What Every Woman Ought to Know about Trusting a Man
Let’s try a thought experiment: Think of someone you trust 100%, and still trust. If you don’t trust anyone 100% right now, think of a moment in your past (perhaps as long ago as your early childhood), when you trusted someone fully. It could have been a fleeting moment, it could have been for quite some time. You will most likely have trusted at least one parent 100%, when you were a small child.
Question: about this person whom you trust 100% (or perhaps 98%, if you feel you cannot trust anyone fully). What if another person you respect, love or trust came up to you and started telling you everything that the person you trust 100% had done wrong, and gave you numerous pieces of evidence to prove that you absolutely could not trust this person at all?
Would that make you less certain about that person you trust 100%?
Would you call up that person you trust 100% and start questioning them? Would you feel sick to the guts from what you had heard about them? Would you be afraid?
Back to the person you trust 100%. If you were honest with yourself, could you find a plethora of reasons why you could not trust him or her? Even without somebody else throwing reasons in your face? I bet that you could also find many references to back up the conclusion that they can be trusted, as well if you wanted to.
In a world where virtually everyone has felt as though their trust has been betrayed; it can be hard to find certainty or trust in anyone at all, especially when you focus hard and frequently on it. Everything from what is reported on the news, to people telling bad stories, can cause us to see that nobody can ever be truly trusted. A lot of women also refuse to get in to a new relationship after they have been ‘burnt’ or lied to in a past relationship. And even if they do, when they get in to a new relationship, their lack of trust in men in general cripples the current relationship.
Granted, there are some men (and women) who have hurt, disappointed or lied to their spouse or friend so much that the bad association becomes impossible to reverse; leaving little reason for the other person to ever want to trust again even though it may actually be very possible to trust that person again and rebuild the relationship.
The point is that whatever you focus on, you will find. Even if you feel you are with the most trustworthy man in the world, or best friends with the most trustworthy person on earth; I am certain that you could, if you wanted to, give me at least 5 reasons why you may not be able to trust them. It could be as simple as them forgetting to follow up on a trivial promise. It could be your husband forgetting to feed the dog. It could be your man repeatedly doing something small you keep asking him not to do. It could be your best girlfriend telling a white lie to protect you. It could even be that your man made a careless joke about you regarding something very personal to you – but he didn’t even think twice about it. (read my article about how to overcome jealousy)
Do these things alone render somebody untrustworthy? Why then! No human being is trustworthy.
There are always millions of reasons why you should or should not trust anyone. Especially a man, because women and men are inherently different, and what you consider trustworthy behavior as a woman may not always be to him.
But here’s the truth: trusting is a choice. It’s something you have to commit to, even when you feel so uncertain that you feel crippled. Even when your current man does something that reminds you of your ‘crappy’ ex boyfriend. This is not to say that you should ignore obvious warning signals that something is not right, or put up with bad treatment. There has to be a balance.
Considering you can never ever truly control anybody, especially your man – the best you have is influence – you must ask yourself: do I value a beautiful and passionate relationship more than I do my own desperation for certainty?
Many of us also fear regret. ‘If I trust him and he lies to me….then….? Would I have wasted my time?’
One final question for you (yes you!): Do you think it’s better to die giving all you have; and to die risking opening yourself to the one you love; than to live your life in distrust? Which is worth more? You must choose one…