Find out…Are Men Intimidated By You? Or Are They Simply Not Attracted to You?

I remember several years ago, being about 20 years old, and I was out with a group of girlfriends. None of the men seemed interested in me. At least not compared to the number of men who were interested in my friends.  I felt devastated. The men seemed interested in my girlfriends, but not me. I couldn’t figure it out. Not that I was trying to actually figure it out; I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

One can’t get clarity when they are feeling sorry for themselves.

On this particular night, one nice young man did come up to me and introduce himself. He asked what I was doing with myself. I said: “I’m studying Law.” Which I was.

And I’ll never forget his reaction. He pulled his head right back and stepped away from me, taking one step back, literally. And he said ‘oh’. ‘Woah. Ok.’ From that day on, I noticed that whenever I told men this, this particular reaction was not uncommon at all.

At the time I secretly smiled. Heh, finally, I feel some sort of power in my life – I’m doing a LAW degree and you can’t compare to that!

I remember walking away from that club where I was at, and weeks later, started to tell myself the boring story about how men don’t want to be in a relationship with me because they were intimidated by me. I was actually totally clueless, because it was none of that. It wasn’t even that I was ‘successful’. It wasn’t that I actually intimidated men.

The reality is that attraction occurs when there is polarity.

Polarity happens when there is opposite energies, it didn’t have to be that way, it is just how it is in our universe.

Looking back, I now realise that it wasn’t that men were intimidated and THAT is why they didn’t or couldn’t be in a relationship with me.

It was that there was no room to be in a relationship with me.

They had no perceived positive rewards for their efforts to court me, because I put out a tonne of masculine energy.

It was that I walked around, living my life from this place of thinking that my worth came from being career minded and successful. And that became a habit; so much so that when I spoke to men, my body was tight, I wasn’t trusting, I was fully set on directing my own life.

Nothing wrong with that, right? Of course not.

And yet – it pushed the better men away, because I didn’t need their direction.

I wasn’t soft, I was hard and trying to just be enough.

I bought in to the false idea that ‘men commit to women who are better; women who are achievers’ – which leads to the reality that:

When we think this way, we will always be insecure

As women, our appeal to men in a relationship has nothing to do with how much we achieve; it has everything to do with our soul; and our heart as a woman. It has everything to do with  how kind, loyal and feminine we show up. (Click here to take the quiz “How Feminine Am I Actually”)

Achievements for appeal in a commitment relationships are for men; men compete with each other to achieve more and therefore gain more status. Because we all secretly know unconsciously that women trade up and compare men all the time. As Jada Pinkett says: ‘no woman wants a man other women don’t want’.

In other words, women go for the man with the most status they feel they can get. We choose the best man we believe we are worthy of.

Why we need to question our statements of ‘men are intimidated by me’.

If men are intimidated by us, fine.

But if we keep that story in our heads…then we are simply avoiding facing the fake stories we tell ourselves and other possible realities.

Realities such as:

1) Because we spend so much energy directing ourselves in our career and life, in other words – using this masculine energy in ourselves….a man can’t be attracted to us because we’ve already put out so much masculine energy in the world. There’s NOTHING wrong with using our masculine. But when we go in to the dating world assuming that our worth comes from this; well, we don’t get to complain that men aren’t attracted to us and that there are no good men. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man? “)

2) Or the other fake story we often tell ourselves: that…we prefer living with the internal story in our minds of ‘they’re intimidated by me’ than feeling with our deep, inner yearning in our heart and body for a fully directed man to enter our life.

The One Truth I discovered..

Here is an inconvenient truth. 

When we women say; ‘men don’t court me because they’re intimidated by me’…

Men actually just weren’t attracted to us. It doesn’t mean we AREN’T attractive; it just means that we didn’t show up that way in the eyes of men.

I hear women saying to me: ‘but, men are intimidated by beautiful women!! It’s true!’

I say ‘so?’ why not be more approachable then, if we really value relationship and connection and opening to a man? You can always wear a sloppy item of clothing and dull your attractiveness on the outside – but that wouldn’t change your inner radiance and would make you actually more approachable.

It depends whether we value the tired old ‘stories’ in our heads about men or whether we value bringing the kind of value to the table that men SEE as value for a long term relationship.

I’m well aware that for a strong woman in her 30s who is finding it difficult to find and meet a good man who is not a jerk can feel disillusioned. Angry. Hurt. Sad. Pissed. Humiliated.

There’s a lot of pain and humiliation surrounding not finding a man for most women in this world. We just try to cover it up with stupid stories like:

‘Men are intimidated by me’.

‘There aren’t enough good men in my town.”

“There’s a shortage of men in my town.”

No. None of those things are ever true. But we have to survive somehow; and to SURVIVE, we have to tell ourselves an internal story that makes us feel good enough that we can walk out the door in the morning and actually live our lives.

Are Men Actually Intimidated by You?

So, are men intimidated by you? Mostly not. Maybe in the corporate world where they’re not thinking about dating you.

Even if they are intimidated by you, that usually only counts for a small percentage of the reason why they are not wanting a relationship with you.

And even if they are, what does it matter? How is men being intimidated by you even relevant to your love life? What matters is whether men are attracted to you or not for a relationship. So WHY are we really focusing on the silly story of ‘oh yeah well men are just INTIMIDATED BY ME!’.

Simply because we feel sad and hurt that we are alone. And instead of feeling our pain, and feeling our oneness with everyone’s else’s pain – people who also share our pain because they are human – we decide it’s more important to have a ‘cool identity’ and the idea that we are so important and significant that oh my gosh, men can’t even date us because we are so crash hot and so much like a super woman.

Attraction is the thing that lights up his life and lights up yours.

THIS really means that to get in to a relationship; we need to uncover the mask we wear of ‘being intimidating’ to men and reveal our true spontaneous, alive, and innocent feminine self inside. Of course, provided we are feminine inside; which is most of us.

I believe that our BS – ing  ourselves with a story about men being intimidated by us only closes us down to men further, and makes you a smaller and smaller woman with less and less love in her life. I know this because I have been there and felt it. It feels awful. It took me ages to learn that my own silly story was destroying my ‘light’ as some weird new-agey people might describe it! (poking fun here).

The Honesty that is REQUIRED for you to find ANY Man…

But what if this kind of honesty with yourself is required for you to find a loving relationship?

I want to ask you today to have the courage to be honest with yourself, instead of remaining a small woman for the rest of your life. I want you to feel the power that comes with being incredibly feminine and attractive; and not falling for the silly ideal that you have to be masculine to be worthy in this world. No.

You could have failed school and many men would love you (perhaps more men than you think).

You could be a bimbo and men will love you for it.

You could be a stay at home mom and be provided for financially fully by your husband, and while other women are seething, HATING you for having this apparent fortune, your man adores you to bits.

It’s other WOMEN and dishonest men who perpetuate these myths about what you have to be in order to be enough for everyone in this world. And by the way, these women are acting from their fears. They’re not necessarily showing up as open, loving women, they’re women who are feeling disillusioned but too scared to feel their fears; because facing our fears is more painful and harder than ignoring them.

Nobody loves you for being successful, for being intimidating, or for being more ‘powerful’ in society than other people are. That’s the silly illusion that we’ve all fallen for at certain times in our lives.

The Price you pay for telling yourself that men are intimidated by you..

If we don’t tell ourselves the truth, we have a far HIGHER price to pay: the price that comes with regret. Regret about pushing men away and valuing our stores instead. Regret about not being as vulnerable and open to a relationship as other women were.

But mostly, regret about being a liar. Regret that it’s us who has to look at ourselves in the mirror and suffer through what we wish we had done or had not done. See this article on why men pull away.

Here is the price we pay for telling yourself the BS story that men are intimidated by us:

1) We will never actually become more attractive. Instead, we stay closed and guarded which will repel more and more men away from you.

2) We don’t get to feel the power that comes with being able to attract any man you want.

3) We may never have our own children (if you want your own children, then this could be a huge and urgent worry for you).

4) We will never grow, instead we will remain closed, guarded and eventually, totally bitter.

Men are attracted to Femininity, not Success…

Men are men. Most of them are proportionally more masculine in relationships. Which means they are attracted to femininity. And that is emotionally attracted to femininity as well as physically attracted to femininity. (See article on what is femininity and how to become feminine)

What am I getting at here? What’s the ‘answer’ in all this?

The answer is that even if we did a law degree, even if we run our own business; the truth and the ‘story’ we want to tell ourselves if we are courageous enough to admit that we WANT a man, is that there’s a reason why we don’t have one.

In the context of this article, it’s because we value our own significance more than we do a relationship.

Did you also notice, I didn’t say “you are not pretty enough.”

I didn’t say: “men don’t think you are sexy”, they probably do think you’re sexy. It’s not hard to be sexy to most men. Sexy is easy to come by.

I am talking about men not being attracted to us. Which is a totally different thing. Attraction is a gut feeling; it’s NOT a judgement.

See, when I say men aren’t attracted to you, do you feel rejected?

If you do, that might be because you think there’s no hope, and that men are judging you. They’re not. They just don’t feel attracted to you. And that’s just their FEELING. Nothing more.

The good news is, men are always responding to WOMEN. They’re responding to YOU. Which means, how you show up in the dating market is crucial. If you’re always showing up as the ‘sexy, successful’ woman; then men will want sex, but not commit to you.

It’s important to tell yourself the truth and acknowledge that, unlike what other women would have you believe; LOOKS aren’t important; but ATTRACTION is, when it comes to finding a man. And ANY woman can be attractive; she just has to be feminine. Dark and light; whatever she wants to be. The missing ingredient in any case is still ATTRACTION and being ATTRACTIVE to men.

What’s the real reason men seem turned off?

Did you wonder why, in my above story, the men backed off when I said I was studying Law?

If you were, great!

I was a Hard Woman, not a Soft Woman…

The answer is NOT because I did a Law degree. It’s because of my energy. And my energy is what is behind what I said. It’s the way I said it, and the way I go about meeting my needs every day of my life.

Is it any wonder men don’t approach me? My energy put out intensity. My vibe was that was that of a hard woman, wearing masks to cover up her attractive natural energy. How could men be attracted to me? Much less approach me and want a relationship with me?

Back then, I thought my worth was in my achievements.

Now, let me just say, doing this is not wrong: you can choose to put out ANY energy you want. You can turn yourself in to a man if you want, and there would be nothing wrong with that at all. It really just depends on what you want in your life.

To guide you through what I’ve finally come to learn myself, I’ve put together the 17 Attraction Triggers that guarantee to get any man’s blood boiling. Some of these triggers are primal, sexual, some of them are emotional. They will help you feel closer to your true self, your true core and feel more feminine and attractive. Here’s the link to 17 Attraction Triggers.

Finally, I’m very interested in hearing your opinion on all of this. What are your thoughts? In fact, what is your true experience of dealing with men out there in the big wide world? Do you agree or disagree? Share in the comments section below so that other women can also learn from you!”

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Amanda T
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Amanda T

I am 6ft tall woman. I find many men see me more like a friend. Then some guys will use it as a conversation starter “how tall are you?” I have to say “Oh I dont know” and smile. In the past I have said the truth, and they say “no, I am 6ft, and we arent the same height.” They usually get angry at me, and Im not making up stories. I was so self conscious about my height, I know exactly how Tall I am. I’d love to wear heals, because In my heart I am very feminine.… Read more »

Sue
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Sue

I am a feminine woman, yet men seem to rarely even notice me at all. I am friendly, flirtatious in a good way, dress well in either dresses or pants and a feminine blouse, some light makeup. Most of all I am genuine and being my true self. I am also physically visually impaired and use a white cane, this alone turns most men off and makes me unapproachable. Sure they will ask if I need any help with anything and I do accept their offer for help, but for actually being attracted to me? No. I do consider myself… Read more »

Samantha Derrick
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Samantha Derrick

I dont agree
men are INTIMIDATED by beautifulw omen, there are sometimes men who state but can not approach a woman.I have even spoken to these men and they tell me thre are many isntances they see a beautiful women but they think she is “out of theri league”

John
Guest
John

I’m sorry, but I can’t take your comment seriously because of the spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. But it is ironic that you used the word “omen” for women, since women with your attitude are a seriously bad omen!

Really, have something to be intimidating about before you go claiming you intimidate men. Your intellect certainly isn’t intimidating.

n4mel3ss
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n4mel3ss

If a woman is good-looking, there are 2 reasons why men won’t show much interest: 1. She looks unapproachable. Maybe she looks standoff-ish. Maybe looks like she doesn’t give a damn – emotionless/bored face. 2. She can’t/won’t hold a conversation. One-word answers, like she doesn’t wanna talk. Doesn’t show any clear signs of interest. Or she’s so shy she can barely talk, and then the man has nothing to work with. Or she’s hard to talk to, because she has nothing in common with the man. Or she’s just a boring person. I’m not sure how this fits into the… Read more »

lamrof
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lamrof

Also, remember that men today are not sex starved anymore. Porn is not a multibillion dollar business for no reason. The escort business is not so successful for no reason these days. Men travel to a different city to make a call in backpage and then lay a prostitute. It’s much easier for men to get sex, so we do not walk around with a hardon for a woman anymore. Did anyone consider what impact this might have? I know I have done it. I see a gorgeous woman in starbucks with her laptop and earphone looking too busy to… Read more »

lamrof
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lamrof

For those of us who noticed it, there is a big difference in attitude between women in the US and other parts of the world. Guys in my circle always talk about it, women in other parts of the world show femininity more naturally and so stir strong emotions in men.

rosie
Guest
rosie

It sounds like you’re saying pretty women have to look less attractive so they don’t intimidate men? What? Of course not! A woman can dress however she likes and the right man won’t feel inferior.

Suzuki35
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Suzuki35

the men who respond here aren’t even the men any women want… why are they here? rejected or something?

Suzuki35
Guest
Suzuki35

all these articles on all sides mean well but they each serve to make me wish I wasn’t even human,let alone female.. the species itself.. all this stuff about needing to seem soft and helpless and YIKES needing “direction” from a man is ..well…vomitous… but for women who want a man and want to stay in the game..of ‘humanity’ and how it works.. have at it……but its why im on the side of “no male or female in Christ” and “unless you enter heaven as a little child you will In no wise enter” and “you must be born again… Read more »

Love
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Love

Then you are out of touch!! Read a newspaper sometime unless you think that men have all of a sudden mysteriously become less smart or less capable. And please, may I remind you that as you turn your nose up at this, you are communicating on device, in a house or building or car, etc., most likely invented and built by men. We weren’t so stupid when we built and gave you all most of the modern conveniences in the world to make you feel so empowered that you now feel so superior to us men.

Love
Guest
Love

Okay!!! Feminists have zeroed in on Rene and as usual they are condescending, rude, self righteous, superior, intolerant, and obnoxious!!! And yes, I mean: Ginna Elda, Selena and “Alex” Et, Al. Also, as we usually see with feminists such as these they are always right and give themselves the right to tell others what to do and not do and tell them they’re WRONG because they are like G. W. Bush, “the decider”; they are the new “deciders” or maybe it’s just because they feel so inadequate and don’t understand why the world doesn’t choose them as its one and… Read more »

Emily
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Emily

Wow this article is really sad. I couldn’t even read to the end. This article totally feeds into the patriarchal bullshit that women have fought so hard to overcome. It’s no secret that some men are intimidated by powerful women. Not because we aren’t “soft” or feminine enough, but because they are insecure in their own perceived masculinity and feel like it will degrade their position as the “superior” sex. Utter bullshit. Any man worth your time will love the fact that you are successful and confident within yourself. He won’t give a shit if you act in a way… Read more »

Love
Guest
Love

That what we said! You missed the point.

John
Guest
John

Yes you clearly missed the point, and you are blinded by the lie that is 3rd wave feminism. Have you ever been tempted to become friends with someone who attacks you at every turn and acts as if you’re an enemy? Well, that explains how men feel about women like you. Now I’m all in favor of women making their own choices, but you will never escape the results of your choices. I hope you’ve reconciled the fact that men aren’t attracted to you. If so good for you – you’ve reached your goal!

Mickii_B2
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Mickii_B2

This article is tragically sexist. Success, ambition, and drive are not synonymous to masculine, just as nurturing, caregiving, and kindness aren’t synonymous to feminine. What kind of bs? Ladies, you do NOT have to dull yourself to be appealing to any man. If he’s worth your time, he’ll be up for the challenge. If you want to be successful, have a wonderful career and be proud of taking charge of your life (and the world), do it. If a man is intimidated by that, it’s his problem, not yours. Don’t lower your standards, have them raise theirs.

European Minorities
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European Minorities

Ginna, are you a lesbian? You mention you are masculine. Why do women think being masculine is attractive? As a man, if I want a bloke I will get one. I am looking for a woman. What’s wrong with being ‘successful and feminine’? Don’t be one of the men. Renee, you are spot on with the article. Majority of us men would like a feminine partner, not a masculine one. Not sure what twaddle feminists have been filling women’s heads these days, but they need to seriously stop taking advice from the movement. We also want a mother for our… Read more »

disqus_bh1TKa64AF
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disqus_bh1TKa64AF

As a guy I can say for me it’s 100% intimidation. I’ve only ever asked a girl out once and that was when I was 15. She said yes(she really meant no but didn’t want to reject me to my face) so she just started ignoring me when I tried to set up a date after that point. Felt beyond humiliated and since then just haven’t had the courage to approach women. Now I’m 22 and still haven’t changed. I think I’m pretty attractive cause I’ve always been complimented on my face and hair since I was a kid and… Read more »

Love
Guest
Love

You sound easily intimidated. Fall off a horse? Get back on one!

disqus_bh1TKa64AF
Guest
disqus_bh1TKa64AF

Easier said then done unfortunately.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Guest
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

“I have a lot of guys and men liking me for being successful and masculine. ”

Sure, but are you happily married to one of them?

Amina Ummsulaym
Guest
Amina Ummsulaym

Renee, you are really generous.. thankyou for sharing.💮💮💮

LIza Fernandez
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LIza Fernandez

Let’s face it — there is no foolproof way to get every man to fall madly in love with you. However, many men have the same needs when it comes to looking for the right woman, so there are countless tricks for catching the eye of almost any man. Are you looking for some concrete steps for turning the heads of many a man, or just hoping to attract a man you’ve had your eye on? Either way, these tips can go a long way in helping you to achieve your goals. Watch this video http://bit.ly/1Ne0rS5 it really helped me… Read more »

Tia Peterson
Guest

I completely agree and what’s so difficult about this one is admitting that someone is just not attracted to you. I don’t get why other women perpetuate this belief.

It can be hard for women who were raised by single moms to get this one, because we’re very much used to putting out masculine energy just to survive.

Kat
Guest
Kat

My issue is my mom, friends, family, coworkers etc say I’m pretty…yet every man I’ve been involved with has treated me like crap. It’s really a weird situation. I look in the mirror sometimes and really rip myself apart. I know it’s not right to do that but what else am I supposed to do? It’s been almost 2 years since I last dated. My ex treated me like crap and watched other women while were out all the time. Or he would compare me to them. I’ve had other men do that to me also. I’m afraid to date… Read more »

Troy
Guest
Troy

First off, pretty doesn’t guarantee you much. Women get too caught in physical appearance and that’s understandable. Pretty makes most guys want to have sex with you but sex isn’t intertwined with love for men. Mostly, it’s just sex.Secondly, I don’t want to seem as if I’m attacking you however a more positive attitude would help and here’s how. If you expect a man to treat you a certain way you’ll end up subconsciously screwing yourself. You put yourself in a mental frame where you LOOK for the negative you expect so a harmless joke turns into an attack you… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

I agree. The playing hard to get and shy routines only last for a short time. Be bold and approach men if they won’t come to you. I did and now I’m married (happily) 🙂

Love
Guest
Love

Now that’s a woman!!!

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