Why Men Won’t Commit to Me?

why wont men commit

Why Men Won’t Commit

Why won’t he commit to me?

Many women ask this question. This article will give you a guy’s perspective on why some men find it hard to, or don’t want to commit.

First of all, let me ask you a few questions:

Would you love to commit to a $2,000 a month mortgage?

Would you love to commit to taking the trash out every week?

Would you love to commit to doing the dish washing every single day?

In all the above questions, the word commit has a very obligatory undertone. It almost feels like committing to something would mean that we would be obligated to do something and we would therefore have to surrender our own freedom.

The word committment almost has a feel of “I don’t really want to do this, but I have to, or I should but it’s not going to be the most pleasant experience.”

Got to do Something Vs GET to do Something

Feeling like you’re obligated to do something never feels that good. Life is a lot more fun when you get to do something, not when you got to do something! Men know this subconsciously.

One of the biggest desires for men, regardless of tradition or culture, is freedom. The Masculine energy strives to break free and experience freedom. It wants release from the constraints of life. 

Some men fight for their whole lives for freedom, and to experience freedom. Usually once they find that sense of freedom, they would never let it go.

Obligation murders freedom

When we love to do something, it is never an obligation. You don’t ever hear men complaining about going to golf – but work is a different matter. More people die on Monday mornings at 9am than any other time in the week. Coincidence?

Tell me ladies, is it easy or hard to commit to a shopping spree?

What about committing to washing the dishes every day? Is there a difference?

What does it really mean for a man to commit to a woman?

From a man’s perspective, he would have to buy stuff for you, spend lots of money, (it’s not so bad if he’s got the money to spend, but if he doesn’t…), spend time with you listening to all the good and bad stuff that you have to say, spend time when you request his presence etc.

From his perspective, he will have to fork out all these resources, so the question he will ask, (consciously or subconsciously), is whether you are worth all this or not. Some men just don’t want to deal with the excess baggage that women sometimes carry. It doesn’t make the man feel good whilst being with you, and the last thing you want to create for him is a terrible association with you and the thought of you.

It all goes back to men and their desire to feel free. So while you’re reading this, and feeling that perhaps men are not willing to GROW UP, just remember, it has nothing to do with growing up. It is men’s desire for freedom. If they didn’t desire it, they wouldn’t be men, and you wouldn’t feel attraction for them in the first place.

The point is; if you want a man to commit, if you want a passionate, happy long-lasting  relationship, don’t ask for your man to commit. If you ask that of him, and he delivers this “commitment” even though he knows he will feel less freedom because of it, then you are taking away his masculinity and what makes you attracted to him in the first place.

By saying you’re taking that away, he’s really just surrendering it. What will happen after a while, is that, sure he’s around you more often, but you’ll have less attraction for him. You’ll have the security of his presence by your side, but you’re trading off the passion that you could create in the relationship.

There is NO committment needed when you do the things you love to do. You just do it.

The answer to the problem…

So instead of asking the question of why he will not commit, I suggest asking a better question.

Such as this…”How can I create more passion and attraction between him and me, so that he won’t want to be anywhere else?” or “How can I build up the excitement and tension between him and I so that he would feel like never going anywhere else?”

The power you have is in the attraction you can create between him and you.

A man already has so many responsibilities and obligations, as well as demands on him in life that you if YOU can be his source of freedom, then being with you will never feel like an obligation because there’s so much passion between you.

It’s a horrible thing for a man to go to work and then come home to yet another obligation. I’m sure you sometimes feel the same, right?

If you created that passion and excitement between the both of you, he wouldn’t want to go anywhere else. You certainly won’t have a problem with him committing; he’d love to be around you.

And if you want to get more of an understanding of men and inspire him to commit fully to you, here’s where you can learn more about it…

See Article: Why He Pulls Away From Me and the Relationship?

And also: Why He Disappears and Withdraws? What Can I do about it?

What did you think of this article? Any opinion, thoughts, questions or objections, fire away!

Renee the feminine woman

179 Comments

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  • Coco

    Reply Reply November 3, 2013

    Hello
    I would love your opinion.
    There is a guy I’m deeply in love with but despite us having long conversations, amazing sex and chemistry it seems he doesn’t want to give up his fun lifestyle. He’s always on boys holidays or trips with his friends. We live 6 hours apart, and when we were dating he was stationed overseas which makes it harder and use to do the long distance and fly back and forth which just got to hard so we called it off. It’s now a year later and after not speaking for 6monthd we have started talking, and it’s always so hot and cold, one minute we are skyping for hours, sending photos and just chatting about our lives the next I don’t hear from him in a week or 2. He says how great it would be to live closer and talks about how much he thinks I’m great, very passionate and complimentary. He’s in the army so hard to live in the same place. We have always lived a part so never been able to cement or grow a proper relationship. We now rarely see each other but when we do its amazing, so much in common, so easy and incredible sex. He says he thinks I’m amazing, beautiful etc but then if he really loved me wouldn’t he commit and come see me at the weekends instead of going skiing, or other places with his mates, he’s 34yrs!!
    I have been dating other guys as we aren’t in a relationship but I’m always comparing others to him and longing for him that it’s so saddening.
    Any advice please….

  • favour o

    Reply Reply October 8, 2013

    I LOVE THIS GUY AND IT DIFFICULT TO LET HIM GO THOUGH I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND TO LET D RELATIONSHIP SCCATER BECOS AM TIRED OF TRYING BUT I DISCOVERD THAT DESPITE EVERY THING I STILL LOVE THIS MAN VERY MUCH.AND HE REFUSES TO CALL OR TEX BUT WHEN I CALL OR TEX HE RESPOND.

  • Laura

    Reply Reply July 21, 2013

    Hi there,

    We know each other 6 months ago, talk to each other everyday, hang out 2 or 3 times per week. He talks to me about his plans and thoughts. Shares his life and talks to people about me even though I haven’t met his parents. We have made some plans together. We share intimacy, not very often but we do and he says we’re not dating and that nothing is going on between us. That he doesn’t want a relationship. I feel his committment but it is not nice hearing this from him. I decided to move away, and I don’t regret it as I become a different person by learning from you, but I still want to understand the situation and what was the best thing to do to get the best out of this situation.

    Thanks a lot.

    • Myview

      Reply Reply August 4, 2013

      Hi Laura,
      It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. It’s time for you to tell yourself that you deserve better. Tell your self this everyday and believe it “This is me Laura, in all of my splendor it does not get better than this” dump him! A real man who will worship and adore you and wants to FULLY commit to you will appear.
      It all starts from within you. Why will you settle for the crumbs this man is “offering” you. Is this the kind of “relationship” you want? If it is then stay with him if not dump him. I bet you he is seeing other women too.

      My two cents and good luck.

  • chris60

    Reply Reply July 20, 2013

    What a fascinating perspective from a female writer… The assumption that men pay more in a relationship? Many women today work to support unemployed men. The assumption that a relationship is based on passion,,,aka sex or physical intimacy as the central component of a good relationship. While the emphasis is on providing great sex what happens to the pull for intimacy and the sense of loneliness that can develop when you seem to talk in different tongues? Commitment seems a natural progression once intimacy has been attained if a strong bond is to develop and both people feel compatible in and out of the bedroom and hold shared goals and ideals. Hot sex means little without intimacy, and intimacy develops from a sense of closeness and rapport. Men won’t commit unless they feel that they are getting what they want…a trophy bride? a free ride? or someone who makes their life easier and more fulfilling. Same goes for women when deciding if they want to settle down with this person. Individuals want different things and will search until they find a match. Some people have unrealistic expectations while others simply don’t know what they want…the benefits of a relationship without the strangle-hold or obligations of commitment.

    • Mona

      Reply Reply August 27, 2013

      Passion is so much more than sex.

  • John

    Reply Reply July 16, 2013

    This article says a lot of sensible stuff. And I think women can regard the perfect man as like their best girlfriend, with a better job, but without the rivalry. But even your best girlfriend would tire of an hour-long disection of your day every day, and she’d struggle to be the perfect motionless human pillow for hours each night. Commitment is code for marriage. And a marriage is sharing the burden of creating something great – perhaps a brood of healthy happy new people or some other shared goal. No one wants to share that burden with a partner who is wasteful with time and resources or who lacks in skills. if you want a person to commit, attraction is important, but just as important is prudence and practical and emotional skills. But the key thing is that they have to share a strong desire for the same goal as you, something they can only achieve with you, otherwise there’s no point in accepting all the irritations and burdens.

  • Lilly

    Reply Reply March 30, 2013

    Hi renee

    I’ve started reading articles from the website and blog and I m fairly new at this

    I just want to know as it seems most advice leads to building attraction and connection and although I feel stupid what is that? I mean what does that look like if you had to give a real life example of attraction and connection?

    Another question if u been dating a guy for 2 years of which 4 times during these 2 years he kept saying he is unsure what if there is someone better out there and how would u know if you don’t take the chance – does this make him a commitment phone or someone that’s just scared or someone that is unsure

    I love our articles and advice I think it’s great I just struggle to understand the attraction and connection part and even though I’ve read through the articles I would love if you can maybe give some examples

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