Why Men Won’t Commit

Why won’t he commit to me?

Many women ask this question. This article will give you a guy’s perspective on why some men find it hard to, or don’t want to commit.

(Click here to take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”)

First of all, let me ask you a few questions:

Would you love to commit to a $2,000 a month mortgage?

Would you love to commit to taking the trash out every week?

Would you love to commit to doing the dish washing every single day?

In all the above questions, the word commit has a very obligatory undertone. It almost feels like committing to something that would mean that we are obligated to do something and we would therefore have to surrender our own freedom.

The word commitment almost has a feel of “I don’t really want to do this, but I have to, or I should but it’s not going to be the most pleasant experience.”

Got to do Something Vs GET to do Something

Feeling like you’re obligated to do something never feels that good. Life is a lot more fun when you get to do something, not when you got to do something! Men know this subconsciously.

One of the biggest desires for men, regardless of tradition or culture, is freedom. The Masculine energy strives to break free and experience freedom. It wants release from the constraints of life. 

Some men fight for their whole lives for freedom, and to experience freedom. Usually once they find that sense of freedom, they would never let it go. (Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)

Obligation murders freedom

When we love to do something, it is never an obligation. You don’t ever hear men complaining about going to golf – but work is a different matter. More people die on Monday mornings at 9am than any other time in the week. Coincidence?

Tell me ladies, is it easy or hard to commit to a shopping spree?

What about committing to washing the dishes every day? Is there a difference?

What does it really mean for a man to commit to a woman?

From a man’s perspective, he would have to buy stuff for you, spend lots of money, (it’s not so bad if he’s got the money to spend, but if he doesn’t…), spend time with you listening to all the good and bad stuff that you have to say, spend time when you request his presence etc.

From his perspective, he will have to fork out all these resources, so the question he will ask, (consciously or subconsciously), is whether you are worth all this or not. Some men just don’t want to deal with the excess baggage that women sometimes carry. It doesn’t make the man feel good whilst being with you, and the last thing you want to create for him is a terrible association with you and the thought of you.

It all goes back to men and their desire to feel free. So while you’re reading this, and feeling that perhaps men are not willing to GROW UP, just remember, it has nothing to do with growing up. It is men’s desire for freedom. If they didn’t desire it, they wouldn’t be men, and you wouldn’t feel attraction for them in the first place.

The point is; if you want a man to commit, if you want a passionate, happy long-lasting  relationship, don’t ask for your man to commit. If you ask that of him, and he delivers this “commitment” even though he knows he will feel less freedom because of it, then you are taking away his masculinity and what makes you attracted to him in the first place.

By saying you’re taking that away, he’s really just surrendering it. What will happen after a while, is that, sure he’s around you more often, but you’ll have less attraction for him. You’ll have the security of his presence by your side, but you’re trading off the passion that you could create in the relationship.

There is NO commitment needed when you do the things you love to do. You just do it.

The answer to the problem…

So instead of asking the question of why he will not commit, I suggest asking a better question.

Such as this…”How can I create more passion and attraction between him and me, so that he won’t want to be anywhere else?” or “How can I build up the excitement and tension between him and I so that he would feel like never going anywhere else?”

The power you have is in the attraction you can create between him and you.

A man already has so many responsibilities and obligations, as well as demands on him in life that if YOU can be his source of freedom, then being with you will never feel like an obligation because there’s so much passion between you.

It’s a horrible thing for a man to go to work and then come home to yet another obligation. I’m sure you sometimes feel the same, right?

If you created that passion and excitement between the both of you, he wouldn’t want to go anywhere else. You certainly won’t have a problem with him committing; he’d love to be around you.

And if you want to get more of an understanding of men and inspire him to commit fully to you, click here to register and watch the Commitment Masterclass.

See Article: Why He Pulls Away From Me and the Relationship?

And also: Why He Disappears and Withdraws? What Can I do about it?

What did you think of this article? Any opinion, thoughts, questions or objections, fire away!

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219 Comments

  • Jay says:

    Great article, you hit the nail on the head.

    Whats with all the random links at the bottom of the comment section???

  • Sirenbliss says:

    Most of the men I have met are slimebags who just want to hit and quit it … really disgusting turds…. sorry but its true.

  • Kristina Pruett says:

    Plain and simple he wont comit because he thinks he can do better than you.He strings you along until he finds her. It painful I know but all this bringing out your feminine energy and giving space is bull shit. He still wont commit unless you are the absolute best he thinks he can get. So find someone who believes you are out of his league and youll hear wedding bells if you want them.

  • Ap says:

    So…. what to do if a man states on day 1 he doesn’t want a relationship..? I would say… never go out with him anymore. . Do you agree?

  • Dave says:

    Men aren’t afraid of commitment, they are afraid of divorce and family court judges that impoverish men for the rest of their lives. Face it ladies, the feminist movement has succeeded in destroying marriage that they often refer to as patriarchal. Ironically, the wedding service is called matrimony and not patrimony.
    You are reaping the benefits of what you asked for and you will slowly learn about the law of unintended consequence.
    On the plus side, women should be celebrating their independence. Look at all the money you will save by not having to purchase wedding gowns.
    As Powers Booth once said, bye.

  • DeltaPeng says:

    For me, I’m trying to find a women I can respect and find real attraction for. And the ones I find interesting, don’t seem to give me a chance or the time of day, or respond to my messages (per online dating). Communication is high on my list, so that pretty much cuts them out of the list of potentials, but it’s a frustrating thing not even getting a chance or word back from so many people (whether it be people being too picky, or fearful, Idk).

    Per respect, perhaps my standards are too high, but I’ve been checking the online dating scene and it seems mostly like girls just want to have fun and find a guy who can make them laugh. Or to travel the world, and I understand some people enjoy that (I prefer being at home).

    I think the issue with that is then, like you mentioned in the article, it makes the pursuit per dating not feel worthwhile for me (as presumably other men). I already feel a lot of pressure in the struggling economy to find good and stable work, but to then feel like getting into a relationship would just add to my stress and financial burdens, while/for women are just looking for someone to do that all for them, well it just feels unbalanced / unfair to me. [rabbit trail: Granted, per the specifics of online dating profiles, perhaps it really is best (for women/men) to not be so serious as to put forth all your good / fun side only, I could be overthinking it. Even outside of this, though, I don’t tend to see much…future minded women, they want to be married, have a family and kids, but they don’t seem to have a plan, they seem to just wait and hope to be swept off their feet by Mr. Right? Though perhaps it is just that men may be better at the long term financial stuff. I appreciate in the article that it mentions women can and have some kind of responsibility to understanding men and how to be attractive to them, or at least point out that just waiting makes it at least feel/seem like a bad value transition for a man to go from being single to get into a relationship if the woman just sits/waits for it]

    Anyway, aside from that rabbit trail, I think a women who can communicate well and is willing to make time and be with me is pretty big, and if I can find them attractive outwardly as well [rabbit trail: I’m sorry if this seems shallow but, it is important to me and most guys on at least some level, not to say women need starve themselves. Just clean up and look nice. Smile and be nice to us, spend time and become a friend and supporter. Try new things with us, we want life partners.], is adequate at least in starting a more serious relationship. Seems like such a struggle to get to that place / find such women, though. Here’s hoping things change. I think you hit the nail on the head on more than a few points though, thanks for the article.

  • beth says:

    Hey,

    I was wondering if you could help me out.

    I have been seeing a guy for almost 3 months. From the start he said he wasn’t interested in a “full on serious relationship” and at that stage I wasn’t either. He then told me 5 weeks ago that he had feelings for me but wasn’t ready to commit to them yet. I was intoxicated and my reaction was “okay we should stop sleeping together/talking etc.” Up until this point it had been really perfect and he always replies asap, initiates to hang out etc. After this conversation he came back really strong without even a day in between where there was no contact and kept initiating plans e.g., going away together and paying for it. We didn’t sleep together for 2 weeks but as he lives with 4 of my best friends, we fell back into a sleeping together arrangement again and things pretty much went back to where they stopped. I had a conversation with him this week because I really wanted to know where I stand. He pretty much said that he didn’t want “rules” i.e., you can’t sleep with someone else, however for this time we would only sleep with each other and if we did sleep with someone else then we would have to tell each other and it would change what we have. I was happy with this. When it came to kissing other people, he said that because I wasn’t his girlfriend, I wouldn’t need to tell him if I kissed someone else because it would hurt him but if i were his girlfriend, he would want to know. I pretty much said I disagree and coming from a place of security that it would be nice to know that he wasn’t out kissing other girls. He doesn’t’ go out much either which he used to try and reassure me. I told him that due to the living situation and fear of getting hurt I may want to remove myself from the situation.

    Overall I was happy with the conversation but upon reflection I’m wondering if he just sees me as a friends with benefits thing (even though we have feelings for each other?) or whether he sees it going somewhere and he just needs more time…

    What is your advice with my next step? I’ve given myself a week away from him because of exams anyway and time to gather my thoughts. Should I bother bringing it up again, should I stop sleeping with him or should I keep sleeping with him in the hope that he will give me what I want eventually? I guess where I’m confused is that if I stop sleeping with him… he may see me as needy and full on considering it’s only 3 months in. But at the same time I don’t want to keep sleeping with him if it is just going to hurt me and he will never give me what I want.

    Please help, thanks.

    • Jim Johnson says:

      you messed up when you started having sex with him. From that point on, he viewed you as a useful piece of meat, that has little sense of conviction. The genie is out of the bottle. If you decide to stop having sex, then you only make matters worse by becoming a frigid slut, exactly the type of person that guys dread committing to. If you were willing to have sex early on in your relationship, what would convince him that you would not be willing to do that with someone else later on in your relationship?

      Guys like the sex, but it moves you from relationship material to a useful tissue. Sorry.

  • Anna_Banana888 says:

    Guys below are right – women below do not commit. I am one of them. I just love my freedom, my cat and my child. If man shows up on a horizon, he expects me to cater to him – to always be available for sex – 20 times a day, to make him sandwiches, to do his laundry, to clean his place. I just don’t get why I should make a sandwich for a guy, who has two hands and is not disabled, ok? And sex turns into a huge obligation with guilt trips and sarcastic remarks. Not to mention a guy always repeats that he is a man in a house. So it’s either him or cat. And that I should be more strict with my child. Being with a man is just a life of servitude. He won’t to listen to you much, when you need him to, because he is watching his favorite show. And then kids come. Having a man is like having a life of never ending servitude and letting go of things and people you love. I rather not. No thank you. Find other stupid, who wants to be a servant for life.

  • Lisa says:

    Hi Renee

    I have been reading your articles for a couple months now. I feel like I am very open and loving to my well ex now. We just broke up because he told me he doesn’t see a future with me. He said there is no future because of cultural and religious differences. But he knew that we were different when we first met so why say that now? We were together for only 5 months but if that is the reason you are going to give someone you would know that after a couple of dates.
    He is a christian and Nigerian, while I am a muslim and a white Canadian. I am perfectly happy with the differences because I like learning new cultures. But he said if we had children he wants them to be christians. At first when we talked about this I said I would want them to be muslims because that is what I am and if that your belief system and you think its right I think it’s only natural you would want everyone you care for to be on the same path. But after thinking about it I thought I would just want my children to believe in God it doesn’t matter their religion. I wasn’t born a muslim I became one later so we don’t set the beliefs for others they chose what they want to do. I told him this and he said no that is not what he wants for his children they must be christians.
    We stopped talking for a couple of days and then on Christmas day he came over that night and we said we had missed each other and just carried on our relationship like nothing had happened. He would say things to me like if we got married would I move to Nigeria with him, or when we made love one time he stopped and looked at me and said “do you want to have my baby?” and I said I did. So yesterday I asked him what his feelings were and he said he liked me but still didn’t see a future with me because of cultural and religious difference and we already had this discussion!! So why is he giving me this mixed signal and continuing to see me??? I asked him why he would ask me if I wanted to have his baby and he said it was just dirty talk to get me in the mood (I’m sorry that is not dirty talk)
    I told him that he is just using me until someone else comes along then because there is no point to our relationship if it is going nowhere. I’m so lost Renee…I hope you understand all this crazyiness.

  • Truth says:

    Well many of us men Can, but it is the women that Won’t.

  • carol trevnio says:

    What do you think of a man who was completely interested in sex until we got married? It is so rare now, after only 3 months. He never gives any forplay, to me either. I feel like a total subservient, or I’m really bad at sex (altho previous experiences have told me I was pretty great before). I’m so sexually frustrated and tired of his lack of interest…I feel like this was a marriage of convenience and it doesn’t feel right. He truly a great loving man, just doesn’t seem interested in sex with me anymore. I don’t get it. Yes, I have talked to him about it. Now I know how married men feel when the wife turns off the sex button. Geez! It really hurts!

  • Laticia W. Burgh says:

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    • Luke says:

      How about, why would he? Marriage for a man tends to entail horrendous expense (both during and after), constant criticism, etc. And, a man who marries commonly face a gradual shutdown of his sex life. Wives commonly go on sex strikes, and threaten him with loss of his children, all assets, and future income if he looks elsewhere for what his supposed “wife” doesn’t want with him. It’s as if a employer stopped paying you, but expected you to still work 8-5 M-F there, and threatened you with bankruptcy and jail if you went to work somewhere else.

      Unless a man KNOWS he wants children WITH THAT WOMAN, he should never marry, at least not in a Western country.

      • carol trevnio says:

        Do you think a man would marry a woman, because he cannot “have” the woman he truly loves, because she is already married? And yet still continues his exclusive “friendship” with the married woman, excluding and lying about [their] continual phone calls and encounters to his wife, so he “doesn’t want his wife to get upset?” But the evidence keeps surfacing and he is very “private” with the other woman; for instance whenever she calls him, he will leave the room to converse with her. Wife just learned that he has “lunch” with the other woman each Friday, never invites the wife. This has been going on since day one, and it just surfaced. The “other woman” so to speak, is not even cordial to the wife, and the husband constantly defends his woman friend, “that’s just her personality”. But in fact, her personality around him is a friendly, as if they were the only two people in the world. if the other woman happens to run into the wife, she totally has no interest in extending any sort of friendship except with the husband. I mean, would/could an otherwise good man do such a thing and not care about his wife enough to understand her hurt inside because of this issue? Doesn’t feel right. Instincts for the wife keep emerging red flags and wondering why did he even marry her? Is it to make the other woman’s husband feel more comfortable? Just curious of your male opinion. The children topic does not apply to this question. I know this may seem very one-sided so I am trying to keep this as general as possible.

  • Inga says:

    This article has some good points. However, I think it’s a bit too narrow. I am dating a guy and we have so much fun together, we laugh, joke, flirt, have great intimacy, and it felt lighthearted and playful. So on the surface it would seem that I am in the place this article says to be in. However, I also notice though he is in contact everyday via text, he really doesn’t allocate much time for me even though he is very complimentary and sweet with me, recently, he said he isn’t at a time in his life that he wants a relationship with anyone. So a girl can be totally go with the flow isn’t life awesome with me and the man could be soaking it all up and still the guy doesn’t want to commit and isn’t even acting like a boyfriend. That last question, how can I build… it sounds great, but seriously I hope women don’t actually think they should continue to give everything to a man and entertain him, make life awesome and then he actually really gives nothing in return. Sometimes when a man doesn’t want to commit a girl needs to just walk away.

    • mcharm says:

      Hi Inga,

      I’m far from an expert, but I have been studying ‘me’ in the past and ‘me’ now. I was in a 12 year relationship, in which the first two years were bliss, we did everything together, then we moved in together, had kids and everything went downward. So here I am two years after breaking up and dating again. Here is what I have examined in myself, I changed. The first two years were bliss simply because I was my own person and expected nothing from my ex, we spent 24/7 together because he naturally wanted too, there were no demands for him to do so. Once we became seriously committed, I then changed the rules, without realising it, I expected him to entertain me always, I expected that we must be together, that we must hang, that we must….. I stopped being carefree and just relaxing. So even though I had girls night out and I ‘allowed’ him boys night, I expected that we did things together if not there was something wrong with us. I became so unconsciously dependent on him, ie. no freedom as Renee states. I didn’t see it though.
      Now I’m dating again, and so relaxed, if I feel like going out I do, if I don’t I stay at home, this intensifies the need for the man to go out, I am not playing games, I am simply back to my natural state of no dependence. When we go out I am cool and not expecting him to entertain me, but he does without me asking.
      The only way I can explain this is women need to stop putting all their dependence on a man, he naturally wants to be with us if we just relax. So when he doesn’t call, don’t sweat it, do your own thing, if he likes you, he will be back around. However when you are with him be really with him, that is if you really like him, ie don’t look bored or angry or depressed, be fun and frolicky. So that when you are depressed he will show he cares, and when you’re angry he will respect it, as long as you are not disrespectful or hurtful.

      • J.a. Ct says:

        This is great advice and I will second it. I let my man know when I am going out alone. He respects my space and allows me to enjoy my personal time. I do the same for him. As much as I love him, I need to keep my own identity. Not only for my own personal growth but the health and growth of our relationship. This intensifies his want to be physically and emotionally close and share his life, Rare women who can love a man for all his short comings, do their best to understand him, support him and remain femininely independent will find themselves rewarded a thousand times over by a high value man.

      • Lenny25 says:

        Wow!! i’m 26 and this is actually the 1st time i’ve ever heard a woman take responsibility for a failed relationship. I’m in total awe of your honest. It’s takes wisdom to assess oneself. I really am impressed. Faith restored. thank you.

    • Ali says:

      If all the guys a girl likes either won’t give her the time of day or will only sleep with her but not commit to her then she is going for guys that are out of her league and are just using her for sex

      • Lenny25 says:

        Ali you are on point with your analysis. In the long run women lose. trust me they eventually need a real man as the days get colder and the nights darker. invest in a real man in your young age so he will invest in you when your skin start shriveling. oh those days do finally come. there’re 40, 50 something women who go to bed alone every night because they made wrong choices earlier and thought that the world revolved around them. I’ve 20 years older women hit on me on the constant. it just saddens me.

    • DeltaPeng says:

      Part of it is that a relationship takes two people. While I agree with the article that men would find women who are not controlling, more attractive, as the relationship grows then if the man wanted to commit to the woman in a deeper way it should become obvious over time. In the article the word ‘commitment’ was kind of painted in a bad light and I disagree with that. Commitment is good and should come naturally as people trust each other and the relationship grows. Trying to micromanage everything and not giving your partner room to breathe and be an individual and have time to themselves, that is the bad thing (so, freedom in being and decision making, but not freedom to do things like sleep around, of course]).

      Imo, In a more serious / dating relationship, the goal should be seeing whether the two people are suitable for each other for marriage. It helps to talk about it early and set expectations, as people understand ‘dating’ differently than others. Being a woman who is attractive and high valued to men, is I think a good goal for all ladies, but because free will exists, there is no guarantee that the guy you’re crushing on has to remain with you. And vice versa. There’s that freedom to date and court people, but it’s when the knot is tied (per marriage) where the commitment can come and ideally remain ‘for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death due you part’ (the good kind, related to faithfulness to one another and the relationship and future family/kids, not micromanagement or trying to control each other)

      That’s my take on it. Though I’m sorry that in your example, he didn’t feel committed to remain in the relationship with you. I think a lot of us have had struggles figuring this relationship thing out, but with discussion and such we will hopefully get better at it and finding the genuine and fulfilling relationships we seek

  • SarahElizabeth says:

    I just read this article and feel so much better about my relationship . I went through a horrible marriage that was a roller coaster and left me with a lot of circumstances that make me miserable like sharing my child and still having to remain connected to a man I cannot stand because he is mean and hurtful and unfortunately you never get privacy when divorced with children. But the relationship I am in now I do not want anything bad to happen ever and want to please him and keep him happy in every way and he do the same . I know there are other reasons besides factors you have mentioned but I see so much truth in what you have to say! Thanks for the great input 😉

  • Pedro says:

    Renee, are you a guy? or has a guy to write these things for you? Because God damnit woman, you know what a man thinks, and at least so far, I’ve seen seen any biased opinions written by you

  • Coco says:

    Hello
    I would love your opinion.
    There is a guy I’m deeply in love with but despite us having long conversations, amazing sex and chemistry it seems he doesn’t want to give up his fun lifestyle. He’s always on boys holidays or trips with his friends. We live 6 hours apart, and when we were dating he was stationed overseas which makes it harder and use to do the long distance and fly back and forth which just got to hard so we called it off. It’s now a year later and after not speaking for 6monthd we have started talking, and it’s always so hot and cold, one minute we are skyping for hours, sending photos and just chatting about our lives the next I don’t hear from him in a week or 2. He says how great it would be to live closer and talks about how much he thinks I’m great, very passionate and complimentary. He’s in the army so hard to live in the same place. We have always lived a part so never been able to cement or grow a proper relationship. We now rarely see each other but when we do its amazing, so much in common, so easy and incredible sex. He says he thinks I’m amazing, beautiful etc but then if he really loved me wouldn’t he commit and come see me at the weekends instead of going skiing, or other places with his mates, he’s 34yrs!!
    I have been dating other guys as we aren’t in a relationship but I’m always comparing others to him and longing for him that it’s so saddening.
    Any advice please….

  • favour o says:

    I LOVE THIS GUY AND IT DIFFICULT TO LET HIM GO THOUGH I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND TO LET D RELATIONSHIP SCCATER BECOS AM TIRED OF TRYING BUT I DISCOVERD THAT DESPITE EVERY THING I STILL LOVE THIS MAN VERY MUCH.AND HE REFUSES TO CALL OR TEX BUT WHEN I CALL OR TEX HE RESPOND.

    • Ali says:

      Invite you to notice all the guys a girl likes as you either won’t give her the time of day to the point where will only sleep with her but not commit. she ponders and suddenly realizes as you are going for guys that are out of her league and are just using her for sex

  • Laura says:

    Hi there,

    We know each other 6 months ago, talk to each other everyday, hang out 2 or 3 times per week. He talks to me about his plans and thoughts. Shares his life and talks to people about me even though I haven’t met his parents. We have made some plans together. We share intimacy, not very often but we do and he says we’re not dating and that nothing is going on between us. That he doesn’t want a relationship. I feel his committment but it is not nice hearing this from him. I decided to move away, and I don’t regret it as I become a different person by learning from you, but I still want to understand the situation and what was the best thing to do to get the best out of this situation.

    Thanks a lot.

    • Myview says:

      Hi Laura,
      It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. It’s time for you to tell yourself that you deserve better. Tell your self this everyday and believe it “This is me Laura, in all of my splendor it does not get better than this” dump him! A real man who will worship and adore you and wants to FULLY commit to you will appear.
      It all starts from within you. Why will you settle for the crumbs this man is “offering” you. Is this the kind of “relationship” you want? If it is then stay with him if not dump him. I bet you he is seeing other women too.

      My two cents and good luck.

  • chris60 says:

    What a fascinating perspective from a female writer… The assumption that men pay more in a relationship? Many women today work to support unemployed men. The assumption that a relationship is based on passion,,,aka sex or physical intimacy as the central component of a good relationship. While the emphasis is on providing great sex what happens to the pull for intimacy and the sense of loneliness that can develop when you seem to talk in different tongues? Commitment seems a natural progression once intimacy has been attained if a strong bond is to develop and both people feel compatible in and out of the bedroom and hold shared goals and ideals. Hot sex means little without intimacy, and intimacy develops from a sense of closeness and rapport. Men won’t commit unless they feel that they are getting what they want…a trophy bride? a free ride? or someone who makes their life easier and more fulfilling. Same goes for women when deciding if they want to settle down with this person. Individuals want different things and will search until they find a match. Some people have unrealistic expectations while others simply don’t know what they want…the benefits of a relationship without the strangle-hold or obligations of commitment.

  • John says:

    This article says a lot of sensible stuff. And I think women can regard the perfect man as like their best girlfriend, with a better job, but without the rivalry. But even your best girlfriend would tire of an hour-long disection of your day every day, and she’d struggle to be the perfect motionless human pillow for hours each night. Commitment is code for marriage. And a marriage is sharing the burden of creating something great – perhaps a brood of healthy happy new people or some other shared goal. No one wants to share that burden with a partner who is wasteful with time and resources or who lacks in skills. if you want a person to commit, attraction is important, but just as important is prudence and practical and emotional skills. But the key thing is that they have to share a strong desire for the same goal as you, something they can only achieve with you, otherwise there’s no point in accepting all the irritations and burdens.

  • Lilly says:

    Hi renee

    I’ve started reading articles from the website and blog and I m fairly new at this

    I just want to know as it seems most advice leads to building attraction and connection and although I feel stupid what is that? I mean what does that look like if you had to give a real life example of attraction and connection?

    Another question if u been dating a guy for 2 years of which 4 times during these 2 years he kept saying he is unsure what if there is someone better out there and how would u know if you don’t take the chance – does this make him a commitment phone or someone that’s just scared or someone that is unsure

    I love our articles and advice I think it’s great I just struggle to understand the attraction and connection part and even though I’ve read through the articles I would love if you can maybe give some examples

  • ta strona says:

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  • Sara says:

    I am a 22 year old college student, and I lived my whole life with my single father. I pretty much felt like a surrogate wife, for as soon as I turned 7 or 8 I had to do the dishes, mow the lawn, take out the trash, clean the bathroom, clean the tv, etc. etc. And to add to that, my father is also a compulsive hoarder, and I had to spend an entire college summer getting four houses worth of junk to sell at an auction. Nothing went for the prices he wanted, and screamed and complained about it for months.

    My point behind that sob story is that I had to give up my “freedom” to make somebody able to move out of his old house and I got screamed at 99% of the time anyway, often in front of other people. I even had a nervous breakdown and disowned him for awhile. So I can understand why men don’t want to commit, as I see husbands get their butts chewed in public by their chunky wives that cut off all their hair and threw away their makeup and jewelry. I doubt I’ll get married either…

  • Jasmine says:

    Hey well, there is a guy who really liked me and I liked him back. He was shy and I was and am too, so I just can’t make myself tell him “I like you” but whenever he tries to be in touch I act naturally and do not shy to show that I like him and he does too. But he never asks me out or makes anything clear. I kinda forget him but at this moment he keeps coming back talking and etc and then is gone. That is already for almost 4 years and I can’t help that. So guess that is a commitment phobia, but you know I just can’t focus on any other man cause I am really crazy about him. I am from east part of the world and open initiative from women are not welcome from man if you want to be seriousely taken and even if that wasn’t this way I just don’t have courage, maybe I have the same problem as him, commitment and he is acscuse running from others too. I am already almost 25 and I have not had a lasting relationship, someone I could ever called boyfriend. Guess I am crazy or madly in love in him, confused

  • Anonymous says:

    I meant some not done people — sorry for the typo!!

  • Anonymous says:

    I don’t agree with this article I will not elaborate why after reading other comments . It seems done people are very offended by comments it seems to have turned into a battle

  • True says:

    hey wait a minute here, i am a straight man that can commit. but the problem is that there are just too many very TRASHY women out there now.

    • Ufunny says:

      No the problem is you rather spend time on a website complaining about trashy women than looking for a good woman.

      • True says:

        for your information, i am a good guy but seem to meet all the loser women. not my fault that women have changed for the worse nowadays.

  • dave says says:

    how can men commit to women that are so nasty and like to cheat a lot? the average woman out there now seems to need so many different boyfriends, one for each day of the week.

  • very serious says says:

    i am a man that would love to commit to the right woman, since i was married at one time. when i go to work it is hard enough as it is, and then to come home to an empty house with no one around is worse. it is wonderful to come home to a wife and family if you are VERY EXTREMELY LUCKY, instead of being alone. i am one of many men as you can see that having a wonderful woman to share a life with certainly makes a lot of sense to me, and being alone is just like having CANCER. you may not agree with me with my comment, but loneliness is no way to live. and when the holidays come around it is worse for me, and this is the reason i will go out every single night just not to be home alone. for you men and women that are together, be VERY THANKFUL having each other. PEACE.

  • Alex says:

    The simple answer to this in my opinion is American women have nothing to offer a man other than sex. I know it sounds rude but it is the truth. People do not have to commit or marry anyone, we are free to enjoy the life we make. If a man has to toil his whole life in making a living why would he want to have to carry a woman with a load of baggage? How does this add any thing positive to a man’s life? I am answering the question why men won’t commit to a woman, well even though there are many available women there are not that many worth commiting to, once again what do women today have to offer a man but stress and worry? I think women may be pretty but i don’t want them around unless they bring me happiness even if that sounds arrogant. Hey its my life, she either is my girlfriend or lover or she has to hit the road.

  • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

    Just by the way…as a man who was with one woman for 23 years I DID commit….and what did it get me? My children were kidnapped. My house stolen. My business destroyed. Even my own FATHER hated on me.

    THAT is what the BEST husbands and fathers have to look forward to.

    So I left. I will not stay where I am not welcome. I refused to attend my mothers funeral and I will not be attending my fathers funeral either.

    If you treat the BEST of husbands and fathers like criminals then you do not deserve to have husbands and fathers. And lots of women are marrying the state via welfare. I am now teaching men how to refuse to pay alimony, child support and income taxes so as to cut off the welfare. You women do not get to rob us for welfare money having thrown good husbands in the garbage.

    The refusal of men to marry is a direct result of the criminal victimisation of men. And in my books I have published original court documents to show the lads what they are REALLY in for. The lads could not believe my ex asked for 83% and got 95%.

    I tell all lads now 5% is the new 50% and ALL the women agree with this in the west.

    • DUH obvious says:

      “THAT is what the BEST husbands and fathers have to look forward to” — hahaha, maybe you weren’t the best and that’s why what happened to you happened to you. Your arrogance at being this so called “BEST” is probably what got you into trouble. Who wants to spend their life with someone as arrogant as you. Seriously get over yourself, PLEASE.

    • DUH obvious says:

      “Women are just doing what men have done since the beginning of time” — when i made this quote i was talking about women being able to sleep around more because of birth control. I was not talking about cheating. Please stop using my quotes without proper context. It makes you look pathetic and disgusting.

      • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

        “when i made this quote i was talking about women being able to sleep around more because of birth control.”

        There is no evidence that men slept around any more than women over the last 2000 years in jewish, christian, muslim societies. If you have some evidence present it rather than just make statements.

        In jewish, christian, muslim societies sex before marriage was VERY heavily frowned upon and the girl was under the protection of her father. Young women were escorted everywhere and not allowed to be alone with boys. This is because of the permissive nature of FEMALES and not because men are somehow “predatory”. In intimate relationships it is really the FEMALE that is predatory among humans.

        The girl was married to a man and then the man was responsible to ensure the woman did not cheat. Adultery by women was severely punished. Rape by men was severely punished. This has been the case for at LEAST 2,000 years.

        The FAR more likely case was women, being hypergamous in nature, tried to get sperm from what they perceived as the “alpha males” to try and get the strongest babies to support them in their old age. Babies were welfare for women.

        To this end it is well documented women in Rome used to bribe guards to let them have sex with gladiators and criminals in order to try and get pregnant from them and then get their husbands to pay for the babies. Cuckolding is very common among women and 99% of women agree with the practice. Men find that practice abhorrent. You can go and listen to Tom Lykiss shows on this subject and you can hear women call in and defend the practice of cuckolding on the basis that it is good for the baby to get sperm from the strongest man rather than the husband.

        These are the facts. When they are revealed to lad you women shoot the messenger. Guess what? This messenger has taken everything women can dish out and I am doing just fine. So we are going to keep denouncing western women as liars and hypocrites in the 99.9% majority until every man who has been criminally victimised has his day in court.

        • DUH obvious says:

          My problem with you isn’t the evidence your spewing. You, I and everyone on this board knows that their is a diverse amount of “scientific evidence” and “historical facts” to support any claim anyone wants to make to support ANY AGENDA. My problem is that you used my words without context to make it seem like i was saying something that i obviously wasn’t. You are disgusting for doing that, and i don’t see how any woman would want to be with the likes of you. Your divorce is no surprise to me.

          P.S i also used to listen to Tom, but i stopped after he applauded a man for sleeping with another man’s fiancée. He pretty much laughed at the guy who got cheated on. As entertaining as Tom is, I don’t support that.

    • DUH obvious says:

      Stop projecting your experiences onto everyone else. Not everyone is as arrogant as you. REMEMBER THAT

      • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

        DUH,
        you do not get to tell me what I will do. I am a sovereign and I decide what I will do.

        So far more than 100 MILLION men have had their lives ruined by selfish women. Not even TOM CRUISE AND PAUL MCCARTNEY are good enough husbands yet. And THAT is what we are telling the lads. That whatever women tell you on the way into the marriage those same women stay silent on such faithless women gold diggers as Katie Holmes and Heather Mills.

        Silence is consent so young women consent to this sort of treatment by women of men. THAT is what we are telling the lads. You women might want to listen to these two videos…I will put them in a separate link as posts with links are moderated.

        • Wagga Woman says:

          You are the biggest gold digger Nolan. You disowned your own children to avoid paying child support. You ran away to Germany and continue to hide under a rock with your keyboard spewing your malignant hatred over the internet. You are not a sovereign. You are a pathetic middle aged douchebag who was a bad husband and a bad father. Arrested for assaulting your ex-wife with a broken bottle. Not even your own parents, brothers, or friends can stand you any more.

    • DUH obvious says:

      ” I am now teaching men how to refuse to pay alimony, child support and income taxes so as to cut off the welfare”

      DISGUSTING, so because a divorce happens children must suffer. Your disgusting. You have a bad relationship with your kids, ex wife, and parents. This right here is what makes me laugh when you call yourself one of the “best husbands”. Maybe the problem isn’t everybody else, maybe it’s you. HAHAHA

    • DUH obvious says:

      lol, your very naive to think that “truths” haven’t been constructed to support agendas. This is basic undergraduate media class kind of knowledge. Since the beginning of time people have passed psuedoscience as truth to keep other groups of people down to support their agendas. Maybe you live in a perfect world where no one on lies, but i don’t. Your ignorance of history has fueled your naivety and im embarrassed for you.

      Also you still haven’t addressed how you disgustingly misconstrued my words by quoting them without their context to deliver your message. I may be skeptical about facts, but its because of people like you that take others peoples words and distort them for your own agenda. Im a skeptic, but your a liar. I am not surprised that your divorced. Who would want to be with someone who does these kind of things.

      Also i laugh when you say that your experience is what the best husbands have to look forward to. My parents have been married for 23 years and my father nor mother have never have taken such airs as calling themselves the best husband and wife. Ever think your arrogance is the problem.

    • rosslyn says:

      Sorry but your story is missing a few pieces. I was a dedicated Mother taking care of a baby 24/7 with a husband doing an on the road sales job that he wanted to do. I would have been happy for him to earn less money and work in town so we could have been a family.

      He cheated on me, forced me to stay in this country so he could have his parenting time and then even though I had been at home with our son helping him with the sales business didn’t want to pay me a cent. He even fought me for 50/50 custody although he is on the road 2/3 of the time-unbelievable !!!!!!!!Keep in mind I moved here from Canada to marry and start our family and I had no one else here except for his sorry a#$.

      People like you are what is wrong with the system. I don’t know who you think you are but I am sad to say that you are doing no one any favors by encouraging men to believe they have no responsibility to take for the lives they create and destroy.

    • Fay says:

      Who said you were the best husband, a good husband? Men always say there good but we find out otherwise.

  • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

    Renee,
    it is WOMEN who will not commit…NOT men. WOMEN cause 90% of divorces NOT MEN.

    WOMEN get the house, the kids, the car, the business, the money in divorce. NOT the men.

    When my fav#1 and I were talking about marriage and commitment I told her

    “Women have destroyed commitment via divorce. So when we are married commitment means you get to stay until morning. After that, it is a new day. That is the new commitment.”

    Rather than talk about why men wont commit why dont you do an article on why do women cause 90% of divorces, break their marriage vows, dishonour their contracts, abuse their children and use them as weapons?

    Why dont you talk about all the bad things WOMEN do and address them rather than misandric articles as to mens reactions to 30 years of criminal abuse in the family courts.

    Oh..in case you have not seen it….try watching this video and ask yourself why ANY man would want to have 95% of the proceeds of his 25 years of labour stolen.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL7KT4FkA0c

  • Good morning says:

    Im a mid thirties man who cannot marry in the Anglosphere due to the financial risks. I own my own company and am relocating to Singapore, along with my company (last year had around 3 mil n payroll) this is not the only reason of course but as a never married man, I will father my child by purchasing an egg from 1 woman and hiring a surrogate to carry my child. That way no one can ever take my child on a whim. This is an option of last resort and it saddens me that it has come to this. I do not know who is at fault for our current state of affairs, but I do know that we all have lost

    • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

      Good morning,
      as a man who had his children kidnapped and his business destroyed in divorce…this is your best option….the other option is a vasectomy and forget about kids….kids today are ungrateful brats anyway. I disowned my former children and will have nothing to do with them. They disgust me in their attitudes. They do not deserve a father.

      • Wagga Woman says:

        Lies! Your children were not kidnapped. You disowned them. Your business was not destroyed in divorce. You’re just not good at what you do. That’s why you’re broke. Kids are not ungrateful brats. Yours are discerning individuals who refuse to react to your bullying them for money and threatening them PUBLICLY with death if they do not comply with your insane demands.

      • Shannon Dorman says:

        Children are like dogs. Ungrateful brats=bad parenting! Children deserve good parenting so they can grow up & add value to the world. Sorry that yours apparently missed out on that & now you’re missing out on the joy of a job well done.

  • mark says says:

    TO DUH OBVIOUS, many of those dating sites are garbage. so many women that go on there, are full of lies. what makes you think that it is any better. many women that are on there, can’t even tell the truth at all about themselves. i been on the site already, and many women are not just worth meeting at all. in fact, some of them are very scarey.

    • DUH obvious says:

      Im not sure what kind of lies your talking about, but i know plenty of men and women who found successful relationships online. The problem is probably YOU. Sorry,

  • JACK says:

    first of all, i am one of so many men that CAN COMMIT. i hate being alone as it is, because it is certainly no fun at all. i like very much to meet a woman that can COMMIT to me as well. it is certainly VERY HARD for men like us that are very seriously looking to meet a woman, and share a life together. i do have to say that women ARE NOT looking to meet men, like they once use to. you can’t BLAME us men, that are really trying. it seems that women today, just want to date as many men as they possibly can instead of just COMMITTING TO JUST ONE. i certainly AGREE what the other guy said as well. where can men go to really find a GOOD WOMAN? it seems all the good ones have been taken. i must say that, i myself come across so many women that do have that ATTITUDE PROBLEM TODAY. why is that?

    • DUH obvious says:

      “i myself come across so many women that do have that ATTITUDE PROBLEM TODAY. why is that?”

      Its the same reason so many men have an attitude problem.

  • dennis says says:

    the problem today is that certain men can COMMIT, but it is the women that really can’t COMMIT. many of us men do want to find that special woman for us to commit too, but women are not certainly looking for that now. it is just that the GOOD WOMEN AND THE GOOD MEN can’t seem to connect with one another anymore, like they once use to.

  • Zandra says:

    Wow, this post really highlight the difference between men and women. I live alone and I’m absolutely committed to taking out the trash every week and doing the dishes after every meal, because I don’t want dirty dishes and full trash bins sitting around my apartment. If I turn out to be unmarriageable, I will commit to paying the mortgage on a house alone, because having a comfortable, welcoming home of my own in which to host the people I love is a priority to me. It surprised me to read that single men don’t do these things themselves.

    • mike says:

      since many women nowadays, seem to have a need to be with so many men, it will be hard for the men that are looking to meet a good woman that just can’t commit to just only one man. just too many FILTHY WHORES now.

      • DUH obvious says:

        men are just mad because women are sleeping around as much as they do. Theirs this saying “treat others the way you want to be treated”. Mike you should thank who ever created birth control. Now women can sleep around as much as men

        • DUH obvious says:

          Women are just doing what men have done since the beginning of time. Its funny how you deem women filthy for sleeping around but you say nothing about men who do the same. Its this kind of double standard that inspire women to sleep around. You have no one to blame but your self

        • Peter-Andrew: Nolan(c) says:

          “Women are just doing what men have done since the beginning of time.”

          These are the same tired old lies that women like to throw around. There is NO EVIDENCE that men have EVER cheated more than women…indeed the evidence points in the other direction that women cheat more than men. ALL eastern european women I talk to on this point say women have always cheated more than men because they have more opportunities to and the men are not spying on them believing them to be faithful.

          On a recent german television show where 100 women were being interview ALL 100 said they would cheat if the fancy took them. Indeed they did not even see it as “cheating”. They saw that they “deserved” a bit of variety.

          Time to tell the truth. Like I said on another post. If women were only honest they might improve relationships a LOT.

      • Zandra says:

        How is this related to my comment?

  • DUH obvious says:

    DUH BIRTH CONTROL, Thats why women will never be as before. Women are still angry about the inequality they HAD to endure for the past i dont know how many years. It was either get married, be an old maid, or be a whore. With birth control their are more options. They dont have to put up with so many things they had to put up with before. Women have been jealous for years about mens promiscouisty and now they want to enjoy the same sexual behavoir men have been reveling in for years. Get used to it, because women are still angry and jealous of all the years they HAD to play nice. As a female i dont participate in this type of behavoir but i understand where its coming from. Also i dont date men who participate in this behavioura either. I refuse to be the good girl who waits for a man to tire of spreading his wild oats. Im a good girl who will only be a bad girl for a good boy.

    • RON says:

      TO DUH OBVIOUS, if so many women did not have to run around with so many different men, maybe so many of us men would COMMIT. so many women these days have a need to be with so many men at one time. it sounds to me that many of you women are having a CONTEST with one another to see how many men you can date at one time. GROW UP ALREADY.

      • DUH obvious says:

        Whats so amazing about committing to one man. PLEASE TELL ME

        • DUH obvious says:

          Why should women commit. Birth control has allowed women to be as sexually promiscuous as you men have been since the beginning of time. GET USED TO IT DUHHHH

        • RON SAYS says:

          well just think about it, if many of you women had a BRAIN, you would be very dangerous.

      • DUH obvious says:

        Im not sure what you mean by dangerous, but today more women graduate from college than men. Although men still out earn women, that will change because everyone knows majority rules. If men had brains they would raise their sons based on sexual equality. Men since the beginning of time believed they could sow their wild oats with the whores and then marry a nice girl. Men are mad now because women are starting to do the same thing with the help of birth control. Screw around when their young and then marry the nice guys. Maybe if so many men didn’t perpetuate the double standards women would think relationships are worth while. Women are jealous and their acting out by acting like stereotypical men. Men have no one to blame but themselves.

        • RON says:

          like i have said with my last comment, there are many of us men that do want to find the RIGHT WOMAN TO COMMIT TOO. i hate going to the clubs on the weekends as it is, because it is like a game that many of you women are PLAYING. and what i mean by DANGEROUS, is that you women would be much more EDUCATED than you are today. i for one, do not play games. i just want to meet a good woman for me, that can make me happy. since i was married before, my wife was the one that CHEATED on me. i was a VERY GOOD HUSBAND, and i thought that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her. women who cheat are WHORES, and they are certainly no ANGEL for doing so. don’t get me WRONG, many men do cheat as well. i would say the DIVORCE RATE is over FIFTY PERCENT TODAY, and it is more of the women who cause them. lets face it, much more men and women were certainly COMMITTED to one another back then. women and men had to accept one another for each other, and since many of you women now are making a lot more money than a lot of men, you have that i am better than you ATTITUDE. just remember, there are a lot of us GOOD MEN out there that can TREAT a woman very well.

        • DUH obvious says:

          If you want a relationship go on a dating site. I personally think its naive to expect to find a person who’s looking for a relationship in a club or bar setting. Clubs and Bars are for one night stands in my opinion. We ARE more educated today; i JUST said we graduate at higher rates. Has it crossed your mind that people were more committed because social stigmas were different back then, not because they were so much more in love. Women file for divorce more but men cheat more, so still no one to blame but themselves. Women make money in a way where they dont have to stay with cheating scum bags. Years before women had to stay with cheaters because women didnt have working rights. I really cant believe you go clubbing and expect to find a relationship. Im sorry but thats laughable. Havent you heard of eharmony

  • want to commit says says:

    i am one of so many men that would want to COMMIT to just one woman. but there are so many women out there now that do need to GROW UP, and stop playing the GAMES that they are now playing. i am a very serious, down to earth man that hates going to the CLUBS on the weekends. it is hard just to try to start a CONVERSATION with the woman that i would very much like to meet. i will admit, being alone and single certainly sucks for me. since i am up there in my AGE, it is a lot harder for me meeting a GOOD WOMAN TODAY. it is the women of today, that really are the ones that do not want to COMMIT. i will agree that there are so many men that don’t want to commit, and do enjoy their life the way it is. i am one of many men that would like to SHARE a life with a woman that can make me VERY HAPPY AGAIN. i do not have that many friends, since many of them were VERY LUCKY to have met the RIGHT WOMAN for them and have FAMILIES NOW. i certainly would have wanted the same. the way that women have CHANGED TODAY, does certainly makes it worse for us men. there are many of us STRAIGHT MEN that are available, and would know how to treat women today. but there are so many women that are LESBIANS NOW, stopping us men from meeting a DECENT WOMAN TODAY. can’t blame us men that are looking.

  • schatzi says:

    I’m new to this blog, but I read this article and most of the comments, and I’m surprised, almost shocked, by te level of selfishness and just plain meanness I’ve read. Whatever happened to giving from the heart? I must be naive in my own relationhip, which is committed and happy, because I actually do put his needs ahead of my own instead of making demands, and together we are building a relationship based on love, emotional connection, and mutual respect – NOT sex. Been there in the past, done that, and after the passion is spent one is left with the sad question – what’s next? I’ve had my share of bad relationships, and I own that sometimes it was my fault, but I’m older now and have different needs. We live in an incredibly selfish world, it’s always been that way, but if a person – man or woman – truly loves someone, giving from the heart comes naturally, and if it doesn’t, you’re with the wrong guy. I feel sorry for all the hatred and bitterness between men and women but i won’t let it pollute my heart.

    • GoldFish says:

      I know it’s a silly question, but where can I find a girl like you? You sound like you don’t play the deceitful, painful mind games that most women do. And you have your priorities straight – love, emotional connection, mutual respect. I guess what I’m really asking is how can I tell a girl has these qualities?

      • Starfire says:

        If a TRUE feminine woman REALLY loves you, she won’t play those mind games. Most women however are deceitful because they feel as if their man doesn’t understand them. It’s rather sad, but if you want to find a girl that will not play with your mind/feelings, all you have to do is love her for who she truly is. You have to give her all of your love u-n-c-o-n-d-i-t-i-o-n-a-l-l-y. It may seem hard to do, but if she’s truly a good woman, she will NEVER play mind games with you. 🙂

    • Starfire says:

      I completely agree with you. Even though we live in a selfish world, love isn’t selfish at all. When you truly love a person, it’s with the heart. However, I don’t think the main goal of this article was to bemean. I think it was to inform women about how men think and how they must have some freedom in the relationship 🙂

  • A. says:

    I feel very sorry for anyone who blames the opposite sex as a whole for anything. I had some pretty terrible things happen to me and i can say that not all men are bad people. Just as i know not all women are bad people. Some of us get really unlucky and meet alot of rotten eggs before we find one worth keeping.

    Ive been abused, rejected, assulted, you name it. But guess what ive been with the love of my life the last year and he would never dream of doing any of those things to me. He has a problem saying i love you. I get it, his X cheated on him and hes got some babies mama issues. But i dont wanna be put into that catagory of “crazy woman ” when ive done nothing to him to deserve it. I let him work out his issues and i just told him the other day ” i want someone who can love me. If you are not that man then im sorry thanks for the fun and the good times. You will always be my friend but its time to move on”

    When he heard that he stopped taking for granted all the nice things i do. I dont expect it to be perminant nor am i trying to change him. I just blatently told him what im looking for and if he isent it then ill move along. However i love him to death but i wont find happiness in loving someone who is just a friend who likes to sleep with me.

  • joe says says:

    it is hard for us men to COMMIT to women nowadays, and most of them have the attitude problem, as well as mental problems too.

  • billyo says says:

    in my opinion, it is more of the women that do not want to commit. i certainly agree with the other guy, knowing how women are acting today. they play very hard to get, and are so very nasty to talk too nowadays. what seems to be the problem with you women today? i am one of many serious minded, down to earth men that is looking to meet a good woman today, and have that commitment with her, and maybe get married again. i hate the bar scene as it is, because i did this garbage many years ago, and history seems to repeat itself for me again. i feel as if god is punishing me, and i do not know why. when i see many men out there that were very lucky to have met the right woman for them and have a family, it does make me upset. i always had hoped that it was going to happen to me, but so far no. i can’t blame myself, since many women today have certainly changed. i am a straight man, that certainly would like to have a good woman in my life. can’t blame me for that can you? it seems that so many women nowadays, are attracted to the low life, bad boy type of men. so very sad. for the men and women that were very lucky to hook up with one another, you should go to church to pray and thank god for having each other. it seems that god works for you, and not me.

    • The Prophecy says:

      ATTENTION it is hard to commit to women this days most women expect so much from use now in the future i bet there be more single guys at the age of 30 above because women replace our role as lovers, companion and protectors it is sad sad world for men in the future. men’s function in the future might just be donors of sperms. the bad boy theme doesn’t appeal to women anymore because ( In this modern time we live in…. there is no such thing as Straight woman anymore if before the amount of gay guys are more than lesbians, now the amount of bisexual, bi curious and lesbians out number straight women and this straight women can become bi-curious and eventual become bi or lez. we don’t even know if our grandmothers were lesbians or bi but hid it now there is freedom the chains and closets has been opened and it haven’t begun yet)

      what i’m saying is true… it is based on scientific studies WE MEN are doomed i don’t wanna see the world where men are just donors of sperms that has no family and girl on girl relationships bloom and a woman-woman family is more common than man-woman.

      THIS must be a consequence to us men because most of us looked at them as sex objects, took them for granted and treated them unfairly …. let’s admit it that the society has been patriarchal for thousand of years and women has been treated like slaves before this modern era now our manly reign is over women will take over replacing men’s job as husband, bread winners and protectors a martiarcal society will soon consume this world

  • Tanja says:

    Great article and very true. Many men (not all) do NOT want to commit to more than they have too. My partner is the same and sees marriage, planning holidays, talking about important “stuff” as a negative aspect in life. I said to him it’s time he grew up because that’s life and commitment will always be a part of life especially when you have a family. It’s how you perceive it and deal with it. He likes to turn marriage, holidays etc and make it as a negative scenario and turns it around to make out that it’s all me and only what I want. I said to him planning holidays, marriage, family photos are not commitments it’s something you should want to happily do for yourself and your family. It’s something you do as a family. I have way more commitments (stuff that has to be done I don’t like to do but have to do it) I told him. So I gave him a choice. Either he grows up and deals with commitments and what life throws at you when you have a family or you can take your bachelor freedom back. It’s up to you. I was assertive and firm and I think it gave him something to think about because he’s been sweet and good as pie lately. Sometimes whether male or female you just have to grow up.

    • Juan says:

      ah. the typical female ultimatum threat when somethings, which is all things, don’t go her way. “relinquish personal freedoms or i will stop having sex with you at first, then i take my vagina and offer it to some one else who will relinquish personal freedoms, and do what he doesn’t like doing in order to make me happy because it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to…”

      lol. my response to ultimatum. just leave and abandon her like the bitch she is. leave her in her kennel to whore her vagina off to other saps.

      why would you want to do something you don’t like doing…

      • FreeMen says:

        You’re absolutely correct, Juan! We can also look divorce rates to show who REALLY won’t commit!

        — Divorce rate is over 50%
        — Women instigate 85% of divorces
        — Men divorce 40% of women for poor behavior (cheating, lying, etc.)

        If women claim men are the ones who don’t commit to marriage, why are women instigating more divorces?

        Food for thought: What legal obligations do men have in marriage vs women?

      • Tanja says:

        Vulgar comments aren’t necessary. It takes two to make a relationship work and to always communicate about how you feel even if it means it’s time to grow up especially once you’ve made the commitment to have children. More importantly to find out what values you each have about what you want out of your relationship and if the values you have are the same or at least similar. For example if HER values are marriage, family and security and HIS values are adventure, career and sports then you can see how the relationship is already headed for challenges. It makes sense and if you get involved in a relationship and looking to get serious and committed then find out about what each of your values are. If you’re both on a similar path. A piece of advice I learnt later. Many women assume men want the same as themselves and then try to change a man and that can’t happen. But I do believe you can inspire one another in a relationship to bring out the best in one another. Communication to commitment is the key.

        • FreeMen says:

          Besides all this great evidence that men aren’t to blame for commitment problems:

          All women want to get married.
          But no women want marriage.

          I’ll say it again.

          All women want to GET married.
          But no women want MARRIAGE.

          They want the ceremony.

          Women are childlike creatures. A marriage ceremony is like a gigantic birthday party all for her.
          They CRAVE attention! As much of it as they can possibly squeeze out of everyone! Naturally, a wedding accomplishes this goal for women.

          Speak up, married/previously married guys.
          Was your wife/ex-wife focused on YOU during the ceremony or all the ATTENTION she was getting from friends and family?

        • Alex says:

          Actually I Dnt want to get married I want a man who wants a future with me. Someone who loves me not sees me as a toy. I’m looking for a life partner not a friend to shoot the shit with. I Dnt have sex with friends that’s reserved for people who are special to me. Not all women are the same just like not all men

        • MARK SAYS says:

          TO TANJA, you should understand that it is the women that are so messed up these days, many women today, like to party a lot. they are really looking to date as many men as they possibly can. it appears to me, that many of you women are having a contest to see how many men you can date at one time, instead of just having ONLY ONE MAN to be with. there are many of us GOOD STRAIGHT MEN that are looking for a GOOD STRAIGHT WOMAN. it seems that there are so much more LESBIANS now than ever before adding to the problem. whatever happened to the good women that we had years ago. women back then were certainly a lot SMARTER, than the ones that are out there now.

        • hmm says:

          BIRTH CONTROL, Thats why women will never be as before. Women are still angry about the inequality they HAD to endure for the past i dont know how many years. It was either get married, be an old maid, or be a whore. With birth control their are more options. They dont have to put up with so many things they had to put up with before. Women have been jealous for years about mens promiscouisty and now they want to enjoy the same sexual behavoir men have been reveling in for years. Get used to it, because women are still angry and jealous of all the years they HAD to play nice. As a female i dont participate in this type of behavoir but i understand where its coming from. Also i dont date men who participate in this behavioura either. I refuse to be the good girl who waits for a man to tire of spreading his wild oats. Im a good girl who will only be a bad girl for a good boy.

          • Lenny25 says:

            You seem like a nice woman that all guys want. whore and assholes deserve each other. I don’t think guys have a problem with women who administer they junks at will. it’s when you start claiming chastity when you finally meet Mr good enough that we have problems. Even whores on the streets start acting like wife material as soon as they learn you are an engineer. lol

  • FRANKO SAYS says:

    it is the women that are at fault here, and so many of the women are not looking for a relationship with many of us straight men that are really looking to settle down. why should us men be to blame? i am one of the men out there that is looking to meet a good woman for me, and have the relationship with her. i have been married at one time, but my wife turned out to be the FILTHY WHORE, that i never knew. certainly can’t blame myself for the LOW LIFE LOSER that she turned out to be. by the way, i was a VERY CARING AND LOVING HUSBAND, and never did CHEAT on her. but she did CHEAT on me, and i loved her very much and was COMMITTED to her as well. now alone and single again, REALLY SUCKS for me. it is just that so many women today, like to have as many men at one time to please their SORRY ASS. in fact, many women today are just FILTHY PIGS NOWADAYS, so very sad.

    • michelle says:

      i have little faith that people who make close minded generalized statements will find happiness with the opposite sex. I cant understand why someone would want to be with someone as bitter as you, especially when you want to play the blame game on an entire gender population. My father cheated on my mother but because i didn’t generalize that all men where cheaters i was able to stay positive and find a man that ive had17 amazing loyal years with. I would recommend seeking therapy.

      • FRANKO SAYS says:

        first of all, i am not the one that CHEATED on my wife. second of all, i was just too good to the FILTHY WHORE. it certainly seems that many women today, just can’t stay with ONLY ONE MAN. if your so smart, why is that? i did not do anything WRONG on my part to cause this to happen to me. and yes, i am a VERY BITTER PERSON since this happened to me. i have a RIGHT to my own opinion, don’t i? i can say i do. oh by the way, many women where i live are LESBIANS ANYWAY. what a TOTAL WASTE they are, no great loss there. i live near the shore, and even the ones that are STRAIGHT, have that ATTITUDE PROBLEM. many of the women think that their SHIT DON’T STINK, and with the ATTITUDE that they have, how could us GOOD MEN meet decent women now. i am an outgoing man, that is VERY SERIOUS MINDED, and would like to have a normal life. can’t blame me for that can you? it is VERY HARD to say HELLO to the women down here, because they will tell me to my face to leave me alone. now is this anyway for women to act like this? i would say no. i have met many LOW LIFE WOMEN in my time, and i do see this happening to other men as well. so i am not alone with this problem. years ago, women were CERTAINLY much more EDUCATED, than now. since many women think that there all that, i hope GOD PUNISHES them. they would certainly deserve it. you were very lucky to find a GOOD MAN for you, and i wish VERY MUCH that i can meet the RIGHT WOMAN for me. if i had a choice of having a lot of MONEY, or meeting the RIGHT WOMAN for me, i would rather have a good woman in my life to share with, just remember, money can’t buy HAPPINESS.

        • Starfire says:

          I agree with you. I am a woman and I find that most women nowadays have completely forgotten the simple notion of respect. However, I don’t think it’s a reason to bash on them : high quality women DO exist! I am truly sorry for what happened to you (your ex-wife is truly a low life woman), but I truly believe that if you put away the bitterness for a moment and prove that you are different from the other man that just treats women like crap, then you WILL attract the girl of your dreams for sure. 🙂
          A relationship takes two people to be successful. You should do your part AS WELL AS the woman should.

  • FRANKO SAYS says:

    it is the women that are at

  • fatkokmofo says:

    XY Dehumanization 101
    =================

    Why would any sane and healthy-minded man commit to such heinous wimmin’s man-tool faggotry…?

    Men, break free from the chains of shame and female supremest cuntrol and go your own way!

    “To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he’s a machine, a walking dildo.” -– Valerie Solanas

    “I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.” — Andrea Dworkin

    “The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race.” — Sally Miller Gearhart

    “Men who are unjustly accused of rape can sometimes gain from the experience.” – Catherine Comins

    “All men are rapists and that’s all they are” — Marilyn French

    “I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honourable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them.” – Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor

    • ABSOLUTELY RIGHT SAYS says:

      i certainly agree with the other guy, too many low life women today. it is so very sad, that many of us good men that are looking to meet good woman for us have to suffer, for the stupidity of women now. and it is more of the women that can’t commit to men nowadays. now that many women now are lesbians, that will be a problem for us men that are looking to meet decent women.

    • Shannon Dorman says:

      Ther are many examples of low life, dehumanizing quotes from both genders… I am sad for people of both genders these days! The generations before the “sexual revolution ” & “feminism” knew how to enjoy polarization….

  • so very true says:

    it is more like the women today cannot commit to just only one man anymore. they seem to have a need, for so many men at one time to please them. why is that? being a single man now, i will be very happy to meet a woman, only one to make me very happy. i can easily be a one woman man, if i could meet the right woman this time since my wife cheated on me. i am a straight man that seems to meet the very nasty women now, with their rotten attitude problem which makes it worse for me. too many trashy women now, since my wife turned out to be the filthy whore that i never knew. how many LOW LIFE WOMEN do we have today? years ago, women were certainly much more educated than the ones out there now. just maybe, if many of these women can read a book on how to treat and talk too men better, it might make them much educated again. cannot blame myself , for the garbage that is out there today.

    • LG says:

      as a female in college i think these nasty attitudes are due to females being jealous of how men have had it in the past. I know girls who sleep around and say “well guys do”. their less focused on having sex because they like it, and focus on doing it just to be on par with men. As long as people talk about the inequalities between men and women, the more women will attempt to be like men, or better their perception of what men are.

      • so very true says:

        TO LG, it is very true like i have said. since i am in my late fifties, it is certainly much harder for me meeting women today. it was a lot easier years ago, unlike today. like i have mentioned before, many women were much more educated back then. it is hard for a serious straight man like me that hates the bar scene to begin with, since so many women like to play games now. when you get to be my age, time is short. if i had been a good twenty years younger, it would have not bothered me as much as it does now. i do not have that many friends, because at my age now most of the men that i know are settled down with their own life. when you do look back to see that our parents and grandparents were very lucky enough to have met one another and have us, it shows you how each of them accepted one another for who they were, or we would have not been here today. times were certainly different than now, that is for sure. for the good men like us that are hoping to connect with a good woman now, it is going to be much more harder now. one good woman will make me very happy to share a life with, since i do not want to be alone the remaining years of my life, and that will really suck for me. now i just go out and hope for the best, and go out every single night just not to be home by myself since i have no one to stay home too. PEACE.

  • Imlloookingforadime says:

    so which is it promiscuous sex with girls you deem “sluts” nice girls you deem “prude”. You created this environment. Did you think women would be okay with men sowing their wild oats and not having zero resentment. My husband and i were virgins when we married, so we dont have to deal with this drama, but his brother complains about how all girls are trashy, which is ironic because he doesnt mind sleeping with them. You cant be a nickel looking for a dime. Sometimes i dont think his brother wants a nice girl, if he really did why does he sleep with girls he calls “slutty” Before my i dated my husband i went out with a guy for three months, but was dumped because i wouldn’t put out (even though i made it clear before hand). But im glad he dumped me because it made me fine and appreciate my husband that much more. He treats me like a queen and i treat him like he’s a king, because he is. I wanted a loving, attractive, responsible partner, but until i was willing to embody those same characteristics i didnt deserve them. I read some of these comments and i feel a lot of you have hate in your hearts, but you turn around and desire someone with love in their hearts. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO ME

    • Sachmet says:

      Well put, Imlookingforadime! It really doesn’t make any sense at all (unless you are currently nurturing some old emotional wounds, I suppose). After all, we reap what we saw.

    • Shannon Dorman says:

      I will say that decent men are bothered by the lack of “good girls” & subconsciously, at times, will do their best to sleep with every female…the ones that give in are “one of many”=low value/not marriage material & the ones that don’t are “the one & only”=high value/marriage material.
      It actually makes a lot of sense…even though it seems “unfair” to females. Instead of focusing on the unfairness, we females can focus on how much strength & power a high value woman really has & wield it to locate, strengthen & support only a high value man!

  • JC says:

    Some more…

    Women have too much emotional baggage.
    A woman with kids form a previous marriage is a nightmare to dealwith, simple because her kids will almost always despise the new father figure. It is just not worth taking the chance.
    Women these days do not understand the word comprimise. It is either their way or they hold back sex. What a joke. We men can get sex without putting up with all that crap.
    Loss of free time. We are sick of where you beeen? What were you doing? who were you with? how much did you spend on that? blah blah blah. I like to do what we want, when we want, where we want. Most married men these days are whipped into submission. NO THANKS!
    Women cant be trusted, they are always looking to upgrade. Why should a man commit so much time and energy to a woman that is like that. And these days, they are all like that.
    Women these days just are not worth committing too.

    • Dorothy says:

      That is funny…because my ex-husband was the one who held back affection and sex. And..I compromised until I barely knew myself anymore…I guess it is sometimes men who use punitive behaviors in a relationship and sometimes the women….None of us can say it is more of one gender than the other I guess.

    • Jessica says:

      Men are the same way. Men can’t be trusted, withhold affection, have emotional baggage, and also look to upgrade. Sorry JC, men aren’t worth committing to either. Men that have kids from previous relationships are a problem too because his kids disrespect the new mother figure. Look at life from both sides instead of one. Most of all, let go of your bitterness and stop blaming the opposite sex because it’s not just the women messing up; the men are messing up too.

    • Shannon Dorman says:

      NAWALT

  • JC says:

    Oh yeah some more…
    There is a 50/50 divorce rate, of which 85% are instigated by the women, and the man gets the short end of the stick at the divorce hearing.
    Child support should be what it actually takes to support a kid.
    Women these days are just not worth the loss of freedom. Women want their cake and eat it too. Women these days want equal rights yet at the same time special priviledges.
    Women are too angry these days.
    All of this high divorce rate has women raising these men that you complain about. These men that do not want to commit were raised by women, so blame yourselves! The chicken has come home to roost.

    • FreeMen says:

      “Women these days want equal rights yet at the same time special priviledges.”
      Exactly.
      Women push for equal rights but NOT equal responsibilities.
      They want representation WITHOUT taxation.

  • JC says:

    No fault divorce is one problem.
    Another is that men dont feel that their kids are truly theirs. How can they when the courts automatically give the kids to the mother.
    Men legally have little to no say when it comes to the kids, so why have them.
    Women can take half of a mans belongings easily, and on top of that the women are paid alimony. Why? Sure women chose to stay home, the key word chose, but at the same time, their room and board was paid for, their food was paid for. This should be subtracted from any settlement. If I choose to sit my ass at home, then I should not expect someone else to pay for it. Like I said, the man paid for your room and board. How hard can washing the dishes be? Most wives these days do not even do that. They let the xbox babysit, they do not cook, or clean, or do dishes, yet they expect the man to pay them for their “sacrifice”. Give me a break.
    Women look, dress, and act trashy these days.
    Affirmative action…men, well white men anyway, do not have this. Women do. It is sexist, and racist. Men are rebelling. Simple as that.

  • Beke says:

    this sounds like me and my bf at the moment. we are just comming on 6 months, and though he hasnt said “i love you” he shows it, even in the way he holds and kisses me, falling asleep in each others arms etc. Though i wish there was something else i could do to secure that “i love you” this article sounds like my man. I am 7 years older, i am 30, and he is about to start his own business. I know he is busy, with studies and next year will be even more full on. And I would like to think about moving in together (along with my 3 year old son), but i understand that he may not be ready to do so as his is still with his parents so that he can pay off all his depts. I am willing to wait and see how things go, and what i agree with this article is that fact that when my boyfriend comes over the night (once or twice a week), I am the freedom. yes he has his mates, but I am also the freedom to get away for studies and business planning, that all stays home. I know I am in love with him, and i dont want to drive him away. what my question is , how do I help MYSELF in dealing with the waiting time? I start my own studies next year (as a teachers assistant) and i know it will keep me busy, but I still miss him so much when we are apart. How do i help with the feeling of loneliness when hes not around so that im not winging to him about missing him. I dont want to scare him off. He’s like no other guy ive dated and I would love to see what is to come.

  • Heart Broken says:

    I have read this article in the hope to understand the reason why some guys will not commit to marriage, especially mine. While I agree that a man perspective should have been included in this article I still feel that the balancing act is totally unfair to women. We do not have kids and have agreed since the beginning we didn’t want any. The one thing that really bugs me is the fact that right now I worked 12 hours days and come home to make dinner and clean the house as well, while he is attending school and persuing his career. Men complain that they work and wives expect them to come home and help with the house work while they have been home all day taking care of the kids and the house. Well, when the shoe is on the other foot and the female is the one putting long hours in the office to support the household and the only job the man has is going to school 4 days a week and still expect the female to come home from work make his dinner, pick up after him and clean the house, how is that fair. He can find time to go play golf with his buddies every afternoon but not to help maintain the house or to cook dinner once in awhile, I don’t ask for much. I am just tired of the unfair look at women, we work just as hard in supporting not only financially but also emotionally and appreciation is something that goes both ways, when I clean our house I am expected to do so, when he does it I have to tell him how much I appreciate him doing that, not fair and very sad.

    • wow says:

      the men in the world dont owe you anything but if you want something from your man you better tell him because you cant expect him to read your mind.

    • ronie says:

      You are describing a Peter Pan-Wendy relationship. He just can’t take any adult responsibility (just like a child) and you do everything that he does not do. This relationship is sadly common today, men just aren’t men anymore, they are old boys, coward, spoiled, lazy.

      • Randy carrie says:

        You just hit the nail on the head. Men are not men anymore these days they are boys. I vagley remember a time I was told about that a woman wouldn’t even think about moving in with a man before getting married. And I deff don’t need to be told I am requiredmto create a ” fairy tale” relationship so my ” man” doesn’t think of me as an obligation. If its really that bad then get out of the relationship. Otherwise. You men need to stop with this ” why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” bs.

        • Juan says:

          why stop? if it’s true and it works? why pay you money to have sex with you in four months through dates, dinners, and movies when we can get it from many women for free.

      • Juan says:

        the peter pan sydrome is basically not doing what a woman wants you to do..

        • Rachel says:

          Snds like all u want is free peemiscous sex from
          sluts that have no morals n prolly a std or alterior motives to use u as a sperm
          dooner Remember. It doesnt matter if she gives u free sex if she pokes holes in the condoms. U still legally have to pay for that sex its called child support. And good luck with being happy sleeping around vs finding a meaningful relationship an real love.

      • John says:

        to women “A responsible man” is a pussified man that does everything a woman tells him to do without contest or protest and gives her his money on her demand without contest or protest and only have sex when she wants to, without contest or protest, which is most likely very infrequently, and be fine with it because we’re expected to “take it like a man..” gtfo.

        eff that. hard. from every single angle.

        i’m good, i’ll never get married or live with a women. and i’ve been asked by women to do it and i’ve always said “No!”. not that i’m afraid of commitment it’s just women expect everything, too much, the entire world and the moon while complaining that no stars were included while offering nothing in return but hell and unappreciation as if they’re entitled to a everything, the man. the ones i know, friends family, their marriages are nightmares. disasters. i’ll just date until i can’t no more.

        besides, there’s nothing better than being single. what’s better than coming and going when ever the heck you want, no one to question you, no one to answer too, no kids, no nagging, no menstral attitude, no bloddy tampons present, no giving a woman money, no silent treatment, no you walking on egg shells of being careful of what you say, no really enjoying yourself or a product, hobby, sports, in front of her cause she feels she should be the only reason you should really be excited about anything. no criticisms, no trying to change the core person you are, the person you’re comfortable with cause she doesn’t like it, you get free (safe) sex when ever you want instead of once a week or a month with a wife. hobbies are cut down, friends are cut down, drinking’s cut down, time by yourself, cut down, your dignity and pride, cut down all the time.

        i’m so good. i have successfully prevented 3 of my boys marriages. because there is no benefit for a man to get married. it benefits women, beside you don’t need a state sanctioned contract to be in love. but since it’s about money, women do it, why do you think they hate prenuptual agreements. why do you think the first thing they ask you on a date is what you do for a living. why do you think if you have no money you won’t have a chance with most women..

        marriage is a trap, women know it, the state knows it, and slowly but surely, men are thankfully staring to wake up to the smell of the bs marriage is and the anti-male scam it is.

        the girl of my dream has her own apartment with no kids, like me..

  • The duke from Italy says:

    Why Men Increasingly Avoid Marriage

    Across the internet, women have begun making statements such as:

    Why are men avoiding marriage? Why do guys avoid commitment? Being single sucks.

    A Carl Weisman study showed American men are increasingly avoiding marriage. Men fear getting involved in bad marriages with bad wives. This fear is partly driven by the feminist based anti-husband messages of women’s magazines and writers.

    For example, Parenting Magazine claims their marriage survey shows moms are angry at their husbands “at surprising levels”. They state husbands “often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids”.

    They also claim husbands have “more time to themselves” as compared with moms. Their survey stated 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Lisa Bain, executive editor of Parenting Magazine said “The truth is if you prick any one of us with a little pin, anger comes out”. Female writers of ABC News and the Associated Press discussed the survey and expressed outrage at husbands.

    However, the magazine’s survey completely ignored husbands. No husband was asked anything. His opinions were considered unimportant. His efforts at work were ignored and he was largely unappreciated by his wife.

    One stay at home mom participating in the survey stated she was angered at her husband (who worked 11 hour days) because he set aside some time one day a week to be an independent music producer – something he enjoyed. Another wife responding to the survey stated though her husband did 60% of the housework plus his job, she was angered she had to ask him to do housework.

    Single men wonder why is he doing 60% of the work plus his job. They think: Why should I get married if my opinions don’t matter. Why would I want to marry a woman who will be mad at me every week for the rest of my life because I don’t do things her way? Why is she my boss?

    It should also be noted none of the wives in the survey report stated they help their husband with house repairs. Additionally, Glen Sacks stated, according to the Bureau of Labor Statics, men’s time to themselves is a meaningless 1% higher than women’s.

    Another women’s magazine, called Double X, promotes books where wives cheat on their husbands. The book ‘Prospect Park West’ was promoted with the headline “Mommies Want to Have Sex, Just Not With Their Husbands”.

    The book ‘The Seven Year Itch’ was promoted with the question “is it still realistic to expect wives to remain faithful to their husbands?” Conversely Double X continuously criticizes cheating husbands. The feminist notion its acceptable for a wife to cheat but wrong for her husband to be unfaithful has also been promoted by the online women’s magazine Ivillage (though not all its writers agree with this mentality), female writers of the online magazine Askmen and, incredibly, Men’s Health Magazine. Additionally, female reporters of ABCNews & Good Morning America continuously criticize cheating husbands. They refuse to criticize cheating wives.

    Single men think: Why get married if its ok for my wife to cheat but I have to remain faithful? Why should I give up dating different women to be married to a cheating wife? Why should I accept abuse?

    Many husbands have begun asking these same questions and have begun dumping their cheating wives in increasing numbers. This has given rise to websites such as “Stop Your Divorce in 4weeks” and “Cheatingways”. These sites seek to prevent husbands from divorcing their cheating wives. The 2nd site (owned by a woman) actually encourages wives to cheat on their husbands. It offers wives a wealth of tips on how to deceive and fraud their husband. The site apparently was not founded with this intent but, like most of the country, drifted into an anti-husband mentality.

    Single men think: Since marriage means the exploitation of husbands then why the hell should I get married? Do they think I’m stupid?

    Lastly, American divorce laws also cause men to fear marriage.
    The feminist judicial system often rules against husbands in divorce. Husband’s are usually ordered to pay large alimony / child support payments to the ex-wife. Some claim the child support payments contain hidden alimony. In most states, these payments don’t decrease if the ex-wife’s income dramatically increases after the divorce.

    Though some wives with high paying jobs have been ordered to pay alimony/child support to their ex-husbands, many judges are reluctant to apply divorce laws equally. Additionally, if the husband later loses his job & fails to continue child support payments, he will be jailed.

    A husband may also face false accusations of sexual and child abuse during the divorce. In those states with heavy feminist bureaucracy, the husband – like the Duke and Hofstra rape fraud cases – will have to prove his innocence.

    Some wives will interfere with the husband’s visitation rights to his children. In feminist oriented states, the courts will do nothing to stop her. And paternity fraud remains legal.
    The divorce system is designed to trap men in bad marriages with bad wives.

    An increasing number of American men are now reaching the conclusion that being a husband is not worth it. The better deal is to remain single and have a series of relationships with different women while pursuing hobbies and life goals.
    Additionally, a college educated single man can have a very good life.

    What if everything were reversed. What if only a husband’s perspective was important in marriage and cheating was only wrong for the wife. What if the family court system discriminated against wives?
    Would American women want to become wives to the massive degree they do today?
    Doubtful.
    By nature, men and women are companions. By feminism, men and women are now adversaries.

    No word of lie, I got involved with someone who would complain if I took the garbage out and put in the wrong trash can. She had two, and they both went out to the curb on Mondays, but if I put it in the can further from the door going outside, there was hell to pay.

    Still another would bitch at me for doing my own laundry…the wrong way…meaning “not the way I do my own”.

    Guys, you get married and you will always be wrong. Now I understand that these are smallish things over which to get upset, but if you get this kind of treatment for stupid and pointless shit, what kind of treatment can you expect with more important stuff?

    Marriage is voluntary slavery for any man. The only joy a wife has is complaining about everything you do, everything you say, and everything you believe. They may not all be ball-busting bull dykes, but they sure as hell think of you as nothing but a child needing her guidance; and a stupid one at that.

    Women wonder what happened to all the nice guys. When they say they want someone nice, they mean someone who never rebels, never disagrees, and only talks about what she wants to talk about. Don’t even think about considering yourself a self-realized human being. At best, you are an errant pet. Don’t believe me? Watch how they all spit venom amongst themselves when the men-folk are out of ear shot. It isn’t enough to merely be a decent if flawed man. You have to be “nice”.

    It doesn’t matter if it’s planned in marriage or created by the mother raping – NO MALE has any reproductive rights whatsoever.

    Meanwhile women have dozens of means of contraception, the right to abort WITHOUT the other parent’s consent, complete control over any male’s reproductive destiny, the right to simply dump babies they don’t want and more.

    Here’s a clue for you Ange’s. It’s way past time women were required by law to acquire the father’s consent before proceding with any pregnancy. His involvement in the process should be both voluntary AND consensual.

    The only fact is that women have control over every part of the reproductive cycle – from pre-conception via contraceptives, to pregnancy via legalized abortions, and even post-birth via adoption and no penalized abandonment. A woman does not have to be a mother, if she so chooses.

    Now let’s look at what reproductive rights men have. They have none. If a woman gets pregnant, and can easily terminate it or give it away, she can choose to keep it so she can extract money from the man. Conversely, she can choose to kill the unborn baby, even if the man wants it.

    So I must disagree with your statement that both parties should pay out of wedlock. Until men have equal reproductive rights (funny how women only want equality when it benefits them exclusively), all responsibilities should be solely placed on the woman who chooses to become a parent when she can opt out of it at any time.

    Marriage is the biggest source of depression and soul-crushing malaise for men in this country. Nothing else even comes close.

    It is no wonder that the marriage rate is dropping fast, and that 40% of people say “marriage is obsolete” (according to a Pew Research poll). Data from the U.K. that has not been cherrypicked to favor marriage shows that men who don’t marry are happier then men in any kind of marriage. And men who never marry have less heart disease than married men now. The old saw about married men “living longer” has also been disproven, with newer, better data.

    Young men know this now, thanks to the Internet, and wisely they are steering clear of the dangerous rocks of marriage.

    • Randy carrie says:

      If us women are only happy when we are bitching at you then why are you in a convent relationship with us anyway. Let’s see. Cause you want to have you cake and eat it to? I’ve been living with my boyfriend for about 8 months. 7 1/2 of those months he’s not worked and we have had to live off my ” savings” and I have treated him well and he still won’t talk about future plans for a commitment. My savings are gone and the house we live in is his. Not ours. It’s in his name. Yes it’s my fault I made the choice to move in and share my money so he wouldn’t loose the house but I did not know I’d be here a year later listening to ” were not ready for marriage” and now if I wantout of the relationship I have to move out of his house I’ve helped pay for. Would it be better for who here if we were married? Let’s not forget you boys who call yourselves ” men” don’t commit because of money issues. I know it’s my fault I got myself into this mess , but it’s still not right that he can do this to me and I have no rights at all cause we aren’t married.

    • Q says:

      If you are so concerned about reproductive rights why don’t you take a bit more care where you put your sperm? It takes two to make a baby – you can choose not to make one!

      • Amy says:

        Yeah ? So when you put your sperm into a condom some dum slut poked holes in whos fault is that whos choice was that? Not to also mention she cld have HIV or AIDs from the plethera of men she f??!!$) trying to get pregnant by “whoever”. Shldnt she be charged with some kinda unconsential conception as well as murder? Shld she legally still get child support from his check.

        • FreeMen says:

          Non-consensual conception…. You might be onto something. Men have no choice when it comes to a child. All the choice is in the woman’s hands, yet all the responsibility in the man’s. It’s extremely unfair. Maybe if we initiated a Non-Consensual Conception Law, men could actually have a say in whether or not they have children.

  • L says:

    I suppose the “uneven laws” you refer to such as alimony have nothing to do with men getting paid a lot more money in the first place???? Wrong. Women put their lives on hold when they have kids and men DO get alimony from women in similar circumstances so it is not just one way. Plus, mens lives get better after divorce, and women’s lives get worse, both financially and in other ways. It is just another way for a man to be selfish, in my humble opinion. That is very clear.

    • The duke from Italy says:

      oh yeah… nice insight Mrs. L (like leecher?)

      “I suppose the “uneven laws” you refer to such as alimony have nothing to do with men getting paid a lot more money in the first place????”

      If so.. all women will be hired since they cost less.. i don’t see this situation..

      “Women put their lives on hold when they have kids” where? maybe on the moon! here down on Earth if you don’t work with your husband you can’t do much! women usually CHOOSE to stay at home if their Husband earn a lot! PLUS once he came back at home he MUST share homeworks as well! and when the situation won’t fit anymore, women like you usually play at “OK THE DIVORCE IS RIGHT!” usually they win 100% an home, alimony and keep babies!..

      “..and men DO get alimony from women in similar circumstances so it is not just one way” i saw a LOT of men doing everythings for a poor woman just to marry her.. i saw very FEW situation where the woman was richer than the husband! so false statistics that lies only in women like you who live in the moon!

      “Plus, mens lives get better after divorce and women’s lives get worse, both financially and in other ways”

      LOOL, ROFLMAO! did you ever consider to read what you wrote?? can you see what happens when a woman divorce from his husband?? it doesn’t matter if is right or wrong, she won everytime an home/flat, alimony and babies!! thanks to this femminine State laws against men and FAMILY! today marriage is women business! merry him, ditch him, get the pot, rerun! men ALWAYS get their lives miserable, without love money and childrens! plus they don’t have a chance to date again no one since this means money they don’t have! a woman, on the other hand, since has that power between the legs start again the process willing to find another Mr. right just to do the same! and she knows childish men will always try to date her for that reason..

      “It is just another way for a man to be selfish” as i used to said many times to my close friends: It’s too easy to be gay with other ass! due if you really see the situation, you will understand why men won’t commit anymore! but since women are emotional, they can’t understand RATIONAL things!

      keep on dreaming on the moon.. Mrs. Leecher!

      • wow says:

        wow you responded to one close minded statement with another close minded statement. You guys should date, you have a lot it common; close mindedness.

        • The duke from Italy says:

          my reply is based on REAL life, mr/miss worldofwarcraft! the only closed things here is your mind, ears and eyes! maybe you have a flat on the moon too! i suggest you to come on earth often..and not only to play wow!

        • wow says:

          i wrote wow not because i play the game but as an expression, i thought you would automatically assume that since i started my statement with it : “wow you responded to one close minded”. I didn’t realize i had to explain that, but i guess their are people like you who might not catch on. You call me close minded, but im not the one who made statements like “LOOL, ROFLMAO! did you ever consider to read what you wrote?? can you see what happens when a woman divorce from his husband?? it doesn’t matter if is right or wrong, she won everytime an home/flat, alimony and babies!! thanks to this femminine State laws against men and FAMILY! today marriage is women business! merry him, ditch him, get the pot, rerun! men ALWAYS get their lives miserable, without love money and childrens! plus they don’t have a chance to date again no one since this means money they don’t have! a woman”.

      • Liara Saffir says:

        My life became truly beautiful AFTER divorce and very financial.
        I am running seminars assisting women after divorce.
        There is a mindset running that women cant survive without a male financial assistant.
        This isnt true.
        I hope to meet you sometime in the future
        take care 🙂

      • Liara Saffir says:

        p.s. I pay support to the man I divorced 🙂

  • The Duke says:

    We live in a society where all seems to be like the other, it’s too difficoult to be what we really are..

    The results is that we live our stereotype lives without being truly ourself..

    So the basic of this article is right, only being really what we are is the only way to meet someone special, if not, we will get a lot of Mr/Mrs Mistakes.. since people believe we are just as others and talk with us the same way he used to talk to others just 3 minutes before..

    Im a man and i wish to tell you my opinion.. a man would meet a mother, a friend and a lover, all this in the same woman, today it’s very easy to find this qualities.. but in differents women..

    a mother: yes.. if she is caring, loving, in a few words like a mother, men feel she will be the right one where finally he may drop his little peter pan in his heart and she will be a good mother also for childrens..also a mother, think about our mothers, at the qualities she has.. men once where child so they knew a lot about a mother’s love.. so they will consider you as the mother only if you have the right qualities that lies in a mother! now try to look at those modern women..they are selfish.. they always offend men dignity using their sexy body to lure their attenction but gives nothing.. they offend men as they all are like peter pan.. yeah we are! because we once used to be child, and we will looking for a woman who REALLY LIKES CHILD! like our mothers! so only those women are able to rise our babies with the real love they deserve.. taking care of our “peter pan” side!

    a friend: a friend, a truly friend, will never, and i say NEVER betray you, never.. a friend never judge you, never try to change you, a friend simply likes the way YOU ARE, a friend don’t try to ruin your life, on the other hand a friend try to help and make your life better, a friend is someone who can hold secret and are ready to help you in the middle of the night, share feelings without seems he is judging you, a friend is someone who understand you since a friend knows about life and knows sometimes you will do the same for a truly friend, a friend may be also rude when is the right time but never let you down, never left you alone stranded in your problems.. now try to see all this and other valours that truly friendship means in a modern woman..ok.. don’t waste your time..

    a lover: now read and repeat as a mantra: MEN NEED SEX! ok.. now repeat 10 times.. well.. so now you know that man need sex! it doesn’t matter if is a friend, your husband.. a true lover is that woman who knows that HIS man need sex.. and don’t use his sexuality for other reasons, and she “play” with him to find every day the joy to do sex for your pleasure.. but keep in mind that since men, as women, can have the milk without the cow, if you want to become his “cow”, you should also keep in mind the 2 point before.

    And the last tip about this situation (that many already knows and wrote also here):

    Actually, men in all western and european countries doesn’t want to marry women due uneven laws in case of divorce, no peter pan problems, no immaturity issues, unfaithful women, alimnony and uneven laws are the reasons why men today understood marriage is not a good deal anymore. why spend so much money to make everybodies happy( diamonds industry, catering etc etc) but you? men are finally aware of the situation, on what’s going on and get themself, each days, more wise!

    the last question is: does we willbe able to take back our lifes before our race will end? my opinion is yes! since many foreign people (im talking about Italy) comes and have free home, jobs and social help (for the same things “regular” italians must PAY!) so in the future no more pope but a big Moskee in Rome and Allah will be the new god of the new italian muslim people! (even in Spain, England France.. if you don’t believe me, google for it!)

  • Gina says:

    Hi, I understand what you are trying to say; however, I don’t think that a woman should be willing to put her all into a relationship when her man doesn’t want to commit. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and things were always great. Recently, we had spoke and he said that I was “too serious” for him. This basically killed me because we had always planned on getting married and moving in together up until recently. He had changed his mind, he wants to go out with his friends and party. As a woman. I do not think that I should have to force him to be in a committed relationship if he doesn’t want to. I am not going to sit here and chase him and try to make things work if all he wants is his freedom and not to put ANY effort into the relationship. What do you think about just leaving him? Should I? and if so.. how long should I wait around.. if at all?? I’m thinking, if I leave him it will give him time to miss me.. What is your opinion?

    • L says:

      The answer is to begin dating others. As long as you only date one man, as long as you committ yourself to one man, there will never be a reason TO marry you. Date others (I know men hear have sex with others, but that is NOT what I mean). Just date others. When a man meets his soulmate ( a woman who does not give him everything he wants including sex with no committment) he will want to be around her and marry her. Get busy, live your life, date others and be busier than they are. Let them chase you and may the best man win.

      • Jake says:

        oooh nice insight.. so basically men are just “birds of pray” and they MUST do anything to get their best pray.. so since you are a woman.. you consider yourself a DIVINE GIFT only for the brave??

        .. i bet you’ll be alone for many.. many years..

        The Duke was right.. your words comes from a Leecher, not from a true woman!

  • Lynne Adams says:

    I have been the cook, laundry attendant, child care provider, house keeper, administrative assistant, woman on his arm at church, and bad girl in the bedroom. His answer to me is that things are perfect, he does not want me to ever leave but he does not want to commit though he admits I am the best woman he has had. Doing all those wonderful things can backfire, then he will think he has it all and needs no commitment. Why buy the cow when you have all the milk and meat from it you need without paying a cent!

    I have been trying to talk to him for three days. He is a Christian man and we discussed marriage must because of our religious belief at the beginning. Now he has gone back on his word and says why complicate things, simple the way it is. Says he loves me but just wants to live together. I have tried to tell him I will lose my ministers license if we continue but he holds no regard for that at all at this point.

    Anita

    • B says:

      Lynne,
      I appreciate your input here and would think any adult should be able to decide if they feel they are being treated un-fairly. However, I think you hit the nail on the head when you compared giving sex with money. That implies to me that you feel a man owes you, as a female, some sort of debt for your time/effort with them. That, at the very least, is the opposite of what Biblical love is. I don’t believe the Bible speaks about love being what you can get out of it.
      On a practical standpoint, have you asked him what his real fears are? Perhaps he is concerned with what you will be able to do to him in 10 years if you should happen to get bored (i.e. steal the kids, ruin him financialy, claim false abuse alligations against him). What it comes down to though is YOU…not what your friends think, not what your parents say, but you as an adult. If the situation is not liveable to you, then leave.

  • JLo says:

    I know it’s been a while since anyone has commented on this, but one question I’d like to ask David is the following: What are your opinions about women and sex. When you say to keep the passion alive, providing excitement and adventure, I think it’s safe to say many men find these things in sex. And want it. Lots of it.

    However, so many other pieces of advice tell women to keep their “power” or dignity or respect for themselves. I see both sides of this argument. And I’m confused if whether your argument applies to this, in that if women are exciting enough and the sex adds to the passion, will it naturally lead to sexual fidelity? Is asking for sexual fidelity a woman’s entitlement? Or is it in the same lines/subcategories of asking for a man to commit?

    I personally am trying to understand a guy who I’m “seeing,” who seems to voice many of these opinions against commitment. Many of them which I view as valid. I am not in any rush to a relationship, but I definitely would like to know (for my own sake) that there is potential that he could possibly want to commit to me.

    • David says:

      Hi there JLo
      Thanks for your question. It’s definitely a great question, and a very intelligent question.

      Yes absolutely my argument stands, under whichever situation, or else I wouldn’t write it. At the end of the day, i want women to understand their power and their ability to influence.

      For sure, there would not be a moment ever where i would suggest a woman to sacrifice her power or dignity or self respect…EVER. Afterall, it’s her self respect that makes her attractive to men in the first place.

      I believe you can make any man more committed to you. It takes the right mindset and really understanding how to play this game.

      If women are exciting enough and the sex adds to the passion, will it naturally lead to sexual fidelity? – Yes, if a woman is exciting enough, then he won’t be able to get her out of his mind. And yes, if the sex is like mind blowing hot sex, then he would have no need to go anywhere else. It just doesn’t compare.

      But if it’s anything less than mindblowing, then he may think that he can get mindblowing experiences else where.

      Is asking for sexual fidelity a woman’s entitlement? Yes and no. Is it right for a shop owner to ask you to shop at their store for the rest of your life? Yes, if they add enough value to you that no one in this whole wide world can possibly compare.

      However i wouldn’t ask until I’ve given 100 times the value first.

      Unfortunately here’s the bad news….most women don’t add value too well in their relationship, so they’re wondering why the man isn’t committing as much as they wish.

      By the way, did you catch the prelaunch videos we did for Commitment Control?

  • David says:

    I made it through a gender biased education which had been set up to allow girls to do better than boys. Now at work, I have to be politically correct to bitching lazy women all day. The last thing that I want is a woman at home as well. I have a girlfriend that I see occasionally and whom does not live with me. I am 30 years old and intend to stay single for life.

    • Ms Summer says:

      I love your comment! It’s so honest and exactly how I guessed (hoped!) many men would feel about this. Business women can be really intimidating and try and make my sunny life hell all the time. We feminine girls have to deal with such ‘bitches’ too, and it is nice to hear that it is ‘political correctness’ and definitely not admiration that makes you guys be nice to them.

  • Mocha Momma says:

    This article was very informative and helpful. I read it with an open mind, and then I read the comments, and even further explanations in the comments thread.

    I respect the position here from the author (David), because it’s honest, it is human nature to want to feel that we give value and that we receive value, we aren’t taken for granted. Reciprocity is a beautiful thing.

    To put in into perspective, sometimes the perception most men have of “commitment” is the obliteration of freedom and a lifetime of work/enslavement. Women are taught as little girls that “commitment” is the number one goal to achieve, and that it’s a beautiful thing, and you will have a man to take care of you, not that it requires work (it creates an illusion that borderlines almost entitlement). We as women are sold a fairy tale and men are sold the nightmare. In reality commitment is neither of those… However what we perceive is our own reality. (Note, not all males and females perceive commitment in this manner).

    Long story short, in order to get anyone to commit, or influence them to want to be the best partner ever with you, whether it’s a man or woman, the value/incentive/benefit of doing so has to be greater than the perceived obstacle, phobia or fear of exerting the effort of doing so on an on going basis. This requires trust, loyalty, honesty, being open, and not playing games, and not being clingy, and Putting in the Work on Both sides.

  • gary says:

    Hey everyone,

    I read the artical and most of the comments here. My opinion on the dificulties of commitment these days is more due to the political climate. Men and Women are the same creatures they have been for thousands of years. However, under the current political structure of family courts men are basically garanteed to get the ultimate shaft. They’ve seen it happen to their fathers and their friend. They have decided that the financial risk they assume by creating a family through marriage leaves them vulnerable to the emotional whims of another human being who will likely change over time. Since the majority of voters in the united states and other democratic coutries are women the laws have swayed completely in their favor. Fathers rights are trampled on with impunity and debtor prisons have been created for men by the way of contempt of court imprisonment if the man cant keep up with enoumose alimony and child support payments. If women want the men to come back to the marraige table they need to let their politicians know that they want to see fathers rights given equal consideration in law as the mothers rights are.

    Honestly why would you expect any man to commit to a financially based contract (marriage contract) when the only party that has any liability is the man. The man who under no fault divorce laws can lose access to his children, half his assets and be court ordered to pay huge monthly sums in alimony and child support when he is lucky if he can see his children two days a week if that?

    • L says:

      Unfortunately you only see your own point of view. As a man you leave a family and your life financially gets better while a woman’s does not. She has been out of the workforce or underemployed, you probably have not. You probably have had the support of your wife so you could get raises act.. and women make far less than men in the first place. Add to that men not wanting to involve themselves/date a woman who has children… Children deserve financial assistance from their fathers whether or not you are married to their mother. i will never see how a man can’t see that and I wouldn’t want to be involved with one who feels that way.

      • Men's_Rights_Advocate says:

        Which are you? Insane, Delusional, or Lied to?
        1. Men’s financial health gets WORSE after marriage due to losing your home, half your assets, and then having to pay alimony and child support. Where did all the lost assets go? TO THE CHEATING WIFE!! So her life is financially better after the divorce.
        2. Too few women choose (that’s right CHOOSE) to be stay-at-home mothers for your statement to have any bearing in reality. And don’t act like staying at home to care for children is such a chore. That’s called a privilege — one women receive because they can’t do the jobs men can and must do (do you really believe a woman would last on a construction crew? what about plumbing or any of the necessary and physically demanding jobs men do every day?)
        3. WARNING — ILLOGICAL STATEMENT FOLLOWED BY WILLFULLY IGNORANT STATEMENT
        ” You probably have had the support of your wife so you could get raises act.. and women make far less than men in the first place. ”
        How the hell can a woman get her man a raise? It’s completely out of her control (like almost everything in this world, which is the source of much of women’s hatred of men. They hate us because we’re more capable than them in every way outside child rearing, but then they try to get men to do the child rearing too! The one thing they’re genetically predisposed to do better than men, and almost every wife tries to put the burden on the husband in some way. As if working to provide for the family weren’t enough.)
        Look up ‘no wage gap’ on Google to see that women are over-represented while men are under-represented (sound familiar?)
        4. It is biologically counterproductive for a man to care for another man’s offspring. The goal of DNA (which has kept it around for millions (or thousands, depending on your IQ) of years) is reproduction. It is in no way biologically beneficial for any man to care for any other man’s DNA through monetary support or otherwise. This is not a fault of men, and no man should receive criticism for refuses to raise another man’s kids. Single mothers looking for men – you got yourself into that mess by YOUR OWN CHOICES, so you can’t blame men for not wanting to get involved with you. Well…..you can, and those who do are just proving to everyone that they are in fact selfish children themselves with no intent on ever accepting any responsibility for their own actions.
        5. “Children deserve financial assistance from their fathers….” In the same way fathers DESERVE reproductive rights, but feminism turned everyone against each other.

        • TBF says:

          why cant both of you be right about both of your point of views, why does it have to be one way or the other

          • Jessica says:

            Exactly. It can go both ways, not just one. It’s nice to know that there are still people who look at both sides of the coin instead of one.

  • PrenupMan says:

    What’s wrong with preparing yourself for the possibility that things could go wrong? Isn’t that what any sensible person does? Why pay into a pension fund? Why have a health plan? Why put aside money for bad times? Preparing for a possible divorce is a sensible thing to do, especially if kids are likely to be involved.

    Some people might have very good reason to be careful, i.e. bad experience.

    I’m sure that the majority of people who get divorced trusted each other when they got married, and to a degree still trust each other after the divorce (depending on how it went).

    People who take their partners to the cleaners on divorce probably didn’t go into the marriage thinking/planning on doing so in the event of a divorce. You forget how hurtful and decietful a divorce can be. People can be vindictive. Deep love can easily change to deep hatred/anger. It’s a thin line between love and hate as they say.

    A prenup has nothing to do with trowing in the towel at the first sign of trouble. A prenup is not only there to protect one partner, but both, it can include agreements for how the kids should be taken care of, how the partner will be taken care of etc.

    It’s best to make important decisions when you’re calm and have no axe to grind. And depending on how the ‘negotiations’ over the prenup go will show you what your partner thinks of you, i.e. how much they value you, what thier values are etc. Considering that money can be an issue for divocre in the first place its good to have a plan how to deal with such issues.

  • Ariana says:

    i do not believe in prenups. To me, it’s preparing yourself for divorce even before getting married. And this means you do not trust the person you are marrying or yourself to put in the work it takes to make a marriage last.

    Unfortunately most people focus on material wealth. Frankly as a man or woman who feels your partner would ‘take you to the cleaners’ should you get divorced, you should rethink marrying that person.

    I know I am not ready to marry my partner and will only do so when I can trust myself to make the effort and not want to throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble.

    • Vention says:

      Divorce is the main reason I will never marry. Heck I only date about once every 3 years and I’m not a bad looking guy. A prenup is just a way to say that my wealth and me are a package deal. If you want me, you get to enjoy the income and resources I’ve managed to create. But if the time comes when you no longer want me, it’s not reasonable to expect to get a big chunk of the wealth that I created before I even met you. If you think the marriage will last then a prenup shouldn’t be a concern. If an excellent man wants to share his life with you but his condition is a prenup to protect the wealth he created before the marriage, then if you love him, I suggest that you say “yes”. Then everything you and he build during your years together belong to both of you. And if someday you break up, whatever you built together is what you split. Often that can be a lot. If you refuse to marry with a prenup that that will send the signal that you’re a gold digger (even if you’re not) and if he even suspects you’re a gold digger, it will make it very easy for him to justify dumping you. I know I sure would.

      It’s not that I have a huge amount of wealth to protect. I just own a nice 2 bdrm condo, but I finished paying it off and now I have zero debt. Without a bunch of debts to pay I have about 2600 a month extra. I love living free of debt. I don’t have much but I’d hate it if after only a few years of marriage, a judge just seized my condo and gave it to my ex.

  • reality says:

    As an aside I have been married 20 years and I love her more today then I did when we first met. With that said I advise any single men to stay single given the enormous risks of marriage. The errosion of marriage and the 2 parent family is loss to our society and wish this were not the case but the statistics show otherwise.

  • reality says:

    Men dont fear marriage. Men fear divorce and family law courts. Fix that and you have fixed the declining marriage rates that started to fall rapidly from the 1970’s.

    • Mel says:

      That’s what prenuptial agreements are for, dear.

      • reality says:

        Ahh were that true. Look again at prenups they are very limited. Marriage is a 3 way contract between the man the woman and the state. The state is the superior party which can and will overrule anything you might put in a prenup. Prenups do not cover child support or custody and in an alimony state the prenup can be overruled as being “unfair”. Reform is the answer not prenups.

  • Golden Apple says:

    David, your article makes sense, and it really opened my eyes. Instead of worrying, I can now have fun being creative and finding ways to add value to my life as well as my man’s life. As Kira said, appreciation is a great way to start–in fact, appreciation was discussed in the famous book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”. Thank you!

  • Kira says:

    That is why appreciation is so valuable in a relationship and to a man. Request for a man’s help, never make it an obligation, he’ll be more willing to give you what you want. Then, if he does give you his aid, give him the appreciation he deserves, it’s a valuable gift to a man and it helps boost his masculine energy.

    • Men's_Rights_Advocate says:

      You sound like an amazing woman with a good head on her shoulders. Please don’t let this terrible system corrupt you. Good women like you are our only hope.

  • David says:

    @ Ms.C …thanks for your comment, maybe i should do a new post on what is “value” to a man.
    Think for a second to those movies that you’ve seen where the man couldn’t wait to propose to the woman. He’s compelled to, why? because he knows and feels the value that she is providing or giving to him.
    All men ever want in the end is feminine energy. Lots of it. So many men think that they’d rather keep their freedom because that “lots of feminine energy” may not be obtained from one woman. So they spend their time with lots of other women.
    From my perspective, without feminine energy in my own life, it would seem like death. No hope. No reason to live.
    I feel like i’m just rambling on. Would you like me to explain it more in a new blogpost on what can a woman give to a man so that he’d perceive value?
    Let me know if you have any other questions?

  • Ms.C says:

    Back to topic? David, I was wondering if you could explain more
    on this statment you made?

    “especially when it adds value to his life, like passion, excitement, adventure…”

    What exactly do men think would add value to their life without
    loosing all hope of freedom that causes them to commit (“pop the question”)?

  • S says:

    My comment was not meant to fight you but to convey to you the negative effects of your current attitude.

  • S says:

    C…you seriously need to look around a bit more. That’s quite naive of you to take the not-so-nice female managers in your life and use them to stereotype all women, save for maybe your girlfriend and a few others. That’s as narrow minded as saying that because of Hitler all Germans are still anti-semitic or something equally as silly. I sincerely hope you come back to read this because your bitterness is only hurting yourself. Why not switch jobs instead of wallowing in self pity and letting your hatred for these women fester and grow? I’m sure there’s better things you can do than to spend your time trying to justify bringing people down in your mind instead of the obviously more uplifting and beneficial method of positive thinking, rationality and understanding. The women on this website do not seek to challenge men, nor to better them or to fight them but to do the exact opposite of what the hardcore feminists are doing and to love men for being men and to understand them rather than try to ruin them. I hope that you can understand this and take from it something that will help you.

  • C says:

    Good story. I agree with Peter Pan, I’ve got plenty of women in my life already. The women managers change my work shift every two years, mostly because they can, and it makes it look like they are actually doing something. Well, they are, they’re killing me, and no woman would commit (for to long) to a man who can’t keep a steady work schedule. Oh, and they work me like a dog to, weekends, nights, holidays, the good work hours are reserved for friends, family, and suck-ups. I’m not some type of loner, I’ve got a girlfriend of 8 years. And, yes I stopped over from Happy Bachelors as well, did NOT click on notify me of followup comments, and won’t be back either. Good luck and good day to everyone.

  • Renee says:

    Interesting point Stefanie.

    Peter Pan came to this site through the happy bachelor’s forum where himself and others are claiming that the women on this site are no different to ‘Feminists’; (I assume, this is what the term ‘WW’ refers to, but I could be wrong), that this article ‘Why Men Won’t commit’ has ‘mangina’ undertones and that committing to a woman “in this day and age” is like

    “taking your life savings to a casino and betting all of it. You are going to lose. The only thing in question is how much”.

    I understand that some men have been hurt by women before – hence their conclusion that pretty much no woman is worth it.

  • stefanie says:

    @Renee: I’m on your side, I think Peter Pan is predisposed to think negatively of all women and his language is much more shaming.
    That being said, I liked his comments simply because I thought he was open for discussion, even though it was a bit heated. Now I see that he just picked the parts that were easy to criticize and used fallacies and cliches. I do think, however, that it is good to have these kind of discussions. There is a big women-hating movement out there (menarebetterthanwomen.com is just an example, a satirical one, but one that even some intelligent men I know take to heart) and I think it is because many men feel like they’ve been trampled by feminist, men-hating, selfish and manipulative women.

    Most relationships I see around me include a woman who is domineering and a man who is too nice – not out of respect for her, but because he lacks the self-respect to stand up for himself. They eventually grow bitter and begrudge all the sacrifices they’ve made. The woman on the other hand, is unaware of this, because he only seems to put up token resistance against whatever she is trying to make him do. Her respect for him lessens over time, because he sulks, but never really makes a stand. Her girlfriends will jokingly congratulate her for getting her way, but really prefer a stronger type of man…

  • Amara says:

    I like how saying that “You are so full of it.” is considered fine by Peter Pan but saying that he is not “man enough” is insulting!! Hmm.. If you have nothing better to say go eat some ice cream it always helps us women when we get a little hyped up!!

  • twinkle says:

    There seem to be more ‘Peter Pan’ type men these days because women allowed it–trying to use sex for love and losing BOTH

  • Peter Pan says:

    ‘And, you’re sending a disappointing message to women on this blog. Most of my readers aren’t looking for a man who chooses to be a bachelor for life, and who can’t handle a woman’s ocean of emotion.

    They’re more likely looking for a man with integrity; a man with a strong masculine energy who chooses to commit with strength, passion and presence. ”

    I was not attacking David in any way.

    And the majority of your post above towards me is what is known as shaming language.

    Rather than discuss the issues you insult me by stating I must not be “man enough” and I don’t have a “strong masculine energy” blah blah blah.

    I thought you welcomed honest views and opinions here. Apparently I was wrong.

    I won’t be posting or reading here anymore.

    Good luck.

  • stefanie says:

    Peter Pan seems to be a bit bitter. Energy soul sucking vampires? Clearly you prefer to interpret everything on this website negatively… Unstable and selfish women? Sure, we’re not as stable as men, because we have much more hormonal ups and downs, because we are physically more vulnerable to stress (read up on your neuroscience if you don’t believe it), but most men would be bored if we were like them. My boyfriend has no problems handling my emotions – he comforts me when I’m upset, laughs at me when I’m ridiculous and is clear about his limits. He is calm enough, he doesn’t get off balance if I happen to make a big deal out of nothing. And he knows I’ll make up for it if I do something wrong. It isn’t a choice between getting angry or being pushed down (I’d opt out and be a bachelor too, if that were the case). A strong man can be clear about his limits without starting drama.

    And don’t pretend women are the only ones who misbehave – men have as much difficulty keeping their emotions and instincts under control. I know very few men who are *always* calm, patient and benign. Everyone has their weaknesses.

    I see a lot of men who are commitment-phobic because the closer their relationships become, the less influence they have. My boyfriend isn’t like that. He knows that I really want him to be happy and furthering the relationship doesn’t mean taking away his freedoms. His life is easier because of me – when you’re not in some sort of war zone, relationships make life easier. They enable you to cooperate and to divide tasks according to each ones strength and so on. There’s a reason that they say “behind every great man, is a great woman”.

    Maybe Peter Pan attracts the wrong kind of women. I know I wouldn’t want to date a guy that considers me a potential vampire. I got one that treats me like a queen – because he’s the king of the castle =)

  • Renee says:

    @Peter Pan: you have sufficiently disappointed me. I don’t agree with Court either. But there’s no need to tell my reader(s) as you have several times that they’re “full of it”.

    I’ll also point out that perhaps you could not only see what you WANT to see in these comments – there are several women who have commented above acknowledging David’s point graciously. There are MORE of these comments than the ‘Yeah, but…’ ones in fact!

    Even though my site is for women – some general principles remain the same. Remaining a bachelor/single is not inspiring. It’s an easy choice, as I see it. You don’t have to take responsibility for anyone else other than yourself.

    I have to say this though: I understand why men DO want to be bachelor’s for life. For some, it’s the only way that makes sense. And I don’t want to make that wrong (it’s just a personal choice) – but just to tell you that I know at least most of my readers are not looking for a bachelor. I know plenty of men who love to commit to a woman. I also know a small number who prefer to be bachelors.

    Everybody’s journey is their own I guess.

    And, you’re sending a disappointing message to women on this blog. Most of my readers aren’t looking for a man who chooses to be a bachelor for life, and who can’t handle a woman’s ocean of emotion. Telling men to be bachelors….we don’t consider that good advice.

    They’re more likely looking for a man with integrity; a man who chooses to commit with strength, passion and presence.

    Having said this – I disagree that women by nature are more giving than men.

  • Peter Pan says:

    “Women, by their very natures are more giving than men.”

    You are so full of it.

    I love how all these responses from women have the “yeah ..but..” thrown in.

    There is another way to all this. Remain a bachelor for life. Deal with women as you see fit and on your terms. Then you don’t have to ever worry about coming home to a energy and soul sucking vampire.

    And sit back and laugh at all the other men that have been brainwashed into thinking they have to put up with unstable and selfish women.

    You don’t.

    Off to neverland……

  • Dinet says:

    I found myself reading this whole article and when I was getting so many mixed feelings, finally a smart response. Thank you court.

  • Court says:

    We live in a society that teach men to be selfish, not responsibility for others. It teaches us we have the right to have emotional relationships & sex outside of the commitments of marriage. That we should “go for the gusto,” and “you deserve it.” Much of what we believe about life in general is formulated by educational systems, comics, hollywood, the government, books, articles, and advertising influences. We live in a society where women are taught to be like men and men have a feminine side. We are taught to be in it for ourselves. When we are taught wrong. We learn bad habits and desires that cater to ourselves. With all of this bombarding us how can we give up what we want for another person. Marriage is a commitment to take care of, love, cherish, and prefer another, even over ourselves many times over. We are selfish people in gerneral. That’s why men can’t commit. Women, by their very natures are more giving than men. Not in every instance, but who is it that gets up in the middle of the night with children, or take care of them when they are sick, or takes out the trash when the lazy man won’t do it?

    • gettingmedieval says:

      Court ….. you have explained the real truth of the matter…the wisdom is in the heart

    • Imlloookingforadime says:

      Not in every instance, but who is it that gets up in the middle of the night with children, or take care of them when they are sick, or takes out the trash when the lazy man won’t do it?

      A man could easily say that in fact their more giving because a majority of the time men pay the most bills.

      A better example would have been to point out the fact that men abandon their children far moreeeeeee than women

  • Dan says:

    At some point everyone has been sat somewhere they don’t want to be and starts gazing out of the nearest window watching the birds fly by doing as they wish.
    I could not agree more that men want freedom, everyone does.

  • Cath says:

    “One of the biggest desires for men, regardless of tradition or culture, is freedom. The Masculine energy strives to break free and experience freedom. It wants release from the constraints of life. The feminine energy wants to fill up; with love, joy, energy and attention”…..

    Cool.

  • twinkle says:

    Women should NEVER ask a man to commit to them because it makes them sound like his mother…..the best thing a woman should do is have other interests, hobbies, friends, etc. and be free and the LAST thing a woman does is SLEEP with a man BECAUSE, we have a hormone called pitocin that binds us to them…and makes us vulernable besides..

  • tracy says:

    this is great! and probably very true =)

  • niki says:

    A guy once told me that it’s mainly the man’s job to start or initiate the relationship and mainly a woman’s job to maintain it. It seems that you’ve echoed a similar sentiment in your article.

    In many traditional cultures, women are taught exactly what you described. But our Western culture sees this attitude as backwards and chauvinistic.

    Thanks for being brutally honest. Western women need to hear the truth, no matter how “politically incorrect” it may sound.

    I’m looking forward to more “reality checks” from the male perspective.

    Keep up the good work.

  • susan j says:

    hi David im one who took over on all of my family responsibility after he threw all things on me ,i mean he was let to be free yet still he is not happy with this . women do not want men to be slaves for them but some commitment to family is necessary to increase morale of the lady. thanks

  • Larry says:

    “It’s a horrible thing for a man to go to work and then come home to yet another obligation.”

    Can I get that on a button? Really. Right there is what so many people miss. I spend all day negotiating with clients. I enjoy my job, but when I come home I don’t need more negotiation and balancing acts and social restrictions.

    “But the real truth is, men love to commit, especially when it adds value to his life, like passion, excitement, adventure…”

    Exactly! Girls, when you explicitly ask your man to commit to you, you’re making an ultimatum. You back him into a corner, which triggers fight or flight. He has to either submit to your request for a life-long responsibility or reject it to assert that he doesn’t submit to you. It’s a no-win scenario.

    Think: Would you want him to say “so are you going to be my cook for life, or do you not love me?” You have no right answer to give at that point.

    Instead, committing to you has to be his idea. He may not say it explicitly, but he will commit to you if he decides, for himself, that it is in his best interests to do so, because it makes his life richer (in whatever way he defines as richer). If he does that… you know that he really means it.

    A masculine man secure in his masculinity that has decided to claim, commit to, and protect a woman can be right up there with a mother defending her young. Don’t force a man to do that; be a woman worth doing that for, and he may, when he’s ready, scare you with how much he is willing to do so.

  • David says:

    @P: Thanks for your welcome!
    @Stephanie, Amy, BelleVeritas, Jodi, Lauren, Marie, JP: Thanks for your support! I’m glad you like my article!
    @Rebel: Thank you for your comment. I totally agree that both men and women have baggage, and that shouldn’t be ignored or else problems will massively escalate. So pushing existing problems down will never solve anything.

    If I had a blog for men, I would tell them to embrace a woman’s emotional hurts and scars and make sure it never happens to her again.

    I don’t mean at any point that women are the only ones who should be making the effort. If I had a blog for men, I would be a lot harder on them. However I do believe that both men and women have the POWER within them to influence their partner.

    By influence I mean the ability to create attraction, to get through to the other person, to influence their behaviour etc.
    It’s that ability to influence that is what I’m so passionate about.

    My guess is whether you’re a woman or man, and you’re sick of trying to “make the effort”, then you’re not getting that communication through to influence the other person. I’ve been in that situation many times and so I have absolutely no judgment of anyone who’s sick of making the effort, but you just have to try something else.

    Find what works, because if you cared that much, there’s always a way to get through to someone.

    I firmly believe there’s always some way of really impacting someone and getting through to them.
    I’m sure there are many men out there who are desperately trying to influence their woman without much success and it kills them inside.

    Passion can be a very difficult thing to maintain in a intimate relationship. I wrote this article to help women answer the question of why men don’t like to commit. But the real truth is, men love to commit, especially when it adds value to his life, like passion, excitement, adventure…

    • C R Morton says:

      BRAVO DAVID. Your comments are so insightful and awesome, OH if more of todays men would understand exactly whay you have expressed.

  • JP says:

    Good Point! Why do we sometimes make relationships seem like something you have to do…an obligation. That just doesn’t sound like much fun at all! I think focusing on the attraction & passion is a great idea.

  • Marie says:

    This is a great article. So very true and insightful. No wonder men hear “commitment” and run for the hills. It does sound tragic doesn’t it?

  • Lauren says:

    Thank you very much. You have to spark attraction and then add wood to the fire to keep the passion smoldering.

    Great Post

  • Jodi says:

    “The power you have is in the attraction you can create between him and you”. This 1 sentence alone is so liberating. True femininity is so empowering. David presented well written, insightful and life changing information. A million thanks for sharing your perspective.

  • Stephanie says:

    great article david !

  • Amy says:

    Thank you for writing this, David. It is nice to see a man’s input. 🙂

  • BelleVeritas says:

    Yup, makes sense.

    I saw a 60-year-old bachelor (definitely a commitmen-shy “player”) BOLDLY paint the word “freedom” on himself in a bodypainting exercise.

    Thanks.

    D

  • Rebel says:

    Hi David, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You have some wonderful points about the questions that would be useful to ask of yourself as a woman so as to attract your man and create passion and excitement.
    BOTH men and women have baggage. Emotional stuff that is there to be dealt with at some stage. So, as a woman reading your post to hear that some men don’t won’t a woman with baggage kinda feels like you are saying HIDE this. As a woman I want a man who is strong enough to take me as I am – baggage and all! As I will take him with his emotional stuff – what I want is a commitment to both of us moving forward and dealing with our emotions together. (And I am married to man who wants to do this with me).

    The other point is – womens’ lives are also filled with responsibilities and obligations – so we are no different to men in regards to that. And what your article creates is another obligation for us to be the ones making the effort – and I can tell you now the general feeling out there for women is that they are sick of being the ones to make the effort!

    I know this is a site for women and what women can do to change their relationships, and I can see how there are men out there who are pressured to commit by women and hence your article – these women need to know that men will show up differently for them if they show up differently. Finish your article with…your wonderful suggestions…what this can create…AND how your man will show up because of this… and what is in it for the relationship if we women focus on those great questions. Give women this light at the end of the tunnel and finish on a positive. You asked for feedback so I hope that this makes sense. It is my opinion only and I also feel that beneath your written word is the intention to make a difference!

  • P says:

    well i just have to say hello to david as well 🙂
    Thank you for being there behind the scene (the front of, in this case 🙂 )

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