The following are examples of what I feel an alpha male would not look like. Having said that…

Beware of these if you are in a Long-term Relationship!

If you are in a long term relationship right now, take these 5 indicators LIGHTLY. They do not hard core apply to YOU all the time, because when you spend THAT much time with someone, you realise that we all have moments where we slip in to different roles and he might have done something once or twice that indicated he was a beta male but really he isn’t. (Click here to complete the quiz “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?)

And that is normal, and natural and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like you show up in your masculine energy sometimes, no matter how beautifully feminine or motherly you are 80% of the time.

If you’re dating…

This post is for you if you are single and dating and want a strong alpha male and want to sift through the men who perhaps won’t be that strength for you when you need him to be. I don’t know about you – but I know when I was dating, it was INCREDIBLY helpful to have signs to go by, before wasting time with someone who isn’t right for you.

What is an Alpha Male?

In today’s day and age, because most of us do not live in tribes anymore, the alpha male might not be as OBVIOUS, so that’s why I believe signs are more important.

Thousands (even millions) of years ago, it was obvious who the alpha male was; he was the guy who lead the tribe, who got the pick of ALL the women, and fathered most of the tribe’s population!

But of course, other men hated that because they didn’t get the opportunity to pass on their genes; one man commandeered all the female reproductive resources; so of course, the society we have today works MUCH better for most of us; where, for some of us, we can be UNEMPLOYED and still pass on our genes.

Hell, we can live off the government, be on drugs, and still Pass on our genes. Not good; but it still happens.

Yet; as a woman, you can feel whether a man is a dominant or submissive man, right?

Here is how I define an Alpha Male

In today’s day and age, signs that a man is an alpha male are signs that he has a strong masculine energy; that he is not afraid to be dominant and to hold his ground.

Just because a man is an alpha male doesn’t mean he can’t have a well developed feminine energy, too. Remember that! It’s simply because he’s more multi-dimensional.

Dominant, BUT in what Way?

Now for some men, they’ll be the ‘dominant asshole’, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it depends how he shows up as that asshole. And some women still like this type of man, and it works for them, which is great!

Or, you get the (rare) enlightened man who is spiritual and still very clearly alpha; or has a strong masculine energy. These men are rare; and it takes a well developed feminine energy to create attraction and develop a relationship with this type of man. (Get your “Goddess Report” here)

And sometimes, it’s hard to tell what man is what, so that’s where some indicators come in really handy!

Here are the 5 indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male:

1) When socializing and talking, he often talks in a way that puts other people down.

For me, there really is no faster indication that this man has a very weak masculine energy. Not only because he’s insecure, that’s not even half of the reason! The reason why this is a sure-fire indicator that a man is not an alpha male is because alpha males are far more centered and focused than that! In order to look to put others down indirectly or directly, it just shows his lack of ability to focus and the lack of direction in his life.

Men who have a sense of mission, and who are focused, don’t have the brain space to look for ways to gossip and TALK about how other people are less than, or are losers.

Plus, lengthy discussion and gossip is something women do. Look out for this one. I really can’t stand men who gossip in a way that puts other down; because I can feel their lack of authenticity.

Sure, sometimes we all have to gossip and maybe tell it like it is; but there’s a difference between telling it like it is and having most of what comes out of your mouth be a put down or criticism of other people. Gossip is a form of sharing of feminine energy – not a strong masculine energy.

2) Other women don’t pay attention, and aren’t interested in listening to him when he speaks.

An alpha male more often than not, has the ability to engage people and is not afraid to engage people. Always take a man out with some of your girlfriends. Firstly; if he cares about you; he won’t avoid it.

If he just wants sex, he’ll try to avoid it. If he comes along, observe what he’s like with your friends. It’s not a secret that if a man is standing and talking, and a few women are looking at him, his attractiveness to women automatically goes up incredibly, studies have proved this, and it is in the subconscious female mind.

It’s a kind of ‘pre-selection’; ie: other women are willing to give him the time of day; other women like him, which means A LOT in the female mind when it comes to choosing the best man. It also helps you feel more secure choosing him.

3) He seeks approval. A big one.

Any man with a strong masculine energy will listen to a woman’s opinion, but take it in to consideration.

An alpha male is so strong in his choices; and he is so stable in his own choices that other people’s opinion only count for so much. HIS choices matter the most.

If he’s seeking approval from other women especially, then observe carefully.

The way I learned this was through my ex. This is a very extreme example. It’s almost….too weird to share. But I’m ok with that.

I used to have to reassure him that his jeans looked ok on him. Not once. Not even twice, and no, not thrree times, but over and over again! Yikes!

See, I know what a bad idea it is to be the man in a relationship when it isn’t natural for you (and it definitely wasn’t natural for me). No wonder I couldn’t stand him; I stayed because I didn’t know any better. AND because I thought it was cool to have everything ‘under control’. Thank Goodness I now know better. (read my article about how to get out of your painful relationship now)

4) He never knows where his keys and wallet are.

You can test this out with a (literal) and fun test, if you are far along enough in the dating process to be able to do this. Have his back turned to where his keys and wallet are and in a playful and excited voice; ask him: “without looking around, where are your keys? And also where is your watch?”

Are you wondering what this has to do with anything? Well; A LOT! Think about it….masculine energy is very directed. A man can’t be a hunter, or fight at war, or take charge of anything if his mind and eyes are lazy and wandering all over the place; he has to have some sort of direction.

I don’t care how long ago men were hunters; it is in their DNA, males have (over the course of millions and millions of years) trained themselves to properly and efficiently hunt.

And a man who is mostly living in his masculine energy and who has a strong masculine energy, will KNOW where he keeps his keys! Why? Because his keys are the reason he can GO or drive anywhere, in the direction he wants to go.

If he loses things all the time; do you feel good? Do you trust him? Or do you just think he’s cute?

Remember that masculine energy is directional – it knows where it’s going; and if it doesn’t, it finds out – or pretends to know, at least for that moment 🙂 A man with a weaker masculine energy most of the time; won’t mind you telling him where to go, and he’ll relax and enjoy that. An alpha male or a very masculine man will probably ignore you instead if you tried. And thank goodness! Finally! A man you can respect!

5) The complainer.

You already knew that in your gut though, didn’t you? The man who complains about work, about his boss, about his ex, about his mother, and his father.

The man who has a bad shoulder injury and goes on and on about it. Oh, and ENJOYS telling the story of how bad it is and how it happened over and over and over and over again.

Complaints complaints complaints.

So…..Where or when does he have any time to actually take the problem at hand and deal with it?

WELL! He’s not even looking to deal with the problem. He just wants to blurt a bunch of complaints out. Good for him! But maybe not so good for you if you want a passionate relationship with him!

Talking through things and being hurt and upset or even complaining is what you and I do together, as women, because our natural feminine instinct is not to solve any problems. Connection is the lifeblood of the feminine.

We just need to connect, talk, and 2 hours later; WAH-LA! We feel better, and it’s like that other problem didn’t exist. (what was the original problem again??)

The bounce returns to our step and we are ready to move on to the next thing. If a man is more towards the alpha male on a spectrum of Beta -> Alpha, then he will not complain, but rather, eliminate (move away from), or SOLVE the problem.

Not solving the problem makes him feel like less of a man.

I was happy to finally find a man who didn’t complain, after dating several men.

Looking at my husband’s personality, I cannot remember even once where he complained about anything.  And of course, I adore him for it.

When I realised this about him; it was like a huge light bulb went off in my head (and in my heart); this taught me A LOT about the past men I dated, and how they were nothing compared to the man I have now.

Contrast, baby. Contrast.

And, the best thing about this is that I can trust him to be a man; so I can relax and be a woman. If you’re looking for a passionate relationship where you are taken care of, this is an important one, so look out for it!

Before I found my husband, men used to try to lure me in by telling me how bad their ex girlfriend was and how they don’t have enough sex and how their work is crap…and this is without me even asking; so their complaints were not really in context of an ongoing conversation!

They were random, inauthentic attempts to get my attention. No thanks! Next!

There are a lot of other indicators that a man is not an Alpha Male. Have you experienced any of these Signs with the men you’ve dated? Share it with us! Do you have any comments to add to the mix? Leave a comment below sharing it with us. 🙂

And one last thing: If you are looking for ways to screen out immature men, I can give you all the right questions to ask a man to test him and how good his character is, click here to check Understanding Men program.


  • lolwhat

    Disgusting woman.

  • Paul

    Girls usually look for man who are masculine and well build in the very initial phase of dating someone, but beware of men who are just build up masculine, the thought mindset and concerns regarding you and family should be also masculine.. once i dated a man who was very handsome and good looking but he failed to show his real masculine traits while speaking his mind. He was very rude, egoistic and a man who keeps u always on the guessing mode…what next?.. so just look for the real man who can actually take care of you and can be with you in all thick and thin of life.

  • Jeremy Langenfeld

    Bullshit. A real man is not concerned about social norms, and if he has hard feelings there is nothing wrong with talking to a good friend about it. Yes we’d all like to be sociopathic robots so shallow women like you can feel secure, but isn’t it at essence about honesty, and self honesty. I think if we lived in a world where people were more accepting of others real feelings or insecurities, or what you may so call beta, we, as a whole would be in a lot better place. Manhood is fake and developed out of threat. Its like a monkey holding a slippery football with all his might. Its a hot potatoe of evolution; alpha is harmful corporations. Alpha is making men fodder for war. Alpha is not accepting of the standards of whiney western women, who are spoiled and so entitled. The whole pick up culture and alpha/beta mentality is fake; a concoction.
    The men I admire the most are simply real and not concerned with being “alpha”.

  • Combat skier

    Alpha males, perceived or otherwise, will be the end of life on earth. We could evolve past these fucks, but articles like this keep perpetuating their “confidence” and non critiquing lifestyle. They are non thinking drones who are breeding more “confidence” in their own bullshit. The Stone Age didn’t end for lack of stone.

  • Schwanger

    Can a homosexual man, be an Alpha Male? Just throwing that out for debate.

  • Brandon Gilmore

    This bitch says she has a husband??! Yikes! That pooorrrr bastard. Oh my goodness can you imagine dealing with this woman day in and day out??? Hahaha, in all her genius wisdom. I have never read such a bunch of half cocked, archaic, poorly put together, assumed assemblage of nonsense ever in my life. Jesus on the cross come save this bitch. I GUARANTEE you! This woman’s husband provided he actually exists, wears a rumbo/rumbi/rombi thing. You know the one piece button up and shorts clothing item that is all over the internet now for guys hahaha. One of those. Bet.

  • Logan Calderon-Henderson

    Great… a Beta female trying describe an Alpha Male. Thats like a Blind woman trying to describe a rainbow.

  • disqus_jGt2bp42Em

    Well a guy who is not masculine forces the woman to be in that rol and feels strange. I’ve done it twice. And I felt unprotected, and like I was the man, dominating! having to make the big decisions, comfort him EVERY day when he complains about jobs (he changed jobs and about a week started whining) and family and politics and even how people drives. No purpuse or direction in life. Very emotional and erratic and nervous. Could never hold his ground.
    He even had girly attitudes. Like body language. He would say he was scared before I could voice it to get protection (small earthquake really like NOTHING and he said how scared he was)
    Sucking up to his boss, father, always trying to get aproval. Never sure of what to do !!! Then I dated a masculine man. Confident, a gentleman (the other guy wasn’t since he didn’t felt like I was softer or more vulnerable than him) but this alpha treated me like I was fragile! I LOVED it. He commanded attention, went straight to face problems knowing he could find the resources to fix whatever. Just a plain GREAT guy. Made little money in southamerica, now works in NYC. Self made through effort, study and hard work. Great son, brother. He said that guys that hunt women every weekend after 30 do it to feel better about themselves. He has proven to everyone his worth and doesn’t need to prove it chasing women.
    This type of guys exists!!! Really. I’ve known him since I was 16. I’m 28 now. Seen him in his past relationships. He treats women with lots of respect. Like the ladies they are.
    I ended it, cause it just wasn’t for me. Like something spiritual felt off? But he is PERFECT!!! Really. It scared me to end it but I know someone just like him will click something in me.

  • blah blah

    The complainer … men test to see if a woman is a good caregiver by complaining. If a man complains, he’s looking for care. He wants her to initiate some comforting contact; rub his back/shoulders, put an arm around him, listen, let him know that she’s there for him.

    Granted, you don’t want to become an enabler for a constant-complainer to just get their belly rubbed about every little thing they bitch about.

    But, if a man complains about something major in his life … like his job, his boss, etc … he’s looking for some consolation. Especially if it’s somethign major he can’t fix easily… like, a guy with a wife and 3 kids can’t just up and leave his job / boss easily; he has mouths to feed at home.

    In a relationship, a guy will test whether a woman is worth being with long-term and whether she may be a good caregiver to kids by complaining and seeing how she consoles him. If she blows him off and ignores him… the prospects of a long-term relationship, marriage and kids is basically kissed goodbye. You are not wife material, let alone mother material.

    This is exacerbated even more when one person has a double-standard they expect to be consoled when they have an issue, but won’t console their partner if they have an issue. (doesn’t matter if it’s the man or woman or whichever in a same-sex relationship… basically, one partner is asking the world from the other, but not willing to give the world in return).

    There is also the “trying to fix the world” complainer… A guy that’s complaining about little things he can fix, and never fixing them… that’s a red flag. He needs to suck it up and fix those things.

    But, a guy that’s complaining about major issues in the world, like how to feed starving children, how to help the homeless, how to empower people across the world… this is a guy that has HUGE visions, and he sees a way to solve problems but he feels trapped and unable to make things happen. This is a guy with a big heart that wants to help the world. If you blow off his complaints, then you come across as a shallow person that doesn’t care about anything but yourself and your situation. It’s like saying to him “stop thinking about the world, only think of me, me, me!”

    The guy that doesn’t know where is wallet and keys are … I guess if you want a guy that always knows where everything in his life is… then that’s a good flag for you. But, there’s a lot of really creative types out there that can’t keep track of their things.Their mind is on projects or larger issues. Granted, it’s a good sign when these folks create systems in order to keep track of routine stuff. But, if you judge a person’s value based on them keeping track of something small when they’re out trying to solve the world’s problems…you could be measuring a mountain’s worth by the pebbles you see at the base.

    Also, there are quiet alpha males, since there are extroverts and introverts. Alpha males that approach others are extroverted. There are alpha males, though, that prefer to stand back and watch. They analyze a situation, look at social structures, see who’s doing what, and form plans on how to best manage work, social settings etc.

    Deciding that a guy that jumps out front and takes the lead as being the only kind of “alpha” there is basically neglects a lot of leaders in the world that learned stepping back and letting a subject-matter-expert take the lead on projects while providing them parameters and setting goals is also a valid way to lead. In some of the best creative task forces, military task forces, etc, the leaders are people that are confident in themselves to stand back and let others take the lead. The leader assesses and situation and knows who to call up to take the lead. The leader is in charge of project oversight and looking at the forest while their team mates focus on the trees.

    The type of confident, in-your-face alpha guy women stereotype as the kind they want to go for almost always ends up in middle management working for someone else, b/c the quiet confident alpha that stands back and assesses people and large-scale situations is who ends up leading companies.

  • Franklin Rush

    Pretty ridiculous how the term “alpha male” (even more absurd the “Alpha female”) is being thrown around. One thing to keep in mind that the historic alpha male got to pass his genes on mostly through war rape. Think about that. If you don’t believe me, look up Ghengis Khan.

  • disqus_GB8lUuziuG

    #2 Don’t confuse introversion with being a wuss, all it means is he has a more active brain and requires less stimulation to be happy. He also probably enjoys his own company more as well and likely spends more time on activities like reading or developing skills instead of socializing.

    #5 I get this and you have a valid point but this is a very fine line to walk between not liking a complainer and rejecting a man as a vulnerable human being and forcing him to repress his emotions.

  • Whitfield McRory Palmer

    Most men are sigma…neither alpha or beta.

  • Whitfield McRory Palmer

    So fucking stupid. Alpha in and of itself is not a virtue. There can be a lot of variables that make alpha’s a nightmare. Run if you encounter one that has not cultivated a good character.

  • Aj Mopho

    Renee is hot

  • Christian Atchason

    Women should all shave their heads and take off their makeup and jewelry so men can have a compass on true feminity.. The pendulum swings both ways..

  • Michael Fasano

    Young men and women alike who struggle with dating search for this kind of content because they want solutions, but you’re just leaving them with a feeling of overwhelming depression when they don’t fit with your list.

    I hope you at least understand that you’re generating ad venue by pushing “beta males” and insecure girls closer to suicide.

  • The Horniest Partner

    Many women love Alphas and will get their slootiness out with alphas in their 20s, early 30s. They will likely then settle down with betas where it is more about raising a family and co-habituating rather than focused on sexual needs.
    I am still Alpha and my girl likes my domineering personality. She routinely asks for my permission to do things, go out with friends, etc. At bed time, I tell her to undress when I want sex.

  • Herpy Derp

    What you’re describing is not an alpha.

  • somya malik

    I don’t think this post is defining feminine boyfriend its shaming a person( male society ) for carelessness , lack of self confidence , and other people preference I think its not girls thing to forget keys and wallet and ask for someone permission or reassurance to say something well I suggest the writer to go slave alpha male of 3rd century tribe it suits u and if u want a perfectionist well u r splashed because perfection is myth there is/are flaws in everyone first u should get straight with that and if u can’t then why don’t u consult a psychologist it will do u benifit…no harm done this post is the perfect example of wrong upbringing because if u think u r right think twice no actually think thrice and multiply it with infinity u bird brain author because ur definition of perfect partner can’t be a dictionary definition of a person because very soul is unique with its characteristics and personality….. Bless u !

  • Much Complicate

    There’s a difference between sharing emotions and complaining though. Sometimes emotions need to be processed.

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