Why won’t he commit to me?

Article updated 2018

Many women ask this question. This article will give you a guy’s perspective on why some men find it hard to, or don’t want to commit.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

First of all, let me ask you a few questions:

Would you love to commit to a $2,000 a month mortgage?

Would you love to commit to taking the trash out every week?

Would you love to commit to doing the dish washing every single day?

In all the above questions, the word commit has a very obligatory undertone. It almost feels like committing to something that would mean that we are obligated to do something and we would therefore have to surrender our own freedom.

The word commitment almost has a feel of “I don’t really want to do this, but I have to, or I should but it’s not going to be the most pleasant experience.”

Got to do Something Vs GET to do Something

Feeling like you’re obligated to do something never feels that good. Life is a lot more fun when you get to do something, not when you got to do something! Men know this subconsciously.

One of the biggest desires for men, regardless of tradition or culture, is freedom. The Masculine energy strives to break free and experience freedom. It wants release from the constraints of life. 

Some men fight for their whole lives for freedom, and to experience freedom. Usually once they find that sense of freedom, they would never let it go. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Obligation murders freedom

When we love to do something, it is never an obligation. You don’t ever hear men complaining about going to golf – but work is a different matter. More people die on Monday mornings at 9am than any other time in the week. Coincidence?

Tell me ladies, is it easy or hard to commit to a shopping spree?

What about committing to washing the dishes every day? Is there a difference?

What does it really mean for a man to commit to a woman?

From a man’s perspective, he would have to buy stuff for you, spend lots of money, (it’s not so bad if he’s got the money to spend, but if he doesn’t…), spend time with you listening to all the good and bad stuff that you have to say, spend time when you request his presence etc.

From his perspective, he will have to fork out all these resources, so the question he will ask, (consciously or subconsciously), is whether you are worth all this or not. Some men just don’t want to deal with the excess baggage that women sometimes carry. It doesn’t make the man feel good whilst being with you, and the last thing you want to create for him is a terrible association with you and the thought of you.

It all goes back to men and their desire to feel free. So while you’re reading this, and feeling that perhaps men are not willing to GROW UP, just remember, it has nothing to do with growing up. It is men’s desire for freedom. If they didn’t desire it, they wouldn’t be men, and you wouldn’t feel attraction for them in the first place.

The point is; if you want a man to commit, if you want a passionate, happy long-lasting  relationship, don’t ask for your man to commit. If you ask that of him, and he delivers this “commitment” even though he knows he will feel less freedom because of it, then you are taking away his masculinity and what makes you attracted to him in the first place.

By saying you’re taking that away, he’s really just surrendering it. What will happen after a while, is that, sure he’s around you more often, but you’ll have less attraction for him. You’ll have the security of his presence by your side, but you’re trading off the passion that you could create in the relationship.

There is NO commitment needed when you do the things you love to do. You just do it.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

The answer to the problem…

So instead of asking the question of why he will not commit, I suggest asking a better question.

Such as this…”How can I create more passion and attraction between him and me, so that he won’t want to be anywhere else?” or “How can I build up the excitement and tension between him and I so that he would feel like never going anywhere else?”

The power you have is in the attraction you can create between him and you.

A man already has so many responsibilities and obligations, as well as demands on him in life that if YOU can be his source of freedom, then being with you will never feel like an obligation because there’s so much passion between you.

It’s a horrible thing for a man to go to work and then come home to yet another obligation. I’m sure you sometimes feel the same, right?

If you created that passion and excitement between the both of you, he wouldn’t want to go anywhere else. You certainly won’t have a problem with him committing; he’d love to be around you.

And if you want to get more of an understanding of men and inspire him to commit fully to you, click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass.

See Article: Why He Pulls Away From Me and the Relationship?

And also: Why He Disappears and Withdraws? What Can I do about it?

What did you think of this article? Any opinion, thoughts, questions or objections, fire away!

email_polaroid

P.S. Connect with me on social media

227
Leave a Reply

avatar
102 Comment threads
125 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
131 Comment authors
DanJulieThDdevnetFay Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Julie
Guest
Julie

Damn! Now I feel like HE’S the obligation after reading your article! Horrible!

Jay
Guest
Jay

Great article, you hit the nail on the head.

Whats with all the random links at the bottom of the comment section???

Sirenbliss
Guest
Sirenbliss

Most of the men I have met are slimebags who just want to hit and quit it … really disgusting turds…. sorry but its true.

devnet
Guest
devnet

With an attitude like that, I am not surprised at your lack of success.Take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself: “If you were a man, would you take on a woman who thinks like that?” I think not. If you want to attract a good man – stop your childish, feminist whining and start acting like a good woman!

Kristina Pruett
Guest
Kristina Pruett

Plain and simple he wont comit because he thinks he can do better than you.He strings you along until he finds her. It painful I know but all this bringing out your feminine energy and giving space is bull shit. He still wont commit unless you are the absolute best he thinks he can get. So find someone who believes you are out of his league and youll hear wedding bells if you want them.

devnet
Guest
devnet

Sounds to me like the classic feminist courtship process, just hunt (sleep) around until you think you have the best you can get.
Unfortunately, this is often (almost half of all marriages) followed by keeping him until she is sick of him and then divorcing him and claiming child support for the next 18 years. (!)
Think about this, and you might appreciate the social environment the feminism has created for the male of the species in this day and age.

Ap
Guest
Ap

So…. what to do if a man states on day 1 he doesn’t want a relationship..? I would say… never go out with him anymore. . Do you agree?

devnet
Guest
devnet

OK, If he tells you that, he is being open and honest with you from the very start, which is good. He is declaring that he sees you as a friend – but nothing more. And that is fine – there has never been any law that says that males and females cannot be “just friends”. So enjoy the company, but don’t get serious; and certainly keep looking for “life-partner” material. But if he just wants to “hang-out”, enjoy your company and be good mates, then consider it a compliment, but not a commitment.
Have fun!

Dave
Guest
Dave

Men aren’t afraid of commitment, they are afraid of divorce and family court judges that impoverish men for the rest of their lives. Face it ladies, the feminist movement has succeeded in destroying marriage that they often refer to as patriarchal. Ironically, the wedding service is called matrimony and not patrimony.
You are reaping the benefits of what you asked for and you will slowly learn about the law of unintended consequence.
On the plus side, women should be celebrating their independence. Look at all the money you will save by not having to purchase wedding gowns.
As Powers Booth once said, bye.

DeltaPeng
Guest
DeltaPeng

For me, I’m trying to find a women I can respect and find real attraction for. And the ones I find interesting, don’t seem to give me a chance or the time of day, or respond to my messages (per online dating). Communication is high on my list, so that pretty much cuts them out of the list of potentials, but it’s a frustrating thing not even getting a chance or word back from so many people (whether it be people being too picky, or fearful, Idk). Per respect, perhaps my standards are too high, but I’ve been checking the… Read more »

beth
Guest
beth

Hey, I was wondering if you could help me out. I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. From the start he said he wasn’t interested in a “full on serious relationship” and at that stage I wasn’t either. He then told me 5 weeks ago that he had feelings for me but wasn’t ready to commit to them yet. I was intoxicated and my reaction was “okay we should stop sleeping together/talking etc.” Up until this point it had been really perfect and he always replies asap, initiates to hang out etc. After this conversation he came… Read more »

Jim Johnson
Guest
Jim Johnson

you messed up when you started having sex with him. From that point on, he viewed you as a useful piece of meat, that has little sense of conviction. The genie is out of the bottle. If you decide to stop having sex, then you only make matters worse by becoming a frigid slut, exactly the type of person that guys dread committing to. If you were willing to have sex early on in your relationship, what would convince him that you would not be willing to do that with someone else later on in your relationship? Guys like the… Read more »

Anna_Banana888
Guest
Anna_Banana888

Guys below are right – women below do not commit. I am one of them. I just love my freedom, my cat and my child. If man shows up on a horizon, he expects me to cater to him – to always be available for sex – 20 times a day, to make him sandwiches, to do his laundry, to clean his place. I just don’t get why I should make a sandwich for a guy, who has two hands and is not disabled, ok? And sex turns into a huge obligation with guilt trips and sarcastic remarks. Not to… Read more »

devnet
Guest
devnet

So, in other words – you are a user. You used some unfortunate guy, who you obviously had no love, affection, care or respect for, to give you a child, and then you dumped him because you are coldly thinking only of yourself. I bet you are getting child payments from him, too! That is the usual story. Then, to top it off, you repeat the usual feminist idiocy of generalising all men down to the lowest common denominator. You know, the one that probably best describes yourself. Thank goodness not all women think and act like you! In your… Read more »

Lisa
Guest
Lisa

Hi Renee I have been reading your articles for a couple months now. I feel like I am very open and loving to my well ex now. We just broke up because he told me he doesn’t see a future with me. He said there is no future because of cultural and religious differences. But he knew that we were different when we first met so why say that now? We were together for only 5 months but if that is the reason you are going to give someone you would know that after a couple of dates. He is… Read more »

ThD
Guest
ThD

Hello Lisa, I am afraid that your boyfriend is right. An harmonious marriage between a Christian and a Muslim would be a very difficult undertaking. This has always been the case, but in the light of modern events, it has probably never been more so than now. And on top of this there are also the cultural differences. You say that you have not always been a Muslim, I wonder what made you move in that direction? Also, how much do you actually know about your professed faith? For example, are you aware that Qur’an 2:221 and Qur’an 60:10 are… Read more »

Truth
Guest
Truth

Well many of us men Can, but it is the women that Won’t.

carol trevnio
Guest
carol trevnio

What do you think of a man who was completely interested in sex until we got married? It is so rare now, after only 3 months. He never gives any forplay, to me either. I feel like a total subservient, or I’m really bad at sex (altho previous experiences have told me I was pretty great before). I’m so sexually frustrated and tired of his lack of interest…I feel like this was a marriage of convenience and it doesn’t feel right. He truly a great loving man, just doesn’t seem interested in sex with me anymore. I don’t get it.… Read more »

ThD
Guest
ThD

Hello Carol. Sexual refusal, by either spouse, is unquestionably a violation of their marriage vows “To take, to have, to hold (all physical expressions of love), to love, to honour and to cherish (all emotional expressions of love)” and is therefore an act of unfaithfulness. There is no question about this, sexual refusal is just as much an act of unfaithfulness as is adultery (“at the exclusion of all others”). Do not ignore this situation. You must confront him about this situation and demand that he seek counselling. And sooner, not later. Certainly give him some time to change his… Read more »

Laticia W. Burgh
Guest

What’s up everyone, it’s my first visit at this web site, and post is actually fruitful for me, keep up posting these posts.

Luke
Guest
Luke

How about, why would he? Marriage for a man tends to entail horrendous expense (both during and after), constant criticism, etc. And, a man who marries commonly face a gradual shutdown of his sex life. Wives commonly go on sex strikes, and threaten him with loss of his children, all assets, and future income if he looks elsewhere for what his supposed “wife” doesn’t want with him. It’s as if a employer stopped paying you, but expected you to still work 8-5 M-F there, and threatened you with bankruptcy and jail if you went to work somewhere else. Unless a… Read more »

carol trevnio
Guest
carol trevnio

Do you think a man would marry a woman, because he cannot “have” the woman he truly loves, because she is already married? And yet still continues his exclusive “friendship” with the married woman, excluding and lying about [their] continual phone calls and encounters to his wife, so he “doesn’t want his wife to get upset?” But the evidence keeps surfacing and he is very “private” with the other woman; for instance whenever she calls him, he will leave the room to converse with her. Wife just learned that he has “lunch” with the other woman each Friday, never invites… Read more »

Inga
Guest
Inga

This article has some good points. However, I think it’s a bit too narrow. I am dating a guy and we have so much fun together, we laugh, joke, flirt, have great intimacy, and it felt lighthearted and playful. So on the surface it would seem that I am in the place this article says to be in. However, I also notice though he is in contact everyday via text, he really doesn’t allocate much time for me even though he is very complimentary and sweet with me, recently, he said he isn’t at a time in his life that… Read more »

mcharm
Guest
mcharm

Hi Inga, I’m far from an expert, but I have been studying ‘me’ in the past and ‘me’ now. I was in a 12 year relationship, in which the first two years were bliss, we did everything together, then we moved in together, had kids and everything went downward. So here I am two years after breaking up and dating again. Here is what I have examined in myself, I changed. The first two years were bliss simply because I was my own person and expected nothing from my ex, we spent 24/7 together because he naturally wanted too, there… Read more »

J.a. Ct
Guest
J.a. Ct

This is great advice and I will second it. I let my man know when I am going out alone. He respects my space and allows me to enjoy my personal time. I do the same for him. As much as I love him, I need to keep my own identity. Not only for my own personal growth but the health and growth of our relationship. This intensifies his want to be physically and emotionally close and share his life, Rare women who can love a man for all his short comings, do their best to understand him, support him… Read more »

Lenny25
Guest
Lenny25

You sounds exactly like my girlfriend.

Lenny25
Guest
Lenny25

Wow!! i’m 26 and this is actually the 1st time i’ve ever heard a woman take responsibility for a failed relationship. I’m in total awe of your honest. It’s takes wisdom to assess oneself. I really am impressed. Faith restored. thank you.

Ali
Guest
Ali

If all the guys a girl likes either won’t give her the time of day or will only sleep with her but not commit to her then she is going for guys that are out of her league and are just using her for sex

Lenny25
Guest
Lenny25

Ali you are on point with your analysis. In the long run women lose. trust me they eventually need a real man as the days get colder and the nights darker. invest in a real man in your young age so he will invest in you when your skin start shriveling. oh those days do finally come. there’re 40, 50 something women who go to bed alone every night because they made wrong choices earlier and thought that the world revolved around them. I’ve 20 years older women hit on me on the constant. it just saddens me.

DeltaPeng
Guest
DeltaPeng

Part of it is that a relationship takes two people. While I agree with the article that men would find women who are not controlling, more attractive, as the relationship grows then if the man wanted to commit to the woman in a deeper way it should become obvious over time. In the article the word ‘commitment’ was kind of painted in a bad light and I disagree with that. Commitment is good and should come naturally as people trust each other and the relationship grows. Trying to micromanage everything and not giving your partner room to breathe and be… Read more »

SarahElizabeth
Guest
SarahElizabeth

I just read this article and feel so much better about my relationship . I went through a horrible marriage that was a roller coaster and left me with a lot of circumstances that make me miserable like sharing my child and still having to remain connected to a man I cannot stand because he is mean and hurtful and unfortunately you never get privacy when divorced with children. But the relationship I am in now I do not want anything bad to happen ever and want to please him and keep him happy in every way and he do… Read more »

Pedro
Guest
Pedro

Renee, are you a guy? or has a guy to write these things for you? Because God damnit woman, you know what a man thinks, and at least so far, I’ve seen seen any biased opinions written by you

Coco
Guest
Coco

Hello I would love your opinion. There is a guy I’m deeply in love with but despite us having long conversations, amazing sex and chemistry it seems he doesn’t want to give up his fun lifestyle. He’s always on boys holidays or trips with his friends. We live 6 hours apart, and when we were dating he was stationed overseas which makes it harder and use to do the long distance and fly back and forth which just got to hard so we called it off. It’s now a year later and after not speaking for 6monthd we have started… Read more »

favour o
Guest
favour o

I LOVE THIS GUY AND IT DIFFICULT TO LET HIM GO THOUGH I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND TO LET D RELATIONSHIP SCCATER BECOS AM TIRED OF TRYING BUT I DISCOVERD THAT DESPITE EVERY THING I STILL LOVE THIS MAN VERY MUCH.AND HE REFUSES TO CALL OR TEX BUT WHEN I CALL OR TEX HE RESPOND.

Ali
Guest
Ali

Invite you to notice all the guys a girl likes as you either won’t give her the time of day to the point where will only sleep with her but not commit. she ponders and suddenly realizes as you are going for guys that are out of her league and are just using her for sex

Dan
Guest
Dan

That sounds a bit harsh and isn’t always the case. Anyways if you wanna read about some great date spots in a city near you check out https://worlddatingguides.com

Laura
Guest
Laura

Hi there, We know each other 6 months ago, talk to each other everyday, hang out 2 or 3 times per week. He talks to me about his plans and thoughts. Shares his life and talks to people about me even though I haven’t met his parents. We have made some plans together. We share intimacy, not very often but we do and he says we’re not dating and that nothing is going on between us. That he doesn’t want a relationship. I feel his committment but it is not nice hearing this from him. I decided to move away,… Read more »

Myview
Guest
Myview

Hi Laura, It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. It’s time for you to tell yourself that you deserve better. Tell your self this everyday and believe it “This is me Laura, in all of my splendor it does not get better than this” dump him! A real man who will worship and adore you and wants to FULLY commit to you will appear. It all starts from within you. Why will you settle for the crumbs this man is “offering” you. Is this the kind of “relationship” you want? If it is then… Read more »

chris60
Guest
chris60

What a fascinating perspective from a female writer… The assumption that men pay more in a relationship? Many women today work to support unemployed men. The assumption that a relationship is based on passion,,,aka sex or physical intimacy as the central component of a good relationship. While the emphasis is on providing great sex what happens to the pull for intimacy and the sense of loneliness that can develop when you seem to talk in different tongues? Commitment seems a natural progression once intimacy has been attained if a strong bond is to develop and both people feel compatible in… Read more »

Mona
Guest
Mona

Passion is so much more than sex.

Send this to a friend