Until a woman is 25 or 35, radiance is mostly given to her on a platter — young skin, healthy hair, flexible body, white teeth and a fresh face. That’s the physical stuff youth naturally endows us with. Very quickly though, we begin to lose this effortless bounty, and the world begins to seem as if it is populated by millions of glowing 18-year-olds.

Click here to take the quiz on “How Feminine Am I Actually?”

If you’re anything like me, you’ve felt panic somewhere along the line about losing your youth. It’s actually a good thing, a heads-up, a harbinger of things to come — and it forces us to focus more on growth, or on renewing our efforts to stay in youth. This first panic hits us all at different times. And it hits some harder than others, depending on our values, and what we were taught, and how we were encouraged as children.

We get older still… 30, 40, 50, 60-plus… and eventually there comes a turning point where we either desperately try to “keep” young — which potentially makes us look like idiots — or we choose to relax into our lines and our scars and our cellulite.

This is when, through no choice of our own, we may start to consider an ageless question: What is endless, mesmerizing, mind-boggling beauty? What gives us deep radiance, beyond the surface? This is what matters to the men who are actually worthy of our time.

And what can we do to achieve this holy grail that so few women ever achieve (through no fault of their own, since society doesn’t even acknowledge that this kind of beauty is possible)?

You can’t be radiant to every man. Some men are horrible, and can’t stand the thought of any woman over 20-something. Who — what human — can live up to that? And these men have issues. You don’t want them. But how can you unlock your own depth of radiance for the one(s) who are worthy?

For reasons unbeknownst to me (since before I met my husband, I feared nobody could ever love me or want to take care of me), in my husband’s eyes, I am the most beautiful woman, and in my heart, I know this will last for as long as life allows us to be together. He will be here, thinking the same way of me 50 years from now, if we live that long. (Having kids makes me think I might die early of a heart attack. But that’s OK; it’s all worth it.)

And I tell you this about my husband because I want you to know that I write knowing that kind of stability, attraction and love from the right man feel like. I really do know that this exists.

If you know my work, and if you read my book — which will be out in the next year or so — then you will know that radiance is the key to acquiring men. (I’m kidding; radiance is the key to attracting good men, not acquiring them!) It’s a feeling, once you get there, of infinite hope and power with men that very few women experience consistently. It’s a feeling that you’ll always have the ability to mesmerise the right one(s), and gift them with your deep radiance for as long as you both shall live. Would you like that?

Maybe you’ve experienced it at random intervals in your life… a little glimmer of hope. Or if you’ve allowed yourself to live as the goddess you really are, maybe you already experience this inexhaustible power on a daily basis. Look, let’s get one thing out there: Being a woman is a great advantage. Being a man is a great advantage too.

However… being a woman naturally makes you an energetic, beautiful, incredible specimen to men — in ways that they themselves cannot be — which is the very reason they want you.

Masculine men generally don’t want to devote themselves to an energetically neutral or boring person (I’m generalizing because there are men who feel they want a safe woman who has a lot of commonalities with them, and who are therefore unthreatening). Again in general, masculine men look for radiant women who enliven them, and make their lives come alive and seem… well, worth living!

Sorry if you think no human being alone should ever make life seem worth living. I believe that there are many moments in life when being close to another person fuels one’s inspiration to do more and be more!

And we as women, with our genuine radiance, can give men this feeling, that “it’s so great to be in communion with this woman! I feel alive, and this connection is so valuable that I somehow don’t find the freedom of being single as crucial as I used to…” which could mean the difference between his committing to us, and falling in love with us, or… we could do a “meh” — and expect commitment to come to us just because we have a pussy.

The very best men in the world will worship the radiance that comes from your heart — not just the physical radiance we talked about earlier, the stuff of youth. But the most important thing to remember is that the power and permanence of this radiance come from wanting to live in it for yourself. When you do it for love and approval from others — or to get something from men before your own basic needs are met — you risk crushing your hopes and even damaging your health.

Nobody comes out of those situations feeling powerful and confident, much less like an infinite human. So I repeat: Meet your own needs first. Give yourself that gift of radiance (which I’m getting to here), and then you can give out of a genuine enjoyment of giving and being alive. Yes, it takes maturity and a willingness to do things differently than your body feels is comfortable and safe. But you must do it for yourself to gain the great prize of walking through life with incredible, not necessarily arrogant, confidence in your natural womanly radiance and beauty.

Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status Am I on Facebook?”

I don’t care how much money you have… how many holidays you have… how much sex you have… or how many men try to pick you up. Those are all superficial distractions to avoid the deeper suffering that every human being, rich or poor, experiences. Who you are, and whether you own your one-of-a-kind individual radiance, surpasses any material wealth or facade you can make for yourself. And nothing in the world compares with the infinite feeling of confidence in yourself as a freely flowing, powerfully strong, and non-boring woman. (And by non-boring, for the purposes of this article, I mean: not avoiding sensitizing yourself, not avoiding your natural bodily pleasure, not avoiding sharing your gifts and opinions, and not avoiding the naturally dark and politically incorrect areas of life.)

How to develop and bring out your sparkling, glittering radiance

Sit down in a peaceful place. Nature, whatever nature you like, is great for this — a grass patch, out in the back yard with the chickens, near the edge of a cliff, or under a beautifully fragrant tree. As a feminine human being, much of your naturally sexy and inspiring radiance resides in your pelvic area and in your thighs or legs. Most of your food energy goes to making your reproductive organs do what they need to do to continue the cycle of life, so there’s a lot of energy there!

Feel the energy travel gently from your tight areas (usually in the “traps” — the neck, the shoulders, the head), right down to the base of your feet. As you breathe and bring the energy down, maybe stand up and allow your hips to sway like the breeze, until you find a little bit of movement that feels good to you. And as you’re allowing your body to move in the way it wants (still allowing the tension and kinks to dissolve from your upper body and neck, etc.), feel where your deepest love is:

Do you feel it most in your heart? Or maybe in your pelvis? Where can love be felt? Where does love come from?

Doesn’t matter where you think it should come from. It matters where you feel it comes from in you… you and only you. Nobody else will ever be able to be you. It’s a miracle that you are here at all. So wherever is right for you, wherever you can locate love energy, is the right place. Now feel how this softens your whole body.

An easy way to do this is to feel yourself in an argument with a person you love. You are insulting each other, causing each other stress. Suddenly, you decide to look deeply into their eyes… and as much as you hate them in that moment… you have a choice to soften and let your energy go to a place inside of you that can love them, or to trust and stay in the energy of the hateful argument.

Feel the physical state of your body if you choose to continue with the stressful entertainment of the argument. You have to relax nothing, and breathe no more deeply to stay there. It’s pretty gutless. (Don’t worry, I’m not saying that to judge, I’m saying that because I know how gutless it is from doing it in the past myself.)

If instead, you were to move toward this person and softly put your hand on their hand, and maintain touch and eye contact with warmth, my question is: Which part of your body would you need to relax for this physical action to be possible and genuine?

To insult someone with hate energy, you need to be under stress. (You can also insult someone without their feeling it as an insult; it’s all about your body and whether it is communicating softness, love and openness, or hate, closure, fear, unwillingness and resentment.)

To love someone, you need to be in the process of slowing your heart rate, and you need to breathe deeply into your belly. This is incredibly freeing, and the best gift you can give yourself. I won’t even get into how great it is for the other person, who may not have had anyone love or try to connect with them like that often — or at all.

Then, if you could touch this person in any way, and show your love for them with your eyes, your energy, your disposition and openness to connection — where would you feel that source of love inside yourself?

For this person to feel your love and desire to connect with them, for who they are, all of their imperfections included — you need to access your own openness to the place inside yourself where you can love from. You actually have to be willing to melt your own identity, through the courage of breath and the courage of feeling what comes up.

I want to ask: Do the insults and the loving gestures feel like they come from the same place in your body?

Feel how emotional it can be to even “go there,” to this place where you can access and show love. Because it’s real and wild — the kind of goddess that you are or would have been before you had to do the daily grind, or do things you don’t want to do.

You came here for more intuitive, powerful reasons:

  • You came here to love one man deeply — and to grow in your capacity to love him deeply.
  • You also came here, perhaps, to protect children who are yours, or who are close to you.
  • You came here to praise girlfriends, no matter how painful it can feel to point out another woman’s radiance, like you might lose something.
  • You also came here to smile at the right men, and enliven them with your energy.
  • You came here for sacred sex with a trustable man.
  • You came here maybe to love animals and nurture them.

I’m just wondering, do you feel the power in these purposes? Even if your “other reality” is going to work every day, or dating abusive men, or dating men who don’t really feel it for you, you came here to do more than sit in a shit pile just because there may not be hope for anything better.

Well, there is. And when you relax into this radiance, you might just find that you have the power to say “No” to the men who aren’t genuine with you. You might just have the power and confidence to say “No” to the men who are (often not intentionally or deliberately!) treating you as a meantime girl.

You might have the power because being connected to your infinite radiance means you are resensitizing yourself suddenly, or perhaps slowly. And when you resensitize yourself, it often becomes impossible to ignore how a man is really treating you, and how his actions really do make you feel — no matter how convincing a story you’ve been telling yourself over the months… or even years.

So, when the right man comes along, allow yourself to locate where love is in your unique and beautiful womanly body. And if you’ve been dating for some time, and at least a little bit of trust has built up… allow yourself to act from that place of love.

See how it feels.

Have you experienced this place of love in your body? Let me know in the comments below if you found this post helpful or not. 

Wonder what hooks a man’s attention? Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers. 

P.S. Please do not use this as a rationale to chase a man you already intuitively know is not interested in continuing a relationship with you. It will leave you in the same painful place you may be now, but you’ll just feel even more resentful or angry with him — and worse, perhaps, with yourself. You deserve better than that, so use this guidance judiciously: in situations where the possibilities for growth are inspiring, and worthy of your radiance.

email_polaroid

40
Leave a Reply

avatar
19 Comment threads
21 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
24 Comment authors
LizzieChocolate DivineLynn CStevie Ann DuvallPORCH MONKEY Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Lizzie
Guest
Lizzie

three questions for you:
1. You said once that femininity is freedom, can you write something elaborating on that?
2. Men and their emotions, or “lack thereof” (so they claim) most of the time?
3. How come you kept your last name?

Your writing changed my life and I am so grateful for you. Thank you Renee <3

Stevie Ann Duvall
Guest

This is a great post, Renee. I have been hurt in the past but instead of closing myself off I have been open to love and I finally found it. If you open up it really helps the other person do the same and you can both be feeling from that place of love!

PORCH MONKEY
Guest
PORCH MONKEY

Women in the their 20s are perfect, but as they age into their 30s, 40s, and 50s, they start to put weight on, their tits sag, have cellulite, flabby arms, and wrinkles.

Rena
Guest
Rena

How do you know that he wants something with you? My “man” aka husband never chases after me or says sorry first or actually “needs” me so how in the world am I suppose to know?

Leo Rhodes
Guest
Leo Rhodes

Hey.. so I found your website at some point through an article on the dark feminine energy.. but anyway, thought you might have some helpful insight. I live with my girlfriend, and I have a very unconventional way of living: I do what I want, when I want, and follow my own intuition and thoughts over anyone else’s. My girlfriend, meanwhile has more of the “general society mindset”. She’s really into me, and I am still in love with her, but I find myself basically 0 attracted to her anymore. We fought a bit more the last few weeks, and… Read more »

Lynn C
Guest
Lynn C

…interesting!

Chocolate Divine
Guest
Chocolate Divine

I think you said it in the first sentence. You need her to pull out the dark, sensual, bad girl, luscious, deep part of her and it just isn’t there. She’s not comfortable with that part of herself (and society has taught her to not be). Lots of women are afraid of that part of themselves because they’ve been taught to believe…only virgin Mary type girls get married and Madonna Whores get kicked to the curb. Men have also created this problem with words like cunt, hoe, bitch, and slut. Not sure what to tell you. She has to come… Read more »

Jessica W
Guest
Jessica W

True radiance comes from within. The outer beauty will not last, but it can be slowed down by taking care of yourself inside and out. If you have a happy spirit, everyone will feel it and will be drawn to it.

Bambi
Guest
Bambi

Thank you, Renee. You have a brilliant way of articulating and simplifying the topics you share. Your truths resonate with me on a deep level. I appreciate the gift of your articles!

Fh1
Guest
Fh1

Hi renee. You say you used to believe no man would love you and want to take care of you. I believe that and it affects my attitude energy and behaviour. How to change it?

Renee Wade
Guest

Hi there 🙂 This is a moment by moment desire to be, do and have more…to believe in something more than our fears. It’s getting out of our fears and opening in to our own capacity to love the right man and living there instead. It’s been many years for me…that was a long time ago, so it really was a journey – and when I say that I intend to say that I believe in the journey, the evolution of you – invest in that at all costs. Nothing we ‘get’ ever fulfils us or makes us happy but… Read more »

Fh1
Guest
Fh1

Thanks renee for your reply I couldn’t agree more. I have been making that decision to love more than fear. Sonetines it comes naturally other times the fear/contraction feels like it is very real and all encompassing or their is an emptiness. In those moments it feels more sad not to be loving than the original thing that made me afraid or at least it compounds it . What then?

Fh1
Guest
Fh1

Also could you expand on how to live In that radiance for ourselves – I definitely fall in the trap of wanting to be it for the other ie needing rather than possessing love.

Renee Wade
Guest

Perhaps you need to go through the process of being motivated to do it for others, and experience that before you can get to the place where you do it for yourself. Again, the evolution 🙂 Then you’ll know!

Micaela Falu
Guest
Micaela Falu

Renee let me first say hello! I’ve been reading your blogs and I receive your daily emails, and I must say you have assisted me into truly tapping into my feminine energy. Just receiving an email from you makes me feel connected and truly radiant. Thank you!

Renee Wade
Guest

You are welcome thanks for sharing this with me Micaela
– Renee.

Anna C
Guest
Anna C

Hey Renée, just ran into this post. Thanks for writing it. I’ve felt the 2 sides of fighting that you mentioned before … Even the gutless side… Not too long ago. I suppose I had been stressed, and I attacked him unfairly, about something that wasn’t his fault. When I saw him just listen to me without judgement, I began to soften, and I realised it didn’t matter. A few days went by & I kind of reacted a few more times from fear, and he never used it against me or was mean to me. I was stressed out.… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest

Thank You Anna 🙂 both for your thoughts and for your kind words. x

Free Beauty
Guest
Free Beauty

Hi Renee! Thank you for all your work! I appreciated the most, you had changed my life and my future. Before this blog I was destined to be with abusive man that were interested in my status and also my independency. Now I know the part I was doing wrong! But… I think now I went to the other extreme practicing being vulnerable, I became totally dependent and unuseful (is only my fault) because realize I was attracting idiots with my independency then it made me change my mindset to vulnerability. I had met men that gave me everything being… Read more »

Mona
Guest
Mona

I have been married for 17 years. I don’t think I am radiant. The only thing that maybe differentiated me from other women before I got married is the fact that I accepted the fact that I wanted a committed relationship as natural and not a sign of weakness. That wasn’t always like that, I believed I was supposed to embrace the myth that “women don’t need men”, except for a bit of fun maybe, only I was never “strong” enough to really believe that I could be truly happy without ever being in a committed relationship. Then I got… Read more »

dd
Guest
dd

As a forty something man, I find Renees articles about relationships and her insights into men very accurate. I am looking at this issue from a man’s perspective: the number of men who possess the depth of character that are truly able to recognise and appreciate a deeply radiant woman is very small. Most men won’t even see it, even if it’s right under their nose. Conversely, the number of woman who are willing to cultivate this inner radiance is very small. Many, many women pay it lip service. Or they think they can get their inner radiance from the… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest

This is a great comment dd, thanks for adding your valuable thoughts.

Lalaland
Guest
Lalaland

“You came here for more intuitive, powerful reasons:”

The most powerful section in the post!

Ladies, OMG, we are here to allow Divine love to flow through us. We are love.

z. armer
Guest
z. armer

When I met my husband we had a connection that was so crazy and strong. I know I used to exude this beauty and radiance that you speak of. I feel sometimes that its no longer there (after 2 kids, its hard to feel beautiful and not like a gross mommy). I want my husband to feel the love and feminine force that drew him to me,and rekindle that crazy passion. So, I tried the feminine approach, became softer, lighter, tried to lead with love, and he took advantage of it and became a complete ass. So, I had to… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest

Z. armer, you can read the part of this article that mentions saying ‘no’.

Not bitchy in and of itself, just real and raw ‘no’.

But to do that, you need to not be under stress – ie; not be caught up in the stressful entertainment of an argument, for example.

Me
Guest
Me

Hey Renee What if someone has grown up from a small child, never really feeling loved. What happens if they deeply perceive that they are unlovable – not at a conscious level, but emotively and down to their nervous system and all to the cells in the body? See, I believe that everyone goes through bad experiences in life, but do you ever come across people in the street that look like they haven’t experienced a day of feeling loved within their life experience; they wouldn’t really know would love feels like if it came up and bit them on… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

Sweet Lovely Sister: I know EXACTLY what you’re experiencing because I experience this a lot and I am slowly coming through to the other side. As abused children (in the care of another who was most likely a victim of the same abuse), we learn how to survive by distancing our emotions. This is a survival tactic. And I would like to first congratulate you for being so strong and surviving your abuse. You survived! Celebrate this first. I know that the abuse and after math of our learned habits to survive (like dissociation – which is how I disconnect… Read more »

Me
Guest
Me

Hey Jessica 🙂 Thank you so so much for your kind and thoughtful message, what a lovely response. Everything makes so much what you have wrote. I was the victim of child negligence and cruelty. See, my past still haunts me now and I’ve grown up with a deep seated feeling of never feeling worthy. This feels almost too impossible to override as if its running everything from my nervous system to the cells in my body. Nevertheless, I’m really trying to forget everything from the past, even though things feel impossible some times. I can’t change my past, but… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

Beautiful Sister, Changing your name is so courageous! Good for you!! That is a big step towards becoming the woman you are deep inside; your perfect, loveable, amazing, courageous, strong, radiant, loving, thoughtful, kind, and compassionate you. The beautiful thing about being hurt is that we are able to truly know the pain of others and this can make us a very empathetic and compassionate person. But first, you need your empathy, compassion and love – and trust me, you DESERVE IT! I know what you’re going through love. I’ve been there and am still there 🙂 but I am… Read more »

Me
Guest
Me

Hey hey hey loverlyyy Jessica 🙂 Thanks so much for writing; how very thoughtful and kind of you to do so. Since you’ve wrote back to me, I’ve felt more support from others in my every day life – my mom in particular. Ever felt like you are running some self-perpetuating cycle that you have no idea on how to put an end too? Well I think-feel everything you’ve wrote pretty much sums up my life expression. I noticed how the inner child was mentioned and feel that is a great indicator to a larger extent of my pain. So,… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

Beautiful Sister, The new support you’re receiving from the universe is a reflection of the support you’re now offering to yourself. Such a beautiful gift, I’m so happy for you beloved!! Yes, I’ve definitely had my time on the hamster wheel (lol that’s what I call it when I run around in the circles of my habitual behavior). Thank you for allowing me to share my love with you – you’re so special to me, you don’t even know 🙂 You’re already connected to my heart dear Sister and I love you so much! Of course you’re changing your name… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

Sweet Renee! I just love you! I am so glad you’re writing a book! After I take all of the courses on my list (Understanding Men, Commitment Control 2, High Value/Status on FB & the Secret Cube – I already have the 17 Attraction Triggers and am receiving the ACMs with the pebbles) I will be able to grab the book and give it away like it’s crack to EVERY woman in my life 🙂 I love passing on the gospel lol You might enjoy this youtube video – It’s fun (but like 20 minutes and I know you’re a… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest

Haha, passing on the gospel. That makes you a very generous and kind woman. Thanks for doing what is right.

Enjoy the programs. Thanks for the link!

Nes
Guest
Nes

very nice vid & very nice article. Thanks to both of you for posting these.

Emelie
Guest
Emelie

Thank you Renee, I feel so calm when I read your advice and wisdom. You’re a wonderful woman to share this with us!

Amina Ummsulaym
Guest
Amina Ummsulaym

That she is.

Mona
Guest
Mona

I have been waiting for your new article for weeks, checking every day, finally it’s here, loving it 🙂

Send this to a friend