wavelength, I find your posts interesting, challenging & thought provoking.
You have a way of putting into words what most people sense just below the surface, but can’t semm to explain. Great work, and I agree with the pride & self value post.
Angela.
PS. Go the Aussies!!!

Renee
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Renee

Oh goodness me, this is exciting; an AUSSIE!! (I hope I’m right in assuming you are an Aussie?) Most my readers are from the U.S, and the Aussies seem to be quiet and a little more shy when it comes to comments. Thanks for your comment Angela 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

Kira
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Kira

I’ve known a few woman like that but I’ve always assumed it was out of jealousy. This is a different perspective on the matter. I haven’t ever taken a habit of being that way but I do remember a time when I tried to tear someone down because I was upset. It was an ex of mine and he had broke up with me the day before. As you can imagine I was pretty upset so I was just mean. I wanted him to hurt like I did. I didn’t even notice I was doing it until a girl friend… Read more »

Catherine
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Catherine

Absolutely true. Makes me think of an ex-friend of mine who keeps wondering why she feels so low about herself. It is all about pretence in her, her desperate need for attention, her look-at-me, listen-to-me, stay-with-me, follow-me, agree -with-me attitude (don’t take me wrong, she is extremely feminine on the outside which is something I always admired her for and she does get the attention she deserves for that – but only on the outside) her manipulative ways and ‘bitching’ if she doesn’t get what she wants from people, her spirit of emulation solely based on competition and looking good… Read more »

Reem
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Reem

Lottery money is gambling money and it usually doesn’t have blessings in it.

Cyndi
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Cyndi

I loved the blod today! Great and amazing words and thoughts. Some of these beliefs I have thought of before and some I have not. I wish I could get every woman I know to read this! Wonderful!

Cyndi
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Cyndi

I meant “blog” sorry! :p

Renee
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Renee

haa, blod. I love it. Thanks for your lovely kind words. Love to you! xoxoxoxo

Rachelle
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Rachelle

What a truly amazing blog. Yes, we all know people like that, but I recognised some of those qualities in myself as I was reading it. Time to check in with reality and imagine what I sound like to those around me. It’s so true about the defending oneself because of our insecurities. Thank you for the thought-provoking and inspiring words!!

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