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Article updated 2018
When you are in a relationship with a man, sometimes you forget that he has fears too.
You think you are the one who needs to be perfect to keep HIM around.
And so you trust neediness.
You trust your need for approval.
What some others might called ‘over-functioning’. Over functioning IS seeking approval.
Most of the secret ‘things’ you think you can do to be a good enough woman to keep him around is shit he can pay someone for. Washing the dishes, vacuuming, cooking breakfast and dinner, cleaning the house. Paying his bills.
And most men would indeed rather pay someone for it if they could, because women are a threat to their need for emptiness and freedom, which takes a lot more value from them than the simple spending of his money does.
So you don’t need to try to be the perfect woman, then?
Well, let’s explore.
Surely, if your mind constantly seeks out the ‘answer’ or the ‘behaviour’ that reflects the perfect woman, you’ll know how to act to get the love you want, yeah?
But that gets you in a relationship with a man who is a boy or a man who might abuse you in some small or big way. Because you are primarily in it to get something. Something like self esteem, love, approval.
And when we are in something to get something, we get very, very easily hooked in a pattern – and then become unable to see how it is damaging our lives.
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Approval is a resource we seek.
But this resource is like a time bomb. Only a matter of time before you retaliate against the person you seek approval from, because your self esteem then depends on them.
Then the relationship begins to die. But the problem is, when we sought for approval, we set up the equation of inevitable demise ourselves. It was never the other person. It’s how we show up.
Most of us are seeking approval a lot more than we should.
And ALL of us seek approval sometimes.
It is how much our patterns in relationships with men or even friends is about actually seeking approval, seeking their love, pleasing them, suppressing our real selves, and needing approval.
So what is the real answer?
Wouldn’t you like to know?
It’s in being high value.
And being high value is something that will attract high value in return.
In other words, be a fountain, not a drain.
When we exist as love rather than go out to do things for people just to get their approval and love in return, we take value.
An interesting thing will happen when you do this. You will see that the world will give more value to you when you do cultivate value within yourself and become this emotionally resourceful.
Think about banks…they are very happy to lend you money if you already have a lot of money, but what happens if you are broke? They’re not so happy to lend you any money. Unless you are in the US, they will give you more credit cards if you are broke.
See, if we seek approval a lot, we don’t have a relationship, we have a simple exchange. Real relationships are not about exchanges. Sacred relationships are not based on exchanges. Exchanges happen in business. Unless you want your relationship to be about business?
If we want relationships, which is what every feminine woman wants in her soul, then as women we need to choose to know that we are already love.
We choose to go from “I’m not loved enough.”
To “I am already loved.”
What that looks like is unique to you, friend. If it wasn’t, any woman could just steal your man away couldn’t she?
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)
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