We live in a politically correct world right? In other words, it doesn’t matter how soon you sleep with a man, right? Wrong.

But, not for the reasons you think. Not because men have double standards. But for your happiness and relationship success. (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

Men will ‘categorize’ women in to either one of two categories, whether we like it or not. They still do it. You are either a ‘just for a good time’ girl, or wife material. This doesn’t mean that men are right, or that this is a good way or categorizing women; it’s just what commonly happens, on a surface level, and you need to be aware of it.

Pre-framing your relationship with a Man

And, the sooner you sleep with a man without building ATTRACTION first, the harder it is going to be to develop a committed relationship with him. Why? Because the beginning stages of a relationship or courtship are when the FUTURE of a relationship is pre-framed. (Click here to find out if you’re “Dating a Commitment Friendly Man” by completing this quiz)

What I mean is; if you sleep with a man early, it’s highly likely that he will only see you as someone he sleeps with, not someone he marries; and he might be more likely to keep expecting that. When it’s done, it’s hard to change the original ‘terms’ you created for the relationship at the start. There’s a reason for this, and it has to do with how men are built; how their brains are wired, but I won’t go in to that stuff here.

Is this fair? Not at all. It’s downright painful at times, for a woman to be in this position, or to make such a move and then find herself in a position she never intended to be in, but it’s how it is.

I don’t believe in holding back sex out of fear that he will run. That decision is coming from the totally wrong place. And more importantly, I don’t believe in feeling guilty over sleeping with a man too early. Neither of these two things are in the least bit relevant, or useful in your life. We’re aiming for happiness and passion in your love life, not feelings of guilt or just becoming overly controlling about what the “right” decision is.

So what is best for you as a woman, is to start off with awareness of how men think in this area, and then make the right decisions for your own life, through true awareness. (read my article about understanding men)

When it comes to men and your choice of when to sleep with a man, you need to be aware of only these two important things:

1) Men want to have sex, but what they actually NEED is to feel attraction. That is what they are looking for, underneath the many cries for sex, sex, sex.

So, sex is rarely what they really want. As a woman, its your job to remember that, for your own happiness, and not expect men to tell you that.

Because too many women do not know this, and then they don’t know what else to give a man, so they feel pressured to have sex with him (which they do), and then the man leaves, which is very hurtful the day after, when you are left feeling used.

2) If there is not enough attraction between you and a man, he will be more likely to push for sex, and with much more urgency.

If you want to be a High Value, High Status woman, you need to realize that if you are not focusing on building attraction with men, you will find yourself having slept with men, but most of them would have run; only because there was not enough attraction. (Click here to learn what are the 17 Attraction Triggers)

Is the Question: How Soon is too soon to sleep with a man?

To be frank: the question is not WHEN should you sleep with a man, or how SOON is too soon to sleep with a man. The question is: how much attraction is there between you and the man that you are dating?

That’s the simple secret to men: Attraction. It’s not sex. After all, if it was sex, why would men actually turn DOWN offers of sex from hookers? I was recently in Singapore, and mistakenly ended up in a hotel in the red light district after a mistake in booking a hotel (a long story) and to my dismay, for the two nights I was there, every morning and evening I would look out the window, and witness many young women approaching men with offers of sex (at a price of course), and a majority of men turned down the offers for sex.

Most single men can afford a night with a hooker, especially in parts of Asia where I was, yet I personally witnessed one man after another, turning young women’s offers for sex away. (read my article about the side effects of birth control pill)

Men must just want sex, right?

No.

Men want to feel attraction.

What if YOU want casual sex with a man?

So, what if YOU just want to sleep with a man, you ask? Well, that’s up to you. That’s your decision. Perhaps, if you have already decided that a man is not marriage material, that you want to just have casual sex with him. That’s your choice. But you DO have to be aware that, even though this might seem safe and convenient, what you are doing, effectively, is tarnishing your own ‘associations’ with sex by settling for what’s comfortable and convenient at the time. A 5/10 experience.

At our core, what we want, is not just some sex, or just a good time. We want something deeper, something infinitely passionate, something that makes us feel alive. The longer you go with just a sex friend, rather than opening your heart and being vulnerable to the right man, and the longer you have sex with someone you are NOT passionate about and would NOT die for, the more you imprint associations in to your brain of mediocre, ‘ok’, experiences, and that in turn effects the energy that you put out in to the world, to another man who may be worth spending the rest of your life with. (read my article about how to make a guy want you)

So what is the solution?

This is the solution: keep your focus where it benefits you and your future relationship the most: focus on creating attraction with men.  Then, everything else will fall in place naturally, and it will all feel ‘right’ to you.

Become that woman who is irresistibly attractive, playful, fun and fascinating, so that men are more interested in committing themselves to you than just having sex with you.

The situation is right when a man is compelled to keep contacting you even when you haven’t had sex.

And this is ESPECIALLY true for a man whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Attraction is the truly valuable experience that a man wants, not just sex. If you want to become an expert at doing that with men, click here to join Attraction Control Monthly also learn about the 17 Attraction Triggers.

Attraction and passion FIRST; then sex. Once there is enough attraction, sex will happen at the right time completely NATURALLY, without you having to beat yourself up with guilt over ‘sleeping with him too soon’ or laying awake at night wondering when is the ‘right’ time. It’s for your own future and benefit.

And when you prioritize the feelings of Attraction between you and a man, you let the tension build up slowly, and everything will be a much better experience for both of you.

Now over to you: what are your thoughts on sex with men? How soon is too soon and what recommendations do you have for other women who are unsure about when they should and shouldn’t have sex with a man?

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Goofypig
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Goofypig

I believe that to soon can be a problem. That being said what is to keep him interested. To many men have lots to pick from. I am a man who can get laid most anytime I want. I want a woman with substance and meaning. She needs to respect herself and feel whole in who she is. When the time is right you will both know. The man needs to know who he is as well. Good luck to me and everyone who wants a meaningful lasting relationship.

Jim Johnson
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Jim Johnson

As men, we need to revisit the traditional dating practices of generations past. Not the beta female worship standards of the 70’s to present, but before then. 1) No sex prior to marriage or at least a serious LTR. If she wants to be a slut, she is not worth your time or mental anxiety. With sex comes emotional baggage, unless you become detached and develop a “pump them and dump them” attitude. Women develop the 1000 cock stare and become cold, calculating, and heartless. If you do so, any decent girl will respect your self control and will become… Read more »

holly patterson
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holly patterson

This is a great article it was very useful to me. Thanks

Yu.vi
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Yu.vi

I’`ve got a question. I’ve read Renee’s and her husband’s blog and they take Maggie (Anne Hathaway) from Love and Other Drugs as an example of a “special” high value woman who inspires this womanizer kind of guy (Jake Gyllenhall) to want to commit to her. Well, I don’t get it. I saw the move and the relationship starts with a date and immediate sex. She also says that she’s isn’t looking for anything serious. What kind of attraction is supposed to be there? The 17 attraction triggers are pretty much about “reproductive value” (which is physical) and confidence. So… Read more »

Juan Bautista
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Juan Bautista

easyness does not exist. women use it to attack other women,we re human beings,did you consider how men never get compliments? cause forcing a man to wait for long time it doesnt prove your worthyness to him,the only think you re telling to the guy is “i dont know if you re good enough” take your heads out of your asses girls,what waiting is, is a silent insult to the man,since he knows you dont do such thing EVERY SINGLE TIME so there are boys you like,and boys you LIKE,and you re telling the guy you re in the group… Read more »

J.a. Ct
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J.a. Ct

This is one of best articles I’ve read in a long time. It is a thought provoking piece that provides views from both genders. Yet, the piece highlights that women are empowered in such a situation. Much to think about.

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

If a man is going to categorize me into booty call material for sleeping with him early on, then he is not husband material. I would NEVER marry a man who treats women like that.

Me
Guest
Me

Ive been dating a guy for 2 1/2 months. We had sex after 4 weeks. He says not ready for a serious relationship or exclusiveness. He is very attentive and we go on dates that dont end with sex. But he goes out on dates with other women…

S F
Guest
S F

You gave him beautiful piece of you and he’s out looking for something better. Adios!!!

Yisel Amores
Guest
Yisel Amores

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong time to sleep with a man I had two long term relationships that came from a one night stand, I think that the attraction and the chemistry between you two is what make a difference in if he want to see you again or not

Viki Samoja
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Viki Samoja

Here is why men run after sex, as Owen Cook (aka Tyler Durden) once explained, most women are not aware that after sex men have a “moment of clarity”, their male hormones are completelly supressed and they are able to examine situation objectively. If you are low value he will notice, maybe for the first time, and if there is no other reason to stick around other then sex, well he’s outa there.

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

He chose to sleep with you early on yet he’s going to decide a woman is low value based o limited information (he hasn’t even given enough time to tell)? Fuck him! This has nothing to do with hormones. He’s just a douche.

Aurora Michelina
Guest
Aurora Michelina

There’s no such thing as this moment of clarity LMFAO!

Viki Samoja
Guest
Viki Samoja

And you would know, you were a man in the last life right, verpiss dich.

Alicia
Guest
Alicia

with men I tried everything, and anything, men just will not tell you what they want, lately, men have so many choices, they will even hurt any girl regardless of what cultural rightness says Men have too many choices and plainly don’t care if they hurt or not. They drink a beer and they think they are in heaven with anyone, I gave up on thinking positive about relationships. I know the one for me is out there, and he will find me, I don’t have time to find him. He will know who and where I am, I don’t… Read more »

romeo
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romeo

If you buy french vanilla ice cream and put it in the freezer don’t expect it to magically change into strawberry tomorrow. Act and dress for the kind of relationship you want to have. Don’t market yourself one way and think he is going to look at you differently. If you dress and act as a hooker to attract him, that is, frequent pubs/clubs, high heels, high hem lines, advertising cleavage, tight clothes, mask of makeup, tattoos, and excessive scent to cover the smell of other men then expect him to treat you as one. Only in the lies of… Read more »

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Eww. I stopped reading before halfway. You are disgustingly judgmental.

Raygirl
Guest
Raygirl

Even women who dress and act that way get men who cheat? It is definitely not all in the woman’s court. Men want a lady in the street and somehow they expect the “lady” to be a freak. Well, guess what you can’t have it both ways. Women want an exciting and fun-loving man in their lives, yet they want him to be loyal. In life, what you wear cannot keep a person that wants to do what they want to do. Yeah, you can’t change a man, neither can you change a woman. The main thing to do for… Read more »

nomad100
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nomad100

Dude, you are vastly insecure. Why don’t you just dress her up in a burka?! It’s obvious you can’t handle anyone looking at your woman because of your issue not hers. Honestly, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman no matter what she wears and if someone looks then let them. The point is that she’s with you, she chose you. So feel good about that. Feel proud of that. But the moment you try to stop her from being her out of your own fear, well then that’s the beginning of the end of your relationship. Or it will… Read more »

TElle
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TElle

I’m just honestly at the point where I refuse to even think about sex until AFTER the contracts are signed & he has but his name on the dotted line. & my contract I mean a ring, & a ceremony. I don’t believe in wondering when the perfect time is at all, the perfect timing is when he is ready to go through with becoming one with me & that’s not even good enough, he has to go through with it. & if a guy leaves after knowing that’s what it requires to sleep with me, then GOOD! He wasn’t… Read more »

Viki Samoja
Guest
Viki Samoja

ANd so you will remain alone, because men are not fools either, if you will not commit to him he will not commit to you, you are treating sex as a boon, something you give in exchange for something else (marriage) how is that differend from prostitution?

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Thank you! I’ve always said that saved virginity is the biggest form of prostitution.

Raygirl
Guest
Raygirl

Nothing is wrong with prostitution. They get paid. I think she is right to keep her standards and be herself. It saves time for her and the men who are looking for a booty call. Now, I’m the complete opposite. I’ve never been faithful or committal. And guess what? I’m a woman. But I’m going to tell a man before he gets with me that I’m not that kind of woman. At least by keeping your standards, you avoid getting with someone that you are not happy with in the long run. Its good for her (and him). If she… Read more »

Joe
Guest
Joe

Guy here… Forget the guy who don’t appreciate your and what you put out. If the guy wasn’t ready for a relationship and lacks the tact to express it, he still is not the guy for you, move on. Guys are definitely looking for high value women and this is demonstrated in a number of ways. Any man worth his salt will recognise the positive in the woman such as her generosity, kindness, honesty and vulnerability. The same man that is worth anything will recognise the negative such as manipulation and general bs. This gets magnified when it comes to… Read more »

Stacy
Guest
Stacy

I think that I’ve had this problem. I slept with someone who was pretty interesting, however I was too available and too attached therefore he saw me as “low quality”. I don’t think of myself in this way, but its hard to forget that men and women alike judge women harshly for their sexual behavior. I think slut-shaming is bad, but if that’s the way the world works, I’d prefer to be seen as “high quality”. The important thing is that no matter what I do, I feel confident in who I am and what I do, but in the… Read more »

Raygirl
Guest
Raygirl

Don’t change who you are, just get with people that appreciate you for you. Be honest with the kind of relationship you want and communicate that to him before you sleep with him. Ask him what kind of relationship he expects from you and tell him to be straight up about it. Tell him what you expect. Honesty, and making him feel comfortable with being honest is key. The world will never be satisfied with you, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so if he dropped you after having sex with you once, it is not going to… Read more »

Juliette
Guest
Juliette

The thing about attraction is right, I had times when dated for weeks before having sex, and it was a awful when it happened. And there been man I slept on a first date, and it was fab, and we been together for long. If you are tight for each other, and enjoy sex, share fantasies together, than time is not a factor, joy is.

romeo
Guest
romeo

It is quite popular these days to teach females to think of their body’s as toys to be taken out and played with. And many females comply with the teaching!

Bars, nightclubs, dating sites, and mega-concerts couldn’t exist without them. Hope to see you soon.

Raygirl
Guest
Raygirl

Actually, most women are sexually repressive and are taught that they should be married before having sex with ONE man. Times are changing, making women more aware that they do not have to settle with one man and can also enjoy a variety.

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Romeo is an internet TROLL!

rawr
Guest
rawr

you forgot to mention that men don’t want to marry sluts. if a woman is so out of touch with her femininity that she has many sexual partners just for fun, or without expecting marriage and a family, that tells a man that she is low value, toxic, and probably not capable of appreciating a quality man. sorry ladies, your past does matter, in fact it’s the probably the first thing men look at.

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

The same applies to men. Women don’t want to marry male whores either. Your past matters as well. The reason most females do what males do is because they figure if a man can do it, a woman can too. Sometimes it takes the script to be flipped for men to realize that what you do to a woman will come back to you ten-fold.

romeo
Guest
romeo

Relax and enjoy presenting your viewpoint, there’s no need to be so edgy and aggressive. jawr: Men almost never look at a woman’s past. Primarily because he has no way to know. Most women don’t notch their belts for each sex partner. But I do agree that few men want a woman that behaves as if it is her duty to give pleasure to the entire community. Jessica: Agreed, low grade men are just as bad. Men seeking to spread their wild oats are quite disgusting. However females trying to be males is a guaranteed way to end the relation.… Read more »

Jessica
Guest
Jessica

Thanks Romeo. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one who looks at things from both sides. In short, men and women have caused anger, hatred and resentment to each other. That’s what happens when the sexes battle each other.

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Internet TROLL you are.

WBOTB
Guest
WBOTB

Where do you get off stating that how many sexual partners is what constitutes a woman’s femininity, as if the opposite, masculinity would mean lots of sexual partners? If you go around banging lots of women, guess what! You don’t get to be with a woman who has had a small amount of sex partners. Check your damn privilege!

Raygirl
Guest
Raygirl

Women don’t want to marry sluts either. The difference is some men are good at pretending they are not. A man that has slept around is also low value (unless he has money) because women want loyalty. Women call them “dogs” who lick out of the toilet. People can call me a slut because I like having open sexual relationships but I have no need to commit. Yet, every man I have gotten with has wanted more. I cut off ties with them. 😛 Why should women be the ones that need to value a man? A man needs to… Read more »

Aurora Michelina
Guest
Aurora Michelina

Women don’t want male whores either, but what does having lots of male partners have to do with being feminine or masculine? All it means is that she likes to sleep around. Although it’s not desirable for either sex (I don’t want no community dick) stop making it more than it is. There are plenty of women who are virgins and are very masculine. It’s very feminine for women to desire sex just as much as men.

Britney
Guest
Britney

Same here Sue. I didn’t enjoy sex with my partner because he wasn’t good. I could orgasm if I masturbated, but not with him. I was also at a point were I was vulnerable and lonely and he also took advantage, constantly deceived me, and lied. I finally left him after all the cheating and I just can’t stop thinking of him. I’ve never contacted him since but he is always on my mind

-Brit

Elle
Guest
Elle

I have only been on three dates with a guy, but we went to a party together and i got too drunk and slept with him. I am aware that i shouldn’t have done that, and i have learned my lesson! He hasn’t talked to me much since. I may have turned him off by getting too drunk. He did look after me though which was nice.Are me and him finished now? i don’t know what to do except give him space…

soul sista
Guest

i have sex when i want to. if he leaves me, fuck it. i’m too old for this bullshit. there are plenty of men that want to spend time with me.

Karri
Guest
Karri

I agree, there is time in life when fuck the games, I have been in a sexless marriage for 5 years, I am single now and dammit I am horney! I don’t sleep around either, just want one guy but damn if they don’t all run….whatever

englishbob
Guest
englishbob

You sound sad.

Aurora Michelina
Guest
Aurora Michelina

Amen sista! If he’s gonna judge me then I can judge him right back and if he’s the type of guy to judge them he’s a pos.

ark itk
Guest

I love how you say that you don’t believe in holding out on sex out of the fear that the guy will run away. As a man, I know that what makes you stay or run is not how soon I have sex with a girl, but other far more significant factors, including the quality of the sex we have and especially how much I like the girl as a person otherwise. Femininity is surely one of the most attractive qualities sexually and in just about every other way. I wish you wrote an article about feminism, business women in… Read more »

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