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Find out…will this Man Propose or Not?

Article updated 2018

This is a question from a lovely lady, Penelope.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  QUESTION

“Hi Renee,

I hope you had a wonderful honeymoon!

If you could spare some insight on my situation, I would really appreciate it.  I feel just a tad foolish considering your last mail out.

My boyfriend is from UK.   I am from Spain.  He is working in Beijing currently.  We had been dating in Spain for 7 months before he had to come here for work.

We ended up pursuing a long distance relationship and I came to Beijing for 2 months to visit him early this year.  It was very hard for us to have the long distance relationship.  He could not come to stay with me long term in Spain as he is american and his big work opportunity is here.

We skyped every day and night since last march. (And before the first trip).. We met in hawaii for a lovely vacation.  I thought that it was the perfect opportunity for him to propose to me in person, (as he had done so many times online)…and he did not.

Once back in Spain, I was sad and he was begging me to come to Beijing once more to stay with him and eventually Elope (as we had planned) and then after one year of him working we could move to London together, (where he is from).

Man, I feel really dumb listening to what I am writing…anyway.. Now I am here (in Beijing).  I have been here for one month.  He works VERY long hours so I hardly see him, and I am taking a course here and university courses from Spain to keep myself busy.

Only I feel terrified.  I spoke to my sister today and she said she would not travel long distance to a man without a ring.  This made me feel cheap.  Reading you’re last mail out didn’t help either.  He does love me, I love him.  I think we are a happy couple basically.  Did I doom the chance of a real marriage by coming here to him?  (He even sent my father a letter saying how he we were planning to elope).  My father did not want me to come here as he is old fashioned and said I was acting “desperate”.

He has done all he can to make me feel at home here.  Only thing is, after all that it took me to come I am second guessing myself.  I guess because he has not proposed.  After all the online proposals…which I do not really understand other than I know he is saving to pay off student loans.

If you could shed some insight if you have a few moments, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks so much!

Penelope.”

Related Post: How to Get him To Propose and Marry You Without Looking Low Value

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> MY ANSWER

Hi Penelope,

First of all, thanks! I had a wonderful honeymoon 🙂

It is interesting that you say your father is old-fashioned and he said you seemed to be acting desperate. I don’t think he really means that you are acting desperate, I just don’t think he knew how to articulate what he meant (from a MAN’S perspective) in a better way, at least not in that moment.

But if your father could, I’m sure he’d say something a little more insightful, because here is what I really think he meant to say….

He meant to tell you that in general, if a man is masculine, it just FEELS better for him to travel to you.

HOWEVER – I don’t think your father understands the full situation, or YOUR situation, and nor does it seem like he has bothered to fully understand. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Listen, you are not in the same situation as my reader Diana (to whom my extremely controversial response is right here).

Remember, everything is contextual! There are some hard and fast must not do’s in dating, and some must Dos, as I share in my programs and emails, but in general, most things are contextual. ie: “it DEPENDS…..”

See, in Diana’s case, she went back again to a man who had already hurt her, and who had never once backed his WORDS up with ACTIONS. And not to mention the intimate sexual pics when they were not even dating. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Now, in your case, your man has backed up some of his words with actions, but not many CONCRETE actions. Right now, most of his promises are in the form of words.

He has mentioned to your father that he intends to elope with you – but he still has not proposed.

So this makes it a simply difficult AND frustrating situation for you. And your sister’s response is irritating and insensitive! You are her sister! Not someone she can blab to about how much BETTER she would deal with the situation than you have! Maybe I’m reading this the wrong way, you know your sister far better than I do.

Still, what you did is not cheap. It may not have been the BEST and safest decision for YOU, but it was not cheap (and neither is the SAFE decision always the right decision). As Anthony Robbins always says, “if you want a safe life, go to prison”.

Again, your situation is not the same as Diana’s. First of all, you have been dating this man for 7 months, which is longer than normal. Most relationships end by 3-5 months. The fact that he decided to commit to long distance means something.

The fact that he talked to your father about marriage means something.

However, let me ask you this.

***************************************************************************************************************

Are you aware that for the majority of men, proposing takes a lot of working up to?

I mean, a hell of a lot of working up to. Men have fears and thoughts about this that you can’t even dream of, in your own  body, unless you make the active effort to be in a man’s for a day. 

***************************************************************************************************************

A second, more important question:

How aware are you REALLY of the position that he is in?

I want you to gain a true, heartfelt, understanding of HIS position before you take any drastic actions. He’s moved to another country to work real hard, very hard, as it seems. It has probably taken over his brain! (read my article on What You Should Know About Trusting a Man)

I am not one to recommend like some other dating coaches, that you leave the instant he hasn’t put a ring on your finger, that is (would be) simply ignorant in your situation.

***************************************************************************************************************

After all, men have their tests of women, too. He could very well be testing how serious and committed YOU are. See, us women too often simply forget that our commitment to a man counts, too. Not just his.

Often we are so blinded by our own fear that we have NO idea that the man we are seeing is hoping and WISHING that you would prove to him that you might just be the first woman EVER to be willing to accept him and love him, no matter what. 

***************************************************************************************************************

(If THAT sounds totally unreasonable to you – then you just got exactly why committed relationships are often not worth it for many men. Many women are just not worth a good man’s time.)

Let me tell you, in the many years my superman husband and I have been together (I just LOVE him! And can’t wait to see him) there have been many times in the past where we had to pull through similar situations together.

He would be working his ass off, on his mission and didn’t FEEL like he had the resources to be with me in every way that I wanted. He was there, 90% in the way I wanted, but we women always look for what we are missing, true? Because we want security.

And mine is not the first relationship to have a shared difficult yet beautiful journey towards marriage. Some of my members in Commitment Control have had the same experience. Just because a man seems to take some time, doesn’t mean you just up and leave or that he is the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You have to think about it carefully.

But, David proposed to me, in a way and with a ring that I could previously only dream of (it exceeded my expectations). And we are now married.

Now, I am not saying that your man is definitely going to propose to you, but I AM saying that what you do between now and the next stage of commitment (him being even more committed), is very important. It is CRUCIAL. Many women stuff their chances with the man of their dreams by simply being too desperate, too impatient and too selfish. Sometimes, patience pays off.

Not always, sometimes. I mean, being overly patient with a man who sends you dirty text pictures after only dating a week would be a bad idea.

So Penelope…He loves you, you love him, and I think it’s obvious. For the purposes of my response I’m going to assume you deeply love him and genuinely want to spend your life with him.

However, before you start to feel more and more cheap (which you are not), and before you start to have regrets that are uncalled for, here is my advice to you:

1) Gain a heartfelt, “in HIS shoes” perspective. Really sit down, and ask yourself, “have I put myself in HIS position?” “if I was HIM, what would I feel like is missing from my life?” Because if you know what a man (or anyone for that matter) feels like they are missing from their life, you get to understand far better why they are not able to give you what you are wanting.

Maybe he is so focused on his work that marriage slipped his mind. It is NOT unusual for men to do this. Because he’s a man, he’s not you. And never will be.

Next, put yourself in HIS body, HIS, not Penelope’s!! There’s a huge, enormous, gigantic difference! So literally BE your man. BE him. And then go to yourself (Penelope), and ask HIM “am I genuine about marrying this woman?”

I believe that in your intuition, you know. And I also believe that if you put yourself in his position, you’ll be in far less worry and far less pain, because you’ll feel more in control and not to mention compassionate.

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

2) I do not know how old you are, or whether you’ve had any kids yet or not, and whether you even want them or not. So, depending on your current age, and situation, you need to decide on the opportunity cost for you.

For example. What does it ultimately COST you as a woman, to be there with him, when he’s made only INTERNET proposals…? It always costs you something to be there, but does the benefit outweigh the costs to you?

I mean, if he is just being a flimsy guy, then you want to leave and say to yourself “we enjoyed our time together, and he wasn’t the one, and I’m now one step closer to the one.”

If he’s not being flimsy (and I don’t have enough detailed information to decide whether he is being flimsy or not) , then maybe what you need (and a lot of women need), is…have a guess??

PATIENCE! And heartfelt understanding. Don’t mother him, just go about your business and make it your priority to seek to understand him. Make it your STANDARD, so that you can not only be a better woman, but so that you can be a better judge of what you need to do for yourself next. Whether that be going home, or staying for a while enjoying your time together with him (which he might appreciate, rather than being pushed for marriage).

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

3) Find a way to test to see how much he cares, and how committed he really is. I have my own special instant test you can use in my program Commitment Control, to see how much he cares.

My husband David also has three commitment tests which will further help you decide how committed he really is.

And then, get the secrets to escalating his commitment and devotion to you. There’s a classy, Feminine and High Value way to do this, and I wouldn’t teach it any other way. You can learn more in Commitment Control; click here to watch our Commitment Masterclass. 

Love,

Renee.

P.S – got an opinion on this? Got some advice for Penelope? Leave it in the comments section below so that other women can learn from you! Your opinion or advice could make another woman’s day!

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P.S. Connect with me on social media

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Chanel
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Chanel

I don’t think any man would send a letter to their GF’s dad outlining his intent to elope with you unless he actually planned to do it. I feel Penelope’s man really loves her and is waiting for the time to be right. She should not feel cheap at all. Men want to have their ducks in a row before making such commitments. Maybe he is working so hard to save money to buy her the ring of her dreams. Maybe he wants to take her on an incredible honeymoon, and is saving up for that. He also may be… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Chanel, “Ducks in a row”, I like it! 🙂 and it’s true.

Thanks for adding your thoughts. xox

AJ
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AJ

Oh yay love this post. I too was feeling like Penelope after the last post but now I can see and think clearly about my guy. We’ve been together 8 months, long distance and he always came to see me. I was angry about him sleeping with someone else, but we were not exclusive. He wanted to be, but I was afraid to and needed more time. Thus, I asked not to sleep with him yet either, being long distance and all, I was too afraid. Ieven told him *not* to be alone if necessary…but I forgot about that part… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

AJ, yes I understand it’s hard to forget if someone held you up during a hard time. Glad to have written something you enjoy and that you feel you can learn from. xox

AJ
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AJ

Thanks Renee, of course I enjoy and learn from all of your stuff. I believe life is about becoming a better person and your work helps me to do that.

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