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Article updated 2018

The Relationship Advice YOU Should Never Take

I’m going to assume that you have read articles or watched videos in the past on dating and relationships, and I’m also going to assume that at some point, reading any given piece of information: a blog post, an article or an eBook on dating, relationships and men, has made you feel powerless as a woman. (Click here to download your copy of “Goddess Report”)

You are not alone.

The great thing about the internet is that it allows us women to go and read information, and get some free advice on things that bother us. We can get at least some minimal help, or a new perspective on ourselves, our friends, relationships, the dating world, and men.

I have read a number of articles online, too, but there is one thing that makes me fume from the inside out, kind of like my guts are on fire and they’re about to burst through my skin.

It’s when dating and relationship ‘experts’ give you advice that is designed to get you to expect less.

Sometimes, even your friends will give you advice that is trying to get you to expect less.

How ‘experts’ can make you LESS!

See, there are a plethora of inconvenient truths about humans, and about men and women and dating and relationships. It’s painful, learning these truths. When I started working with people one-on-one, and learning and studying relationships and men (which is one of my greatest passions), these truths hit home, and it did hurt, sometimes.

And of course, there are always going to be truths that make you feel sad, or fearful, and defeated and angry, and even make you lose hope in men (even though you shouldn’t).

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the Plague)? Click here to find out right now…)

Inconvenient truths vs Inspiration

But there is a huge difference between focusing on an inconvenient truth as it stands by itself, and looking at it from a perspective that gives you more power as a woman, and allows you to actually do something about it.

Even if the truth makes you feel uncomfortable. Just like in another area of life: aging. We all have to deal with it, it might be nice to stay young forever. However, you can’t stop the aging process, but you can slow it. And you can certainly focus on and look for reasons and things that make your experience as an aging woman even better than living life as a younger woman.

How bad advice can hinder your ability to find and keep a great relationship

However, what some dating and relationship ‘experts’ say is actually going to hurt your ability to find a fulfilling relationship. (Click here to complete the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Why?

Because a lot of advice out there is designed to get you to expect LESS. Advice that encourages you to expect less is:

Advice that is designed to get you to calculate what you are getting from a man, versus what you are receiving.

Advice that gives a statement or shares an inconvenient truth, but doesn’t give you a way of doing something about it.

Advice that encourages you to lose your courage.

Advice that encourages you to not have an faith.

(read my article about how to make a guy want you)

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

Examples of advice that gets you to expect LESS

So, are you wondering what this kind of advice looks like?

I’ll tell you what advice that is designed to get you to expect less is. It’s statements or advice that look something like this. Here are 3 examples:

1) Men will take whatever they can get from you, if you’re willing to give it away freely (sometimes true, sometimes not true).

2) Women have ‘unrealistic’ expectations of love, relationships and men.

Ah, ok. Thanks for that…

This is like you grabbing your purse, and putting $3.50 in it, and going out and looking to make a cool new purchase, and then coming home empty-handed, and bitching about how there’s nothing good out there.

Really, this is only true if you are a low quality woman, and there are plenty of women who are low value out there, just as there are many men who are low value. Good men and good women are hard to find, but easy to find if you are high value.

To briefly prove my point, allow me to quote the charming Ryan Gosling (yes, a real-life quote):

“I mean, God bless The Notebook. it introduced me to one of the great loves of my life. But people do Rachel [McAdams] and me a disservice by assuming we were anything like the people in that movie. Rachel and my love story is a hell of a lot more romantic than that.”

Coming from a guy.

In my real-life experience, I have learned that romance and outlandish expectations of love and men are not ‘unrealistic’. It’s just that when the going gets rough, people want out, or they give up. And the moment they give up, they lose their faith, and when they lose their faith, and give up, of  COURSE the fairy tale is lost!

The fairy tale doesn’t just come to you. And when you don’t have faith, even if it showed up, you wouldn’t be able to identify it, let alone live it, or keep it.

To get the beautiful and inspiring story of lasting love and passion, you must be a great enough woman to weather the bad patches, and to love your man through and through, flaws and all. This is easier said than done for most women.

3) When a woman gives her body to a man, then exactly what more is there that she can give?

Example of such advice here. As a woman who has only had serious, long-term relationships lasting at least 3.5 years, I have never given my body to a man who I was not in a serious, committed relationship with, and I believe women ALWAYS must treat their bodies with respect.

But, this statement is out of whack.

If you buy in to the idea, that as a woman, you can’t give anything more to a man after you’ve given him your body, then I have to ask you: do you really have such little respect for yourself?

And, by the way, if you buy in to it, you’ve just been conned in to expecting less, because what you’re really saying is this: “alright, relationships are a game of power and I am so small, and so insecure that I must calculate what I’m giving versus what I am receiving”. This is gutless.

Easy. But takes no courage.

Don’t be ‘most’ Women

See, advice that is designed to get you to expect less is suitable advice for MOST women. It’s suitable for the average woman. You are not most women. Leave the low quality men for other women.

You deserve better.

(read my article about what kind of man is right for you)

Dating advice vs Relationship advice

Now, dating is different from being in a relationship. But the principal still stands: if you date with the idea that you have to calculate everything, and if you date with the idea that men will always take more than their fair share, then you may just miss the one man out of 100 that doesn’t.

All because you didn’t believe. Or have faith.

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

Ego and advice

I must also warn you that many dating and relationship advice experts out there let their own egos get in the way of their advice. No hard feelings towards the ‘experts’ who let this happen, I have also made this mistake before, since I am human and I do have a big ego, but a lot of people aren’t even aware of how their ego is affecting their ability to help you.

You should be aware of this.

‘Expecting’

Now – I want to make this clear. I don’t believe in ‘expecting’ things from people. Sometimes, we all do it subconsciously, but I simply don’t believe in coming from a place of ‘expecting’ or ‘entitlement’. Not simply so that we won’t be disappointed, but because I believe we must start by giving and contributing rather than jumping in to get something, which is the place that most people operate from, subconsciously or not.

And I don’t mean ‘giving’ as most people would have it. Giving comes in a multitude of different forms. Giving also depends on the context.

You never get anything just by expecting something.

The above examples reflect exactly a lot of the beliefs women have these days. We want more in life, but outside sources will often influence us to expect less. That’s the job of society. That’s mediocrity.

The expectation of disappointment

I believe that many people mean well (or at least they think they mean well) when they encourage you to not get your hopes up in any situation, but the point is that THEY are also influenced by the expectation of disappointment.

And do you want to know the WORST thing about being influenced by the expectation of disappointment? The thing that will stop you from having the relationship of your dreams?

You aren’t living up to the best version of yourself, and because of that, you won’t attract a great man into your life.

How can we be at our best if we expect disappointment to be around every corner?

The expectation of disappointment isn’t even the question. The question is what power do YOU really have?

And what are you willing to do, to value, to give up, to learn and to question, in order to get what you need?

Any advice designed to get you to expect less will pull you backwards. I don’t care if you are called a dreamer, an idiot, a loser – a weird psycho – don’t ever believe in advice that is designed to get you to expect less, because ultimately, that doesn’t inspire you, and you will never take action or set high standards for yourself in this state.

You will never become the best you. And it’s ONLY the best you, who will attract the BEST man. And only the best you will deserve the best man.

However, if you’re inspired, you’re much, much more likely to attract and/or achieve what you want from yourself, from life and from a relationship with a man.

I choose to believe, and have faith. And I hope you do, too.

If you have some time now, click here to check out more about our different programs. 

-XxX-

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

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P.S. Connect with me on social media!

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mcharm
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mcharm

Hi Renee,
You might not realize it but you are creating a new set of strong women who not only are more sure of themselves, but value themselves more and are more free and willing to be themselves. What you have done for me is open my eyes to begging to be back with my ex, to realizing he is not worth me and any man who comes along has to be worth the love I have inside. Thanks so very much I am enjoying learning who I truly am inside.

Beryl
Guest
Beryl

It pains and saddens me to read all the comments that are so hurtful to females. Why do we as females keep doing this to our gender members? What is going on with us to make us desire to be male pleasers when allwe should be doing is just being normal everyday respectful individuals? Why are some of us so defending of males and why do we see from their points of view, But are somewhat rude to the females who speak from the female point of view? Please don’t you all keep discussing what a male feels. This should… Read more »

pick up artist
Guest

Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment but after
I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
Anyways, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

Sandra81
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Sandra81

Great point! That is the fear of disappointment talking, and it usually comes after we’ve been “burnt”. On the other hand, I believe we should not expect more than we are able to give. For example, now I am in a long distance friendship-or-maybe-more (note: I DON’T mean friends with benefits 😛 ) with a guy. He is technically just a friend, but sometimes there is some sort of “magic” when we are together. Even some of our friends make all sorts of comments and ask questions. I like him…a lot. Sometimes I feel it’s mutual, sometimes I don’t know… Read more »

Audy
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Audy

hey Reenee i really love your articles,keep up the good work

mary89
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mary89

Oh ….I agree with you:
there are always going to be truths that make you feel sad, or fearful, and defeated and angry, and even make you lose hope in men
I’m glad to meet someone who shares my feelings. Wish this article included some examples…. anyway thanks.
By the way, I still get sad & defeated by reading lots of articles & I don’t know how traet it.

Anna
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Anna

Hi Renee. I tried to sign up for your site and I received an email but it had no confirmation link in it. It just had a link to your 17 attraction triggers product. Please send me an email with the link to confirm. Thanks!

Katherine
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Katherine

Renee, what do you think of the manosphere advice/rants from sites like dalrock, athol kay or the badger hut? I fell across them while researching rediscovering/reclaiming femininity and am frankly intrigued by their frank opinions. Have you read any manosphere material and has any of it been useful to you in developing your femininity? I guess one thing that really struck me is how many of these men seem disappointed with the things females offer, are happy to take sex from them as long as its free, but seem to long for days past where women had honor. Or how… Read more »

juliette
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juliette

This website is not the first I’ve herd saying women are becomming more masculine and men more feminine. But the question is why is the blame being put on the woman? Why is it up to the woman to change and not the man?

Men are becoming feminine as well as women are becoming masculine so where are the articles and blogs for these female-like males running about?

The blame is always put on the woman, the work is always put on the woman and the credit is always given to the man.

Molly
Guest
Molly

If Renee were a man, this would probably be a blog for men and how they could be better men. But she’s a woman, and so this advice is for us. And I admit, most men are not worth all the effort. It’s not worth changing for them. But what if you decided to change for yourself? I just recently found this blog and if I had come across it one month earlier I would have had the exact same reaction that you did. I considered myself a feminist and believed I didn’t need a man (and that good ones… Read more »

Alma
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Alma

Wow, well said. 🙂

juliette
Guest
juliette

I’ve read most all your material and I do love your website but I must ask… From the primping and the grooming, the sweetness and the sexiness, the putting your feelings aside to get him to open up to you, the react to his mistakes and hurtful words lightly and the list goes on and on and on about how a woman should act to get, please and keep a man…. but what is the man to do for the woman? she’s busy trying to make herself as close to perfect as possible for him and the little tiny things… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

Hello Juliette 🙂 Thanks for your comment. I know, a lot of men do suck, really bad. It seems that they want, but they’re not willing to give. They want sex, but they’re not willing to romance you. They want your understanding, but they’re not willing to listen to you. The list goes on… I understand the viewpoint you have: women are expected to do enough ALREADY. Be the perfect wife, be the perfect mother, have a job and bring in some dough too, take care of her looks and not only LOOK good, but actually BE happy, right? And… Read more »

mona
Guest

Hi Renee, I just wanted to say tank you for your articles, as they have helped me gain a different perspective on men and relationships. I myself have lost some faith in trying to find someone who really values what i do as a person, but that doesnt mena i will give up.
Again, thank you and keep up the good work!

Sally
Guest
Sally

Dear Renee,
They say ,,, ‘Reach for the moon, even if you fail ,, you will land among the stars ”
I believe exactly what you’re trying to say .

sam
Guest
sam

dear Renee
Hello again and thank you very much for your attention and care on the issue. Your opinions about giving and taking advice were compeletly right.In fact most women are sick because of their expectation or better to say have problems because of that consciously or subconsciously including me, but as you said i don’t want to be the most(:ol It’s so hard.Every thing tou noticed was wonderful. But I’s not only Women Who expect men, they have their own expectations! I’ll email you some of mine and ask your comment.
love
xxxx
Sam

Sorena
Guest
Sorena

Dear Renee, Your article here made me think of a play I saw a while back called “Into the Woods”. Have you or anyone seen this? It was really big on Broadway. After I saw it myself, I went away really hating it, even though the reviews were fantastic, and after reading your article today, now I know more clearly why. “Into the Woods” is a play that brings several of Grimms most famous fairy tales (Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, etc) where a virtuous young lady is rescued by a handsome prince and lives happily ever after…..) and makes… Read more »

Renee
Guest
Renee

Hey Sorena! I have heard of into the woods, but I have not seen it. This is a perfect example though. I know mothers don’t want their daughters to get hurt, and want them to see ‘reality’. The reality isn’t that prince’s cheat and are weak and selfish – the reality is that humans aren’t designed to be in long-term relationships, which means that we must be willing to have courage, and put ourselves on the line to create what we want, after the initial crazy in love phase wears off (if it even wears off, I have heard form… Read more »

Sorena
Guest
Sorena

You know, maybe mothers at the play were motivated by protective instincts as you said. OK. I see too often that women who have failed relationships/marraiges, tend to blame , and get a “misery loves company” attitude. The divorce groupies in the workplace are proverbial for this. If you share any of your guy frustrations with them, they are right there to say”get out of that relationship” “You shouldn’t put up with that” ” You are co-dependant” “My guy was just like that and I am so glad I got out” and other male bashing stuff. No one seems to… Read more »

Asma
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Asma

Sorena, this hit a nerve with me. I have been experiencing this kind of reaction with some of my girlfriends too. One where I can’t get two words out before she has drawn and entire conclusion of the whole picture and in two seconds turns my life and relationship into a lifetime T.V. movie. It’s like…huh? When did I say this…how did you get that? I start hearing this narrative and with just two three words said that are unfinished she knows exactly how the man is. how he thinks, and what his intentions are and how he conducts himself… Read more »

Cariesa
Guest
Cariesa

I love all of your articles, finally someone out here that see things from my perspective, I sometmes go to low value women for advice and its so harsh and low , I look at them with no respect for themselves , in terms of dealing with men. Thank you for blessing me and other woman with your articles, now I have a Good Woman to go to for advice, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Renee
Guest
Renee

Cariesa, you’re welcome 🙂 Thank You for reaching out and thanks even more for believing and having faith, especially in yourself. xo

Helen
Guest
Helen

Dear Renee and everyone, I am forever indebted to all of your articles, the comments, and advice here on the site. I don’t think I’ve ever read, or heard so many decent, sound and inspiring perpectives before, at least, not all in one place! They are the perspectives I have always believed in, and try so hard not to let go of despite so much advice and opinion to the contrary; so it’s wonderful to find this community of people who share them. With regards to the above article about bad advice, I have experienced the good intentions of friends… Read more »

Renee
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Renee

Hello lovely Helen 🙂 I am so glad you like the articles, and I love that you share my vision, and the vision or views of many other women who regularly visit this site.

To quote you: “I don’t fear the possibility of heart-ache, because I believe in my value as a woman.” – you made me smile 🙂 and you are the kind of woman this world needs more of. Thank You!

Denise
Guest
Denise

Dear Renee: Another great article. Thank you! A summary of what you are saying reflects in this quote I recently read: ” Play to win, don’t play to not loose” and WOW there is such a big difference! It is the exact thing you are saying, how many times we “settle” for something because we inwardly believe we can not do better. The only truth behind that is that we convince ourselves we are not worthy of “better” or of finding what we really want/need. We are so influenced by??? publicity, the “people” ??? “others”??? we don’t even bother to… Read more »

Renee
Guest
Renee

Thank you Denise. Exactly, you play to win – often, people don’t even want to enter the game – any game, or a relationship, because they are afraid of failing or experiencing pain. I think we can all relate to this feeling.

I think advice is great, but not advice that strips you of your power.

Liz
Guest
Liz

I’ve read the gurus for men and women. I cannot believe the garbage that passes for saged advice. While some of it has merit and certainly the part about your own self esteem building that’s worthwhile, as is indicated here, much is without sense. Each individual is different as is each relationship. My standards are what’s right for ME but that may not be what’s right for everyone. You will not do well in any area, career or relationship until you access what/where you are now and WHO/where you want to be in the future and if what you do… Read more »

Asmaa
Guest
Asmaa

This is the best article I ever read about believing and faith.
Thank you Renee

Asma
Guest
Asma

Renee, you really pin pointed here in this article as to why I was feeling so confused with some relationship advice/experts these past two years! With some advice I get great results and others I get nill or negative. It boils down to what you say! What we expect, our thoughts about things and what we ask for is the key! I could not make that connection before! It reminds me of what Tony Robbins said once….that life gives you whatever price you ask of it, or something like that…it seems like Renee this is what you are saying in… Read more »

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