Why Men Withdraw and What to Do about it.

Ms. Renee,
hello, why cant I seem to view the whole video. Your website is very helpful:) thank you very much for sharing this with us!

[Reply]

A man pulls away when he is NOT receiving sexual pleasure or home cooked meals……….

[Reply]

I suppose it’s not so much the pitch or tone of the voice I’m referring to, but more what is said. The example I raised was that of a co-worker asking another employee about her age infront of 15 others. She could have done it in a soft voice and it would have been just as bad for the lady on the receiving end. Well, perhaps better because maybe some of the 15 people wouldn’t have heard it if she whispered it haha.

But either way, the look of uncomfortableness and embarassement from being put on the spot was written all over the lady’s face. I would not classify someone who asks such questions without regarding someone else’s feelings or reactions to it as someone who is “feminine” or considerate in their ways.

It would be nice to see more women be kind to eachother and look out for one another. Sure peaceful and calm women can be mean on the inside, and loud women could have a heart of gold. But the abrassive type of loud women i was referring to will gossip and talk of nothing of substance. It could be that she is acting in her “authentic” way but speaking ill of others or gossiping about things which they know nothing about seems crassy to me.

It wouldn’t be fair to categorize as i appreciate the fact that everyone is unique. However, in my experience, I have found that peaceful women weren’t evil women in hiding lol but were genuinely peaceful spirits. It’s nice to see that, and it would be just as nice to see an outgoing, outspoken woman who is also peaceful at heart!

[Reply]

Great post Renee! I found it to be very informative, thank you =)

One thing I’ve been noticing about women/femininity is women’s social skills (general behavior in public). I come from a family where the women are modest, polite, and calm in nature. Maybe it is because I was raised this way, but I find that women are most attractive when exhibiting those traits. Even Disney classics such as Beauty and the Beast, snow white, sleeping beauty etc, feature calm, collective and peaceful girls who are delightful to watch.

However, when i look around all i see are loud obnoxious women. All they seem to do is talk!! No listening, just waiting for their turn to talk. Even teenagers exhibit this behavior. The quiet, shy, respectful ones are just ignored, while these loud, somewhat crassy women take over lol. It is just something i have noticed lately, esp since i work at a women’s boutique, and all i see everyday (including my coworkers) are all women.

Last wk i heard one of my coworkers asking another coworker (infront of ALL other employees), what her age was? While the poor lady felt the need to answer to that question infront of everyone. I was just very saddened by the fact that women no longer show consideration for others.

Is it just me or have women become much more abrasive, loud and gossipy? What happened to elegant, classy women who may not speak so much but have something of depth and importance to say when they do speak. Women who take care of their environment and do not act in ways boys do. It is a sad reality if “strong” women are those who must act in unfeminine ways…

Anyway just an observation. If you ever write a post of this nature i would be very interested to read it.

Cheers to all the lovely women in the world xo

[Reply]

A. Reply:
March 14th, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I heard a calm and peaceful Japanese women describing the tsunami as it crushed people and washed them away. She said something like, “… and there are people trying to escape”. Her voice was very calm and she was obviously attempting to be ladylike and graceful in her speech but in truth it was one of the creepiest things I’ve ever heard. It was like she was more concerned with how she projected her voice than she was with the utter devastation right in front of her face.

I described that because often people will define what is “feminine” as opposed to “un-feminine”, castigating those women who they define as “un-feminine” without giving any special consideration to the value of authenticity.

Personally I think some louder, more abrasive women can be the most authentic ones. Some of these women can and do project self-respect. Oftentimes they are experienced, older women who have been mothers of several children and have run families. Contrariwise, some women who may be considered “feminine” by your definition who are soft spoken and well-behaved, so to speak, are some of the most vicious, inauthentic people one could ever have the displeasure to know.

Human behavior is complex and I really do not believe femininity can be so easily defined into loud/abrasive and polite/soft spoken categories.

[Reply]

Kevin Reply:
June 5th, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I concur with your observations. More and more women are *proud* of being the squeaky wheel, and loud behavior is flouted as being socially acceptable. I don’t particularly like it in men, and in women it is revolting.

[Reply]

That’s exactly what it feels like. The only thing is every time I get stuck in the maze, I know where the secret garden is all along. I just don’t want to admit it to myself. I think that’s probably true for many women.

I just split with my partner because he’s an alcoholic. I knew for a while I would have to make the decision to leave. I just didn’t want to do it so I went through the maze. I was confused, talked to friends, tried to find answers, got into fights with him… but all along I knew it. Nothing changed. It was all predictable.

I’ve come to learn that it’s not always a matter of getting to that secret garden so much as how much time does it take you to get there? We can act on what we already know is true by trusting ourselves or we can mistrust ourselves, deny reality, and drag it out for as long and as painfully as we can endure, until the relationship crumbles.

Nice video.

[Reply]

Renee Reply:
March 9th, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Hi A….hm, that’s interesting. It’s easy to get stuck there in the maze, because going through the period where a man is pulling away isn’t easy for many of us.

Like you say, denial is an easy option.

Dealing with a man pulling away effectively is simply counter-intuitive for us women.

-XxX-

[Reply]