Article updated 2018
When we feel the need to be enough and ‘do’ as much as the next woman, girl or mother, are we really a better woman?
And do people really care anyway?
No, the people who really care about you won’t care whether you do more or not.
Only the people who compete with you to feel good about themselves and for variety will care. But they don’t care about YOU, they care about their own good or bad feelings, in that moment.
Since becoming Tyson’s Mummy, I realised that I felt this peer pressure (but self-imposed of course) to ‘make’ all the food at his 1st birthday party.
And for what? Just so I could be one of the mums who ‘made’ all the food?
Just so I could be a good competitor and compete in someone else’s race?
And would that make me a better Mum to Tyson?
The only thing it would do is put my body under more pump and stress to get everything made and done by myself.
And haven’t you been at those parties where the host was unable to have a conversation with you at ALL the entire duration of the party because they had made themselves so stressed?
Outside of the mothering circles, there are other areas in which women feel some sort of pressure to ‘perform’.
– In the bedroom
– Bigger cleavage
– Less signs of ageing
– More children; bigger family, more power to the woman
– More college degrees
– Higher paying job
– Better position at work
– Less make up
– More make up
– Better wedding
– Faster labour
– Longer labour
– Taller husband
None of this necessarily makes us or our lives a gift to everybody else. It doesn’t make us more spiritual.
It merely makes us more compliant to somebody else’s competition.
Women are not a gift to the world when they do more.
They are less of a gift when they do more. There is no higher or spiritual benefit when you enter the competition to ‘do’ the most in one’s lifetime.
Because nobody’s life is guaranteed.
And tomorrow is not guaranteed.
And you are not happy when you are a pleaser.
And neither is anybody else.
Maintaining the status quo of surface emotions
It’s something that we do to just maintain the status-quo of ‘surface’ emotions.
It doesn’t help us grow spiritually. By keeping the surface emotions the same, it makes our life more convenient, but not more infinite. The more stress a woman has, the less feminine energy she can radiate as a rule.
And competition and ‘doing’ more comes from a constricted breath.
It’s not full and flowing and infinite.
It is constricted and fight or flight. It’s so that we can prove something.
And so that we can issue pre-emptive strikes at others who MIGHT judge us.
But we don’t have to prove anything, because the people who are watching are not watching for you.
They are watching for themselves.
The people who really care about you, really care about YOU, not what you do.
And worse still, as a woman has more and more stress over the years, her body begins to look the picture of stress. When we are like this, we don’t look open to men. We don’t seem kind to others.
Our lives aren’t a gift to others.
I suggest that you are not an expert at all things.
CERTAINLY, trying to be the expert at too many things just to compete makes us competitors, not necessarily good competitors either. That kind of competing will only create further gaps between you and potential friends.
When you finally breathe and stop trying to ‘do’ everything, you can relax iintoyour true energy and nature. And just be. And if you feel pressure to do a certain thing, remember this.
Your life being a gift to everybody is worth more than you trying to ‘do’ more to look good to phantom people or even dead people from your past.
And I remember a quote from Anthony Robbins saying:
“What you GET will never make you happy. But who you become will either make you very happy, or very sad.”
(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)
What makes your life a gift to others?
Well, think of Mother Teresa.
Would you say that her life was a gift to others?
I would say mostly, yes. And that’s because she wasn’t busy with pointless things that don’t mean much in the end. She was genuine in her expression of love.
I believe her actions were probably guided by love.
And that energy of love rippled out as a wonderful gift to many strangers around her.
And it’s when we choose to do things from a place of love….if LOVE really leads us there, then it’s right. It’s infinite.
But proving something, and competing in some other woman’s competition who doesn’t care about us is not infinite.
Are you Playing Small?
The idea of keeping up with other women and what they are doing seems right.
I guess it is because we have to fit in somehow.
But, it’s playing small.
Don’t play small.
Because you aren’t small.
As a woman, you weren’t born to be small.
You weren’t born to conform to and follow other women’s fears and insecurities.
When in doubt, and if you are stressed, try to choose the courageous route.
The route that express more of your love, whatever that is for you.
It COULD be making all the food at a dinner party of your own.
It COULD be teaching somebody you don’t know something that you know a lot about.
It COULD be running in the olympics.
It COULD be raising children.
It could be writing.
It could even be becoming an exotic dancer.
And it could be nothing but existing as you.
Each person is different.
And that’s ok. It’s ok to drop the tension, because you are a gift when you have the courage to drop the need to prove something and start to just BE.
Not the route you’re lead to by your non-breathing, hyperventilating, competitive, ‘smaller’ self.
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Isn’t being a Gift to Others the Same as Pleasing?
No. Because pleasing is not a gift.
Pleasing is the fake thing we do to stay safe.
And to do things from a place that makes us feel safe is not the same as doing or expressing ourselves from a place of freedom and love. Pleasing comes from a stressful state in our body.
Being a gift to others is where love will lead you.
And that could mean doing anything…that is your unique expression of love.
(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)
P.S. Connect with me on social media!
- Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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