Welcome back and remember to stay Feminine, Fun and Free!
I think we've all had those moments where something our man has done (or somebody else) gets the blood broiling to the max! You've probably had those times when things have been particularly hard, like you've lost a loved one, or you're struggling for money, or your man does something you didn't expect that really hurt you? The times that put a lot of stress on your intimate relationship? Often, these are the times which really test our character and temperament. (Click here to take the quiz "How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?")
Also, when you're not feeling good, it becomes very hard to see the good in things, and in people. Or to even find it within yourself to commit to changing anything. It's easy to throw in the towel and choose not to care.
If you're a human being, I'm sure you've made mistakes when dealing with your man, and when dealing with people in general, and that is OK. If you are not making mistakes, you're not learning. In fact, if you think you're stuck in self-development, it's probably because you're not failing fast enough!
The common temperament of modern women
Perhaps due to the feminist movement, or due to other factors as well, women are often reacting to - and dealing with - situations in a very masculine way. In fact, many women these days are quite condescending and authoritative and even autocratic to men if they perceive that the man is intellectually "inferior" or if he has done something "wrong" according to the woman.
I have heard of women laughing in the face of "neanderthal" boys. This is not ideal. And, because so many women these days do choose to attend college and ruthlessly chase a career - men who are seemingly not as "educated" are sometimes looked down upon and worse still - women are competing with men in the same field (which is mainly a problem if you're wanting to have a great relationship. You cannot be competing with your man)!
The fact is - each man has his own set of strengths that make him feel like a man, and that lie at the heart of his masculinity. Some men are more intellectuals, some have a lot of physical strength and excel at things like building and plumbing, etc.
Let me just start with a few common situations in which a woman's true temperament can be witnessed:
- when her man doesn't help around the house
- when he leaves his rubbish, dirty clothes, etc all over the house
- when he is "lazy"
- when he is 'checking out' other women
- when he forgets a special date
- when he doesn't express his feelings
- when he loses his job, or gets a pay-cut
- when his business fails
- when he loses a large sum of money
- when he has a drinking problem
- when he smokes, gambles, looks at pornography
- when he spends more time watching or playing sports than she considers ideal
- when he spends too much time at work
- when he doesn't pay enough attention to the children
- when he doesn't pick up on her thoughts/feelings
- when he gets in trouble with the Law - perhaps for doing something 'immoral' in order to provide for his family. (Some men will do anything to provide for their family!)
These are just a few examples of situations in which a woman's character and temperament can easily be revealed. A lot of women in today's society want to go head-to-head with their men, 'excel' during a painful argument, to be 'right' and often women will (as the term is often used) "crack it" at their men, and keep tabs on them and control them like their man was their child. In fact, pretty much every woman I know (who hasn't been exposed to the wonderful wisdom and understanding of femininity and the dynamics between man and woman) treat their boyfriend and husbands this way.
The problem is also, that their men let these women walk all over them because they 'fear' their wives or girlfriends. Men everywhere are doing this. They fear spending some money on a set of golf clubs for fear that their wife will crack it at them, or get upset. They fear playing sports in case their wife will get temperamental about it, etc.
A lot of men are walking around on eggshells. I have known women who break their husband's golf clubs because they hate their husbands spending so much time on golf. Obviously, I'm not saying the relationships problems they have are entirely the woman's fault, but this does show a lack of understanding of men.
A woman's temperament and a man's love
If something upsets you or angers you, you will know that you have deeper feelings, and the anger and resentment that you show in dealing with the situation are most definitely a coping mechanism/facade. A way for you to get your significance/certainty back when you feel it is lost (I am not saying it's not OK to be angry, it's fine to have anger - it's more about how you treat others as a result of your emotions, and also about how you use your emotions for the better).
As counter-intuitive as it is, you will have a much better result with your man if you show your vulnerabilities, and even cry when you are upset/angry. (Click here to take the quiz "How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?")
My feeling is that most men cannot leave a woman who is vulnerable. However, you can BET he's going to be able to leave you (not always permanently, I mean also leaving the house momentarily, etc) if you make him walk on eggshells, make him fear your temper, and try to control him.
A lot of women take that "I'll kick him in the balls" approach. This won't command respect from him, and will not encourage his masculinity, it will just slowly but surely make him resent you! I'm not trying to discourage you having a feisty side to you, as that can be useful! I am just saying that using your anger/pain in a better way will get you to a better result, and ensure you greater happiness. A lot of women do not realize this, but your vulnerability is your power.
We all have choices.....
So, if you do have a bit of a raging temper, I would suggest that every time you are in a heated moment, to remind yourself in that split second (a 'moment' - and we all have a moment where we can make a defining decision) to make a choice. To make a choice to step up and focus on the positive outcomes of being vulnerable instead of going head-to-head with your man. (read my article about why do men pull away)
Ultimately, this just means that there will be 2 masculine egos at work which doesn't help anyone! Of showing sadness/tears instead of aggression and resentment, or to show support for your man when it is the hardest to show. To be understanding and considerate. To let go and to be free is one of the best things that you can do for your relationship with your man.
A masculine man needs a feminine woman of better moral standing whom he can look up to. Something ethereal and a woman of worthy character. If a woman is dealing with situations in a masculine way, it will do little to serve her relationship.
Some examples of responses you can choose instead:
- free-hearted rather than defensive
- emotional rather than having her defences up
- thoughtful rather than thoughtless (thinks before she speaks)
- the ability to be more submissive in character rather than fighting, whether intellectually or emotionally (a woman should still definitely hold her own and not 'play dumb'). It's more about honoring the different energies between masculine/feminine and not breaking down the foundations of your passion and love by arguing with him like a man would!
- the ability to show your vulnerabilities rather than hide them (to give your man a chance to step up and take care of you, and to feel like your man)
- using emotion and her intuition instead of "reasoning", "reality" and "factual" arguments. (Again, a woman does need to have this in her character. I believe a woman should definitely be able to think factual - but it's not where she lives. There needs to be a balance).
- understanding rather than rash, defensive and judgmental
-It's important to remember that whatever people are doing, there is always a reason. And you are not going to make the world a better place by judging them. But you will by understanding them.
This especially applies to your man. In times when his sense of pride is being challenged, maybe at work or around his friends, it is important that he knows he can rely on your feminine strength (your belief in him, and your positive words). When I say tolerance, I don't mean that you have to ignore or suppress your feelings. I mean that it will serve you better to seek understanding rather than being judgmental.
- note: tolerance = acceptance of others' uniqueness. A knowing and accepting that people are all different. And knowing that just like you, they have feelings too.
- leaning towards a cheerfulness rather than being a constant criticizer. A lot of men prefer to spend their time on golf, cars, drinking, football, beer, prostitutes, or whatever because they have no compelling reason to return home to their wives. If you want your husband or boyfriend to be more considerate of you, just be more understanding of him, and give him a reason to want to be with you.
As well as the feminine appearance, the feminine temperament is so important. You must develop traits that are typical of a worthy character. Feminine women should be a symbol of life, freedom and serenity. Anyway, that's all for this article. Be sure to say hi in the comments section if you haven't yet, I'd love to hear from you!
The quest is not to be perfect, for we can never ever be perfect. The quest is more about becoming a woman of value.
I know you want to understand how your man behaves and thinks, we just have a program that will help you gain understanding of men. Click here to read more about our program Understanding Men and lessen your relationship problems.