What Every Woman Ought to Know about Trusting a Man

What Every Woman Ought to Know about Trusting a Man

What Every Woman Ought to Know about Trusting a Man

Let’s try a thought experiment: Think of someone you trust 100%, and still trust. If you don’t trust anyone 100% right now, think of a moment in your past (perhaps as long ago as your early childhood), when you trusted someone fully. It could have been a fleeting moment, it could have been for quite some time. You will most likely have trusted at least one parent 100%, when you were a small child.

Question: about this person whom you trust 100% (or perhaps 98%, if you feel you cannot trust anyone fully). What if another person you respect, love or trust came up to you and started telling you everything that the person you trust 100% had done wrong, and gave you numerous pieces of evidence to prove that you absolutely could not trust this person at all?

Would that make you less certain about that person you trust 100%?

Would you call up that person you trust 100% and start questioning them? Would you feel sick to the guts from what you had heard about them? Would you be afraid? (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Back to the person you trust 100%. If you were honest with yourself, could you find a plethora of reasons why you could not trust him or her? Even without somebody else throwing reasons in your face? I bet that you could also find many references to back up the conclusion that they can be trusted, as well if you wanted to.

In a world where virtually everyone has felt as though their trust has been betrayed; it can be hard to find certainty or trust in anyone at all, especially when you focus hard and frequently on it. Everything from what is reported on the news, to people telling bad stories, can cause us to see that nobody can ever be truly trusted. A lot of women also refuse to get in to a new relationship after they have been ‘burnt’ or lied to in a past relationship. And even if they do, when they get in to a new relationship, their lack of trust in men in general cripples the current relationship.

Granted, there are some men (and women) who have hurt, disappointed or  lied to their spouse or friend so much that the bad association becomes impossible to reverse; leaving little reason for the other person to ever want to trust again even though it may actually be very possible to trust that person again and rebuild the relationship. (Click here to register to watch the Commitment Masterclass for free)

The point is that whatever you focus on, you will find. Even if you feel you are with the most trustworthy man in the world, or best friends with the most trustworthy person on earth; I am certain that you could, if you wanted to, give me at least 5 reasons why you may not be able to trust them. It could be as simple as them forgetting to follow up on a trivial promise. It could be your husband forgetting to feed the dog. It could be your man repeatedly doing something small you keep asking him not to do. It could be your best girlfriend telling a white lie to protect you. It could even be that your man made a careless joke about you regarding something very personal to you – but he didn’t even think twice about it. (read my article about how to overcome jealousy)

Do these things alone render somebody untrustworthy? Why then! No human being is trustworthy.

There are always millions of reasons why you should or should not trust anyone. Especially a man, because women and men are inherently different, and what you consider trustworthy behavior as a woman may not always be to him.

But here’s the truth: trusting is a choice. It’s something you have to commit to, even when you feel so uncertain that you feel crippled. Even when your current man does something that reminds you of your ‘crappy’ ex boyfriend. This is not to say that you should ignore obvious warning signals that something is not right, or put up with bad treatment. There has to be a balance.

Considering you can never ever truly control anybody, especially your man – the best you have is influence – you must ask yourself: do I value a beautiful and passionate relationship more than I do my own desperation for certainty?

Many of us also fear regret. ‘If I trust him and he lies to me….then….? Would I have wasted my time?’

Do you want to know what make a man pull away? What attracts a man to a woman? Click here to learn about the 17 Attraction Triggers.

One final question for you (yes you!):

Do you think it’s better to die giving all you have; and to die risking opening yourself to the one you love; than to live your life in distrust? Which is worth more? You must choose one… :)

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47 Comments

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  • Anna C

    Reply Reply May 28, 2014

    “Trust is a choice”. A profound secret most would benefit by knowing!

    I realised that in my relationship, when arguments start to happen more often, it’s usually preceded by a breakdown of trust. It used to feel to me that lack of trust came out of the blue, but it’s actually a conscious choice we make. If we choose to trust our partner, we can build a stronger relationship.

    If anything feels disconnected or if your relationship is getting harder for you, I would check the trust area. Is it running low?

  • prettydamfine

    Reply Reply March 15, 2014

    the way i feel about the bullshit is if i get my feelings hurt i will kill and destroy Wat i though i had so i gotta be safe and keep my heart too a level and if there’s a problem with him not being about too trust me i will do every thing i can too show the man im with i care love and all of the above too him its just that no know feels the same when i will young i didn’t never have these feelings they hurt and bad i feel as if i should not love and if i do the person has to show true and deal with me straight up

  • Sabina

    Reply Reply February 10, 2014

    Yes, trust is a choice. A bad choice

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  • Jim

    Reply Reply May 1, 2013

    I started hating comics in the newspapers when “Cathy” started. Do women really think like that? She said yes.
    Read “The Predatory Female” if you can find a copy.
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  • cath

    Reply Reply March 10, 2013

    Easier said than done fir people who have been hurt but yes… trust with your heart and let go of tge fact that someone could betray you. Vulnerability alliws yoy to love deeper, feel more and enjiy the incredible man you are with :) The first time I did this for a man, mmade my sel compkletely vulnerable, he cheated. I am with a man now and it has taken me a year an 2 minths to realize that it is time to let myself be vulnerable. We are more inlive and happy than ever before :) I love him with everything I have

  • lillylarogue

    Reply Reply July 18, 2012

    “Whatever you focus on you will find” Never a truer word spoken

  • Reem

    Reply Reply June 19, 2011

    Always love your articles Renee, i guess everything you decide to do is a commitment. If its not going to be from a love it will come out of fear.

  • the ghost of bashir gemayel

    Reply Reply February 5, 2011

    wow,,u womne who think,,feel like this scare me,,,no women in the world deserve to marry a man,,if she is totally screwed up and insecure in her head and heart,,dont destroy a mans life and or the lives of ur future children,,,,why dont u womne get to know whom,,and what u are as female adults before trying to get to know another person,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i bet most of u females never had a normal,nurturing,loving caring ,supporting,relationship with YOUR FATHERS,,and this is why u women question each and every thing in the universe down to its atomic orbital,and atomic particles…get real if u women do get a man,,trust me it will be a screw ball man

    • Rachel

      Reply Reply July 13, 2011

      Wow…So…My father…is a fantastic man, and I trust him with my life…and I trust my two best friends. That’s it! My husband…is about to be an ex, and or almost 9 years, all I heard was lies! He lied about everything from the time he went to bed, to the name of the girl he lost his virginity to. He lied about prices of things…He NEVER told the truth…unless it was to betray my trust. He would tell people things I had said in confidence. I trusted him from the beginning…and he messed that up. He accused me of cheating on him from day one…and i hadn’t! So now…as bad as it sounds, it’s hard for me to believe that anyone wouldn’t be that way! However, I DO tend to trust, until I find a reason not to. The only thing is, when I have a gut feeling about something, I follow my instincts and investigate!

  • Jim

    Reply Reply January 20, 2011

    ladies ,,please dont blame,,hate your selves for pain nor us men,,,,i will be amazed if any gals open up about what i have said….p.s. if any gals do just let me know,,,,,,,,,,and no i dont have any ulterior motives,,,,,,,,if i did i would tell you……..and i dont have any ulterior motives!

    • Dee

      Reply Reply May 24, 2013

      Challenge accepted….. Men just need to start respecting women (all women) and show that they care….. Happy Wife Happy Life…..

  • Jim

    Reply Reply January 20, 2011

    trust me there are great men out there who are in the same situation like u gals,,,,,,,,,,,,but the problem is they dont think,,,,,,that verbalizing,,being vocal will solve anything,,,,,so us men including myself go back to our selves and enjoy cooking dinner all alone like u womne do,,thinking about how carzy human nature is,,,and writing on blogs like this……….sad really sad we dont get to know 1 another in anormal human way..becuse of getting cheated on,,,burned out…….u know all this week i been dreaming about having my own baby,,,and in the dreams im holding my babies and im feeling like in in heaven.,,,but of course my male brain tells me u women dont belive me,,u all never heard that men actually love childeren and truthfully belive in permanent realtionships ,,aka growing old with your spouse.,,but u see i cannot hold that poisonous attitude about women,,cuse then every woman would be bad,,,,so i dont feel like that,,,,now u women must not hold onto old pains,,emotional baggage,,,,its ok to remember it,,,,we all cannnot forget pain in da past,,,,but guess what,,,u nor i will get a husband or wife if we have abad attitude…even if we are justified for our attitudes!

  • Jim

    Reply Reply January 20, 2011

    dear fellow human beings ,,i am impressed and amazed that there are women like ua;ll who open up,,,i as a man,,cannot undertsand why in the world dont u women communicate with us men like this when we are having lunch,,dinner? when we men open up to you with our own feelings?,,,why women all of u here seems so precious and honest,,u all dont know but there are men out there who feel just like u all do,,we are fingting the same fight for the same values ,,and this is why we are all single,divorced as well..dear fellow human beings..please love ur selves,,,and dont goto a man expecting to change him,,,if a man is messed up,,leave him alone,,dont try to be his mommy,,dont feel its ur duty to rescue him from his horny lustfull ways…,, a man knows within a few weeks of courting a prospective wife those issues he must change ,,u nor any 1 can change another person,,,,my last most painfull question,,that hurts every real human man,,is why do you women loose your own identity ,personality after u get married with a man? i as a man deplore a woman who forgets who SHE IS A A WONDERFULL WOMAN,,,,,,,men really do enjoy seeing thier wife personal expressions of her identity,,via her hobbies,,,ideas,,even things like home decoration,,,now we dont really ascribe to home decoration fanatics,,,but guess what? if my woman,,,my love ,,my soul mate enjoys a hobby ,,thats fine,,im happyand i would enjoy participating in her hobby.look women u deserve a happy loving life…so just dont think too much and let ur thoughts become paranioa,,,,nor think too little and get with some closet creep,,or bad boy type….dont put all your faith in failure or sucsess………..just live ur life,,,if u cannot control,,cope manage your emotions in a normal secure way then maybee u dont deserve to be in any relationship ever,!yes men toooooo,,especially men who continue to lust,,look stare and keep on lusting after every womnan who has a shapley body is a dam looser,,,becus that type of man cannot control his eyes,,mind,,ideas about women and himself,,,,he has no right to have a realtionship,,,ladies dont beat ur selves up….also some men and especially women are never satified with what they want,,,,and many men and especially womne dont know what theywant in life…then time passes and they want a superman..or a miss universe……..get real,,,were human,,know ur self,,then know another perosn!

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