High Powered Career, Trust and Your Relationship with Great Men

As a graduated student with a double degree in Law/Arts, I perfectly understand the desire to keep a well-earned career. It’s a woman’s birthright.

Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”

But what if you and I just asked each other why?

Why do we do the hard work and choose the high powered, kick-ass careers in the first place?

Well, the answer, based on our survival instinct – is to just make some damn money to survive.

And status.

But money. We need money to make a life for ourselves. Money is a good tool to have.

But what about when we’ve made enough money? What is it about then?

What if we have a well established career, and enough money in the bank? Why do we continue the job then?

It could be because it’s the ‘thing to do’ – and we wouldn’t know what to do with our life if it wasn’t our career.

It could be because of a need to gather more resources (money), because of a sense of duty to the team, a sense of guilt, maybe because we fear what life might be like if we worked a little less, because we’ve got children to provide for, etc. There’s lots of reasons to continue a high powered career even when we’ve got enough money to last a while.

There’s nothing wrong with having a high powered position – it’s empowering for women.

The only problem comes when we work so hard so frequently and become so good at being able to take care of everything in our life that men either don’t sense room for them. Our energy is so closed from being stressed all the time that we can’t open emotionally.

Sometimes we are such experts at what we do that we also just put out an energy of ‘I only trust myself’ and ‘I’ve got my own way’ – expecting it not to have a cost in our dating opportunities.

Well, as awesome as it is to have our own way, it has a cost.

Not just in the sense of costing us a relationship because it may not cost us the status of a “relationship” at all.

It may just cost us the kind of men that we deeply want.

Because…

“Where are all the good men these days?”

We wonder “where are all the good men these days?”

And the answer is – they’re everywhere.

But the fact that we’r asking where they are can mean that our sense of yoga goddess, spiritual evolvement and that our high powered position sometimes causes a kind of closure in our bodies that stops committed, admirable, capable men from finding us relationship material.

I didn’t say men wouldn’t be interested in sex or find you sexy – they still will, but I did say that the closure our high powered careers can cause in our body can lead us to come across as the ‘one of many’ kind of woman over the ‘one and only’ kind of woman.

If you want to understand more about the category of ‘one of many’ versus ‘one and only’ – my husband gives the best information on this and he’s the real deal too. Go here to enjoy:

http://commitmenttriggers.com/two-traits-of-women-men-fall-in-love-with/

As a dominant, high value man – you want a woman who has the willingness to surrender to you – you don’t want a woman who puts out her own directedness preferentially over your own – because it leaves no vulnerability and no room for her to trust him.

This trust allows for him to be inspired to commit. It adds so much more value to him romantically and for him to want to commit to you – than you having some walls up because you only trust yourself.

No this isn’t about letting a man dominate you – and yet, it is, in some ways. And what is so wrong with that – unless he has bad intentions for you?

If women won’t admit to wanting to be taken by a dominant man – they’ll just go and read 50 shades of grey to experience their body’s true desire. Right?

So what does this mean?

It means that there’s a huge cost in our love life if we allow ourselves to put out blocked off and closed off energy because good, sexy, dominant men don’t feel compelled to enter a relationship with a woman who doesn’t feel willing to let herself melt into her emotions and sometimes, into his masculine dominance and direction.

This is also what attraction is – this can be the beginnings of how we fall in love. We don’t realise it, but a lot of women fall in love with the men who put out the signs that they are capable, intelligent and resourceful.

If we put that energy out in the dating world – what do you think will happen??

That’s a serious question. I think it’s important for everyone to think about.

When we ‘become’ our high powered, dominant position – we spend less time in our relaxed, natural sexual energy that is just waiting for a man to come and take us somewhere that we’ve never been before.

Also…

Then there’s the issue of choosing our career to meet our human needs over choosing a relationship to meet our needs. (investing in our career over relationship)

The career makes us feel worthy, and it is easier going to a career to feel worthy than it is going to a man or relationship.

Ie: we go to our career to cement our illusion of ‘safety’ and ‘importance’ in this world. And hey, fair enough – it feels more risky and scary to meet those needs in a relationship than it does in our career. Because we truly have to invest ourselves emotionally, and take a risk, emotionally.

When our career meets our needs too well…

Essentially, if our career meets our needs so heavily – and we’re not willing to invest our needs in, or invest vulnerably in a relationship with a man – we aren’t relationship material (from the man’s perspective), even if we do want a relationship, because there just isn’t a calling for a high value man.

There’s no room for him; therefore he doesn’t perceive value in entering a relationship and staying committed.

Take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”

High powered career can equal trusting your own path in life more than a man’s

Let’s say you’re a CEO of a big company (well done girl!). You’re 36 years old – you’ve got things down pat – you work 11 hours a day. You call the shots – people trust you people listen to you – people come to you for advice.

What is happening here?

Well, you’re so good at what you do, and you do it so regularly, that it has become your identity.

So instead of equally identifying yourself with showing up as a freely vulnerable, open, feminine woman; you’re potentially allowing the pointed “get things done, got things handled” energy in yourself to become so well-practised that a man would see that immediately through your body – because your body trains for CEO position every single day.

Nothing wrong with that.

But what if you want a high value, dominant man?!

What if you’re looking for a manly man?

You don’t want a second-rate man, you want a dominant one?

You don’t have to give up your career to have a dominant man

Well, all this does not require that you give up your career.

But what it does require is two things:

  1. The awareness that your career is what your body does every day, and how you appear to men is likely to be a woman with a strong ‘direction’ in your life. That means that the surrendered feminine energy and loving affection a lot of dominant men are looking for is just not showing up there in your body.
  2. That if you don’t want to give up your career, you need to be willing to at least try to give up your direction and open your body’s energy to be expressed – valuing his direction and masculine strength for the sake of your relationship – even if he is not as intelligent as you are – and even if his direction in life is not as strong as yours – all this for the sake of having a beautiful relationship develop for you over time. For the sake of love. For the sake of having masculine/feminine polarity.

And then there’s the thought that we need to

  • Alessante

    Hey, Renee. I have a strange situation. And, as I’m completely lost here [yes, I do adimt, this has just been daily MORE than inconvinience]..
    There’s a 72 yr. old man, whom I’ve ONLY seen at local coffee shop, and then we staretd talking politics, enviro-issues, [aka – political/interesting/serious stuff] and, apparently — a ‘persistent’ one.. But guess what? He adtmitted to a romantic interest — I am 31. How could possibly a man THAT AGE entertain an idea of a relationship with a woman who is his grand-daughter’s age??? At the very least, allowing for the men’s logic: you’d think he’d ‘evaluate’ the circumstances. [I feel I shold disclose on the FemWom that I do make more than this poor, gross,

    Why do men mis-interpret the simple small talk for ‘sexual interest’? All I wanted to be is ‘supportive’ of a man in a particular ‘health crisis’.

    Update: ‘This man, he knows where I stand, and while I care for all human beings, and help him in any ‘advisor’ role I can — I’m amazed to see what ‘plain Jones’s’ have “recommened pages by Google” surface on their pages, when someone is trying to troubleshoot their WI-FI.

  • Alessante

    It’s a good article, Renee!!! But, it’s also not very good…
    I still can’t reconcile the ‘good for you / not so good for you’ messages you convey. Losing your job is not equal to losing a man – your landlord will not evict you. Try to go up to the ‘all-average-american man’ and announce: “Relationship is EVERYTHING!” Then, watch him drive off, with the rubber burning.
    Furthermore, I’ve noticed your articles advocate the most deplorable double standard: 1) You cater to Man. 2) Man’s nature is not cater to you, sorry.
    It’s like you, the ‘Phlegming Woman’ is from another planet of ‘Submissive’, and your china-export hubby [I’ve dated some china-men who are notoriously anti-verbal-argument, and I mean ‘argument’, not a fight / passive-agressive kind…] is a [I’m half-Man; you 1/4 woman = happiness!].
    I am sorry to say this, that though I feel that I DO REALLY LIKE your ‘intention’, most of your posts are not that relevant to the US women in 2016. I’m not trying to be difficult, but I recently read an article (eh, can’t recall, but anyone can gts) how many young men are giving up on relationships (in droves), resorting to video games, pornography and sexual fetishism online…Hardly surprising to me — that men would seek out the shortest way to their immediate and guaranteed satisfaction. I [irrationally, of course] presume, you’d jump to the opportunity to make us women see how, again, we have ‘contributed’ to the trend – [but I say a big NO], and excuse the men’s and the very BASIC HUMAN NATURE TO FOLLOW THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE.

    • disqus_GB8lUuziuG

      Oh Women have ABSOLUTELY contributed to men retreating into video games, porn and lad culture! Women have made romance for men an entirely grueling and punishing process often with ZERO reward even if he gets a relationship. It is not simply about taking the path of least resistance.

      Most women now days aren’t even attractive, well physically many are, but beyond that most women are just kinda /yuk to be honest. They are manly and harsh, untrustworthy and in no way at all worth a man’s love, attention, devotion and sacrifice.

      For the right woman a man will make her the center of his life, he will live for her and die for her! Very very few women of today inspire that kind of love and commitment from a man and so men choose other ways to enjoy their life. A man cannot be a strong, dominant leader that makes her feel wanted, loved and secure if she will not yield.

  • Niki

    Renee!!!! Ure article is wonderful as usual, but…yes there is a big BUT!
    please do not encorage women to accept men who are LESS than they are!
    A woman NEEDS a man who is more powerful than what she is.
    Women should not trust a man who isnt stronger than them to make him belive he is a shit!!
    I trust and accept a man direction in mylife only when i know he is better than me(like my boyfriend! He is realy better than me in many areas and i respect his comment and he respects mine when i comment about his relationships and emotional matters! )
    But my ex… i did as u said! I trusted first… and what happened? I had a man who was thinking he is awesome! But he wasnt! I was right all the time, cus i was smarter!
    Dont encorage strong woman to be less than who they are for the sake of a stupod butiful relationship, encorage women to find mrn who are already stronger than how they are! So it would be polarity and other things!
    Tnx

  • Rehema Parmena

    When we’re working hard and building our careers I think we tend to forget to multi-task and invest just as much in our relationships by putting in a softer, more feminine energy than our 8-5s require of us. Keep up the great writing! 🙂

  • Rehema Parmena

    Brilliant article!!!!

  • nena

    That’s a brilliant article as always!and the d** thing so funny and a aha moment for me!dominant men often do crazy things to make us put aside our ego and surrender!!!we should think with our heart first before getting offended all the time!!!thank you thank you thank you renee!!!

  • Akanksha Anand

    Hi Renee….thanks so much for a very thought provoking article again but this time I am confused….I believe that each one of us….man or woman….have their own purpose…and if I am passionate about pursuing mine….shouldn’t a high value man actually be supportive??! Let me follow my path..for that is my calling….doesn’t take away from the fact that I would trust him and value him and his advice….only that should not require me giving up on my passion! And as equally I would be his best cheerleader for all that he wants to achieve or believes in….for himself and for me!!! Isn’t that what love is about….to support each other?? Why should having your own individuality take away from your togetherness?? Isn’t it supposed to go together…balanced?? So I ask….why would a high value man want me to give up on my own direction…my own calling…before he can feel that I have room for him? Why wouldn’t he love a woman who values her calling without taking anything away from him & actually wanting to do her best to make it all work?

    • J.a. Ct

      A high value woman does have her own interests and passions. She is not in a value taking state. She insists on alone time to pursue such things which is very healthy for the relationship. This space allows both people to grow individually and as a couple.

      The issue I think Renee tried to highlight is career or income pursuits should not overshadow one’s life. It is becoming an issue that has directly affected dating and marriage.High value males are generally Alpha. Polarity is disappearing where more woman embrace their masculine energy.

      • Akanksha Anand

        Yeah well that definitely makes sense! 🙂 ….I guess…all I was trying to put across was that…that there are times when you must give precedence to your career and then there are times when you definitely must give precedence to your relationship!! An Alpha high value man would be supportive in both those times..right? And your choice….in either of the situations doesn’t take away from your feminine energy??

        • J.a. Ct

          When you do not make him a priority, he will move on. Why should he make you a priority but you won’t do the same? The key here is to strike a balance between the two. You do lose the feminine energy when there is lack of balance. Both the career and the man are both masculine poles.

          • Akanksha Anand

            I hear you 🙂

      • Unreal

        What BS. Let me tell you the truth. Alpha men aren’t threatened by careers or strong women because alphas aren’t threatened by anything. They’re secure in themselves and want someone who brings something to the table besides a p*y and a weak disposition. Never in my life have I dated an alpha male who was threatened by my job.

        Hint: if you think like this (women having jobs is destroying humanity), you’re not an alpha.

  • Eros

    Thank you for another thought-provoking article, Renee, except for one thing.
    God owns my soul, period.

    • That’s fine by me! 🙂

      • Eros

        My heart & body is for my hottie! 🙂

  • J.a. Ct

    One definition of a high value person is independence. How is one
    independent if they enslave themselves to the subscriptions of
    materialism? Isn’t materialism in its’ most raw sense nothing more than a
    mere distraction to self-realization? The dichotomy of money is as
    Henry David Thoreau once wrote ” The price of anything is the amount of
    life you exchange for it”. This situation is further complicated by the
    lack of polarity in the work place. We see more and more Alpha females
    as a result. Alpha males beget beta females, not the opposite. Western
    society dismissed Marx’s “Manfesto to the Communist Party”. However, the
    understated genius of his work is he understood the fabric destroying
    venture of capitalism.

    While there is nothing wrong with the
    female presence in the workplace, the cost of the duality has been
    grave. As much as we are lulled to believe we can alter primordialism,
    our will does not succeed genetic coding. There is a desperate need for
    balance and deeper understanding that we are not whole as souls through
    materialistic means.

    • Ah, yes, thanks for sharing Henry David Thoreau’s quote. Perfect.” The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it”.

    • Pooja Pophale

      Indeed!Many people do jobs they don’t love to buy things they don’t need.

  • J.a. Ct

    One definition of a high value person is independence. How is one independent if they enslave themselves to the subscriptions of materialism? Isn’t materialism in its’ most raw sense nothing more than a mere distraction to self-realization? The dichotomy of money is as Henry David Thoreau once wrote ” The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it”. This situation is further complicated by the lack of polarity in the work place. We see more and more Alpha females as result. Alpha males beget beta females, not the opposite. Western society dismissed Marx’s “Manfesto to the Communist Party”. However, the understated genius of his work is he understood the fabric destroying venture of capitalism.

    While there is nothing wrong with the female presence in the workplace, the cost of the duality has been grave. As much as we are lulled to believe we can alter primordialism, our will does not succeed genetic coding. There is a desperate need for balance and deeper understanding that we are not whole as souls through materialistic means.

    The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
    Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/henrydavid106427.html
    The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
    Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/henry_david_thoreau_4.html
    The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
    Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/henry_david_thoreau_4.html

  • Deb

    This is one of the most eye opening aha moments I’ve ever had and I’ve been a life coach for 15 years! It was like you were speaking directly to me. Thank You!!!

    • Not sure if you were writing to me or J.a. Ct Deb! But thanks for being here nonetheless. And thanks for commenting.

  • mini

    But why many successful, intelligence women are well sought after by men? These women are actually very sexy. Who wants dump girls?
    High capability and intelligence actually raise our social status in others’ eyes. I suppose that doesn’t lower women’s attractiveness?

    • Define “sought after”? and are the men after these women the kinds of men you would fall in love with, or respect?

      Don’t mistake attention for anything valuable. Many men will give attention and seek after almost anything – falling in love with a woman, and committing to a woman is totally different than seeking after her.

      • mini

        Thanks for reply, Renee.

        But like in the movie, “prince of persia” or “gone with the wind”, the heroines are intelligent, witty, independent, fun and capable. Aren’t those qualities considered sexy in everyone’s eyes?

        Of all the powerful men in the world, their wives are usually very well educated. Obama’s wife was a lawyer. Zukerberg’s wife was a doctor.

        Isn’t women standing up for themselves and have their own minds considered attractive, and these are also the necessary traits to survive in this world?

        I’m not saying women should boss men around. Obama and Zukerberg’s wives probably don’t.

        But the capable, intelligent and resourceful vibe women put out usually don’t repel men, at least men who are confident enough? And it doesn’t mean those women like bossing men around?

        • Lisa_Marie

          I don’t think Renee is saying to not put out the vibe of being capable, intelligent and resourceful, and/or to be a girl instead of being a woman. Great and worthy men definitely admire these strong traits in women. I know my fiancé does! And I love them too – I’m a lawyer who litigates for a living. I have a reputation (dare I say…) for being intelligent, assertive, dominant and for not taking crap from others.

          However, with my fiancé – who an Alpha male (strong, assertive, dominant etc.), I show another part of myself – the team player who looks out for both of us, and softness and vulnerability. I allow myself to show him my doubts, emotions, and occasional volatility and irrationality. I love to snuggle into him and feel his arms around me, protecting me. I trust him and I’m open to him with my feelings and thoughts, and he knows it.

          Don’t get me wrong – he also sees and experiences my intelligence, dominance, capability and assertiveness. We actually met through work! The difference is that I don’t hold up these traits as a weapon or even as a defence against him. I don’t tell him (in words or actions) that I can do everything myself and that I don’t need him. He’s knows and finds it very sexy that I can do everything myself, but he loves that I allow him to do things for me, like open car doors, lift heavy items or lead me through a crowd of people.

          I think Renee is saying that a woman needs to show trust, vulnerability and openness to a man to get him to commit. You don’t have to compromise who you are to get that commitment. You just need to let him see the other side to yourself that is more vulnerable, soft and less in control. And everyone has that side to them…even the toughest and most independent person.

          • Sounds like you’re in a great relationship Lisa_Marie! 🙂

          • Holly

            Great comment Lisa_Marie! I really admire your ability to balance the very different energies required for your career and for your relationship.

            Personally, I struggle with this on both sides – being assertive enough at work and being “surrendered” enough in relationships, and I strongly suspect other women do too. I find it can be very tiring mentally and emotionally to be constantly evaluating and switching my “state” (and to be honest I don’t think this is something men have to worry about much in their lives). It sounds like you’re a natural – perhaps you’ve had some good role models or you’re super-savvy and figured this stuff out early on…

            I think it’s fair to say that this constant “switching” or balancing of energies often doesn’t come as naturally as it does for Lisa_Marie, and it can feel like yet another thing to tick off on the endless self-improvement list.

            So to the “non-naturals” like me, let’s just hang in there, keep trying the best we can and please please let’s not feel like this is just another thing to beat ourselves up over. 🙂

            Peace and love xx

  • Lucia

    Agreed. But it would be easier if men could inspire us to open up…Most of the times when they get the direction in a relationship they do things their own way without considering our needs…Besides, once this strategy is applied and it fails, the body reacts instinctively when it comes to opening up again…In certain countries we have it really difficult, we simply need to survive and we work so hard for little money, without being top executives. Because even our own families wouldn’t be there for us in case we failed. I think I need hypnotherapy in order to reprogram myself at a subconscious level as at a conscious one I am clearly unable to do so.

    • J.a. Ct

      A high value man will inspire a woman to open up. The problem is such a man seeks a truly high value woman (i.e. not one that shows up that way). It is true it is more difficult in a survival economy but not impossible.

    • Well, the moment he hasn’t considered your needs is the moment your feedback is needed. otherwise, how would he get the message?

      • Lucia

        Of course he received my feedback, he insisted in convincing me that his way was the best way and then we broke up very soon. Rene, you wrote a great a article. My point is that some men get women to open up only to abuse them later, even if in their opinion they mean well. I am older now, I will not let this happen again. I will try to identify the signals from the very beginning. That is why men should give good signals…

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