A Warning about Girlfriends who Don’t Compliment You

A Warning about Girlfriends who Doesn't Compliment you

Do You Have Girlfriends who Don’t Compliment You? Here’s why that can be a Problem…

Choosing great girlfriends is just as important as choosing a great man. One affects the other. You become who you spend your time with.

How do you feel when you get dressed up all nicely for a night out with your girlfriends and one of your close girlfriends totally ignores it and doesn’t compliment you? And not only that night, but every single night for years prior to this – she just never compliments you. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”) How do you feel?

Let’s be honest here. I’m not talking about being self obsessed – this is not about fishing for compliments because you want to take from others, or getting angry because no one is giving you the attention you think you want. This is about your friendship with that particular friend.

Sharing Feminine Energy

See, one aspect of feminine energy is that it’s about sharing energy. That’s why we women can talk for hours, it’s a sharing of energy! We don’t need to solve a problem, we just need to talk! And, that’s natural for the feminine women of the world. Compliments are the same. It’s a way of sharing energy.

And more importantly – complimenting and praising each other as women is important because genuine praise is a gift you generously give to another woman that is worth far more than the effort it takes to give it.

Only, when a friend never compliments you – maybe she only compliments certain women whom she thinks are better than her, or women whom she secretly thinks are not a threat, or only women with black hair – whatever. The sharing of compliments should be universal for women. But often, it’s not.

A woman who doesn’t Compliment is not Genuine

I’ve thought about this. Personally, I can’t stand not complimenting other women or supporting them through praise; women who are kind and are beautiful; I feel it’s stifling not to compliment, and it’s ingenuine! (unless they’re not kind and beautiful of course; because they have an ugly nature and want to hurt others, and then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them anyway).

Not complimenting is ingenuine because it’s just that: ingenuine! If we were honest for a moment – we can ALL see and acknowledge radiance, happiness, beauty, and just an all-round great woman.

You can’t Trust a Woman who Doesn’t Compliment…

See, what I’ve worked out in myself, is that I can’t fully trust a girlfriend who doesn’t give other women, or give me compliments. I also cannot trust a girlfriend who only compliments on achievements (like career, job, money) and not things to do with my radiance. (Click here to complete the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Feminine radiance that is genuine is really a gift – and it should always, always be celebrated and complimented.

Compliments on Achievements are a Different thing…

Achievements, though they are wonderful, are a masculine thing – when a woman congratulates you on that, usually, it’s a sign of respect. That’s a sharing of masculine energy and it doesn’t serve female friendships as much as complimenting. It doesn’t bring two women closer and it doesn’t create a bond where there is trust NEARLY as much as genuine compliments do. Would you agree?

Here is why the woman who doesn’t compliment is untrustworthy: because she is already feeling extremely insecure. That’s why she is not complimenting. You can’t trust a woman who perpetually lives in and operates from her insecurities. Firstly, it’s a selfish thing to do to live in your insecurities.

I say that because I did it for a long time myself, and watched as people got more and more annoyed with me, and sadly, witnessed myself becoming a taker and a leech on people’s time and attention, rather than being a giver. It sucks to enjoy your own problems too much.

And secondly; the woman who doesn’t compliment has no resources to enjoy other people’s radiance and feminine energy anyway!

See, what leads to an inability to compliment other women is a lack of resources within a woman herself. ie: she doesn’t feel pretty herself, she is bitter because she always felt second to other women, she felt oppressed and deeply hurt by other women growing up, or her parents just never complimented her and rather, put her down, so she is uncomfortable with compliments altogether.

What to do when Girlfriends Just Don’t Compliment…

Here’s what I suggest if you have acquaintances or friends who don’t compliment:

1) I suggest that when the time is right; complimenting all of them genuinely.

A lot of women at first DO secretly think nicely of a woman, but their mind quickly searches for FLAWS! Don’t allow yourself to be this kind of woman; in other words, a fraud. Be the real you.

By the way –

Of course, don’t compliment for the sake of it. You want to naturally allow yourself to COMPLIMENT rather than WITHHOLD. (read my article on Mediocre Women)

Not withholding is more important than digging for a random thing to compliment on

What I learned humbly through my own experience is that getting along with other women is a skill. We too often say “oh women are jealous, I get along better with men!” True, women are the worst to other attractive women.

But that’s no reason to settle for a lonely life without feminine energy around you to light you up!

Surprisingly, you’ll be shocked how much other great, feminine women can do for you and your love life. The more feminine girlfriends you have, the more support you have, and the more your well of emptiness fills up and you don’t have to grab at a man to try to get HIM to be in the role of a girlfriend for you. Which he’ll hate anyway, unless he’s more feminine. Or the new age type guy.

2) Compliment and give yourself acknowledgement, so that your own radiance can shine. One thing’s for sure. You need your own acknowledgement more than you need anyone else’s!

Here’s what I am training my own self to do:

Whenever I feel myself worrying about something I did, or something that happened, I consciously give myself a compliment for what I’ve already done.

If you feel you made a mistake at work somehow, then acknowledge yourself for making progress in the past anyway. Everyone else is stuffing up as much as you are, believe me!

If you feel you wore the wrong skirt today; remember there’s always tomorrow to wear something more appropriate and acknowledge and compliment yourself for noticing that wearing that skirt wasn’t the best choice.

When you can acknowledge yourself, you can acknowledge others, and create friendships and bonds that you deserve. And more importantly, NEED in your life.

One small aside: Don’t get too upset with women who don’t compliment you. More often than not, this is also a woman who cannot RECEIVE compliments from you about herself. And she will refuse to believe you, and might even hate the person who compliments.

Women like this I can almost guarantee you; they are suffering.   A woman who cannot compliment, or always looks for ways to bring another woman down is quietly suffering. Probably more than you think.

The question is: Do you want to be the woman who criticizes this type of woman? Or would you rather be compassionate? The latter does a lot more for your attractiveness and radiance. It’s your choice.

Forming Bonds with Other Women is more Important than You Think…

Always remember: choose your friends carefully. In this masculine charged world that many of us live in, it’s more and more important to form bonds with other women and to share feminine energy; just TRY with the women who don’t compliment.

Look to acknowledge her, and compliment her. If she still chooses to lag behind and feel bad for herself, then you’ll be far better off being a good friend to another woman who is feminine and who lights you up – and whom you can light up in return. (Click here to get my eBook on 17 Attraction Triggers)

Just don’t fall for the myth that achievements are what life is about. It’s not! Nobody ever loves you for achieving things. People love you when they feel connected to you. When you spend your life chasing achievements and neglecting friendship, you are doomed for sadness.

Renee. xoxox

What is your opinion on women who don’t compliment? Have you had an experience with a woman like this? How did it turn out? How did it make you feel? I’d love you to share so that other women can learn from you. 


  • Pingback: xcn5bsn5bvtb7sdn5cnvbttecc()

  • Pingback: ccn2785xdnwdc5bwedsj4wsndb()

  • jen

    I have a dear friend that ive known for quite some time. She does have a heart of gold, would do anything for you,cries if she thinks shes upset you. The thing that she does not do, and never has, is celebrate my successes, whatever they may be,small or large. Compliments are not her strong suit,at all. It bothers me greatly because as much as we share in common, this one area is completely opposite. My feeling is and always has been to let someone know if I think they did something amazing, look beautiful, have a nice kid,good husband,etc. I believe in praise,maybe because i received so very little growing up. This friend of mine will post on social network about how wonderful her husband is,how beautiful her kids are, to the point of bragging. I don’t mind giving my sincere praise, but so little ever is returned. Not just to me,but I don’t hear her admiring of anyone to speak of. It bothers me, and yet I love her for all her good qualities. I think in her upbringing something was lacking, and in reading this article, whatever is was, manifested in her being insecure with anyone shining brighter. As much as I care for her and gloss over this it bothers me. I almost sense that if i or someone in my family receive accolades for anything,shed begrudge it behind my back. That will always bother me.

  • disqus_9Km56rOeez

    Here’s a question from a husband….what if your wife has never given you a compliment after 14 years of marriage? I’m not talking about ‘hey good job on the house’, or ‘you smell nice’…. I mean you are handsome, sexy, cute, that sort of compliment. It seems there is no answer for that.

    • Kat

      That’s not right. Compliments make us feel loved.

  • Lee

    It’s what they are not saying that you need to really pay attention to.

  • Tina

    yup, it’s not like you’re fishing for compliments, but you expect those who are meant to be your closest friends to give compliments. Their opinion matters most than those who are just acquaintances.

  • Carrie

    I don’t agree with this post at all. I get complimented on my looks all the time, and it is really annoying. There is more to women than how they look. Yet society seems to emphasize the importance of women’s appearance. I am highly educated and I run my own business, but all people ever notice is that I’m attractive. It is extremely shallow and demeaning. Because I find it so annoying myself, I generally do not compliment other women with frequency. This isn’t because I don’t think they’re attractive, but because I do not value physical appearance over things like intelligence, kindness, etc. I also value friends who tell me what they really think over people who will compliment me just because they feel it is polite and might bolster any insecurities I might have.

  • Lynne

    I like this article because I’ve noticed this behaviour with a few girlfriends in my life and it’s not just the that I need compliments all the time but there is this demeaning silence from particular types who actually are quite competitive for male attention, are typically pretty / attractive themselves and get a lot of male attention, are insecure. I find it odd that even when it’s obvious that I’m looking good for a special occasion for instance there is not a word from them while others around me will be giving compliments. So yes I always end ip backing away from these relationships because there’s a very negative reductive and put down energy going on. Your article is on the money. Thanks

  • SweetMarie123

    I have recently cut off relationships with two “girlfriends” who never complimented me on anything, in spite of how often I complimented them and bent over backwards to build up their self-esteem and confidence. Its not that I need validation from anyone as I am a very self-confident woman; it was because when someone is like that they are usually jealous of you. A jealous woman is an enemy, period. Both women are overweight and look alot harder and older than me, even though we are the same age. I am tall slim and extremely fit. They are single and in financial distress and I am happily married to a man who treats me like a Goddess, and we are financially secure. I guess it was naiive to think they could be a friend when they are so disadvantaged comapared to me but I tried to be a good friend in so many ways. I think women need to be realistic and choose friends who are about equal to them, and that can mean changing friends alot as your life changes. I know that I am much happier without these two in my life.

  • carmel

    I have a friend am so close to and whenever she actualy does look good,i always complement.but its suprising how she never complements me even when i know i have realy done something great either academicaly or just the dressing or a nice perfume or hairstyle.some times she gives the impression that she is better in all when in the real sense i thiink she is just insecured so putting others down makes her feel better.

  • carmel

    I have a friend am so close to and whenever she actualy does look good,i always complement.but its suprising how she never complements me even when i know i have realy done something great either academicaly or just the dressing or a nice perfume or hairstyle

  • Kat

    Renee, I agree with many of your articles.

    Though this thing with Girlfriends, and girl energy power and how you need well.. I call it BS

    So many women today are insecure, even those Who self proclaim Queens of Beauty and have their noses full of pride and so on.

    About these types of people, REALLY ?? Is that all you share with your Gfnds or Best friends, just the way you look ?

    I think this makes a point, to choose your best friends after theri ENERGY, I agree .

    But listen, many of those you call misunderstood negative people, have lived and probably still do their life with some amount of frustrations and pain. Maybe they have a difficult past, maybe they did not get along with their mothers, and so on.

    MAYBE they lived in the shadow of a Narcisistic drama Queen that never allowed any other female to grow. You can.t JUDGE, those are still people .. but with their way of understanding and change

    And you can become a better person, much MUCH Free, beautiful and Unique !

    And you don`t have to be the Copy-Paste of Barbie, to have men like you ! I agree that you said in one of your articles mne are attracted to the ENERGY a woman has within !!

    GOLDEN. Yes, when a person is Happy, it shows !

    p.s. we all can become better version of ourselves ! I agree though with separating yourself from negative, once you achieved that mindstate and feeling of your own.

    • Anonymousposter

      I am glad you understand. Though I always have enough compliments from women.

      You can make a whole blog post about how men never compliment their women friends, because of the sexual tensions between men and women. Imagine being in a male dominated college or work place and dressing up and experiencing:

      1) men who don’t seem to see you because they are scared of seeming too friendly or flirtatious to a woman
      2) or men who hit on you in unclassy or desperate ways

      Your dress may not even be particularly revealing (I don’t expect men to compliment me when I am in a bikini or even in a halter dress or very short dress lol), but they seem to have some problem.

      If you are in a field like mine, you may end up with more male friends than female friends because it is simply natural, te statistics in the work force. And chances are, most of your male friends will never reinforce you appearance-wise in a nonsexual manner “nice hat, nice hair style, nice dress or you look great”.

      I posted about compliments from men and women in general and men in particular on another site once. And I got such flak for sounding like that is what I expect to continue being friends. I said exactly what you did, but people thought I was being unfair to base friendships on compliments. They also made it seem like I have needs from men that are inappropriate. I hated them all by the end and have never gone back. Why don’t I deserve good friends?

      Also, many people may be friendly acquaintances or friends, but not good ones. This is how I justify people who don’t compliment or reinforce me. I may still call them a friend, but not a good friend, in my head. After all even acquaintances and average friends may offer used and help in other ways (networking, information, news). That is why I have a ton of people on FB who I wouldn’t consider good friends.

      Compliments of course are over a period of time! This is exactly what I meant to say.

      I hate almost all my male friends now, because they remind me I haven’t made any good male friends. Wish I could attract more of the latter.

      But good for women to stand up for each other! It is rare for me to meet a woman who does not compliment at all, so I am satisfied with my female friends.

  • BB

    I disagree about achievements being masculine and not part of the equation when it comes to female friendship and energy. In fact, that’s a sexist viewpoint. I’m a professional writer and graphical artist. My work is very important to me–far more important than how I look. I question why some of my friends never compliment me on my work or, much less, even comment on it. In fact, it’s hurtful. I don’t expect endless flattery, but it would be nice if they took some interest and gave me some input. I’m convinced that those who never compliment others have jealousy or insecurity issues.

  • Joan

    I had lots of friends come and go in my lifetime. One in particular I remember wouldn’t compliment me. Even if I was wearing my most perfect outfit she wouldn’t say anything. She believed in constructive critism and only give that. Not that I believed that crap.

    Never. I believe women like that don’t have it in them to give. Don’t have it, don’t give. That’s not her fault really.

    • Anna

      hahaha Joan, I know exactly what you mean! I know one women who doesn’t believe in praise but she will offer constructive criticism… my boss! She says she shouldn’t have to give compliments or thanks for a job well done if it’s in the job description, but she will offer criticism if things need work. She even said it’s above expectations for a manager to offer praise! Isn’t it a manager’s job to motivate and appreciate the work done for them? Maybe I’m in the wrong job… or maybe I would not be a good manager if that was the case… but I noticed that innately I could not trust her because of this. There was something not right. She didn’t seem genuine and I became repelled by her. Come to think of it, my coworkers & I compliment her regularly (it comes naturally because she dresses nicely) but I never remembered a compliment back to us. I truly believe she is hiding her femininity.

      • Joan

        She is hiding her femininity like if you were to try to compliment a man or get a compliment from a man. They don’t do that too easily.

        And yes it is a manager’s job to offer praise. It builds you up. Not easy to find in this day and age. The corporate world is very masculine.

        It must really be hard to trust her for sure.

  • Natalie

    Let’s not be so quick to generalize that all women are looking for the same female bonding and marginalized those who have not been conditioned to give or receive compliments. Why is this not seen as normal just because there exists a warmer, more socially appealing version?

    I am surrounded by women who fish for compliments (“had a baby two months ago and my stomach is fat”, “ugh I wish I had your legs.”) and there are even more who happily rush to tier assistance and offer validation. I am happy to let them take care of that.

    I love to dress up and get done up from time to time, but the barrage of compliments and projected insecurities from women and patronizing comments from men turns my stomach so I only get dressed for work when required. I’ve stopped wearing makeup but dress well. I don’t want to affect or be affected by others nearly has much as the next person, but don’t believe it qualifies to be labeled out of the ordinary.

  • Anna C

    I always wonder…. how come women friends can end up hating another woman friend over one little thing? I’ve always noticed that throughout my life, a lot of women would judge me for one simple thing, get mad, not tell me about it, then just stop talking to me and hanging out. Upon confronting these women, one of them said that they were afraid of me taking their man and to stay away from him (I actually was NOT interested at ALL in their man), and others just stop replying to me. I just lost a lot of girl friends randomly (I have no idea why, but I can probably guess… one time I didn’t get a bride to be a gift for her bachelorette party only because I didn’t know you had to…) Also, I have personally stopped talking to a girl friend of mine over one incident where she tried to kiss my (now ex) boyfriend while drunk & when he didn’t comply she hit him… So, I never talked to her again….
    Why do girls do this? Why do they get caught up on one thing and all of a sudden stop talking to a person? Any help or insight would be greatly appreciated.
    Thank you.

    • Anna C

      I try to be very supportive and complimentary to my girlfriends, and I’m always here to give advice to relationship problems (a lot of them come to me for that), but usually & it’s happened all my life that most of my girlfriends just stop talking to me or replying to my messages. And I have no idea what I’ve done. I have a few girlfriends who have stuck by me my whole life, but I generally understand the male view point sometimes that women get upset over strange things and they don’t know what they did or what to do to stop it!

  • Lisa

    Maybe I misunderstood some of what you wrote, but it seems like you are saying that we should compliment female friends on the way they look. I don’t think it is necessary to give compliments all the time. Why do women feel the need to receive compliments on the way they look? If my female friends look more dressed up than they normally are, I acknowledge it. If they’re overall appearance (the way they’re dressed, facial expression, body language) suggests that something is wrong, then I ask. When I give my female friends a compliment, I mean it. I don’t want my female friends giving me a compliment if they don’t mean it. I don’t have the patience or the desire to put up with drama. If women get upset because I don’t compliment them over every single thing, then they need to grow up. If there is a reason to compliment then I will compliment. I don’t think that it’s appropriate to give compliments if you don’t mean it. Too me, that’s not genuine. Don’t give me compliments if you don’t mean it. If I am surprised or skeptical of a compliment, my response may be something like, “Really?” I actually had that happen twice yesterday (about a discussion I lead in a graduate level ecology reading group from 2 female professors). Apparently, I did better than I thought. I didn’t need the compliments but I said “thank you.” I don’t need for women to give me compliments about the way I look. If I feel like I look good then that is all that matters. If a female friend likes what I’m wearing or thinks that I look nice and gives me a compliment then that is fine. I’m ok without the compliments too.

  • Crystal

    Like most women, when I go out I really enjoy getting dressed up! Nothing crazy just a feminine put together look. Alot of my friends have completely different styles which I think is great.
    There’s been times a few of us wait on that ‘lagging’ friend, I’ve had that friend finally arrive and come sit down with us and say hi and make eye contact with each other girl and completely ignore me so many times. Other times I’ll be getting ready with a different group of girls and each of them will compliment eachother and nobody will ever say anything to me, all right in front of me! It’s not that I need their compliments, what bothers me is the utter lack of integrity and character on their part. It passive agressively sends a de-valuing message to me.Sadly, they’re all really beautiful and each has alot going for them but they’re not truly confident.
    I call this “chubby girl” syndrome. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their outer appearance but more their personal insecurity issues. These immature women will go out of their way to try and make another feel inferior. It’s often done passive agressively. Just enough that you know what their doing, and just here and there so you would look like the sensitive or petty one to call them on it. A particular friend had seemed to master this behaviour towards me and it once and she denied it, so I stopped bothering with her, she almost NEVER complimented me but would compliment and lavish attention on every other girl around me. This article is very true as that red flag was just the beginning of unsavoury behaviour.

  • lee

    I enjoy your website thank you! sadly,this artical is a painful subject to me. My best friend is a very insacure person and latly she claims i keep flirting with guys she is intrested in. After any social outing she creates a scene of crying and verbaly attacking me. me and my girlfriends take it and always try to help her. but im very hurt by this,i know i never did anything wrong to her and im very loyal. How should i respond to this? should i end the relationship or keep trying to make her see?