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Article updated 2018

I think we’ve all had those moments where something our man has done (or somebody else) gets the blood broiling to the max!  You’ve probably had those times when things have been particularly hard like you’ve lost a loved one, or you’re struggling for money, or your man does something you didn’t expect that really hurt you? The times that put a lot of stress on your intimate relationship? Often, these are the times which really test our character and temperament. (Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Also, when you’re not feeling good, it becomes very hard to see the good in things, and in people. Or to even find it within yourself to commit to changing anything. It’s easy to throw in the towel and choose not to care.

If you’re a human being, I’m sure you’ve made mistakes when dealing with your man, and when dealing with people in general, and that is OK. If you are not making mistakes, you’re not learning. In fact, if you think you’re stuck in self-development, it’s probably because you’re not failing fast enough!

The common temperament of modern women

Perhaps due to the feminist movement, or due to other factors as well, women are often reacting to – and dealing with – situations in a very masculine way. In fact, many women these days are quite condescending and authoritative and even autocratic to men if they perceive that the man is intellectually “inferior” or if he has done something “wrong” according to the woman.

I have heard of women laughing in the face of “neanderthal” boys. This is not ideal. And, because so many women these days do choose to attend college and ruthlessly chase a career – men who are seemingly not as “educated” are sometimes looked down upon and worse still – women are competing with men in the same field (which is mainly a problem if you’re wanting to have a great relationship. You cannot be competing with your man)!

The fact is – each man has his own set of strengths that make him feel like a man and that lie at the heart of his masculinity. Some men are more intellectuals, some have a lot of physical strength and excel at things like building and plumbing, etc.

Let me just start with a few common situations in which a woman’s true temperament can be witnessed:

– when her man doesn’t help around the house

– when he leaves his rubbish, dirty clothes, etc all over the house

– when he is “lazy”

– when he is ‘checking out’ other women

– when he forgets a special date

– when he doesn’t express his feelings

– when he loses his job or gets a pay-cut

– when his business fails

– when he loses a large sum of money

– when he has a drinking problem

– when he smokes, gambles, looks at pornography

– when he spends more time watching or playing sports than she considers ideal

– when he spends too much time at work

– when he doesn’t pay enough attention to the children

– when he doesn’t pick up on her thoughts/feelings

– when he gets in trouble with the Law – perhaps for doing something ‘immoral’ in order to provide for his family. (Some men will do anything to provide for their family!)

These are just a few examples of situations in which a woman’s character and temperament can easily be revealed. A lot of women in today’s society want to go head-to-head with their men, ‘excel’ during a painful argument, to be ‘right’ and often women will (as the term is often used) “crack it” at their men, and keep tabs on them and control them like their man was their child. In fact, pretty much every woman I know (who hasn’t been exposed to the wonderful wisdom and understanding of femininity and the dynamics between man and woman) treat their boyfriend and husbands this way.

The problem is also, that their men let these women walk all over them because they ‘fear’ their wives or girlfriends. Men everywhere are doing this. They fear spending some money on a set of golf clubs for fear that their wife will crack it at them, or get upset. They fear playing sports in case their wife will get temperamental about it, etc.

A lot of men are walking around on eggshells. I have known women who break their husband’s golf clubs because they hate their husbands spending so much time on golf. Obviously, I’m not saying the relationships problems they have are entirely the woman’s fault, but this does show a lack of understanding of men.

A woman’s temperament and a man’s love

If something upsets you or angers you, you will know that you have deeper feelings, and the anger and resentment that you show in dealing with the situation are most definitely a coping mechanism/facade. A way for you to get your significance/certainty back when you feel it is lost (I am not saying it’s not OK to be angry, it’s fine to have anger – it’s more about how you treat others as a result of your emotions, and also about how you use your emotions for the better).

As counter-intuitive as it is, you will have a much better result with your man if you show your vulnerabilities, and even cry when you are upset/angry. 

(Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

My feeling is that most men cannot leave a woman who is vulnerable. However, you can BET he’s going to be able to leave you (not always permanently, I mean also leaving the house momentarily, etc) if you make him walk on eggshells, make him fear your temper, and try to control him.

A lot of women take that “I’ll kick him in the balls” approach. This won’t command respect from him, and will not encourage his masculinity, it will just slowly but surely make him resent you! I’m not trying to discourage you having a feisty side to you, as that can be useful! I am just saying that using your anger/pain in a better way will get you to a better result, and ensure you greater happiness. A lot of women do not realize this, but your vulnerability is your power.

What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…

We all have choices…..

So, if you do have a bit of a raging temper, I would suggest that every time you are in a heated moment, to remind yourself in that split second (a ‘moment’ – and we all have a moment where we can make a defining decision) to make a choice. To make a choice to step up and focus on the positive outcomes of being vulnerable instead of going head-to-head with your man. (read my article about why do men pull away)

Ultimately, this just means that there will be 2 masculine egos at work which don’t help anyone! Of showing sadness/tears instead of aggression and resentment, or to show support for your man when it is the hardest to show. To be understanding and considerate. To let go and to be free is one of the best things that you can do for your relationship with your man.

A masculine man needs a feminine woman of better moral standing whom he can look up to. Something ethereal and a woman of worthy character. If a woman is dealing with situations in a masculine way, it will do little to serve her relationship.

Some examples of responses you can choose instead:

– calmness

– serenity

– humility

– free-hearted rather than defensive

– emotional rather than having her defenses up

– thoughtful rather than thoughtless (thinks before she speaks)

– the ability to be more submissive in character rather than fighting, whether intellectually or emotionally (a woman should still definitely hold her own and not ‘play dumb’). It’s more about honoring the different energies between masculine/feminine and not breaking down the foundations of your passion and love by arguing with him like a man would!

– the ability to show your vulnerabilities rather than hide them (to give your man a chance to step up and take care of you, and to feel like your man)

– using emotion and her intuition instead of “reasoning”, “reality” and “factual” arguments. (Again, a woman does need to have this in her character. I believe a woman should definitely be able to think factual – but it’s not where she lives. There needs to be a balance).

– understanding rather than rash, defensive and judgmental

-It’s important to remember that whatever people are doing, there is always a reason. And you are not going to make the world a better place by judging them. But you will by understanding them.

This especially applies to your man. In times when his sense of pride is being challenged, maybe at work or around his friends, it is important that he knows he can rely on your feminine strength (your belief in him, and your positive words). When I say tolerance, I don’t mean that you have to ignore or suppress your feelings. I mean that it will serve you better to seek understanding rather than being judgmental.

– note: tolerance = acceptance of others’ uniqueness. A knowing and accepting that people are all different. And knowing that just like you, they have feelings too.

– nurturing

– leaning towards a cheerfulness rather than being a constant criticizer. A lot of men prefer to spend their time on golf, cars, drinking, football, beer, prostitutes, or whatever because they have no compelling reason to return home to their wives. If you want your husband or boyfriend to be more considerate of you, just be more understanding of him, and give him a reason to want to be with you.

As well as the feminine appearance, the feminine temperament is so important. You must develop traits that are typical of a worthy character. Feminine women should be a symbol of life, freedom, and serenity. Anyway, that’s all for this article. Be sure to say hi in the comments section if you haven’t yet, I’d love to hear from you! 🙂

The quest is not to be perfect, for we can never ever be perfect. The quest is more about becoming a woman of value.

I know you want to understand how your man behaves and thinks, we just have a program that will help you gain an understanding of men. Click here to read more about our program Understanding Men and lessen your relationship problems.

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

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Seyneb Said
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Seyneb Said

Hey, Renee and all those lovely ladies worling with her , I really appreciate your writing Id love to know your opinion on something I have been struggling with for a while now. I have had this strong feelings for a man for many years. At first I didny wany to accept it but recently I did. Based on what I learned here , I was rejecting my feelings , those are a aprt of me. I just feel confused about what to do next, he doesn’t seem to.be interested and I dont know how to move past these intense… Read more »

Georgiana
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Georgiana

Hi, Great article. I am a “taught strong personality with attitude women” and your articles made me understand what my partner wants to say that he likes feminine, soft women, not with attitude, cause 2 strong personalities will never work, women needs to act like women, not like man ….and he seems to be offended when I have “attitude” (cause when I don’t like something, I say “bye” and leave)…and when I asked him why he cannot love me, he says that because I am not feminine and soft and that he left the other girlfriend because she has a… Read more »

Nat
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Nat

Hello :),

All the suggested solutions for dealing with a hurting situation are rather peaceful, which would also usually be my approach.

In Understanding Men, David said that it is normal that feminine and masculine energies collide from time to time and that they should collide.

But what about fighting? Should you fight for keeping the passion? How and how much can you fight?

Thank you,

N.

m
Guest
m

Hi,

My girlfriend is very temperamental. I do not want to leave her because of who she is, I love her. How can I enlighten her without offending or causing any arguments? This article is very accurate with how men would like their significant other to be.

Thanks,
M

Carla
Guest
Carla

This really helped thanks a lot. 🙂 I’m an avid reader of your articles. I just want your advice and I want to share my story. I’m in a 2 years and a half relationship now. I’m 18 years old and now 8 months pregnant. my parents don’t allow my relationship with my boyfriend after they’ve known that I’m pregnant. My father is very religious and conforms all the decisions in this problem on God’s words. However, my boyfriend and I still hold on in our relationship. We still keep our communication. We do not meet each other much unless… Read more »

a
Guest
a

My man left me instantly last night. He asked me if I was going to put our son to bed. I told him I didn’t mind if he stays up a little while longer to watch tv. Then he asked if I care whether our son goes to bed. I pointed out he’s his son too and that he can also put him to bed. He immediately got dressed and left. I was calm in the discussion. However, I also felt targeted and confused. He came home in the morning, changed clothes and still has not called or come back.… Read more »

Mona
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Mona

I know nothing about your situation, and whether your man is out of work out of choice, but I wouldn’t think so, in which case it is really difficult for him to have self esteem and feel like a man. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that it must be very hard for you as well, but if you don’t want to make it any harder by having disharmony in the home, let him have the last word when you notice that he is getting worked up over something. But that’s just my – a laywoman’s – $0.02.

a
Guest
a

Thank you Nana and Mona. I guess the other thing that puzzles me is that day he spent the entire day at his mom’s house. I took our son with me to do laundry that day. Then I came upstairs to cook dinner. It seems bitchy wives get all the respect.

Joan
Guest
Joan

Bitchy has its place, when you feel that way and only in authenticity. But its only a small part of femininity. Vulnerability works much better. I know its harder, I still want to hold my pride and fight like a man really I do. And I used to. The fights were terrible. And he never considered my feelings. Last time we fought I was vulnerable. The pain was terrible so the tears were authentic. He sat down and wrote me a long letter, sort of apologizing(he’s very proud bushman). There were never letters before. I know the letter was not… Read more »

a
Guest
a

Thanks Joan!

Yasinta
Guest
Yasinta

Hi Renee, I’d like to ask your input, this is about other people, not our man. what do you suggest if there is a situation where our anger is accumulated, like this particular problem I have with my boss, he is in his 60s, and since a year ago he got promoted which caused him got pressure. It made him become an anoying person, we used to look up to him but now he don’t care about anything other than his work done (and don’t care how it done). As a 5,5 years secretary I know him and his carrachter,… Read more »

Gayou
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Gayou

Hi Renee I need some help cause I’m french and I don’t understand verry well all you want to say . I’m in love with self development, i’m feeling very stuck in sefl-development books. What do mean about your sentence ?

” . In fact, if you think you’re stuck in self-development, it’s probably because you’re not failing fast enough! ”

Looooove from France ♥

Holly
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Holly

You would think people would be grateful that their other half’s have a life of their own, never mind smashing up the golf clubs or whatever. They would soon have something to moan about if there other half was by their side every free moment. Hopefully this is the minority your talking about. Some men are this way inclined also. My ex would never go out with his friends at a certain point, I felt that I didn’t have any time or breathing space. This is what makes me think theres a truth to astrology as quite a few men… Read more »

Olivia
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Olivia

Hi! I have been trying to find an answer to my problem with my previous problem: CRYING. He was really masculine in every way, but got seriously angry and distant whenever I showed my vulnerabilities and started crying for something he had said that had hurt me. He thought that I was trying to manipulate him. What does this tell about him – is he masculine or not, or is it just about some old fears that he has? He was really often asking me to be “tuff” and to be like a guy, and he’s opinion was that I… Read more »

Nana
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Nana

Hi Olivia, Renee will probably come and give you a more accurate and better answer but here is some thoughts of me, knowing that I’m not an expert 😀 The problem with crying is that your man can easily feel blame. When you cry, your man think he did something wrong, he could not take care of you and this is something men hate. So maybe, when you cry, try to find the right words not to blame the man. You can explain to him that you are very emotional and are easily hurt but that it’s not obligatory his… Read more »

Ariel
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Ariel

Hello beautiful Renee,

How should I respond if my man is stressed out and has a mean attitude (mostly about financial problems) and he says I’m not “there for him” even when he acts mean even though I feel as though I am. And it really hurts my feelings. Sometimes, I do just grow quiet and close down when he says a mean comment and I can feel myself slowly resenting him.
I do love him but I don’t want my resentment to damage our relationship forever.

Any advice from anyone?

Mona
Guest
Mona

Hi Renee, I love your page. Some of your points I have already lived by before I discovered you, but I have learned so much more since I have been reading your articles, and I believe it’s a lifelong journey. I have been married for 15 years and it has always been from ok to good, no major problems, but since I have been studying men it has been amazing, we can’t keep our hands off each other, can’t wait to see each other, it’s like we just met, but better, because there is trust and security at the same… Read more »

Gracie
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Gracie

yay for you!

Nana
Guest
Nana

The part about women treating their men like kids and their men being feared of them is so true…And as you said it is not only women’s fault. The fact is, there is something wrong in men : they’re often not “man enough”. I actually believe that most of the women yelling on their men, controlling them on everything, are just pushing the limits again and again to get a reaction from their men. They want the limits, they want their men to show them that YES they are men and they won’t let anyone control their lives, starting with… Read more »

Amber
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Amber

Spot on! Truly! Are my conscious? 🙂

Heather
Guest
Heather

Sadly, our society has also made we women feel it’s bad to BE feminine. We’re called weak and needy and emotional. So, thank you women in your 50’s and 60’s for burning your bras and demanding we go into the workforce and earn a living. What we’ve effectively done is screw up gender roles to the point where men aren’t sure what they’re supposed to do and women are left to pick up the slack and act as both man AND woman while also supressing their femininity.

bonye portia
Guest
bonye portia

dearest,i am going through a lot now in ma love life.i am the implusive type.i always ask for a break up wen am not always ready for.i just asked ma boyfriend for a break up but i still love him.please what do i do.

Rochelle
Guest
Rochelle

” using emotion and her intuition instead of “reasoning”, “reality” and “factual” arguments. (Again, a woman does need to have this in her character. I believe a woman should definitely be able to think factual – but it’s not where she lives. There needs to be a balance).” Absolutely! And I feel like society has taught women to only go with factual logic and what is heard, rather than intuition and emotions. I believe it’s part of the whole feminism vs femininity revolution. Intuition is real not a myth. most of the time when a man would say or do… Read more »

TamSam
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TamSam

I NEEDED THIS!! I’ve been the woman described in this article

Thx!

Claire
Guest
Claire

Dearest Renee (and all feminine women), These articles are saving me. I read them over and over. I never thought I was feminine or masculine. I just thought I was a person. And now, I see that all the choices I have made to stay and compete in this fast-paced masculine society (which I thought I was supposed to do) are killing my spirit. Before reading these articles, my life felt like it was falling apart, and, at the base, I discovered that it was because I was blatantly ignoring myself. Thanks to you, I understand why. After four years… Read more »

Renee
Guest
Renee

Dear Claire,
Thank You for stopping by and for reading.
I especially LOVE that you have the awareness to know that you can only feel alive when you don’t suppress or reject your own nature – your feminine energy.
All the best,
Renee.

Angel-eyes
Guest
Angel-eyes

This is excellent what Claire has put. It makes a’lot of sense and I questioned if my up bringing affected my core essences, such as having reason to question what or who I am. Well I can’t do that anymore, I am who I am, weather that makes me more or less of something or another. It’s an exhausting emotional mind battle trying to pigeon hole my core essence. We all have our factory settings at birth, but at the end of the day, lifes circumstances can drastically change what takes place in a persons psycho sexual development. Sadly some… Read more »

LittleOrange
Guest
LittleOrange

I disagree with this. Isn’t using tears manipulative? I’ d rather be assertive and tell him what bothers me in a calm voice.

Rochelle
Guest
Rochelle

I don’t think so if you do feel like crying. But agree you can tell him what’s bothering him in a calm voice yet focusing on how you feel about the situation rather than blaming him

Tierra
Guest
Tierra

Just saying Hi! Love the articles on femininity, you have a way of saying things that maybe hard to hear in a helpful way

Olya
Guest
Olya

I love you! 🙂

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