Article updated 2018
I’d like to refer you to this video in which Bernard Chapin (a devout anti-feminist) talks about women, age, what men like, and this article titled: Cougars and MILF’s Rule! 40 Year old Women are WAY Hotter Than 20 Year Olds!
I will say that I am a fan of Bernard’s. He is very entertaining on camera (hilarious in fact), and he does have passion and a strong presence of which I respect and like. However, in this video he says (among other things):
“What men desire more than anything in women is youth; that’s just the way that it is. Youth correlates with fertility. Men are devoted to women for the purposes of reproduction”.
This doesn’t send the nicest message to women around the world. What woman wants to think that when she reaches a certain age, that her man is going to want someone younger than her? Or that she’s no longer as valuable as a younger woman? What happens then, to the notion of love and attraction? (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
This is like saying: “Women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money”. And though we know this is true for some women, for many women this is simply untrue. What about women saying that they only like tall men? What then, is to become of shorter men? Should they expect a lower quality of life because they are shorter than their male counterparts? The short answer is no.
Manliness has nothing to do with height. I’ve seen very short men who were so manly and attractive that I didn’t even consider their height to be an issue.
I would like to say however, that Bernard’s statement does have value, and it does have truth to it. For example, if a man is incompetent/unintelligent/cannot provide for a woman at all, he may not be as attractive to most females as other men who have more resources. But my point is that women wouldn’t necessarily be devoted to men solely for their ability to provide/their money. If they were, they would take up any so-called ‘better opportunity’ that comes along even if they were taken. (read my article about is it wise to pick a man who love you more than you love him?)
I believe women are devoted to a man who is in his essence, a man. In other words, if he represents strength, has passion, is confident and driven; that’s attractive to a woman. There are exceptions though. A less driven man will, conversely, attract a woman who is more driven than him, because it makes up for his lack of direction. We attract what we deserve, and we attract a partner based on the energy we put out.
A sexually ‘neutral’ person (although they are rare), will not be so big on the masculine/feminine dichotomy however, and will be happy in a relationship where the roles are interchanged regularly. Most of us (80% of us) are either more masculine at our core, or more feminine, and therefore prefer (as well as attract) someone whose sexual essence is more opposite to ours.
Both Bernard’s statement above, and my example statement that ‘women are devoted to men for the purposes of resources/money’ indicate ONE thing. That in each respective scenario, the man/woman wants a partner of the opposite sex for what they can GET from them. This is what most people are like. They go in to a relationship thinking about what they can get from the other person. They want someone who makes them feel good. This is not the way to run a relationship!
And, though I do believe men want a woman who has great reproductive value, who is attractive, radiant and gorgeous, that’s not all there is to it.
I wanted to address this issue, because progressively over the years, I’ve heard women around me bemoan their age, and feel upset that they are ‘past their use-by date’, and they fear that their husband will leave them for a younger woman. And this is a terrible feeling for all women. We want to be loved! We don’t want to be traded in for a more ‘up-to-date’ model!
It’s true that there are women in their 50s who are being left by their husband – sometimes for a younger woman. But it really has nothing to do with your age.
(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)
What is Youth
‘Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Anthony Robbins
Youth is energy. Youth is vitality. Youth is radiance.
Youth – is not dependent upon age. Youth is how a woman acts. Youth is a state of mind. Youth is founded upon your beliefs and values. There are a lot of 18 year-olds who look and act like they are about 40. Conversely, there are a lot of beautiful older women who look and act like they are 16.
Take Goldie Hawn for example. I’ve not seen a woman 60+ with more radiance in a while. She just oozes sex appeal, femininity and sensuality. I remember I was at a seminar run by Anthony Robbins back in 2007 with 5,000 other people, and he asked for a show of hands from the men who thought that Goldie Hawn was more attractive than her daughter, Kate Hudson. There was a significant number of men who raised their hands. No, I’m not kidding.
I won’t deny that there are men out there who want a younger woman. There are many men out there who want a woman for what she can do for him. Give him sex, better social status, make him look good, make him look like the ‘alpha male’, etc. But needless to say, there are plenty of men out there who are not looking for this specifically.
Some men will say they find younger women more attractive than an older woman and then talk about how attractive Halle Berry or Catherine Zeta-Jones are. Most women will talk about how these women have all had plastic surgery. But if you don’t believe a woman can look youthful and gorgeous 60 or even 70+ without surgery, please check out Mimi Kirk (if you haven’t seen or heard of her, please take a look, she is incredible)! (read my article about how to achieve youthfulness and radiance)
What do Men Want?
So, what is it exactly that men want? Is a woman unattractive past a certain age? Maybe to a certain type of man. But here’s the truth: ATTRACTION has little to do with age. Attraction has to do with polarity. Polarity meaning the masculine/feminine dichotomy that creates a spark in your relationship. Why else would there be so many younger men dating older women?
Polarity creates passion, excitement, that feeling of being in love, and ecstacy!
Attraction can be triggered regardless of age, and even despite a perceived ‘lack’ of other important factors. That is one of the reasons why you see good-looking men with women whom you may find very ‘unattractive’ or not pretty. (read my article about how to make a man want you)
Femininity knows no age. Men love femininity. Men love women full stop. Femininity attracts masculinity. As long as a woman remains feminine, she won’t have a problem. Why is femininity important?
Well, no woman can truly rely solely on her looks. A lot of men may go for a younger woman because younger women tend to be more innocent, youthful, carefree, ‘un-burdened’ by life’s responsibilities, un-burnt (not bitter from past relationships and past experiences) and of course, it seems to be generally true that before a woman has children and other huge life responsibilities, she is a lot more free.
Younger women tend to also keep their hair long, are sometimes more fun to be around, look up to an older man more, admire an older man more, and be attracted to his masculinity. A lot of older women let themselves lose their zest for life, become boring and ‘serious’, and lose their youthfulness and radiance. Youth doesn’t have to be lost. Looks may be lost, but youth is forever. And, if a woman really, truly keeps herself in shape, eats well, stays happy and exercises, she needn’t have wrinkles even past her 70s!
What men really want is to make their woman happy. Women often seem to, progressively over the years develop a chip on their shoulder and lose their femininity. They lose their precious sense of freedom, radiance, liveliness, innocence, trustfulness and sensitivity.
A man wants to be trusted and looked up to. Just because a woman is older and has more so-called ‘experience’ doesn’t mean she cannot still be feminine, be innocent, look up to her man, let him lead her sometimes (I’m not talking about being docile) and act and feel young.
For many men, as they get older, they want to feel young again. They want to feel like they are still as strong, able, ‘invincible’, and important as they were in their youth. Often, this is why they go for a younger woman. Because they feel a younger woman can make them feel younger and more youthful and bring them more happiness and excitement. And we all know that a lot of the times, older men are being replaced in their job by a younger man, which is difficult for a man.
Many older women also lose interest in sex. I’ve discussed this before in the article 5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Deprive Their Man of Sex’. A younger woman is sometimes more interested in sex, more willing to make time for it. and more likely to make a man feel like he is still attractive and still ‘has it’. Basically, a man wants a woman who makes him feel like a man! That’s it!
Whilst a 60 year old woman may not look like she did at 20, 30 or 40; femininity is forever. And the greatest thing is that older women often have incredible grace, wisdom and confidence. How beautiful!
As I see it, the reason a man would go for a younger woman is exactly the same reason a man may want to go for an older woman; he’s looking for a feeling.
All men are different. Some men may feel that they can get that feeling from a younger woman. Some may feel that they can get it from an older woman. But ultimately it has nothing to do with age. Both women and men are mistaken in thinking that it is solely to do with age.
In the words of a man….
To close this article, I want to leave you with this passage, written by David Deida, the American author, independent researcher, and teacher (yes, written by a man) which is just so beautiful:
‘For several months, I lived on the Indonesian island of Bali. While I was there, I established a friendship with a Balinese family who owned and operated a little restaurant with three bamboos tables, and where I frequently ate. The family consisted of three sisters and their mother. The three sisters, all in their early 20s, were extraordinarily beautiful. Any one of them could have been a magazine cover girl. Two of the sisters were, in fact, professional models. Their bodies, their faces, their hair – everything about their appearance was captivating. I could hardly eat, their beauty was so enchanting.
For the first few weeks, they were the only people I saw at the small restaurant. Then one day, their mother came out from the kitchen into the dining area. I will never forget that moment. The three beautiful sisters were sitting in the dining area, talking. Their mother walked out and began talking with them. I was shocked by what I saw.
The mother was about 60 years old. Her brown skin was wrinkled from the sun, and she was clearly no longer a young woman. But her beauty was incomparable. From the mother’s eyes shone a rare light of love, compassion and humor. Her every move was filled with an ‘otherworldy grace’. She looked at me, and her smile lit up my heart. I couldn’t believe it. As beautiful as her young daughters were, this old woman was far more beautiful.
It wasn’t her physical appearance but her disposition that so enchanted me. She was so relaxed, so loving, so happy, so wise and so radiant that I felt like bowing in honor of her feminine fullness. Her daughters were but small buds compared with the fullness of her flowering………
My heart widened at the sight of her and continued to do so every time I saw her over the next two months.’
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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