Learning to be Open – How to Open Up to Love…
Most of us have at least small difficulties in opening up to people. Sometimes it can be hard to even know how to open up. But like many things in life, it’s hard, but it’s worth doing. In fact, the rewards can be astonishing.
This is one of the single mot important posts on this blog. Please give it the time and attention it deserves, because if you do not feel like you can open your heart, either to friends, family, but especially to a man (or your man, if you have one), then nothing else will fall in to place.
Admittedly, it may be harder for you to open your heart, body, mind and soul to a man than it is to open your heart to your children, your parents, close friends and family.
In your intimate relationship, it will always be harder. With your children, you have control (at least until a certain age). But in your intimate relationships, you have no control. You have influence at best. You also don’t have control when it comes to friends and family. But an intimate relationship is where ALL your fears come out. It is one of life’s biggest challenges. Probably the biggest. It depends on who you speak to.
Relationships magnify emotion. That’s why they can be so exhilarating, yet agonizing. Often at the same time. Oxy-moronic I know, but we all know that some of our happiest moments are also our most painful moments. (read my article about how to deal with loneliness)
The blockage from past hurts
Being open can be terrifying. If you have ever been hurt, and lost trust, then you may find it hard to open fully and to let a man full of direction enter you. Even if it has nothing to do with him.
Some women have been cheated on, on their husband had an affair. Perhaps a man has lied to you before. Perhaps you were assaulted or taken advantage of. Some women who have been raped by a man for example, obviously have trouble learning to trust a man again.
Sometimes, our relationship with our father affects our consequent tendency (or lack of tendency) to open up. Our fathers are our first and earliest source of masculine energy, and often, if we are unable to trust our fathers, or are hurt by them, we tend to also lose trust in others. Especially men.
A mother, too, depending on how great a mother she is/was, can cause you to shut down, and close up. Our relationship with our parents is so important. It’s unfortunate that some parents actually cause their children more damage than good. (read my article about having too much baggage)
And if you lost trust with a parent, or a best friend, or a girlfriend or spouse, we can close up, and this tendency to close our hearts gathers momentum, so much so that we may even forget to know how or more importantly, the why, to open to a man.
This post is not about giving a man sex. It’s about giving to yourself. And to the people who mean the most to you. What is more important than our relationships??
The feminine either opens or it closes. It invites, or it shuts down.
Find a man who is worthy of your trust
Few men are truly worthy of your trust. Is he distracted by feminine radiance? Is he distracted, or taken off-course by YOUR feminine radiance and beauty? It’s fine for a man to appreciate feminine radiance, or just feminine energy in general, but by losing direction I mean; does he compromise his life direction and sense of purpose for feminine radiance and beauty? Is he easily ‘powerless’ to the charms of a feminine woman? Does he seek approval from the attention, love and acceptance of women? If he does, he is likely to cause you to trust him less. Not all the time, it all depends on the circumstances.
And it’s not so much about him getting distracted – it’s more that us women tend to intuitively not trust a man who seeks approval and validation from an attractive woman. Even if you want to trust him, it is against your intuition.
It’s fine for any of us to be grateful for, and enjoy, others appreciating us or praising us, but relying on it is a whole other world. Especially in a man’s case. The men who have lived and left a strong legacy, and who are trustworthy are the men who didn’t wait for the right time, the approval of the people around him, or women.
Given that few men are worthy of your full trust, when you DO find one, or if you DO already have one, it’s essential to feel it in your body, and know how to be open to him.
If you are not, you’ll just alienate yourself from him and the relationship. And as soon as a man feels a woman’s lack of trust in him, it changes the dynamics. It also affects attraction. The masculine has a very strong, and real need to be trusted.
If you don’t believe me, sign up to our email updates (via the little red box at the bottom of this post) and you’ll get access to a number of Free interviews with real men, where you’ll discover that the issues of trust (in them) is regularly mentioned.
The meaning of being open
To be truly feminine around a man who is worthy really means to open your heart in love to him even when you feel like closing it down. In many moments, this is going to be excruciatingly painful and scary. But to grow, this is necessary.
How to open up
So this all begs the question: HOW do I open my heart? How do I know how to open up?
Right now I want you to do this:
Feel what it would be like to open fully to a worthy man. How would you be breathing right now, moving right now, if your body was being entered by a man who is full of love for you? Where would your hands be? How would you stand? Or sit? What sounds would you be making? Where would you hold your arms, if you were to let a man of integrity enter in to you and to take you and love you beyond your wildest imagination?
To be loved as much as your heart’s deepest desire, you have to open yourself to love, and love in return. Open your heart even when your memories from the past guard you. There may have been many men who were not worthy of your trust. But there will be one who is. And if you’re fortunate, you may have been able to trust all the men you have been with.
And every time you feel like closing down – yet feel your man’s longing for intimacy with you, his advances towards you – choose first to understand him. And then understand yourself, and realize your full capacity as a feminine woman to open fully and unguarded to him.
Again, it doesn’t have to be sex. But the more you open, and the more you are in sync with your man, the less you will want to resist him. IF he is worthy of you as a woman.
The greatest gift a woman can be given by a worthy man is to be polarized by his masculine energy of direction, integrity and passion. This makes it easy for you to go in to your feminine core again.
The problem is, that if you have a man who is more in his feminine, you’ll be depolarized, and you’ll be forced to find your way, and make your own direction. To lead yourself – and you’ll probably even find yourself leading the relationship. And the less loved and appreciated you feel, the more you’ll want to retreat; to close off your deepest source of love, and your deepest desire for love and intimacy.
And, I’m not going to lie, women are great leaders. Sometimes you’ll have to, even if and when it feels unnatural to you. If you’re a part of the corporate world, you’ll be doing it at work all day. But in relationship, you need to allow yourself to be polarized. See my post on depolarization to learn more.
The less you feel a man’s direction, the more you’ll want to do your best to lead yourself. And him. And everything else This is the exact position many women are in today. But by opening, by being inviting, you’ll invite and encourage more of his presence and masculinity.
And in turn, feel your own freedom.
It’s always your choice
Being open is not just physical. It’s a spiritual thing. And to be spiritually open, you must first choose to. In any given moment, it is your choice. Your loss or your gain. And, if you are in a habit of closing down; if you are really good at closing down, chances are, you won’t open up. You’re probably too used to shutting down. It’s become a habit that is ingrained in to your body. But this is your challenge. You CAN open up, you just have to lead yourself, and not wait for the ‘right’ moment!! There IS no right moment! Only now.
To know the value of opening up to intimacy, trust and love, you have to focus on the positives of actually BEING open. Focus – visually, emotionally, mentally – on WHATEVER it takes to make you associate more PLEASURE with opening up than PAIN.
Strong intimate relationships are built when both man and woman are able to open up. And be vulnerable.
Advanced steps for an open woman
Ask yourself these questions:
1) What is my decision not to open up costing me right NOW?
2) What is my lack of openness costing my relationship?
3) What has my refusal to open up cost me in the PAST?
4) What is something positive about my refusal to open up in the past? In what ways has this served me well?
for example: was your decision not to open up actually a way of caring for others? Were you trying to not burden others with your full self; raw emotions and all? Did it protect you from someone who severely abused you?
5) Now focus on the positives of your lack of openness, and apply this positive aspect to your decision to BE open instead. For example, you can, conversely, show your care, trust and faith for others by being open. Especially your man. But you have to know this.
For example, if you didn’t open up in order to protect yourself from somebody who was hurting you – know that it’s OK to close up to those who aren’t worthy of your trust. But it’s your responsibility to open up to those who are worth it. You can still choose to close down to people who have bad intentions.
Know that, in the past, your tendency to not be open has served you well, in some ways. It has protected you in some way from something harmful. But mostly, you’ll find it has done your relationships more damage than good.
Do you have the courage and strength to open to your man; so as to allow him more incredible bliss, ecstasy and happiness than he has ever had the privilege to experience, by being with you?
You know men want more than just sex (yes, there are some men who want a lower level of sexual experience, and do it solely for the purpose of orgasm and physical pleasure. They can do it divorced from love. But most men want more than that). A man actually DOES want to experience deep connection with you. Make it true for yourself. Prove to yourself and others that it’s not just about the sex.
Intimacy between a man and a woman can lead to incredible healing. You deserve that, and so does your man. The dance of the yin and the yang – the masculine and the feminine – is such an enriching life experience. Most people who have felt real attraction know that nothing compares.
The challenge is to open further, when you feel the least loved. Not by taking bad treatment, but by giving more. The feminine has the most amazing capacity to open to, and give love. Use it. It is a gift to everybody.
When you’re alone, you can spend the time to work on yourself. It doesn’t have to take long. Put on some music that changes your state. Or meditate, if that’s your thing. See, I don’t use drugs or alcohol to feel something (we’re all doing something to get a feeling). I use music, video, and food (natural food). When I feel unhappy or closed, and feel like retreating but know it’s not serving me or my relationships, I listen to soulful music that drowns my body in freedom, energy and happiness.
Enigma and Era are musical geniuses that are sure to have something in store for you. Their music is the best I know for bringing you to freedom and openness. Take these two music videos for example. You can dance to it, open your arms, smile, sway, and just enjoy it.
You can just try any music you know will inspire you. But not cause you to wallow in depression, but music that inspires you to be free and open. There’s plenty of music out there. You know what works for you.
You don’t want to listen to any ‘cut your wrists’ songs though.
What do you think about this post? Feel free to leave a comment if you haven’t said hi yet, I love hearing from you! Have you got any advice for women who are struggling to be open again after being hurt? Do you think there are positives to being open?