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Article updated 2018

You’re a woman; so you know what I’m talking about. There are few things that can be as defeating as the feeling that another woman is better than you. Specifically: more radiant, prettier, taller, a better catch, a better lover, sexier, or having higher status. It’s easy for most women to succumb to the feeling of jealousy.

First, I want to tell you that it’s OK that you have that feeling. It’s not evil, or wrong. I’d have to search far and wide to find a woman who (if she was totally honest with herself) hasn’t ever felt sad or upset over the thought or perception that another woman is (or might possibly) be better than she is. If ever. I am no exception.

(Click here to download the “Goddess Report”)

Here’s why: No woman who is feminine at her core is truly happy unless she is giving her feminine gift to the world. We all, man or woman, want to give our feminine or masculine gifts, and if we ever feel as though we cannot do this, it dampens our spirits, defeats us and it can be crippling.

One of the best gifts of femininity is radiance. Radiance encompasses integrity, beauty, compassion, personal happiness, charm, sexiness, honesty….etc etc. True radiance is not something many women currently have, as this modern society causes many women to lose their natural radiance through work, pressure to chase masculine hobbies or ambitions, being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities, being fed with b******t from trashy magazines, television or radio, and on and on.

The overwhelming feeling among many women is that they are not enough, and it’s just not possible to be truly radiant when you feel this way. It’s a big encumbrance. When you feel like you are not enough, it’s easy, and very possible, for you to start feeling upset or defeated over your perception that another woman has everything you don’t, at every little external trigger. Then you become a walking gaping sore. The slightest trigger and you succumb to the feeling of low self worth. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?)

Living life this way is pretty crap, no?

Most women deal with the feeling that they are not enough by acting pitiful, controlling their man, acting and feeling inferior (almost as if their existence is not meant to be), expecting to (and letting people) treat them badly, bitching about (or actively trying to destroy) other women who are a ‘threat’, making the people around them suffer by doing depression, getting bigger boobs, shoes with a bigger price tag, blonder or faker hair, bigger and more plastic lips… and on and on.

While you think your competition is that woman over there; your real competition is actually just hopelessness – unempowered, sitting on the couch, feeling undeserving, and thinking that she has no control or power over the situation.

Your competition really is not Jan, or Hannah, or Sarah, or Miss stuck-up. It’s hopelessness. It’s passiveness. It’s mediocrity.

Stop comparing yourself to every other woman whom you may think is prettier, higher status, smarter, or who has a better body, and start comparing yourself to nothing. Are you really worth the lie? The hassle?  But it’s a good way to get connection with yourself, and to feel sorry for yourself.

The secret to beating female ‘competition’ is knowing that the competition is not them; it’s hopelessness. This is why it’s important you have high standards.

Most people try to feel certain and avoid disappointment by feeling as though they could never ‘compare’. Rather the devil you know than the devil you don’t know, as the saying goes. By feeling as though a good life, a good boyfriend, a good family, is beyond them. Want an exercise in futility? Think this way. You could never ever feel empowered by doing this. You could never ever feel great about yourself.

There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…

What is life but feelings?

You are playing a game you cannot win. To ‘compare’ yourself to Miss A or B is to drive yourself to a dead end. There’s no way you can ever win. Ever. It’s just an illusion. So, know that no matter how great you are, there’s always going to be someone prettier, hotter, taller, younger, older, smarter, having a better career, or having higher status.

As you read this sentence, another 2 dozen babies are born into this world, younger than you. You can’t ever ‘compare’.

And for those of you (which is all of us) who have ever compared yourself to someone whom you considered to be ‘lower’ than you, uglier than you, fatter than you, less intelligent than you – know that the high you get from this is ephemeral.

The key is to focus on what you can do, and what you can control. You can always contribute more, give more, love more, live more and be more. And that makes you ultimately worthy.

Work daily to become better than you were yesterday.

Speaking of working to become the better you, click here to visit the list of our programs.

What do you think about this post? Do you think women are too competitive? Have you had any bad experiences with competitive women you can tell us about? Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other women?

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

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Matryoshkadollie
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Matryoshkadollie

You claim your website is about being feminine, but when you use so much profanity, one has to wonder. A true lady doesn’t swear.

Kim
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Kim

This is a great piece, and I agree with the core points. When a female, or male for that matter, actually likes and truly supports women, it shines in who they are. They won’t compete. They will welcome you into their world with no passive aggressive behavior, and will truly support you. Unfortunately it does seem to be a rarity. One thing I would like you and others to reconsider is the bit you wrote about “masculine hobbies.” While I am not completely clear on what you mean here, my guess is you are speaking of stereotypical guy activities… Possibly… Read more »

Amanda Reta
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Amanda Reta

Great Post Renee! Wise words. You are absolutely correct. It is comparison that defeats us. It is the unwillingness to take chances and rise up to be our best selves. I often found myself comparing constantly, up down up down… because I honestly had nothing better to do! I wasn’t working towards the things I wanted because I was both scared and refused to take responsibility for myself and my future. I love what you say about radiance. Radiance is what I am seeking, and I want to inspire others to find the same within themselves. There is nothing more… Read more »

Kim
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Kim

I had always lived with the feeling that God would bring good things my way, I just had to be patient. Those good things came flooding in in my 30s, so the patience paid off. Comparison/Jealousy has not been one of my weak points. I wasn’t the prettiest out of my group of friends, and didn’t get the attention they did, but it didn’t bother me, I just KNEW God would bless me some day. I guess you could say my faith was rewarded.

biker55555 .
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biker55555 .

You have perfectly described the actions and feelings of my xwife. She, unfortunately, could not overcome the constant comparison, living a lie. I tried hard but have failed to make her see the light. She is otherwise a great woman and I still love her.

Amanda Eve Sloane
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Amanda Eve Sloane

Renee, I’ve only been reading your blog for a week, but I feel like it’s changed my life already! Thank you, thank you, so much for all that you do. You put so much thought and care into your writing, and so much work! It’s an inspiration to me and has helped me with so many of my own issues already. It seems like no matter what angle of relationships and confidence I have struggled with, you’ve already written something brilliant about it! I have been struggling with jealousy/comparison issues for years now, always with the feeling that I’m ‘not… Read more »

Anna
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Anna

Very deep questions underneath your article that you ask. I ABSOLUTELY think most women are competitive. Overly competitive. And it’s usually because they are scared of losing a man. It’s hard for me to admit this, but I’ve always (almost always, until now, but I had to work on it) had this deep seated fear that women have the capacity to steal my man. That’s why, deep down, I was always scared to develop close friendships with women. The only people I ever truly opened up to were men. Except one woman. And when I thought about why that was… Read more »

Diana
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Diana

One of my favourite quotes that might be appropriate here is “…comparison is the thief of joy.” (T. Roosevelt), something that is very true for me!
Thanks for the article, Renee, I enjoyed it. 🙂
I’ll make sure I bear these points in mind whenever I feel inadequate.

0_o
Guest
0_o

Great post! I just have low tolerance of women who make up competitions in their head and try to start trouble.

bonnie
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bonnie

when i was younger, i hated it when my mum would compare me to my friends and she would say they were better because bla bla bla… and as a result, i often compare myself to other people to this day. i hate it!! >< To all mothers out there: please don't compare your child to anyone!

on a happier note, i loved this post and feel like i am on the path to a better life<3

Felicity
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Felicity

Great article. Wonder if it is our generation that these issues got worse? I think women’s lib and career changes because I do not remember my mother’s generation exposed to it to this extent. I feel for today’s young girls growing up with facebook and all the picture-posting it is hard not to compare. How can we ensure that young women growing up do not even get more ruthless in their climb to the top of the pile? Beauty, fashion, college, who marries better, gets the nicest house, more toys, prettier babies. I am thanking my lucky stars that in… Read more »

Gaily
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Gaily

Luv this post! <3
Women shouldn't compare themselves to other women, for nobody is better than anyone. Every woman is unique!

Thanks for this post Renee! 🙂

Chocolateeyes
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Chocolateeyes

Love this post, thank you so much!

Lisa
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Lisa

Renee,

Thank you so much for sharing this post and for getting to the root cause – hopelessness. Must admit, I didn’t see that coming. : )

The constant comparisons between females turns into a game of one upmanship or trying to keep up or look better than the Joneses. What we sometimes don’t realize is they are also insecure and it becomes a vicious (and exhaustive) cycle.

Thank you again for helping to keep us focused and to the commenter for sharing.

Jen
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Jen

I just want to say I think your blog is very up building and honest. Too many women today are so wrapped up in trying to look better than others, when really they need to work on being the best they can personally be. Each one of us has different qualities, strengths, and weaknesses. There is no possible logical way any of us can be better than another women, due to these different strengths and weaknesses. We all have distinct qualities that make each one of us beautiful. Trying to be more beautiful than another woman on the surface is… Read more »

Connie
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Connie

I think every woman does this. It is so frustrating to me. It has taken me until the age of 50 to stop it. FOr my 50th birthday I got a nice big box of “I am just fine thank you!”

There will always be a prettier, smarter, thinner, richer woman somewhere. As my dear, feminine Edwardian Grandmother used to say. “True Beauty is NOT what we see reflected in the mirror. True beauty is when others see Christ reflected in us.”

oli
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oli

Amen to what your Grandmother said. Wise lady!

VolleyGirl
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VolleyGirl

Hi Renee, what I love about this article is that it reminds me of the currently book I’m reading. It’s called “the art of happiness” is written by an american psychiatrist,( sorry can’t remember his name right now) and it has Dalai Lama’s insights on how human beings can achieve happiness. One of the things he mentions on the book relates with this topic. Sometimes ourselves create our own mental misery/unhappiness. If you notice the media has conditioned us to compare ourselves to other people. Who is prettier, better good-looking,richer and so on. And by comparing ourselves with people that… Read more »

Lady
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Lady

I once met a great guy and his higher status colleague went and physically stood between us right in front of me. I left with my tail between my legs. I wish I’d stayed and talked with him.

Renee
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Renee

@ Oli: You are adorable 😉 and I love your tips. Thanks for sharing them with us. @ Stefanie: Thanks beautiful. I’m glad you’ve shared your experience here, and I like what your boyfriend has said to you as well. 🙂 By the way, contribution born out of insecurity is not contribution. Giving so much that you have little left over is not empowering. @ S: oh those first couple of weeks when you begin college/university…..I remember it well. I know many of us do compare ourselves to other women, but the point to remember is that you do have… Read more »

JP
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JP

This is great. Women need to hear this more often! It is so easy to compare yourself to other women and think you’re not as good or worthy. We should admire other women for their good quailities, not begrudge them those qualities… and feel worse about ourselves. We should feel inspired instead of threatened. So hard to do though!

I would like to hear more on this topic 🙂

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