Fake Femininity. What is it exactly?
Fake femininity is the energy a woman puts out into the world when she:
- Does things from a place of trying to feel worthy
- Is entitled
- Aims to always take value without regard to the costs on others; and
- Her feminine energy collapses under the weight of her fear
- Struggles to feel authentic emotion
A lot is said about what femininity is, and how to be feminine, but not a lot is said about fake femininity.
Interestingly, when seeking advice on how to be more feminine, some women take it to heart and improve themselves in a way that benefits them as well as others.
Other women take the advice to further their value-sucking agenda with almost everyone they know.
I know that sounds harsh, but life is harsh.
Not every woman is made equal in terms of her kind heart and good intent. And this is where the idea of fake femininity becomes relevant.
What Is Authentic Femininity?
Now that we’ve answered the question of what fake femininity is, it’s time to discuss authentic femininity, or authentic feminine energy.
What what is authentic femininity?
It is when a woman show up with:
- The ability to feel authentic emotion without trying to hide and stay small
- The desire to nurture others and/or build a nest or family
- Being comfortable in the inferiority of her physical strength compared to men (no woman’s physical strength can compare to a man’s, even if he is smaller and shorter than her!)
- Being comfortable with both pleasure and pain within her body and her expression of it
- An authentically feminine woman has a warmth to many or all of her interactions and gestures (a fake feminine woman will mostly lack warmth and be mostly cold).
This doesn’t mean that real femininity is about always being warm, because it’s not. An authentically feminine woman will be cold when she needs to be (to deter people with bad intent for example).
But the key difference between authentic femininity and fake femininity is that fake femininity lives mostly in separateness whilst authentic femininity lives mostly in connection and the warmth of that real connection.
Is Becoming More Feminine About Being Something You’re Not?
Some women wonder why they should be something they’re “not” and scoff at the idea of femininity and becoming more vulnerable because they don’t want to be fake or manipulative.
If you’re naturally feminine at your core, and have been taught along the way to suppress it – the act of bringing out your feminine core does not make you fake! It just make you more of yourself.
I know that feminine energy exists inside all of us, male or female. But if a woman is more feminine at her core, then bringing out her femininity is simply an act of freeing herself.
We have been taught in the modern western world to be strong, competitive, to step on others to get ahead, to get that degree, to be ‘intelligent’. But really, it all means little at the end compared to the strength of your close relationships.
All you take with you when you pass away are your memories, and the knowledge that you’ve either made people happier, inspired them, loved them – or that you in fact hurt a lot of people.
So by being more feminine, you are revealing more of your authenticity.
The idea behind Femininity
The concept behind becoming more feminine is all about:
- Being confident in being a woman and being womanly
- Being true to yourself and others
- Becoming a leader and living a life of inspiration
- Freeing yourself from trying to seek the approval of others
- Being honest; and most importantly –
- Having the ability to have a more fulfilling, passionate, happy and loving relationship with your man or future man.
It’s about acknowledging that feminine is the opposite of masculine, and using it to connect deeper, give deeper, and feel deeper!
Femininity is also about acknowledging the sheer power behind this amazing sexual essence and what it can do for the masculine energy.
A feminine woman can propel a man to incredible greatness and success and make him happier than he could have ever imagined.
Feminine energy serves masculine energy, and masculine serves the feminine.
If two people are masculine in a relationship, you have a problem. So many women go head to head with their men and develop this huge masculine ego and need to be right, all the while confusing their men, and making their men feel less and less important and powerful.
Does Authentic Feminine Energy Have No Direction Of It’s Own?
I’m not saying you can’t have ideas of your own – of course not.
All women need to be able to hold their own and do what’s necessary to get things done.
Feminine energy is NOT always high value – you need to have the ability to go into masculine mode if you need to (or want to for that matter!)
A man also needs to know that he can rely on his woman to take necessary action if needed when he is (for whatever reason) incapable or unavailable. Still, men are generally naturally built stronger and faster than women.
A lot of women reject their feminine essence because they’re afraid of it, and they think that they have to reject it and become more masculine in order to protect themselves and to get ahead.
Some women have been through hell in their lives, they may have been raped, and they may have painful stories that gives a clear reason for why they choose to not be vulnerable.
Some women have been beaten and left by a man, and they then feel they can no longer trust a man to be there for her.
Regardless, the more layers you have and the more masks you wear to cover who you truly are underneath, the more fake femininity you will have, or even fake masculinity, if you are one to try to look tougher.
More examples Of Fake Feminine Energy?
Fake femininity occurs when a woman uses her vulnerability or sexual charms (basically, anything that is feminine AND has power with men) insincerely to get a result.
So, a woman who doesn’t normally live in her true feminine may momentarily “act” vulnerable in order to get a certain result that is related primarily to her own needs.
So, instead of using her femininity for the better, she is subconsciously or consciously using what she knows works on men in an insincere way in order to get a man to do something for her – and she doesn’t care a bout the cost it may have on it (and nor is she aware of the cost it may have on him).
Granted, women who are genuine do this too.
BUT the difference is that they are highly attuned to the man and due to thid heightened attunement and sensitivity to his needs – they are able to give just as much value back to him as she takes.
What’s more is that she is able to use her vulnerability naturally, in a way that creates more emotional connection with a man – rather than forcing a damsel in distress moment or trying to express a need through criticism or pushing him away.
Authentically feminine women generally have a healthy balance of attunement in their relationship with their man to start with.
So asking for something to be done for her could never come across as fake or manipulative, simply because she does care for her man (and he would know this) and this ensures that she isn’t always egocentric.
Most people today live life thinking about and serving themselves.
People are so hungry to feel loved that they forget that a part of being loved and feeling love is about GIVING it to start with.
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What Is Manipulation? What Does It Mean To Be Fake & Insincere?
The words ‘insincerity’ and ‘manipulative’ are synonymous with the type of person who doesn’t care for others, and doesn’t have other people’s best interests at heart.
If you use whatever feminine charms you have to get a result simply for yourself and just always USE up resources whilst never giving anything back, you’re acting fake and being manipulative.
I say acting because you are not what you do. What you do is not who you are.
We all have enormous power within us to be a force for good. Humans are extraordinary creatures.
Even if you have been manipulative in the past, you can change.
It’s not too hard. Here’s a simple rule to become more authentically feminine:
Focus on connecting rather than creating disconnects!
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What Else Does Fake Feminine Encompass?
Fake feminine also encompasses the physical aspect of a woman.
A lot of women put a lot of effort in to getting the perfect feminine and shiny hairstyle, getting the outfit right, getting the makeup right, sitting right, talking right and following current trends to look cool so that they don’t have to face the fear of not fitting in with the cool crowd.
I have said before that in the modern western world, we’ve mistaken femininity to mean physical attractiveness.
Femininity is definitely about looking pretty and wanting to look pretty, but it’s more about how a woman feels on the inside, and the value she has to give.
A lot of women get breast implants to feel more feminine, (just as an example).
They feel that because they have small breasts, they are not a real woman.
This is untrue. Take a look around. There are tonnes and tonnes of stunningly beautiful women with small breasts whom men would give their left nut to be with.
This is because these women are real, happy and confident on the inside.
And, whatever you focus on, you will see.
If a woman wants to validate her belief that big breasts will get her more love from men, there are plenty of references she could use to validate that belief.
There are also plenty of examples to validate the opposite belief, as well.
Women spend so much time looking good that they have lost touch with their spirituality and have no idea what life is all about for them. They don’t really know themselves.
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The Perception Of Beauty
Looking good is great. There’s nothing wrong with spending hours on dressing yourself up at all.
It’s about where your focus is habitually, and what your beliefs are. If a woman chases physical perfection, she will never, ever find happiness.
It is a feminine trait to want to look good, to want to be noticed, to feel pretty and beautiful, but women whose feeling of self worth rests on this whole concept is extremely dangerous.
- It makes you think that that’s where you real value lies (which it doesn’t)
- And it takes away your focus from your real authentic femininity.
- If your focus largely goes to how you look on the outside, that stops you from reaching out to connect emotionally. This then stunts your authentic femininity because connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.
And no matter how pretty you think you are, there will always be someone prettier, no matter how intelligent you think you are, there will always be someone who is more intelligent.
No matter how sexy you think you are, there’s always going to be someone who is sexier.
Because everybody’s perception is different, and just because a woman is voted most desirable by a popular men’s magazine doesn’t mean every man in the world will be able to connect with her (and much less give a damn about her).
We have discussed more about femininity – the dark and light side of feminine energy – in our program Attraction Control Monthly and 17 Attraction Triggers, click here to find out more.
How To Be Authentically Feminine? 5 Simple Steps
So how can you radiate more authentic femininity?
- Put your focus on connecting rather than taking.
- Lead with your understanding in all your relationships.
- Find someone or something to nurture.
- Practice noticing and feeling into your most vulnerable emotions (the ones you least wish to talk about or admit to), and become comfortable with them. Develop a sense of humour about them so that you can get over the uncomfortableness of it.
- Connect to and feel both the pleasure and the pain in your body.
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So what is life all about then?
How would you live a fulfilling and happy life and have a fulfilling and happy relationship, knowing all of this?
How would a woman be truly feminine, confident in herself and be truly happy?
Please share with me your thoughts 🙂
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.