How to Be A Real Lady

Have you seen one lately? A lady, I mean. I had to scratch my head a few times to think of one.
There are the ‘traditional’ types of ladies, such as Audrey Hepburn and a more modern example – Kate Middleton.

Then there are the modern ladies who dress the part, but whose choices in life are coloured by the progressive world we live in.

These modern ladies may not be considered a ‘lady’ by the old style ladies.

It’s wonderful to be a classy lady, but I believe our society no longer values the ‘uptight’ women who are always trying to please and be perfectly elegant.

Being elegant all the time is terribly one dimensional. If you have to be elegant all the time, then you lose that whimsical side to your personality.

How to be a Lady

In other words, you can lose that playfulness and fluidity in your personality that makes you able to connect on multiple different levels with many different people.

I mean, just because one is a lady doesn’t mean she is to be restricted in life.

It doesn’t mean she has to be untouchable, and unable to get herself dirty.

Confining oneself to strict ladyship is terribly one-dimensional and annoying for one’s friends, family and acquaintances. 

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How To Be A Modern Lady

Firstly, to “define” our subject of interest:

Meaning of a Lady: A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behaviour. A woman who is regarded as proper and virtuous.

As you read through this article, notice what I’m doing here.

The point of this article has gone over many a person’s head over the last decade that it’s been read…

Just keep your sense of humour and an open mind, and you’ll find the real way to be a modern lady.

(If you’re on this blog, my guess is that you’re probably already somewhat a lady.)

Nonetheless, here are some tips to get you further on your way to ladyship:

1. Be generous with expressions of gratitude such as: ‘Thank You’ and ‘I appreciate that’.

2. Don’t say that you need to go to the bathroom; just excuse yourself.

3. When in doubt, dress modestly.

4. If someone smiles at you; smile back.

5. Do try to bring extra guests to an event, party or function. But ask politely first.

6. It is imperative that you develop good posture, which isn’t too hard to achieve.

7. Do say that you need to go to the bathroom, and excuse yourself.

8. Whatever you do, do it with Poise.

9. If a gentleman offers to pay for your dinner, politely accept and say ‘Thank You’.

10. If somebody gives you a lift somewhere, always say ‘Thank You’.

11. Don’t be demanding of favours. Rather, inconvenience yourself than burden others with your demands.

12. Don’t engage in casual flings purely out of personal desperation for sex. (Here’s an article on The Secret Cost Of Casual Sex For Women.)

13. Don’t keep f*** buddies.

14. Keep your natural skin colour! Ie: Rather your skin be naturally white as snow than as orange as this.

15. Don’t get fake breasts. Unless you have had an illness that necessitates fake breasts, choose authenticity and real self love over trying to “trick” men into desiring you more. The smart men value what is real.

16. Don’t be too quick to reveal your age, weight or bra size.

17. Respect a man.

18. Model after Audrey Hepburn. Or learn the art of being a classy woman here.

19. Reveal your age, weight and bra size.

20. Listen more than you speak.

21. Don’t talk on the phone in movies, in lectures, or at the dinner table.

22. Don’t respect a man if he doesn’t deserve your respect.

23. Wait for people to finish their sentences before you speak.

24. Don’t complain about the weather. You cannot change it anyway.

25. Don’t interrupt other people’s conversations. Politely wait.

26. Wait to be served or to ask a question, even if it is a quick question.

27. Don’t discuss religion or politics at the dinner table.

28. Don’t speak in a foreign language when there is another person or other people around who do not understand it.

29. Politely report and express your disappointment about a bad meal to a waiter. Don’t crack it at the waiter.

30. When in Rome, do as Romans do.

31. Be on time.

32. Apologize for being late.

33. Call if you are going to be late.

34. Respect other people’s opinions. Don’t shove your views in their faces as gospel.

35. Don’t be tyrannical.

36. Hear others out before assuming your way of doing things is the superior way.

37. Believe you are number one. (Here’s an article that will show you how to be the number one high value woman!)

38. Shine the light upon others.

39. Be modest in character.

40. Don’t think you are number one.

41. Don’t laugh at other people’s misfortune.

42. Give other people credit if they have helped you (even if they don’t know they helped you). Give more than they “deserve”.

43. Assume every day is a new beginning.

44. Don’t burp or fart out loud in front of people.

45. Think before you speak.

46. Don’t scare people (within context).

47. Don’t wear the same jacket as everybody else.

48. Don’t carry weapons.

49. If you say you will do something, follow up on it.

50. Honour anyone who has ever helped you. And never forget that they have helped you.

51. Wear the same jacket as everybody else.

52. Be charming.

53. Don’t tell sexist or racist jokes.

54. Always RSVP to events.

55. Don’t use call waiting. Use an answering machine instead.

56. Don’t lead men on.

57. Don’t flirt with men you’re not interested in.

58. Always leave a tip. (Oops).

59. Have a tidy appearance.

60. Keep good personal hygiene.

61. Have messy hair.

62. Recognize inconsistencies in personality for what they are. Inconsistencies. A chance to re-align your values. These do not define a person.

63. Know the value of femininity and How To Be Soft and Feminine.

64. Respect your neighbors and close the windows and doors when you are getting frisky with your man. (Common sense is not always so common).

65. Treat people as equals.

66. Make mistakes. Be obvious about it.

67. Honor your mistakes.

68. When leaving a social function, always say goodbye to everyone you spoke to.

69. Win some false friends and true enemies. And know you’ve succeeded anyway.

70. Be reasonable.

71. Be unreasonable. Reasonable people are stuck in their own limited version of reality.

72. Think carefully before you do something you regret. Instead, ask yourself: “what do I REALLY, truly value in my life?”

73. Ask yourself: “where’s the good in this?”

74. Remember, you are MORE than your behavior.

75. Accept the features you have been given, and in turn, accept other people’s features.

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Now over to you. Yes, you! 🙂

So what does being a lady mean to you? What tips have you got for us? Any questions about my list? Confusions? Feel free to type away!


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i actually get the contradictory statements that she’s made to be honest, it’s about revealing what one must not reveal to quickly that one should reveal given the right context and choices that one makes with a good man perhaps even the right man for a woman too. I think every “rule” here is pretty accurate in terms of having excellent standards for oneself & ones spiritual being too. It’s literally like pretending you are royalty however without the entitlement & stuffiness (not to say any royalty is like that 😂). I would say that every rule all 75 really… Read more »


Is there a specific reason a lady shouldn’t have fake breasts ? I have extremely tiny ones and I have such a lack of self confidence from it I don’t think I’ll ever get over it so I wanted to get implants but very natural looking ones nothing to big for my body or too round


I am a raving fun of yours Renee, but seriously this article is sh*t compared to most of your work. It shows that when you wrote it you were not the open and free woman you appear to be now…. The article is full of rules/sayings that are so cliche and serve nothing of value actually… Most of your content is wholesome and of great value, so you are in fact doing a disservice to your cause by keeping this article on your blog! Sorry for being blunt but i am unapologetically not a lady. I wish you the best… Read more »


Well we are all followers to this blog aren’t we? If you’ve noticed, rarely you can see someone who becomes truly feminine with a list of rules. On the contrary, if you are feminine at core, you can tell what to do for yourself. I think Renee did it on purpose. Instead of fussing over each rule, there are some core values of being a true lady. To name a few: 1. Think of others and truly give. When you are considerate and providing others with value, you can be respected. And you shine. 2. Although you are important, you… Read more »


Vreneli, I think she meant dont reveal but at the same time reveal. It depends.


Renee… you are actually very often saying one thing then a few lines later saying the exact contrary

dont reveal your weight and bra size
further down: do reveal your weight and bra size..

maybe you should go through the list again.. it has several ones like these!!

Reply to  Vreneli

Oh… you don’t understand the point at all.

Contradictions in a how to be ____ list means that if you personally want to do it, then go on and do it, and if you personally don’t want to do it, then don’t do it.

Here’s a shorter simpler version:

One way to be a lady: If you think you’re a lady, then you are a lady, no matter how “unladylike” or “ladylike” you are, or if others don’t think you’re a lady. That’s it.

Deidre Bailey
Deidre Bailey

great tips.


I have found one rule that answers all questions…the Golden Rule of Do Unto Others…..I can apply this to almost anything in life and find the right answer.

i.e….if you are eating for instance, do you want to hear someone announce that they need to go to the bathroom? I sure as heck don’t…lol


I send my whole-hearted thanks for providing me with an article to substantiate my claim that society is too genderized. Thank you for exerting pressure of today’s women to act a certain way to be deemed attractive by the opposite sex. Societal concepts on femininity and masculinity are the reason for such competition within both sexes. Rather than advocating a strong sense of self, you’re suggesting not to “wear the same jacket as everyone else” or for women not to “carry weapons.” What constitutes a woman is subjective; maybe even based on cultural or religiously shaped morals. But this, this… Read more »

Sarah Taluy
Sarah Taluy

I think Renee is saying that in some cases you do need to e.g.Believe you are number one… but in other cases you need to e.g. shine the light on others.

So being a lady is being able to ascertain well that some situations will require one course of action, but in another it would be beneficial not to apply that rule and take a ‘contradictory’ course.


Renee, it’s funny how confused some people were about how you put “opposing” guidelines. It seems they missed the point entirely.

k jackson
k jackson

One added way to be a lady–learn how to SPELL correctly! No, not you, Renee. Learn correct grammar, like how to use an apostrophe and other punctuation.

Reply to  k jackson

Great point. Especially as in these days of text messaging, so many people no longer know how to spell and it is becoming acceptable to use bad spelling. A lady should strive for excellence and this also include writing letters. E.g. getting someones name wrong, and not cross checking if it is correct. Of course your intuition would have prompted you to check, but most of the time we dont heed this promptings and yet they are life savers.

So in addition, a Lady never ever ignores her intuition


You have contradicted yourself quite a few times in this list. For instance you tell us not to reveal that we are going to the bathroom and then a few lines down you tell us to do just what you told us not to do. I don’t mean to be rude, because I do like this list, but I was confused.

Reply to  Rebecca

She is aware of this. It is a type of irony and humor. It all depends on the situation and on what’s appropriate. Have fun with it! 🙂


That was very good and I enjoyed the great tags because it made me really believe it and I alreadyknow it’s true.


I have two questions. Should a lady cry? If something should happen in public, should a lady excuse herself and cry in private, then come out smiling like everything is dandy?

And…should a lady smoke? If she does so, is she considered trashy or glamorous?

love yourself
love yourself
Reply to  Victoria

yes because sometimes you can hadle so much and deal with other people love, time and effort. And not understand the dirt there dealing with when you are found. It hurt not to be sad or unhappy. when you looking forward a better you and not what people say about you. Even when you goin out to be and the public share yourself and the mirror only for you. And see how you can excuse to be a lady and not a cry baby. sometimes being a cry baby and I want to know why. when Jesus died for my… Read more »

Reply to  Victoria

no and yes at the same time because its good to let it out.
It;s going to be Alright.


It is a sign of the times that the phrases “model Audrey Hepburn” and “Don’t carry weapons” appear on the same list. LOL


You don’t have to be white to be a lady!! I’m with Brown eyed beauty. As for breast implants, fake nail etc i do feel that we should accept ourselves the way we are. And i find fake nails and breast implants and too much make-up really vulgar. I’m all for natural beauty. It’s underrated

Reply to  Chantel

I correct myself… i had misintepreted the “skin white as snow” part. I do agree and i think it’s also for other races who try to lighten their complexion ending up with more or less the same result. Embrace your skin colour.


Greetings, I have a question with regards to invitations and introductions. 1) Invitation: I have invited two friends to an event I was organising and both told me they were already going to another event. Both offered me to join them though. That’s the first time this happens and it’s quite weird to me, as I can’t go to an event since I am already organising one at the same time. But that might be a sort of extreme politeness, anyway. One of the event is just round the corner from where my event is, and is due to finish… Read more »


It is my opinion that Ms. Sara, Ms. Brown, and Ms. Kate wrote the best responses. Honestly, I am quite disappointed with the author’s statement. A lady doesn’t carry weapons? Perhaps more women should read a few biographies of real women in history.
Thank you to all of the ladies who responded with intelligent comments, incase other young women stumble across this topic.


I think a true lady will know when and where to put her own rules in place and how to act accordingly. As for don’t get fake breasts? what is that? People should be comfortable with how they look and feel, it has nothing to do with being lady. Don’t carry weapons?! a lady is always prepared no matter what the situation calls for. a lady must be able to protect herself unless she is with a gentlemen who is fit to defend both parties. Don’t get a tan? again people are allowed to change themselves accordingly to feel more… Read more »

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