This Is Why Women REALLY Push Men Away

…Because pushing him away is a lot better than feeling him ‘here’ with us and consequently being more vulnerable to his betrayal. Especially if we’ve been truly open and vulnerable to him.

…Because we want you to work harder for us.

…Because we are scared to trust you.

…Because outside of our natural desire for sex during/before ovulation, or the beginning or the end of a menstrual cycle, our desire for sex is lower, and sex takes a lot of energy when we don’t want it.

…Because relationships take courage that we are too scared to have.

…Because some men don’t provide enough value to us in order to warrant us being very connected to them.

…Because men just don’t understand…until they do understand. And if he’s a good man, he really will understand one day.

…Because somebody else abandoned us. And pushing people away is a coping mechanism for perceived eventual hurt. Sorry, it’s just that…abandonment hurts and as a consequence, relationships just don’t feel as ‘real’ or ‘worth it’ anymore.

…Because men are different to us. Even if women and men are both human. Men are different, and if we were honest, dealing with that is frightening sometimes.

…Because we want to feel in control. Letting go means losing control, and losing control means we’ll be judged. By women, funnily enough.

…Because having a man around might mean being more free, safe, and vulnerable. And in feeling more free, safe and vulnerable, we can also start to feel less capable. And what if we suddenly need to be all capable again? Better not risk being out of the game.

…Because when we choose to be wide open to you instead of pushing you away, we have to suddenly be someone we don’t know if we accept or even respect, ourselves. Why be someone we don’t respect?

…Because being wide open and vulnerable to you means we have to accept ourselves. And we don’t always accept ourselves.

…Because we got used to wearing masks. Masks have become our way. And it now takes less energy to wear these masks than it takes to surrender to you.

…Because we want a higher quality man.

I can’t speak for all women, but if you are like most women, inside your heart lies a deep (and almost constant desire) for love and connection.

Sometimes, there’s also a deep hurt over the love you wanted to experience with another human (any human), but for whatever reason, you have not been able to.

In fact, it is the disowning of our feelings that makes committed relationships less possible.

We secretly love relationships. We just don’t feel safe to invest in them sometimes. And – we need reassurance in order to open up. Tell me, am I wrong? Or would reassurance from a man feel good to you? 

Any reason you have for pushing a man away is ok. It’s ok to feel scared. It’s ok to feel unaccepting of ourselves and voice that to yourself and release the feeling. Every feeling has a place – and please give it a place. Allow that feeling to surface, even if it feels so lonely to acknowledge that feeling.

I am just some woman on the internet with an opinion. However, I caution you in disowning your feelings, because in doing that, we tend to repeatedly gravitate towards superficial relationships that break our soul and make us jaded. Don’t ignore your feelings, and therefore ignore what your heart truly wants.

Your head might want to work a lot to keep the seat warm at the high flying job that you have, but how does your heart feel?

Your head might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart; ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel, heart? What if you never hear from him again afterwards? What if you never see him again?

Your head might want this and that, but how does your heart feel? Is it hurting? Is it yearning?

If you ignore your heart and your truest feelings, mediocre relationships will find you.

In the end, the quality of our relationships is all we have.

Which one of these reasons did you NOT relate to? What other reasons can you share for pushing a man away? Let me know in the comments, I look forward to reading what you write.

 

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P.S. What are some other reasons you push a man away? Can you add even better reasons to this list? Please add to the list in a comment below. I always look forward to reading your ideas.

You’re a powerful goddess that can change the lives of people around you.

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71 Comments on "This Is Why Women REALLY Push Men Away"

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Lucinda aldama
Guest

This has helped me a lot, being a women that was molested and abused a lot, I’ve always pushed men away and when I releases it to my fiance I was emotionally in tears but the healing needed to take place for our relationship to move forward so thank you very much always Lucinda aldama mesa arizona

Irma Romano
Guest
I met a man on Christmas Eve and we hooked up shortly after and than after seeing him twice I pushed him away. I was overwhelmed with liking him and him not really being emotionally available to me only to text me on his terms. It reminded me of other relationships in the past where I had abandoned myself. Than I told him good-bye and regretted it after my girlfriend said you could have allowed him to fall for you overtime you pushed too hard too fast and Iam having a hard time letting go now for some reason and… Read more »
Rocoten
Guest
Hi, I lost the man I loved about 8 months ago. We had a 3 years rls and we broke up mainly because we werent aligned at the moment and I expected too much. After a year of adjusting myself and consistency, I managed to start dating him again officially (he told friends) eventhough he never stopped loving me. Sadly life took him away from me unexpectedly. I have this fear that I’ll never find someone that will care for me as much as he did, and that I wont like someone just as much as I liked him. Its… Read more »
lostgirl
Guest

I pushed this guy I was dating away because he said he didn’t want kids. I knew I wanted kids someday. So I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting time by being with someone who didn’t want the same thing.

Renee Wade
Guest

You pushed away the married guy?

lostgirl
Guest

Yes. I’m scared to get too close to him.

lostgirl
Guest

I push my friend away because he’s married. I’m attracted to help. Our chats are fun. I would feel sad if I never heard from him again.

Monica
Guest
Hi Renee! Your work has been so helpful for me and my relationship ❤️. Since starting my journey to become the woman and partner I desire to be, I notice I pull away because I am insecure. My partner and I have been together for almost two years. He is wonderful, I respect and love him more than I have any man before. Sometimes, I get nervous that I am not bring enough value to his life. I get scared that I am undeserving and that one day he’ll wake up and think so too. This fear of somehow ‘being… Read more »
Morgan
Guest
Hi, Renee. I really hope you’ll see this, I have an emergency!! I subscribed to your Attraction Control Monthly through buying one of your deals that came with the first month of it. But now I need to be taken off, because right now I cannot afford the monthly payments. And I have sent two messages through your help desk, and one through your facebook. And I know it’s not you yourself who responds to these, so I’m not upset with YOU. But I am upset that nobody’s helping me!! I can’t lose any money and nobody seems to care… Read more »
Seenandheard
Guest

I push him away because I feel turned off by his baby talk. Why does he do that? It doesn’t feel masculine. I feel like I’m drowning in sap. Where’s the polarity? I’m the warm, feeling, soft girl. I want him to be the hard, cold, doing man. Seriously, why does he talk like a baby with me?

bobsyouruncle
Guest

Well, that defines my marriage very well, but I am a bit of a romantic, because I do like the woman in my life to know clearly how I feel.

bobsyouruncle
Guest

I would love to meet a warm.feminine woman again. I am a single man who.spent 23 yrs with my late wife whom.I shared a very deep true love with. we were the couple everyone hated because we were so close. were can I find you lady’s to date and learn about ?

Dawn Zuokumor
Guest
Hello renee, I have this friend who we’ve had a thing for each other but never really made a move… or I’d say he has and I’d been stalling coz I was scared. Okay the thing is, we suddenly became really really close developing that connection and i did really trusy him and then the fear came. I started thinking since we’re not dating yet, he could leave anytime what if I do something wrong and all that.. the thing is I know he’s serious and all but **okay I failed to mention he really likes me coz I don’t… Read more »
Diane Bannard
Guest
Fear of betrayal / abandonment. My husband of 12 years, instead of trying to repair our marriage after we separated, ran off with a 21 yr old, had a baby with her and is living with her. He is 50 yes old. I see too late he was not a high value man for a mate. But I’m 62 now. It will be hard because men don’t even want to date a woman over 60. And the men on the dating sites: they are other women’s leftovers, that they divorced because she couldn’t live with him anymore. My last relationship… Read more »
Sade
Guest
Hello Renee, It’s been 3yrs now since I broke up with my ex and have never had sex since then… Sex is so intimate for me I can only have it with someone I am in love with. That being said, I work with a guy that interest me alot, I really like him… He seem interested as well but not enough to say he wants a relationship with me because he had never asked me out. We chat sometimes and he make jokes that certainly sends a msg that he is sexually attracted to me. In a long time,… Read more »
Sade
Guest

Hello Renee,
I understand you a busy person trying to advise many of us with relationship issues… Personally I am so grateful as your articles are such eye opener. Please, I would really love to read from you regarding my situation.
Bless you

Renee Wade
Guest

Hi Sade, let’s start with what I wrote in this article (above): “Your head might want to sleep with a good looking man, but put your hand on your heart; ask your heart beforehand – how do you feel, heart? What if you never see him again?”

In this case, your body probably also wants to sleep with him…but still, ask your heart. How would it feel if you were to never see or hear from him again afterwards?

Myall
Guest

Hi Sade, l am not a relationship expert and l know this post is three months old, but l am curious as to what has happened with this guy and you since posting. I would have suggested that as a friend you ask him about his views on relationship in general and what he was looking for in a relationship.

lisa
Guest

i never pushed men away, i was always the one being pushed away. pushed aside, rejected, men wouldn’t let me in, etc.

Phyllis Black
Guest
Renee, I am 56 and still hopeful. My “problem” is being feminine and vulnerable, men can see that. I’m not matronly by a long stretch! But, at my age, they do only want sex because the men have done the “family thing” with another woman and already has children. Grown. But they’re are always tied emotionally to the ex wife, current wife or “baby mama” Since I couldn’t have children, men see no other purpose for me. I have been told “I could still love you the same, just don’t expect to get married,” by a man who was with… Read more »
Renee Wade
Guest
Hi Phyllis, When men tell you “I could still love you the same, just don’t expect to get married”, it does not mean anything about you and your reproductive capability. It is about how they feel about marriage at this moment in time. And, marriage is an expensive gift for a man to give to a woman. Do not lose hope that a man could give it to you – but at the same time, place your energy and thoughts and care in to giving value. You need to look at other types of value that you can give beyond… Read more »
Phyllis Black
Guest

Wow, Renee! You actually read my sentiment. Thank you.
I’m vary real. Not resentful, just beginning to be realistic. I just do not want to go thru thousands of men waiting for the “what ifs” at my age. Marriage isn’t promised to everyone. No matter how much I want to live a high value, high status life. It’s not cool to have to deal with the “relationship” issues and commitment phobic men wanting sex. Realistically speaking. I am aware that it might not happen and have already moved to another city anticipating probability of a lifetime alone….

bobsyouruncle
Guest

As a man, it isn’t that men are commitment phobic, it is that many men have been hurt by superficial relationships with jaded women, or hypergamous women and thusly have become calous. Make a man invest in you, make him see that you are not easy, that you are loyal, ad if he really truly cares for and has deep attraction, he will do everything he can to earn your love.

Phyllis Black
Guest
@bobsyouruncle. While I appreciate your sentiments.. it’s kinda hard to engage with a man who approaches you under false pretenses – pretending he is available for a relationship when he is not (married, committed to “baby’s mama,” narcissistic, etc. After I fall for the “okey-doke,” then they truly begin to pull away because their primary relationship has become prevalent. A man can only lie until some important event in his woman’s life becomes prevalent (anniversary, holiday, mother’s day) then he has to get ghost until she doesn’t need him anymore- then here he comes again, moving me up in the… Read more »
bobsyouruncle
Guest
because women have the supply of sex locked up and men want access to it, you are going to have to deal with unworthy cads. I will apologize right now for the majority of us who.just want a deeply feminine women. I was married to a human version of Tinkerbell for 23 yrs. she passed about 2 months ago. I knew i was likelyto outlive her from very early in the relationship and currently my world.is shattered. but don’t think all men are bad people. I am very concerned I will never find a woman of her quality to share… Read more »
Phyllis Black
Guest
Hi there! Been there, done that. Got the t- shirt. Met this widower a few years back. During conversation to feel him out after he asked me out, he says “oh yes, I’m ready to date!” Agreed to meet to go out. As be was getting go know me, his mind wanders back to the deceased (more than 3 years) wife. Guy pulls out the WEDDING ALBUM!!! And aside from this, when I told him I was domestic (like cooking, cleaning, etc.) Guy was so insulted and basically shoved me out the front door. “You are trying to be somebody’s… Read more »
bobsyouruncle
Guest

you seem really bitter about your choices. very sorry that you haven’t found a strong devoted protector male to balance your life. however if you continue to unilaterally blame men, that’s your failing. good men the kind you want, bitterness is obvious and unattractive and it breathes a noxious odor of entitlement.

Phyllis Black
Guest
Why do you have to resort to name calling? I have to be “bitter” and “self entitled” because I am expressing a choice not to continue to be pissed on be commitment phobic men and narcissists who seek out FEMININE women with HIGH VALUE to screw over then tell us how we weren’t with their time after being OPEN!!! How dare you! I think you need to considered that it isn’t just a man who gets to make the choice. That’s why we are on this website paying money to be taught a better way. None of the information shared… Read more »
bobsyouruncle
Guest

maybe you need some honest self assessment here. your begingcombative angry and masculine.submission does not mean doormat.

Phyllis Black
Guest
Save your armchair advice for when you become a licensed therapist. Think what you want in cyberspace. Since you’re throwing shade at a person you don’t know, you can obviously accept my opinion of you. I find you to be misogynistic and unkind. And you are stalking this website to insult women who come here to seek help from experts. That in itself is part of the profile for someone in need of serious psychiatric assessment and treatment. Since I do not engage with mental patients, this is the end of my communication with you. Please seek help face to… Read more »
bobsyouruncle
Guest

out the specific parts where I hurled insults ? my friend has a saying. if you run into a asshole today, its just an asshole. if everyone you run into is a asshole, maybe your the asshole.getting angry with me for pointing out that your angry and you come off as entitled, doesn’t change the fact that you come off as angry and entitled. it can’t be that all men are bad, just as I am sure there are many good women. this first sign you have a personal issue is that its everyone else’s fault.

bobsyouruncle
Guest

hey, I was faithfully married for 21yrs, i am a widower. I’ve seen your excuse making in all of our single friends in that time. its always the mans fault why it didn’t work. I was calling attention to that fact. it can’t be that all men are commitment phobic, maybe you just aren’t worth it, maybe your value isn’t what you think it is. maybe you behavior,ethics,fashion,signaling pushes good men away and attracts cads.

Maria
Guest
I am figuring out that I’ve learned to push men away. It comes so naturally. I have met someone who I believe is a good man… we are both so young though and I think we share similar fears. I know my heart wants to connect with him, but how does this happen while maintaining space, withholding pressure, and still being genuine in my feelings? I can’t ignore my heart anymore. I have been loving myself so fully and truly… even when it’s hard, but it hasn’t just happened overnight. I sometimes struggle to keep the faith but I can’t… Read more »
Nicole
Guest
I definitely identify with having been abandoned in the past, but also with having been vulnerable and subsequently seeing a man betray that vulnerability by not perceiving its value. Years later, that man told me he realized that shutting down my vulnerability is what drove me away from him, but after being with him a year and a half, I learned to close that part of myself down. Now I’m fighting every day to open myself back up so that I can have the authentic, loving relationship that I so desire. I am not in denial–I am a deeply feminine… Read more »
Lauri Hall
Guest

I want to find love so badly, but I sabatoge or push away any man who tries. My ex husband broke my heart and two years later I still feel the pain of abandonment and betrayal. Even though he was not good to me I still loved him. I want to be in love, but I am doubtful it will ever happen. I notice I push interested candidates away:'(

Renee Wade
Guest

Hi Lauri, I don’t blame you for thinking falling in love may not be easy, but if you can, try not to be so quick to lose hope and protect yourself. If something is that good, then it’s worth the time it takes to get it.
What do you mean you still loved him even though he was not good to you? It is not possible to love someone unless they are meeting our needs somehow…and so that makes me wonder, how was he meeting your needs? Or did you perhaps love what you hope he could be?

Lauri Hall
Guest

He showed little affection the 21 years we were together unless it was sex. He didn’t like anyone I cared for. But we were best friends and I felt he was attractive. When he left our family for someone 14 years younger it was devastating. Thank u for reading I love all ur articles. I am a fan!

danaellen
Guest

One of the best I have read.

Morgan
Guest

I definitely relate to the abandonment one. But more so with the same guy, the second I feel my boyfriend has abandoned me, even for just a minute, I tend to shut down or even become aggressive and push him away. Luckily I know how to open back up thanks to you. 🙂

Renee Wade
Guest

🙂 that’s wonderful to hear, Morgan!!

amber
Guest

Only women can free men. Start loving yourself and loving a man like you love yourself regardless of romantic interest who are pretty much just like you and you will have more empathy. Men want love sex release freedom emotions and a home and heart just like you. Women keep disrespecting themselves men will continue to follow suit. And that ultimate means being open to God no matter the outcome

Diane Bannard
Guest

I understand that too. But it seems men ought to be working on themselves too. Not only us women. I realize I am still healing. But my exes I am sure are bringing their baggage into their next relationships. At least I am confident my next relationship will be healthier. And when the time is right, God will put me and that man together.

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