Wondering how to turn down a guy? There’s nothing worse than having to let someone down when you didn’t really have any interest in the first palce.
You’ve been there before. You’re sitting on the train by yourself or waiting innocently for an appointment, and some guy starts talking to you. Even before he opened his mouth, you felt his eyes on you, and your feminine intuition perks its head up and says….’this guy is bad news….’
So you remain friendly, and try not to say too much just in case you wrongly give him the impression you’re interested.
But you also try not to say too little just in case he’s one of those men whose anger boils over when you refuse to give him attention. I think every woman has had the unfortunate opportunity to deal with a guy coming on too strong.
Whilst you’re trying to balance out your inattention with your pleasantries, the tension is building and it gets to the crunch point where he says:
“So where are you going after this?”
“So have you got a boyfriend?”
Or the dreaded…
“What’s your number?”
How To Turn Down A Guy
If you’re lucky, you can get away with the old
“I have a boyfriend, sorry.”
But sometimes, just sometimes, a more ‘intense’ kind of guy throws this at you:
“WHAT?! Am I not good enough for You???!!”
Or proceeds to stalk you on your subsequent wanderings.
By this time your heart is racing, and you’re feeling a little vulnerable and perhaps a tad scared. I’ve witnessed this exact situation happen with other women, as well as with myself. It’s particularly bad when a man is intoxicated.
What do you DO??!
So first things first…
Assess The Seriousness Of The Situation First
Assess the situation you’re in first!
If the “I have a boyfriend, sorry” line didn’t work, then you most likely have a bigger problem on your hands.
There will be men who disrespect your femininity and vulnerability and use their overpowering masculinity to try to intimidate you in to submitting to them or giving them the attention they want.
And if you look particularly feminine, young/innocent, are an open/kind and warm woman or are particularly petite or delicate, you may even appear more like the ideal target for men like this.
No wonder so many women refuse to smile and talk to men they’ve never met before. It can get us into a bit of a predicament and men can take it the wrong way!
It’s hard for women, as we don’t want to give men the wrong impression by smiling at him – hence giving him the impression that we’re open to him, yet we don’t want to feel too mean, either.
Nor do we want to ignore men or seem arrogant, snobby or dismissive.
So how do we strike a good balance and get the result we want without damaging a man’s ego or causing him to get more angry and feel more rejected?
First of all, you need to assess the situation you’re in. Are you in any physical danger? If you are, then you’ll need to think quickly and think smart.
If you’re not in any danger, then a straightforward remark like these will suffice:
“I’m not interested in dating right now.”
“I’m studying two courses and have three jobs and I’m way too busy to date. Thanks though, I’m flattered.”
Here are some other ideas for you on how to turn down a guy. If your guy is particularly thick and doesn’t “take the hint”, then choose the less subtle options.
#1: Request Assistance From A Male Acquaintance Or Friend
If you’re around friends or other people, kindly request help from a strong male friend (or throw a pleading look at the nearest gentleman) and ask him to help you out. He could say something sensible like:
“Hey mate, she’s taken.”
“If you continue to hassle my wife, you’ll be dealing with me”.
Show your vulnerability to another man of close proximity and appeal to his sense of protectiveness, and inclination to help the damsel in distress.
#2: Give Him Some Significance & Cut Him Off
This works well if you’re a little fearful of your safety (due to the possibility of him not taking the hint and not letting up). The idea is to not ‘trigger’ his anger or already fragile self esteem that you may have already sensed.
Instead you remove his defences first by giving some kind of positive validation or feedback.
(But underneath the flattering comment, you know that you still don’t intend to contact him).
Here’s an example. You’ll notice that the first sentence is aimed at removing his defences:
“Hey, you seem like a nice guy. But my mum is terminally ill and in the hospital at the moment, she really needs me to visit her every day, but I’m running late and need to go immediately.”
#3: A Cheeky Spin On the “I Have A Boyfriend” Card
So the most straightforward way to play this card is to just say you have a boyfriend (obviously).
But you could also try saying something like:
“Did you hear that??!”
……….”oh it’s my phone, I think it must be my boyfriend calling!”
Nothing says “no” like silence. So don’t be afraid to use it!
Silence says a lot without you having to say anything at all. It is low risk and high reward.
Unless he’s obsessed and will not stop chasing or stalking you.
In that case, I suggest you try suggestion number 5…
#5: Tell Him THIS…
Men naturally fear getting bashed and killed if they take the risk of poaching another man’s woman…this is why you’ll see men be more reluctant than women are to just try to pick up someone that belongs to someone else.
(Women tend to feel more entitled to some other woman’s man even if he’s married, since this kind of violence doesn’t occur as much between women).
However, as I mentioned, the same is not true for the male species. There are different rules among the men in the world, because if they try to “poach” someone else’s girlfriend or wife and the boyfriend finds out, he could end up in a deadly fight.
In the animal kingdom, this is pretty much how it goes. And same with the human kingdom, only just less so in this modern age where we have unspoken rules against such violence.
Nonetheless, plenty of men are in jail right now for maiming or murdering another man for cutting his grass.
So, use this to your advantage and if he’s coming on too strong or not taking no for an answer, tell him:
“My boyfriend will be after you.”
Or if you are feeling threatened and really want to step it up a notch…
“My boyfriend will bash you/finish you.”
#6: Use The Rejection Hotline Number For Your Country
Yep. There are rejection hotlines (numbers) you can give a creepy guy to make him go away.
What’s a rejection hotline?
A rejection hotline is a number you can call that will either politely or impolitely turn town a guy down for you.
But beware: if you use one of these rejection hotline numbers, that guy will never see you the same again, so just make sure that you won’t want or need him again in the future.
Remember to always assess the situation first though. Some men are not stable, and if you sense violence in them, it’s best to melt that anger first (use point #2) in order to save yourself.
With some unbalanced and aggressive guys, if you get angry or aggressive back or outright reject him and criticise him, this could make him more angry.
It’s important to remember that in a difficult situation such as this, where an egocentric man uses his masculinity for the worse, normal ways of dealing with men may not apply.
There are some men who will play on your vulnerability and the more vulnerable you look, the worse they get.
If you are with a girlfriend, you can give her a nudge to help you out. I have a very smart, witty and quick-thinking girlfriend who got us out of a situation like this before by grabbing my hand and immediately marching off with me. This was brazen and abrupt but effective in the circumstances.
Always Stay Safe
Above all, remember to always stay safe. If he is being aggressive and you are alone, make sure to have enough situational awareness to not escalate the situation.
Show that you are not going to be taken advantage of by firmly stating that you no longer wish to be hassled, and that if he continues it you will call your brother, use your pepper spray or call the police.
Ultimately, every situation will be different but knowing your outcome and standing your ground helps.
Do you want to increase your knowledge about men? Click here to get our popular program Understanding Men.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new program titled “Becoming His One & Only!”…Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
Do you have any suggestions for ways in which women can deal with unwanted attention? What do you do when you need to turn a guy down? Do you have any good stories to share with us that we can all learn from?
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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