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Article updated 2018

I’d like to refer you to this video in which Bernard Chapin (a devout anti-feminist) talks about women, age, what men like, and this article titled: Cougars and MILF’s Rule! 40 Year old Women are WAY Hotter Than 20 Year Olds!

I will say that I am a fan of Bernard’s. He is very entertaining on camera (hilarious in fact), and he does have passion and a strong presence of which I respect and like. However, in this video he says (among other things):

“What men desire more than anything in women is youth; that’s just the way that it is. Youth correlates with fertility. Men are devoted to women for the purposes of reproduction”.

This doesn’t send the nicest message to women around the world. What woman wants to think that when she reaches a certain age, that her man is going to want someone younger than her? Or that she’s no longer as valuable as a younger woman? What happens then, to the notion of love and attraction? (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

This is like saying: “Women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money”. And though we know this is true for some women, for many women this is simply untrue. What about women saying that they only like tall men? What then, is to become of shorter men? Should they expect a lower quality of life because they are shorter than their male counterparts? The short answer is no.

Manliness has nothing to do with height. I’ve seen very short men who were so manly and attractive that I didn’t even consider their height to be an issue.

I would like to say however, that Bernard’s statement does have value, and it does have truth to it. For example, if a man is incompetent/unintelligent/cannot provide for a woman at all, he may not be as attractive to most females as other men who have more resources. But my point is that women wouldn’t necessarily be devoted to men solely for their ability to provide/their money. If they were, they would take up any so-called ‘better opportunity’ that comes along even if they were taken. (read my article about is it wise to pick a man who love you more than you love him?)

I believe women are devoted to a man  who is in his essence, a man. In other words, if he represents strength, has passion, is confident and driven; that’s attractive to a woman. There are exceptions though. A less driven man will, conversely, attract a woman who is more driven than him, because it makes up for his lack of direction. We attract what we deserve, and we attract a partner based on the energy we put out.

A sexually ‘neutral’ person (although they are rare), will not be so big on the masculine/feminine dichotomy however, and will be happy in a relationship where the roles are interchanged regularly. Most of us (80% of us) are either more masculine at our core, or more feminine, and therefore prefer (as well as attract) someone whose sexual essence is more opposite to ours.

Both Bernard’s statement above, and my example statement that ‘women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money’ indicate ONE thing. That in each respective scenario, the man/woman wants a partner of the opposite sex for what they can GET from them. This is what most people are like. They go in to a relationship thinking about what they can get from the other person. They want someone who makes them feel good. This is not the way to run a relationship!

And, though I do believe men want a woman who has great reproductive value, who is attractive, radiant and gorgeous, that’s not all there is to it.

I wanted to address this issue, because progressively over the years, I’ve heard women around me bemoan their age, and feel upset that they are ‘past their use-by date’, and they fear that their husband will leave them for a younger woman. And this is a terrible feeling for all women. We want to be loved! We don’t want to be traded in for a more ‘up-to-date’ model!

It’s true that there are women in their 50s who are being left by their husband – sometimes for a younger woman. But it really has nothing to do with your age.

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

What is Youth

‘Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Anthony Robbins

Youth is energy. Youth is vitality. Youth is radiance.

Youth – is not dependent upon age. Youth is how a woman acts. Youth is a state of mind. Youth is founded upon your beliefs and values. There are a lot of 18 year-olds who look and act like they are about 40. Conversely, there are a lot of beautiful older women who look and act like they are 16.

Take Goldie Hawn for example. I’ve not seen a woman 60+ with more radiance in a while. She just oozes sex appeal, femininity and sensuality. I remember I was at a seminar run by Anthony Robbins back in 2007 with 5,000 other people, and he asked for a show of hands from the men who thought that Goldie Hawn was more attractive than her daughter, Kate Hudson. There was a significant number of men who raised their hands. No, I’m not kidding.

I won’t deny that there are men out there who want a younger woman. There are many men out there who want a woman for what she can do for him. Give him sex, better social status, make him look good, make him look like the ‘alpha male’, etc. But needless to say, there are plenty of men out there who are not looking for this specifically.

Some men will say they find younger women more attractive than an older woman and then talk about how attractive Halle Berry or Catherine Zeta-Jones are. Most women will talk about how these women have all had plastic surgery. But if you don’t believe a woman can look youthful and gorgeous 60 or even 70+ without surgery, please check out Mimi Kirk (if you haven’t seen or heard of her, please take a look, she is incredible)! (read my article about how to achieve youthfulness and radiance)

What do Men Want?

So, what is it exactly that men want? Is a woman unattractive past a certain age? Maybe to a certain type of man. But here’s the truth: ATTRACTION has little to do with age. Attraction has to do with polarity. Polarity meaning the masculine/feminine dichotomy that creates a spark in your relationship. Why else would there be so many younger men dating older women?

Polarity creates passion, excitement, that feeling of being in love, and ecstacy!

Attraction can be triggered regardless of age, and even despite a perceived ‘lack’ of other important factors. That is one of the reasons why you see good-looking men with women whom you may find very ‘unattractive’ or not pretty. (read my article about how to make a man want you)

Femininity knows no age. Men love femininity. Men love women full stop. Femininity attracts masculinity. As long as a woman remains feminine, she won’t have a problem. Why is femininity important?

Well, no woman can truly rely solely on her looks. A lot of men may go for a younger woman because younger women tend to be more innocent, youthful, carefree, ‘un-burdened’ by life’s responsibilities, un-burnt (not bitter from past relationships and past experiences) and of course, it seems to be generally true that before a woman has children and other huge life responsibilities, she is a lot more free.

Younger women tend to also keep their hair long, are sometimes more fun to be around, look up to an older man more, admire an older man more, and be attracted to his masculinity. A lot of older women let themselves lose their zest for life, become boring and ‘serious’, and lose their youthfulness and radiance. Youth doesn’t have to be lost. Looks may be lost, but youth is forever. And, if a woman really, truly keeps herself in shape, eats well, stays happy and exercises, she needn’t have wrinkles even past her 70s!

What men really want is to make their woman happy. Women often seem to, progressively over the years develop a chip on their shoulder and lose their femininity. They lose their precious sense of freedom, radiance, liveliness, innocence, trustfulness and sensitivity.

A man wants to be trusted and looked up to. Just because a woman is older and has more so-called ‘experience’ doesn’t mean she cannot still be feminine, be innocent, look up to her man, let him lead her sometimes (I’m not talking about being docile) and act and feel young.

For many men, as they get older, they want to feel young again. They want to feel like they are still as strong, able, ‘invincible’, and important as they were in their youth. Often, this is why they go for a younger woman. Because they feel a younger woman can make them feel younger and more youthful and bring them more happiness and excitement. And we all know that a lot of the times, older men are being replaced in their job by a younger man, which is difficult for a man.

Many older women also lose interest in sex. I’ve discussed this before in the article 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive Their Man of Sex’. A younger woman is sometimes more interested in sex, more willing to make time for it. and more likely to make a man feel like he is still attractive and still ‘has it’. Basically, a man wants a woman who makes him feel like a man! That’s it!

Whilst a 60 year old woman may not look like she did at 20, 30 or 40; femininity is forever. And the greatest thing is that older women often have incredible grace, wisdom and confidence. How beautiful!

As I see it, the reason a man would go for a younger woman is exactly the same reason a man may want to go for an older woman; he’s looking for a feeling.

All men are different. Some men may feel that they can get that feeling from a younger woman. Some may feel that they can get it from an older woman. But ultimately it has nothing to do with age. Both women and men are mistaken in thinking that it is solely to do with age.

In the words of a man….

To close this article, I want to leave you with this passage, written by David Deida, the American author, independent researcher, and teacher (yes, written by a man) which is just so beautiful:

‘For several months, I lived on the Indonesian island of Bali. While I was there, I established a friendship with a Balinese family who owned and operated a little restaurant with three bamboos tables, and where I frequently ate. The family consisted of three sisters and their mother. The three sisters, all in their early 20s, were extraordinarily beautiful. Any one of them could have been a magazine cover girl. Two of the sisters were, in fact, professional models. Their bodies, their faces, their hair – everything about their appearance was captivating. I could hardly eat, their beauty was so enchanting.

For the first few weeks, they were the only people I saw at the small restaurant. Then one day, their mother came out from the kitchen into the dining area. I will never forget that moment. The three beautiful sisters were sitting in the dining area, talking. Their mother walked out and began talking with them. I was shocked by what I saw.

The mother was about 60 years old. Her brown skin was wrinkled from the sun, and she was clearly no longer a young woman. But her beauty was incomparable. From the mother’s eyes shone a rare light of love, compassion and humor. Her every move was filled with an ‘otherworldy grace’. She looked at me, and her smile lit up my heart. I couldn’t believe it. As beautiful as her young daughters were, this old woman was far more beautiful.

It wasn’t her physical appearance but her disposition that so enchanted me. She was so relaxed, so loving, so happy, so wise and so radiant that I felt like bowing in honor of her feminine fullness. Her daughters were but small buds compared with the fullness of her flowering………

My heart widened at the sight of her and continued to do so every time I saw her over the next two months.’

Gain better understanding of men now. Click here to get more information about our popular program Understanding Men.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

As always, if you have any thoughts to add or feedback, please share! 🙂

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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LilaVioletritchanTerri SellayAnaLoveJenni Recent comment authors
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LilaViolet
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LilaViolet

LOL. Effective place to market.

ritchan
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There’s a lot of noise and hate here from other men, so I stopped lurking to say that as a 28 year old man who’s dating a 42 year old woman, I can say that this article is the complete and utter truth. I never knew it consciously before I came to this site, but yes, radiance was what I saw in younger women. Older women just seemed more bitter, more used up. Nothing to protect. Younger women generally have a higher chance of being sweet and feminine, and that must be protected, before they end up like those old… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
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Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

I loved David Deida’s description of that Balinese woman! Wow!

Shay
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Shay

what about Monica Bellucci?? She is in her 50’s yet most men consider her to be the most beautiful woman.

LThunder
Guest
LThunder

‘Most men’ do not consider her to be the most beautiful today. They moved on from that idea 20 years ago. She is also very rare. Most 50+ year old women don’t look anything like her.

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

Older women can delude themselves all they want. They can try shaming tactics,plead,debate or try any antic known. This is not about you(I know its hard for women to put themselves in other peoples shoes). It is about the universal fact that men PREFER younger women almost 100% of the time. Yes there might be exceptions to the rule but they are very rare. Now ,we are not saying older women are not attractive….. 30+ women are still perfectly suited for one night stands and some pump and dump. But for long term mating strategies,they are not appealing.Their beauty is… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

Because he seems to forget that as he ages & his hairline recedes at an inverse proportion to his expanding beergut his young & fertile wife will also be looking to upgrade, and will have far more options open to her than he will at his age.

If you don’t like the articles on this (primarily for women) site, your computer is equipped with a Back button for a reason.

AnaLove
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AnaLove

My finance is wealthy. I’m 30 and he chose me over the 20 year olds. Yes, I’m African American, so our skin ages the best (10 years slower than most races as studies confirm) but the fact is I am still 30 and he chose me. 🙂

Terri Sellay
Guest
Terri Sellay

Your right men prefer younger women they don’t want older women. Younger women are better.

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

YAY another TV brainwashed man that thinks beauty = femininity.

Bill Spence
Guest
Bill Spence

Most older women I’ve met since my divorce several years ago are too old and set in their ways for me. I’m sixty five and still very active and prefer a woman in her forties who is educated, attractive, and willing to do things out of their comfort zone.

Viki Samoja
Guest
Viki Samoja

I think there is somethingto it, but it has limitations, i as a 24 year old man would never go for a 50 year old woman, i have a life in front of me and she ahs only old age, i want a woman who i can share life with, not become an old man in my 30es because my wife is a grandma, so in case of older men trading their wife for someone younger, i don’t think it has anything with age, but if you are trying to pull a man twice as young as you forget it,… Read more »

Jessica Wade
Guest
Jessica Wade

I agree with Ashlee. Everyone is attracted to what they like no matter the age. True beuty is on the inside. Proverbs 31: Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. So how beautiful is anyone’s HEART.

Julie
Guest
Julie

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and I’m really confused. I know this may seem weird to some people but I am not looking for judgment because this is my situation and no one else’s is exactly the same as mine. Anyways, I’m 19 years old, and the person I’m seeing is in his very early 30’s. He’s an amazing guy and I care deeply for him even though our relationship is casual (in other words, doesn’t have a label on it). We work well together, but sometimes I feel like my youthfulness is almost…annoying? to… Read more »

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

U are perfectly normal, guys at that age are a lot calmer and mature but he is DATING you isnt he? You see the thing is Julie, your boyfriend knows that you will mature with time so this should not bother you. Guys at that are screening for marriage potential. Stick with him and dont end up like the sad 30 year olds who wasted their peak years chasing after careers and bad boys.

Jenni
Guest
Jenni

u r a dick

AnaLove
Guest
AnaLove

Don’t settle for a guy in your 30s when you’re only in your 20s. This man is used up and has had more partners than one can imagine. Not to mention his rapidly fading looks if he’s of a lighter tone.

Ruth
Guest
Ruth

If a man treats you as if he loves you, but looks at other women online or in street, does it mean he is bored of you? I thought if men were in love they would have eyes for no one else. Is this unrealistic or true?

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

Unrealistic. Men are visual creatures and EVERYMAN likes to look at other women. This does not mean he will cheat on you its just part of his masculity.

pro-extender system
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will be checking back soon. Please visit my website too and let me know your opinion.

Andre
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Andre

That’s a lot of nonsense. Women are sexually attractive when they are physically young. It doesn’t matter if they are grumpy, obnoxious, despicable human beings. Youth is physical in nature, it’s not a personality trait. The essence of femininity IS youth. That is why women are shorter, have less body hair, have smoother skin, have a higher pitched voice, have more tear ducts, etc, etc, etc. And that is also why what is attractive in men is usually the exact opposite. Every single “feminine” trait is actually about youth and every “masculine” trait is about maturity/adulthood. That is why there… Read more »

LilaViolet
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LilaViolet

Some men do prefer older women. I’ve come across quite some – I like it. As a woman aged 38 its fun when 25 year olds will still consider you. But I think you have a brainwashed view of femininity like so many people have nowadays. Somehow its always the same idea as the media spread…. Femininity is all the road. You may enjoy just a part of it, but from birth to death women actually have a purpose in evolution. Relationships actually are supposed to be committed and lasting because its the best tactic in raising offspring. Western culture… Read more »

Sunny
Guest
Sunny

I really don’t think that it’s fair to the grumpy, older, married women for their children to take the side of their father without taking into account what their mother says. Isn’t it true that she once was the feminine adoring young girl he fell for? What happened? She had to take over more responsibility in the marriage than the women who stayed cheerful and feminine. Try doing your own car maintenance, lawn care, home repair inside and out, a full or part-time job, laundry, grocery shopping, meal planning and preparation, child rearing and all it entails; you’ve got one… Read more »

Anais
Guest
Anais

I agree youthfulness is more about your spirit than your age. I mean, I’m 30 but I still get mistaken for as young as 17. I feel I look younger than my age, not just because of other people’s opinions. But I think it’s not just my appearance. I also have a very youthful mindset. I don’t only relinquish in the “responsibilities” of adulthood and value having fun, as well as adventure a lot outside work. So I still attract a lot of younger men.

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

You are deluding yourself. You are old. No man with choice would choose you over a 22 year old as a wife potential. You are very well suited for short term flings though

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

30 is not “old”. Smarten up.

I was still getting carded at the liquor store at 33.

Pablo Escobar
Guest
Pablo Escobar

Doesn’t change that your actual age is 33. We are not discussing how old you look, we are discussing actual age.

ariane22
Guest
ariane22

22 year old would not go for you, you sound well over 30.. at that age I would not touch anyone over 26..

Pablo Escobar
Guest
Pablo Escobar

lol 20 year olds go for me all the time. You want to know why. Most women are whores for a guy who can give them security.

AnaLove
Guest
AnaLove

30 year olds are still hot! Go on ANY dating site from men seeking serious marriage mates to those seeking long term companions. The average dating preference for a man between 30-44 is a woman between 25-39.

Pablo Escobar
Guest
Pablo Escobar

I agree that women in their 30’s can still be attractive or hot as you put it. Sure they will get offers for sex but not commitment. Its not delusion its fact. Men want 20 year olds for marriage. Men use dating sites for easy sex. They will say all the right things but it only a small fraction of that attention will lead to marriage.

AnaLove
Guest
AnaLove

I have to disagree with that based on evidence that I have seen. Men on serious dating sites that are of age specify for women in their 30s all the time. And in their description they state they are looking for something long term. I have attended numerous weddings where the brides were in their 30s and if you look around women over 30 get married all the time and some are even waiting later. It’s a norm. So it just really comes down to what the guy is looking for. It must also be considered that serious-minded women that… Read more »

Pablo Escobar
Guest
Pablo Escobar

Your point of view or evidence is anecdotal.

AnaLove
Guest
AnaLove

That most women do not prefer older men and statistically partner with peers no more than 5 years her senior?

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

its not just ‘desperation’ that makes women ‘settle’ for an older man. Some women actually prefer them. Also some women dont care much about older/younger, like me. I do think its cute when the guy is younger. But do you really think I’d let that same match run when hes 10 or 20 years older if hes a good match? While i usually seek men between some 10 years younger to some 10 years older, because they are more likely to loveme back, in practice I had a crush on an 18 year old when 37, and think that same… Read more »

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

More assumptions assumptions. I bet you think the whole world thinks exactly like you.

Terri Sellay
Guest
Terri Sellay

Men prefer younger that is a fact

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

You are the one whos delusive. Some men do get a kick out of older. And some men will pick the older woman simply if shes the better match. I’d say men into younger are more common. But to say no manwill pick the older one. Just because you are a sensor doesnt means every man is. Primitive creature lol.

Sofia
Guest
Sofia

OMG, you are right! I have an aunt whos husband always is telling her that she is ”old” and that he is gonna leave her for someone younger. Of course, this hurt my aunt so deeply but she doesnt does anything for her to change, maybe bcos she doesnt know how to and even if I tell her, she would treat me like crazy. He is always has cheated on her (I know is not a good thing, but I know he is looking for what he cannot have from her), but now I know why he is this way… Read more »

Holly
Guest
Holly

Aww Renee :”-), that story by the man named David was soooooooo beautiful!! Thankyou for sharing all your beautiful insight with the world,that’s what makes you beautiful just to say the least. It’s so true! That if a person takes care of themselve propolaly then they can age well. Look at Carol Vordamen, she also looks amazing for her age and I’ve put her on my law of attraction board as she’s my insperation, she’s a Capricorn sun sign just like myself. Weather astrology is ture or not, it’s something I like to hold onto for the positive aspects. Capricorn… Read more »

Stacy
Guest
Stacy

Renee, this is amazing! I have been reading your articles for a year and you have just become so insightful! All the comments below that disagree are talking about “getting something from someone” and I never thought about it like that. It IS easier to live in fear! So easy to live shut off, guarded and believe we are only worth how we look and some men are supportig this without realizing. Many woman are too. I felt the most beautiful, the most young and the most free when I was not scared. When I loved to love not to… Read more »

Stacy
Guest
Stacy

Hahaha nice faces here 🙂

james
Guest
james

The only way an older woman is beautiful is if she aged in my arms and we grew old together.

Stacy
Guest
Stacy

That’s your perception.. maybe because you are young. When you get older you could find a woman with vibrance, energy and a love for life VERY attractive 🙂

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

No its his reality and what he prefers

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

I think when youre still fairly young its hard to predict what youll feel like when you’re older.

ariane22
Guest
ariane22

same with men, who wants their dad… I want the same age, but they go for 10y younger. men should think a little of hypocrisy

lilbee
Guest
lilbee

Ok…here it is…men are visual…of course they prefer younger women. Until the universe stops expanding or clinique finds a way to turn back the hands of time,it will remain the same. I was actually with a man 10 years my junior. I was extremely interested in an active sex life and he would deny me sex on a regular basis. It was so obvious he did not enjoy sex with me..not even fellatio!! I was 39 when I met him..he was 29. He put me through hell throwing me lousy bones once in a while. He had a serious erection… Read more »

james
Guest
james

It is kind of hard to get it up if the woman isn’t visually appealing. You said most of the young men you were with had a hard time getting up……..what is the common denominator? You are; so that leads me to believe you probably aren’t too easy on the eyes. If it was one guy, you might have a point, but that isn’t what you said.

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

Uber-sensor

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

Most younger men have the strongest erections. Heres an interesting thought,maybe his limpness might be because he doesnt really find u attractive, i mean u are a dinasour after all,he should be doing 19 year olds. Sorry lady.

LilaViolet
Guest
LilaViolet

Men are more than just a set of eyes you know. Or at least those called ‘inituitives’ in MBTI are. Sensors ARE kind of primitive. Low IQ men.. mehhhh…

madamebeaute'
Guest
madamebeaute'

i am a woman of 60.,,,,,
the guys that ask me out are several ‘centuries’ younger than me ..lol
i would just like a man around my own age..
no offense youngins’ but ya’ll bore the hell outta me !
i could nevah do online ’cause i believe in destiny blah blah …

my final observation is that young guys like older women & old guys like young chicks …
if you are between 55 & 70 call me ! lol

Pmzizi
Guest
Pmzizi

U are delusional

ariane22
Guest
ariane22

no less than you though, with your 22 obsession at your whatever feeling entitled age. i would first make sure I can make it work with my own age, because you seem to be a bad news by the way you glorify mens old age abilities of getting on with 22y old..

Pablo Escobar
Guest
Pablo Escobar

I dont want to make it work with grannies in their 30’s. I want the fresh 20 year old’s like everyone else.Why do you think the latest Playboy models are between ages 18-25. Why do you think actresses struggle after 30 in Hollywood??? Men want to see YOUNG WOMEN hahahaah

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