A Warning about Girlfriends who Don’t Compliment You

Warning about Bad Girlfriends who don't compliment

Do You Have Girlfriends who Don’t Compliment You? Here’s why that can be a Problem…

Choosing great girlfriends is just as important as choosing a great man. One affects the other. You become who you spend your time with.

How do you feel when you get dressed up all nicely for a night out with your girlfriends and one of your close girlfriends totally ignores it and doesn’t compliment you? And not only that night, but every single night for years prior to this – she just never compliments you. How do you feel?

Let’s be honest here. I’m not talking about being self obsessed – this is not about fishing for compliments because you want to take from others, or getting angry because no one is giving you the attention you think you want. This is about your friendship with that particular friend.

Sharing Feminine Energy

See, one aspect of feminine energy is that it’s about sharing energy. That’s why we women can talk for hours, it’s a sharing of energy! We don’t need to solve a problem, we just need to talk! And, that’s natural for the feminine women of the world. Compliments are the same. It’s a way of sharing energy. (read my article on the difference between pleasing and giving)

And more importantly – complimenting and praising each other as women is important because genuine praise is a gift you generously give to another woman that is worth far more than the effort it takes to give it.

Only, when a friend never compliments you – maybe she only compliments certain women whom she thinks are better than her, or women whom she secretly thinks are not a threat, or only women with black hair – whatever. The sharing of compliments should be universal for women. But often, it’s not.

A woman who doesn’t Compliment is not Genuine

I’ve thought about this. Personally, I can’t stand not complimenting other women or supporting them through praise; women who are kind and are beautiful; I feel it’s stifling not to compliment, and it’s ingenuine! (unless they’re not kind and beautiful of course; because they have an ugly nature and want to hurt others, and then I wouldn’t be hanging out with them anyway).

Not complimenting is ingenuine because it’s just that: ingenuine! If we were honest for a moment – we can ALL see and acknowledge radiance, happiness, beauty, and just an all-round great woman.

You can’t Trust a Woman who Doesn’t Compliment…

See, what I’ve worked out in myself, is that I can’t fully trust a girlfriend who doesn’t give other women, or give me compliments. I also cannot trust a girlfriend who only compliments on achievements (like career, job, money) and not things to do with my radiance.

Feminine radiance that is genuine is really a gift – and it should always, always be celebrated and complimented.

Compliments on Achievements are a Different thing…

Achievements, though they are wonderful, are a masculine thing – when a woman congratulates you on that, usually, it’s a sign of respect. That’s a sharing of masculine energy and it doesn’t serve female friendships as much as complimenting. It doesn’t bring two women closer and it doesn’t create a bond where there is trust NEARLY as much as genuine compliments do. Would you agree?

Here is why the woman who doesn’t compliment is untrustworthy: because she is already feeling extremely insecure. That’s why she is not complimenting. You can’t trust a woman who perpetually lives in and operates from her insecurities. Firstly, it’s a selfish thing to do to live in your insecurities.

I say that because I did it for a long time myself, and watched as people got more and more annoyed with me, and sadly, witnessed myself becoming a taker and a leech on people’s time and attention, rather than being a giver. It sucks to enjoy your own problems too much.

And secondly; the woman who doesn’t compliment has no resources to enjoy other people’s radiance and feminine energy anyway!

See, what leads to an inability to compliment other women is a lack of resources within a woman herself. ie: she doesn’t feel pretty herself, she is bitter because she always felt second to other women, she felt oppressed and deeply hurt by other women growing up, or her parents just never complimented her and rather, put her down, so she is uncomfortable with compliments altogether.

What to do when Girlfriends Just Don’t Compliment…

Here’s what I suggest if you have acquaintances or friends who don’t compliment:

1) I suggest that when the time is right; complimenting all of them genuinely.

A lot of women at first DO secretly think nicely of a woman, but their mind quickly searches for FLAWS! Don’t allow yourself to be this kind of woman; in other words, a fraud. Be the real you.

By the way -

Of course, don’t compliment for the sake of it. You want to naturally allow yourself to COMPLIMENT rather than WITHHOLD. (read my article on mediocre women)

Not withholding is more important than digging for a random thing to compliment on. 

What I learned humbly through my own experience is that getting along with other women is a skill. We too often say “oh women are jealous, I get along better with men!” True, women are the worst to other attractive women.

But that’s no reason to settle for a lonely life without feminine energy around you to light you up!

Surprisingly, you’ll be shocked how much other great, feminine women can do for you and your love life. The more feminine girlfriends you have, the more support you have, and the more your well of emptiness fills up and you don’t have to grab at a man to try to get HIM to be in the role of a girlfriend for you. Which he’ll hate anyway, unless he’s more feminine. Or the new age type guy.

2) Compliment and give yourself acknowledgement, so that your own radiance can shine. One thing’s for sure. You need your own acknowledgement more than you need anyone else’s!

Here’s what I am training my own self to do:

Whenever I feel myself worrying about something I did, or something that happened, I consciously give myself a compliment for what I’ve already done.

If you feel you made a mistake at work somehow, then acknowledge yourself for making progress in the past anyway. Everyone else is stuffing up as much as you are, believe me!

If you feel you wore the wrong skirt today; remember there’s always tomorrow to wear something more appropriate and acknowledge and compliment yourself for noticing that wearing that skirt wasn’t the best choice.

When you can acknowledge yourself, you can acknowledge others, and create friendships and bonds that you deserve. And more importantly, NEED in your life.

One small aside: Don’t get too upset with women who don’t compliment you. More often than not, this is also a woman who cannot RECEIVE compliments from you about herself. And she will refuse to believe you, and might even hate the person who compliments.

Women like this I can almost guarantee you; they are suffering.   A woman who cannot compliment, or always looks for ways to bring another woman down is quietly suffering. Probably more than you think.

The question is: Do you want to be the woman who criticizes this type of woman? Or would you rather be compassionate? The latter does a lot more for your attractiveness and radiance. It’s your choice.

Forming Bonds with Other Women is more Important than You Think…

Always remember: choose your friends carefully. In this masculine charged world that many of us live in, it’s more and more important to form bonds with other women and to share feminine energy; just TRY with the women who don’t compliment.

Look to acknowledge her, and compliment her. If she still chooses to lag behind and feel bad for herself, then you’ll be far better off being a good friend to another woman who is feminine and who lights you up – and whom you can light up in return.

Just don’t fall for the myth that achievements are what life is about. It’s not! Nobody ever loves you for achieving things. People love you when they feel connected to you. When you spend your life chasing achievements and neglecting friendship, you are doomed for sadness.

Renee. xoxox

What is your opinion on women who don’t compliment? Have you had an experience with a woman like this? How did it turn out? How did it make you feel? I’d love you to share so that other women can learn from you. 

Renee the feminine woman

42 Comments

  • BB

    Reply Reply March 2, 2014

    I disagree about achievements being masculine and not part of the equation when it comes to female friendship and energy. In fact, that’s a sexist viewpoint. I’m a professional writer and graphical artist. My work is very important to me–far more important than how I look. I question why some of my friends never compliment me on my work or, much less, even comment on it. In fact, it’s hurtful. I don’t expect endless flattery, but it would be nice if they took some interest and gave me some input. I’m convinced that those who never compliment others have jealousy or insecurity issues.

  • Joan

    Reply Reply March 1, 2014

    I had lots of friends come and go in my lifetime. One in particular I remember wouldn’t compliment me. Even if I was wearing my most perfect outfit she wouldn’t say anything. She believed in constructive critism and only give that. Not that I believed that crap.

    Never. I believe women like that don’t have it in them to give. Don’t have it, don’t give. That’s not her fault really.

    • Anna

      Reply Reply March 1, 2014

      hahaha Joan, I know exactly what you mean! I know one women who doesn’t believe in praise but she will offer constructive criticism… my boss! She says she shouldn’t have to give compliments or thanks for a job well done if it’s in the job description, but she will offer criticism if things need work. She even said it’s above expectations for a manager to offer praise! Isn’t it a manager’s job to motivate and appreciate the work done for them? Maybe I’m in the wrong job… or maybe I would not be a good manager if that was the case… but I noticed that innately I could not trust her because of this. There was something not right. She didn’t seem genuine and I became repelled by her. Come to think of it, my coworkers & I compliment her regularly (it comes naturally because she dresses nicely) but I never remembered a compliment back to us. I truly believe she is hiding her femininity.

      • Joan

        Reply Reply March 1, 2014

        She is hiding her femininity like if you were to try to compliment a man or get a compliment from a man. They don’t do that too easily.

        And yes it is a manager’s job to offer praise. It builds you up. Not easy to find in this day and age. The corporate world is very masculine.

        It must really be hard to trust her for sure.

  • Natalie

    Reply Reply February 9, 2014

    Let’s not be so quick to generalize that all women are looking for the same female bonding and marginalized those who have not been conditioned to give or receive compliments. Why is this not seen as normal just because there exists a warmer, more socially appealing version?

    I am surrounded by women who fish for compliments (“had a baby two months ago and my stomach is fat”, “ugh I wish I had your legs.”) and there are even more who happily rush to tier assistance and offer validation. I am happy to let them take care of that.

    I love to dress up and get done up from time to time, but the barrage of compliments and projected insecurities from women and patronizing comments from men turns my stomach so I only get dressed for work when required. I’ve stopped wearing makeup but dress well. I don’t want to affect or be affected by others nearly has much as the next person, but don’t believe it qualifies to be labeled out of the ordinary.

  • Anna C

    Reply Reply June 4, 2013

    I always wonder…. how come women friends can end up hating another woman friend over one little thing? I’ve always noticed that throughout my life, a lot of women would judge me for one simple thing, get mad, not tell me about it, then just stop talking to me and hanging out. Upon confronting these women, one of them said that they were afraid of me taking their man and to stay away from him (I actually was NOT interested at ALL in their man), and others just stop replying to me. I just lost a lot of girl friends randomly (I have no idea why, but I can probably guess… one time I didn’t get a bride to be a gift for her bachelorette party only because I didn’t know you had to…) Also, I have personally stopped talking to a girl friend of mine over one incident where she tried to kiss my (now ex) boyfriend while drunk & when he didn’t comply she hit him… So, I never talked to her again….
    Why do girls do this? Why do they get caught up on one thing and all of a sudden stop talking to a person? Any help or insight would be greatly appreciated.
    Thank you.

    • Anna C

      Reply Reply June 4, 2013

      I try to be very supportive and complimentary to my girlfriends, and I’m always here to give advice to relationship problems (a lot of them come to me for that), but usually & it’s happened all my life that most of my girlfriends just stop talking to me or replying to my messages. And I have no idea what I’ve done. I have a few girlfriends who have stuck by me my whole life, but I generally understand the male view point sometimes that women get upset over strange things and they don’t know what they did or what to do to stop it!

  • Lisa

    Reply Reply March 28, 2013

    Maybe I misunderstood some of what you wrote, but it seems like you are saying that we should compliment female friends on the way they look. I don’t think it is necessary to give compliments all the time. Why do women feel the need to receive compliments on the way they look? If my female friends look more dressed up than they normally are, I acknowledge it. If they’re overall appearance (the way they’re dressed, facial expression, body language) suggests that something is wrong, then I ask. When I give my female friends a compliment, I mean it. I don’t want my female friends giving me a compliment if they don’t mean it. I don’t have the patience or the desire to put up with drama. If women get upset because I don’t compliment them over every single thing, then they need to grow up. If there is a reason to compliment then I will compliment. I don’t think that it’s appropriate to give compliments if you don’t mean it. Too me, that’s not genuine. Don’t give me compliments if you don’t mean it. If I am surprised or skeptical of a compliment, my response may be something like, “Really?” I actually had that happen twice yesterday (about a discussion I lead in a graduate level ecology reading group from 2 female professors). Apparently, I did better than I thought. I didn’t need the compliments but I said “thank you.” I don’t need for women to give me compliments about the way I look. If I feel like I look good then that is all that matters. If a female friend likes what I’m wearing or thinks that I look nice and gives me a compliment then that is fine. I’m ok without the compliments too.

  • Crystal

    Reply Reply March 26, 2013

    Like most women, when I go out I really enjoy getting dressed up! Nothing crazy just a feminine put together look. Alot of my friends have completely different styles which I think is great.
    There’s been times a few of us wait on that ‘lagging’ friend, I’ve had that friend finally arrive and come sit down with us and say hi and make eye contact with each other girl and completely ignore me so many times. Other times I’ll be getting ready with a different group of girls and each of them will compliment eachother and nobody will ever say anything to me, all right in front of me! It’s not that I need their compliments, what bothers me is the utter lack of integrity and character on their part. It passive agressively sends a de-valuing message to me.Sadly, they’re all really beautiful and each has alot going for them but they’re not truly confident.
    I call this “chubby girl” syndrome. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their outer appearance but more their personal insecurity issues. These immature women will go out of their way to try and make another feel inferior. It’s often done passive agressively. Just enough that you know what their doing, and just here and there so you would look like the sensitive or petty one to call them on it. A particular friend had seemed to master this behaviour towards me and it once and she denied it, so I stopped bothering with her, she almost NEVER complimented me but would compliment and lavish attention on every other girl around me. This article is very true as that red flag was just the beginning of unsavoury behaviour.

  • lee

    Reply Reply March 7, 2013

    I enjoy your website thank you! sadly,this artical is a painful subject to me. My best friend is a very insacure person and latly she claims i keep flirting with guys she is intrested in. After any social outing she creates a scene of crying and verbaly attacking me. me and my girlfriends take it and always try to help her. but im very hurt by this,i know i never did anything wrong to her and im very loyal. How should i respond to this? should i end the relationship or keep trying to make her see?

  • Michaela

    Reply Reply February 19, 2013

    Great article!

    Aside from being insecure or confident, I have three comments regarding compliment givers:

    1. It seems women who give compliments to female counterparts, view the recipient as being less than or equivalent to regarding attractiveness.
    2. On the other hand, there are those who tend to withhold giving compliments ….simply because they find it uncomfortable making such a comment.
    3. Overall…I think compliments can either be a positive or negative energy. For example, a woman compliments a stranger on how great her hair looks…that’s positive energy, because the person complimenting doesn’t know the recipient and therefore the comment would be a kind gesture. However, let’s say the same person compliments a co-worker on how great her hair looks one morning…that’s pretty much negative energy. In other words, the second so –called compliment is pretty much conveying …”From the time I met you till this morning , I’ve pretty much considered your hair …well, not so great.”

    So if you’re seeking a compliment by those who know you and don’t receive one, don’t fret…consider it a good thing! :)

  • bikegirl

    Reply Reply January 31, 2013

    i dont usually compliment my friends. it’s annoying to do that just to flatter someone else. this is one of my experiences. i dont usually wear makeup. so on this one event i tried it out( my friend did the makekup for me). i think i looked bad but everybody said that i looked beautiful. it’s not that i’m not confident or insecure of myself. i know how i look, when i look good or bad. the next day i did the makeup myself. and i asked my close friend “do i look better than last night?” (just to test her,i knew i look better). and she said yes and told me atually i looked terrible last night. see?
    she praised just because everybody said so and everybody might just want to make me feel better(i dont need that(truth makes me feel good). somehow i can tell if someone is telling me the truth or lies,comfortable or just annoyed with me and trying to win my attention.

    so i dont think not giving compliments is ingenuine or untrustworthy. i tell my firends the truth, giving honest comment how u look with tht lipstick color or do u look short in that jeans.
    i have strong bonds with my girlfriends( well all of them do compliment a lot)

  • holly

    Reply Reply January 27, 2013

    I really feel like women need to be more supportive!! I can remember last summer, I put on a nice summer dress, some killer heels, accessorised my out fit and did my hair and makeup.

    I describe myself, down to earth and average looking but i’m a really nice person. Anyway, making the best of my appearance I felt happy with myself and projected confidence in my body langu age so obviously some people will be attracted to that. At the end of the day, i’m attractive to the people who find me attractive, their is someone for everyone right.

    I can remeber being in the super-market and their was a couple. I could see that the man was taking notice of me and his girlfriend felt uncomfortable by it. (I know because I read body language and sensitive to peoples feelings)

    Being the compassionate person I am, I really wanted the women to feel special and important so I directed my complete attention on the mans girlfriend. I smiled at her and thought you deserve to feel amazing and you deserve to feel special and important!!

    Sadly, the women looked away like she felt uncomfortable which saddened me. I really wish she could have felt like I was trying to make her feel important.

    I know what it feels like because i’ve felt like i’m not good enough my whole life. I really care about people a’lot, I really to help people. No one should have to walk around feeling bad because of the things other people say.

    nobody is perfect!!, I really feel now like the things we dislike about ourself are the things that make us who we are.

    At the end of the day, everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated :”-), we all human, we all smile the same language lol.

    I think we all need to find the beauty in everyone.

  • SweetMarie123

    Reply Reply January 27, 2013

    I agree that you can’t really trust a women who never compliments you that way. Another headgame I find alot of women play is this. They will really praise up a duckling, like themselves, and blatantly ignore the swan. This is transparent and pathetic but it happens alot. Once I came right out and asked a duckling about it, called her on it, and she was surprisingly honest.
    This is what happened. A group of overweight women were sitting with a swan, a very fit and slim woman with a really exceptional figure. They went on amongst themselves about how they wanted to lose weight and couldn’t, they were trying this and that, nothing was working etc.
    At no time did they compliment the swan, or ask her anything about how she stays in shape etc.
    She might as well have been invisible.
    Later, I asked a duckling why no one asked the swan about how she keeps in shape.
    She said “Then they would have to admit she looks better than them.”
    This amazes me because I wonder if ducklings think by simply saying things, they can shapeshift realiy? Also, it amazes me that they think no one can see through this.
    Has anyone else experienced this type of behaviour?

  • SweetMarie123

    Reply Reply January 27, 2013

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  • Renico

    Reply Reply December 5, 2012

    Unfortunately, i experienced it a lot. Women are easily intimidated. Even my best friend at the time was not only not giving compliments anymore, she was even putting me down in all ways possible. I also tried to make her feel better by giving her more comlpliments and pointing out our differences but, like my grandmother always says, you can never cope with jealous people, it only gets worse. And it did, it made me feel horrible evrytime we had contact. So i had to quit. Im still hurt 6 years later…

  • samira

    Reply Reply October 25, 2012

    Dear Renee
    Hi ,millions of congratulations to you newly wed. Hope you had a great time .
    Thank you so much for such great issues you always reach and send us .I really appreciate it.
    You asked if I’ve had a friend Like that before or not,yes ,she was my cousin and we liked each other alot, but any time we met the first thing she criticized aboute was my look that irritiated me alot and I felt uneasy and after a while I lost my confidence despite I was more in shape and younger, But I was always calm and gentle and gave compliment to her . but that didn’t satisfy her. I think as you mentioned she had a problem herself. when we went shopping she suggested me what to buy and when there was a party she tried to be special but still she was’nt happy and downgraded herself. In my wedding ceremony she was shocked when she saw me in my make up and dress. was she jealouse of me? finally we ended our relationship . I think you are absolutly right. we should’nt keep in touch with those who put us down .

  • Mona

    Reply Reply October 23, 2012

    Renee your article has refreshed the female-friendship-outlook for me. It’s inspired me to contribute more to the relationship my best friend and I have and encourages me to be more of myself around her with no worries, cause obviously as you have stated, getting along with other females can be difficult if the approach is wrong or etc. Thank you for posting this, I look forward to read more articles :)

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 23, 2012

      Hey Mona! No thank you for reading :)
      I love your interpretation of my article…as a way to add more value to your friendship with your best girlfriend. She’s lucky to have you. xoxox

  • Tom

    Reply Reply October 22, 2012

    Being a guy with much more feminine energy most of the time I found this article opened my eyes to a few things.

    Firstly I have been slowly pulling away from a female friend in the last year or so because she is so very much like this and more. I would always show concern and genuine interest in her life, and give encouragement and compliments but rarely ever do I receive that back. I didnt really realize it on a conscious level why I felt the need to pull away until reading this. I am thankful I trust my intuition :) We talk here and there, but its not a close bond at all.

    Secondly the comment about recognizing achievements being more masculine really made sense to me and ironically was something a masculine energy friend and I were discussing over the weekend. He was telling me he likes those things but only if there is real meaning, and I was saying I tend not to at all but I didnt know why, just never have so much. I prefer something more personal.. a real thank you from that person, not something generic or contrived. Reading this made sense though.. if masculine energy thrives more on recognizing achievement then obviously I wont respond well to that because that isnt creating that bond you spoke of or trust.. its just “thanks” and move on. Amazing! I just love your articles :)

    I do have a question though as posed by my masculine friend when I told him about this article. He is a soccer coach for a girls team and a boys team, and he tries very hard to treat the two differently and more in tune with their feminine/masculine energies. After I told him about this, he has become confused as to the best way to handle them. Here is his question:

    “So this article says that it would be better for me to congratulate the boys but not the girls. It would be far better to compliment their efforts and achievements as specific parts instead of a general congratulations, right?

    I have to say, though, that even boys prefer specific compliments on points of effort and not just general congratulations.

    So… what is the difference, per the article, on this thought?”

    I dont know guys all to well so I dont know how to answer that. Do you have any ideas on what I can tell him?

  • Sunshine

    Reply Reply October 22, 2012

    There is a woman in my life who always tells me when she likes an article of clothing that I’m wearing and immediately asks where I purchase what I’m wearing. She doesn’t say if it looks good on me or not, but just wants to know where I buy my clothing and accessories. The other night I was out with my sister and some friends. This woman I’m referring to was also in the company of the group. She grabbed my sister’s purse and told another woman in the group, “Maybe your husband will buy you something like this for Christmas.” I found that to be tasteless. I feel that when I’m around her, she’s examining me. I trust my intuition. Something doesn’t sit right with me. Am I looking into this too much? Renee, what are your thoughts?

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 23, 2012

      Hey Sunshine….no, I’d feel uncomfortable too.

      She sounds like she is just completely unaware and too in to herself to realise what she’s doing and the effects of it on you.

      This is not saying she’s in the wrong, or that she’s a bad person…it’s just the truth, you don’t feel good when she does it. Full stop.

  • Katey

    Reply Reply October 22, 2012

    I am so interested by this. I have a lovely friend who supports me professionally but NEVER EVER (ok once in 6 years) compliments me about my clothes, hair etc. It is so marked. I compliment her a lot because that is my style. She is very loyal on the one hand but insensitive on the other ..will sit there doing work texts when I visit and sometimes even when I am talking to her!! ‘I am still listening’ she says. She is very down on her own appearance and describes herself as fat and ugly (she is overweight but very pretty). I think she is lovely but my self-image suffers when I spend too much time with her. I had never thought of her as masculine energy…but this is exactly what she is.
    Thank you Renee. x

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 23, 2012

      Hey Katey,

      I’m sorry to hear about your friend…she must be feeling terrible.

      Well, she may not be fully masculine at her core! She might just show up in her masculine more.

      It’s also possible that she feels so un radiant and empty that she just can’t come out of herself and shine let alone let you know, how you shine. It’s hard, as a woman when you feel unnattractive…sometimes people try to say thinking about how attractive you are/feel is such a superficial unimportant thing but it’s not. To be fully open and feminine, you have to feel attractive.

  • Jas

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    Not all women are “feminine” at heart. There are a minority who are very masculine or who happen to be a very equal balance of both, and those types are naturally going to be less likely to compliment.

    I don’t see that as a bad thing, if they are being true to their nature.

    There are exceptions to every rule, so people should examine carefully the reason behind it to see how and why it fits in.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 21, 2012

      Hi Jas, yes, as I say very often in my emails and posts, there’s a percentage (around 10%) of women who are more masculine.

      It’s definitely not a bad thing if they’re being true to their nature. It serves them, and it serves others for them to be true to their nature.

      And yet…for women who are more feminine at heart, feminine girlfriends who actively share their feminine gifts with her (and with other women) are extremely valuable.

  • onthewaydown

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    You are absolutely right, Renee.

    I admit I have been that girl. The girl who didn’t know how to give (or receive) compliments.

    You said, “…she doesn’t feel pretty herself, she is bitter because she always felt second to other women…” and this is exactly how I felt. I felt second place in my own life and lower than my own friends. At first, my friends tried to convince me that I was just as worthy and as attractive as they were–but then, I convinced them that I was less than. And they started treating me that way.

    So as a result, I stopped giving compliments to them. I felt so low that it did not even occur to me to give compliments at one point. In fact, as you mentioned, I started noticing flaws on these women that I knew were beautiful, radiant, confident, and attractive. It was just that I didn’t feel like any of those things, so I made them in my mind to be less than so that I could “relate” better. Misery really does love company.

    Since discovering these femininity blogs a few months ago, I have started making changes…and I can already see the difference. That old me who could not compliment anyone is fading away…everything and everyone just seems a bit more beautiful to me now.

    To those who deal with women like the me that I’m abandoning: never feel like it’s your fault. It’s not about you, and totally about the person who won’t compliment you. And I pray that one day she reclaims her shine and comes out of the realm of insecurity.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 23, 2012

      Thanks for your wonderful comment, onthewaydown.

      And congratulations for making those incredible changes! You should be proud of yourself, and buy yourself a special gift to celebrate. Always celebrate and basque in your own progress, so that you always keep going!

      Take care. xoxox

  • Simi

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    This is also woman who compliment you, and keep on talking about something they admire about u, like ur hair. Then one day, for no reason, they start being mean to you and they cut ur hair off. I’m black so that hair is going to take a while to grow back, it was well below my shoulders, now it’s at ear level. I’m the shy girl, and make an effort to be polite. But I just feel so bad now, and I can’t get anyone to braid my hair, now. It’s hard to even put in a ponytail, I didn’t realize how much women care for their hair until I lost mine. Any tips for being feminine with short hair. It’s not even full like most black girls hair, its thin and short. Do u want pictures of the length now and before so u can see urself?
    I’m in high school, but I just needed to say this, in case it’s happened to someone else, how did u deal with it?

    • onthewaydown

      Reply Reply October 21, 2012

      I cannot believe those girls cut your hair off. How mean!

      If you have the time and/or willpower, perhaps you could purchase some synthetic hair and braid it in yourself? There are lots of YouTube tutorials out there that show you how to do that sort of thing.

      Sorry I don’t have much advice for you. :(

    • AJ

      Reply Reply October 22, 2012

      Simi,

      I am so sorry those girls did that to you. They are not feminine, nor attractive and should be ashamed of themselves. Like onthewaydown suggested there is synthetic hair option. Another thing you can possibly do in conjunction is up certain vitamins. Biotin is very helpful in helping to grow hair, but you need to take more than the dosage and give it six months to a year.

      What I did when I had to cut my hair short once for reasons beyond my control, I took my multi vitamin as well as 3000 mg of biotin a day. That was just my choice, you don’t have to take that much, but I had read that in order for hair to grow you need to take 2500 mg at least a day so i upped it a bit. I made sure i had foods that had iron in it like big leafy greens such kale and chard, I would drink liquid chlorophyll with a little bit of copper in my water.I also took fish oil and would make sure I had lots of fresh fruit/vegetables, daily 2 tablespoons of organic extra virgin olive oil etc. By the next year my hair didn’t just grow quickly, the quality and texture of it was far superior than it ever used to be! Not to mention skin!

      You may also care for it on the outside with wonderful oils like organic extra virgin olive oil, organic virgin coconut oil, amla (gooseberry) oil, and a myriad of different types of oils that is great for your hair on the external level. If you do both, internal and external care I can guarantee you’ll be gorgeous! :) Good luck and have fun caring for yourself. You deserve it!

  • VolleyGirl

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    This post is sooooooo relevant to me right now.
    During these past couple of years, I have been finding it really hard to form friendships with women in general. When I meet new girlfriends, everything is going well and then all of a sudden, they start giving me the cold shoulder. I have no idea what I did wrong. It’s not like we had an argument or I was rude to them (at least not that I’m aware of). I simply have no idea what I did wrong. I obviously thought about asking them, but they literally avoid me, I can even feel their cold energy.I’m just perplexed with this situation! I’m starting to think that I’m doing something wrong since I’m the common factor.
    I have been finding it easier to just make friendships with guys because they don’t treat me that way, and I have not been having these problems.
    Currently I have made a new girl friend from uni and we have been getting along really well, but it’s still new days. Let’s see what happens.

  • maria

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    This is such a MAJOR issue among women, immature girl groups and cliques. I often experience this. These women who do not compliment or give a fake compliment (with a side eye and looks at you up and down) are catty and unattractive.
    I have had associates who will go out with you and not compliment at all. I remember a time I bought a really nice dress, I felt confident but when I picked my “associate” up, her energy was so low , i guess because of how she felt about herself, that she made me feel like I was not attractive. Her energy was negative. Always have been. You can compliment these women all you want and can, but they will eventually bring you down.
    I do not suggest hanging around with them. I suggest slowly distancing yourself from them and attract new friends.
    These woman are leeches. Renee you pin pointed them RIGHT ON.
    What I have found is that when i let these women go, they go and hang with “my old friends that i let go”. I sit back and smile. Birds of a feather flock together. Misery LOVES company.
    I appreciate this. Thank You!

  • Chanel

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    I completely agree with all you have said here, Renee! It really is telling, the way women talk to each other.

    My closest girlfriends and I genuinely compliment each other. When we see each other it is always “I love your dress, I love that purse, your hair looks really cute like that!”, etc. It’s a bonding thing that shows that there is no jealousy or ill motives between us, because there isn’t! I love them so much and am truly happy when good things happen for them or they look fabulous. I noticed that women with feminine, positive attitudes tend to find each other and stick together in social settings.

    I used to work in an office full of women. My manager was a lady who lost her feminine attitude a loooong time ago, like 1985…haha. Even so, she had lovely suits and always wore nice jewelry. I would compliment her on these things, to try to break her icy exterior. You know what her responses would be? She would either backhandedly put me down by exclaiming the price of the item and how one day, if I worked hard enough, I might be able to own such a thing, or she’d go on and on about the brand name of the item and how she only wears such brand name, or she’d be genuinely uncomfortable and make me feel bad for complimenting her…like the item I complimented was nothing and how only poor people would think it was fabulous…I am so not kidding!

    I could tell she was totally threatened by my attitude. Poor thing. Maybe I should send her a link to your website…lol.

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 21, 2012

      Hi Chanel, I’ve experienced this kind of attitude in women, too (like your manager).

      I think when a woman has this attitude, she assumes that you want what she has – kind of like projected empathy as well. She secretly wants something in her life that she feels is missing (most likely love and attention), So she doesn’t understand a genuine compliment. At least not at this particular stage of her life.

      I’m sure you just wanted to give her the gift of a genuine compliment though.

      xoxox

  • Arabella

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    Very interesting article, and I do agree that having a close group of girlfriends is VERY important. Actually have a whole class of them and a best friend ^-^ I think that’s why I’ve been much more outgoing and happy because I make sure to surround myself with positive, feminine, and wonderful women! I didn’t make a lot of friends before and was depressed and insecure all the time so it was hard to compliment most women. And also these same women weren’t very good people anyway. It’s made a BIG difference and I think women who say, “Men make better friends than women” are missing out!

    One thing that I would also watch out for is for women who compliment TOO much. I’ve had that problem before and in the end, I’ve found her to be ingenuine. It seemed like she was juist trying to find SOMETHING to compliment me on and couldn’t find much so she just said a bunch all the time. And her actions would show the opposite: that she felt more superior to me. It made me feel just as bad. So…I don’t know if it’s just me but I think that’s just as bad a woman who never compliments you at all!

    • Renee Wade

      Reply Reply October 21, 2012

      Hi Arabella! This is interesting. And yes! Bring over-complimented when it’s not genuine is not a nice feeling.

      I guess when compliments are not spontaneous, they feel out of place. Like they were very deliberately dug out of a deep well….for the wrong reasons. :)

  • GJ

    Reply Reply October 21, 2012

    Thanks for this post! I have had a couple of girlfriends like this before, and something just didn’t feel right! And sometimes I felt like I was complimenting them, but they wouldn’t return the compliment, which felt strange. Maybe like you say, they were rejecting the compliment? I’ve also been that girl before as well. If you’re feeling low it’s not on your mind to compliement others.

    • Penelope

      Reply Reply October 21, 2012

      I really appreciate this post Renee. I really like having girlfriends and am a total girly-girl. When I reflect back on school, college, (even my teachers) and work environments I see that I have actually been bullied by other women…women who are ages 50+ and 15! Age is not a factor! You are right, the problem is these women are so angry for what they are not or are intimidated because they don’t find themselves attractive. Only each woman can do that for themselves. Give themselves the permission to find themselves beautiful without only looking at exterior shape and form. It is every women’s responsibility to themselves and others to cultivate this. I have a friend who is very nice and complimentary but when we get together she cannot stop bragging about her 12 jobs, credentials, achievements, high money earnings, relationships etc…I find it very draining and negative. I know she cares about me but I do not feel good after spending time with her. It is a tough one when you know your friend is trying so hard to compensate for her own feelings of low self-worth.

    • Em

      Reply Reply October 22, 2012

      This is one of those culture things, I think… In Finland, we don’t usually give a lot of compliments – not even female Finns. Hard climate, hard people, I guess. There’s a common belief that complimenting somebody too much is actually bad for them (and for yourself too – it makes you look like you want something from them). So, compliments are rare, and when you receive one, you can be quite sure that the other person really REALLY means it.

      So, to me, for example most Americans (regardless of gender!) seem terribly fake and insincere with their constant compliments and sweeties and honeys, and they usually instantly make me withdraw inside and start questioning their motives. I’m only used to being called “sweetie” by my man, and somehow it feels very intruding to suddenly hear it all the time from complete strangers – and the same goes for compliments! I fully realize it’s just about cultural differences, and yet I still can’t help feeling like I want to run away… I can only imagine how I would react to someone who is overcomplimenting even by American standards. :)

      • onthewaydown

        Reply Reply October 23, 2012

        I agree about the cultural thing…where my parents are from, compliments are not the order of the day–insults are! When I go there to visit I often feel drained. I wonder if they can’t keep their unsolicited comments to themselves for once! But I have learned over the years not to take it personally, or any other culture’s style of compliments for that matter.

        Anyway…”sweeties” and “honeys”? That does sound overwhelming (and I grew up in the US). I think that depends on which Americans you talk to. I remember dealing with that when I lived in the Southern United States. Other parts of the US, like the Northeast, I don’t imagine people being that enthusiastic about their compliments.

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