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Article updated 2018

A diamond ring.

A big set of arms to hold you tight and close with.

A nice house.

Marriage.

Beautiful children.

Why would a man ever give any woman any of these things?

There are 3 reasons.

1) To keep her around and convenient until he finds ‘the one’.

2) Because she is everything. His whole world. And because he loves her so much.

3) Out of obligation.

Which reason would you prefer? Reason 2?

Well the only way you can ever have a man who provides you with these things is if you are truly being who you really are.

(Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Not who you think you assume you should be.

When you’re being who you really are, you won’t feel desperate for a diamond ring. You won’t need a nice house. You won’t need the strong set of arms – (not out of desperation). You’ll be the woman who gives the vulnerability that naturally attracts those loving arms and protection.

And the only way to have a man propose marriage to you, give you a diamond ring, or love you to the end of the earth and back, and look at you in that way every woman wants to be looked at, is if you are being yourself.

Related Post: How to Get him To Propose and Marry You Without Looking Low Value

Who are you?

Are you the tough exterior you really bullshit yourself to believe that you are?

Are you really the intellectual genius you wish you were more of?

Are you the sexy, gorgeous woman you try to be in facebook photos? (or are you already radiance but don’t give yourself permission to be UNLESS you look a certain way?)

Are you really the girl who can’t be happy for other women to have what they have?

Are you really the child who tells herself the stupid lie that one day, her parents will give her the approval and love you’ve been seeking your whole life?

Or are you just you; everything you ever needed – whenever you wish to be, at your own choice, spontaneously, without NEEDING someone else to give you something?

The only reason you want many of the above things (the ring, the house) is because you believe it’s going to GET you something that will THEN make you more worthy of love and attention. (See why you can’t be loved for who you are)

Very few women are really themselves.

If they were, my gosh!

They’d be staying home, dipping strawberries in chocolate, dancing with each other, raising babies together, laughing together, crying in each other’s laps. Making friends with the women they were once threatened by, or obsessed with.

Even more – they’d finally tell themselves the truth:

No one ever wanted you to be who you think you should be. They just say they do, because they’re not really being themselves.

Everyone secretly wants you to be who you really are.

(Click here to take the quiz “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”)

Then – you can relieve them of the need to stick around for a person you really are not. That is not very fun for people.

OR you can relieve them of the tension and terror they feel every time they are with you, because deep down, they just only want to be connected to you.

Who is that woman that you really are?

Well, here’s a question to help you find out:

Do you secretly hate what you do every day? Beneath your knee-jerk, secretly bitchy, scared and defensive responses, don’t you actually hate what you “do” or try to “DO” every day?

(What you do every day isn’t necessarily your day JOB, it’s the indulging in the ‘woe is me’ stories, it’s the stories you tell yourself about ‘other’ people and the bad stuff that they do, it’s the eating sugary snacks, it’s the comparing yourself to other women, it’s the excessive shopping for clothes, it’s the habits).

Even if you DON’T hate it, well, what would you rather be doing? In your heart? At your core?

If you can’t answer that….then that’s a good sign you’re very deeply stuck in the approval seeking toilet.

Because when we ask our true self, the real woman underneath, she always knows –

Do you know why you can’t answer that question? It’s because you’re actually searching for the next coolest or most prestigious thing you think the people around you would need you to do in order to approve of you more.

That’s never certain, it always changes. That’s why you can’t find the answer.

If you had your choice, would you rather be doing something other than working in your job?

It’s ok to say sitting on your butt. Because when you do get to do that, finally, when you’ve done it enough, your natural self will realise that the desire to do that sitting on your butt is only a result of having to BE someone other than you for so many years; and then you’ll rise up from sitting on your butt and start being more of you, naturally!

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

So, well, what would you be doing every day if you had the choice?

Would you be a deeper woman, spending your days with other women, friends, family members, maybe other mothers…simply sharing, and not chasing a career?

Would you lovingly embrace a man who wants to make sure not a single inch of you has to stress ever again? EVER? Instead of freaking out because you think you’re SAFER taking care of your self?

Or would you rather go along your own self created story about yourself, about what you OUGHT to be doing…whatever that is?

Just in case you were wondering…

A man who would climb mountains for you and build the eiffel tower for you is the man who is also being himself…inspired by YOU, the woman who is really being who she really is.

For as long as you’re just chasing the fake persona of yourself,you will be in relationships that feel empty, and pointless.

Do you want to know what naturally attracts a man? Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers.

P.S – Everything you ever wanted to be is already here, right now. The deepest, most devoted men are looking for You. They’re WAITING for women who are courageous enough to just BE.

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P.S. Connect with me on social media.

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Mary
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Mary

Being yourself is good for you, but doesn’t guarantee finding a loving relationship.

Salma
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Salma

I don’t really understand what is the problem of having a career if you’re satisfied with it, or even if you aren’t. What is wrong with getting up every single day for a purpose (that purpose being anything from working to going to school, to taking classes…) What does it have to do with being your true self? I have been taking a break from school for a month, and I simply can’t stand doing nothing all day anymore. I want to study and do more and grow more and succeed more. I have this thirst for success and I… Read more »

Jessica
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Jessica

Adele, I hate that you’re going through this nonsense. When it’s all said and done, you have to do what makes you happy. Fuck what everyone else wants you to do. You can’t be making others happy while you’re miserable. You’ll have a lot of resentment festering within you and eventually it will explode in the worst way. I had to learn this myself. I can’t make people happy if it’s going to make me miserable. Always take time out for yourself. You’ll feel a lot better.

Angel-Eyes
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Angel-Eyes

Oh waw…yes please! I would so much l♡ve a man who would build an Eithel Tower, I can’t even imagine what that would feel like. My heart doesn’t have reason yet to believe we could get that, but it’s the thing I want most. I haven’t done any work for about 5 weeks or so. I’ve just blissfully being doing other things with my time as if work never exsisted. I’m not even sure I want a career now, the idea doesn’t even sound that appealing and neither does studying stupidly for the next how many years #-/. I don’t… Read more »

Kathy
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Kathy

I LOVE this post! I have actually struggled with body image issues since I was 12 and basically, the essence of what I have to do to heal is be my true authentic self. It is SOOOOO scary because the one time in my life that I felt completely myself and open and so alive and happy in life, I was also cheated on :,( It has been really difficult to feel like opening up doesn’t have to mean being cheated on. When I was completely myself, I attracted a man who was a great fit for me in many… Read more »

Jennifer
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Jennifer

I’m confused. When I am myself, no one likes me because I don’t fit a lot of what this site points out as “feminine”. The only time I get any attention is when I put on the fake “damsel in distress” act that makes me want to vomit. I don’t see where I fit into all of this. Also, not all or even most women are catty and out to get each other. I wish we could stop throwing that stereotype around.

valor
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valor

how does a man attract women like the ones you describe? i’m not the tallest or richest guy, nor the largest arms. i put most of my energy into my personal training career, but what i’ve always wanted(and i’m sure most men feel the same way) is a quality woman to share my life with. the problem is the majority of women i meet only respond to people who either look like models or behave like animals. i feel like i have all the tools of masculinity but at the same time i don’t feel that many women actually appreciate… Read more »

Lenny
Guest

Thank you Renee you are truly wise and wonderful 🙂 I stumbled across your website and feel so happy now because I didn’t realize but the main problem was myself and not men and since I started understanding them the men I know now are so lovely now but actually they were before but I was full of bitterness. Since taking your advice men have become attracted to me. I have become myself again and opened up and feel so free. I have a problem though. Most of the men who are now attracted to me are not physically attractive… Read more »

Tash Olivers
Guest

There’s so much bullshit that most people put up around themselves that it’s almost impossible to tell who anybody really is any more. It’s probably also why the divorce rate is higher than it ever has been before… I really like your advice, too many sites pander to women and don’t put it bluntly: you probably can’t find the right guy because you’re doing everything wrong! If you don’t even know who you are, how can you expect to attract a good man? He won’t want you to just bend with his every opinion, you need some beliefs of your… Read more »

Abi Jaiy
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Abi Jaiy

EXACTLY!! I love it being said bluntly, too much people ttrying to please people trying to be someone they think everyone expects them to be PFFT!

Adele
Guest
Adele

Maybe that’s why my love life is so awful right now. I hate my career, hate my job. I’m in graduate school studying something i find boring and meaningless to me. I want to quit but i’m afraid. also my family is pressuring me to finish. the man i’m dating won’t commit to me after over a year. he also is pressuring me to finish the graduate program, basically expecting me to “man up”. I have been reading these articles for over a year and even took Renee’s courses. But sadly I believe I wasted this effort for someone who… Read more »

Michael Knight
Guest

Thank God for you website. I’m getting so tired of having to explain to women how the contrast between masculine & feminine is what creates chemistry. I keep hearing women say, “…there needs to be some chemistry…” and then they act like boys.

Kathy
Guest
Kathy

This is so interesting… I was watching the Bachelorette tonight and I realize I was really attracted to the men who were competing with each other for the girl. It’s like a form of masculinity or protection.

I am really interested what kinds of situations men find especially feminine or surrendered?

🙂

Amanda
Guest

“a man who Gives you everything” Yes that is a dream for me to find one of those, they are hard to find. Great information on this site.

Rgds,
Amanda

Evy
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Evy

hello Renee,
Congratulations on your piece, they are nice and i enjoy reading them.
Best regards
Evy (Ghana)

Mona
Guest
Mona

Something completely off-topic and not the most important thing in the world, nevertheless: would it be possible to move the “reply” button to the bottom of each post instead of the top, people are getting confused and reply to the post below rather to the one they intend to. X

jane
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jane

hi ,renee i really injoy reading your blog and i ve learned alot ,thank you so much.

Megan
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Megan

That was absolutely beautiful. As I read it old movie sence were flashing through my mind ( pride and predijust, little women). I want this out of life! I only wish I knew where to find it. I hope you have more articals to come that coaches women like me desperately seeking such peace and contentment. Your articals have inspired me beyond what you will ever know because your approach is so really, authentic! You’re the girlfriend that comes along side to encourage us; No silly games or harsh toungelashings as to how big we are missing up with men.… Read more »

Florence Henry
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Florence Henry

Hi Renee, Every time I read your post I”m inspired enormously for many year my attitude was very desperate to have a man and at the same time beating myself because no one even looked at me. Only the guys that are not worthy of my time. i’ve been reading your articles for over a year now which has really helped to boost my confidence and self-esteem. However, Although I am working really hard at being natural self attracting any guys these days is not happening for me. It is as though I do not exist what am I doing… Read more »

Catherine
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Catherine

Renee, this is amazing! I like to have deep, real connections with people 🙂 This post came at the perfect time! Ive been looking to my relationship to fill me up without realizing it…bt what is funny is that when you give up the mask and the protection, you feel so much less alone because you can connect to all thw wpnderful people who are there in the moment 🙂

Whitesnakewoman
Guest
Whitesnakewoman

hi hon i just wanted to say you shouldnt have to work at being yourself – your natural being should happen without effort, you should feel comfortable within what you do and how you feel – do what feels right and as you become happier with being the natural you, you will attract people to you. be content with you, count your blessings be happy with what you have rather than think that material things are at the root of happiness, and this shows in how you look to others. happiness is the greatest gift you can give yourself and… Read more »

Zelma García
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Zelma García

My gosh, Renee, this article was incredibly inspiring. Thank you!

Elizabeth
Guest
Elizabeth

Renee, This article is so spot on. As a young woman, I feel much of the relationship and attraction advice we receive each day through media, magazines, and even from our own family members, is great for “attracting” a man (usually with looks, “fake” charisma, etc.), but not connecting with him. Your work has touched my heart, and I have been reading and following it as well as I can since the first day I subscribed to your emails and your blogs. Though I was afraid I would change whom I truly am at first, I have been attracting more… Read more »

jay
Guest
jay

Hiya Renee, congrats by the way. im going to make this short with the hope that you MIGHT answer >< Ive been reading your articles for years…and well i have come to understand the mistakes i've been making my life by not being the true authentic 'Me'. I realised how i pushed the man i loved away. Now he're married to someone else. I sent him in an email the mistakes i've realised.Only by email since he's married. We no longer correspond. I know that logically i gotta move on. I have acknowledged that. Thing is, i feel so guilty… Read more »

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