Why Men do not want to Marry and How to Become the Kind of Woman Men Want to Marry
Before I begin, let me just share a few extracts taken from an anti-marriage website:
“My wife was a frigid, shrivelled b***h. Before we were married, we had plenty of sex, but as soon as we passed the six month mark after our wedding, she stopped being interested. My wife only f***s when she “feels sexy.” Translation: when I give her jewellery. She is just a withered old bag at the age of 35.”
“What security is there for men in marriage? If I cheat on my wife, she gets half my s**t. If she cheats on me, she still gets half my s**t. Why the f*** should i get married”
“We had one kid. Wife stays home, but the kid wears her out. I bust my f****** ASS 60 hrs/week and get no credit. Wife gives me guilt when I don’t throw everything down right after work to watch this screaming, annoying f****** kid so she can go out to the gym, or to some restaurant with her friends, or to her sister’s house to watch movies.
She gets to take naps during the day when the baby sleeps, and every time I call her on the cell during the day, she is at Starbucks with her Mom or friends. She says that doesn’t count as “Her time” because she’s with the baby.
I’ve had enough. I feel so undervalued and OWNED. She is so ‘entitled’ now it’s like 60 (or 70, or 80) hours a week from me is EXPECTED. Being at work from 8-7 counts as my ‘social’ time, so I am not allowed to have any friends or ever do ANYTHING outside of change F****** DIAPERS”
I hope you’re having a lovely day and I haven’t thrown you off with those comments above! Now I am sure that, even just by reading these words you can see the frustration, resentment and anger inside these men.
(Please note: whilst I acknowledge that marriage takes 2, and that men need to step up and take charge of their own actions as well – this website is for women, so I focus mainly on what can be done from the woman’s end).
It’s true; if I was a man in this day and age, I would be quite put off marriage to many of the the modern women in the Western world. Truth be told, the state of our society has done some really bad things to the balance of masculine-feminine and to the values of women and men.
The reason why men do not marry is actually really simple. A lot of men feel that there is nothing in it for them! And what IS in it for them when they don’t have a good woman? The fast-moving modern world that we live in has ensured that women are working longer hours, juggling more responsibilities, and progressively less able to place their men as their top priority.
In fact, most women place their children at the top of their priorities – which may seem like the best thing to do, but men can grow to resent this as their women are more fulfilled taking care of their kids than they are taking care of their men.
In the meantime, their man gets/feels neglected. Even more important – most women just have no idea how men work. They do not understand them, and most of them do not want to understand them; they’re too busy attending to their other tasks or priorities – in other words, themselves.
However, just as you want to be understood; so does your man! It’s important to not be a man-hater, or a man-basher and stop putting everything down to “Men just want sex”. This is not always true, and true love does exist.
How to become marriage material
So how do you become the kind of woman men want to marry? I will give some strategies below:
- Stop thinking of yourself. Spend 60 days taking responsibility for your man’s needs and seeing things from his perspective, no matter how hard things are for you. If you do this, he may be more receptive to your needs and you will most likely get him in a different state; a state where you can bring up the topic of your needs with him.
- Understand him, and how he works. Work out what his needs and values are, and start to understand. If you’re often defensive, start to seek understanding. Understanding gives you control and empowerment. (read my article about ease your worries on men)
You’ll have a lot more certainty and happiness in your relationship if you start to understand that you DO have control over it – and you CAN make it better. More importantly, if you know how to meet his needs in a variety of ways better than anyone else ever could – he would have no reason not to want to be with you for as long as possible!
- Do not deny him sex regularly and do not use it as a commodity; do not ever use sex to specifically get what you want from him, if you want sex to be, for the long-term, a mutually enjoyable thing that you both share together.
Also, when you do sleep with him, be real, be honest and be generous. What do I mean by this? I mean understand him and learn why he wants sex. Don’t do it hoping it will be over soon. He knows this. He feels it.
It is very hard on a man to be sleeping with a woman who wants it to be over, and treats his sexual needs as another “chore” to be done on the list. It’s important that you make time for him, and for the both of you to be together and to keep the passion alive and kicking.
- Have high standards for yourself. Get fit, eat well. Also, just because you have had a child does not mean it’s ok to be overweight, depressed or “old” or no fun anymore. My lovely, as hard as it can be to look after so many things, and to have so many things on your mind, make it a habit to set your standards high.
If you want the great rewards and a fantastic loving husband who adores you, start by adoring him and understanding him. Understand that a man like his wife to look nice, not just for the sake of looking nice, BUT because he wants to know that his wife/girlfriend still CARES enough to bother making herself look nice for him.
This goes regardless of age. Just because a woman is 60, does not mean she can’t look good anymore. It’s more about never getting “old” on the inside, which then affects the outside.
These are a few good things that you can do to ensure you are on the right track to being the kind of woman a man wants to marry. And, it’s not all about getting a man to marry you or commit to you, it’s about starting by giving without expecting anything in return. (read my article about the difference between pleasing and giving)
Men aren’t as terrible as so many women say. They are not “all the same”, and men are happy to be loyal and give to us and cherish a good woman who takes care of his needs and gives beyond herself. They are not always unreasonable creatures, there are compassionate, caring men around.
And, your man should do the same, too. Relationships are about giving.
If you would like to know exactly step by step how to inspire your man to commit to you and marry you, I suggest you sign up to my program Commitment Control. It is the best program of its kind to help women in casual situations to a deeply devoted and committed relationship. Click here to find out more about it.