How To Be Feminine
In the modern Western world, we have mistaken feminine as referring to the external appearance of a woman. Yes, this is important for achieving femininity and being more feminine, but this is all worth nothing if a woman is empty on the inside. Femininity is created from the inside out, and for a woman to be more feminine, she must prioritize and work on what goes on internally. Some of the most feminine women in the world have no money for clothing, shoes, the latest LV bag, the latest sunglasses….and yet they are feminine. In fact, they are often more feminine than the women who can afford to dress themselves ‘prettily’. Let’s not forget also, that dressing ourselves has now become mistaken for ‘undressing ourselves’.
I have said before, in my post “what Is Femininity – Part 2″, that femininity is not so much about following a set of rules, because rules = rigid and there’s nothing rigid about femininity. To start with, femininity must occur from within. All smart, good men will never, ever, ever be fooled by a fake feminine woman. If you want a good, truly masculine man to love you, protect you, adore you, take care of you and worship you for life, you must have the feminine qualities to attract that kind of man.
The truth is, men want a feminine woman. The good men are also not fooled by trashy looking, egocentric and insecure women who will give their bodies and feminine souls entirely, all for the sake of feeling like they are enough, or worthy, for a night.
I’m not here to give you rules about when you choose to sleep with a man, because regardless of how quickly you sleep with a man, if you think men lose respect for you if you sleep with them very quickly, this is true – to an extent. It’s more about who you are. If you respect yourself, and live as an authentic, genuine, giving and confident woman, the time it takes you to sleep with a man can sometimes become irrelevant.
Femininity and Freedom
Anyway. you’re here to learn about how to be feminine, so I’ll answer that question for you. To get in touch with your femininity, or to become more womanly, you must start by becoming free. That is – mentally free and spiritually free. Of course, you will need to look feminine and gorgeous on the outside too, but it must start from within before the outer appearance will serve you in any way.
A truly feminine woman is not trapped in her head. She is free. What I mean by this is that she is not trapped in limiting beliefs that lead her to become nasty, judgmental, snide, bitchy, arrogant, aggressive and indifferent. Indifference is one of the worst attitudes for a woman to have. Women are nurturers. Truly beautiful, feminine women take care of things.
In fact, they care about everything. More often than not, these attitudes are a product of experiencing pain. Sure, we’ve all had enormous pain. But it doesn’t mean that a woman has to become ‘broken’ and feel like she’s been ‘hard done by’. A feminine woman is meant to give a masculine man reason to live, to work, to provide, to conquer.
So you must start with your habits, thought patterns and free yourself so that you can be more in your true feminine core. If you know you have a tendency to exhibit the negative personality traits I’ve listed above, know that that is not really you. Those traits don’t really belong to you. They’re just a coping mechanism.
Vulnerability
In order to be more feminine, a woman must allow herself to be vulnerable. If you’re not vulnerable, you don’t need a man. In fact, if you can kill your own snakes, then what is the purpose of a man in your life? It’s important to be aware that if a man is masculine at his core, then it’s important that he does feel needed to an extent. A woman can hold her own and make her own money – being feminine is just more about respecting his role and allowing him to do certain things for you.
The freedom of a feminine woman is in her ability to be spontaneous and to go by feeling. This is the opposite to being indifferent. A feminine woman isn’t always about what’s ‘realistic’, she’s more able to feel and she empathizes with humans and all living things. The worst thing is when a woman puts her sisters down. This happens all the time. Truly feminine women have a feisty side to them as well, but in being nasty to her sisters and not wanting the best for them, she is trying to take away rather than give, and feminine women are about giving (among other things).
Some strategies to get to feeling feminine:
- Use music. Music is one of the best ways for changing your state and influencing your mood. Listen to music that makes you feel grateful, soft, peaceful, happy, serene, joyful and free. You can even dance to it in your own home.
- Accentuate the attributes you have that are the opposite of a man’s. This doesn’t simply mean wearing a dress over pants. It’s in the way you sit, the way you talk, the words you use, how you use your hands, how you smile, how you touch others, how you greet people (words and the physical aspects). A lot of women stand and walk like men, drink like a man would, unknowingly. They stand with their hands on their hips the way a man would do it, and sway their arms and legs in the way that a strong and powerful man would do. An important thing to remember is to use less the words men use – especially the words they use to address their guys friends. It’s still OK to use them, as long as it’s not executed in a masculine way. Saying ‘Hey mate’, ‘thanks mate’, ‘Hi buddy’, all denote that you’re relating to a man as another man would.
- Feminine women are delicate. Any jewelry that is overly harsh starts to take away from the woman and draw attention to fashion. Not to mention it just makes you look like a fashion victim.
- It’s great to dress fashionable, but be aware that dressing for women is a totally different thing to dressing for men.
- Get out of the mindset that you should not do anything for ‘a man’. A lot of women say it’s ok to go out of their way for girlfriends etc, but that it’s not ok to serve a man. A man wants to know that you care to please him! To get out of this mindset, start thinking less of yourself, and what you’re getting, and start working on understanding a man. Selflessness is definitely a thing you want to possess if you want to be more feminine.
- Find ways to enjoy sex if you have trouble with intimacy. I’m not encouraging you to be promiscuous, but a lot of women unfortunately have problems letting go during sex, or they have sex for the wrong reasons. Men like it if a woman is free and able to enjoy herself.
- Men go crazy over a woman who can give them a genuine smile. It doesn’t matter what her physical attributes are, if you give a man a genuine, happy smile and look him in the eye – he’s going to be profoundly affected. Ask any man who is in touch with his masculinity whether a smile is extremely important in a woman and he’ll say yes. See, as crazy as this sounds, masculine energy knows more about death, whereas feminine energy knows more about life, opening to love and giving love. The reason masculine energy is more about death is because men focus on getting things done, conquering, putting an end to things, and letting go, and moving on to the next challenge. Masculinity responds to challenge and feminine energy responds to praise. This is partially why smiling works so well. It is a nice change from the way things operate in the man’s world. Smiling and happiness represents life, love, opportunity and openness. Men love a woman who can be open to him. This is one reason why they love sex so much. The woman has to be open and vulnerable to him in order to be present with him during sex.
- Seek to understand rather than complain, bitch, moan, criticize and blame. Blame takes the power away from yourself. Not only this, but men hate to be blamed because they hate to be wrong. Never directly tell a man he is wrong!!!
- Appreciate men for being men. Always show appreciation for a masculine man.
- Stop with ‘me’ and start with ‘others’. You will never get more spiritual growth than by seeking to contribute and to grow. The more women think of themselves, the more rigid, tight, old and indifferent they become. The plight of others is important to a feminine woman. Think of Audrey Hepburn and her work with UNICEF as well as Angelina Jolie. No matter what your opinion on her is, what matters is that she’s contributing and caring for others.
A final message…
Whatever strategies you want to use, remember that if it’s all too overwhelming, just start with freeing yourself . Free yourself from everyone else’s limiting beliefs. Go to your heart rather than your head. Your heart has the answers more often than not, as cheesy as that sounds. If you’re in your head, you’ll always go around in circles. Lots of things can be solved simply by going in to your heart. Begin living life on your own terms and believing in people rather than criticizing and bitching about them (not that you do actually do that, but it’s good to be aware of it and to catch yourself if you ever do it).
I hope that you enjoyed this article and that you found it useful. If you have anything to say, please leave me a comment. You can even leave a comment if you hated it. Have a lovely day/night!
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Tags: a feminine woman, be feminine, be more feminine, become feminine, become more feminine, being feminine, feminine, feminine woman, feminine women, Femininity and Attraction, finding femininity, how to be a feminine woman, how to be feminine, how to be more feminine, how to become feminine, masculininity femininity, more feminine, true femininity


















Leave A Reply (41 comments so far)
WK
77 days ago
‘If you work out, work on accentuating and improving every feminine aspect of your body. This includes the buttocks, the legs, the tummy and the breasts (weights to help the breasts defy gravity). Doing lots of heavy weights will make you butch’ – They do NOT make you look butch as we have naturally less testosterone and it’s a lot more difficult for us to gain as much mass as a man. I’m lifting heavy weights and this may look ‘masculine’ but it’s only to grow in areas such as butt and thighs, so have ‘feminine’ outcomes in mind – I’m curvy, not ‘butch’. Shame many girls are scared of weights as they fear looking like a man, however, I can see a lot of those who never work out/lift and some look ‘masculine’ and shapeless with undefined butts and legs. So it’s a misconception there. However, some females take it way too extreme and its not attractive at all…
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Renee Wade Reply:
April 4th, 2013 at 11:30 pm
Hi WK – you are right, and this piece of advice is outdated
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laura
138 days ago
hey renee! just wanted to say I love your site. I’m almost done reading all of your blogs before i move on to the other tabs at the top of the page. Can’t wait to read everything you have. It’s helped me SO much and made my life a lot happier!
im a personal trainer and I actually do non-competitive olympic weightlifting and powerlifting, too. I noticed you mentioned that heavy weights will make you butch, and to use light weights and do high reps to get toned. I just wanted to say, for corrections sake, that this is such a big myth! I’m petite, (5’5″, 122lbs) very well toned, and have been doing VERY heavy weight lifting for some years now. And no, I haven’t lost my feminine curves!
They don’t go away, thanks to our estrogen storing fat in our hips and butt and thighs! Women simply don’t have enough testosterone to build muscle like men, so we CANNOT get bulky or “butch” without some kind of steroids!
And actually, high-rep weight training (eight to twelve reps or higher) is a body-builder style of training for muscle hypertrophy – meaning, higher reps (with a heavy weight) is used for muscle GAIN. Not just toning, but GAINING. Of course, women don’t have to worry about this unless they’re taking steroids.
Me and my female friends at the gym, and my clients, all look absolutely stunning, very feminine, still have a nice booty lol, and we lift some seriously heavy weights. Don’t worry! You CAN’T get bulky from that. We just don’t have enough testosterone to become that muscular! And unless we eat like 3000 calories a day, we don’t get that stereotypical fat/butch-female weightlifter look (this rarely happens, btw) We all look athletic, for sure, but still feminine! A good, clean diet also helps of course
anyways, thanks so much for the awesome info! keep up the great work
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Chan
147 days ago
Hello, and I just want to saw that reading your website has really changed how I view men, relationships and me. I could go on and on about my childhood but I don’t want to be a victim anymore, and I realize that I am feminine. Almost everyday for the past 19 years of my life, I’ve been trying to act masculine and hide the fact that I actually cry when I watch something sad on TV and that I’ve always wanted to find a “Prince Charming”. I’ve just always thought that femininity was for the “prettier” and “skinny” girls, but thank you so much for teaching me that femininity starts on the inside, not in overly done make up or short dresses. And at first I thought that maybe it was too late to be feminine, but reading all these comments makes me realize I can show my true colors at any ae and that 19 is as good as any age
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Renee Wade Reply:
January 23rd, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Hey Chan, you’re right, 19 is as good as any age. I used to think the same; that femininity was for skinny and pretty girls – wrong, ESPECIALLY in the eyes of a man!
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Adele
163 days ago
Im trying to embrace my inner femininity. I was raised to value education and career over love, marriage or spirituality. I am learning a lot on this topic lately but I feel discouraged because I keep dwelling on my mistakes. I have a masculine man in my life, but I wonder what he thinks of me. He says he loves me, but I wonder if he is just saying that. Because I feel bad about having had so many failed relationships before him. The only thing I can say is that I’m authentic. I always try to be myself.
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arty
174 days ago
i’m worth it n lovd it as well
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christiane
386 days ago
interesting article and interesting – still few- comments. I like the straight honesty of the metallica women. And her name represents what she thinks, feels. I honour every human. We all go through painful experiences in life and we respond to them in different ways. Vulnerability is not weakness, dont confuse these two words. In the contrary, only a strong person can be vulnerable as it means risking a lot. The more hard a woman or a human becomes, the more past pain is involved. I have most respect for those who can still love life after intense pain. Real womanhood is utterly strong.
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MissMetallica
407 days ago
WTF??this is called being weak,not feminime,why shouldn’t i tell a man he’s wrong?i don’t give a fuck,he messes with me,i give him hell,no one treats me badly,i don’t take fucking shit from no one,i’m not gonna act dependable & vulnrable to attract a man,i care too much about my ego,it’s much more important than making a man look “manly”,i’m not some stupid cunt who thinks i live to please my husband,i’ll do what makes me happy,not act weak & delicate so a man will like me,if he doesn’t,so be it,i can find a REAL man who’ll admire me for being strong,proud & independent.i don’t need a fucking man to be happy,i can perfectly handle myself XD!so all them cunt men who don’t like it can kiss my god damn motherfucking ass
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brandy Reply:
May 9th, 2012 at 11:34 am
yuck, good luck finding a quality man with that potty mouth and disgusting selfish attitude! Why are you looking up relationship advice if you don’t need a man to be happy?
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MissMetallica Reply:
May 15th, 2012 at 5:58 am
because being feminine ain’t out about gettin a man sweetheart fyi,women act feminine because they were born with a vagina,not to attract a man,we’re in the 21st century,not the stone age.& if a man can swear,i can swear like a fucking god damn sailor all i want.i’m not being selfish,i’m being a strong woman,& i have the balls to prove to a man that i can be better than him & there’s no way he can mess with my ego or make me swallow my pride,it doesn’t make me mean,but i’m not lowering myself or acting ditzy & submissive to please someone,i walk the way i want,& don’t give a shit what men or people say,they can suck on my imaginary balls,i ain’t no one’s bitch.they won’t like me because they’re gonna be intimidated because i’m not some weak bitch that can show them they that the XX chromosome is better than their sorry asses. ;D
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Jo Reply:
May 15th, 2012 at 10:37 am
God, why do you come on this site anyway? Suck on your imaginary balls? Utterly bizarre!
Cuppscake Reply:
May 9th, 2012 at 2:25 pm
This site is about telling your man where he crossed the line but in a way you would get good results and a kiss on top, Skip the headache and the screaming and yelling, it wont workk and you ll end up with a bad throat.
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Denise Reply:
December 2nd, 2012 at 12:39 am
lol, calm down Miss Metal. No one likes an angry woman.
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Genevieve Reply:
February 12th, 2013 at 7:07 am
It isnt about being “delicate”. For a man yes it helps to promote his manly ego of letting him open jars and reach high things on shelves for you now and then. But you dont have to go full on “im so weak i cant do anything for myself”. In the end most men will find women who act like they cannot do anything for themselves unattractive and off putting not all men no but alot. There must be a happy medium for delicate behavior. As common courtesy it is nicer to not swear like a sailor and be kind to those around you. Show the man in your life respect not submission, show you care about his opinions and beliefs and things that are important to him. But dont submit to his way of thinking by having to change your own values and opinions. That is not right or attractive, being yourself whether you are fat or skinny or strong or weak is what in the end our men want. They don’t need or want a overly weak woman who can be blown over by the wind. They will need a woman in the long run who can run a home, work and be his partner in life. Things should not be one over the other but even with both. The woman should have more delicate behavior in that she will be there for her man and not give him the fear that he isnt good enough to be able to protect her. But be strong enough that she can handle him and stand up for herself. So find a happy medium in delicate behavior!
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emily taylor
498 days ago
what an enlightened person you are! well done article. i think we live in a society that focuses too much on the outside, how a person looks, to mean femininity. i’ve met some really beautiful “feminine looking” women that were some of the worst people i have ever known. a good heart goes a long way!
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Irina Irimia
562 days ago
Hi, Renee! Very good and useful article, I really enjoy your work! Congrats xx
I strongly believe in a woman vulnerability that it reveals in a very attractive and irresistible way her beauty. Men are crazy about this energy and how any woman particularly enjoys her femininity.
Thank you xx
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Serena
641 days ago
Do you think it is possible for a woman to listen to hard rock (or even heavy metal), and still be feminine? While it might be hard to imagine someone on the light side of femininity listening to that kind of music, that might fall more in line with dark femininity.
What about top forty pop? Do you think that music is necessarily feminine? I imagine one objection you might have to Justin Bieber is that he isn’t masculine enough.
I’d be interested in getting your thoughts about this stuff.
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mary89
646 days ago
You write interesting articles,useful for a lot of women, however they don’t fit me so much.
I won’t feel good if I learn a man wants me vulnerable to conquer me.In fact, it turns me off. I value equality & not the idea that be weak to make your man feel powerful. I wasn’t never attracted to domineering, assertive men …whom I guess you name masculine men.They make me feel bothered not protected. So I think I shouldn’t try to look more feminine, because of my own personality & the type of men I want.It’s just the way I am & I feel comfortable.
Anyway that’s interesting to read the posts of a lady with such a different point of view. Thanks.
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phoebe
650 days ago
this is a fantastic article, it is written simply enough to be helpful for anyone looking for tips on how to be more feminine, but you obviously also have a lot of deeper knowledge. i would be interested to know more about the charecteristics of pure masculine and feminine energy. also something i would like to hear more about is how the role of a woman changes as she becomes older, and how the feminine energy expresses itself differently through the stages of a womans life. thank you again for a great post
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phoebe Reply:
September 9th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
i just found the rest of your site, my questions are answered! thanks again xo
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bon
772 days ago
this has helped me a lot. thank you^^
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susannah
902 days ago
For my husband me being very feminine is for example not wearing makeup, helping him with company, not spending much money on useless things and leaving him some space and freedom etc.
Women expecting diamonds, all his attention, demanding everything right here and now will never had any chance even if they will be examples of femininity from books. It doesn’t matter how feminine, delicate, soft, smooth women with these kind of character appear all he can see is wolf in sheep’s clothing.
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Katie
910 days ago
I have just finished reading a couple of your articles on femininity and they are truly inspiring. I just wanted to thank you for writing them and all the help you’ve giving me through them, you are truly an angel. Thanks again!
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Christine
918 days ago
A very authentic way of looking at how we are and how we can be..I enjoy it very much.Kind regards Christine
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Valerie
965 days ago
Thank you so much. People have always told me I have this ‘don’t touch’ air around me. I have tried myself to figure it out. Your article has really helped me beyond measure. I need further help though if you please. If you could drop me an email, I’d be extremely grateful.
God bless you for this release today.
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Terri
973 days ago
Thank you so much for your articles on femininity.It is the topic of discussion for my next meeting with my female group at church.
Your article has given me a lot to talk about.
This topic should be discussed at home and in school.Too often women hear comments that give them a negative image of femininity.
Be blessed
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Catherine
989 days ago
A much needed article in a world where women are confused about who they are, who they ought to be, who they used to be. Very useful, simple, uplifting, positive, peaceful, vibrant, it brings out in me the best of my Femininity. This is what women should be told from an early age, be free, be open, share with others, you stand for values that are complementary to men’s. I find it soothing, relieving as well for some reason. Written with great insight and a real taste for integrity, virtue and truth. I love it.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart Renee for reconciling women with themselves.
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Lisa
1049 days ago
I love your site and this article really spoke to me. I have always (or as long as I can remember) been “in my head.” I’ve been hurt badly in my life and I’ve spent years putting on the armour of battle to try to protect myself. I’ve developed all those traits you described in your article. And I’ve been truly miserable. My H is I believe at his very core masculine. And he will not fight me to try to gain control … but whenever I’ve managed to shut up and try to be a nicer, more gentle person, he’s responded almost immediately. As another poster said, “I have a lot of work to do…” I have to learn to be a feminine woman. I’ve spent years reading books, acquiring knowledge as part of my arsenal to always be “right.” It turned me into a hard hearted shrew … I realized recently that I need to back way off of certain types of reading because it was not helping me … And I actually thought of music also as a way of trying to reconnect with loving emotion. Rock and aggressive types are not working … My 18 year old so loves that stuff .. and I see now that it inspires him to be as masculine as he can be … but I don’t need that for myself. I am ‘talking’ too much. Love what you’re doing Renee, please keep it up .. myself and so many others truly need your help!!
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Diana Reply:
May 31st, 2011 at 6:26 am
Hi Lisa your story is almost like mine. I have been hurt in life, lived in a family where most relatives despised us. This made me to become a perfectionist wanting to be “right” always. I ve undergone hardships in relationships due to my rigidity I dont have friends. Renee’s article on femininity has really helped me its an eye opener.
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Poppy War
1050 days ago
So true. I loved your post.
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Jihan Maria
1174 days ago
I love your site and your articles. I’m going to enforce this in my life daily – God knows I need it. Thank You sooooo much for all the advice and help
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Renee
1189 days ago
Thank You Jasmine and Haute Mama
you are both very welcome!
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Haute Mama 2
1189 days ago
Good gosh feminity seems to be the complete opposite of what I’ve become (walls and walls of defense). Hmmmm….. and the soul searching begins.
Thanks for challenging my thinking.
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Jasmine
1220 days ago
“A truly feminine woman is not trapped in her head. She is free.” I really love this quote. And the whole post, as well. Very inspiring; I have a lot to improve on! Thank you!
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Jodi
1225 days ago
Renee, another beautifully written article. It is so refreshing to read something positive and uplifting. The femininity movement is so empowering. Stumbling across your blog through the Art of Femininity has truly been a blessing.
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Renee Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Thank You Jodi!! My readers are also a blessing to me
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Renee
1225 days ago
Hello HopefulHeart, Ruth and Twinkle!
I have done a post with music that I recommend for inspiring femininity:
http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/02/music-to-inspire-femininity/#more-659
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twinkle
1225 days ago
Yes Ruth, music is masculine indeed! enough rap and rock already! (sigh) I believe there are too many ‘diva’ types and not enough troubadors to give ‘polarity’ or balance–even though i’m a woman, I wish there were more male singers with strong voices, not like the soft voices of today
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Ruth
1225 days ago
I love this so much especially the life/death symbolism. Plenty of food for thought.
What are your recommendations for good music to inspire femininity? It might just be me but so much music seems to be masculine right now.
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hopefulheart
1226 days ago
My dad told me once that men have to think with their head so they want women who think with their heart…
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