My question to you is this: is it true that your boyfriend or husband takes you for granted and only makes time for you when it suits him? Or is it that it’s too easy for you to feel like you are not special? (Click here to get your “Goddess Report”)

In other words; are you making up the story that he only fits you in when it’s convenient for him, in your head?

Here’s why I ask: feminine women seek attention; we thrive on it and we need it to feel feminine (many women will sell their souls for some attention from men) – BUT it’s not always beneficial for women to seek it out because it’s a dead end trap; most attention is cheap and short-lived. It can come and go as fast as it comes.

So maybe the truth is that YOU have a RULE about how much attention you OUGHT to receive in order to feel loved?

And, that is very dangerous. To you. The more rules you have for how you feel loved, the less love you will find.

How many people are you going to let go of because you are more like a 10 year old girl in a relationship who stomps her feet in fear when a man appears to actually have a life outside of you? (Why can’t I be loved for who I am?)

And how long are you going to pretend that you cannot already exist AS love, radiating love and warmth, WHENEVER you choose to, and not have your happiness dependent upon how much attention other people can give you?

Here’s the truth: Maybe, you have more spare time than he does. Maybe, you get bored more easily. Maybe he is more active than you are and enjoys always doing things and you’re more of a home body.

Here’s a fundamental truth about men: they don’t have that much attention to give you. And if you want him to give you attention, you need to train him to do that by positively reinforcing him when he does give you attention.

Eg: he FINALLY calls you – what you DON’T do is say: “OMG, FINALLY you call.” This is a major downer for him to hear/feel from you.

He doesn’t notice the time; he’s busy, he’s working, he’s focused, he’s being a man; all those things that actually cause you to be attracted to him. Remind yourself of that.

I’m here to suggest something important to you: that you actually just want a man who is truly PRESENT with you. Who is intensely masculine, who owns himself and gives you deep attention, not cheap attention. But to GET that, guess what? You must be the other half of the equation. This kind of quality presence from a man demands a high quality and highly evolved kind of feminine energy (the type where you choose to exist as love even when you feel UNloved).

Would you agree?

If it really IS true…

There’s another side to this problem. Maybe a man really IS only letting you in his life when it suits him. It happens, and it happens a lot, to a lot of women. It’s happened in my own life. As I’ve said before, sometimes, we really are somebody else’s back-up option.

But  this is usually obvious; because usually what happens is he keeps other women around, talks, calls and texts other women, you guys break up and when those women are off the radar, he asks for you back, and you go back – sometimes because secretly, you don’t feel that you have many other options (You DO).

I wanted to ask; do you really believe that he is only making time for you when it suits him?

If you do, and you STILL want to be with him – then it’s time to make him feel a sense of loss. This is not selfish, it’s something you have to do with everyone in your life. Friends, relatives, co-workers…we are ANIMALS….we are going to take things for granted, not because we are bad people, but because someone up there, or evolution (whatever you believe in), made us that way.

It’s our own responsibility to train others to value us. We are not babies, we are responsible adults, aware and conscious of our own relationships and aware of our own ability to SHAPE our relationships and teach others to value us. (Click here to take the quiz on “How High Value High Status am I on Facebook?”)

On the odd occasion in life, we might find someone who is evolved enough to not take us for granted, and actually values the idea of not allowing him or herself to take you for granted. These people are rarer than rare. I’ve only met one; my husband. But my boyfriends before him were not that way.

How do you make a man feel a sense of loss?

You stop being desperate for his attention, and fill up your need for attention elsewhere.

That’s the first step.

The next step is to NOT respond when he “comes back” out of convenience. Make him work for what you guys have together.

People WILL come back to you if you are/were High Value enough in the first place. If you added enough value to their lives, they will fight for you. They will feel loss. It’s natural and it’s human nature. 

NOTE: I didn’t say” DON’T RESPOND. I also didn’t say REJECT HIM. I said: don’t respond WHEN he comes back out of convenience. When is he coming back out of convenience? How would you know? You may not know to start off with; but you will learn through life experience and through having the courage to be present with your own thoughts and actually looking at the situation objectively, putting all anger aside.

Look; there’s a difference between doing this from a nasty, malicious place. I am well aware that 90% of women who read this dating advice will jump up and down and go ‘yay!!” and think this is PAYBACK and ignore that man out of a feeling of payback for the terrible feelings they feel about not being put first.

I don’t intend this advice for those women.

I intend it for you.

Do it because you KNOW something about human beings; that we will, from time to time, accidentally take people for granted, we will get self involved, that men might do that to you. and just like the mammals that we are, we need to be pulled in to line by a well-meaning lover, or friend who cares enough to preserve the value of the relationship by not being available when the other person is contacting us out of convenience.

This is what I would want my own friends to do. Indeed, my man does it for me, and I respect that.

The final part of the puzzle is: are you courageous enough to actually train others in what it feels like to lose you?

Because many of us aren’t. We fear we don’t have other options, if we were to be too unavailable for one particular person. We fear that they would hate us and leave us. Well, sometimes, they’re going to hate us. Again, we are animals. We’re not logical, ever-so-perfect mammals. Anyone can hate you whenever they want, without notice. Even you hate yourself sometimes, don’t you? But you are not dying from it are you?

If you’re not, then why not give this a go?

If you want to get a better understanding of how to understand men, click here to check out our Understanding Men Program. Or check out the rest of our programs by clicking this link. 

Have you ever done this with a man you were dating? Maybe you’ve done it to a friend? Have you got any reminders/tips for other women on how to do this with dignity and self respect? 

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109 Comments

  • Maya Pinyon says:

    Of course the man may just be a narcissistic selfish jerk who needs to be kicked like a bad habit?

  • meme says:

    I have been with my partner for 6 years and he done cross some boundaries that shouldn’t be cross. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I feel like he doesn’t respect me n my feelings because im way to nice. When he hurts my feelings he plays the victim and turn it around n make me feel like I’ve done something wrong. So when i call he ignores me and want pick up no matter how many times i call n text. I threaten him every time he hurt me n say im done but i always accept him right back, so i know he isn’t afraid to lose me and he continue the same pattern n takes me for granted. He knows im a good woman anything he ask me to do i do it. Ive even showed him things that he never experience with another woman. I also think it was something to do with age because there’s a big age different. What should i do to make him be afraid of loseing me. I know it’s time to take action instead of just talking

  • Marissa Hornaday says:

    Hi Renee. I was dating a guy for about two months when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He then got news that he might be moving to Japan for work and told me that it wasn’t the right time to pursue anything. However, he continued talking to me as if I were his girlfriend and I let it happen because I was holding onto the hope that I would be one day. It was a constant roller coaster, wondering what to say to him, how to act, etc. And on top of it, it was a long distance relationship because he had moved back home until he figured out where he was going to work. I knew that he was busy and so I tried (and was very good) not to be needy or expecting him to talk to me all the time. However, about a month passed of not being his girlfriend but letting him talk to me like I was and I felt like I was being strung along. He would text me at night saying he missed me but if I ever texted him or wanted to call him he was “too busy.” And it was the same response when I tried planning to see each other again. Towards the end he went a few days without even contacting me, though I saw that he had been on social media. Finally he did contact me, again saying how much he missed me. I replied and asked if I could call him that night but he was “busy.” He didn’t text me again until the next night (I saw it in the morning because I was already in bed), and he said that he was lying in bed missing me. I couldn’t take the roller coaster anymore so I told him that I had something that I wanted to talk to him about and I called him and told him that I felt everything was a grey area and I was confused by the fact that he went days without talking to me and couldn’t talk on the phone, yet texted me after as if nothing had happened. I said that maybe we should take a break until things were more figured out because he was really busy and he just said “sure I guess so.” I know that I made him annoyed and now I have no idea what to do. I miss him so much and wish I would have just understood that he was busy and not brought anything up. Is it too late to do anything?

  • Gelina Mattson says:

    We all have different reasons why those of us who contacted Akpe Osilama to help us make our faithful to us some of us did it for lover, because of their children or health condition or even because they wanted not to be alone. For me it was non of those though i love my husband and don’t want to raise our teens alone . The reason why i contacted Akpe Osilama to help me with a spell truly was because my husband was running for one of the seats in the Riksdag,the national legislative body of Sweden. Now i am not going to say if he won or under what party for security reasons i did not ask for a spell to make him win or something NO i just asked for a spell to make him stop being a chronic Womanizer it was going to affect his campaign. I have lived with him for 20 years and after countless occasions of catching him cheating on me i have come to live with him like that though it hurts to death. I wish i knew all along all those years about Akpe the Great spell caster maybe my life would not have been this way. Like i was saying, His womanizing behavior got him into a lot of trouble and if any of those stories where to hit the press it would have destroyed his life and this political career and probably landed him in jail. With all the advise from me and his advisories of his campaigning team it was still not enough to bring him to caution. I went to the extreme to make sure he stops willingly or unwillingly that is i meant with some of his lover and asked to pay them off but they were not ready to let go it. I think he offered them something more that money that even with the amount i offered them, they all refused and believe me it was very surprising and they will turn down a large amount of money. We my husband got to know about it he mad mad at me and gave all sort of threats. I was confused and his opposition were digging to find dirt on him and still was so convinced that they will not find anything but they did only with no evidence that was how lucky we were. Right then i took matters in my hand and contacted Akpe Osilama with the email address i saw on the internet i contacted him and told him what i want him to do for me to make my husband be faithful to me till our dying day and make all those people looking for how to bring down my husband stop. OK note my husband is a very honest man who would not hurt a fly he was just careless and always picked the wrong kinds of woman that get him in trouble. Akpe Osilama asked that i provide 4 kind of item me being so careful employed expert to help me get those materials mailed them over to him. I sent a total some of 3000 dollars when converting from Swedish Krona to American dollars. And it much much cheaper if i had asked him to get them for me. But whats done is done. Just after four day sent me a package, not telling its content but is totally harmless and told me how to make the spell effective. I did as he told me and in two my husband somehow magically broke tires with all the women he was involved with i don’t know how it happen and those people trying to kill his political ambition stopped immediately. I wish i knew this Great man all along my life would have been perfect. His campaign team did not understand how i did it and what i did they were just happy all the worse is past. What wow me the most about Akpe Osilama was that he told me the out come of the election before the election date last year because all this happened last year and just what he said will happen really came to pass. And again i can’t give full info because of security reasons. I little advise for those that are going to contact him via this email (chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast@ (yahoo). com) rewrite to usual email format if you are asked for material to do the spell don’t go about it yourself Because you will waste a lot time and money on it and get to see asking him to get them for you with the total cost you wire to him will save you a lot. You have nothing be be afraid you can trust him with anything Because all he does is help people no matter how hard it may be.

  • Rosla Loveu says:

    If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Akpe Osilama it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Akpe Osilama was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com

  • Heilwig Fuhrmann says:

    \I am another individual that Obudun Magonata awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Obudun Magonata the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We’ve been best friend even before we could speak , we played together got in trouble together made silly promises at least we kept it but one i could not keep one. I could not stay friends with him forever, i didn’t want to just be his friend i wanted more i wanted him to love just as loved him but he saw me as just a friend or he didn’t want to admit he was also in love with me because it was obvious we sync perfectly made the same gestures, always in each other arm we were like lover that don’t make love . I was always a step behind when it came to letting him know how and what i felt about him. I wanted him to be the one to tell to say to me that he loved me and has always did. I wish i didn’t wait for him i wish i told him maybe it wouldn’t have took so long to be with him in first place. Through out our high school and collage years he was the guy every girl wanted to date he was the guy every wanted to give up their v card for and all the while i was the best friend of the guy i was in love with the one he tell all the nasty things he’s been doing with them. As hard as it was for me i couldn’t complain because we weren’t dating even when i wanted it so bad. I always found myself wishing i was the girls on the other side. We shared everything about our life and even told each other thing we never told those we dated. I couldn’t keep a stable relationship with any guy they all thought we hang out too much each other and i care for him more. They all left because they knew i was in love with him even when i tried to hide it always surfaced. My love life was a total mess and at first, it was really not a big deal because i thought with each man that come into my life a part of what i felt for him will fade away but it wasn’t the case. I found myself not being about to love them enough or always comparing them with him that always led to the death of the relationship. I knew i had to let him know i was in love with him and i knew it was going ruin a our friendship and also his relationship. I hated myself because she was a nice girl but i wanted to know if i had a chance, if we loves me just as much as i loved him but he never told me he was too mad with me for what i did not until Obudun Magonata helped me unveil it. I kinda picked the worst time to let him know about my feeling because he was engaged and i made his fiancée call it off. And for two years we didn’t speak he told me he never wanted to see me again and that i was dead to him. I was once again alone with my feeling all my effort to restore what i broke was in vain. I was happy the wedding was called off but was not so much because i didn’t get him instead he hated me for what i did. I was really really confused i wanted to stop loving i needed to get him off my mind and over. I was on that quest when i found Obudun Magonata on the Internet read about his work with some people and how they all got their heart desire. I contacted him with this email spiritsofobudunmagonata AT yahoo DOT com in the standard email form off course that they left on the Internet he told me the spirit had already told him that i was going to contact him. I only told him about how i was in love with him and what happened when i told him about my feelings but he knew we’ve best friends since we were kids that i did not tell him he reveal something only Ryan and i Knew yeah that is his name. Obudun Magonata told me that Ryan was always in love me like i loved him but he was unaware of his feeling. I asked him to help with with an enchantment that will make him love me and spend the rest of his life with me. All he used for the process was the materials he asked me to provide and after four days he sent a package via courier service which i paid for with content based on the enchantment he had done for me. I did not pay him anything for what he did for he did not ask me for anything. I followed the instruction i was given and just like told me Ryan was my to love again and i was his to love just like i wanted. Everything happened like the movie only that it was not like it. I mean he was in another state but he came down to let me know he now knew he was in love with and he wanted to love and just love me. It was the best moment of my life i never felt happier than how i felt that day. Just for the record we have being together for a year and six months now and still strong i can even sense a proposer it was one of the thing Obudun Magonata told me will happen.\

  • Elizabeth Bella Jane says:

    After being in relationship with morgan for seven years,he broke up with
    me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I
    wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him
    with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem
    to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a
    spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am
    the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice
    than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no
    problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will
    return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in
    the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I
    answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for
    everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he
    loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we
    started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise
    that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help
    to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful
    spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from
    all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell
    caster, his email: drbhabumenrespellhome@gmail.com you can email him if
    you need his assistance in your relationship or anything he also help me
    to win $500,000:00 for lotto game.I CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU
    SIR HIS EMAIL: drbhabumenrespellhome@gmail.com

  • Alonso Robert says:

    If your wondering how to regain the all you lost during your addiction mostly family and job, the first thing is to remember it my never happen! Even if you’re putting consistent effort into changing your way of thinking and living, that doesn’t necessarily mean every family member is going to be ready to dive in to a new relationship. Sometimes, a family’s trust has been unraveling over years and years. It won’t be rebuilt over night or at all.The best thing to do in early recovery is either to focus on living sober and healthy. Quitting drugs, or no longer drinking, isn’t sufficient change for the addict. Your entire perspective on life, patterns of thinking, and living habits also need to change Otherwise, you’re essentially the same addict or alcoholic, only without the substance or just contact this spell caster he has helped a lot of people get their lives back including me when all seem to be hopless he always shrine the light of remdeption and hope. He fix all problem and i know this because i am writing this from my personal experience.If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Obudun Magonata was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is spiritsofobudunmagonata ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com . I know you all know how to make use of this email because email have a standard format use it in that form++++

  • RobertAlonso says:

    _If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Obudun Magonata it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Obudun Magonata was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is spiritsofobudunmagonata ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com ‘

  • alic benson says:

    OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever
    seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013,
    after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down
    and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all
    means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything
    possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me….
    And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress
    akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called
    Dr AKHARE on the forum.. And i saw how Dr AKHARE reunited a family and
    brought the Husband of a woman back to her in just 48 hours..I never
    believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before..
    Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not
    until Dr AKHARE did it for me and restored my marriage of 7 years back to me
    and brought my spouse back to me in the same 48 hours just as i read on the
    internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband came to my
    house and knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him
    back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don’t know how much to
    convey my appreciation to you Dr AKHARE.. you are certainly a God sent to me
    and my entire life and family.. he did his work just as he guaranteed me in
    48 hours and it yielded an optimistic result to me and i was able to get my
    Husband back. right now my Husband has falling so much in love with me and
    my kids like never before. This spell casting isn’t brain washing but he
    opened up his eyes to see how much i love and wanted him, i really don’t
    know how best to be grateful to you Dr AKHARE for bringing happiness into
    my life and family, and now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his
    Email: akharespelltemple@gmail.com, or connect him with these number +2348102799882
    //

  • alic benson says:

    OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever
    seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013,
    after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down
    and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all
    means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything
    possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me….
    And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress
    akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called
    Dr AKHARE on the forum.. And i saw how Dr AKHARE reunited a family and
    brought the Husband of a woman back to her in just 48 hours..I never
    believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before..
    Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not
    until Dr AKHARE did it for me and restored my marriage of 7 years back to me
    and brought my spouse back to me in the same 48 hours just as i read on the
    internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband came to my
    house and knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him
    back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don’t know how much to
    convey my appreciation to you Dr AKHARE.. you are certainly a God sent to me
    and my entire life and family.. he did his work just as he guaranteed me in
    48 hours and it yielded an optimistic result to me and i was able to get my
    Husband back. right now my Husband has falling so much in love with me and
    my kids like never before. This spell casting isn’t brain washing but he
    opened up his eyes to see how much i love and wanted him, i really don’t
    know how best to be grateful to you Dr AKHARE for bringing happiness into
    my life and family, and now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his
    Email: akharespelltemple@gmail.com, or connect him with these number +2348102799882
    ….

  • alic benson says:

    OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony i have ever
    seen..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 30TH OF JUNE 2013,
    after my husband separated me and my marriage of 7 years was broken down
    and i was totally inconsolable and without hope because i have tried all
    means to get my husband back after much pleading and did everything
    possible to make sure that he comes back, but nothing worked out for me….
    And i saw a marvelous testimony with this email adress
    akharespelltemple@gmail.com of this powerful and great spell caster called
    Dr AKHARE on the forum.. And i saw how Dr AKHARE reunited a family and
    brought the Husband of a woman back to her in just 48 hours..I never
    believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before..
    Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not
    until Dr AKHARE did it for me and restored my marriage of 7 years back to me
    and brought my spouse back to me in the same 48 hours just as i read on the
    internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband came to my
    house and knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him
    back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don’t know how much to
    convey my appreciation to you Dr AKHARE.. you are certainly a God sent to me
    and my entire life and family.. he did his work just as he guaranteed me in
    48 hours and it yielded an optimistic result to me and i was able to get my
    Husband back. right now my Husband has falling so much in love with me and
    my kids like never before. This spell casting isn’t brain washing but he
    opened up his eyes to see how much i love and wanted him, i really don’t
    know how best to be grateful to you Dr AKHARE for bringing happiness into
    my life and family, and now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his
    Email: akharespelltemple@gmail.com, or connect him with these number +2348102799882

  • Lyd says:

    Today, I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr igbodo of {igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com}, on how he help me reunited with my husband after 2 months of divorce.My husband divorce me because he saw another woman in his office and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me anymore and decide to divorce me.I seek help from the Net and i saw good talk about Dr agbuza and i contact him and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me which i use to get my husband back within 2 days.am totally happy because there is no reparations and side-effect. If you need his help Email him at {igbodospiritualtemple@gmail.com}

  • Myanna says:

    Thank you. That’s advice really made me realize a lot. And now im not as stressed.
    I’ve been with my bf for about a year now, he moved in with me about 3 months ago, things were going great, I got attention, and felt appreciated. Then about 8 weeks ago i found out i was pregnant, and my hormones are all weird. My bf doesn’t give me any attention anymore, i’m lucky if i get one kiss, (peck) the whole day. He does not want to have sex anymore, nor even cuddle, I’m always getting mad at him before and after work, or crying. Because he always says he will do this or be home for dinner at this time, but everything he says is not true, everything he says is a lie moreless. And to top it all off ever since he moved in, (and his dog.) He does not do anything, yeah he works 12 hours a day as a used cars sales man. i do everything and i have a 4 year old son as well. I make him breakfast in bed, and lunch everyday, do his laundry, take care of his dog, make him dinner, and more, and when i ask him for any help he makes a big deal out of it, and changes the subject, or makes me feel guilty that i’m asking him for a hand. He never answers my calls or text messages throughout the days. and even knowing i’m pregnant, i don’t want to end up loosing this baby inside me, but i’m so stressed lately and upset, and emotions are ……i don’t even know sometimes……i feel so lost, so unattractive, so lonely. I need some advice, something, I cannot go on like this anymore, i feel like i’m getting more and more depressed by the day

    • Laura Lee says:

      How is everything today Myanna?

    • Paul says:

      Sorry he moved in so you could be his move in maid and to save money, and he has someone else on the side he will soon make his number.

    • Fraya says:

      I had some of the same feelings when i became pregnant and again after having the baby. I know you are doing alot and are overwhelmed buy hormones and thoughts of being a single mother. Remember some guys are weird when it comes to having sex with the women carring theyre child. Even if they know its not harmful. Also… Has it occured to you that maybe you getting pregnant so quickly has scared him? Have you put yourself in his shoes? If i had just moved in with someone i would think of that as our trail period, trail to see if we could make a life together and she suddenly got unexpectedly pregnant, (as in we used precautions) i would most likely need to re-evalute everything. Suddenly you are now the women who will be in his life forever weather you are a couple or not because you have his child and that binds you for life. Also, my baby daddy works two jobs and has one day a week off, 15 hours days. When he would come home the first thing i would want to do is throw him the kid and go outside and smoke, or talk on the phone so i could have a conversation with an adult. Well that kinda behavior would make anyone take theyre time comming home because if he dont take his kid (that is only his kid when i need a break or the kid doessomething bad) its a fight. So i would give him an hour to unwind after work before i expected him to be daddy. Its hard but he comes right home after work. Also have you tried in a non manic way talking to him about these things? Asking him if your pregnancy scares him? If he says yes first tell him thats natural (cuz it is) and ask him how it scares him. Than try to help him with those fears or insecureties. I know this isnt your first kid but is it his? And if so have you included him in everything? Have you made youself avalable for any questions he might have? Does he have any baby books for expecting daddies? Dont forget you being pregnant means he isnt a dady of 1 but of 2 even if u get child support for the 4 yr old. That in its self is overwhelming. And if you feel like you need to ask him if he isnt interested in a relationship with u anymore than ask (in a non manic way), or if you think he might be cheating ask him about that too. But before you go to cheating ask him the other things first. I was super paranoid pregnant and i have stinking thinking but i am clear enough to know i dont want to accuse or ask him if hes cheating when its clear to normal thinking people he isnt. I hope this helps. And i hope things find you well. Mean go through diffrent emotions when we get pregnant and we have some weird fantasies about how they are suppose to react so dont trip if hes not acting how u expected! Also, most men do pull away and need head space when finding out they are fathering a child. It took my baby daddy 1 year to start bonding with our kid. And thinking about it it makes sence from a mans p.o.v. the 1 st tear is when baby bond with mom especially a breast feeding mom. I wish you luck.

    • Nana Lita says:

      Next time he comes home late. You just stay gone. Take the kids to your friend or your parent and have a good time for yourself without your boyfriend. Have a trip with the kid. When he comes home and sees you everytime waiting for him. He will assume that you will just nag but he will do it again. But when he comes and you aren’t there. He will wonder

    • aschloch12 says:

      What is the Feminine Woman going to Say?????

      BOW DOWN TO YOUR MAN? AMAZING!!!

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      Sounds like he wanted a mother! Not mutual responsibility!

  • Reena says:

    can u help me in saving my relationship – Please

  • seema says:

    I need to share many things, I need your help else I will lose myself soon…

  • seema says:

    I need your help…

  • Miss_hollykins says:

    Great :), this is just the type of article I needed to read! Not just with men, but with people in genural.

    It’s funny because every time I walk away from a situation, I end up loosing out, but not anymore! Because I can feel my fighting spirit kicking in!

    Now I feel that I can say whatever I want to others and it really won’t make any difference whether others go or stay, as I’d much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.

  • Nora says:

    Renee can you elaborate more on how exactly to make him feel this sense of loss? I am confused: you say don’t respond “when” he comes back out of convenience. I can totally see what you are saying, I am just not sure how to carry it out literally. If I don’t respond then isn’t that ignoring him? I am not sure how to talk to him if I am not supposed to reject or ignore him but I am supposed to “not respond” Could you give examples of dialogue?

  • Martha says:

    Hi Rene,
    I never listened to any type of relationship advise when I was younger because I thought my romantic life was so unique that no one could know better. My two long term relationships with younger men not only left me older and lonely, but very confused and still ignorant regarding relationships. The first time I felt frightened about love was when I accepted that I didn’t know how to keep in my life someone I love so much… not only I didn’t know but I helped pushing the relationship its unavoidable end… I was in the middle of my last crisis when I read that there was hope for making my ex to come back. That was originally my interest on your emails.
    I still read all your emails and I thank you so much for educating me about what to learn about myself and how to re gain my integrity as a woman… how to love myself and what to trigger in me to nourish it… and… how to understand what the man in my life are, how they differ from me and what to do to keep him in my life … not only forever, but forever in love with only me.

    I don’t regret my past relationships. I still love them both in a different way but now I am searching for a man near my age and i read your emails to learn more about what to do and what not to do to retain a man I really like. I can still get a little revelious when I think it should be the other way around but when I think about the difference in numbers like the fact that there are less and less good and real men left not only because women outnumber men but because men marry or turn gay … and that besides facing that much younger in age are the woman I am competing with for the same type of man – I am 51- There is any space left to question that I am happy you are there for woman like me I can learn from. I don’t take for granted that you are doing most of the work. I am only just here slowly preparing for the love of my life and I am planning on keeping him forever in love only with me just like you do with your husband. I appreciate you so much for all your help Rene. Thank you.
    Martha J.

  • FunnyMe says:

    Oh man.. this article hits the spot. I met a man almost a year ago and we started dating. Everything was great and moving along at what I thought was a serious relationship pace. I was wrong. I started noticing that he would be texting all of the time and would check his phone a lot. My first instinct is that he was seeing someone else. But why would he check in front of me? He is VERY career driven and cannot seem to stop thinking about work even when we are together trying to watch a movie. We broke up 6 months later because he said he didn’t have time to give to me. He also was planning his future and moving out of state for a year in the next 6 months and he didn’t want to do a long distance relationship etc. I was devastated and I still am to a certain extent. He wanted to be friends and I decided no, that I needed space and time to get over him. 3 months down the road he contacts me numerous times and I finally respond. He is apologetic and hates the way we ended because I mean so much to him BUT he doesn’t ask to get back together. Instead we try to be friends again. NOTHING has changed between us. We went back to hanging out and doing things that we used to EXCEPT there is nothing sexual happened between us. People think we are back together and I got so used to hanging out with him that I didn’t think of the ramifications to my own personal life. He just moved out of state in which I helped him move and now I have radio silence for 4 days. I know this isn’t a lot but when we had been hanging out every day and texting/talking every day to nothing it seems a little like I am a friend/faux girlfriend out of convenience. I can’t seem to let him go because he has emotional issues that i choose to not discuss here that have me wanting to not put too much pressure on him BUT I also need to let this go. I KNOW he will text me. Probably about his day and how he is doing and he won’t even realize how his silence has affected me. I have not reached out to him and I won’t , but when he does reach out to me I am unsure of how to act. We were just friends at the end, but I wanted more and I am fearful that if I stay just a friend to him that he will continue to keep me as just that. I will miss him more than you know, but I need to move on with my life. I don’t know how to respond. I don’t want to ignore him but I also don’t want to encourage him either. Help!

    • Anita says:

      Honey if he’s not ready for a serious relationship right now, I guess all you can do is decide if you love him enough to wait for the long haul.
      If not, like you said, it hurts you to be with him when the situation makes you feel a convenience. I’d say in this case use Renee’s advice and find a way to be a giver and not a pleaser.

    • Ali says:

      If your parents were both 6s, your mother could have spent her 20s hooking up with 8s – but your father couldn’t have. Young women days often do that these days. However, when these women reach their late 20s / 30s they will have to drop back down to dating 6s if they want to secure commitment. This process is difficult to accept because after 10 years of hooking-up with 8s she will have to realize that in fact she was only a 6 the whole time (the same applies for 5s hooking up with 7s, 4s with 6s etc). Truly hypergamous women never realize/accept it and so they keep getting dumped, or stay single.

      Women in their 20s often have a vastly overrated sense of their value and think that male 8’s are in their league when the women are only 6’s or 7’s.
      That’s the hardest lesson for women to learn, that they can get sex with men that don’t love them that much, that aren’t into them, that will even stick around for a steady supply of sex and companionship for a couple years, but these men don’t love them deeply and sure as hell never intend on marrying them (though complacently sliding into marriage or kids does often happen).

      Basically it’s quite hard to find a man who’s really into a woman and that the woman is really into. I think probably half of women are fairly hypergamous (meaning they only feel strong attraction and romantic love if they guy is of somewhat higher value or better) and these women are going to struggle because their minimum threshold is too high.

      • Paul says:

        First get out the numbers game it is silly when guys do it and worse when a woman does it. Ladies if a real want to spend time with you he will show it, and try to date you and court you. It does not mattet if he has to travel to come see you and bee with, he will make the effort because you a worth to him.

      • Nana Lita says:

        It’s natural that people choose to date someone that they find “attractive”. So when women date 8s even she is 6s then she overrated her looks. But when a man prefer 8s but he is 5 it’s ok for you right? These pick up artist numbers might be a one person perspective. Attractiveness varied

    • Paul says:

      Your were just an option to him, second or third position at best

  • pawni gupta says:

    Its been couples of month…. I m being ignored a lot… Bt now i realise dat m over reacting…. He still dsnt cal me daily bt tym to tym hv cntct wid me nd meets me…
    Thanku for making me feel nrml nd back again 🙂

    • Paul says:

      A real guy does not need to talk to you every day, if he is setting up dates on the regular and you both talk a lot stop rushing it

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      Do you REALLY know what he is all about and do you accept that? Men don’t just fall into love, they may fall into sex or lust. But smart men add women into their lives, because they believe that she will be worth it and it’s the right timing. Some men never grow up! One is emotions – which women do best – and the other is logic. We need the balance.

  • mcharm says:

    Hi Renee,

    I thought at first I would join your courses, to get my ex back, but the more I read your findings, the more I realize that this is about getting back me, and finding the High Value Woman inside of me. If my ex comes back it is not through my desperate attempts at getting him back as I was doing before, but because he wants to be back. It is confusing him, my new behaviour of being nice to him, fun but not expecting anything or any love. Before everytime I saw him, I would be expressing myself to the bone, now I say hi, be nice and leave where he is. It is a wonderful feeling and I thank you.

  • ingrid says:

    I have a huge question but i dont know who to ask.i feel that your perfect. How do you do it. My boyfriend and me have been together for 2 years and you know the begining of the relationship was great he would see me all the timw althought he waS busy. Now i feel just taking for granted i read this but i find this hard because if i were to this it would just make him angry and fight. I dont see him that offten and when i do he would watch maybe a movie and then leave because he works. I feel this man does love me but i want him to show it. He promises me he’ll “take me out” but i find myself just saying “one of these days”. I need help i just dont know what to do i want his time & attention

    • Paul says:

      Guys date to advance the relationship that means taking you out at least once a week unless you want to see him more often. And we make time for those we really want to be with

  • PA says:

    “Never Allow Someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” MARK TWAIN

  • sarah says:

    hey!! I fell in love wid a guy a few months back..!! we both wer vry happy… aftr a few days he started giving excusessaying his parents gt to knw n all… n recently he says he wants to break up wid me cuz he thinks I started bitching abt him..!! we both wer best friends before n now he refuses to evn b my frnd.. he says he wants to focuss more on his career n stuff..!!! I don wanna let go of this guy.. I love him a lot.. plzz help!!!

    • Paul says:

      Sweetie you are no longer a challenge to him, you gave him everything he wanted from you too quick.

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      He was trying you out, like you were trying him out and you liked it and then he didn’t. So like is shared here, you need to become high value so he or whomever else comes along will find something to stay around for.

  • nabiha says:

    hey please i need your help!

  • Bella says:

    I’m at a totally different situation.. I was married for 10 years before I got divorced. It has been 2 yrs since then and dated guys and recently met an amazing, great man. He is 26 and I’m 30. He has accepted I have 3 wonderful kids as he also has 2 of his own. Things were going great but a bit too fast. We started seeing eachother from weekends to 3-4 times per week to almost everyday. I was so emotionally and physically attached to him and he complains he doesn’t see me much. I recently started feeling like I’m suffocating. Although, I love his company, I want to feel like I miss him but he doesn’t let me miss him. I do enjoy his company but want that time for myself too. As much as I love attention, I never thought I’d get to the point where my boyfriend is “too clingy” to me. I’m not ready to move in with him but also definitely don’t want to let him go either. I guess what I’m trying to let you girls know that this is how men feel as well. Give them their space, you don’t want to hurdle them otherwise they will feel suffocated and eventually reject you.

  • zaheera says:

    Му boyfriend °̩ really love him his like the first guy °̩ love so much,its impossible to forget him no matter how hard °̩ try, he likes girls with short dresses their pics he have noo time for me °̩ understand his workn but αη∂ gym nd play sports but he has time for all of that but me °̩ really ∂σηт know how to explain how °̩ feel.

  • Maddy says:

    Thank you so much renee for this article. It came in my email inbox just at the right time as I am starting to feel like the man I am dating is ‘slacking off’ as in he doesn’t contact me as much and I’m always initiating contact and plans.
    I have a question about when you say to not respond when he contacts out of convenience. Do you mean if he texts me, don’t reply till hours later? Or not reply for a couple of days?

    • Abi Jaiy says:

      Less is more.
      Dont reply to him after a day.
      You are always making the calls, the texts and plans, after a day.
      And when you text less is more, dont text essays save that for when you are together

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      Find new territory. When the old is too familiar or has become boring, people move on!

  • Diana says:

    I have something to share. Last year around Thanksgiving I met a man whom was THE alpha, very career oriented, very confident… Etc. We dated for 8 months. He very much took me for granted. I always felt I “fought” him to give me what I needed. He would give to me by taking me out, impressing me but i was empty inside and felt lonely. He was selfish and took without giving. Though many of his qualities attracted me (manliness, strength, his determination and many more), I walked away. I was so proud! Granted, by that time I realized I deserved more and wasn’t afraid to go look for it. Though he agreed to the break up, he was shocked.
    I dated someone else for 5 months. Complete opposite of my alpha ex but he didn’t take me for granted. Still, at times I wished he was more like the ex at times. It didn’t work out. I couldn’t imagine spending my life with him.
    Well alpha ex and I got back in touch. It was supposed to be a friendly catch up (in my mind) but he immediately started to make all the wrongs right. He he apologized profusely for taking me for granted. He told me I was the best woman he’s ever dated. He said during our time apart, he’d sit there and think about how good he had it but pushed me away. He has said things to me that are shocking because he’s never opened up to me like this. He holds me, tells me he’s missed me, kisses me, rubs my feet, tells me that he will show me how much he appreciates me. I’m very happy. The best thing is, I feel he is sincere. I have peace and I feel like a million bucks. We both agreed to start over and HE brought up committment to me, HE brought up wanting a serious relationship this time possibly more, HE brought up meeting each others families, HE brought up how from the moment he saw me again, HE had to have me back. I don’t have to fight him.
    I’m all for walking away. I didn’t know I’d be back with him of course, but I knew that I needed to make a statement. I had given him enough without receiving so I had done my part. Now here we are months later (around same time we met last year!!) on the same page. I’m not sure where this will go but I’m enjoying my alpha strong man worshipping me. He’s still him but with a hint of warmth and a sparkle in his eyes.

    • Madam says:

      I just walked away from mine. I broke up with him a month ago, but I don’t think he took me seriously because we have been through this before. He would call text etc but not to make things right, just to make small talk. Then I found out he has another relationship on FB with some girl that lives in another country. He went to visit her and she posted pictures of them on FB! That same day he sent me a text asking if he could watch a movie on my amazon account. I was like seriously? NO! I told him to ask his new girlfriend which he denied profusely! Then I called him a fing liar and an ahole. He called me bitter and a psycho (shrug) anyway I blocked his contacts. We have been at this for 5 years! OFF and ON. OFF and ON. I had to put a stop to the maddness. No guts no glory. If he does show up again he is not just going to walk into my life. Right now I feel like I dont want him but it may be because I am still angry.
      I’m glad it worked out for you 🙂

    • Wendy says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your story Diana! It sounds divine. I am in a situation now, it’s actually become toxic for me. Many times I cannot believe I am in this sort of situation. I own up to my responsibility in that I continually leave and come back…he has no respect for me and just takes all that I give…my bad!

      Being the never-ending romantic and having an Alpha male of my own, your advice is exactly what I needed. I’m following through and will let you know how it turns out.

      Cheers to you and your guy with the hint of warmth and sparkle in his eye added on!

    • Diana says:

      Well my alpha guy and I are still going strong. He was offered a new job 4.5 hrs away and asked me to move with him. Again, this was the guy who didn’t want to talk about 3-4 months ahead when I dated him the first time around! I accepted and he’s gotten us a house. I’m so excited and still in shock this is the same guy. He’s been away for 2 weeks for training and he calls me 4-5 times a day. I used to be lucky if he called every other day before. I’m still 100% sure that our break up was the best thing. I couldn’t be any happier.

  • Holly says:

    Even if I had no options in the world, other than one man that was miss treating me, I would still walk away knowing that if I had nothing else, I would still have my self respect and dignity. Theirs not one person that you can’t live without.

    This year, I’ve lost contact with my dad, sister, friend ex and practically other people too, but they can’t have respected me much for that matter, or they wouldn’t have mistreated me.

    I still have a mom that means well by me, my beautiful, happy daughter, that I’m blessed and privilege to have in my life.

    Not to mention all the opportunities that I have for the future. Sometimes in life, people part from your life path for a reason, even if it’s not obvious to the human mind. Sometimes you have to just trust in life and know that everything is going accordingly to your life path.

    If somethings meant to happen then it will happen.

  • Bobbie says:

    Thanks for your common sense email. Your timing couldn’t have been more perfect not only was I allowing myself to be his option but I also realized he has now placed me from a relationship status to a booty call one. So I won’t be responding to his text’s or emails any more and have moved on and started dating again. I do deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
    Thanks for your insight
    cheers Bobbie

  • Irina says:

    Hi Renee! Thank you for this article! It really made me feel empowered that I have made the right decision! Six months ago I started dating a guy I met almost 5 years ago! I had the biggest crush on him 5 years ago, and I thought of him as my future husband! When we got together six months ago, (out of nowhere) I didn’t have any expectations!! We went out, dated, had a great time, spent lots of time together playing volleyball, rollerblading, hiking! I met his friends, he cooked dinners for me, and I just received and gave feminine energy ( I did do nice things for him of course, but he always made the plans and initiated, he was the man!) our relationship progressed slowly, which was kind of nice!. We slept together 2 months after we met, and sex and connection continued to get better. Then things slowly stared to slow down (or we got comfortable) we only saw each other on weekends, and we would talk once or twice during the week. He started a new job and was busy at work. I wasn’t always available to him, unless we made plans in advance. I was also busy at work. After carrying on like that for another two months and not getting the attention I craved and deserved, I told him I would like to see him more as this casual thing wasn’t working for me. He agreed and we made plans to go away overnight, he called more and everything was great for the next three weeks, I felt more connected to him than ever!!Then all of a sudden everything stopped abruptly. It was the weirdest thing! He stopped calling, he would make plans and then cancel them , I didn’t see him on the weekend! He said we should get together to talk, and he cancelled on that as well! At this point we went almost 3 days without talking, and I told him the silence was not cool. He asked if he could call me that night… We talked for almost two hours…his underlying response ” I guess I’m not sure what I really want right now.” I was crushed, hurt and disappointed, but I held it together and I told him I can’t continue like this as my feelings for him were already intense. I couldn’t continue sharing myself with a man that doesn’t know what he wants! He was quiet and paused a long time before saying “you’re wonderful, and you have amazing qualities, and I want you…we’ve shared great things together, but i don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now. I hope we can still see each other sometimes”. I said ” I don’t think I can do that, I cant see you casually when we’ve shared so much intimately together”…. He said ” I feel like this isn’t the end” and I agreed saying ” I don’t feel like this is the end either, and it’s a great feeling to have. If we are meant to be together, we will be, maybe right now is not the time” . So to make a long story short, he didn’t choose me, we were civil and understanding and let each other go :((( It’s been a week with no contact. I don’t expect he will come back, not soon anyway, as he does have things to figure out…. But I do hope he comes back and fights for me…. And is that future husband I thought him to be! :)) In the meantime, I’m seeing other guys and keeping myself busy. It hurts, and I miss him. My mind wanders to what the hell happened so quickly that made him go 180 degrees???! Wanders to the wonderful times we spent together, and then to the fact that he didn’t choose me !! :(( Your article is true, and I believe we should embrace rejection as it makes us stronger, as difficult as it it: we should give the man the opportunity to choose us or not choose us as hard as this is going to be for us women! xoxo

    • Bobbie says:

      Hell Irina. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve experienced the very same scenario. Good for you taking action. It really is impowering. I like you have done the same thing. If it’s meant to be with us it will be but I’m not losing sleep over it. I believe my guy is also very scared to make a committment and woke up one day and realized it. Oh well, he lost a great gal. And I woke up as well and realized how special I am. Don’t ever lose sight of how great you are. To lose that insight is to truly betray yourself.
      Take care

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      Sounds like he has the “option” of another woman in his life.

  • Ladiakatlyn says:

    How do you train a guy to realize what it’s like to lose you without going extreme?

    • Nora says:

      Ladiakatlyn…..I am wondering this same question and wishing Renee would give us some examples…like how do we train him to realize it without coming across as a bitch? Cause it seems like no matter what I/we do that’s how we will come across….aghh feeling frustrated

  • sunny says:

    Hi, I would be really grateful if you would explain why this is happening;
    for the past month I have been told by a friend how a guy has been staring at me with interest every time he sees me enter her street, but I never noticed until 3 weeks ago when I entered the street and he looked me right into my eyes as he crossed the street but I just continued driving past him but my eyes also looked back at him and this continued happening until two days ago when it was a sunny day n I drove into that street to pick up my friend as usual and he was standing against his car with a friend, soon as he saw me his face lit up all smiles talking with full hand movements, turning around smiling at me and as I waited for my friend he kept looking taking his cap on and off, looking directly at me n smiling like he’s on top of the world, he’s whole body was facing me smiling full eye contact, side walks across the street forwards backwards n smiles non stop, and as I was leaving he looked me straight into my eyes and smiled so beautifuly, I looked ahead as I was driving but I smiled just a little with a blush, BUT for the past today he saw me only in evening as I drove in to drop off my friend and he saw me but didn’t look at me, he got out of his car into his garden and then just waited in garden fidling with his keys and then ran towards car again, why did he stand in garden soaking wet while in rain just to show me he’s ignoring me??
    Please explain his behaviour as I can’t stop thinking about him.
    thnx xx

  • Mrs Houston says:

    Hi I read your article but I have to admit I think I’m a little confused. Well me and my husband have been married for 3 yrs next week. For some reason I feel like our love is lost. We don’t talk the same. I just don’t feel loved by him. He is only really nice to me when I get paid, he wants sex or He gets to leave the house with out me complaining about him leaving me. Other than that he doesn’t listen to me which starts an argument, he puts his family over me which his family and I don’t get along. Its like everthing is lost in our marriage there has been episodes of infidelity in the marriage where there are huge trust issues especially me trusting him. I just don’t know if this is something that we can come from. From family issues with my inlaws and his inlaws, to infidelity, to personal problems in our marriage. It just seems like all is lost and I’m always looking on the internet for new ways to improve my marriage but when your constantly the only one looking for ways to improve you have the other person that thinks their perfect so they don’t feel they need improvement. I just feel as though our candle burned out and our love is gone.

  • maryam khan says:

    Hi, i m a muslim girl and went thru this article while random browsing, and i was so astonished after reading it. I was depressed as i was not having my husband around me from 2 days, he was out for a business tour and my sis was gettin engaged(will b married after 2yrs, so engagement is not that much imp in our culture, nikah or wedding is of much higher imp). Yet he called me and marked his presence fully via attending whole get together on skype. This article make me realise that how much we muslim girls are demanding as our husband have spoiled us, we do not need to struggle to get a life partner, if we like him or he like us we will just show our consents to our parents and the rest is in there and Allah hand afterward. They make sure that we get that boy without there girl loosing her self respect so that they both live a happy married life with pride, afterwards. We do not have to seek our husband attention or protect him for other girls, they are abide to do this by our religon and if they do not give us due attention our get into relationship with another girl, then they are not only made suffer by our religous law but also his parents have to take serious steps to bring him back on line 😉 so we have a tripple layer protection ofvia our religon law, state law, family values. So men at our side are quite good and easy to handle yet they also demand for a peaceful romantic atmosphere at home in return of financial burden they are dealing for us, which is quite easy as compare to earning money in this world (p.s. I am a microbilogist and a post graduate, and have a four year of job experience also, so i know what i m saying)…..
    plz let me know ur views…

  • Anna says:

    I wanted to share a recent experience I had with you all that directly related to this article.
    A few days ago I was at my boyfriend’s place cooking dinner. I had come after work and went to the grocery store and then made a simple dinner. I told him about my day and we discussed it a little bit, but he didn’t seem to be able to give me his full attention. After dinner he did the dishes and I asked if he would watch a short sitcom with me before I had to leave. He said ok, but went to check his email. After 10 minutes or so, I asked if I should leave. He said no, why would I ask, and I said because he was checking his email and I seemed to be just sitting there. And it’s not like we live together or see each other often, then I wouldn’t mind. Plus, I was only asking 20 minutes of his time and if he told me how long he’d expect to check email, then I could decide better how to use my time. He got annoyed, because he essentially is working 2 jobs. Well then a business client ended up calling him from another country and he picked up the phone. So he was talking to this guy for 30 minutes and I’m sitting here steaming thinking “WTF????” and so I just pick up my things and leave. I am SO angry. SOOOOOOOO angry. I absolutely HATE IT when he’s on the computer or doing work when I’m around. Because WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING, TWIDDLING MY THUMBS??? Then I get home, and I read this article. Then it says: “Here’s a fundamental truth about men: they don’t have that much attention to give you. ” I know he has 2 jobs and he’s stuggling with them, and very busy, and this call is important for his business. So I cut him a little slack there. Then I asked myself, “if this happened when he was around, what would I do differently?” And my answer would probably be: not much, but maybe excuse myself for a moment to give him a kiss and let him know that this will take a while and give him the choice to leave or stay the night. But I would still take the call. But the epiphany I had was that MEN DONT HAVE THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO GIVE YOU. I didn’t know that. I began to look at him as a person who just doesn’t have the capacity to give me as much attention as I do, and I started not to feel angry anymore. And I knew he’d call me afterward to tell me how the call went, so I decided to ignore his call, pretend to be asleep & make him feel loss. Well he called 3 times. And I read Renee’s remark: ” I didn’t say” DON’T RESPOND. I also didn’t say REJECT HIM. I said: don’t respond WHEN he comes back out of convenience.” Well, I felt like he was coming back out of convenience, because he could have talked to me when I was there instead of checking email. So I didn’t call back. But then later… I did. Because I didn’t want him to feel I was doing that to punish him. He answered, and the first thing out of his mouth was how SORRY he was for not giving me as much attention when I was there, & the joke he made at my expense, how he loved my dinner & cooked for him, and a long list of how thoughtful I was and how he appreciated the many things I did for him. I said thank you. Then he told me what happened in the call. I said great and that I was happy, but I am tired now & have to go to bed. It was nice call, and made me feel good & loved, and it was all thanks to rereading this article. If I hadn’t done that, I would have been mad, and maybe scolded him for what he did. Now, I didn’t have to do any of that, and instead I got a big apology and sweet words from him, and more connectedness.
    Thank you Renee.

    • Renee Wade says:

      Thank You Anna, this comment just makes me SO happy. I can see exactly how painful this is for you. I have been through the same thing in the beginning with David.

      One thing: you’re right not to hold any of this against him. In time, as you grow and understand him more and he grows to understand you more, you’ll realise you were upset over your own rules, and that his actions never really meant that he didn’t WANT to give you attention, and in NO way do they mean he no longer loves you.

      Men everywhere do exactly what your man did here as you describe. It’s not a new problem..it’s an old and painful problem for women everywhere though 🙂

  • Elizabeth says:

    Im in love with a man I’ve been dating off and on for almost 3 years. We are also business partners. He is the kind of man you described: masculine, owns himself and gives deep attention. It’s funny how quickly women he dates start asking for a relationship because of HIS attributes. But he just keeps saying he’s too tied up with his work to work on a relationship. After 3 years of dating him, I suggested we try out a relationship. He said not now. So I backed off and now were just doing the friends only thing. And my attitude has shifted…mostly away from him. And now he’s coming closer, albeit slowly. This weekend, I’m without my son and he’s not asked to do anything. So I sent him a text and told him I would see him next Tuesday. He texts back asking if I’m going on a trip. And then he asks me to a movie Sunday night (this is huge for him). The point is, there are two events where I could have seen him this weekend and he knows this. But I was implying I had other things to do. Bam! He asks me out on a date.

  • sweetmwe says:

    i have been dating this guy for one year en 7mnths can u imagn thy guy is so full of himself he kns tht i love him bt does nt call me en only calls wen its convient thy are tyms even stops pickn upn ma calls……i love ths guy bt i fill he uses me en only wants me wen thy is smthn he needs from me wat should i do cause m failn to date other guys because i love him so much

  • Susie says:

    I have been with my partner for 14 months. We barely see each other twice a week. He spends 1 day with me through the week if Iam lucky and 1 night at the weekend. We only live a few miles from each other. Yet he expects me to go around when it suits him on a specific day. I have had enough but Dont no what to say when he asks me around for a few hours. I guess if i Dont have the strength to say anything then this will forever go on. Any advice wouldnt go a miss. should i confront him?

  • mimi says:

    pls, tank u so much, I love ur advice. We girls need to value ourselves for others (guys) to value us…..

  • Victoria says:

    I’ve just called it a day with my man. We had been dating for 5 months.started off exciting and romantic and then he started a new top exec job which meant working every hour god sends etc. Amazing and a thoroughly deserved role, but our ‘dating’ went out the window. It became regular to have one phone call a week and be expected to go to his on eve at the weekend a week. Dinner and night in together and that was it. He’d turn up late for events I invited him to, say he’d take me away for Christmas and come mid-march had never done it. We were supposed to go out for dinner Saturday and he never called to arrange so an hour or so before we were supposed to go out i called him. He didn’t pick up. So I sent him a lovely text telling him he’s wonderful but that this was not okay. He called me back and claimed he had a food bug, having been out with mates until 2am……so it’s over. He is a beautiful man and I am absolutely gutted. Just think bad timing. We will meet in 2 months for a drink after our various work projects, but I just didn’t want it to be acceptable to continue forward being neglected or forgotten all the time as I was. I feel bad though as I think he did try and I wonder if i’ve thrown something that could have been decent away. Anyway. I guess if he wants me he will come and find me in a couple of months. And i guess if he doesn’t then i know where i stand.

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      Feel for you, but you have rose colored glasses. You think he is all that, when he is not. You are convenient like a warm blanket (and they are easily replaced with another – but you have not connected with his soul. You like the comforts too, but that is not his focus. He is shopping, he is not ready for a commitment, he still wants to play. You are on the list but not at the top. Not wanting to be mean by saying that, but you need to see it for what it is. If you haven’t broken him away from “boys night out” – I mean a little is okay so he can have his space and you can hang with the girls – then you are not his priority. And so is that really what YOU want?

  • Mary says:

    I was wondering how often is it normal for men to become focused outside of the relationship and not pay attention to their woman. Days? Weeks? Months? Years?
    I left a 10 year marriage because all of his outside hobbies and interests and work meant we only had about 8 hours a week together. Wad this my bad?
    Then I got into another where the man pulls away from the relationship for weeks and leaves me all on my own in terms of family care (we have a son), and any type of support including when I am ill. He tell me its because he is focusing on himself and work to make a life he can be proud of, but ultimately I feel abandoned and resentful that the weight of the household and relationship falls on my shoulders for weeks or months in time while he’s off in his own little world. When he comes back to the relationship I don’t feel like I can trust him to be here for us or rely on him for anything and we’re back to zero again and again. Am I supposed to just accept this if I want a man?

    • Mary says:

      Also, When he pulls away like this, he makes all communication impossible. My conversation, texts, emails and calls are generally all ignored or dodged. He says he needs his space and time to think and that a good partner would be supportive and understanding.
      But where is my support and understanding supposed to come from as a woman? Outside of the relationship?

      • Lori says:

        Hi Mary,

        NO, you should NOT accept this behavior, just for the sake of “having a man”. There is something wrong with this situation if he really loves you, but there is a reason for everything, so let’s figure that out. A GOOD man will care about and honor his woman’s feelings. It could be that he is immature, and confused about HOW to be a good partner to you. He may not know what to do. It also could be that YOU have something to do with pushing him away, but he is scared to leave the relationship because he feels guilty since you have a child. Maybe he doesn’t love you, but feels trapped. I know a lot of men who stay with women they are not happy with just because they have a young child, and their morals are to do the right thing. But they are usually honest about that with the girl, they wouldn’t lie and say that it has only to do with work. Is he living nearby, and with anyone? Or it also could be, if he is doing it all the time and you think he will CONTINUE to do this, that he is just a player and has a secret life and lover, and continually going back between the both of you like a child who doesn’t know how to accept responsibility. I say this because he doesn’t even allow contact, which is weird, you don’t do that if you love someone and especially when there is a baby involved. A good man would want to be able to be contacted if there was ever an emergency.

        Only you know what his past ACTIONS have been with you to prove that he cares and wants a family and wants to be with you. If he shows he cares through actions and you get support from him financially, then you know he is not using you and he’s not selfish. What kinds of things does he DO for you? If ever? That’s the first thing you must think about.

        If he is there for you USUALLY and giving you more than you give him, then tell him your feelings without making him feel like you are making him wrong. Just tell him that you feel disconnected/abandoned/unimportant, and that you did not sign up for those feelings when you decided to be in a committed relationship with him. And that you signed up for a relationship for support and for him to be a man who is there for you and your son. Ask him sternly if there is anything you should know, that he hasn’t told you, because you are very confused. He will wake up and smell the roses if you tell him that to feel important and cherished as his woman is a need, and a boundary you deserve. If he doesn’t step up, then when he comes back to you or contacts you, close off your heart and body by not saying I love you or kissing him or any type of romance, and keep your schedule busy so that he can realize he freaked you out. Do NOT make him important and just focus on you. Then when he demands that you tell him what is wrong and why you are so closed off, he will be attentive to what you have to say this time and actually listen. Tell him you feel neglected, and you don’t like it. Tell him that you deserve to feel important to a man you are in a relationship with (say this with complete confidence, without caring about how he reacts). This does not mean give him an ultimatum and “tell him what to do”, that he “better stop neglecting you or else”. Because if you do that, he will get defensive and resent you.You will just make things worse. So just dont make him wrong. Stay calm, but let him know your true feelings. Once he sees that you care about your own feelings more than you care about what he thinks, you will show him that you are a high-value woman who thinks highly of herself and will only accept great treatment from a man. It will make him realize you are so valuable that you can get a good man easily, so he better step up or he KNOWS he will lose you, since you are not radiating the vibe that you need him and will put up with anything he does, and putting yourself before him. This will increase his attraction as well as respect for you, if he is a mature and good man. He just needs a wake up call, to realize his actions affect your feelings and needs. He wouldn’t want you to be unhappy if he was a mature good man. This is showing self respect and self love. If he lets you leave the relationship for him deciding to not respect that you won’t put up with neglect, then that just tells you his true colors, and you deserve better than him anyway, and you CAN find better than him. Don’t settle to not be happy on account of a man’s own selfish ways.

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      I wonder if we grow up on those Cinderella stories and think we are all that men want to focus on but that is not a real reality! Men DO have other interests and we need to just figure out what we want that is beyond Prince Charming as our centerpiece. Because when we get another interest that is not his, we wonder why he is not into that, like we are not into what he is! We need values beyond what we just want and like. We both like “the cozy” but there is life beyond that, or should be, and when there is not or it’s not the same, then we drift apart.

  • Rue says:

    You have NO idea how much I needed this! Thank you so much Renee for telling me what I needed to hear. You see, the whole point with being afraid to leave because you think you will be hated and have no other options fits me perfectly, and I need to gather up strength and courage to do what is right and best for BOTH of us 😀 😀
    Lots of love
    xoxo

  • Princess says:

    Great advice and very insightful. Thank You!!!!!

  • Elahe says:

    Dear Renee, i believe every word you say and i’m so much lucky that i have this opportunity to read your words. You are fantastic, Renee. you are like an angel that you’re sharing your great knowledge with others. That is so amazing.
    Now, i want to to tell you something i believe you can help me.. you know Renee, i have a man in my life who loves me, and he wants to marry me. but i am scared.. what if he regret his decision after marriage? what if one day he would not love me no more? besides, he is two years younger than me ( i am 24 and he is 22) this is the issue that makes me fear from this relationship most. Would you help me on this Renee?? i believe no one but you can give me the right advice. Please, help me…

    • Elahe says:

      Dear Rene! I’m looking forward for your answer impatiently…

    • Anna says:

      My answer to you would be: Let go. Let go of your worries I mean. To have a man in your life that loves you and wants to marry you is more than most women out there have. I would appreciate that. And as for your soon to be fiancé’s regrets? Well, even if you regret your decision to marry, marriage is about working through your obstacles together. If he asked you to marry him, then he should be ready and willing o work through those obstacles for you.

      • Elahe says:

        Thank you Anna! Thank you honestly, that was beautiful… i read your words over and over again and it helped me a lot.. You are right. There is no reason to worry about things when there is no real reason!

  • Sally says:

    Hello Renee!

    I always look forward to get your e-mails. I have a lot of questions about developing femininity that I want to ask you, but I know you are busy.. But hey, I still find comfort in reading the articles you write! Thank-you again for your time in writing these articles and e-mails to inform so many women (including myself) and men and ourselves.

    🙂 Sally

  • Laney says:

    Hi Renee,
    Great post, so insightful…..I have recently had experience of this, probably in the extreme. My boyfriend who lived with me and who I loved very much was not treating me with the respect I needed as a woman. He felt it was okay to go out and not come home for two days, end up so drunk he’d not come home (despite trying to convince me and him he’d return) at all and end up crashing on someone’s floor. This was becoming a regular occurrence. I tried explaining how this made me feel but he didn’t “get it” and made no effort to even compromise. In the end I asked him to leave… In every other way he was lovely to me but I felt this behaviour was too disrespectful…. I agree that sometimes people just lose their perspective and need their partner to demonstrate a consequence, otherwise they’ll continue down a selfish path. I love this guy very much and can only hope he’ll reflect on things but at the end of the day you have to respect yourself otherwise what else do you have?

    • I'm Not Fooled says:

      This guy is missing a life focus. If you have a life focus then your relationship supports that. No one can really respect anyone without a life focus. Otherwise it is just “feelings at the moment” and those can be all over the place. Self worth should be in that life focus – for both.

  • Luleka says:

    his email finds me in perfect timing because it is exactly what I was going through this week. My man got too busy travelling and meetings that he forgot I needed input from him regarding a change I need to make. 2 and half days later (yesterday), I sent him a text; ‘I know you have a lot on your plate; I just need your input as requested 3 days ago; if you are too busy it would help to let me know and I can decide on my own. Thank you.’- He called me as soon as he finished reading that text and I didn’t pick up. He sent me a text telling me he has thought and prayed about me and asked me if I have any idea what the answer is. I delayed my response for 15 minutes and asked him to fill me in. Wise advice he gave me. He sent 3 moree texts about how bad he felt for not responding in good time, that he had the answer the day before already but was busy travelling and meetings. I get you Renee, thanks for your advice.

  • may zipp says:

    this was so good ,,this artical is teaching and l loved reading everything ,cause its the same mistake ive been doing ,,but it works ,thanks

  • pc says:

    Hey Renee, hes a friend. but he does come to me only according to convenience. coz hes either playing games watching movies and out with other friends for whom hes ready to cancel our plan!! and he also told me he takes me for granted and that he doesnt do it on purpose!!hes says hes knows il stick around. so hes fine. i dont know how to not respond. everythings clear here , but i get carried away when he comes back, when he “comes back” out of convenience.

    • Mary says:

      My advice would be to take a class or find a hobby. That way you can be busy when he comes around . You can be nice, and you have real plans so you aren’t waiting around missing him 🙂 GOOD LUCK

  • Cyndi says:

    This was a good reminder that sometimes our men ARE just busy. That is all there is to it. We (us women) tend to think everything has to do with us. I learned from one of your other articles that we need to remember that men don’t think like us, and therefore, don’t attack them for that. Thanks Renee!!
    Cyndi

  • Jenn says:

    I felt compelled to share on this. I agree totally with this article. these are the strategies I use:
    1. Love yourself first. That’s the only way you can love anyone else and not depend on them for affirmation.
    2. Respect who you are and what you bring to the table. Know your value. Be valuable. Valuable things are chersished and pursued. Dont act cheap and desperate. You are an asset to ppl around you if you bring value to their lives, not drain or become a liabilty to them.
    3. When you genuinely feel unappreciated, take your breathing space to clear your mind and distract yourself from the problem. Pursue some other interest, do something fun and fulfilling.NEVER be totally dependent on him for companionship, then you start being a burden, have a life outside of him.
    4. You dont have to give everything all the time. Allow ppl to ask too!!! Dont give advice too readily. Let it be requested and desired.
    5. Dont always be available. Dont always say “yes”!

    What I learnt is that you attract what you will tolerate/accept. You have to teach others what you will accept (conditioned behaviour). Most ppl are not evolved yet to appreciate the ppl in their lives often until that person dies! That’s just the fact.

    When I took that stand in my life, it was difficult at first cuz I felt like I was being very hard and ruthless but it turned oiut wonderfully. I no longer felt responsible for ppl’s bad behaviours, I live a more wholesome life and he pursues me far more. For eg, I may take a wknd ot go visit my mother out of town and he’ll call me frequently saying how he misses me lol! when before I used to be the one pleading that we need to spend more time together!

    It all boils down to loving yourself enough and knowing your worth to him/her, the cat and dog…. it doesnt matter.

  • Rita says:

    I love your articles and I completely agree with the comments and advices.I am fifty and I wish I had been educated on these issues before, I would have made fewer mistakes, but they will be useful to my daughter

  • AC says:

    “On the odd occasion in life, we might find someone who is evolved enough to not take us for granted, and actually values the idea of not allowing him or herself to take you for granted.”
    I’m one of those people. And I got there from having a lot of pain in my past relationships that I relish someone who is good, and never forget that. My honest hope is for everyone who reads this article, to grow just a little in their appreciation for the important people in their lives every day, and to strive to not take them for granted. I do this by focusing on 5 things I love about the person, every time he’s in my presence, and I keep a notebook of all the good things he’s ever done for me. I read it often.

    • Renee Wade says:

      Hi AC, this is beautiful, thank you for sharing your own strategies for keeping this feeling of gratitude. I appreciate this! xoxox

  • Alexie says:

    How does one “not respond?”

    • Alexie says:

      “The next step is to NOT respond when he “comes back” out of convenience. Make him work for what you guys have together.”

      Does this mean to ignore him? Be a little cold? Be somewhat noncommunicative? What goes into making him work for it?

  • Inna says:

    Hi Renee,

    I do practice this approach. Whenever I feel that I am not treated the right way I withdraw inwardly. I keep doing the same things for my husband like cooking and washing his clothes but I don’t ask him questions about his job or his friends, etc. I stop communication. I try to get rid of my hurts meanwhile and turn my attention to something that brings me joy like friends, parents, spa ))) Then he is right back and is usually eager to listen to me and to find out what happened and do something to be close to me again, to be friends )))

  • Catherine says:

    I absolutely agree with Renee’s words. The problem is, there is only a thin line between not responding when he comes back out of convenience and expressing the hurt i felt authentically and genuinely. I thought its healthy to give feedback, sometimes man are oblivious that they have hurt you. Sometimes, women just have to scream and shout or yell that to their man, and risk losing him, to break through our fears and give him a sense of loss. If otherwise, we dont have the right to complain years down the road, as we are not giving our man continuous feedback that he is god damn hurting us with his actions. He needs to feel the pain that we feel, and sometimes we have to scream that, yell that and say the darkest things we can ever think of , for instance, “you suck, i dont even want to know about you!” Is this rejecting him? I’m confused, how can i not respond, and also show that i’m hurt? I’m in pain?

  • Silvia says:

    Its absolutely true what Renee says, I´ve done it before, and It works, plus not being able all the time to my man, give me a sense of “High Value woman”, I´ve vanished from my man, and when he finally contacts me again, I am normal, no emotions shown at all and he wonders what has happened and comes back to be close again.
    When we show our men that we don´t need cheap attention, we show respect for ourselves indeed!!

  • CG says:

    I loved this! I also think it takes some experience to know when a man is actually taking you for granted and I agree with you, sometimes we women can just be pursing our lips. But it is hard when everything else is SOOOO much more important than me! Why is is so hard for men to drop everything?

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