Article updated 2018
Using words and names to benefit your relationships
There’s an old saying that my dearest Daddy used to tell me to exclaim to other children when I was teased: “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!”. Back then, this really worked, and really empowered me. As I grew up, I came to realize, like most people do – that – names or not, words DO HURT. The words you use have the power to create good energy in a situation, or to encourage bad energy in a situation. (Not to disrespect my Daddy, cause I love him, and as a child, these comebacks do go a long way when you’re trying to defend yourself against nasty kidlets)!
Women are experts at destroying with words. They’re especially good at emasculating and hurting a man with their words. They’re also experts at creating with words. It depends on the woman 🙂 Let’s take a look at a few examples. If I was talking about a certain body part of yours, and I used the word ‘ASS’ it would produce an entirely different reaction in you than if I used the word “bottom”. If I used the words ‘make love’, this is a whole lot different to the word ‘F***’. In fact, those two words entail two different acts/meanings. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)
Words and meaning
We all attach certain meanings to certain words, and you can use them to benefit your intimate relationship, or weaken your intimate relationship- or any relationship! If you use a word that you know that person will attach a different meaning to, you can instantly change their biochemistry – their state.
When it comes to your intimate relationship, being aware of the words you choose and the names you choose, is important. If you are feeling, for example, that you’d like your man to be more of a man/less soft and gentle, but don’t know how to tell him and don’t want to insult him or upset him, you could use the power of a different name to elicit a different response in him, and to encourage another side of him to show up.
If you normally call your man ‘honey’, that’s great, but what about ‘Tiger’? This is a whole lot different to ‘Bambino’ or ‘Snookie’ or ‘Bunny’. Actually, Bunny is quite funny. Especially funny for a guy!! 🙂
Again, what about ‘Boss’ as opposed to ‘Shnookums’? Or ‘Cupcake’ vs ‘Prince’.
I can tell you that, if you call your man The ‘Terminator’ with genuine intent and feeling, and you normally call him your ‘boy’ or your ‘sweetie’, he’s going to wonder what happened, and it will definitely change his state. If I call my man Terminator, he instantly gives me a massive grin and stands up straighter 🙂
What if you called him your ‘Hero’ rather than ‘gorgeous’? I’m not saying any nickname is wrong. I’m saying that your choice of names can change his STATE in almost a moment. It’s also how you say it. So, going up to him and saying ‘hey Tiger’ whilst looking away and chewing your cuticles won’t have the desired effect. Words plus intent = effect.
I don’t really like to call my man my ‘partner’, because this word could mean other things such as a business relationship, and not to mention it’s generic and very boring. It’s great to call him your Man rather than your boyfriend or your boy, as well, because this places him in a different role. A boyfriend is a boyfriend, a husband is a husband – but a MAN on the other hand (the word man) – implies a whole lot of other things. Everyone can have a ‘husband’ but not everyone can have a ‘man’. (Click here to take the quiz “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
Can you think of some associations you may have with the word ‘Man’ as opposed to ‘partner’?
Getting good at this sometimes takes a few goes as well. It’s not always easy to start with, but once you get more confident and comfortable with yourself, and don’t feel afraid encouraging him in to a different state, it’ll come so easily, it’s like you never had to try 🙂
Take also for example, if your man normally calls you honey, but instead called you his ‘hummingbird’ or his ‘baby girl’, wouldn’t that produce a different feeling in you?
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Nasty words and insults
But to divert away from names for a moment. We can often, in a heated moment – start saying nasty things. And he may do this to you, too (I’m not placing all the blame on women here). The problem with this is that, even if you do forgive each other, if you do say nasty, terrible things enough times (even if only a few times), you will start to build up that bad association within your partner. You need to build up positive associations with him if you are going to make it last. (read my article about how to make a man commit)
This is why it’s also fantastic to practice changing your own state. If you’re in a heated argument, it’s a good idea to develop the strength to instantly change each others’ state. My man and I have done this so much that, no matter what argument we have, we inevitably start laughing at some point during it. Just because we have both built up such a strong association in our history that argument eventually = laughter, that we can’t help it now – EVEN if I wanted to stay upset and in that ‘survival mode’, I couldn’t!
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If you were having an argument, and you were really angry with each other, and saw that the argument was going nowhere and not serving either of you, you’d be surprised to find the reaction in him if you (instead of going on about what he was doing wrong) – decided to call him ‘spotted dick’ (it’s a dessert, in case you’ve never heard of it). I know this seems crazy, but am I making my point?
This post was a lot of fun for me, and I find that words are amazing, powerful things that can instantly change the energy in a situation!
If you have any thoughts or memories in regards to this topic, please share them with us!
By the way, our new version of Commitment Control is already available in 2.0. Click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass.
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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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