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Learn the Important Masculine Skill that you Need as a Feminine Woman…

Article updated 2018

The upside of being very feminine? Men will be attracted to you. The downside? Well, what I’ve learned is that if you are ALL feminine and don’t cultivate masculine skills, then you get hurt a lot easier and spend too much time getting what you DON’T want in life, you waste a lot more time, and as an aside, you become a less valuable long term partner. (Click here to complete the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Being all feminine carries with it the danger of being too one-dimensional. Just like completely masculine men are a pain in the butt to be in a relationship with, because they lack sensitivity (I’m sure you can relate to that) a completely feminine woman without some masculine essence is difficult to be with for a man.

But this post is about your happiness. For, we can’t be good to others without first giving to ourselves. Which means that, having some versatility to go to your masculine energy when YOU need it, is most valuable for you.

What is the One masculine skill you have to master as a feminine woman?

The skill of elimination. That’s right, elimination. And by that I mean being able to eliminate men from your dating circle, or from your life altogether. Being able to not get hung up on one man who is flaky, dishonest or only there when it’s convenient for him.

At some point in the dating period, you need the objectivity to assess or decide whether a man is going to be good for you or not, no matter how much your emotions are telling you to stay hung up on him.

Emotions are great, you know how much I love them, and how much I advocate feeling them, and honoring them, but at some point, you must cultivate your masculine ability to separate yourself from the situation, decide, and eliminate.

Here’s the truth about being very feminine: We just HANG ON to everything! Once one person comes in to our lives, it’s hard to let them go, even if having that person in our life is bad. And that’s true whether it’s friends or a man. (read my article about how to be feminine)

As with anything, there are downsides and upsides. And this is one of the possible downsides of having a very feminine essence.

I’ve had a couple of  friends whom I know weren’t the best of friends, whom I knew deep down were a bad fit for friendship with me, and who would never be on the same page as me and have the same beliefs as me, but couldn’t let go and in the end the whole friendship breaks down worse than if I had decided to so called ‘eliminate’ them in the first place.

Another aside: if the word ‘eliminate’ sounds insensitive to you, you most definitely have a more feminine essence (or are more in your feminine in this moment), and you most DEFINITELY need to learn the skill of elimination! Even if it feels unnatural to you most of the time, you NEED to eliminate SOME of the time! So as uncomfortable as it is for me to talk about elimination (it makes me feel slightly unattractive and weird in my body to use that word), I know it needs to be done.

How to Eliminate Men

There are three basic steps to being very good at eliminating men, and not wasting time with the men who aren’t worth opening your heart to.

1) Actually become clear with the kind of man and relationship you want, and then become the woman that man would want to be with. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value Am I on Facebook?”)

2) Decide what kind of treatment you are really willing to settle for. If then, a man actually treats you badly, give him one chance (also telling him that it hurt), and if he does it again, eliminate and move on. In fact, sometimes one chance is too many, it just depends what he actually did. 

3) Consciously and deliberately associate pain with wasting time on the wrong man, rather than associating temporary pleasure with just ‘having a man’ in your life. Too many women I work with would prefer the comfort of having some man in her life, and associates too much pain with letting go.

Disclaimer: this post is NOT about ‘waiting for the perfect man’! This post is about meeting more men, and eliminating more men, which makes the whole process of getting to your ideal man faster.

However, if you’re not meeting very many men at all, then, you wouldn’t be any closer to meeting the right man, and you would probably want to hang on to whichever man seems interested.

Meet lots of men, and eliminate lots of men. You can’t find your ‘one’ without this.

And, enjoy the empowerment that comes with making the decision to eliminate the men who are wrong for you. It’s not that they are bad men, it’s that they are the wrong man for you. (read my article about knowing the right kind of man for you)

(What is the ONE thing you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! Click here to find out right now…)

Elimination Gives you Incredible Power as a Woman

When you, as a woman, choose to eliminate a man who is wrong for you even if he’s been good to you in the past and is willing to give you marriage and babies, you gain incredible power. I strive to do this in any area of my life where it’s important to do so. In friendships this is especially hard, but I strive to apply my own elimination rule.

Even with my work, and with my customers. If I sense early on that one of my members is not the type of person that I want to work with, I choose to take her out of the course and give her her money back, without her asking. I just let her know I made this choice and wish her all the best. And I do it often.

Some people thin that’s harsh. I think it is smart; we only have one single lifetime, which means, no time wasters, especially when you work hard on being a good catch. No matter how low your self esteem is, a bad egg should be let go and set free from your life.

(By the way, I’ve just published my brand new DVD titled “Becoming His One & Only!”… and right now it’s FREE for you to get a copy. Click HERE to find out more details and how you can get your man to fall deeper in love with you and beg you to be his one and only)

What do you think? Is it too harsh to eliminate men? Thoughts? Comments? What about eliminating friends?

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P.S – Remember, elimination is a very masculine thing to do. It takes considerable effort to begin doing it, but there are invaluable payoffs. Learn more things about men from our Understanding Men program, click here to read more about this program. 

P.S. Connect with me on social media

 

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Joelle
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Joelle

Think it’s a great point that having a hard time letting go comes from a feminine essence. It’s not something to feel bad or embarrassed about. You could even be proud of it – wow, this proves i have a very feminine soul. Now let’s get me a masculine man to cherish that soul, and feminine friends that will do the same.

Jasmine
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Jasmine

Letting people go is hard when there has been a connection of some sort, especially a strong one. However, your individual life is about having a peace of mind for clarity, minimal stress, burdens being light and enjoying others. Is really hanging on to non like-minded males/ females worth letting that go?

Jessica
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Jessica

Yes it is hard to let people go. When you start loving yourself, it becomes easier to eliminate the BS that comes around you. Don’t waste time and energy trying to keep the bad people around because all that does is block the good people from coming in.

Anita
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Anita

This is great advice and the first thing I will tell my daughter when she grows up!

Max Millar
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Max Millar

You give the absolute best dating advice..ever. I am a man and Renee knows her subject and men and why men are a pain in the butt to date. But Renee keeps it REAL and with no BS. Any woman if she really puts into practice (and changes their mindset) based on what Renee teaches will be happier in her relationships and her man will RESPECT her more and DO more for her.

with love ♡...
Guest
with love ♡...

This would explain a’lot from my past and family members who are no longer a part of my life. I thought it was becausethat certain person doesn’t care but maybe it’s something else. This is the point I need to think from an eliminating perspective then if I want to be truly happy. I sure will be eliminating what doesn’t severe my growth, especially any parts of myself that may make me feel that I can’t let go, because of cause I can. Of cause I deserve to be happy and elimante people who are not right for me. I… Read more »

Donita
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Donita

Hello Renee, Oh Renee thank you for writing this article. I have been abused in the past. Gave one chance to my ex and he screw it up. After giving the second chance I decided to break up with him, he also said he cheated on me by the way. That hurt me so much! From that on I couldn’t even be his friend! And he asked to be my friend and I said no! He then started bitching about me with his friends (a feminine trait) and sent me messages on face book that I was a “slut/ugly/fat” etc… Read more »

Sofia
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Sofia

Omg, I am addicted to your posts! I have recently let go a friend of mine. I dont know what is with these ppl around me that uses to ignore me. They start to talk to me, but then they suddenly stop! It is mostly on FB. I have cousins on FB who rarely talked to me (two of them deleted me!). I am gosh I am their family how come they dont care for their own blood? And I gave them the same treatment they gave me. If they ignored, I ignored. I dont like being after them like… Read more »

Holly
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Holly

Reading this article makes me feel sad. This isn’t a problem for me so I guess that I’m just not feminine enough, just like I’m not pretty enough, clever enough, fun enough ect and it really hurts. It really hurts because deep down I just don’t feel enough and even if I did attract a good man I wouldn’t feel worthy anyway. Now I’ve done many things within my power to pick myself up when I only wanted to die deep down but I can’t change the DNA that I made of. I feel like when I’m on the feminine… Read more »

Katrina
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Katrina

Finally!! I can use my dominate side- my masculine side… lol!!! As I am learning to be more feminine. I absolutely LOVED this article because as “masculine” as I have been and am I never dreamed of eliminating I wasted too much time on holding onto even the looser’s which slowed me down from meeting a potential winner. LOVED! LOVED! LOVED! this article and thanks so much for helping me to discover my feminine goddess… Never knew I was one… With love, Simply~me <3

Gemini
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Gemini

I agree! It is hard to eliminate a man, but you have to do it, otherwise you will waste your time and then a relationship won’t work anyway and he will eliminate himself and hurt you. If a guy is wrong for you, all will go wrong, because it won’t be a positive energy between you both.
Friends are the same way, if the energy is bad, they should be out of your life, but we may distant them from us without complete elimination.

Janey Shepherd
Guest

Great article. In the past I have definitely found it hard to let go. Changes ahead, though; no looking back. This feels great.

Currently I feel like I may have found someone worth holding onto, though; we have had our ups and downs but because of your blog, I have learned a lot about men as well as myself. I feel optimistic.

jennifer lou
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jennifer lou

Great article

cynthia
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cynthia

I totally agree that elimination is one aspect a woman should possess. A lot of us tend to hang on to men who have been good to us but not necessarily good for us. The masculine skill of elimination is a must have for every feminine woman who desires a beautiful relationship and life style with men.

Anyeh
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Anyeh

Hi Renee, thank you for a great article. It is true that we women tend to hang on to everything. I agree that it’ll benefit us when we have the skill of elimination. I’d also like to add this. I think women need to have this one masculine skill: the art of detachment and or letting go. When feminine women get hurt and upset in relationship, we tend to dramatize everything and hang on to our hurting feelings. we might tell our men with the “i feel” statement, but if we women go on and on, talking through our feelings… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Hi Anyeh, thanks for adding this valuable piece to everyone reading. And absolutely – we need this versatility! It’s great to be attached, but we don’t want to be a constant sap droning on forever. And we also don’t want to be completely detached, unless perhaps we are more masculine at our core – even then,masculine men enjoy attachment to right woman anyway. Balance and practice is key. Going through life, we have lots of opportunities to practice this, and to learn when it’s appropriate for us personally to just let go, move on and yes, detach. It’s also a… Read more »

Arabella
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Arabella

I agree with this, and tend to do it myself. More practice for me 😉

Chanel
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Chanel

This is such a good post Renee. Just because a guy is there and promising me the world does not mean he is the one for me. Being feminine definitely expands your choices, and cutting the bad ones loose comes with the territory. It is not easy though. I actually had to let a man down last week. He was just SOO negative. I’d tell him I was going for my daily jog, and he’d comment on how much he hated running. I’d mention I was having salmon for lunch, and he’d say he hated seafood. I’d say I was… Read more »

Renee Wade
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Renee Wade

Chanel, don’t be ashamed, be proud! You are making the right decision for you. Why waste your time and his if it’s clear that you don’t feel that he’s right for you?

That would feel stifling, to share what you are up to and then to have him respond that way! You want someone who can open you, and enjoy that you have that kind of passion in life.

– Renee. xoxox

teri
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teri

Yes, what you say is smart. And we have only finite amounts of time and energy. But for a feminine (sensitive) woman, it is hard to do. It is simply hard to hurt others if that is the effect your eliminating them will likely have. Not everyone you eliminate will be hurt – some will be more angry than hurt. I guess still hurt deep down. I always end up thinking… what if that were me, or my child – would I want them to feel hurt like that? I know, a real sap.

Renee Wade
Guest
Renee Wade

Hi Teri! Hard to do indeed 🙂 however, the answer to your woes is to know and accept that men are men, and don’t need you to take care of their feelings. As a woman, we project our wants on to men, thinking tjat we need to take care of their emotions, as we want from THEM. Yet – That’s not our job, only when you have developed a committed relationship – and even then, it is hardly ever our job to take care of a man’s feelings!

VolleyGilrl
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VolleyGilrl

I never even thought about the elimination process until recently. With your advice, I have been able to think about in great detail my mistakes and rectify them. Now that I know what I want is easier to see a certain guy would fit the bill. I don’t feel as bad as saying no, because I’m doing us both a favour in terms of wasted time. If I know things will not work, there’s no point in getting together, just because he seems interested. Previously if anything, I was always the one being eliminated. And the thing is, the guys… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest
Renee Wade

VolleyGirl! Hey! It’s nice to hear from you. Thanks for bringing a fresh perspective from a genuine and thoughtful place. I’m smiling as I read your comment, as I know you’ve been a reader for a long time and you’ve only been showing more and more growth and progress in your love life. And your life in general. I believe you already know how you can benefit from eliminating the wrong types of men for you, and I’m glad, because we need this skill. As feminine creatures, being too one dimensional and not tapping in to a bit of masculine… Read more »

Ashley
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Ashley

Alison, I agree with you. Nothing wrong with the real you. For me, bringing the best self (whatever that is) is the recipe for disillusionment and dissapointment.Besides, you are already your best self, a combination of both good and bad qualities, like two sides of the same coin. Let’s say that you are a laid back person, which is a good quality, but you may also have shadowier sides like being a bit childish, messy etc. which is connected to your laid back attitude (who cares about the socks, right?). Let’s say you are incredibly meticoulous and neat ; but… Read more »

Gaella
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Gaella

Ashley, Thank you for your comments. I’d never thought about the shadow sides of messy/childish types and “neat freaks.” This helps me. All the best to you.

Donna
Guest
Donna

Hi Renee, Great post, thanks for the advice – it’s definitely something that I need to work on. However, eliminating friends seems very difficult to me – generally, I try to let friends know that I have a problem with something they’ve done (in a polite, nice way), and if that doesn’t work I try to let the friendship drift apart. I have a question for you, Renee, and it’s something that I really need help with: often, I’ll be approached by men when out in public places (waiting in a queue, the library, at a bus stop . .… Read more »

Renee Wade
Guest
Renee Wade

Hi Donna 🙂 Thanks for the interesting questions. I smiled when I read that you try to let the friendship drift apart. I have also done this – it feels better to let it drift rather than outwardly eliminating a friend. Friends though, are different to romantic partners. With men, there’s the possibility of losing precious potential family building time, baby making time in a woman’s timeline. Leaving family and marriage (if you want marriage) too late is not a good idea, at the end of the day, reproductive success is still restricted for us females as we age in… Read more »

Iz
Guest
Iz

Hi Donna,
I know how you feel about turning away unwanted attention. For the longest time I did not have the right words to do so, and i disliked those sticky situations. Would you be comfortable saying something like that, or your own variation of :

“You seem like a nice guy and I am flattered you take an interest in me, however, I am not interested in speaking with you right now.” Thank you though, and walk away if you can or turn away with your body language if you cannot walk away.

Lisa S Joseph
Guest

was marriec for 20Great yrs befor Hubby passed on Perfect advice for Me at 48yrs old to follow At this present stage of Life Ya see . Knowing it & doing it Are 2 Different things .I just shoukd be & want to lead a heathy Life Now here goes …I’ve been keeping company with a Man actually for 4yrs It seems like Last resort booty for him or convnient for him. Being honest I txt him he better nvr give me a disease butI’ve never dumped him I figured keep him around until I find Mr right. for me… Read more »

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