So you want to know how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend. If he’s hurt you badly, it’s understandable that you want revenge.
The first step to getting revenge on your ex boyfriend is to acknowledge your anger, and thank it for being there.
By doing this, you are sending a message to your soul that it is not alone. You’re letting you soul know that it is heard, seen and acknowledged.
It is important to respect your anger – quietly to yourself. Feel it, and let its effects burn through the cells of your body.
Not so that you can do something silly right now – but so that you can be a friend to your anger.
How To Get Revenge On Your Ex Boyfriend Or Husband?
Here’s the interesting thing about getting revenge on your ex boyfriend:
He was your boyfriend in the past.
Which means that you were willingly involved with him. Due to this fact – most of the time (almost always actually), there were signs along the way about the kind of person he is, and what was coming.
There are always signs. We usually just ignore them because we figure we’re getting enough out of the relationship with the person.
Regardless, when we willingly choose to get involved with a guy, he always shows signs about who he is in a relationship.
There would have been signs showing you how he treats you, and the kind of habits that he has.
Getting revenge on your ex boyfriend is not like getting revenge on someone for an isolated incident in life.
What’s an isolated incident?
For example, some stranger keying your car at the local shopping mall (which is a random act of envy).
Or a stranger coming to your house to burgle it and in the process, hurting you and your family.
Incidents like this are a coincidence – you can effectively say that you were unlucky, and that you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.
The revenge you feel like getting in this situation is likely to be a direct response to a violent act that caused you sudden and acute suffering.
Getting revenge on an ex is different. You were involved with this guy, and you got involved with him willingly.
Which means that although he hurt you and you want to get revenge on him, what you want revenge on him for is not solely his responsibility.
Effectively, some of the responsibility for what happened to you actually falls on your shoulders.
Because you contributed to his toxic behaviour by tolerating it and by choosing him time and time again.
Now, at this point you may feel like I’m blaming you.
Not at all. You’re hurting, and you are angry. This is a GOOD thing.
Sometimes this is what it takes to make better decisions in your future relationships.
But the problem is that even though your anger towards your ex is completely justified, this anger may also be a little late.
Every tiny bit of anger and hurt that you held inside towards your ex in the past, contributes to your desire to get revenge on him today.
However, if you had felt that anger and hurt earlier, or shared that anger with your ex earlier, or perhaps had stronger boundaries and a willingness to walk away from the relationship, you wouldn’t be here.
I understand that you may not think this is true. What he did was probably uncalled for.
But it’s also our job to test a guy, and figure out what kind of person he is in a relationship.
It’s when we don’t do that, that we end up in a worse place later on.
After all, your anger will talk you into doing horrible things to your ex.
Because it’s so strong, and because your anger naturally feels entitled to causing him suffering.
I Threw Things At My Ex For Cheating On Me…
Again, I don’t blame you. I got revenge on an ex boyfriend for cheating on me.
(But – I always look back on my actions in regret).
I didn’t know what to do when I found out the cheating happened, so I confided in a feisty girlfriend whom I was sure had the answers for me on how to get retribution.
She recommended I kick him in the balls, because it’s what she would do.
She always maintained that the worst thing someone could do to you was cheat on you.
I spared him the kick in the balls, I mean it just felt too mean.
But I did throw some of his belongings at him. Namely, his backpack and some clothes.
But guess what?
I was still met with the exact same blank stare in the end.
He just didn’t care.
(But he did want me back again later on, after I was taken). But that’s a story for another time.
Ever since this event, whenever I’ve needed to get revenge on someone, I’ve always done it in a specific way that works wonders. I’ll share with you my method very soon.
Were There Signs About The Kind Of Person Your Ex Was?
As I mentioned, there are always signs. Even if your ex’s affair or cutting off financial resources to you came as a surprise.
In relationships, we get what we tolerate. (Here are 6 Behaviours You Should Never tolerate In A Man).
Which most likely means that you want to know how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend due to a build up of emotions (that should have been addressed earlier in your relationship with your ex).
Let’s look at all the reasons you may want to get revenge on your ex boyfriend:
- He may have cheated on you
- He lied repeatedly
- There may be an already existing cycle of mutual revenge-seeking between you
- Maybe he financially damaged you
- He could have physically hurt you or your children
- He could be trying to control your actions and movements
- He deliberately ruined your reputation
- He could be undermining other relationships that are important to you
- Or just generally being a gaslighting asshole
Now let’s quickly look at whether getting revenge on an ex is really going to help you, and is it good to get revenge on an ex?
Is It Good To Get Revenge On An Ex Boyfriend?
Revenge always comes at a cost.
Sure, you may feel backed into a corner by your ex, and you may feel completely justified in any wild actions you want to take right now.
But emotions can be fleeting. You can always FEEL your emotions in private, which comes at little cost – except for your physical and emotional energy.
But acting on these emotions always comes at a bigger cost. Costs such as:
- Your own reputation
- Regret (and possibly shame)
- Guilt (and consequently, your own sanity)
Your self esteem. Because your ex’s indifference to you and your actions may drag down your sense of esteem. Also because it is only later on that you will realise just how uncalibrated your actions were).
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You Won’t Believe What She Did To Her Ex Boyfriend!
I’ll never forget the incident many years ago involving a mean (emotionally cold) girl who dated the best looking guy in the school.
This guy was Italian and he never grew taller than 5 feet 6 or 7. But his face was so beautiful, none of the girls cared about his height.
So he was sort-of seeing this girl. But people knew he didn’t really care about her – he was only in it for the hookup. It was commonly understood that he wasn’t committed to her.
Everyone told her that he wasn’t going to commit to her, too. But she held onto him like he’d be the last guy who’d ever give her attention.
To the surprise of no-one, one day he cheated on her and left her for someone else.
Just like that.
Now, this guy was one of the few who had his own car (a rather phallic, flashy one at that), and he used to drive it to and from school.
What did this girl do to get revenge?
Well, she knew that his car was precious to him. So she targeted the beloved car.
She waited until he was out of sight (and she couldn’t be caught in the act), and proceeded to egg his car and slash his tires.
Needless to say, he was pretty pissed off. He didn’t do anything in retaliation to her, he just dealt with the problem with the help of his family, and moved on.
But get this, right?
It did not change the fact that he loved the other girl and ultimately chose to be with her.
Her actions didn’t change a thing for her. Not a single thing! It didn’t even make him go and yell at her. He simply ignored her, dealt with the issue and moved right on.
Powerful move, huh?
Here’s what sucks:
After the incident, everyone laughed at her (ok they also laughed at him for getting his car egged, it was kind of funny).
But people laughed at them both for different reasons.
People were laughing at him because his precious car got egged and his tires were slashed. He would easily recover from that.
But people were laughing at her because of who she was.
In other words, her actions didn’t gain her more respect or honour. It just made people see her as lower value (because it was obvious before she got revenge on him, that she was with the wrong guy who didn’t cherish her).
Yet she still chose to attach to him.
Is that her fault?
I wouldn’t say it was her fault. But what we have to understand is that she also contributed to this end result.
This doesn’t make her hurt any less valid – but it does make her revenge seem a bit over the top to most people who are looking on.
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Is Ignoring An Ex The Best Revenge?
Ignoring someone is the best way to reduce their self esteem, make your ex feel worthless and give them a feeling of inferiority..
But only if they need you. And only if they care about you and what you think of them.
So that nullifies any attempt to ignore your ex as revenge if they feel indifferent to you. So what is the best revenge for your ex?
What Is The Best Revenge To Your Ex?
The best revenge is to:
- Move on (regain dignity in private by processing your emotions).
- Heal yourself so that you never fall into the trap of dating someone who doesn’t value you ever again; all with a view to:
- Not caring about him anymore.
So how can you accomplish this?
We’ll talk about how you can accomplish revenge in a “nice” yet satisfying way in these 7 steps to get revenge on your ex.
How To Get Revenge On Your Ex Boyfriend in 7 Easy Steps
Firstly, remember that this is not about getting blunt-force revenge. Because this will never truly help you.
Unless your ex killed your child, sibling or parents, blunt force revenge will almost always feel bad for you later on.
If you act on this intense emotion right now without pausing to feel your emotions, process them and form a proper plan, you will only cause yourself to suffer in the end – not your ex!
Let me invite you right now, to take a deep breath and to delay landing a fatal blow to your ex.
Instead, take these 7 steps to get well planned, cleverly executed and self satisfying revenge:
1: Acquire A Cheap, Custom Made Voodoo Doll
No, I don’t believe in voodoo magic. But I do believe in your need to expel pent up, toxic emotions towards you ex (or else you may just damage your own health and somebody else’s).
2: Go Through Every Last Thing Your Ex Did To Hurt You
Look at the face of this voodoo doll and let your anger out. I mean, you can throw the voodoo doll around, or you can just do it the traditional way and put pins into various body parts.
Alternatively, why not position your voodoo doll in a high place, like on top of your tallboy, and throw some hard objects at it?
(Hey, you asked how to get revenge on your ex!)
3: Ask Yourself: “How did I let my ex be a part of my life without questioning it?”
Feel deeply into this question. Ask the question multiple times, over many weeks and months if you need to.
This is the best part of getting revenge. Because it is the thing that will ultimately allow you to move onto a better partner in the future.
(And your ex will have to deal with the reality of seeing you move onto someone so much better than them. Plus, you’ll know that your ex could never accomplish this same endeavour. Due to his toxic ways, he’ll always have to settle for someone of lower quality than you).
Wouldn’t that be the perfect revenge for your ex? I think so.
So what’s the purpose of asking yourself:
Because your ex was toxic. But you accepted it willingly. So it’s time to assess why.
You owe it to yourself.
Remember, this is the best revenge for your ex!
4: Write Down All The Reasons You Tolerated Your Ex’s Behaviour
Why did you accept his behaviour? What did you get out of his behaviour?
Go deep with this. Here are some common reasons I’ve found why women tolerate a toxic partner, to kick start this process for you:
- They didn’t think the could get any better than their ex
- They worry that they are not worthy of someone better
- They enjoyed the attention they got from their ex
- They enjoyed the toxic cycle of bad treatment because it allowed them to secure attention and sympathy from other friends and family.
- Their ex provided for them financially
- They were afraid of having to parent alone.
- They were afraid of other people’s judgements should they leave the relationship.
- They were afraid of being single.
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5: Write Down The Cost Of Tolerating His Behaviour In The Past
This is pretty straightforward – you just have to take a good look at your life, and at your emotional state.
- Are these two things suffering greatly due to your choice of relationship in the past?
- Did being with your ex make your life better, or worse? In what ways?
See, we often aren’t consciously aware of these things while we’re with our ex. We kind of just take the damage up the behind and keep moving forward mindlessly.
But this habit is just as toxic (to yourself) as your ex’s behaviour.
Because whilst your ex was toxic himself – you tolerating his toxicity gives this toxicity a place.
6: Remember And Never Forget.
Now that you’ve become visually and consciously aware of the costs of your ex’s behaviour, it’s time to move to the two fun parts of how to get revenge on your ex boyfriend.
Relive, remember and never forget the cost of your ex’s behaviour!
Relive it and remind yourself of the costs. Every. Single. day.
Because we humans, we tend to forget over time. The intensity of the angry emotions die down and they’re replaced with the “what ifs” and the “if onlys”.
Don’t let it happen.
Remember and never forget.
7: Enjoy Your Newfound Emotional Freedom And Awareness.
There’s nothing as priceless in this world as emotional freedom.
What is emotional freedom? It’s the feeling of not needing or relying on toxic people and toxic environments.
In the context of getting revenge on your ex, such freedom is the quality of being able to detach from someone who doesn’t care about you, and who never saw your value.
And the best part about having emotional freedom and awareness?
Being able to choose a new, emotionally healthy partner.
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Frequently Asked Questions On How To Get Revenge On Your Ex
How To Get Revenge On Your Ex Anonymously?
If you want to take “the low road” to get revenge, well, here are some brutal ways to fantasise about getting revenge on your ex anonymously.
But just remember that if you do these things, they won’t promise you eternal satisfaction, because revenge always comes at a cost to you.
- Hack their email or other account
- Write a damning story about them and spread the story across the internet
- Spread a rumour about him
- Pretend to be a desperate girl/woman next door, feign interest in sex with him and proceed to set him up for a sexual encounter (and then when crunch time comes, stand him up)
- Keep prank calling him at work
- Share/enter/sell his email address to some organisation that will spam his inbox to no end
- Hire someone to contact his new lover, telling her everything about him that is damning. Ie: make sure that she knows all of the dark and dirty things he is capable of
Here’s the catch about getting revenge anonymously: you have to wait until enough time has passed that your ex won’t connect the fatal blow to you.
Even if you get revenge anonymously, he may still know that you were the perpetrator, just through intuition.
As such, mostly I’d recommend to just fantasise about these types of brutal revenge rather than acting on them, unless you’re truly justified in your actions.
How To Make Your Ex Miserable?
There are two ways to make your ex miserable:
- By taking the high road; or
- By taking the petty road.
Here’s the high road:
Become more emotionally and physically resourceful so that you can nurture your own hurt. When you nurture yourself, you grow into the best version of you (that he will miss and crave for after you’ve broken up).
Use this newfound resourcefulness to attract a much higher value boyfriend or husband. He’ll have to see you being snapped up by a better quality human, and that may hurt because he’ll know that he can never compare to your new lover.
Become independent of his opinions, thoughts and behaviours. Consciously let him go, because you know that he can no longer bring value to you. This is how you can shut him out, ignore him and set yourself free.
And the petty ways? (Or the petty road)…
Use all the above methods to get revenge on your ex anonymously in order to make your ex miserable.
Act out towards him in any way your emotions tell you to, so that you can get the emotions out and feel satisfied for a day.
Ultimately, choosing the petty road means to use your emotions in unresourceful ways.
If you choose to take this path, the only real satisfaction you will get is that you get some emotions out in the short-term – it will just feel cathartic for a little while.
However, afterwards, you’ll realise that nothing about you or your life has essentially changed. So you will never experience true satisfaction.
I recommend taking the high road.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Final Words On How To Get Revenge On Your Ex
Remember: the best revenge is to move on, not care and heal yourself.
Go ahead, take the 7 steps to get revenge on your ex boyfriend, and make sure that you never fall into the same trap again.
I hope this helps you as much as it possibly can, being that it’s an article you’re reading through a screen.
Know that I may not be there right next to you, but I’m cheering for you. You can do this.
Take care, and please leave me some feedback about this article below. It would be of great help to me and to other women.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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