Article updated 2018

First of all, why do you want to be charming? Here are just a few reasons…

Men are five times more likely to fall in love with a woman who is charming than not.

You suddenly become way more desirable and attractive in men’s eyes when you embody your own inner charms. (And yes, we can all have feminine charm)

People around you will be much nicer to you if you show up to be a “charming” girl.

That’s right…Charm… Oh so easy to want, but oh! Not-so-easy to acquire! To be charming requires a change in mindset. It’s not like I can actually give you action steps to follow and it will then all fall in to place. No, no no! 🙂

To become charming, you can follow actions steps, but what is important is the psychology of a charming woman. Just take a moment and visualize a woman whom you think is charming. Can you think of one? It can be a famous lady or it could be someone you know – a good friend. Perhaps your best friend. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

It could be a man. Some men are really good at being charming. Although, I tend to associate charisma more with men, and charm more with women. What do you think?

You probably admire how effortlessly charming this woman/man seems. Charm seems like a quality out-of-reach for many, much like charisma. It’s known as a quality a lucky few are “blessed” with. Almost like a God-given talent. But it’s not. You’re probably already charming and you don’t even know it! But it’s good to at least be aware of what works.

What is Charm?

Charm is defined as a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty; any action supposed to have magical power; to delight or please greatly by beauty; attractiveness; enchant.

At a very basic level, all humans have it in them to please, be attractive to and enchant other human beings. Any woman can have a magical effect on her friends, her husband or boyfriend, and relatives. Because at some level, we are all the same. We all have an unsaid and unseen understanding, in one way or another (even though we, unfortunately, tend to segregate people in society). We all have the same basic human needs, and we all experience pain and pleasure of some sort; even though we are all clearly so different.

And even though other people may seem like they don’t understand you, and sometimes we seem like we humans are worlds apart; we all have that magical power within us.

And why is charm important anyway? Well, you will see in the steps I give below, but charm is incredibly important in life because it allows you to connect with anyone and everyone a little deeper than just the ‘basic’, dreary pleasantries and superficial conversation. It endears you to others, thereby creating a deeper connection and allowing you more influence.

Not only this, but it attracts people to you – men, women and children alike. Being charming allows you to bring people joy, ecstasy, laughter, fun and to touch their lives in a special, exciting way. (Click here to learn the 17 Attraction Triggers)

And for you? Well, being charming will help you become a very memorable woman; friend, colleague, lover, mother, daughter, and member of society. All the shapes of woman you can think of.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

So here are 8 keys that will show you how to become charming:

1) See the humor in things

Not everything has to be taken seriously. If you are always stressed, your magical effect will definitely be suffering. If you laugh at yourself, others will think it’s ok to be themselves around you, and that they won’t be judged and made to feel less around you.

Just let go, be free and really laugh. If you have a funny or odd laugh, so be it. That makes you even funnier. 🙂

If someone says “you’re weird”, have a laugh about it! Chuckle and say “I know”. After all, everybody is weird. If you’re not weird or ‘different’ in some way, you’re boring.

Sometimes, the key to seeing the humor in things is to be in a humorous, light-hearted, happy mood to start with.

If you’re expecting visitors, or if your boyfriend or husband is due home, and you feel miserable (but must get your mood up for the sake of the people you care about), perhaps you could think of a funny video you can watch on YouTube that you know will always change your state and put you in to a good spirit.

Have some songs, or a few articles/videos tucked away in your bookmarks (sign up to delicious.com for a really easy, Free, and simple bookmarking service), or keep them in your memory. Here are a couple of videos that change my state, get me smiling and get me rolling on the floor laughing in no time:

2) Don’t try to please everyone

And don’t obsess over whether this or that person is upset with you/dislikes you. Easier said than done (at least for me anyway).  The more you worry about these things, the less you will endear yourself to others. Because you’re really just focusing on yourself (in a bad way). (read my article about

This sucks energy from others, rather than allowing your magnetic and magical abilities to flow. A charming woman has the ability to move on when necessary. Again, easier said than done. But so worth the effort!

Instead, focus on using the power that you do have. You can influence others with good intentions, and you can care more. Ultimately, that’s one of the best options. The more you worry about their thoughts about you, the more you become a leech and a burden on their life.

Life is really, really short. You don’t have the TIME to obsess over other people’s thoughts about you.

Everybody is already judging you anyway. People are always making judgments about you! So be it. Can you control this? Hell, no! Well, some may think that if they keep obsessing over it, they might eventually be doing the ‘right’ thing. You cannot do the ‘right thing’ by others all the time.

Sometimes, you may just happen to annoy people accidentally. It happens to everybody. No-one is immune to this!

For some, no matter WHAT you do, they’ll just choose to hate you anyway. And it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.

In effect, if you don’t want to be judged, just do nothing! Strive for nothing! Be nothing, and think nothing. Just be completely useless! But guess what, people will judge you for that, too!! Surprise! 🙂

If you know other people’s judgments ultimately don’t make a difference to what you do, then you’re well on your way to becoming charming. Granted, people say hurtful things, and it’s ok to be upset – but it’s really all about not getting so caught up in your own need to be ‘accepted’. These kinds of people are not charming. They’re more likely to be a turn-off.

3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher

Bounce back on the level of others. Don’t be a drag, What do I mean? I mean, when you meet someone at a social event or wherever you meet people, and you’re having a conversation, be present and keep the energy up and going between the both of you.

Don’t get too caught up in your own judgments of others and their views that you can’t even carry on a conversation with them and continue being present.

Bouncing back on other people’s level also means to mirror them (copy their facial expressions and mannerisms), and influence them with your energy (this can also be feminine energy of course) :). If they’re excited, be excited for them. If they’re upset, judge the situation – maybe it’s better to show sympathy. Go with your instincts.

If they say something that seems weird to you, that’s not in your way of thinking – just accept it and keep the energy up. Ask them about it; try to understand.

To be charming, magical and endearing, you have to be able to make people feel like you are like them; that you’re a friend.

4) See the good in things

Think; where’s the GOOD in this? What can I do right NOW that will make me feel free and lighten up? What would I need to think, believe, feel or do right NOW, to begin seeing the good side of this situation?

Feeling depressed can be overwhelming, and sometimes you’d rather jump off a tall building than continue on, but there’s always something good in everything. There’s always something that you can learn.

By the way, a pessimist is not charming. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

5) Be present

Whenever you meet, engage with, or see someone, maintain eye contact. Listen and be attentive. Avoid “fidgeting”.

And don’t stare into space. Have you ever been saying something to someone, and they look like they are off in space, and you feel like a bit of a donkey for speaking whilst no-one is listening?

And then only to become MORE annoyed when you say “you’re not listening” and they say, “yes I was!” and when you ask them “OK, well, what did I just say?” and though they’re able to say back to you exactly what you just said, you KNOW they weren’t really listening; it was just that they managed to somehow yank your words out of their memory and regurgitate them to you?

By the way, people are able to do this due to a thing known as the phonological loop, a part of the brain that takes whatever is coming into your ears, and it plays it over and over again for a few seconds in your head after you hear it. 🙂 ta da! There you have it. An ability to regurgitate what you didn’t truly listen to. (read my article about the difference between listening and not talking)

But don’t do this! A lack of presence negates charm. Again; maintain eye contact, listen and be attentive.

6) Acknowledge and understand that there are 2 types of charm and charisma within you, and engage people

Choose wisely.

A great woman who is confident in herself can utilize both of these with ease, without dampening people’s spirits.

The first type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing solely on others.

The second type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing on yourself.

Think about it. Haven’t you met someone who was really into themselves, that would rarely sit down and listen to YOU, but they seemed to be charming anyway? Something about them endeared you to them, and perhaps it was a friend of yours who wasn’t such a good friend – but you were repeatedly enticed into the friendship again and again? (you don’t want to be this kind of friend, but the example is there to show you that you can still be charismatic through a focus on yourself).

The key is knowing how to do it without being a downer. A drag of a person.

Admittedly, great charm comes from a focus on others. But a truly charming woman has the ability to be both without trying to prove anything to anybody.

She is confident in who she is, and isn’t trying to convince you of anything or sell herself to you.

Why can someone who’s focused on themselves be charming? Because they still manage to engage people. They actually have a way of making people laugh (whether it be at THEM or at something/someone else). They are generally able to make people feel GOOD.

People who are able to be charming through a focus on themselves often draw you in further to them through their self-focus, and ability to make fun of themselves or intrigue you.

They’re engaging. And engaging is central to being charming.

The word ‘magical’, being a part of the definition of ‘charming’ really is a quality that someone has that makes others happy.

Be aware of the two kinds of charm, and choose wisely. One type of charm/charisma may be more useful than another type at any given time. But, just in case you think you can’t possibly consciously always think about and focus on choosing which type to utilize, you’re right.

But by being aware, and starting to act on this awareness, you’ll often find that you begin to do things subconsciously and naturally.

But ultimately, if you truly care for others, you can use either charm and be in a win-win situation. 🙂

7) Let go and be a kid

Have FUN!! Even when it’s a little taboo to have fun. Children often have a lot of charm, (when they’re in a good mood). Small children don’t care what other people think.

They’re charming because they’re innocent, addicted to adventure and fun, wide-eyed, crazy, able to just be themselves, and they’re full of energy as well as being responsive. You say ‘poop’ and they laugh their butt off! You pinch their face, and they laugh! You clap your hands, they laugh! You make a silly face, and they laugh, and laugh and laugh!

At first, you just think it’s cute, but by the end, you’re so infected with their energy that you’re laughing too! And you want to be around this baby because he or she makes you feel GOOD!

Next time you see a puddle, jump in it, instead of bitching about it. 🙂

Jump on a trampoline, make FUN a central focus of your life. Relax and let go. If you love fun, you’re charming.

8) Love your femininity

And be comfortable in being a woman. Show your feminine charm and don’t be afraid. Accentuate all the attributes that make you feminine and womanly. It’s ok to play with your hair, twist it around in your finger, pout, bite your lip, and it’s OK to delight in your new pretty skirt, and twirl it around. This doesn’t make you an airhead or a dummy, it makes you charming, especially to a man.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

If you make a mistake, just go straight back to being the woman that you are. Keep moving forward, and go right ahead and laugh at yourself. (read my article about what is love?)

Finally, some examples of women (and a few men) who I think are charming:

Goldie Hawn

Vanessa Paradis

Tyra Banks

Heidi Klum

Cameron Diaz

Julia Roberts

Clint Eastwood

Robin Williams

Sean Connery

George Clooney

Johnny Depp

SUMMARY

1) See the humor in things. Be able to laugh at yourself.

2) Stop trying to please people. When are people judging you? All the time.

3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher.

4) See the good in things

5) Be present in interaction with others

6) Acknowledge the 2 types of charm, engage people, and choose wisely.

7) Let go and be a kid – let the child in you show

8) Love your femininity, be comfortable in being a woman; accentuate your womanliness

Here’s a bonus tip… you have to know when and when not to give off too many “attraction signals” to men. Sometimes it’s charming to show no attraction triggers at all, sometimes it’s ok to show a few. You have to be the judge of that and you have to go out there to experience it for yourself.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

What do you think makes a woman charming? Do you have any examples of charming women or men? Do you want to try and learn how to be charming? 

renee-wade

P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Sharmistha BanerjeeLiaumDeepSpice9Don't Buy The Hype Recent comment authors
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DeepSpice9
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DeepSpice9

Hey thanks for the great article. I really enjoyed your insights. Paradoxically, I also enjoyed that man hating rant someone posted. I can see her point. But still, its good to be charming.

Don't Buy The Hype
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Don't Buy The Hype

How do you have the nerve to suggest that it’s women that are inadequate to please and serve and fit the fantasies of these monsters? It’s men who need to be changing. look at all the problems in this world – war, famine, poverty, greed, rape, incest, molestation, abuse, beating, torture, sex trafficking, child pornography, pedophilia, violence, guns, killings, gangs, gas lighting, cheating lying sexism. ALWAYS ITS CAUSED BY THE SAME ASSHOLE – MEN. Men all throughout history have raped beaten killed children, women, their daughters, sons, their sisters, and our children. Predators. they are the ones who are the… Read more »

um
Guest
um

Oh my god, go away with your feminist sexist bullshit. I’m a woman and i dont want to be a man like you so gtfo with your shit. this was so stupid.
tons of women rape and murder and make false accusation and are worthless bitches. Go away. men are not rapists nor assholes. you’re disgusting

Lia
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Lia

You sound like you’ve been screwed over a few times too many and I can TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, honey. Trust. I thought the same thing when I came across this blog. However, you have to keep things in prospective. For starters, most wars throughout history have been started in the name of protecting or defending the honor of a woman although fought by men. Kurukshetra War, The Trojan War, Rama and Ravana, the list goes on. Yes, male ego was part of the cause because boys don’t like to be out done but the sources were to protect women and their… Read more »

Sharmistha Banerjee
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Sharmistha Banerjee

If you can’t appreciate others at least do not comment so negatively. Being charming is not changing yourself it is just being happy, confident and loving yourself, it has nothing to do with men and pleasing men. It is just becoming a better version of who you are. There may be some reasons for your hatred but you’ll feel better if you see the positivity in everything in your life. I am happy that I am born as a woman and I can do many things which boys can’t but I do respect good and genuine people, be it women… Read more »

Ib
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Ib

Absolutely ADORE Heidi Klum!

nabhiha
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nabhiha

I agree tht Cameron Diaz is charming … i think tht some really charming personalities are Jennifer Lopez n Emma Watson n Ryan Gosling!!! 🙂

Baju Hari Raya Online
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Hello! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find
a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one?
Thanks a lot!

tess
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tess

Tyra banks is a nut, not charming at all; she’s actually quite boorish. For charm and intellect-think Thandie Newton.

joe
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joe

hi

Liline
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Liline

For sure !

Blue
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Blue

You know, I recognize a lot of this.. Many of this point I already follow when I’m in the company of my friends.. It’s only those I know know yet and those I don’t like I have some problems with.. Maybe work on 2 a bit and we can convince even the haters that I’m not so bad 🙂 so thank you.

Eeee
Guest

I just ran across this site and I absolutely love how you explain things. This article on charm is so so true.
I need to work on being on the same level of excitement as others when in conversation. I usually lose interest in conversations and it shows because I talk less or reply in one word answers like i’m tired.
I feel bad for doing this and i think it hurts some people and it does give people an impression that i’m snobbish and I do not mean to be so yea… I’ll be working on that.

Miiko
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Miiko

Lol I see now. Thanks so much Renee ^^

Renee
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Renee

@Miiko: let’s see….and example…..have you ever been around someone who likes to make fun of themselves? And tells a lot of stories about themselves, and just has a way of making it funny and engaging? I’ve known a few.

And here’s a good example:

Take Goldie Hawn in this video on youtube. She’s hilarious and makes “dumb” charming. Amazing!! 🙂 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIA1VS2bDa4

and in it, she’s focusing on herself as well as focusing on Dean (Martin). I think it’s a good example of both, whilst making her own ‘dumbness’ funny 🙂

Miiko
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Miiko

The article is very good! I still don’t get the 2nd type of charm: focusing on yourself. Maybe an example will help me? Thank you ^^

twinkle
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twinkle

I love this article as well…My mom had it but would never admit it but me and my sister did not. She was very friendly with all people. My dad was also. My mother in law had more of it though but she was stressed because her daughter was involved with a violent alcoholic that she wouldn’t give up.

stefanie
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stefanie

Ooooooh I just watched the first video, it’s so funny! One of my brothers did the same kind of thing when we were in kindergarten. He told me to hit him and he kept insisting while I kept protesting. He said “just try to hit me, you can’t even touch me anyway”. He wanted to teach me to defend myself like the sweet older brother he was. I believed I wouldn’t really be able to hurt him (I was such a gullible naive child!). Then I hit him with my fist suare in the face and I knocked out a… Read more »

stefanie
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stefanie

I so agree with the having fun part especially! I have this aunt who is just like this – everyone loves her, because she can – without making people feel not taken seriously – make a joke of everything. She will always see the good in any situation or person and always expresses confidence in people. She’s completely comfortable with who she is and she is just lovely. She told me that if she were to go into an old people’s home, she would want her wheelchair adapted to fit some cigarettes and a glass of wine and have a… Read more »

Chizzy
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Chizzy

I realy realy appriciate every thing you guys said in the article and hope to learn more from you soon.

Renee
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Renee

Thank You so much for your generous words lovelies! I always appreciate it deeply 🙂 @Xuan: Thanks for the sweet compliments! @Deborah: yes I do think it’s true that people will (ironically, as you say) like you more for your confidence. And it IS easier said than done, for me too! And I agree with you about trying new things. Being open to, and excited about all of life’s offerings makes you charming I think. @Ella: I think it’s so important to live life on your terms, rather than always trying to make others happy and please them. It can… Read more »

Amy
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Amy

Thank you SO much for this article! Wisdom that we needed to hear!

Luci
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Perfect 🙂 I liked this a lot!

Ella
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Ella

Awesome article! Sometimes we have to be reminded not to take things too seriously and to have fun and let go. I find I’m always trying to please others.. so this article was really helpful, thankyou! 🙂 Time to go do something silly..

Amanda
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Amanda

Loved loved loved this article!! I was having kind of a rough day until I read this. It really made me feel better. Thank you so much =)

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