“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.” -Gerry Spence.
In our culture, we are bombarded with negativity every day. If you watch the news (I stopped watching any Television and reduced my ‘news’ intake about 4 years ago, although I still read the news selectively) you will know that we are always given reasons to fear. The news and the tabloids are always giving us reasons to be fearful. (Click here to download your “Goddess Report”)
If you believe what is fed to you by the news, and the useless magazines, and you don’t make an effort to feed your heart and mind with loving messages, you probably think you can’t trust anybody. On the news every day there’s stories about who’s cheating on who, or what celebrity is in rehab, or who is going through a divorce, or who got murdered by her husband.
Growing up, and growing old, we are trained to look for what is ‘wrong’ in things. We’re encouraged to look for what’s missing, where somebody has failed, or how somebody’s intentions aren’t genuine, because we live in a world of fear and conflict. Most people act out of fear, and we are encouraged to be skeptical, negative and to protect ourselves.
Settling for a belief that dis-empowers you and the people you love is gutless.
It takes no courage, for you, as a woman, to see the bad in people, in a situation – in anything! It takes no courage to be a pessimist, to criticize, or to think the worst of people.
Being Realistic VS Having Courage
The problem with being negative or “realistic” – (which really is another word for seeing things in a way that makes you powerless so you can justify not taking any action) is that it’s easy to do, and we start doing it ALL the time out of habit, without consciously being aware of it. Instead, acting from a place of pride and self-respect or love would be the better way to go about things.
The reason why there’s plenty of mediocre advice out there is because this is what most people do. They become “realistic”, when, they’re really giving themselves a reason to turn cynical, or as I like to say, giving themselves a reason to keep the status quo – so they don’t inspire change in themselves, in their relationship or in others.
This takes no emotional muscle, and it takes zero courage.
This is what most people do. Most people do what is easy.The average woman will look for the bad in things, so don’t cheap out on yourself with pessimism.
See, people tend to think that by noticing all the bad things in a situation, or in their boyfriend or husband, they’re doing themselves a favor – because we’ve all been taught to be “smart about things” (in other words, be careful, and watch out for when things will go wrong, and when they do – RUN).
Reacting To The Behavior Of Men
It’s just all too easy to look at someone else’s behavior and just put it down to them being an idiot. Especially men. However, this is the attitude of an averagewoman. It’s an attitude that leads to mediocrity. Do you really want that? Do you really want an average life? Or an average relationship? Do you really want to just be a mediocre person? Or to have mediocre standards for yourself?
A relationship that’s just ‘OK’? A life where you ‘survive’ – in other words, you just ‘get by’? This is where cynicism and negativity will get you. Nobody ever achieved anything great, and nobody ever achieved true happiness by thinking badly about things.
Scared and cowardly people sit in their corner pointing out what’s ‘wrong’ with things.
I know of a relationship ‘guru’ who once said men are supposed to be givers in relationships.
I’m sorry? I’ve got news: no-one is supposed to be anything in relationships. People do what meets their needs, and if you want to impose rules on any man – make sure you can meet them yourself first. My bet is that you don’t even always meet your own rules.
And the more rules you have – the less happy you will be. In general, the more rules we have about how things ‘should’ be, the less likely we are to find and maintain that loving relationship that we want. (read my article about stop doing the right thing)
Easy Is Not Rewarding
If it was easy, we wouldn’t grow. And we ALWAYS have to grow. What happens if we are not growing? We’re dying. If everything was easy, and we didn’t have to challenge ourselves, then we could ALL have super boyfriends and husbands, and we would all ‘get the job’, or live that great lifestyle, and we know that’s not the truth.
And if you want a great relationship and a quality man, you cannot look for the bad in things; you have to look for the good.
This is called courage, although most people would tell you it’s stupidity or naivety. I call this attitude mediocrity.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore the truth – no, you have to acknowledge the truth, see it for what it is, and then see itbetterthan it is, so you can do something about it. If you see it as just a crappy situation, you’re not going to be driven to do anything about anything.
And this is how mediocrity is bred.
So, instead of calling someone a ‘man-child’, or a commitment-phobe, instead of saying he’s just an a**, just stop for a minute. People do things for a reason, and we cannot help ourselves by settling for these mediocre beliefs. You know better, don’t you?
I’m not telling you to accept bad treatment. Not at all (and there will be men out there who want to take advantage of you). What I am suggesting is to have high standards for yourself, and to not trap yourself in dead-end patterns or beliefs that lead you nowhere closer to the life and love that you truly deserve, and certainly don’t lead you to understand yourself or other people any better.
Remember that quote: ‘An eye for an eye will eventually make the world go blind’?
It’s true, but most importantly, it makes You blind.
And soon enough, alone. (read my article about how to deal with loneliness)
In relationships, and with men, you simply cannot afford to punish (passively or actively – emotionally or physically) and to see a man as less than he is.
Don’t settle for beliefs and conclusions that dis-empower you! You are worth more than that!
You don’t HAVE to settle, or to point the finger. Every day you get to choose. You get to choose what mindset to have, and you get to choose to hold yourself to a higher standard.
This is not to say that you don’t accept that there will be men (or women, or whoever) out there who want to take advantage of you – it means you see it for what it is, but do not get dis-encouraged by focusing on everything that is bad.
So From Now On, Here Is What I Want You To Do:
The better way to see things would not be to pretend everything is great and buy in to the whole silly positive thinking idea – the better way would be to see things as they are, (acknowledge the truth), and then find a way to make it better.
I’ve had my turn, now please share any mediocre beliefs or thought patterns you can think of. And share with us how you overcome negativity.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.