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Article updated 2018

You may already be a woman in some areas of your life.  One thing is for sure…the area of intimate relationships is the place where most of us show up as little girls and little boys.

Ironically…at the same time, we demand a man out of our partner. Or we claim that the dating market is full of little boys.

The truth is…we wouldn’t be so enthusiastic to say there are tonnes of little boys in the dating market if we were showing up as a woman. Because a woman notices the little boys, but her attention is too diverted towards the Real Men to complain about the boys.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

First things first: it’s OK that you’re showing up more as a little girl than a woman, if you feel like you are. If you don’t acknowledge the little girl, then she will never let the woman appear. She will resist the Real woman in you until you give her the acknowledgement, love, and nurturing that this fearful little girl needs.

The little girl serves a purpose, and that is to keep you safe. Little girls are afraid, and usually deeply afraid. And intimate relationship is the area of life where she kicks and she screams. A lot. Or she holds back.

Afraid little girls don’t produce much attraction in a Real man. Afraid little girls produce tonnes of attraction in a boy, because boys go for what is easy. A real woman shows a sleazeball how his sleaziness makes her feel, so boys (who can be sleazeballs at the same time) know they can’t get their way with a real woman.

It’s pretty obvious that a Real Man (mature man) is not going to want a little girl. So, as I have learned myself…before you ask for a ‘mature’ man, you need to look in the mirror.

We are ALL very good at pointing at other people and saying ‘Oh yeah, THEY do THAT.’ But we don’t really look at ourselves. And in my experience…the problems we experience in intimate relationship (ie attracting bad men), is almost always our own doing.

I am exactly the same. I find I’ve had to work hard and be very conscious in order transcend my own limiting ‘girl like’ patterns. I would say that my man is more man (more mature) than I am woman…but the reason I can even be a woman at all is because he sees through my BS. I simply CAN’T be anything else but the better version of myself when I am around him.

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

And this is what I am asking of YOU today…

I’m asking that you love and accept the little girl, and make her safe. But now it’s time to make the woman show up more…because she’s already inside you.

Just for the record…the only reason I can even write this post is because I will say that I started off as GIRL as they come. Yup, I used to kick and scream my way through things. And it’s because I came from such a low place that I’ve now been able to look back and see how I was digging my own grave in my relationships.

Great men, REAL men are hard to attract and not easy to keep. In the end you just have to decide whether he is worth you moving through your own fears in order to live a greater quality of life. And I say life because…the quality of our life and how happy we are depends on how happy our relationships are.

If you have ever wondered what a real woman might look like…here are my opinions.

Here are the 6 KEY Differences between a Little Girl and a Real Woman

KEY Difference Number 1)

A little girl criticises and complains when things aren’t how she wants them. A woman expresses her hurt and vulnerability, and perhaps then does what she can to change the situation herself.

Changing the situation herself could include; loving her man through his fears instead of reacting to everything. Which inevitably leads both of them to more pain.

KEY Difference Number 2)

A little girl is obsessed with the idea of ‘equality’ and ‘compromise’ in a relationship with a man. Personally, I hate compromise. Because I feel the constriction in my body when I ask for it. I feel myself closing. I feel that I am creating my own suffering and my man’s suffering when I ask for a compromise. That’s not a relationship; it’s a business deal.

A woman recognises that whenever she demands equality or compromise that this is her fear driving her to ask for that. She does the fearless thing instead; she knows that compromise and vying for ‘equality’ is a child’s game that might lead to CONTENTMENT and safety, but NEVER to ecstasy, and certainly NEVER, to an infinite life with a man.

KEY Difference Number 3)

A little girl stays with an abusive man who can’t really love her, because it feels familiar and she sees that constricted, bad treatment as a secure way to live life. A woman will feel deeper in to herself and recognise that there is ‘more’ our there in this infinite world. In fact, more accurate it is for me to say: she is fearless enough to BELIEVE in that something more out there.

Yes, fearlessness is not only a man’s thing. Don’t make the mistake of thinking feminine energy means you can’t be fearless. Is a mother fearful when she needs to be there for her family? No. A grown mother needs to do what she needs to do to protect her young and to love her man.

Key Difference Number 4)

A little girl is afraid of ecstasy as well as extreme pain. A woman allows herself to surrender to life’s rules (which are the Essential rules of the Feminine Energy): surrender to both extreme pain AND extreme ecstasy and you will live an infinite life. Settle for anything less and you are bound to experience suffering.

A woman knows AND allows herself to FEEL excruciating pain that is emotional, physical, or mental. Yet, she also allows herself to feel extreme pleasure without restricting her body’s pleasure.

(Hint: a woman also embraces other people’s extreme pain and extreme pleasure)

Any guess as to what a Real Man is looking for? He’s looking for a woman who is unafraid of her pleasure or pain. This is depth. And that’s what woman is; depth. A little girl is surface. Any deep emotion is something she RUNS from. She’s superficial and fake.

I’ve come to realise that most of us are fake. We’re just doing what we can to please others and not be rejected by them. Fake has a place when it has its place. But it’s useless if what you want is a deep and passionate relationship with a man that lasts. (See my post on boring women vs crazy women)

Key Difference Number 5)

A little girl doesn’t recognise when Life repeatedly send her the message that it’s time to bring out a different, or more Evolved part of herself.

(Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

A woman uses her consciousness (a form of Masculine energy, actually), to reflect on a situation and to surrender to the loss of usefulness of an ancient part of herself. It doesn’t mean that ancient part won’t have a place at some point in the future. It might, it might not.

But Life is always changing. Which means we must surrender to the messages that beg us to change with it. Complaining about the same thing you complained about yesterday means you are miles behind the next Real Woman who has already adapted.

So you can’t expect to attract better quality people in to your life if you refuse to adapt at all! Real Men come with a price tag! They come with a list of Requirements of what they like in a woman.

Life throws these situations at us a lot. And I’d take a wild guess and say that most of us a VERY far behind and need to catch up on the newer parts of ourselves that are needed in order to move on to the next stage of life.

That 15 year old teenager is only useful in a 35 year old’s body for so long. That 15 year old is fearful of other women as competition…the woman however, is not afraid to say: ‘I know the value I have to add. I’m willing to add this value to a man who is worthy of me.’

KEY Difference Number 6)

A little girl feels entitled and deserving in the dating world and in her relationships (which leads to being desperate). for example “HE should be doing this for ME!’ No. First ask; am I showing up as the kind of woman who would attract that better treatment from a man?

‘Am I even the kind of woman to attract a Real Man? Or am I a little girl who is only attracting little boys right now and that’s why I’m dissatisfied and angry?’

A woman knows that deserving is a loaded word. A lot of people in this world supposedly deserve something. How often do we REALLY get what we think we deserve? Hardly ever. We only truly get what we deserve when we do what we do just because we WANT to, not because we are counting how much we get back.

Love,

Renee.

If you feel you are ready for Mature Man, we show you step-by-step how to Understand, and how to find a Real Man who will worship you and take care of you forever, in our program Understanding Men. Click here to get more information about this number one program.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

Do you have anything to add to this list? If you do, go ahead and add to the discussion below. I would be grateful, and so would other women reading your additions. 

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Jessica
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Jessica

I only let the little girl out when it deems necessary. The woman tthat I am is what people see. Real women are becoming extinct as well as real men. It’s ok to let the kid in you come out at the right place and the right time. When it comes to attracting a real man, show him that you are a real woman and not a little girl. The same goes for the men. If you don’t let the kid in you out, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

Kei
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Kei

Wow!! Did I ever need to wake up and read this right now!
I have been dealing with the aftermath of domestic violence for
12 years, and knew there is a better part of me deep inside, separate
from the fewr. This article has found that part of me! Now I have
a foundation to build upon….the Woman inside of me. The girl in
fear can take a much needed break.
THANK YOU, Rene. Happy Thanksgiving !

alicia
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alicia

Thanks renee – great article on all points except 2 I got it ie show vulnerability don’t be defensive/critical, doing to get breeding entitlement rather than doing for the joy of it, but with 2 equality and compromise what is your recommendation (it wasn’t clear to me in the article) is it going for 100% what you want? thanks

alicia
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alicia

Renee what do you do when you realise you are not a strong career woman (like I thought) and need support and would like to be looked after but you don’t and have never had that… and don’t feel worthy of it – how do I bridge the gap and GROW without forcing myself to armour up, m,an up and solve it like a problem – eg become more independent financially secure etc but without addressing the root!

Anita
Guest
Anita

I don’t really understand what defines or what is a Real or Mature man. Can someone share what they think he is and what he is not?

Mandy
Guest
Mandy

I’ve been on another relationship expert’s blog page for awhile and I’m expanding to allow other insights… I like the idea of the woman, it is what I know I have a sense of and I know that I should nurture both the woman and the child in different ways. I have planned to get rid of my long, princessy hair. I always wanted long hair when I was a child, because my mom made me get this Dorothy Hamill haircut when I was very small, so I felt I was going against that in having long hair and never… Read more »

Gina
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Gina

That was wonderful! You are wise beyond your years.

Alpha Man
Guest
Alpha Man

Christ! I am brazillian and I cannot help but to compliment your deep insights translated as toughs. I have never read a woman of such tremendous intuition and wisdom before. I felt connected to every one of your considerations. But I sincerely think that there are two kind of people in the world. The deep, profound people and the shallow, “diversity seeking” people – those will only know life’s surfaces, and that is pretty ok with them. But the former can only be content with deep psychological/spiritual energy. We, the second kind of people, have a blessing and a curse… Read more »

Holly
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Holly

Hello Renee I’m glad to read this post you’ve written as I really feel it corresponds well in my life at the moment. I was reading yesterday on a self-help psychology website about the inner child, the article said to get over emotional problems (emotional wounds), people have to heal their inner child. There’s also something called Peter Pan syndrome, were grown adults remain children in adults bodies, regarding something that has gone wrong in that persons development. The Peter Pan syndrome doesn’t surprise me as I feel that I can relate it to myself. What I’m really trying to… Read more »

reena
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reena

Right on Time!

Mrs Cobb
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Mrs Cobb

I agree about this post but there are so many things I don’t understand about my husband. Does this meanthat our marriage is destined to fail? He is mother biggest piece of myheart. Thanks so much Renee!

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Just because you don’t understand your husband does not mean your marriage is destined to fail. You don’t understand, but will you make the effort to understand? Do you find him important enough to understand? Little by little you will understand, if you keep your eyes and ears open and connect the dots. There is no timeline for this so take your time & enjoy the process. To me, I think not understanding everything about your spouse is good, because it breeds curiosity and attraction. A little mystery always keeps us on our toes.

Degen
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Degen

Renee,

Love this post, but I am wondering if you can go into more detail on your opinion about compromise in a relation and equality. I have been on the thought that things should be equal but not everything that you do will be equally split. For example, you both work together to make where you live a home, but he mows the lawn and you vacuum, not that you both split those task or work together on everything. Interested to hear more about this, Cheers!

Viki Samoja
Guest
Viki Samoja

Equality is illusion, when you find yourself at an impasse (as it often happens) somebody has to “slam the fist on the table” else you get caught in a loop and can’t put it behind you, when woman says she has an “equal” relationship she is just blind to see she is in fact leading, and her man is following, look at a TV series Raymond for a graphic representation, would you say they have equal relationship? And guess what, Debra hates this arrangement, most women do, so ask yourself, do you want this kind of arrangement, because that is… Read more »

Sarah Khan
Guest

Thanks alot Renne for sharing this post.It’s very clear to differentiate and very helpful.I really like reading your blog and newsletters.
Love you.

nabhiha
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nabhiha

theres a lot to learn n contemplate on from this blog. I think it is high time fr me to face reality now. I in my early twenties and i think it is high time fr me to leave behind the disappionting past abt immaturity n embracing the real woman inside me. this requires a lot of courage though n confidence, which i will dig fr in myself. thnks fr yur sound advice.

Sarah
Guest
Sarah

Hello Renee, Awesome article and 100% correct! And now I am going to ask you for a detailed article about protecting ones marriage AGAINST the little girls who feel that any man is fair game, married or not. I am specifically referring to the global news story du jour about how some nobody 26 year old was able to break up the marriage of Sergey Brin. Sergey Brin was married to a real woman and a rare gem at that. He dumped his wife and kids for a low level manager in his company who looks and acts like a… Read more »

latifah
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latifah

You are a blessing Renee.i treasure you. Iam learning from you. God bless you abundantly dear.

samar
Guest
samar

really inspiring .. <3

thanks Renee

Adele
Guest
Adele

Renee, can you do a post on when to break up with a man? There is a point in all my relationships that I ever had that I become extremely uncertain about my partner. During those time, I usually break up with them. There would be valid reasons, like unfulfilled promises or flaky behavior. Basically, ill look at everything I don’t like about that person and decide if I want to continue seeing them, and the answer I come to is usually no. It’s usually out of fear that they will disappoint me or hurt me. Usually when a mn… Read more »

Neferyuya
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Neferyuya

I’m in love, I feel good about me, and I just let it be.

It’s easy but the complicating information is
more readily available to us all 24/7/365.

Thank you Renee for pointing out the keys to our own truth.

xox to you baby and David.

Rebecca
Guest
Rebecca

Thank you Renee 🙂

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