Feminine Peeves – Men & Their Dirty Socks

Article updated 2018

Before I knew my man was a man and not a woman, I used to be upset by my man leaving his dirty socks on the floor. I was confused when I noticed that his idea of cleaning the house was equivalent to half my ideal level of cleanliness (if that).

I really thought perhaps he was just a person with ‘untidy’ habits. Well, yes, he would be…….if he was a woman.

Some time ago, when I first started this blog 12 months earlier, I published an article on reasons to be feminine, and somehow got on to how I love the fact that my man leaves his dirty socks on the floor. A few lovely and respected readers responded to me saying that they like the article, but that they just could not agree with that because they didn’t feel that they should NOT expect an “adult” to NOT pick up after themselves.

Fine.

But here’s the thing: adult is not the right word to use here. This is still measuring a man’s behavior with a feminine ruler. The fact is that men will be men. They are hunters by nature, and mostly could not care less about DETAILS (unless their job requires it, or they’ve been conditioned otherwise). Noticing details is in the female nature. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I?”)

They’re not leaving their dirty socks on the floor repeatedly to piss you off, and they’re not doing it because they’re not as ‘proper’ as you, or not as ‘responsible’ an adult as you are. They’re doing it because it is not in the male species – the male nature to take note of details.

I realized this after I asked time and time again for my man to please vacuum the corners of the house as well as the main parts when he was doing the vacuuming (which was very rare an occasion, as I preferred to do this myself) – I wondered why he just couldn’t do that. Even after I asked. Then I realized I simply could never expect that of him, and why should I? I choose to be with a man, not with a hairy woman.

If your man doesn’t seem to “respect” your rules for cleanliness -it’s not because he doesn’t love you. Or because he’s lazy. It’s because he’s doing what comes naturally to him. The more you insist he do things your way, the more depolarized you with both become in your relationship.

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

Your man is more focused on the outcome of his work, his mission(s) in life and his golf game. He’s more concerned about keeping score, providing, feeling like he can provide, making sure he won’t let you down in a way he feels no man should let a woman down, and getting your love than with your rules for cleanliness. If he wasn’t, you wouldn’t be with him. (Click here to take the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

Men mostly work in modes. The majority of women work in the flow (even though they can also work in modes if it’s required). Men will do what it takes to get the job at hand done (IF he sees the point in it!!), but he can’t do the dishes, think about a problem at work, talk on the phone and mind a 3 year old at the same time like we ladies can.

For men it’s work. Or relax. Work. Or relax. It’s not this, this, that, and that, plus this, as well as this. And that.

So (newsflash), he’s most likely not going to care about the dirty socks on the floor (or in any other uncouth locations) until it becomes urgent or important – for example: until he doesn’t have any more clean socks to wear: and then the mission becomes this: find all the dirty socks, and wash them so he can wear them for work, or golf on Saturday morning.

And if you still insist that he follow certain ‘cleaning rules’ in the house, my question to you is this:

What do you value more? Your relationship, or having it your way?

I’m not saying men should just be able to trash a house. That’s not the point. The point is that if your man does this, it’s not because he’s just a lazy person. Some men do value cleaning. In which case, you’ll find some other issue other than dirty socks which might bother you. And this doesn’t mean that men don’t appreciate a clean house to live in. It’s just that it’s likely he won’t value cleaning as much as you do.

(What Is The One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Single Man in this World That Inspires Him to WANT to Commit to One Woman, Want to Take Care of Her, Worship Her and Only Her? Click here to find out right now…)

I know it sounds crazy but I feel affection for my man when I see his dirty socks on the floor. I love him too much to get nasty over 10 seconds worth of extra effort of mine to deal with something that only comes naturally to him. Over time and through your leading example, you’ll notice that he’ll also celebrate the things you do naturally as a woman that initially drove him crazy.

I’m sure there are a lot of things you want to gain more understanding about men’s nature. We have put together a program Understanding Men, click here to get more information.

You know, it IS possible to laugh about the things that once made you cry, or made you angry. Do you think your relationship is worth that?

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE. Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

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Soren Thygesen
Soren Thygesen

Some very good points. It’s tricky because women obviously don’t want their men to be slobs either. So if the man loves his woman, he will at least make some effort of not leaving everything all over the place. I know I do. But I still fall hopelessly short of my wifes efficiency.

Jessica Wade
Jessica Wade

It’s one thing to be disogrganized, but it’s another to be nasty. A bunch of papers that don’t belong on the table, clothes on the floor, or a few dishes in the sink (from the same day), or the bed is not made is disorganization to me. When the trash starts to stink, the sink is completely filled with dishes, the dirty clothes stink up the room, THAT IS NASTY!!! I can deal with disorganization. I will not tolerate nastiness.

Sian
Sian

I came across your blog accidentally and started reading your articles because I could see they made some sense. This one I read because I have this problem – except it’s not socks, it’s the entire outfit from the previous day and the wet towel either on the bed or the floor… every day! I was hoping to get a clue as to how to constructively get this turned around, alas it was not to be and I find myself completely annoyed at this article! It assumes that all men are incapable of learning or changing and that is fundamentally… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  Sian

Or if it endangers your safety, then this is a problem! A guy friend of mine once left his sneakers right at the top of a long flight of stairs, it was dark and I just narrowly missed tripping over them stepping down to the first step! And there was nothing to greet my skull at the bottom but an old metal radiator! I’m sorry but I prefer my neck the way it is – unbroken. I gave him heck & he said he didn’t do it on purpose & I believe him, but really, a little bit of forethought… Read more »

Zack
Zack

Wow! I read a *lot* of myself in this! The worrying about socks only when they’re all gone is incredibly true! I even start thinking, “well, if I ran out in a week, maybe I should buy another bag of socks? Then I’ll have this problem every two weeks!” (and that’s what I did ;/)

C. Helman
C. Helman

Please. Do men drop their dirty socks at work? I don’t think so. This is not about being a typical man, this is about having respect for your partner. When you live together you have to take each other’s wishes into account. What is so hard about not being a total slob if it makes your partner better? These theories onlly defend bad behaviour of men…

Sian
Sian
Reply to  C. Helman

Totally agree!

Melissa
Melissa

I just LOVE this!! I always wondered what the reason is for me laughing everytime I see dirty socks all over the place! I laughed out loud at the statement you made about how they go on a mission to find ALL the dirty socks once they run out, or go out to buy new ones!!

Jamie
Jamie

This just made my blood boil. I got flasbacks of living with my ex and tripping over his crap, boots, tools, filthy socks, wet towels when I got up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I would alternate between asking nicely and nagging him to pick up after himself until the resentment built up and I flew into a rage where I would put everything into a garbage bag and give it to him to deal with. At the time, I was working longer hours than he was, so why should I have to do… Read more »

A.
A.

It’s not always men that have dirty socks. My ex picked up after me and kept his closet color coordinated, took two showers per day, and was generally … well, not as messy as me. I’m the one that wasn’t phased by socks on the floor, not him. Let me tell you. I found *zero* issues with it. His breath was lovely. We lived together for 3 years and the man never smelled bad. This is a *good* thing!!

Ruta
Ruta

It’s funny because my man is the tidy one, most of the time. I like being tidy but I am very creative so I find it hard to have an immaculate room. But my boyfriend is very precise, loves vacuuming, and has particular ways of doing things. He is from South America and his mother made sure he pulled his weight around the house so perhaps that’s a factor. But cleanliness and tidiness can be in line with masculinity, as men are also proud of their territories and like control over them. My boyfriend is very masculine indeed, but would… Read more »

AC
AC
Reply to  Ruta

This is entirely true for me too. My man is almost immaculate, and I am the one more likely to leave a dirty sock around. You hit the nail right on the head about how he likes to control his territory. Masculine energy seeks to control… yes, he is very masculine indeed 🙂 I’ve learned to clean up a lot more than I once did before, and therefore am a lot less stressed out. So his cleanliness habits were a good thing. 🙂 I don’t know what I’d do if I were with a man less clean than me. I’m… Read more »

sarah
sarah

I like how you often highlight the differences between masculine/feminine. There are not the same! Even though I know that….I often don’t REALLY KNOW it because the culture I grew up in is driven by hard lining feminists who insist that men should be more like women.

The reason that feminine women love men is because we are drawn to their masculine nature.

Basia
Basia

Hi All, I have recently found this blog when looking for stuff about femininity and haven’t read all the entries yet but those that I have I find really interesting and refreshing. I am so glad that there are women who still want to be feminine in the world of feminists…In relation to the latest entry on ‘dirty socks’ I agree with Renee completely and I think only a woman who has invested some time in self-development and self-growth will be able to rise above the ‘dirty socks’ issue and value her man for what he is and not pick… Read more »

Renee
Renee
Reply to  Basia

Hey Basia, welcome to the blog! 🙂
Thanks for your comment and kind words.
Good luck and merry x mas!

B
B

Stamped with agreement!! esp “What do you value more? Your relationship, or having it your way?”

P
P

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
sorry Renee i am now in the final stage of whatever i am doing [which u know] so am totally absorbed … will write to you more afterwards ( i feel i am writing crypts here ) Anyway, i have dirty socks all around too! but usually one or two pair, sorry … [ but i have good excuses … ]

Merry christmas too 🙂 have lots of snow here …
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

P
P
Reply to  P

P:
( i am talking to myself )
to clarify, they are my dirty socks ( even clean ones … )

P
P

Hello, just to stop by to say hello! i have been a silent reader 🙂

Renee
Renee
Reply to  P

Oh P!! I’ve missed you, haven’t heard from you in so long! Thanks for dropping by and hope you have a lovely Christmas!
-XxX-

Princess Fuschia
Princess Fuschia

Nah…..or he probably is just plain LAZY and maybe he is used to his mum picking up his socks after him or nagging him during his formative years…. learned helplessness??!! He is more than CAPABLE of lifting his dirty socks and putting in the washer… afterall – isn’t that what he did when he woo’d you and invited you over to his sparkling clean home??? Remember those days when he used to impress you?? And was it a man who invented the sock anyway?? If he doesn’t want to pick up his dirty socks and wash them – it’s probably… Read more »

Ruthie
Ruthie

Interesting post and Comments……………

Kira
Kira

I know what you mean about that. I was reading this blog about a woman being annoyed at this habit her husband had of leaving chip crumbs in the bottom of a bag while he opened a new bag. She complained about finishing it off while watching him devour whole chips.(She didn’t like being wasteful). Anyway, it wasn’t something to be so upset about. I told her to simply pour the crumbs in the new bag. Therefore, she wasn’t being wasteful and she could enjoy the good chips along with him. She could also try only buying one bag of… Read more »

Renee
Renee

No-one has to pick up after their boyfriend all the time. I’m not saying anyone has to do anything. I’m also not saying grin and bear it, for that is – on a scale of 1-10 about a 1 in effectiveness, authenticity and sincerity as a way to deal with a problem. If you grin and bear it, in fact, it makes the relationship worse…and creates ENABAs. This is the point: What do you value more? – The Passion in your relationship? – or Having to be RIGHT? What ever you value you will act accordingly. Neither are wrong, it’s… Read more »

Masaleen
Masaleen

Great post Renee! I think it’s simple, Don’t sweat the small stuff. I think any woman who makes a BIG deal over a man leaving dirty sock around needs to chill a little…that being said, for women bothered by it, she should do everything she can (in a VERY feminine, patient way) to help him him understand that he’d be speaking her love language if he DID pick them up. But if nothing works, then she should either accept him, or leave him. You can’t be with a man you don’t accept, or won’t try your absolute best to accept;… Read more »

Catherine
Catherine

Sorry about the name typo – using an iPhone.

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