You’re here because you’re wondering ‘why do I keep dreaming about my ex?’
Repetitive dreams about an ex usually do mean something, even if you dream about an ex years later.
Here’s what I’ve learned about dreams. They represent one of three things:
- Something that you need to process. (This could mean that you’re in the process of grieving, that you have unresolved emotions or events to process – yes, even years later).
- Something that you are trying to achieve or avoid (and your subconscious is pre-preparing you or rehearsing an action plan for you).
This can be something that you’re not consciously trying to achieve, but that your body is wanting for itself (more explanation on this soon).
It could also be something that you want to avoid in the future (for example, toxicity or some kind of bad treatment).
- You’re having a premonition (these are called precognitive dreams, which are, in simple terms, any dreams that give you information about the future you wouldn’t otherwise have. (An awful – but very real – example would be the dreams that many people have before disaster events, including events like 9/11)
In this article, we’re going to discuss:
- The 8 extraordinary reasons why you keep dreaming about your ex; and lastly
- The spiritual meaning of dreaming about your ex (with an incredible story that you must read if you want to understand the spiritual meaning of dreaming about your ex).
Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?
Here’s what’s interesting:
When you dream about an ex, your dream could mean something specific about them, but it doesn’t always have to.
Just because a specific person shows up in your dreams, doesn’t mean that the dream has to mean something specific about them, or that you want to achieve (or avoid) something with that specific person.
The person (your ex) could just be a symbol of what you want and don’t want.
Or your ex could be an “actor” in your rehearsal for achieving something real in your life.
So let’s get into answering what does it mean when you dream about your ex? And why do I keep dreaming about my ex?
Here are 10 Extraordinary Reasons Why You Keep Dreaming About Your Ex.
#1: You Want To Experience Romantic Love All Over Again
Falling in love is a precious experience. Especially in this age of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and short-term gratification.
In a world of swipers and grass is greener syndrome, it may even seem like an anomaly when a pair truly feels romantic love for each other, Romeo and Juliet style.
I’m not talking about infatuation here, or just having someone miss you a lot.
I’m talking about falling in love.
Falling in love, or forming a romantic pair bond is so precious that many people only experience it a handful of times in their life – if that.
Less if you count the times in which it was unrequited love.
Additionally, if your ex was your ‘first’ – you can never get that exact feeling of the ‘first’ back.
Because you were likely more innocent and had never felt romantic love before.
Perhaps you had romantic love with your ex, so you’re trying to get back to that experience.
And so you should!
Relationships that aren’t founded on romantic love or pair bonding naturally have less value in them, because these types of relationships are usually born out of convenience.
Falling in love gives you a feeling of being alive that nothing else can.
Perhaps you are craving that feeling; perhaps you’re nostalgic – or perhaps you just want a break from life’s responsibilities.
But let’s be clear:
It’s the feeling you’re after. It’s not necessarily your ex that you want to have this specific feeling with.
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#2: You Want Or Need More Connection In Your Life
You may well miss the connection you had with your ex.
Awkward, I know.
But look at it this way: no matter how toxic the relationship was with your ex, there were still moments in which you felt connected with them.
Perhaps you felt deeply understood by him or her.
Perhaps you guys had a lot of things in common.
Maybe in certain moments, your ex really ‘saw’ you.
It could be the little inside jokes that created a lovely “bubble” between you and your ex.
Is it possible that they praised you, whilst no one else praises you much now?
Or perhaps they gave you a feeling of acceptance that nobody else has come close to offering you.
Yet they’re still an ex.
They were still toxic.
You guys still didn’t – and couldn’t – work out.
Maybe the value in all of this lies in the fact that your ex showed you a feeling that is possible in this life, but not always plentiful.
And so you need to appreciate this feeling of connection when it comes along in the future, so that it can grow.
What you appreciate, grows.
If you can learn to appreciate these feelings of connection when they show up in the future, maybe you’ll become better at actively cultivating them in your relationships – so that you’ll never have to live without them again.
#3: You Are Trying To Get Revenge
So they did the wrong thing by you. How utterly horrible of them!
And even worse that you were not able to give them a taste of their own medicine.
Relationships feel vulnerable and risky even at the best of times, so if your ex wronged you, of course you want revenge.
Even if you deny that you want it, the anger is still there.
And perhaps that’s what this is about: unexpressed, unheard anger and pain.
If you had anger that you weren’t allowed to let out whilst being with your ex, then this could be one of the valid reasons why you keep dreaming about your ex.
Your subconscious mind, as well as your body, are trying to process the anger for you, so that you can finally be free to move onto your next relationship.
Your body and mind know that it’s not healthy to carry around feelings of anger or revenge, so it’s trying to ‘detox’ it or ‘act it out’ whilst you sleep.
If you wake up from a dream about getting revenge on your ex (or about your ex getting revenge on you), and you’re wondering ‘why do I keep dreaming about my ex?’
It could be that it’s time to get that revenge – or feel the anger and be free again.
But how would you get revenge on an ex so long after the fact?
You make a voodoo doll of your ex. It can be pretty cheap to do so.
Sounds harsh – but considering what they did to you, is it really that harsh? I mean, they don’t have to know about you doing this.
It’s for your healing.
Note: I don’t believe that actually putting pins through your ex’s eyes on a voodoo doll will cause him to have glaucoma or optic neuritis, but it will certainly give you satisfaction in private.
Ok so maybe that seems a bit too time consuming or ridiculous to you.
Instead you could just relive what your ex did to you, picture their face, and throw pillows at your couch (which will act as an inert stand-in for your ex).
Perhaps pillows aren’t the right tool for letting out your anger. So maybe not pillows, but knives and forks? (I’m kidding!)
#4: Evolution Wants You To Achieve Certain Mating Goals
…(That you may not actually want to achieve in real life).
Maybe you’re ovulating and your body is trying to get you to reproduce.
If you’re a guy, maybe you had amazing sexual experiences with your ex that left you feeling…..satisfied.
I suppose “wet” dreams are a good example of this, especially since men and women can experience something of the sort.
If you haven’t had any sexual experiences for a while (or for some reason your sex drive has been suppressed or ignored), then maybe your body is trying to get you to accomplish what it’s here to do: reproduce.
Evolution – or biology – can be really annoying like that. If you don’t make time for it – it makes time for itself.
In your sleep.
Despite the fact that you know you’d never sleep with your ex again (even if they were the last available person on earth), evolution still wants you to reproduce – or at the very least – have sex and experience an orgasm.
#5: You Are Trying To Process Unresolved Events Or Emotions
A lot of things happen in an intimate relationship. And as these things happen, other life events also happen.
Responsibilities happen as well, and they distract you from your emotions.
As a result, you didn’t have the chance to process unresolved emotions around old conflicts with an ex.
If you were together with an ex for a long time (years), and there was a conflict or a problem with them that kept repeating itself – yet never got resolved, this could be why you keep dreaming about your ex.
Whilst you were with your ex, perhaps you didn’t have the room to process or understand this conflict and move past it.
But a breakup gives you the room, or the space if you will, to finally process.
For example, you may dream about certain conflicts with your ex in order to help you come to new solutions so that you can be better prepared in your future relationships.
There are other factors that come under the option of your dreams being an invitation to process.
For example, maybe you didn’t actually allow yourself the time to grieve the breakup.
Perhaps you went straight to a rebound relationship and never did the hard yards of grieving and processing (so now you’re left with a backlog of emotional processing that your dreams are trying to accomplish for you).
You may have even dreamed about your ex dying or breaking up with you so that you can finally let go.
If you did something wrong by your ex, something deep inside of you knows about it, and won’t let you fully forget it.
Especially if your ex was generally good to you.
Yet even if they were not good to you – perhaps they also lied to you or cheated on you – that doesn’t change the fact that you still did what you feel is the wrong thing.
If you’re a human with a soul, it’s going to be hard to pretend that the guilt doesn’t exist, even though you tell yourself that you’ve let go of it.
But you cannot fully let go of guilt until you meet the emotion of guilt exactly where it’s at.
Your body and soul wants you to process the guilt and do better next time. Your subconscious mind is trying to look after you, so that you don’t lose a quality future relationship.
We all mess up.
Some more than others, but even if you’re in that ‘some more than others’ basket, it’s only by acknowledging the guilt and letting it guide you towards better decisions that you will no longer be in that basket.
If you’re having trouble understanding how to function in a relationship, or how to move forward in your love life in a healthy way, I suggest you start with familiarising yourself with what is healthy and what is not.
#7: You Didn’t Really Like ‘Losing’ Your Ex
Here’s something that may be hard to accept, but it’s nonetheless true.
No matter how toxic your ex was, and no matter how much you know that and feel that – your body still knows that you ‘lost’ them.
You lost some fun moments, beautiful moments, perhaps some sexy moments.
And you may have also lost some silly or goofy moments that you can never get back with anyone else.
Because each person is unique.
But does that mean your ex still has value in your life? Does it mean that you need to get back with them?
It just means that you’re human, and many of us don’t really like to lose someone who has offered us value in our lives.
Sometimes even if your ex was (is) highly toxic, a part of us still doesn’t want to fully let go and fully lose them. Because we were invested in them, and we were attached to them.
That loss may not be a problem for you if you’re truly indifferent to your ex now.
But if there’s still a tiny part of you that’s holding on to your ex, then your dreams may be living out that pain of loss.
If you have anxious attachment style, then this could even be harder for you. You will have to learn to self soothe with these 2 simple steps.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Is It Time To Let Go?
Alternatively, your dreams could be giving you a leg up to finally acknowledging that you have to let go.
Your ex may be toxic, but breaking up is still a type of loss.
Maybe losing your ex is not the real loss.
Instead, perhaps this is more about your resistance to losing the comfort of having someone around. You don’t want to lose comfort and surrender to the pain of detachment.
Maybe it’s about you losing the ‘right’ to avoid pain and grief, because you’re now forced to emotionally process everything and move forward.
One more thing about loss:
Humans like to keep people around as a back-up option.
Yes, humans keep ‘back-ups’. Not all of us of course, but it’s definitely a behaviour that exists within us humans. (Especially if we are scared and assume a new relationship will also fail).
Back-ups are an assurance that we will have other mating opportunities as well as opportunities for company and connection.
So you really have to decide whether you want to keep your ex as a possible backup option or not.
You MUST make a choice.
It may seem like it serves you to try to keep them around in the background somewhere – but would it serve your new love life moving forward?
And how would your new partner feel about it?
Now onto to final possible answer for why do I keep dreaming about my ex?
#8: You Are Trying to Avoid Future Trauma
Why do you keep dreaming about your ex?
Maybe you have a lot of trauma that you need to process from your relationship with your ex. This falls into the “you have something you need to process” category as well as the “you have something you need to avoid” category.
If you indeed have a lot of trauma with your ex, then you have probably numbed it to some extent.
This numbness won’t serve you moving forward with someone new though. It’s possible that your body knows this without you consciously knowing it.
As such, perhaps your body is processing it for you and in the process, helping you cement your resolve to NEVER enter a relationship where that kind of trauma is possible ever again.
Our interview with Michaela Boehm may give you some insights on how this trauma affects your life and how you can heal from it.
Now let’s figure out the spiritual meaning of dreaming about your ex.
What Spiritual Meanings Could There Be When You Dream Of An Ex?
If you’re wondering why you keep dreaming about your ex and whether there is a spiritual or even a supernatural meaning to your dreams, the answer is – yes there could be.
First let’s define spiritual, so that we’re on the same page. Spiritual means:
“Of or relating to supernatural beings or phenomena; relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.”
And a simple definition:
Relating to deep feelings and beliefs, especially religious beliefs.
So what does this mean in the context of dreaming about an ex repeatedly?
This means that dreaming about your ex could be the universe is sending you a message.
What kind of message?
A message that you receive from the universal cloud of available information that travels from one person to another, or from the future to the past (ie: you).
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What Is The Spiritual Meaning Of Dreaming About Your Ex?
There are 2 main spiritual meanings of dreaming about your ex:
- You’re having a premonition or experiencing a synchronicity.
- Your soul is telling you to process and grieve (which we already covered in the 8 reasons above).
Experiencing a premonition or a synchronicity is a less common reason for dreaming about your ex, but nonetheless possible.
What Kind Of Dreams about An Ex Involve Synchronicity Or Premonitions?
Premonitions are pretty straightforward – basically it’s a strong message that is sent to you in your sleep. If it’s a premonition, they are usually powerful, vivid dreams which give you a warning about something bad that’s going to happen in the future.
The defining factor in a premonition dream is that you will wake up with this unexplainable feeling that something ominous is about to occur.
Regarding dreams that involve synchronicity, these are dreams that you have that connect you and your ex to certain events (sometimes at the same time, sometimes not) that cannot be seen with the naked eye.
But what is synchronicity exactly?
Synchronicity refers to the idea that the fabrics of the universe are connected in a way that we can’t quite connect or understand in the material world.
It has been said that Carl Jung used synchronicity to refer to a meaningful coincidence of an outer event with an individual’s inner state in which there is no apparent causal relationship.
So how might your dreams involve synchronicity or premonitions?
- Maybe you dreamed about randomly running into your ex at an old place you frequented together.
- Maybe you dreamed about your ex getting married or seeing someone else.
- Maybe you dreamed about something bad happening to you ex.
- There’s also a possibility that you and your ex had unfinished business. Unfortunately, perhaps external forces got in the way and you could just not be together. In this case, it’s possible to keep dreaming about your ex years later – even after you’ve lost all romantic feelings for them.
Bottom line is:
Synchronicities are hard to explain – instead they need to be experienced and that experience shared with people around you.
But maybe some version of the events involving your ex in your dreams will happen in real life.
You may not believe in premonitions or synchronicities. I don’t blame you. If you’ve never experienced anything of the sort, you would naturally be skeptical.
Nonetheless, our thoughts and our emotions are powerful.
Our deepest yearnings & desires move beyond the 3 dimensional space we are familiar with.
In fact, it was my husband who had an astonishing synchronicity dream related to an old (mutual) crush who wrote:
“Our deepest yearnings and desires travel beyond spacetime and somehow interact with the very fabric of the universe.
(Just google Dean Radin’s synchronicity story, he’s a leading researcher in this field.)
Through Dean Radin’s work, I’ve come to learn that premonitions and synchronicities are scientifically proven to exist and the effects amplified with intensity of emotions.”
Have a read of his incredible synchronicity dream of an old crush below….
But make sure you read until the end. If you don’t, you will miss out on the full impact and gift of this beautiful story, which may help you understand and appreciate your own dreams.
I hope this answers your question regarding what is the spiritual meaning of dreaming about your ex.
There’s a lot that us humans cannot directly understand or explain just yet. But just because we cannot explain them, doesn’t mean that we aren’t actively experiencing them.
Synchronicities are one of these spiritual experiences that us humans have the gift of encountering.
What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex? Final Thoughts
Lastly, on top of asking why you keep dreaming about your ex, I’d suggest that you appreciate your dreams. Even if you wake up from them feeling shaken and disturbed.
They are doing important work and processing for you. They are standing up for the emotions that you may have abandoned.
They may also just be helping you make better decisions or achieve new things in your life.
Who knows, they may also be telling you something you need to know for the future.
Best of luck with your future and with moving forward in your life.
Have you had any premonitions or crazy dreams about your ex that were telling you something important? Please leave me a comment below.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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