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Article updated 2018
You’re a woman; so you know what I’m talking about. There are few things that can be as defeating as the feeling that another woman is better than you. Specifically: more radiant, prettier, taller, a better catch, a better lover, sexier, or having higher status. It’s easy for most women to succumb to the feeling of jealousy.
First, I want to tell you that it’s OK that you have that feeling. It’s not evil, or wrong. I’d have to search far and wide to find a woman who (if she was totally honest with herself) hasn’t ever felt sad or upset over the thought or perception that another woman is (or might possibly) be better than she is. If ever. I am no exception.
Here’s why: No woman who is feminine at her core is truly happy unless she is giving her feminine gift to the world. We all, man or woman, want to give our feminine or masculine gifts, and if we ever feel as though we cannot do this, it dampens our spirits, defeats us and it can be crippling.
One of the best gifts of femininity is radiance. Radiance encompasses integrity, beauty, compassion, personal happiness, charm, sexiness, honesty….etc etc. True radiance is not something many women currently have, as this modern society causes many women to lose their natural radiance through work, pressure to chase masculine hobbies or ambitions, being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities, being fed with b******t from trashy magazines, television or radio, and on and on.
The overwhelming feeling among many women is that they are not enough, and it’s just not possible to be truly radiant when you feel this way. It’s a big encumbrance. When you feel like you are not enough, it’s easy, and very possible, for you to start feeling upset or defeated over your perception that another woman has everything you don’t, at every little external trigger. Then you become a walking gaping sore. The slightest trigger and you succumb to the feeling of low self worth. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?)
Living life this way is pretty crap, no?
Most women deal with the feeling that they are not enough by acting pitiful, controlling their man, acting and feeling inferior (almost as if their existence is not meant to be), expecting to (and letting people) treat them badly, bitching about (or actively trying to destroy) other women who are a ‘threat’, making the people around them suffer by doing depression, getting bigger boobs, shoes with a bigger price tag, blonder or faker hair, bigger and more plastic lips… and on and on.
While you think your competition is that woman over there; your real competition is actually just hopelessness – unempowered, sitting on the couch, feeling undeserving, and thinking that she has no control or power over the situation.
Your competition really is not Jan, or Hannah, or Sarah, or Miss stuck-up. It’s hopelessness. It’s passiveness. It’s mediocrity.
Stop comparing yourself to every other woman whom you may think is prettier, higher status, smarter, or who has a better body, and start comparing yourself to nothing. Are you really worth the lie? The hassle? But it’s a good way to get connection with yourself, and to feel sorry for yourself.
The secret to beating female ‘competition’ is knowing that the competition is not them; it’s hopelessness. This is why it’s important you have high standards.
Most people try to feel certain and avoid disappointment by feeling as though they could never ‘compare’. Rather the devil you know than the devil you don’t know, as the saying goes. By feeling as though a good life, a good boyfriend, a good family, is beyond them. Want an exercise in futility? Think this way. You could never ever feel empowered by doing this. You could never ever feel great about yourself.
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What is life but feelings?
You are playing a game you cannot win. To ‘compare’ yourself to Miss A or B is to drive yourself to a dead end. There’s no way you can ever win. Ever. It’s just an illusion. So, know that no matter how great you are, there’s always going to be someone prettier, hotter, taller, younger, older, smarter, having a better career, or having higher status.
As you read this sentence, another 2 dozen babies are born into this world, younger than you. You can’t ever ‘compare’.
And for those of you (which is all of us) who have ever compared yourself to someone whom you considered to be ‘lower’ than you, uglier than you, fatter than you, less intelligent than you – know that the high you get from this is ephemeral.
The key is to focus on what you can do, and what you can control. You can always contribute more, give more, love more, live more and be more. And that makes you ultimately worthy.
Work daily to become better than you were yesterday.
What do you think about this post? Do you think women are too competitive? Have you had any bad experiences with competitive women you can tell us about? Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other women?
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