Why Men Do Not Want to Marry

Why Men Do Not Want to Marry

How to Become the Kind of Woman Men Want to Marry

Before I begin, let me just share a few extracts taken from an anti-marriage website:

“My wife was a frigid, shrivelled b***h. Before we were married, we had plenty of sex, but as soon as we passed the six month mark after our wedding, she stopped being interested. My wife only f***s when she “feels sexy.” Translation: when I give her jewellery. She is just a withered old bag at the age of 35.”

“What security is there for men in marriage? If I cheat on my wife, she gets half my s**t. If she cheats on me, she still gets half my s**t. Why the f*** should i get married”

“We had one kid. Wife stays home, but the kid wears her out. I bust my f****** ASS 60 hrs/week and get no credit. Wife gives me guilt when I don’t throw everything down right after work to watch this screaming, annoying f****** kid so she can go out to the gym, or to some restaurant with her friends, or to her sister’s house to watch movies.

She gets to take naps during the day when the baby sleeps, and every time I call her on the cell during the day, she is at Starbucks with her Mom or friends. She says that doesn’t count as “Her time” because she’s with the baby.

I’ve had enough. I feel so undervalued and OWNED. She is so ‘entitled’ now it’s like 60 (or 70, or 80) hours a week from me is EXPECTED. Being at work from 8-7 counts as my ‘social’ time, so I am not allowed to have any friends or ever do ANYTHING outside of change F****** DIAPERS”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> MY ANSWER

Hi there :)

I hope you’re having a lovely day and I haven’t thrown you off with those comments above! Now I am sure that, even just by reading these words you can see the frustration, resentment and anger inside these men.

(Please note: whilst I acknowledge that marriage takes 2, and that men need to step up and take charge of their own actions as well – this website is for women, so I focus mainly on what can be done from the woman’s end).

It’s true; if I was a man in this day and age, I would be quite put off marriage to many of the the modern women in the Western world. Truth be told, the state of our society has done some really bad things to the balance of masculine-feminine and to the values of women and men. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

The reason why men do not marry is actually really simple. A lot of men feel that there is nothing in it for them!

And what IS in it for them when they don’t have a good woman? The fast-moving modern world that we live in has ensured that women are working longer hours, juggling more responsibilities, and progressively less able to place their men as their top priority.

In fact, most women place their children at the top of their priorities – which may seem like the best thing to do, but men can grow to resent this as their women are more fulfilled taking care of their kids than they are taking care of their men.

In the meantime, their man gets/feels neglected. Even more important – most women just have no idea how men work. They do not understand them, and most of them do not want to understand them; they’re too busy attending to their other tasks or priorities – in other words, themselves.

However, just as you want to be understood; so does your man! It’s important to not be a man-hater, or a man-basher and stop putting everything down to “Men just want sex”. This is not always true, and true love does exist.

How to become marriage material

So how do you become the kind of woman men want to marry? I will give some strategies below:

- Stop thinking of yourself.

Spend 60 days taking responsibility for your man’s needs and seeing things from his perspective, no matter how hard things are for you. If you do this, he may be more receptive to your needs and you will most likely get him in a different state; a state where you can bring up the topic of your needs with him.

- Understand him, and how he works.

Work out what his needs and values are, and start to understand. If you’re often defensive, start to seek understanding. Understanding gives you control and empowerment. We have a a program called Understanding Men, click here to get more information about this phenomenal program.

You’ll have a lot more certainty and happiness in your relationship if you start to understand that you DO have control over it – and you CAN make it better. More importantly, if you know how to meet his needs in a variety of ways better than anyone else ever could – he would have no reason not to want to be with you for as long as possible!

– Do not deny him sex regularly and do not use it as a commodity; do not ever use sex to specifically get what you want from him, if you want sex to be, for the long-term, a mutually enjoyable thing that you both share together.

Also, when you do sleep with him, be real, be honest and be generous. What do I mean by this? I mean understand him and learn why he wants sex. Don’t do it hoping it will be over soon. He knows this. He feels it. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

It is very hard on a man to be sleeping with a woman who wants it to be over, and treats his sexual needs as another “chore” to be done on the list. It’s important that you make time for him, and for the both of you to be together and to keep the passion alive and kicking.

- Have high standards for yourself.

Get fit, eat well. Also, just because you have had a child does not mean it’s ok to be overweight, depressed or “old” or no fun anymore. My lovely, as hard as it can be to look after so many things, and to have so many things on your mind, make it a habit to set your standards high.

If you want the great rewards and a fantastic loving husband who adores you, start by adoring him and understanding him. Understand that a man like his wife to look nice, not just for the sake of looking nice, BUT because he wants to know that his wife/girlfriend still CARES enough to bother making herself look nice for him.

This goes regardless of age. Just because a woman is 60, does not mean she can’t look good anymore. It’s more about never getting “old” on the inside, which then affects the outside.

These are a few good things that you can do to ensure you are on the right track to being the kind of woman a man wants to marry. And, it’s not all about getting a man to marry you or commit to you, it’s about starting by giving without expecting anything in return. (read my article about the difference between pleasing and giving)

Men aren’t as terrible as so many women say. They are not “all the same”, and men are happy to be loyal and give to us and cherish a good woman who takes care of his needs and gives beyond herself. They are not always unreasonable creatures, there are compassionate, caring men around.

And, your man should do the same, too. Relationships are about giving.

If you would like to know exactly step by step how to inspire your man to commit to you and marry you, I suggest you sign up to my program Commitment Control 2.0. It is the best program of its kind to help women in casual situations to a deeply devoted and committed relationship. Click here to register to watch the Commitment Masterclass. 

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190 Comments

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  • KJ

    Reply Reply September 13, 2014

    9 year marriage ended with the last 61/2 in intermittent “marriage counseling” on and off and pretty much sexless. Two kids.

    6 YEARS of custody litigation. I had more sex in my first two months after the divorce than I did in the entire marriage.

    Never again. American women have a hard time being accomplished or feminine. Don’t even look at a white woman anymore.

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  • Baby

    Reply Reply September 5, 2014

    The most thing a man doesn’t want to get married is that he will lose his freedom, and so many responsibilities, as well as the talkative wife. haha

  • Clare

    Reply Reply September 2, 2014

    Wow, This is about the saddest blog thread I have read in a long time.
    Such anger and sadness over divorce.

    I am in a divorce myself and it is sad and financially devastating to me, because I am the only breadwinner.
    BUT….I still believe in love and that good men exist and I am going to find a loving, adventurous, caring, funny, manly and sexual man to be a partner with me when this is all over.

    Please, do not let your bad history control your future. You can be happy again. I know I will be, eventually.

    Pray for all of us in these terrible situations.

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  • Anonymous

    Reply Reply August 13, 2014

    Im on my second marriage. My first wife had an affair and left me for dead in a hospital bed for the other guy…..took my 3 kids with her….completely ruined my life. As much as I wanted to be dead to get rid of the gaping hole of pain in my chest, I chose to live. I just kept telling myself “keep breathing, someday you’ll get the last laugh”. We lost our oldest son to cancer after we divorced. She told me “you should keep paying child support on him until he would have turned 18″…..I kept telling myself “keep breathing, someday you’ll have the last laugh.” She remarried and divorced…..then had some guy she absolutely refused to cut out of her life despite the fact that he wouldn’t marry her. I finally got the last laugh….I just paid my last child support payment last month.

    Im remarried too but honestly, I thought the problem with my first marriage was the person I was married to. It wasn’t. The problem is that I am apparently incompatible with marriage. I didn’t realize that even being married to a “normal” woman requires slavery the likes that black people havent seen. I can sum up my whole marriage experience in 1 sentence: “even a dead clock is right twice a day and that’s twice more than me”. I do NOT think men should marry at all and if they must marry, they should not consider marrying an American woman. We live in an oversexualized, feminazi society where even breathing is wrong for man. Any guy that asks I quietly tell them “do not marry under any circumstance”. At least when you’re single, there’s no one else to blame…you actually ARE generally responsible for everything that goes wrong in your life. That’s not how it is in marriage, not even close.

  • Anonymous

    Reply Reply August 7, 2014

    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. he started acting strange, he was ignoring all of my calls and won’t speak to me at all, i wanted us to be back together forever and work through things as a couple. I just could not picture my life without him. i felt so rejected when i discovered that he was cheating on me. it made me go crazy because i took him as the love of my life, my best friend, my soul mate, after making some research i found Mr Robinson on the net that he can restore broken relationship and i gave it a try, after using his love spell, my boyfriend came back and since then I definitely believe robinsonbuckler is real, I must admit, the result was perfect, wonderful, this caster Mr Robinson is real. you can call Mr Robinson + 19715126745 for urgent help

  • Sofia

    Reply Reply May 18, 2014

    Hello, Renée.

    I would have wished I could have found you early in my relationship days.

    Now its, well, too late. My ex has a new GF so there is nothing else I can do about it. (yeah, feeling pitty for myself. Reading all these articles reminds me of all the mistakes I have done with my ex, no wonder he didnt wait for me anymore.)

    And I dont know if I want to find love anymore. Now, its all destroyed, I destroyed it with my thinking and so forth. BUT, I will still keep reading every-article for a future man. Have to grow first as a woman, reading your articles I didnt knew what a woman can give, be and do.

    Beautiful. You are a very wise woman.

    God bless. xx

  • Bailey

    Reply Reply February 11, 2014

    Dear Rene, I could not take the time to read all of the comments but you sure stirred up a bees nest. I came very late into this web site but I am glad I did although, I can only see things getting worse until Government rules and regulations esp. Family Courts come clean and be accountable for the devastation they more than any Institution has created. Feminists did call for Equality and yet they are SILENT when it comes to the unequality of this … (can’t type the word here) Institution. Yet, churches do practically nothing to change this. I have been wondering what will happen when our Family Law Act goes after ethnic fathers eventually such as Muslims, Hindus, Asian, and even Spanish…those men are not marrying for the most part Caucasian males either and so “the … will likely hit the fan” through our newly acquired Immigrants. I wish I had been born MUCH earlier in time where I could have had that large family I yearned for but only was allowed one whom I don’t see much but loves his Daddy immensely while becoming the Whimp the X has created dominating him but certainly not the “whiner” that infests LOLO’s heart and mind above. There is no reaching the many but even a few are enlightened, my parent’s wonderful marriage-type may be preserved and it was that hated word “Traditional” Thanks for the article.

  • Bailey

    Reply Reply February 11, 2014

    For decades there have been a growing number of factors why fewer males marry now; as one whom extremely believed in marriage for most of my life due to watching the WW2 generation being relatively fulfilled yet never is it perfect, I’ve since then watched Baby Boomers gradually destroy marriage in everyway possible. One key point even though it took both genders to do this: {fact} > Males have not changed while females have undergone a drastic change and consequently, once a child is born it increases the risk for fathers to live a life of hell multifold and NOT because of the precious child but because of the “entitled ownership” claimed by so many mothers of 3 generations now to…the child, their time, their careers, their Social network, their locating where to live, their Matriarch family, their controlled Family Court >> which is a Killer for marriage as most younger men are aware of seeing what happened to their biological fathers. Personally, I’m divorced yet never wanted it however ~ 85 % of separations today see the mother leaving the father because they KNOW they will be looked after financially from different sources. Would I marry again, ONLY with a legally pre-nuptial arrangement and yet lol that won’t happen because I lost hundreds of thousands fighting for my child and therefore have been financially depleted while she has not. Marriage was once a sacred ceremony base on Holiness and not $$ as it is now. And as for stay-at-home fathers; if a man does that even though liberated women say it’s ok, Stats show that their divorce rate is REALLY high so whose lying? Sad isn’t it…and if a man dares to speak traditionally most women are all over him as a male chauvinist pig. If a western man thinks marrying outside of his race think again PLEASE…you will also be married to her family wherever she is from and $$$ will again be the most attracting factor. Rene raises some very valid points as to why marriage will likely become obsolete and as for the swearing by the selected men, you don’t need to resort to that in getting your heart heard. God help us all for when family crumbles the society will crumble.

  • Lance

    Reply Reply February 1, 2014

    My opinion is to not think of finding a woman as a checklist item to be achieved. I truly love women and I know that their are a lot of women that have been screwed around by men and its made them wake up and be choosy and more aware. I don’t have to have a woman in my life to feel happy. I live my life and if I meet a woman I may date or marry or just be friends. People compete for sex like its a game and they want to win and show how they are superior to others, I could careless who people screw it means nothing to me at all. Life is short and I don’t want to play these silly games. I like my life and freedom and dont need a woman to be happy.

  • tchotchke

    Reply Reply December 28, 2013

    Wow, this is all quite depressing. What should be obvious here is that PEOPLE have all become shit. I’m sure Americans are big offenders but it’s being imported to other countries as well. Men are blaming feminism but I think birth control (which has caused the elimination of the extended family) and pornography (which makes men disinterested in their women sexually, disrespectful in their sexuality and frankly or borderline impotent) are huge contributors.

    Look at what the Bible says; in Matthew 24 Jesus’s disciples asked Him, “What shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?”

    He listed many things including, “Then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.” and “Because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.”

    Ponder these last two scriptures and think how they encompass the behavior being complained about here by both men and women.

    • Luke

      Reply Reply January 10, 2014

      Typical scenario:-

      Your wife divorces you – takes 60% of all assets (that’s typical) – makes you pay spousal support, child support and makes it extremely difficult to see your kids.

      You are sitting in a tiny bedsit looking at 4 walls with hardly enough money to pay your bills.

      NOW, let’s see how your ‘wonderful all-knowing’ bible gets on with it’s advice in that situation – a few ‘Hail Marys’ & ‘Our Fathers’ isn’t going to cut it…

      • karen_o

        Reply Reply January 17, 2014

        Typical scenario:

        Man physically and emotionally abuses woman, who leaves for her & her children’s welfare. She finally files for divorce after he refuses to make any changes and now has acquired a girlfriend, who is pregnant.

        Man lies about income & evades child support. Woman & kids live in a tiny apartment while she works full time to support them, barely able to cover their basic needs & with no help from their father. Man lives in nice home with his girlfriend & new baby.

        Man uses the kids as weapons to get back at his ex for leaving him. He drags her to court over custody, but then fails to pick his kids up when he’s supposed to take them, and when they are with him he ignores them. His new family is priority, until he starts beating on that woman also & she leaves him too.

        Oh wait – what does the Bible say? Cherish your wife as your own body, as Christ does the congregation; a man who professes faith but doesn’t care for his family is worse than one without faith at all; and a wife should have deep respect for her husband. These principles help AVOID that situation.

        • Greg

          Reply Reply January 17, 2014

          the more typical scenario circa 2014,

          The good men get married because he’s in love,
          the wife stops the sexing after getting bored with the chore. He turns to a dating site to find it, she gets fatter and lazier.
          Everyones happy, except the single guys.
          Who just have too satisfy themselves, drink beer n play video games, in watch internet porn.

        • Luke

          Reply Reply January 22, 2014

          “Man physically and emotionally abuses woman”
          =============================================

          Nope, 50% of such abuse is committed by women – so not quite so typical.

          =========================
          Man lies about income & evades child support.
          =========================

          Very difficult to do – and as you add that he lives in a nice house it’s practically impossible.

          ========================
          Man uses the kids as weapons to get back at his ex for leaving him.
          ========================

          Nope, it’s the other way round, women get custody unless they are mentally incompetent, in jail – or dead. A man’s lawyer will tell him not to waste his time if she is at all competent because he will never win. So again, NOT typical.

          Oh, and remember – nothing fails like prayer :-)

        • Bailey

          Reply Reply February 11, 2014

          Karen, I have spoken to 1,000s of women w.r.t. this hot topic and one pervasive common denominator is crystal clear which is, during these discussions practically ALL of them revert to “I” and “me” thus ONLY seeing what happened to them is what matters and it therefore happens to ALL women. You have just done the same Karen while ignoring the stats of Family Court that usually does exactly what Luke has stated ending up crippling too many fathers who Karen, since they need a woman in their life, end up living with yes another woman and her kids; result, he ends up not seeing his own child enough while playing second fiddle to his new woman’s kids as a so called Step Dad. The new woman now has another source of income and so it goes on. I believe that Counselling sessions should be mandatory even before co-habituating as they are now before a divorce MAY be granted. Children are taking a beating. Personally, I’d never insult scriptures at this stage of our cultural game because they seem to be looking accurate.

    • Joan

      Reply Reply January 31, 2014

      That’s all nice, but can you think of something positive? I’m just wondering. Its hard I know, but I choose to just change for the better myself, and teach these things to my own daughters.

  • Leon

    Reply Reply December 27, 2013

    Men aren’t even preparing for marriage anymore. More and more Men don’t even bother to seek higher education these days because they have already decided they are not getting married. So they don’t need the higher paying jobs that come with 90 hour weeks and ulcers. Men have finally figured out that getting married, having children, working their butts off and then have their wife cheat and divorce them and take everything they own and then be told it’s all their fault, isn’t a very good deal. Why would a man want to put himself through such a nightmare?

  • nunya

    Reply Reply December 26, 2013

    This article seems to approach this from a perspective of men who are already married getting frustrated (women spend too much time with their kids? huh?).

    You’re not getting down to the nitty gritty of why more men don’t want to get married at all.

    I posted a long version. Here’s the short version – why bother? Think about it hard ladies. Aside from sex and children, what are you bringing to the table?

    Yesterday, for Christmas, my girlfriend gave me two tickets to a musical she wants to see. She’s wanted to get married for a while now and she wonders why I don’t. It isn’t the gift, it’s just…why? When we were younger she didn’t want to get married. She wanted to keep it light and play the field. Now we’re older, I make a good living and have my stuff together. Why should I bother?

    • Kim

      Reply Reply December 26, 2013

      You just have a crappy girlfriend. There are plenty of women you could have chosen from that dont act that way. But by now they are married to men and stuck in miserable marriages where their husband are financially controlling, shallow, disrespectful and emotionally neglectful…thats how most married men are.

      • Luke

        Reply Reply December 31, 2013

        Well Kim, if the women are miserable I know the men are definitely miserable so let’s just dump marriage altogether – it’s obviously the best for everyone :-)

      • Greg

        Reply Reply January 10, 2014

        Yet, these women blame men for their poor choices.
        Its does seem that marriage gets stale, boring and a chore.
        Society and the government dress marriage up as the main goal and allege that men live longer and are happier in marriage, plus give couples massive tax benefits. The negative statistics of marriage say otherwise. 70% of divorces are instigated by women, often as soon as menopause kicks in. Women across the west outlive men by 5 years, so will be reaping most working mens pension payments. Women are lazy in bed.

  • nunya

    Reply Reply December 26, 2013

    Real simple (and some of this applies only to men who don’t want to get married and probably not all of those):

    1. Men lose in divorce court
    2. Men lose when it comes to the police / law (a woman can beat up a man, call the police and they’ll drag him away)
    3. Men lose in custody cases and a woman, while not all do it, can use their children against them in a separation.
    4. Women, on the surface, say they don’t need men, but when you are married 100% of a man’s income goes to supporting the family, while a woman’s income is ‘hers.’ – this isn’t true in all cases, but for a man who doesn’t want to get married, it would be a concern. Men who aren’t concerned about this (meaning they take their wife’s earnings and blow their own) probably love getting married and abusing their wives.
    5. Women can be unappreciative of all the things a man does.
    6. Men are less valued in culture, always have been, but now more than ever. If you are going to be less valued, why not get a job, keep your money, do what you like and take it easy.
    7. There’s far more financial uncertainty now with regards to employment and the economy. Somehow it has become more expensive for two people to live together. A single man can survive relatively easily (at least up into old age)and with the mobility from being single, if he is educated and has work experience, he can pretty much go where he wants or wherever his career takes him.
    8. Women seem less interested in sticking it out anymore. They don’t like being married, they get a divorce (women file for divorce 2x as often as men and the most common complaint is irreconcilable differences. When men file, the most common complaint is adultery.)
    9. Women have more advantages in terms of education (funding and acceptance), jobs (hiring requirements) and pretty soon pay (they’ve been pushing for that legislation every day for years). Why should a man work just as hard and spend the rest of his life hearing a woman talk about how oppressed she is. Better to be single.

    • Kim

      Reply Reply December 26, 2013

      The stat about women filing for divorce is skewed. That stat refers to who put the petition to the court. The person who does the filing does not always want the divorce. I know 5 women off the top of my head that filed because their husbands became unfaithful, abusive, emotionally neglectful for years on end and the women tried EVERYTHING to get the neglect to stop. Their husbands behaviorally and mentally checked out of the marriages but refused to file. So, no, just because women file more doesnt mean women want to divorce more. And frankly, men become more disrespectful and complacent in marriages than women do. Once a man snags a woman, he stops all the things he did that made her fall in love with him.

      and men are NEVER unappreciative of women? You are ridiculous…most women have to threaten divorce to get a man to wake up and smell the roses and realize he takes her for granted. “Dont know what you have til its gone” definitely applies to men more than women for marriages AND breakups. Thats because men are more selfish. They do what they want and think of consequences later.

      100% of a mans income goes to his family? Women are getting a paid life of luxury? What a huge stereotype. Where the he** do you live? I see so many families where women contribute 50% or close to it to their family, and on top of that, spend more of ther own paycheck/money on their kids while their husbands spend their own paycheck/money on TVs, phones, useless electronic gadgets and so on.

      • Luke

        Reply Reply December 31, 2013

        I don’t agree with any of what you say but anyway if you feel like that it’s another fantastic argument for NOT getting married :-)

      • karen_o

        Reply Reply January 17, 2014

        Yes – this is reality for most. I don’t know what tiny % of wealthy people these other poster are coming from.

        Women are pushed to “have it all now” which really means “do it all” now. A man is expected to go to work, come home, do what he wants, & cut the grass on the weekend. Sometimes he “helps” with the kids, mainly when it’s fun.

        A woman is expected to get the kids ready for school, go to work full-time, go grocery shopping, come home, make dinner, get the kids ready for bed, clean-up, and still have energy for sex with someone who has no interest in her as a human being. She should also look young & sexy while doing all of this.

  • KingChris

    Reply Reply December 23, 2013

    Women love to complain how hard it is to raise kids. I would love to trade my 60 hour a week job in construction to raise children. Women tend to complain about any adversity!

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