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Article updated 2018

Happy New Year!

I have found that we are most lonely and depressed as women when we make all our decisions from Fear. Essentially, for a woman, that looks like this: being dictated by our ‘heads’; making decisions from our heads, not our gut or our heart.

Heady decisions are decisions made from old patterns. Patterns are a survival mechanism, and therefore come from Fear.

Most of us live a year after year, guided by a series of millions of fearful decisions.

I would take a guess and suggest that most of us are guided by Fear hundreds of time each DAY.

The best relationships and friendships, I feel, are the ones that inspire you away from fear in to love and give you more internal resources to do more for others you love outside of yourself.

(Click here to take the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Because, after all, that’s all we have.

I feel that everything else is an illusion.

Money, nice careers, exciting moments, nice clothes, nice holidays, everything, is threatened by loss.

Everything we get and achieve is already being lost.

Our bodies are older each second…

The only thing we have is love.

I hope that in 2014 you as a woman allow your gut and your heart to guide you more. Not your head. A life lead by ‘heady’ actions leads to incredible suffering. I have felt it often and it’s a hard cycle to break.

I hope in 2014, you give yourself the gift of knowing that Love is all
we have. In fact, our ability to ‘do’ love, is all we have.

I am guessing that you are more than your past decisions show you to be.

You may ‘achieve’ a lot, but like most , of us, still feel lonely and feel that something is missing, so there is a never ending stress in your gut, your jaw, and your shoulders. Think about it, are you familiar with this stress I am talking about?

Maybe vaguely?

Maybe you know it well.

It’s probably there a lot more than you know.

And you are not alone.

This stress and tension gives us the false idea that it will go away on its own.

It doesn’t go away until you break your heady thoughts and go in to your gut or your heart. There, lies the true you. You can trust the things you feel, do and say from this place.

I hope that in 2014, you will make more decisions from the well of love in your heart than you make from your head. You are most powerful and loving and unforgettable when you feel and act from there.

When you have moment where you feel unworthy, remember that this is your pattern guiding you to be separate from others. It’s easy to feel unworthy.

(Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

It gets us cheap, short-lived attention.

But that attention we get is an obligatory attention from the people around us. It hurts them, and it hurts us.

I feel that what truly fulfils us as women, is our own ability to breathe love and BE love.

Approval from others comes and goes. And once it goes, we go straight back to that dreaded empty feeling.

Seeking approval leads to years of suffering. Once you get the approval, it’s a drug, you have to go back for more, because it always disappears as fast as it comes.

But Love is always available to you, that’s something that you can draw from within yourself when you are ready.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

Click here to download the Goddess Report.

Love,

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Arlene Packer
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Arlene Packer

Forgive me but I don’t get this “think with your pelvis” idea. Please explain further.

Philippa
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Philippa

Great article I don’t disagree with any of it. 1) how to move more into the pelvis 2)how to be love – renee if you can write on that in such a way that your readers in whatever heady fearful number inauthentic state we are get it than the whole world could change. I get excited just thinking about how the world could be if women were love. Off topic but my reason for being invulnerable is both my parents hated us to be vulnerable and expressing feelings around them really upset them – my dad wanted us to be… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

Your husband isn’t your parents is he? Give it a try. Don’t sell a guy short. And frankly, abuse is a matter of perspective. You choose to think of certain behaviors as abusive sometimes. You can talk yourself out of trusting someone and really loving someone.

madhu
Guest
madhu

hi B…..i also used to fear to be OPEN to people ,sharing problems and showing my vulnerabilities,because theres a risk,people make fun of you,they gossip about your weaknesses and so i think keeping your secrets in your heart is the SAFEST place, but now i have started exploring different personalities and started making friendships with different types of people…the one who are themselves free minded and are so busy in improving themselves that they have no time for criticizing others,who genuinely listens to me,do not judge and help me grow into wonderful person,just like our RENEE…!

Every day gives new meaning
Guest
Every day gives new meaning

Thankyou Renee! We are all really upset today, we are hurting inside. We had an uncomfortable experience recently and were all choosing to rise about even though we feel awful and dazed, “but we’re in the safest place yet”. We’re all so badly damaged from the years of unconscious habbital conditioning, so we come to the only trustable safe port that feels to be a haven to us in our time of fear and anxiety. Some of us want to say thankyou for saving our life. “You’ve been a great influence into taking us into a higher place so we… Read more »

Joan
Guest
Joan

I think I spent a lifetime seeking approval. And you know, its just not me, needing or even wanting approval. I totally screwed that up. I confided in a girlfriend one day, and told her my emotions are sometimes all over the place! She told me to get that under control. And I wasn’t. She acted like I was going to throw myself over a cliff or kill someone. That I shouldn’t be trusted. I said its ok, its just me. Kind of felt like when you get company show up out of the blue and the house is a… Read more »

marie
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marie

hi rennee, Just wondering, if detaching regularly (e.g. every couple of months) too often? Its just that my man closes off so often that i feel like when we detach so often we aren’t progressing, because it feels more like a negative cycle of us getting close – he detaches – we separate – then he comes back; and the cycle starts again – back at square one (which is me trying to deepen our connection). He always detaches when our connection is strengthening; and by the time he comes back, the connection has to be re-built. Is this an… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

A man has to feel he can trust you to open up like you want, first and foremost. If every time he opens up you only see everything he says as an attack on you, he’s going to stop opening up. It’s a defense mechanism.

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

I always feel there is “something missing.” I’m also in my head much of the time… except for in my relationship, which is going well. But everything else feels there is something missing & I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s because I hate the city I live in, or if it’s because I’m not “using my pelvis”. There are times when my “pelvis” talks to me and I try to follow it, but then it disappears suddenly and leaves me confused as to what’s truth and what’s in my head.

Neal
Guest

You’ve really hit the nail on the head there. Even as a man I agree 100% with what you are saying.

Happy New Year! =)

Holly
Guest
Holly

Hello Renee I think the problem is I’m missing out on a sex life, as if my body is trying to deceive me into thinking I can replace a chemical sex high for love, and the really hard part is to not follow up on my actions and hold back for my self respect and dignity. I actually feel quite sad such as an empty feeling inside, I actually feel quite disconnected were it’s the thing I need most; not some quick unhealthy fling were I’m taking value from another person. Although it might not be apparent to some people,… Read more »

B
Guest
B

Hi Renee.. I’ve expressed and shared so much on this post, that I feel very nervous 😐 I was even looking for an option to delete my comments, but couldn’t find it…

…I can recognize my fear of being judged.. and a fear of being open and vulnerable and sharing your personal deep secrets. We face so so many fears everyday, especially due to relationships… sigh..

Katelyn
Guest

Hi Renee! I had read this New Years day, but I did not have access to a computer at the time, and have been dying to comment on this. I have been reading your blog for a little over a year now and I often felt that I understood what you were saying when you would speak of having this fear that a man would leave and that we as women have often been told that feminine traits aren’t always valued (i.e. women should help to provide for the family by pursing a career and spending less time with their… Read more »

Catherine
Guest
Catherine

Hi, I have a strange question. How can you make a man more masculine? My man is wonderful, but it freaked me out when he said he felt safe and protected with me. I find that he is the one who wants looking after, he snuggles under my arm on the sofa, he gets sick more often and demands attention and its me who makes most of the plans. He’s the dreamer and Im the practicalone. I would like him to be a bit more masculine. He loves that Im ‘stronng’ (sigh) Is there anything i can do to reset… Read more »

Gwenda Lim
Guest
Gwenda Lim

Happy New Year to you Renee! Thanz so much for sharing your thought-provoking insights all this while. I’ve learnt much and hope to apply them soon! As for your letter, I totally agree with everything you’ve said. There was this guy that I would meet every time I take the lift to reach my office. He’s tall, dark and rather good-looking and so you know, the attraction was there. He works at a motorcycle workshop and I would daydream of myself being his passenger on one of his coolest bikes. There were a few instances when our eyes met but… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

Society can manipulate the feminine out of you. Whether that feminism trying to tell you that you need men like fish need a bicycle or it’s your own judgmental princess in your head, based on what Disney tells you you should want or whatever, you’re letting society tell you what you want. Most men don’t have that problem… unless he’s a weak mangina who lets his feminist wife tell him he’s supposed to think and feel. Where is the pride and dignity in those men??

Adebukola Ibirogba
Guest

Thanks so much, Renee. You’re a lifesaver. I turned 18 last year and I wanted to be a woman in all the glory of feminity and I found your website. It changed my thought flow.
Thank you and keep up the good job

Nafiseh
Guest
Nafiseh

Hi.Renee.I read your mails and articles every night and enjoy it. about three days ago I sent my ex boy friend ( the only I’ve ever had actually after one and half year;he cheated and lied me and other things I’m not sure what exactly happened because there were lots of secrets about him and actually he lied me maybe a lot)for some reasons because the last time we talked ( about two years ago) he said I’m still your friend by the way I sent him this message ” could you do me a favor” and he answered who… Read more »

Ingrid
Guest
Ingrid

Hello I want to wish you and your family a Happy New Year full of love and good health. I also want to take this opportunity to say thank you. I love David and your work. ACM is so insightful and great, I cannot wait for my month 5. I know I sound like I am doing somekind of AD of this but I can honestly say that I love it. all the best Renee and keep up with your amazing work.

Dahlia
Guest
Dahlia

I only wished to say happy new year 😉 loved your so inspiring words…

Dahlia
Guest
Dahlia

I only wished to say happy new year 😉

blogster
Guest
blogster

Renee really hits the nail on the head here. My last two serious girlfriends were majorly feminine. And despite being very different people, it inspired a common reaction – a strong desire to protect, to touch, to hold, to smile, to tell her she was beautiful, to buy her little gifts at random. But there was no coercion on their parts, simply their femininity compelled me to. And in reflection I realise these two copped some major aggression ranging from subtle to passive aggressive to outright snarky. Even from so called friends. Unfortunately today, women in Anglo countries (USA, Australia,… Read more »

Kathy
Guest
Kathy

This was really great to read… just to hear from a guy how it really does make them feel a stronger connection. Have you watched The Big Blue? The woman in that is SO feminine. As I was watching it I kind of realized how I had not seen women like this in many shows or movies. I agree that there is a strong feeling of competition now… I think women feel so much pressure to look perfect and good enough, to be the “hottest” in the room, that they have lost connection to a part of them that is… Read more »

Luke
Guest
Luke

They’re trying to compete with men rather than trying to work with men. They’d rather fight men than love men and how can that not be unattractive?? They’re essentially asking us to see them like we see other guys; competition. Men and women are supposed to compliment each other, not contend with each other.

Jasmine
Guest
Jasmine

Dear Renee Hope all the best for you and your family I love your thought I’m single but I am in love I love God in every seconds of my life He knows me and know all of my sins but still love me because I am his servant I am not the servant of any one unless him And God is who I try to seek his attention all the time not others I try to worship him all the time God, the creator of universe is who worth my love I try to please him and no one… Read more »

Rose
Guest
Rose

Hello Jasmine, I am also inspired and encouraged by your comment. Sometimes we are afraid to talk about God in social media, and why because of FEAR, and as Renee keeps pointing out ‘any decision made out of fear is the wrong one’. We need to be vulnerable enough to admit that we need him and to also share the LOVE with others around us. I can tell that you LOVE God, but don’t forget that he also commanded us to LOVE others as we love ourselves. God knows all the desires of your heart and he will give you… Read more »

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