How to Solve A Relationship Problem

Article updated 2018

How to Solve a Relationship Problem

There’s a lot of relationship advice on this blog, and there are a number of forums, blogs and websites out there that aim to give you answers about your most pressing relationship questions, life questions and aim to solve your relationship problems.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

When a woman is stuck, doesn’t know what to do (none of us are really taught how to relate to others), if she has no quality advice or guidance from the people in her life, the internet is often a logical and quick solution. But here’s the truth: no knowledge or information out there is going to be the actual catalyst to better your situation. You are. It’s all fine to say you ‘know’ something – but knowing it intellectually is absolutely useless. Knowing it is doing it. Resources are fantastic – we all want them – but different people use them differently – or not at all.

In the dating and relationships arena, where everyone has an opinion, where there are a number of discussions going on,  and advice offered – you absolutely must know the following absolute truth:

There are very few absolute truths in relationships. There are very few absolute truths in life.

Whatever advice you read, always question it. Apart from my advice, of course (Just kidding). And by question I don’t mean treat it with suspicion (although this has its place sometimes, too) – I mean, always build your own mental puzzles. Always reflect. For example, if a source says you should never sleep with a man before the third date or on the first date (many sources do), and that this is a huge mistake – but you’ve done it, and things aren’t going so well in your new relationship at the moment, it’s easy to attribute it to the fact that you slept with him too early. It’s easy to just start going nuts and to drown yourself in regret, but the truth is – it’s very possible that that is not actually the reason things aren’t working out so well. (read my article about relationship advice you should never take)

Don’t let external sources derail your focus. No-one knows your relationship as well as you do. No one knows you situation as well as you do. Build your own mental puzzles and come to your own solutions with the help of books, courses, other people, life experience and whatever else you want.

By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only.

Another example: Say a source says that you shouldn’t ask a man where your relationship is going – and you have; what do you do then? Drown yourself in regret and worry? No no no…..no. Even if it feels like that in itself caused problems. Even if this advice is sound. Even if it might be true; doesn’t mean it’s true in your situation, and doesn’t mean you have to fall on your knees and think there’s no hope for you.

Moreover, even if everyone is telling you shouldn’t have done this or shouldn’t have done that – doesn’t mean it has to be true for you.

It’s like women saying all men cheat. Well, what about John Wooden? Who stayed with his one woman Nellie for 59 years, and vowed to keep his devotion to her – (even after her death),  and wrote a love letter to her each month on the anniversary of her death, and placed it under her pillow?

Well, that throws that statement out the door, doesn’t it?!

Again, there are very few absolute truths in life.

So…..exactly what do you do when you encounter a relationship problem?

Here is what you need to do: Ask better questions. The answers are not in the answers, they’re in the questions.

Example? Sure. When your man is not being attentive, and doesn’t seem to give you the attention you’re wanting, instead of asking why the hell he is not in tune with you and doesn’t care about you; instead of asking what’s wrong because you’re so pretty and nice and why would he treat you like this, and instead of throwing in the towel or acting pitiful (Hey, we’ve all done it) – ask yourself: What would be a better way to get his attention in a way that serves both myself and him? Better still, seek some understanding of what life is like in his shoes.

(Click here to read more about our Understanding Men program)

When things go wrong, when you feel like you’ve made a mistake, and especially when and if you start mulling over every action you’ve taken with a man, and wondering where you went wrong – just stop. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Keep asking better questions. (read my article about what if he is heavily in to video games)

What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…

Apart from that, keep your faith and hope. Relationships can be so taxing, confusing, complicated, painful and tiring. Yet, hope is everywhere, if you will just see it. And finally, read this blog – because readers of this blog are hot 😉

If you have time, click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass for FREE!

On that note, I wanted to ask you these questions:

Can you think of any absolute truths?

What do you consider to be an absolute truths when dealing with men or in life?

Something that you cannot argue with?

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Caaron
Caaron

I can’t even begin to tell how awful I am when it comes to men. Everything that a person could think of that would make men feel bad, scared, misunderstood and have them running for the hills I have done or said. I am not so sure there is enough advice in this world that show me what to do. I mean I would have to have someone standing right next to 24/7 coaching me. It just doesn’t matter, how inspired I feel, or how much I want to change, I always seem to mess things up by reverting back… Read more »

Rose
Rose
Reply to  Caaron

I feel the same way. I am coming to terms that I’m missing something or my examples I had growing up did not show me what it means to be in a relationship. I think taking time daily for meditation and journaling helps because it is always at the forefront. I noticed I needed to start living in the moment and living a much more mindful life.

camilla
camilla

what do you do when you have a fight with your man and it’s your fault because you were nagging and he leaves because he is fed up?

Anna
Anna
Reply to  camilla

Hi Camilla. I think I have experience with this… the first things I would do is give him space. He’s probably overwhelmed by emotions right now, and he’s scared that the next confrontation with you will lead to more nagging, and more feeling blamed. Next, I would try to see it from his point of view: How would you feel if you were being nagged or lectured by another person? Would you feel like you couldn’t do anything right? Would you feel like you weren’t good enough? And if he yelled at you also, would you feel unloved and hurt?… Read more »

Donaldo P
Donaldo P
Reply to  camilla

Hi Camilla,

I would talk to him immediately. Have him come over so it can be face to face or meet at a neutral site….Don

Joan
Joan
Reply to  camilla

You have to fess up. I’m not trying to make you feel badly here, but you knew you were nagging, and you need to be honest about it. And then make a commitment to stop. I believe he walked out cause he was trying to reclaim his masculinity and freedom. I know this post is old. But I know a few things about nagging. I grew up on the cusp of feminism and I know how those women were. Nagging all of it. I can still close my eyes to this day and still hear my mother nagging my father… Read more »

Kathy Joyce

An absolute truth when dealing with men is to be honest with each other and communicate. This is essential in any relationship as if you fail to do so you are putting your relationship at risk. Misunderstandings and drifting apart often result from a lack of honesty and communication.

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  Kathy Joyce

Actually, I believe that communication is over rated. Most communication goes misunderstood anyway, even if you try to communicate, because men & women, heck PEOPLE, think differently. Just because you say “I will wear a red shirt to the game,” it could mean to one person “She will wear her red Benfica jersey because Benfica is playing,” even though you didn’t know the team’s color and were just going to wear your favorite red shirt, or another person could think “Oh, she’s going to wear her skimpy red tank top again, gosh I hate that top, now I am angry”… Read more »

Leticia
Leticia

So my boyfriend has this 30 “good friend” he met during our break up. At first she seemed harmless but the the fact she asks him to ask me about taking her 10 yr old son to school where he picks him up 45 mins away and back from Mon-Fri put me in an uncomfortable position. I said yes to help her son out with her situation to not be taken to court since she was supposed to let her ex (child’s father) know 6 months in advance she is moving with her son. Her ex feels my bf is… Read more »

Lorraine M

I just want to start off by saying that I trully believe that God has allowed me to stumble upon your blog, and I’ve learned so much already – so thank you ever so much! Anyway, about two years ago I was accepted into the University of Johannesburg (in South Africa), where I met my first serious boyfriend. He is from Gabon (French-speaking) and I am originally from Zimbabwe (English and Shona – speaking). When we first met I was so naive and far more immature and in-experienced about romantic relationships. He on the other hand was a little more… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C
Reply to  Lorraine M

Hello, Lorraine M. My take is that you are seeking compensation for what you feel is unfair treatment from him. And as humans, we all need closure, we need to understand WHY this happened. Why did he treat you so poorly? Was it because you were low value? No… No it wasn’t. Sometimes the only closure we can get is no answer. And that will have to be your closure. I have been in your shoes. I had ended a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and for 2 years afterward I was angry. Now, that is no way to live,… Read more »

ken

Very good article. Thanks!

Betty
Betty

Hello,

I don’t know if I’m just a lost puppy but everything you say just seems so right to me. But I do believe that being open-minded is a absolutely truth to every relationship, even just friendship. I know it is so easy to blame on the other person for the problems but we really need to see ourselves in their shoes (which is like what thefinminewoman said).

D
D

Hey First, I want to thank Renee for her helpful and insigthful posts. Thank you! I guess I’d really appreciate some insight on how to tell what a man needs from you emotionally. For example, if a man is going through a hard or stressful time, how can you tell whether he needs you around to comfort him, or whether he needs to be alone? That is, when you ask him and get a noncommittal response? (Along the lines of, “if you want to be around that’s fine, but if you’re busy, that’s fine”?) As it stands, I’m just taking… Read more »

jay
jay
Reply to  D

Hiya, just 2answer your Q, that approach doesnt work with men because ‘men arent women’ so u gotta approach’em differently. just b there 4him u dont gotta talk about it with him because th truth is men like to be ‘solvers’ not have things solved for them, once he gets it together im sure he will be alot more open 2u, 4now an idea wld b 2simply let him know that your there for him and just be around, he will appreciate it eventually.

Melinda
Melinda

Give him time to think about what he wants?!? Has he taken into consideration what you want or what is best for the child? From the limited information you’ve posted about the situation, he sounds very self-centered. People like that take more from relationships than they put into them. I do not believe that catering to a selfish person’s desires is good for anyone. Basically, what I’m saying is that I think your decision here should be about what is best for you and the baby, and should not be hinged on what he wants for himself. I think a… Read more »

Justine
Justine

Hey Gal’s I need some advise on what have need to do, ok have being in a 2 year realtionship and have a 4 month old baby, I have being having problems for a somtime first i realise that he not showing interest like he should more time spent with his friend and then recently found out he being going out with this girl, he now know that i have found out i want to move out but he say that i must give him time to think obout what he want”What do i do must i stay and for… Read more »

jay
jay
Reply to  Justine

‘give’ what u want 2 ‘recieve’ and if he is a real man who reciprocates your feelings u should see a change. a person who just wants 2take actually doesnt ‘recieve’ anything. so if he really isnt being faithful 2u ect…move out 2show him u arent someone he gets 2walk over just cus u have his baby. If he shows change, try 2work it out. u really should subscribe 2feminine woman if u havent already, it would teach u so much!

Lea
Lea

Okay, I am not so smart as everyone here seems to be because I ask, what kind of different questions. I am clueless when it comes to this.

Amara
Amara

One absolute truth that I am absolutely certain about is that my pit bull loves me!!

David
Admin

Absolute truth…You have to give to yourself before you can truly give to others…

Lisa
Lisa
Reply to  David

…the ONLY absolute truth I have found during the last year of working on my marriage is…excepting the things I cannot change and changing the things I can…which The ONLY thing we can change is ourselves! Thanks so very much for your help over the last year Renae and David! Much love and blessings to u both!!!

Renee
Renee
Reply to  Lisa

You are so lovely Lisa! Thank You for reaching out to us 🙂
Blessings to you!
xoxo

oli
oli

An absolute truth is that humans that is both women and men need companionship and love. There are different forms and expressions of these and different ways people seek to find these.

I feel that the need for companionship and love is absolute truth.
In fact that need whether expressed openly or repressed has been both the source of great joy to man and the source of his greatest misery throughout history.

Sue
Sue

An absolute truth: we are 100% responsible for how we choose to respond to what happens to us.

And one more: all of the relationships we have with others are by choice not obligation or requirement. When we forget that – we hurt the relationship.

Karen

This may sound old-fashioned, but, charity DOES begin at home. If you do your very best for your personal relationship and for your loved ones, then the world would be a better place.

zigma pluto
zigma pluto

Great article Renee…reading all the above comments made me feel like there are many women out there in my shoes…I am not the only one beating myself up all the time and actually not doing anything positive about my situation….it happens when a person is too much in her head, she rationalizes, understands intellectually but not from her heart. One solution to this could be to open up our hearts more…cry more, feel more, and maybe later on love more, laugh more, since pain and joy enters through the same door in our hearts. Blocking one blocks the other. so… Read more »

Lisa
Lisa

That was the best advice I have ever received. It is so easy for us to overanalyze the past and get confused by what others say…and I have learned that most of the time, things are never as they seem. And other people’s opinions, while worth listening to, are not necessarily applicable in every situation. We all get into habits of reacting to situations based on our past hurts and experiences. Learning to let go of the past, tryinging to stop manipulating the outcome, just keeping the faith, believing in ourselves and learning to appreciate all the good in everything… Read more »

Renee
Renee
Reply to  Lisa

Thank You dear Lisa – your words have touched me and it’s my pleasure to contribute positively. 😉

Manda
Manda

Fantastic article! I get so overwhelmed sometimes by reading all the relationship advice out there, and often times one source will completely contradict another, which makes it even more confusing! I’ve found that following my gut instinct is always reliable.

<3

JP
JP

Yeah, you hear or read advice of what you shouldn’t do and then think CRAP! I’ve already done that! I’ve already messed up! But if the source is a good one, it should give advice as to where to go from there. Also, generalizing people or men into a one size fits all type of thinking is just stupid. One of the last guys I dated was very different than any of the others. What might work with most guys, didn’t with him. I think your advice of asking better questions is good advice in any situation…romantic or otherwise. I… Read more »

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