Why Marriage Vows Are Not Important

Article updated 2018

Every time some cheating or infidelity story hits the front-page news, there are conversations (of course). And in these conversations, there is inevitably a number of people crying “people don’t honor their marriage vows anymore!” “The world has changed!” “no-one sticks to their promise anymore!” “Doesn’t a marriage vow mean anything anymore?!!”

Well, actually – no, they don’t. And they (vows) never really have, when it comes down to it. The vows themselves are hardly worth a thing. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Don’t you think people like Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods remember they said their marriage vows? Don’t you think they KNEW they had something at stake? Namely, millions of dollars, a reputation, losing the affection of their wife? What about feeling their children hating them at times?

We all KNOW,(women and men) intellectually, that we have something to lose when we are unfaithful. No-one is valuing their marriage vows in the moment(s) they choose to be unfaithful.

This is because, it’s not the VOW that matters. It’s not that promise to ‘forsake all others’. It’s the daily promise that matters. It’s the actions, rather than words. Words are easy to utter. Babies can do it. (read my article about the power of words)

It’s the promise of both parties (and even just one member of a relationship can change the relationship) to give DAILY. Not just a once-off ‘I do’. Not just a sentence or two.

Who CARES? In moments of unfaithfulness, people are thinking about what they’re MISSING. And you bet there are a tonne of men and women missing, craving, wanting things that they don’t feel they can have in their relationship. Feeling trapped. Unloved. Feeling no attraction. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Are You?”)

Relationships are a constant, daily, 150% mind-body-soul commitment! And it IS a lot of work. I challenge you to think of something that could be harder than maintaining a lifelong passionate love affair/relationship/marriage. And unfortunately, I hardly ever meet  anyone who is truly invested! Few people are truly ready for the ride. And ladies, if you think women are the ‘victims’ here, think again. Women are often just as selfish, and not committed as men. Despite what information the trashy media try to feed you. In fact, the media knows that the majority of people attracted to and interested in the gossip and ‘cheating’ news are women. These stories are written to attract your eyeballs.

And because we are taught to think only of ourselves in today’s society, the vast majority of us simply have developed no emotional fitness whatsoever to get through, and not just survive a marriage or long-term relationship, but to have it thrive.

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

Think about how rare it is for a relationship to work out, let alone last a life-time alongside the ‘I do’ phrase.

It’s hard. A lot of people want it to be easy, because WHO really wants to think that they have to come up with new strategies, surprises, to fill their partner up with daily, for the rest of your life? It’s a whole lot easier to just have casual relationships – and often, more appealing, for most of us! We all just want it to be ‘EASY’ and romantic, and to think it will just last. Because (I know, I know)…..it’s really not sexy to think of your intimate relationship, and the feeling of being in love as something that has to be worked on. We think being in love should just come ‘naturally’, like it does in the first 3-9 months where all the feel-good emotions are circulating. How wrong!

Relationships are no exception to anything else you have to work hard at. (read my article about how to find a man and have a lasting relationship)

To think that you are going to Love without pain, is a lie. Love and passion will be painful, sometimes it will hurt like hell. But just in case you think I’m the bearer of bad news – I’m not. Because all the effort and commitment on the part of each spouse (man or woman) is truly worth it. That is only if you are truly in it though.

Relationships magnify emotion. This is what drives us in to them, or out of them, and even to ‘never have a relationship again’.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

Daily promise is worth ten million times more than a marriage vow. And that’s why it is so rare for a marriage or relationship to work out. It’s a rare human being that can – and will commit to a daily promise. Too many of us focus entirely on what we are missing. This is natural to us as humans, and worked many thousands or millions of years ago, but now we need spiritual and emotional fitness.

So (especially women), if you think that marriage will be your ultimate key to security or happiness, the best way to chain down a man (oh yes, women actually do this), to get what you ultimately want, you are mistaken.

By the way, I’m not against marriage. I’m simply saying that pointing to a ‘marriage’, or ‘marriage vows’ as a safety net is not a good thing to do. Nobody really cares about or wants to keep the VOWS. They want to feel something, vows or not. (Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Do you think this is true?

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Words Do Matter
Words Do Matter

It is sad when one believes that vows are just words and words don’t matter. Of course they matter. And of course actions must follow to support those words. That is how trust is built. If you dont want to make a promise just so you feel better when you want to break it later, don’t get married. No shame in that. But don’t believe that words and committment don’t matter. They are the full underpinning of our society, our laws, our values, business dealings, bonding of family, etc. They touch every aspect of your life. And in the final… Read more »

Cheating Minx
Cheating Minx

The only purpose of making marriage vows is to have fun breaking them,^_^

P.S. You keep saying “ideal man”, But what if I don’t want a man. What if I want another girl?

Can your advice help me with that?

Jessica Wade
Jessica Wade

It’s true that marriage vows are meant to be spoken and upheld. This is a commitment made to the spouse and most importantly to God. You can make your mouth say anything, but actions speak the loudest. It also depends on if the people are willing to make their marriage work or are going to run and hide when trouble comes. As for adultery, that happens if something is lacking at home or if someone is lacking within themselves. I do not condone affairs. I myself broke a vow to my husband because I felt he was not giving me… Read more »

Oh Waw
Oh Waw

Oh waw!! I guess that I never really thought of marriage vows from this perspective, but then again I guess that I never really thought about marriage that much – I guess it’s just something I never really cared for, for one reason or another. I did truly love a man once in my existence of livingup to this point of my life, and marriage did cross my mind with him. I guess as for now, I’m not really sure how I feel, as I like to live my life with a bit of unpredictability, but on the contray, Ipprobably… Read more »

Nana
Nana

The fact is that, that “Zeny” does not owe you anything, she’s not involved into a relationship with you, she did not promise anything to you. Your husband did. So if you have someone to blame it’s your husband and maybe yourself through the relationship you had with your husband because if someone can break your couple, it’s that your couple wasn’t hard enough anyway for a reason or another. Anyway, no one belongs to anyone even if in our possessive instincts and fears, we would like to. So if a woman had sex with your man, she did not… Read more »

barb
barb

very true words, i agree. i think people have more & more been conditioned by our very materialistic society that we are entitled to Everything, and in relationships to expect perfection and nothing less. and that we have every right to ditch out on the relationship if it doesn’t live up to our sky-high expectations. this goes for women and men both. the truth is, every person no matter the gender is capable of being a crappy, vindictive, mean person. Even people who are generally good, sweet-natured people can be this way at times, it’s just a response to frustration,… Read more »

ghost of anne frank
ghost of anne frank

oh really,,,,,now its the woman in the world stoning the good men to death with the corrupted,unfair legal system,lets be honest,,those men back then were no diffrent from these current day stonings,,we all know ,women in america see,feel,percieve all males in the world to be potential crimminals,,rapists,,ect,,your female intuition tells you so,,,then the bad attitude cops that arrest us innocent men go to jail get ,,beaten,,and possibly sodomized by some group of crazy people..then contract aids and herpes………hey i can prove im right,,,,go look at the female confession site,,,,,true mom confessions .com,,,,,,,,,,,,,,u will cry,,when u see the types of gals… Read more »

?
?

Dear Anonymous,

Were you aware that during that period of time, the “adulterers” who were stoned to death were usually the women? Often-times, these women were falsely accused because their husbands wanted to remarry and the only way to do that was to get rid of their wives. Oh, not to mention, if the man was the one to commit adultery it was the woman’s fault…

female intuition
female intuition

its up to u to live ur life,,,,,dont base ur life on tiger woods,,,or paris hilton,,,,,,,these forums are useless hormonal talk,,,,,why cant we females open up to our family and husbands?maybee were the screwballs ,,,dont ya think?,,maybee we are our own worst enemies? why do we women put all our faith in a man,,? why would we put all our despair in a man hurting us?
,,,,,dear fellow women,,,get a life.

female intuition
female intuition

my emotions tell me im always right i can break my vows if im bored,or if my hubby does not tell me he loves me each day and night ,to calm my bad attitudes………..great job ladies for poisoning mens minds towards females in general…………..is it not hard enough out here? and now u irrational women here are destroying society………….well maybee u women who feel this way should do american men a favor and stay single 4 ever,,and die alone and ugly.we women need to stop thinking so much,,,cuse we only hurt our selves,,,then we blame the nearest man next to… Read more »

LT
LT

I was hoping the title lended to a new model of marriage. While I agree words have meaning, I also understand that agreements we make should be negoitable at different points. Someone above said society crumbles when we don’t honor marriage vows. Well, what if those vows are the issue. THERE IS NO ONE SIZE FIT ALL!!! That is Western society’s problem that almost sets people up to lie. People grow and change as should the vows and agreements. So yes, I do see your points and there is still more opportunity to expand and allow those we love to… Read more »

fashionista
fashionista

ACTIONS speak louder than words…that is the phrase that came to mind when i read this article…it is so right…people say things and make promises all the time then in the same breath do the opposite of what they said or promised. so words really do mean nothing (i.e. vows) in the grand scheme of things, its a persons actions that essentially count. it truly is what a person does on a daily basis is what matters, words are important but words spoken/promises made but NOT back by the action/behavior to support them mean nothing. Very true.

VolleyGirl
VolleyGirl

I’ve read the previous comments and I agree to some extend with all of them and also with your article, Renee. But,I still don’t have a formed opinion on that.
What about couples that have been together for a long time and get along really well, but then when they get married, they start having problems, arguments, distrust, fights and so on? What’s that all about?

Tope
Tope

Technically speaking there is some truth to almost believe that marriage vows are not important when one reads the article but from my own point of view i critical believe it is very very very important. The marriage vows in itself is a guideline and is a statement of declaration. just because most people dont keep their vows does not mean it has becomes or it is a faulty practise. Cheating or infidelity in a marriage does not boil down to the fact that marriage vows were spoken and not kept alone. it boils down to the character of individuals.… Read more »

Amitabh Pandey
Amitabh Pandey

The Option Is Yours: Life, by & large, is inscrutable. But one of its aspects is very clear – it does not indulge in favoritism. it presents a medley of opportunities & challenges alike to one & all, with no discrimination whatsoever. Then why is it that some of us tend to lead peaceful, fulfilling lives while an abject, strife-torn existence is the fate of others? The logic is clear – each individual opts for his own options & traverses life accordingly. Savants have endorsed the need to lead a truly simple & uncomplicated life. It need not be the… Read more »

Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life
Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life

Unfortunately the vows not only don’t matter, but they purposely obscure the actual legal agreement being made by marriage.

You can say “until death do us part”, but if you live in a no fault state, then the actual agreement is “until someone files for divorce”.

You can sing Puff The Magic Dragon to each other as vows and you’re still married just the same as everybody else.

Masaleen
Masaleen

When I first read this title, I balked…It sounds very anti-marriage, but actually everything you say is absolutely true. It’s not about what you SAY, but what you DO. There is no relationship that is immune to affairs, because we are human, and when we’re in emotional need we become too weak to care about such lofty ideals like vows. It’s very important not to cheat after marriage, though, because a vow is a public promise to each other that affects not just the two in the marriage but everyone who sees it, especially children. It’s horrible to grow up… Read more »

Poppy War
Poppy War

This article is very true. Vows are just mere words. Promises mean nothing. It is what you do day to day that keeps a realtionship going. I found this out the hard way.

twinkle
twinkle

Marriage vows mean everything:: When they arent followed within a society, the society crumbles; maybe not now, or tomorrow, but soon—look what’s happening to economies in the western world.

jasmin
jasmin

I believe that marriage vows serve as a wonderful reminder and as a guideline — words to remember when times are good AND bad. Failing to take them seriously is a recipe for disaster. And yes, marriage takes work, but really, it’s just not THAT hard if you’re with the right man.

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