Why Men Do Not Want to Marry

Why Men Do Not Want to Marry

How to Become the Kind of Woman Men Want to Marry

Before I begin, let me just share a few extracts taken from an anti-marriage website:

“My wife was a frigid, shrivelled b***h. Before we were married, we had plenty of sex, but as soon as we passed the six month mark after our wedding, she stopped being interested. My wife only f***s when she “feels sexy.” Translation: when I give her jewellery. She is just a withered old bag at the age of 35.”

“What security is there for men in marriage? If I cheat on my wife, she gets half my s**t. If she cheats on me, she still gets half my s**t. Why the f*** should i get married”

“We had one kid. Wife stays home, but the kid wears her out. I bust my f****** ASS 60 hrs/week and get no credit. Wife gives me guilt when I don’t throw everything down right after work to watch this screaming, annoying f****** kid so she can go out to the gym, or to some restaurant with her friends, or to her sister’s house to watch movies.

She gets to take naps during the day when the baby sleeps, and every time I call her on the cell during the day, she is at Starbucks with her Mom or friends. She says that doesn’t count as “Her time” because she’s with the baby.

I’ve had enough. I feel so undervalued and OWNED. She is so ‘entitled’ now it’s like 60 (or 70, or 80) hours a week from me is EXPECTED. Being at work from 8-7 counts as my ‘social’ time, so I am not allowed to have any friends or ever do ANYTHING outside of change F****** DIAPERS”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> MY ANSWER

Hi there 🙂

I hope you’re having a lovely day and I haven’t thrown you off with those comments above! Now I am sure that, even just by reading these words you can see the frustration, resentment and anger inside these men.

(Please note: whilst I acknowledge that marriage takes 2, and that men need to step up and take charge of their own actions as well – this website is for women, so I focus mainly on what can be done from the woman’s end).

It’s true; if I was a man in this day and age, I would be quite put off marriage to many of the the modern women in the Western world. Truth be told, the state of our society has done some really bad things to the balance of masculine-feminine and to the values of women and men. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

The reason why men do not marry is actually really simple. A lot of men feel that there is nothing in it for them!

And what IS in it for them when they don’t have a good woman? The fast-moving modern world that we live in has ensured that women are working longer hours, juggling more responsibilities, and progressively less able to place their men as their top priority.

In fact, most women place their children at the top of their priorities – which may seem like the best thing to do, but men can grow to resent this as their women are more fulfilled taking care of their kids than they are taking care of their men.

In the meantime, their man gets/feels neglected. Even more important – most women just have no idea how men work. They do not understand them, and most of them do not want to understand them; they’re too busy attending to their other tasks or priorities – in other words, themselves.

However, just as you want to be understood; so does your man! It’s important to not be a man-hater, or a man-basher and stop putting everything down to “Men just want sex”. This is not always true, and true love does exist.

How to become marriage material

So how do you become the kind of woman men want to marry? I will give some strategies below:

– Stop thinking of yourself.

Spend 60 days taking responsibility for your man’s needs and seeing things from his perspective, no matter how hard things are for you. If you do this, he may be more receptive to your needs and you will most likely get him in a different state; a state where you can bring up the topic of your needs with him.

– Understand him, and how he works.

Work out what his needs and values are, and start to understand. If you’re often defensive, start to seek understanding. Understanding gives you control and empowerment. We have a a program called Understanding Men, click here to get more information about this phenomenal program.

You’ll have a lot more certainty and happiness in your relationship if you start to understand that you DO have control over it – and you CAN make it better. More importantly, if you know how to meet his needs in a variety of ways better than anyone else ever could – he would have no reason not to want to be with you for as long as possible!

– Do not deny him sex regularly and do not use it as a commodity; do not ever use sex to specifically get what you want from him, if you want sex to be, for the long-term, a mutually enjoyable thing that you both share together.

Also, when you do sleep with him, be real, be honest and be generous. What do I mean by this? I mean understand him and learn why he wants sex. Don’t do it hoping it will be over soon. He knows this. He feels it. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

It is very hard on a man to be sleeping with a woman who wants it to be over, and treats his sexual needs as another “chore” to be done on the list. It’s important that you make time for him, and for the both of you to be together and to keep the passion alive and kicking.

– Have high standards for yourself.

Get fit, eat well. Also, just because you have had a child does not mean it’s ok to be overweight, depressed or “old” or no fun anymore. My lovely, as hard as it can be to look after so many things, and to have so many things on your mind, make it a habit to set your standards high.

If you want the great rewards and a fantastic loving husband who adores you, start by adoring him and understanding him. Understand that a man like his wife to look nice, not just for the sake of looking nice, BUT because he wants to know that his wife/girlfriend still CARES enough to bother making herself look nice for him.

This goes regardless of age. Just because a woman is 60, does not mean she can’t look good anymore. It’s more about never getting “old” on the inside, which then affects the outside.

These are a few good things that you can do to ensure you are on the right track to being the kind of woman a man wants to marry. And, it’s not all about getting a man to marry you or commit to you, it’s about starting by giving without expecting anything in return. (read my article about the difference between pleasing and giving)

Men aren’t as terrible as so many women say. They are not “all the same”, and men are happy to be loyal and give to us and cherish a good woman who takes care of his needs and gives beyond herself. They are not always unreasonable creatures, there are compassionate, caring men around.

And, your man should do the same, too. Relationships are about giving.

If you would like to know exactly step by step how to inspire your man to commit to you and marry you, I suggest you sign up to my program Commitment Control 2.0. It is the best program of its kind to help women in casual situations to a deeply devoted and committed relationship. Click here to register to watch the Commitment Masterclass. 

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  • JR

    Lady, your writing is on point. I’m 42 years married, 4 kids, to a lady like you and thank God of it. Most young women today are not ladies, and Churches only speaks of the responsibilities of husbands, but not the obedience and respect owed them. God bless you,, and while my 3 daughters who are ladies have had no problems finding real men (1 not yet married), my son has given up trying to find a lady, All my son sees are self-entitled women with no idea of what a lady is. Thank you, God bless you.

  • David Madden

    U want to know a whole website why men cant be fucked with marriages —
    including this article — (https://pairedlife.com/problems/Top-10-Things-Men-Do-To-Destroy-Their-Marriage) if women where there for men in the times that are worse or did even 10 things on our list to help us as men with life — vs the 1,000,000 list women have to keep them happy — lol really whats the fucking point there worthless and not worth more then offering sex , so why not just put a price tag on them fuck them and be done they offer nothing else !

  • blah blah

    I think also modern dating has put many men off of marriage.

    What is modern dating? Basically a guy spending a lot of money going broke to show a woman what a “Good Provider” he can be.

    That makes no sense.

    “Let me show you what a good provider I can be by taking you out to expensive dinners, concerts, shows, etc.”

    And… in doing so… the woman is proving two things about herself…

    1) she’s a mooch… she’s a drain on her man’s resources
    2) she’s not providing anything … she’s not cooking… all that she’s really providing is sex.

    So, modern dating is basically just softcore prostitution; you’re with a girl and constantly shower her with meals, shows and things in order to keep sleeping with her.

    So, marriage… as a guy that’s dated and gone through the above bullshit… seems like it would just turn into a long-term version of that above.

    Why would a guy want to marry a woman that is a) a constant drain on his resources, b) provides nothing to him other then sex occasionally?

    “But, she has education and money!”

    A woman’s education only benefits her if she’s only spending her money on herself. And most women only spend their money on themselves. They feel that a man should be ever-so-greatful for her to even spend a dime on him. Most women view their money as “maintenance money”… it’s hers to spend on herself to keep looking good (getting waxed, buying fancy clothes, buying smelly shit that goes around the house to make it seem “homey”, etc).

    So… again… a guy views marriage as “my money is our money, and her money is her money”.

    A modern woman wants to have a job and get burned out from it like her guy, so when she comes home she doesn’t want to cook or clean. (That’s what going out to eat and hiring a maid is for).

    A modern woman just wants to be a “kept woman”. And modern guys are getting sick of that. There’s nothing they bring to the table other then a vagina… and every woman has a vagina, so what makes hers so special? She wants him to spend money on her, she works and spends her own money on herself, she works so doesn’t have any energy to maintain a household, she works so has no energy to have kids or raise kids…

    Marrying a modern woman is like marrying a child… it’s something you have to take responsibility for, maintain, spend money on… and you get very little out of it other then the occasional “oh, that’s great, sweetie, aren’t you amazing (roll eyes, b/c you don’t really mean that you’re just saying it)”

    I’m sure modern guys are no treat either.

    Our modern work lives disassociate us from our primal need for self-satisfaction. We used to grow our own food, build our own homes… we reaped what we sowed.

    These days we work jobs that we put all our blood, sweat and tears into, someone else gets the bulk of the reward for our hard work and hands us peanuts and a pat on the head to go buy what we need. We take that money and get food, shelter, etc… there is no self-satisfaction.

    Why do you think your guy is always out working on the car? Because he gets out of it what he puts into it. There is a tangible self-satisfaction. I put in a bigger engine. Car goes faster. (Tim Allen grunting noise). There is no middle man that gets to reap the reward of the hard work.

    So, we have a lot of disenfranchised guys trying to date girls that are also working and have lost the art of being a Domestic Goddess… and we’re all just a bunch of burned-out messes trying to figure out why we would get married when all we’re really looking for is some companionship and sex. In the old days we each brought something to the table. A guy would hunt, fix things, etc, a woman wuold cook, clean. (Granted, there was overlap in gender roles… some women would hunt and gather, some men would help raise kids and tidy the house.) We’ve lost this sense of self-satisfaction… of seeing what each of us brings to the table. It’s all been taken away from us and now we just look at how much money we have and can we get sex for it.

  • blah blah

    I saw how marriage worked out for my parents. My mom went around blowing all kinds of money she didn’t have using credit cards. Cops came to the house with a warrant for her arrest for bouncing checks. She wanted to live a lifestyle that was unsustainable, even though my dad was earning good money. Part of the problem was that I think my dad pressured her into having kids before she was ready (and having 3 kids… not stopping with 1 or 2).

    Anyways, marriage meant creditors could call my dad asking for payment on debt he had no clue about. Then he’d come home, get in a fight with my mom, and realize they were thousands of dollars in debt. Like a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t just tell the creditors “sorry, my wife is a cunt, you can go fuck yourself, b/c I’m not paying you”. Nope. He had to pay.

    Marriage means you are now responsible for your woman’s stupidity.

    Marriage is all the hassle of traditional society (ie: people expect you to “keep your wife in line”) with all the hassle of modern society (ie: “but you’re not allowed to raise a hand to her, you need to worship her, you need to treat her as an equal, etc”)

    It’s a lose-lose situation for men. Your wife can go out and screw up her life, and it all falls back on you; you have to take accountability and responsibility for her screw ups.

    Then you decide you’ve had enough of it and put her over your knee and spank the shit out of her (because if she’s going to act like a bratty little cunt, she’s going to get punished lke a bratty little cunt.) Then she calls the cops and you get arrested for domestic abuse.

    There is no reason to get married for a man.

    Most women love a man b/c he’s free. Look at all the things women are attracted to when trying to get a man…

    he doesn’t return calls
    he doesn’t return texts
    he doesn’t let you know where he’s going or who he’s with
    he does his own thing, he doesn’t mind leaving you at home to go some place
    he has his own money
    he has his own transportation
    he has his own place

    He is his own person, and you have no assurance that he’s yours. This is what drives women crazy… to know that a man is his own person, and to relish in the time he spends with her knowing he wants to be with her but doesn’t have to be with her. (IE: she’s not supporting him and he has no reason to be with her other then that he likes her company and loves her).

    Marriage pretty much takes most of that away…you move in together, live together, are in each others business every day, he can’t easily leave the situation.

    Add in the fact that some women “save themselves” (virginity) for marriage, which means they have no clue what they like sexually, but have just gotten locked into a relationship with a guy they may find out doesn’t magically meet their needs (Because the women doesn’t have a clue what she likes sexually)…

    It’s just a hot mess.

    I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 8 years. I call her my wife. We are not married in the “government contract all up in your business” way. I told her she was married to me, though. I’m with her. I come home to her. I’m married to her. And she’s married ot me.

    But, I will not get a marriage license and such. My feelings are two fold.

    1) if I ever become the kind of man she doesn’t deserve (ie: alcoholic, asshole, whatever)… I want her to be able to easily leave me

    2) by not being fully “tied down” to each other, we bust our asses to keep each other around. We comfort each other, but we bust our asses to make the relationship sometihng the other wants to come home to and stay in every single day. There is no “oh, I’m married, so I’m stuck with what I’m stuck wtih and now I’m depressed, so I’m gonna eat my depression away and be a fat ass and feel stuck in my situation”. No. If either of us doesn’t like it, we can leave.

    We have taken on marriage-like qualities. I’m the head of household. She provides counselling and suggestion (as a woman should), but I make the final decision on major issues. If she screws up, I spank her. We have our own money, so either of us can leave when we want, but we share expenses. We live together, and have for 5 years. We havne’t cheated on each other. Why? Beacuse both of us dated enough to know what we want. But, both of us know that people change over time. If we become incompatible, then we want to be able to amicably go our separate ways without having it turn into a nasty situation with legal fees, lawyers, divorce expenses and other bullshit. I own my stuff. She owns her stuff. I’m the kind of guy that can walk out the door with the clothes on my back and never come back. That’s part of the appeal. She knows I’m with her because I want to be, not because I have to be.

    Marriage, as the mariage license, state-legalized contract bullshit… is just not appealing to a man. And, I think knowing a guy is tied down to her is not appealing to a woman (subconciously, even though all of them shoot for it).

    Women don’t learn to regret marriage until they get into one. They are just conditioned with this huge fantasy, b/c most are just looking at the huge wedding ceremony where it’s their day to be a princess. They dont’ look beyond it. They dont’ see the countless depressed women at work constantly complaining about marriage, husband and kids. Tehy only focus on the one or two happy wives that have magically made things work. They think their marriage will be that same way.

    It’s delusional.

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  • Morfy Dau

    Its unfortunate that it has come to this. Of the truly good-hearted women out there who want nothing more than to be married and raise a family together with her husband, you have my sympathies. Marriage has almost nothing positive to offer men these days and the risks are severe and long-lasting. This is the world your feminist sisters have foisted upon our society. I suggest having a drink (or a bit of your drug of choice) and make the best of it.

  • Dave

    The main reason why my son refuses to marry is that he is convinced that his wife will wake up one morning and say that she wants a divorce. He and his friends believe that all women want marriage and most of them want divorce, child support and alimony. When I retired a couple of years ago, I passed on a beautiful house to my son and he is determined to not lose it in divorce court.
    I can’t blame him considering that 75% of all divorces are initiated by the woman.
    Perhaps someone can explain to me why so many women change their minds after saying I Do. After all, it’s usually the woman who is pushing for commitment and marriage.

  • John Davenport

    Quite frankly I would like to get married and have children, but in this day and age that means never retiring and risking everything that this woman won’t screw me completely. How can you know someone well enough that they won’t change their minds and leave you hanging 10 years down the road? Ideally I would change the economy and society, but I don’t have that power, so it doesn’t look like marriage or family is in the cards for me 🙁

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  • susannunes

    What a repellent site. Women should just contort their lives to make some dude “happy.” “Femininity” is just code for second-class status, for being property of some dude. What a waste of time, of a life. But then again I am much older than the target audience, but I went through this “had to have a man” crap when I was young. It was a complete waste of time when there was and is so much else to do. I am much better off on my own not having to twist my life to conform to what some stupid guy wants..

  • Hill Billy

    My wife and I have seen to many good men’s lives destroyed by women. We have two, good hard working grown sons and they to have seen to many friends screwed over by women. For them to find a good girl is like trying to play poker and the deck is marked against you. We have told them to stay away from american women and western women in general. We told them to look overseas to countries where women are more traditional. They have both dated, and the girls always started out nice, but then would turn into nutbag progressive feminist. We want grand children, but not at the expense of our sons lives.

    • susannunes

      What a disgusting woman-hating person you are. Of course you are a racist to stereotype Asian women especially as passive little doormats because you men are such losers you can’t stand for women to be anything else than sex toys, incubators, and servants. Of course, foreign women aren’t stupid, contrary to your racist attitude. Your sons are a twisted mess because you are a misogynist mess of a human being.

      • Hill Billy

        Lol!!!!! Thank you, you just proved my point. Why would any man want anything to do with someone like you. Women wonder why so many good men are running away from marrying them, go look in the mirror. Your not women any more, you are all some weird hybrid of a man and a woman. So if what I said offends your delicate little mind, tuff. You better get used to hearing the truth because more and more men are starting to get a spine back and their not intimidated by you fowl mouthed womenmen.

      • Hill Billy

        You prove my point completely. Thank you.

  • panait ciprian

    you forget respect. Showing a man that you respect him and what he does for you goes a long way. If you just ask him to do more it will not work. Also women should realize how easy their life is and be a little more grateful.

    • susannunes

      It cuts both ways, dude. Men need to respect women, not think their lives should revolve around them. That is the problem. Too many men are sociopaths who cannot even conceive that women are human beings, not some body for a man to dump his semen in. Sure, women’s lives are “easy,” you stupid ass.

      • BlueLanternMonk

        …..are you related to Jackie Chan? …..because you’re kind of funny! Did you know that 70% of American men ages 20-34 aren’t married or that there’ll be Selective Service registry for women, around the year 2018? ….no? Well, unless you take my word for it; you still don’t! Hahaha-hahaha!
        “Women are nothing but machines for producing children.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

  • Marguerite H.

    I also am going through a divorce. My marriage failed because two(not one) person failed. And that’s ok. As a woman who sacrificed a grounded career in order to help him build his…..well, need I say more. He continues on to make a 6 figure income that I sacrificed while I start off in low income and work to increase it all the while being middle aged. I find your views Rene……..and many of the other views here to be simplistic and short sighted. There are no easy answers for sure……..but going to the far right or left will never get anyone to the middle. It’s all kind of sad really.

  • Marguerite H.

    I’ve done both in my day……stayed home with kids…..and worked with kids. It was a far easier life going to work than it was staying home. There are a lot of facts and observations missing here.

  • Kristen Wall

    If men feel valued and respected in a relationship than women will see a difference in how they are treated, not all men, but those men who are generally decent.. In all this fighting for being the leader women and men have forgotten fundamental values. Men need to know why it is valuable and what is in it for them when they get married and women need a devotion of love and committment. When a man asks a woman to marry him that is his way of showing (generally) that he is offering her all the love he has by making such a commitment. When a woman stops making a man feel valued and appreciated after this he can see it as her losing interest. Men like things they can use and things that tend to his needs and women like frivolous sentimental things (generalization on both sexes) but in all honesty, in this fight for equality women are bull dozing men. I was raised by my father and all i can say is it isn’t hard to make your man a sandwich and get him a beer, it isn’t hard to be enthusiastic and remind your man why he wanted to be with you in the first place. Women don’t realize that any good man who feels valued and like a king will treat his womam like a queen but it goes both ways. There is nothing wrong with getting down of the woman pedestal. There is a difference between wanting equal rights and thinking your better. Men are by far treated just as low and unfair as women at times.
    There is nothing wrong with taking care of a good man and valuing him as a provider and protector, it is a part of how a man’s brain works. They generally want to do the right thing but i agree, why risk it on the chance that you are not valued and constantly belittled. Like i said any good man will love and devote himself to his wife, as long as he is valued and appreciated in return. Males have feelings and insecurities too.

    • BlueLanternMonk

      ‘this fight for equality women are bull dozing men.’ – you
      …..if it was about ‘equality’ why didn’t women stop at men’s individual rights? Women get less time, for the same crime and there are no affirmative action quotas for trash collection or hard labor jobs,rather for safe indoor jobs. Men aren’t stupid; we’re loyal, there’s a difference. I can tell you’re a sweet lady,but if men are to provide and women are to nurture; which one costs more money to do? See what I mean? The fact that a lady has to say ‘men have feelings and insecurities, too’….implies that it’s the exception, not the rule. Being a workhorse isn’t worth the risk,anymore. P.S. good effort, anyway.
      “Men have been trained and conditioned by women, not unlike the way Pavlov conditioned his dogs, into becoming their slaves. As compensation for their labours men are given periodic use of a woman’s vagina.” – Esther Vilar

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