Article updated 2018

It’s cool to complain in a group of girlfriends. It’s cool to bitch and back-stab, because we’re so much more perfect than so-and-so, right? It’s cool to get together and complain about men, and talk about how many jerks there are out there – and then sit there befuddled, because you don’t know what to do about it.

(Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

It’s cool to ruthlessly chase a career, and it’s cool to place your man second to said career.

It’s cool to get blind drunk and fall on the floor every Saturday night, week in, week out.

It’s pretty cool to dress in revealing clothes. It’s cool to sleep with lots of hot men. When did it become an ‘achievement’ for women to sleep with lots of different, good-looking men?

‘Sex’ is easy to come by. Money can buy it. Heck, it may even come for free with the right box of cereal.

But what happened to the Ladies? What happened to women with high standards? What happened to the women leaders?

We live in a society where we’re taught to be cool. To fit in. Social norms are the rules and the fat of the bell curve is where we should belong.

The great thinker, Tim Ferris once said that there’s more competition in the middle of the bell curve…than there is at the top. Be ahead of the curve.

But you risk being UNcool when you leave the fat of the bell curve.

It’s UNcool to be very emotional in public.

It’s UNcool to admit defeat.

It’s UNcool to admit vulnerabilities. (Click here to download your “Goddess Report”)

It’s UNcool to have unconventional dreams and believe in them.

It’s uncool to be authentic, because standing up for yourself and having absolute certainty may actually make others feel threatened by you because of their own lack of certainty – thereby, leading you to feel less connected to and loved by other people, causing most to sacrifice their dreams for fear of other people not accepting them or not loving them.

See, ‘fitting in’ works for momentary pleasure. But standing out, and having solid values is what will give you ultimate fulfillment. The worst thing is to live your life the way others expect you to. To do what everyone else is doing because otherwise, you’ll be a social outcast.

Fitting in leads to mediocrity. Mediocrity leads to a life that may be OK, but is certainly not going to be exciting, passion filled, and red hot and spicy.

A woman who fits in rarely attract high value men, click here to learn the 17 Attraction Triggers and know what triggers a man naturally.

Questions:

Are you one who fits in? Or do you prefer to stand out?

Who do you know that has been outstanding in one or many parts of their life by not fitting in with the crowd but instead believing in themselves?

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

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Erin
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Erin

On the note of feminism, I have to admit that even I am afraid to use that term those days because of the stereotype that comes with it, but also because of the few women that really do take it too far. I prefer to say I’m an egalitarian, which reaches out much more towards my vision either way. I’m not only for women’s rights, but also for men’s rights, and minorities, children… anyone. That said, I think it’s a little unfair to call things certain people choose to do ‘fitting in’. What if this is really who they are?… Read more »

Anais
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Anais

Hi Erin, with the exception being sexually attracted to women, you sound a lot like me. I like both “girly” things such as dancing and cooking, but also and “guy” things such as gaming. I enjoy occasionally wearing sexy clothes that some other women might think is “too much” even though I haven’t had any casual sex encounters. I don’t see myself raising my own children. And I wholeheartedly agree you can love so-called male hobbies and still be feminine. Some of the most feminine women I know are also into video games, like muyself. Being feminine is more in… Read more »

LilaLivs
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LilaLivs

I am perhaps a slightly younger woman than most who are engaged with this blog, which, may I add, is relevant to a younger me so much so I can only be glad I stumbled upon it when I did! Thanks for writing this Renee! It’s true; fitting in is neither relevant to you as a person nor is it the motive of great people. There is a saying ‘stop trying to fit in when you clearly stand up’ btw i really love this article, it really motivated me and changed the way I think about things.

Vicky
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Vicky

I consider myself a feminist and I am greatly insulted by Connie’s liberal use of “feminazis” and her implication that being a feminist a bad thing. That stereotype is simply untrue. Yes, there are SOME crazy “feminazis” out there, but the fact is, “feminism” has such a wide and broad definition the chances of finding two feminists who agree on everything is very little. Personally, speaking AS a feminist, I believe that the reason why so many people want to abandon their femininity or are looked down for being feminine is because we have been taught by society that being… Read more »

Viki Samoja
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Viki Samoja

Feminism has roots in marxism, that is a fact, and as someone who comes from post socialist country i can tell you that communism had some very good ideas, i like having my state take care that i don’t die if i can’t pay for doctors, i love that my state will not let me starve to death if i get down on my luck, i love having social security. That said, communism had some fatal flaws in it, that is why we had to ditch it in the end. Flaw number 1.It assumed people will work even when they… Read more »

April
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Dear Renee, I LOVE getting your “golden nuggets”!! 😉 Thank you for “reviving” Femininity & all that it entails. I’m a 39 year-old (40 in 6 days!) single woman & I AM A WOMAN WHO WILL NEVER FIT IN. Sure, I get lonely but I will never be needy. I’ve seen too many friends & relatives get married, have children…way too soon because THEY COULDN’T STAND THE IDEA OF BEING ‘ALONE’ PAST AGE 30! Now…the majority of them are getting divorced or are very unhappy & always always “stressed out.” Wow! How FUN! ;-0 I admit I have high standards…not… Read more »

P
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P

^^

Connie
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Connie

Gosh I just call it as I see it. If you find your entertainment in bashing men and thinking you have to get away to a bar to rid yourself of those stinky kids and pain of a hubby then that is what I call a Contentious Harpy. The demanding, whining woman who expects her man to read her mind and then does nothing but complain. She lives under the motto of “I deserve”. Do I say it to their face.?NO! I am always polite and kind to all that I meet. That is how I was brought up. I… Read more »

jrd
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jrd

Melinda says: “Could you please elaborate on why you think her post is condescending?”

(For the record, I am also a college educated stay-at-home mother who conducts my life similarly to how Connie describes herself.)

Connie states that she does “not join in the nonsense” or “partake…in the behavior of the Contentious Harpy”. I detect a contemptuousness for all/most other females. For me, it explains why she has “NEVER fit in with other women”.

Connie
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Connie

Well I do not like to be perceived in a negative light. I strive to avoid that. However, I only complained about male bashing and negative female group behavior because this would be the safe place to do so. I have taken alot of heat from women for being too feminine, too submissive, too unavailable to “play” due to my responsibilites in the home with 5 children,(homeschooled) 1 with Special Needs. A small farm and several animals that need daily care such as milking etc., gardening, and just the day to day care a home with children needs. I have… Read more »

Melinda
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Melinda

Jrd, I see Connie knocking certain behavior, but I’m not getting how disagreeing with something a person does is the same as seeing them as inferior. Could you please elaborate on why you think her post is condescending?

Connie
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Connie

WOW JRD you are amazing. I have never been called condescending before. Quiet, shy,etc but not condescending. Do not get how you got that from my post. Must have read it with your own agenda floating around.
That is a shame because you missed my point.

jrd
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jrd

Connie, you forgot number 8 on your list of why you do not fit in:

8. I am condenscending to others.

Connie
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Connie

Renee, I love your blog! As an older (52) woman I am still finding I can and need to learn about myself. I have NEVER fit in with other women. I do have a small group of very close female friends and consider my husband to be my best friend. We both are very close to another male friend. However, in situations like Bible Studie, Womens groups etc I find I am often given the cold shoulder.I am warm and friendly. I do not look my age, I work out and watch my diet and I am in good shape.I… Read more »

Kendra
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Kendra

I agree that ‘uncoolness’ = coolness, but not the kind where someone attempts to stand out or force themselves. I mean the kind where you let it flow on it’s own and most importantly, believe and trust in that uncoolness.

Sachmet
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Sachmet

I do not think that wanting to fit in is generally a bad thing but actualy quite normal. It’s usually the group you want to fit in that’s “bad”. So I fit into the group I chose quite well but we are all mature and old enough so that nobody has to become someone s/he is not in order to fit into the group. We are all different, do not always share the same values let alone have the same opinion about everything but as we are all well beyond our teenager days this is no problem. My younger brother… Read more »

Livi
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Totally agree with that. While I do like to “fit in” I try not to compromise my values to do so. I don’t go out drinking, I refuse to chase a career or but anything before finding a good man. Sadly I have lost quite a few friends because of it but I figure they can’t have been especially good friends in the first place!

clarice
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clarice

its cool to be “uncool”

Karen
Guest

So true Rennee! Usually if something “feels” wrong, or you feel you shouldn’t really do a certain thing, then you probably shouldn’t do it. We all basically know what is right and wrong, so if “Jimmine Cricket” is on your shoulder and whispering in your ear, maybe you should listen to him.

Sometimes you have to show a little moral courage by not doing what everyone else is doing.

Poppy War
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Poppy War

Thanks for the post. It was very encouraging!

sarah
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sarah

I know a girl who goes out to the bar and gets drunk regularly with her friends. Her boyfriend was happy to date her (have sex with her), but refused to consider marrying her. He didn’t want to marry a woman who acted like that. Standards are important….even if all your friends are going out to the bars doesn’t mean it’s in your best interest for you to do so. In the end the girl got pregnant on purpose…but he has so little respect for her that he asked for a paternity test! Blending in with the crowd isn’t worth… Read more »

Sasha
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Sasha

It seems to me that all the coolest people are those who break from the norms and forge their own path, and do so with enough confidence and charisma that others choose to follow them. It’s cool to be different if you FEEL (and thus, act) as if you are cool. Blending in with the crowd may be ‘safe’ and ‘normal,’ but it sure doesn’t make you cool…it only makes you an average, easily ignored member of the faceless masses. The Fonz, for example, is considered by many to be the coolest television character of all time…does he dress or… Read more »

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