High Powered Career, Trust and Your Relationship with Great Men
As a graduated student with a double degree in Law/Arts, I perfectly understand the desire to keep a well-earned career. It’s a woman’s birthright.
But what if you and I just asked each other why?
Why do we do the hard work and choose the high powered, kick-ass careers in the first place?
Well, the answer, based on our survival instinct – is to just make some damn money to survive.
But money. We need money to make a life for ourselves. Money is a good tool to have.
But what about when we’ve made enough money? What is it about then?
What if we have a well established career, and enough money in the bank? Why do we continue the job then?
It could be because it’s the ‘thing to do’ – and we wouldn’t know what to do with our life if it wasn’t our career.
It could be because of a need to gather more resources (money), because of a sense of duty to the team, a sense of guilt, maybe because we fear what life might be like if we worked a little less, because we’ve got children to provide for, etc. There’s lots of reasons to continue a high powered career even when we’ve got enough money to last a while.
There’s nothing wrong with having a high powered position – it’s empowering for women.
The only problem comes when we work so hard so frequently and become so good at being able to take care of everything in our life that men either don’t sense room for them. Our energy is so closed from being stressed all the time that we can’t open emotionally.
Sometimes we are such experts at what we do that we also just put out an energy of ‘I only trust myself’ and ‘I’ve got my own way’ – expecting it not to have a cost in our dating opportunities.
Well, as awesome as it is to have our own way, it has a cost.
Not just in the sense of costing us a relationship because it may not cost us the status of a “relationship” at all.
It may just cost us the kind of men that we deeply want.
“Where are all the good men these days?”
We wonder “where are all the good men these days?”
And the answer is – they’re everywhere.
But the fact that we’r asking where they are can mean that our sense of yoga goddess, spiritual evolvement and that our high powered position sometimes causes a kind of closure in our bodies that stops committed, admirable, capable men from finding us relationship material.
I didn’t say men wouldn’t be interested in sex or find you sexy – they still will, but I did say that the closure our high powered careers can cause in our body can lead us to come across as the ‘one of many’ kind of woman over the ‘one and only’ kind of woman.
If you want to understand more about the category of ‘one of many’ versus ‘one and only’ – my husband gives the best information on this and he’s the real deal too. Go here to enjoy:
As a dominant, high value man – you want a woman who has the willingness to surrender to you – you don’t want a woman who puts out her own directedness preferentially over your own – because it leaves no vulnerability and no room for her to trust him.
This trust allows for him to be inspired to commit. It adds so much more value to him romantically and for him to want to commit to you – than you having some walls up because you only trust yourself.
No this isn’t about letting a man dominate you – and yet, it is, in some ways. And what is so wrong with that – unless he has bad intentions for you?
If women won’t admit to wanting to be taken by a dominant man – they’ll just go and read 50 shades of grey to experience their body’s true desire. Right?
So what does this mean?
It means that there’s a huge cost in our love life if we allow ourselves to put out blocked off and closed off energy because good, sexy, dominant men don’t feel compelled to enter a relationship with a woman who doesn’t feel willing to let herself melt into her emotions and sometimes, into his masculine dominance and direction.
This is also what attraction is – this can be the beginnings of how we fall in love. We don’t realise it, but a lot of women fall in love with the men who put out the signs that they are capable, intelligent and resourceful.
If we put that energy out in the dating world – what do you think will happen??
That’s a serious question. I think it’s important for everyone to think about.
When we ‘become’ our high powered, dominant position – we spend less time in our relaxed, natural sexual energy that is just waiting for a man to come and take us somewhere that we’ve never been before.
Then there’s the issue of choosing our career to meet our human needs over choosing a relationship to meet our needs. (investing in our career over relationship)
The career makes us feel worthy, and it is easier going to a career to feel worthy than it is going to a man or relationship.
Ie: we go to our career to cement our illusion of ‘safety’ and ‘importance’ in this world. And hey, fair enough – it feels more risky and scary to meet those needs in a relationship than it does in our career. Because we truly have to invest ourselves emotionally, and take a risk, emotionally.
When our career meets our needs too well…
Essentially, if our career meets our needs so heavily – and we’re not willing to invest our needs in, or invest vulnerably in a relationship with a man – we aren’t relationship material (from the man’s perspective), even if we do want a relationship, because there just isn’t a calling for a high value man.
There’s no room for him; therefore he doesn’t perceive value in entering a relationship and staying committed.
High powered career can equal trusting your own path in life more than a man’s
Let’s say you’re a CEO of a big company (well done girl!). You’re 36 years old – you’ve got things down pat – you work 11 hours a day. You call the shots – people trust you people listen to you – people come to you for advice.
What is happening here?
Well, you’re so good at what you do, and you do it so regularly, that it has become your identity.
So instead of equally identifying yourself with showing up as a freely vulnerable, open, feminine woman; you’re potentially allowing the pointed “get things done, got things handled” energy in yourself to become so well-practised that a man would see that immediately through your body – because your body trains for CEO position every single day.
Nothing wrong with that.
But what if you want a high value, dominant man?!
What if you’re looking for a manly man?
You don’t want a second-rate man, you want a dominant one?
You don’t have to give up your career to have a dominant man
Well, all this does not require that you give up your career.
But what it does require is two things:
- The awareness that your career is what your body does every day, and how you appear to men is likely to be a woman with a strong ‘direction’ in your life. That means that the surrendered feminine energy and loving affection a lot of dominant men are looking for is just not showing up there in your body.
- That if you don’t want to give up your career, you need to be willing to at least try to give up your direction and open your body’s energy to be expressed – valuing his direction and masculine strength for the sake of your relationship – even if he is not as intelligent as you are – and even if his direction in life is not as strong as yours – all this for the sake of having a beautiful relationship develop for you over time. For the sake of love. For the sake of having masculine/feminine polarity.
And then there’s the thought that we need to