Until a woman is 25 or 35, radiance is mostly given to her on a platter — young skin, healthy hair, flexible body, white teeth and a fresh face. That’s the physical stuff youth naturally endows us with. Very quickly though, we begin to lose this effortless bounty, and the world begins to seem as if it is populated by millions of glowing 18-year-olds.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve felt panic somewhere along the line about losing your youth. It’s actually a good thing, a heads-up, a harbinger of things to come — and it forces us to focus more on growth, or on renewing our efforts to stay in youth. This first panic hits us all at different times. And it hits some harder than others, depending on our values, and what we were taught, and how we were encouraged as children.
We get older still… 30, 40, 50, 60-plus… and eventually there comes a turning point where we either desperately try to “keep” young — which potentially makes us look like idiots — or we choose to relax into our lines and our scars and our cellulite.
This is when, through no choice of our own, we may start to consider an ageless question: What is endless, mesmerizing, mind-boggling beauty? What gives us deep radiance, beyond the surface? This is what matters to the men who are actually worthy of our time.
And what can we do to achieve this holy grail that so few women ever achieve (through no fault of their own, since society doesn’t even acknowledge that this kind of beauty is possible)?
You can’t be radiant to every man. Some men are horrible, and can’t stand the thought of any woman over 20-something. Who — what human — can live up to that? And these men have issues. You don’t want them. But how can you unlock your own depth of radiance for the one(s) who are worthy?
For reasons unbeknownst to me (since before I met my husband, I feared nobody could ever love me or want to take care of me), in my husband’s eyes, I am the most beautiful woman, and in my heart, I know this will last for as long as life allows us to be together. He will be here, thinking the same way of me 50 years from now, if we live that long. (Having kids makes me think I might die early of a heart attack. But that’s OK; it’s all worth it.)
And I tell you this about my husband because I want you to know that I write knowing that kind of stability, attraction and love from the right man feel like. I really do know that this exists.
If you know my work, and if you read my book — which will be out in the next year or so — then you will know that radiance is the key to acquiring men. (I’m kidding; radiance is the key to attracting good men, not acquiring them!) It’s a feeling, once you get there, of infinite hope and power with men that very few women experience consistently. It’s a feeling that you’ll always have the ability to mesmerise the right one(s), and gift them with your deep radiance for as long as you both shall live. Would you like that?
Maybe you’ve experienced it at random intervals in your life… a little glimmer of hope. Or if you’ve allowed yourself to live as the goddess you really are, maybe you already experience this inexhaustible power on a daily basis. Look, let’s get one thing out there: Being a woman is a great advantage. Being a man is a great advantage too.
However… being a woman naturally makes you an energetic, beautiful, incredible specimen to men — in ways that they themselves cannot be — which is the very reason they want you.
Masculine men generally don’t want to devote themselves to an energetically neutral or boring person (I’m generalizing because there are men who feel they want a safe woman who has a lot of commonalities with them, and who are therefore unthreatening). Again in general, masculine men look for radiant women who enliven them, and make their lives come alive and seem… well, worth living!
Sorry if you think no human being alone should ever make life seem worth living. I believe that there are many moments in life when being close to another person fuels one’s inspiration to do more and be more!
And we as women, with our genuine radiance, can give men this feeling, that “it’s so great to be in communion with this woman! I feel alive, and this connection is so valuable that I somehow don’t find the freedom of being single as crucial as I used to…” which could mean the difference between his committing to us, and falling in love with us, or… we could do a “meh” — and expect commitment to come to us just because we have a pussy.
The very best men in the world will worship the radiance that comes from your heart — not just the physical radiance we talked about earlier, the stuff of youth. But the most important thing to remember is that the power and permanence of this radiance come from wanting to live in it for yourself. When you do it for love and approval from others — or to get something from men before your own basic needs are met — you risk crushing your hopes and even damaging your health.
Nobody comes out of those situations feeling powerful and confident, much less like an infinite human. So I repeat: Meet your own needs first. Give yourself that gift of radiance (which I’m getting to here), and then you can give out of a genuine enjoyment of giving and being alive. Yes, it takes maturity and a willingness to do things differently than your body feels is comfortable and safe. But you must do it for yourself to gain the great prize of walking through life with incredible, not necessarily arrogant, confidence in your natural womanly radiance and beauty.
I don’t care how much money you have… how many holidays you have… how much sex you have… or how many men try to pick you up. Those are all superficial distractions to avoid the deeper suffering that every human being, rich or poor, experiences. Who you are, and whether you own your one-of-a-kind individual radiance, surpasses any material wealth or facade you can make for yourself. And nothing in the world compares with the infinite feeling of confidence in yourself as a freely flowing, powerfully strong, and non-boring woman. (And by non-boring, for the purposes of this article, I mean: not avoiding sensitizing yourself, not avoiding your natural bodily pleasure, not avoiding sharing your gifts and opinions, and not avoiding the naturally dark and politically incorrect areas of life.)
How to develop and bring out your sparkling, glittering radiance
Sit down in a peaceful place. Nature, whatever nature you like, is great for this — a grass patch, out in the back yard with the chickens, near the edge of a cliff, or under a beautifully fragrant tree. As a feminine human being, much of your naturally sexy and inspiring radiance resides in your pelvic area and in your thighs or legs. Most of your food energy goes to making your reproductive organs do what they need to do to continue the cycle of life, so there’s a lot of energy there!
Feel the energy travel gently from your tight areas (usually in the “traps” — the neck, the shoulders, the head), right down to the base of your feet. As you breathe and bring the energy down, maybe stand up and allow your hips to sway like the breeze, until you find a little bit of movement that feels good to you. And as you’re allowing your body to move in the way it wants (still allowing the tension and kinks to dissolve from your upper body and neck, etc.), feel where your deepest love is:
Do you feel it most in your heart? Or maybe in your pelvis? Where can love be felt? Where does love come from?
Doesn’t matter where you think it should come from. It matters where you feel it comes from in you… you and only you. Nobody else will ever be able to be you. It’s a miracle that you are here at all. So wherever is right for you, wherever you can locate love energy, is the right place. Now feel how this softens your whole body.
An easy way to do this is to feel yourself in an argument with a person you love. You are insulting each other, causing each other stress. Suddenly, you decide to look deeply into their eyes… and as much as you hate them in that moment… you have a choice to soften and let your energy go to a place inside of you that can love them, or to trust and stay in the energy of the hateful argument.
Feel the physical state of your body if you choose to continue with the stressful entertainment of the argument. You have to relax nothing, and breathe no more deeply to stay there. It’s pretty gutless. (Don’t worry, I’m not saying that to judge, I’m saying that because I know how gutless it is from doing it in the past myself.)
If instead, you were to move toward this person and softly put your hand on their hand, and maintain touch and eye contact with warmth, my question is: Which part of your body would you need to relax for this physical action to be possible and genuine?
To insult someone with hate energy, you need to be under stress. (You can also insult someone without their feeling it as an insult; it’s all about your body and whether it is communicating softness, love and openness, or hate, closure, fear, unwillingness and resentment.)
To love someone, you need to be in the process of slowing your heart rate, and you need to breathe deeply into your belly. This is incredibly freeing, and the best gift you can give yourself. I won’t even get into how great it is for the other person, who may not have had anyone love or try to connect with them like that often — or at all.
Then, if you could touch this person in any way, and show your love for them with your eyes, your energy, your disposition and openness to connection — where would you feel that source of love inside yourself?
For this person to feel your love and desire to connect with them, for who they are, all of their imperfections included — you need to access your own openness to the place inside yourself where you can love from. You actually have to be willing to melt your own identity, through the courage of breath and the courage of feeling what comes up.
I want to ask: Do the insults and the loving gestures feel like they come from the same place in your body?
Feel how emotional it can be to even “go there,” to this place where you can access and show love. Because it’s real and wild — the kind of goddess that you are or would have been before you had to do the daily grind, or do things you don’t want to do.
You came here for more intuitive, powerful reasons:
- You came here to love one man deeply — and to grow in your capacity to love him deeply.
- You also came here, perhaps, to protect children who are yours, or who are close to you.
- You came here to praise girlfriends, no matter how painful it can feel to point out another woman’s radiance, like you might lose something.
- You also came here to smile at the right men, and enliven them with your energy.
- You came here for sacred sex with a trustable man.
- You came here maybe to love animals and nurture them.
I’m just wondering, do you feel the power in these purposes? Even if your “other reality” is going to work every day, or dating abusive men, or dating men who don’t really feel it for you, you came here to do more than sit in a shit pile just because there may not be hope for anything better.
Well, there is. And when you relax into this radiance, you might just find that you have the power to say “No” to the men who aren’t genuine with you. You might just have the power and confidence to say “No” to the men who are (often not intentionally or deliberately!) treating you as a meantime girl.
You might have the power because being connected to your infinite radiance means you are resensitizing yourself suddenly, or perhaps slowly. And when you resensitize yourself, it often becomes impossible to ignore how a man is really treating you, and how his actions really do make you feel — no matter how convincing a story you’ve been telling yourself over the months… or even years.
So, when the right man comes along, allow yourself to locate where love is in your unique and beautiful womanly body. And if you’ve been dating for some time, and at least a little bit of trust has built up… allow yourself to act from that place of love.
See how it feels.
Have you experienced this place of love in your body? Let me know in the comments below if you found this post helpful or not.
Wonder what hooks a man’s attention? Click here to find out the 17 Attraction Triggers.
P.S. Please do not use this as a rationale to chase a man you already intuitively know is not interested in continuing a relationship with you. It will leave you in the same painful place you may be now, but you’ll just feel even more resentful or angry with him — and worse, perhaps, with yourself. You deserve better than that, so use this guidance judiciously: in situations where the possibilities for growth are inspiring, and worthy of your radiance.