Understanding Men: 5 Insights on Men to Ease Your Worries

Understanding Men

When it comes to understanding men, there are two important things I want you to know. Because I find that it’s very easy to forget all the little details and everything else when you are stressed out or upset about your relationship issues. And it’s helpful to remember these basics before you make decisions you will regret.

Before giving you the five insights into men — (click here to take the quiz on “Am I dating a Commitment Friendly Man?“) — I want to lay a quick but important foundation with you. Here are the two most fundamental principles:

1) Most of the things you worry about to do with men are actually not anything to worry about.

You see, we worry for our reasons, with our feminine hormones and feminine brain. We think that he is not calling, for example, because we haven’t shown enough interest in him – and so we call him and chase him out of fear; rather than thinking it through first. Yet, the bottom line is that if he wants to call, he will eventually.

As women, we read other meanings into things and think: Oh, did he say that because he actually meant something else? Does he really mean what he said? What does it mean when he said he has a meeting at 5pm? It means he has a meeting at 5pm and men usually mean nothing more than exactly what they said.

We also tend to worry…”what if he leaves me for Fiona? What if I don’t compare to other women? What if I am not interesting enough and what if Shelley is prettier than me and he will leave me for Shelley?

No. A man is not going to leave you for a prettier woman! it does not work that way. Men leave a woman if they do not feel any emotional attraction for her. They leave if the woman doesn’t show up high value (and high value is mostly about your radiance, your responsiveness and how alive you are).

In a similar vein, we think our boyfriend or husband didn’t do that thing for us because he doesn’t love us enough or care enough. But really, it’s because he didn’t feel, see and hear our request in the form of our emotions – ie: in a way that would impel him do it for us because he is suddenly able to connect to our need for it to be done (because he’s felt our emotions in relation to it). It’s usually not because a man doesn’t care, but our feminine brain interprets his actions that way.

2) Men are not bigger, stronger, faster females. They are men.

Male and female human beings have evolved over millions of years through two different roles: Women trained themselves to be gatherers, and men became hunters; this is the work of our ancestors, whether we like it or not. Now, the effects of the differences between hunters and gatherers are the cause of almost all of our difference and our troubles. Men and women are designed for different purposes.

This doesn’t mean that men can’t do what women do. It just means that a woman might be the better person to breastfeed the baby because she has an innate gift and biology for it.

These innate differences go beyond social constructs, and it’s the innate differences (not our attempt to reject these differences) that causes emotional and sometimes, physical attraction.

The same goes for women – women can carry heavy things just like men can, but they naturally have less upper body strength than men do – because of these innate differences.

For more on accentuating your femininity Click here to get your “Goddess Report.”

But through all my own struggles, here’s the best thing I’ve discovered:

Male and female differences cause us pain, yet at the same time, the universe made sure that women are well taken care of…

As much pain as the differences between men and women cause us, evolution has also made us work perfectly together in many ways. And don’t worry: As a woman, evolution didn’t ditch you. You are actually far better taken care of than you or any other woman would ever have you believe.

It’s just that taking dating or relationship advice from girlfriends often makes us dumber, and more stressed. Because most women get women; they don’t get men — which means that 99 percent of what women think, and the meaning we place on male actions, is completely incorrect.

When you stop taking advice from friends who may not be good at getting out of their own heads and in to your man’s – when you stop taking advice from friends who may not want the best for you, and make your own decisions, you may start to see that men actually want to be there for you, commit to you, and take care of you. Evolution made it this way, but men are wired to take care of a certain type of woman — a woman they see as high value.

Try to remember: Men are responding to you, and what you do. (and women are always responding to how men show up around them too). What does this mean? This means that how you show up around men is crucial to your relationship success. If you show up as low value, or less than you can be, you will get far worse than low value in return. Sometimes, you get nothing. But when you show up as a high value woman, you get far more than you bargained for.

Click here to check out the Understanding Men program

What do you Worry about when it comes to MEN?

I can remember the days, when I’d stress constantly about how a man I liked might think of me. I was also very quick to make terribly wrong assumptions about men that were… well, wrong! Wrong enough that assuming these things was just ignorant of me.

Have you ever worried incessantly about being cheated on?

Ever worried about him checking out other women? I guarantee you have no idea how much you totally over-stress issues with men that actually don’t exist, or aren’t true in his world. As a woman, you are wired to worry when you are in a fearful state.

But as a woman, you also have a lot more power with men than you have been lead to believe. (And I don’t think that’s fair, which is why I’m here.) You have the power with men more than you know right now, even as you are reading this. And your knowledge of men is your power with them. This is the basis of my program “Understanding Men” (check it out by clicking here).

Once you shift from being in worry and fear to being in love (putting your hand on your heart, and feeling the power of your heart), you can suddenly change the destiny of your relationship. You can get the commitment and attention you only dreamed of, simply because in a state of love, you are able to show up as a High Value, High Status woman – and High Value women get more than their fair share in relationships.

Your FEELINGS about Men aren’t wrong…but your perception of men is.

This doesn’t mean that your feelings about men are wrong, or that you’re making anything up — you’re definitely not; after all, they are your feelings. And as a woman, you know that your feelings are the truest and most real thing in your life. After all, we have feelings about everything!

The thing is, they are your feelings. And you know what that means? It means they are not his — which means that the man you are dealing with doesn’t do the things he does for the reasons you think he does.

When Men “Look” at other women…

I’ll give you a little example. The other day I was driving to the mall, and I stopped at the red light. While waiting for the lights to change, I looked to my right to see… two men in a car, staring at something to my left… and they were very concentrated on this particular thing.

I turned to follow their gaze, and saw a man in a car to my left, also staring intently this as-yet-unknown thing. Two seconds later, I see two young women in bikinis washing cars.

Now… because I understand men, I can laugh at this and not just roll my eyes in fear and anger. But I have a question for you: What is your instinctive, gut-level reaction to this? Do you sigh in disgust? Worry that your boyfriend or husband might look if you weren’t there with him? What are you really worried about? That he thinks those half-naked girls are better than you? That he wants to have sex with them?

The answer to all these fears is a resounding “No.” See, it took me a while to get this. Men are conditioned as hunters (and also just as humans) to take note of changes in their environment. So to them it’s actually like, Oh. There’s a bikini car wash in Melbourne, Australia? That is novel! Oh, OK then! Lights change. Moving on now. Half an hour later, most men will have forgotten all about that bikini car wash and the girls there.

They’re wired to look. I will be truthful: some men might want to have sex with those women, but those men are usually the men who consistently feel a lack; they are the men who don’t feel that women desire them, they are the desperate men. They are the men who feel deprived. The question is: Do you have a deprived man? Do you have a desperate man? If so, your worries might be well-founded.

We are always obsessed with the things we perceive that we can’t have. So, a man who hasn’t felt confident with women, a man who doesn’t feel desired by women or high value; is going to get desperate for sex because he is not ‘full’ within himself. His life is lacking already, so any easy perceived opportunity means a lot to him…does that make sense to you?

Are you Attracting Desperate Men?

The worry really is: Why did you attract this particular man into your life? If you have a man who always seems to be looking around for sexier women…then you have a legitimate concern. What should you do? Well, we need to first of all acknowledge that 1: he may not be a good catch, or 2: He needs to feel more abundant feminine and sexual energy from you.

Sometimes, some men are losers. Other times, (more often than we’d like to admit), we are not taking enough responsibility in our relationship to give him the value that he wants; and we get stuck in worry, fear and blaming him.

We need to consider why we attract the type of man that we attract. if you do have a man who is always sleazing around…why is he in your life? The answer is possibly because you are desperate for something as well — maybe attention… maybe variety… maybe the (so-called) security of having a man who is not as good a catch as other men. Maybe you’ve felt your whole life that you’re undeserving of a high value man, or maybe somebody unfairly made you feel inferior to other women (which is never true), so you feel deprived on some level that you don’t get enough attention,  which is why the first man who seems to give attention to you, will do.

It’s not your fault. It’s just what you’re going through. But once you become aware of this belief and relax into the reality that it doesn’t serve you, you can dismantle it and start showing up in ways that better express your true worth — and attract better men.

Regarding the bikini car wash: Would you be surprised if I told you that men would look with the same concentration at a row of 10 rabbits running across the road? And that they’d look with the same level of detachment and lack of emotion?

If it does surprise you or make you angry, or you just  don’t want to believe me, that’s OK. That’s what we do as women; we make things big in our minds, and we want to be reassured and convinced. Again and again and again.

Click here to read my article about Femininity and How to be your Best Feminine Self here

Right now, I’m going to share those five insights about men you should know before worrying yourself sick.

Insight Number 1) Men judge you far less than you think they do.

Most of the time, it does not serve men to judge women. It only serves a man to judge a woman when the woman is showing up very low value (and he needs to deflect her from his life ASAP).

More often than not, men are not judging you. Men don’t think of you the way other women might think of you. And other women can be harsh with their judgements of other women, because of competition. Women sometimes need to look at the flaws or inadequacies of other women to alert themselves – and the men in their lives – of the imperfections of her competition, so that women use denigrate their rivals and avoid losing access to their man. Women want to keep their men (and consequently their resources) close to them. resources are everything to a woman. That’s why so many women try to control their man and not let their boyfriend or husband talk to, or have any other women in his life.

With women, the smaller she feels, the more she needs to be judgemental – to keep threats at bay.

That’s really not true with men. Sure, men may judge other men and denigrate other men in order to feel better about themselves and maintain access to their girlfriend – but most men, most of the time do not feel compelled to judge you!

Biologically it doesn’t make sense – and if a man is really judgemental, then he will lose sexual access to women. And sexual access to women isn’t always easy or available to most men (Women mostly call the shots when it comes to sex).

When you have a conversation with a man and say something you think you shouldn’t have, then have multiple conversations with yourself in your head about how you ‘said the wrong thing’, he is most likely not judging you.

He is likely more worried about whether you’re open to having sex with him, or if he has feelings for you, he’s more worried about impressing you, or he has already forgotten what you said shortly after you said it.

This is because masculine men are generally more interested in having sex with you and/or enjoying being around your beautiful energy than they are focused on judging you.

Now, if you know me and my work at all, you know that I firmly believe there are very few absolute truths in life — and that everything is contextual. So I want to clarify, and say that yes, some men will judge you – but most men won’t. And you will feel that it you just pause and feel where he is at.

Yet the ones who actually spend time judging you and talking negatively about you are usually the world’s smallest men, they are not the rule, they are just jaded, emotionally closed, and perhaps fearful men who wouldn’t try to ‘get’ you anyway, out of fear of rejection.

That wasn’t me judging men….that is just how it is.

From boyhood on, masculine men spend their entire lives trying to be enough to be worthy of a high-value, high-status woman’s attention. Most men’s lifelong inner experience goes something like this:OK. I’m a male. I like females. I like them a lot. If I want to be worthy and enough in this world, I have to prove myself, and earn my own respect and others’ by making enough money, being funny enough, etc.

That was my attempt at speaking like a male, which, as a female, is the best I could muster. But I think you know what I am saying. As women, we don’t have to do nearly as much to get sex and attention.

But if you’re anything like me, you’ve spent quite a considerable amount of time in your life trying to do things to get a man’s attention when you could have worried a lot less, simply enjoyed yourself, and that would have done the job.

Because men don’t care about all the little details you think they do, or judge you for them. As far as I can tell, men will simply be repelled by you (because your type of energy is not what they’re looking for), or be indifferent to you because they’ve already met their one and only, or try to impress you because they are interested.

Just a final note on men not judging you: It doesn’t serve them to do so. From an evolution way of thinking about it – they judge women less, because that gives them more sexual options. It’s only when a woman is showing up as very low value that they might make head space for a judgement – but usually, they’re just repelled and try to get away as soon as possible.

Insight Number 2) Men don’t leave you because you weren’t good enough

Men leave for many reasons, but mostly it comes down to how they feel when they are with you. They usually leave because there was no good reason to stay with you. Meaning, the relationship didn’t add enough value to their life that it was worth staying in.

Sometimes men leave because they felt bad enough about themselves around you enough times that it was time to call it quits.

Remember this: commitment naturally takes value from men; just like men wanting to have sex with a woman can take value from women. For a commitment/a relationship to be worth it to a man, it has to add value to his life – and that means he needs to be with a woman who lets herself be High Value, and whom he is emotionally attracted to. (physical attraction is never enough for a man to get in to a relationship with a woman).

Insight Number 3) Men don’t actually want you to hold everything in and pretend everything is OK.

Move on from this terrible belief, and do something silly — like actually expressing yourself! Now, don’t take this too overboard if you have only had one date with a man… you need time to prove your value to each other before you can even think about unleashing “the crazy.”

But believe it or not, soon enough, if a man is masculine and you have attracted this masculine man into your life, he won’t mind you expressing yourself. In fact, he’ll mind your holding everything in, and being a sloth about your emotions!

Holding things in is not good if you want a commitment, and it’s not good if you want your man to be a better man. It is also not attractive. Holding emotions in is like not letting yourself do a shit. You can only do it for so long until…it all bursts out in a horribly epic manner. Yes, feelings work like poos. You have feelings whether you like it or not – and holding them in all the time is disrespecting yourself.

Disclaimer: the more you deny your feelings, the lower value you become – because you lose respect for yourself (self esteem comes partly from owning your feelings). But that does not mean it is okay to just unleash everything and blame a man.

Sometimes, unleashing your feelings is inevitable (because you can’t keep a shit from 2 weeks ago inside permanently) – and you have to go through that stage in order to become more responsive in real time and calibrated in your relationship.

Yet knowing all this…you MUST NOT blame or criticise. I don’t care how angry and hurt you get – I would rather you yelled I’m hurt over and over and over and over, and became so angry that you cried and threw a soft toy at his head than blaming him and criticising him. Men can recover from an emotional burst (even feel relieved after living with a contemptuous, cold woman for months), but it’s harder to recover from a woman trying to keep him down and make him feel small – because that restricts the one thing men want in life; to feel free.

Also, holding feelings in doesn’t keep the right man around. The right man wants you to be alive, responsive and to share yourself. Remember, I said express, not blame. If you want more on this, see my article on being expressive without blaming:

How to Talk to a Man in a Way that Won’t Make him Pull Away and Go Cold

I’ve done crazy things that, when I tell other women what these things are, they are surprised to know I did it. But if you ask my husband, he would tell you that these things I did were endearing (yes, I can’t believe it either). He loves that I’m expressive, and if you want something real in your life, not just a relationship for the sake of “having” a relationship to look good, then be real and be raw. (but don’t do that without also caring about him!)

If you want a man to love you for you — well then, you need to be you. It’s not helping you to reject yourself when all you’re truly yearning for is to step out of your own shell, and start expressing yourself fully.

You don’t have to act like a little girl, but you can use the 5-year-old-girl you once were — who simply played, and expressed, and did silly things — as a stepping stone to finding yourself. You’ve probably disowned her… and she doesn’t like it! Try inviting her into your world again to pull you out of your shell and loosen your body up.

Insight Number 4) When your boyfriend or husband doesn’t do what you wish he would, you can almost always be sure that it is because you haven’t communicated your needs to him (in a way that he understands).

You may think this means I’m putting the blame on you. No, not at all. In fact, when I discovered this, it felt like a gift, a well-kept secret, and a reason not to worry. It felt like: Thank God, maybe many men actually do want to be there for you? They want to be your hero? And this is not just your boyfriend, but even male friends and relatives.

What a novel concept that other women could never tell you! The only catch: Men don’t want to be there for women who don’t reward them with their feminine energy. So, reward your man — through your eyes, your gestures, your body movements, and your smile — basically, with your willingness to stay connected in love.

Why don’t men want to stay with women who don’t reward them with their feminine energy? Because men don’t get it otherwise. They don’t understand that you were scared unless you told them with your visible uncertainty.

They don’t know that you found something they did helpful, because they personally don’t often feel scared, and they don’t often need your help. But if he sees (through you) that he is helpful to you, that you are in wonder and appreciation for him that he makes you feel safer, guess what? Their brain makes the association that doing good, helpful things makes you happy.

And then…they want to do it more; because they perceive more value in you; and we want to be with, and give to those who are high value.

Just beware: The longer that you have withheld your gratitude…the longer you have withheld your happiness and loving energy from a man, the longer the path you will have to regain his trust.

Insight Number 5) Men wish YOU Understood them deeply.

Because when you truly understand them, you stop worrying, and getting hurt and upset all the time. When you’re hurt and upset all the time, your feminine energy doesn’t show up. You’re tight and controlling. And that is not pleasant from a man’s perspective — or anyone’s perspective, especially your own.

And look: When you understand them, men can give you what you need, and be the men you want them to be for you. There is an incredible allure to women who understand men, because these women are usually higher value, less defensive, and more radiant because of the lowered stress that comes from understanding men. Men are drawn to this kind of allure like bees to honey, and they want to commit to you just to own that allure — to own your soul for life.

But the key to getting that genuine commitment from a high-caliber man is not make-up. It is not a slimmer body. Men don’t care about these things; these are the feminine brain’s solution! What men care about is a woman’s energy.

Remember that! Open your eyes… and take a look around at all the attractive, successful men committed to far less attractive, perhaps jobless, and perhaps very overweight women!

The key to men is understanding them. You see, men who are masculine at their core (about 80 percent of the males in the world, according to various researchers) often don’t have many words, especially when it comes to their feelings. They don’t talk all that much about how they feel, and many don’t even understand what that word means in many contexts — which is like a foreign planet for you and me!

We get feelings, and we can speak about them well. But when you try to talk to a man about them, he’ll just go quiet or look blankly back at you. You can’t turn him into a woman, so the very best thing you can do is to put in the loving thought and care to understand him. The more you are willing to do this, the more that men will approach you for the right reasons (not for sex), and the quicker relations with them will start to fall into place for you.

I understand that, as a woman, sometimes you wish that men would put in the work in relationships, because you’re sick of doing it all yourself. But there are two plain and brutal truths you need to know:

1) You don’t actually want men to put more work into a relationship. Your fear tricks you into believing you want that — but you don’t.

In reality, you’d rather he be the man you can respect, the man who spends more time on his mission, actually making something of himself. You’d rather he be the man you are attracted to, not the soppy one who’s obsessed with relationship and deep connection like you are. As a woman, that’s what you’re built to love in males. Men are built differently. Thank goodness. I love men for being men.

And if you insist on keeping a man close to you all the time, and try desperately not to let him do whatever he wants to do, you’re really just creating the death of your relationship.


Sure – we need to be attuned to whether a man just wants sex or if he wants just a relationship – and letting a man be a man won’t be the only key to getting a man who only wants sex to fall in love and commit with you.

Yet – whether he’s committed or not – A man has to be a man. His world can’t be about being with you all the time; if it were, you would no longer be attracted to him. And without that attraction, you would feel a deep emptiness, and envy other people’s relationships — rather than having the wonderful relationship you so deeply crave.

You want a man who does what he wants, even when you ask him not to do that very thing. You know it’s true, too!

In life sometimes, what angers us is exactly what we need to feel alive and passionate. And guess what’s alive and passionate? A man and a woman who are attracted to each other — not a man and a woman who are restricted by the woman’s need to control him. (See my article on not being a boring woman.)

2) What you regard as work, or the effort you’ve put into a relationship, is not actually adding any value to your relationship.

Here’s an example: A lot of women think that discussing what’s wrong with the relationship, or discussing their deep feelings with their man, means they are putting “work” in. Yep, I still make this mistake every now and again. It’s the curse of being a woman: We want to talk things through. It’s the way we heal and connect.

A lot of women also think that asking a man about his feelings will help make the relationship better.

Yet, what if what would make the relationship better is for you to go away and add value to yourself/your life?

What if what would improve your relationship is you giving your man the space he needs to work or recharge?


Talking through stuff is usually good for a man when it solves a problem, or when he needs to get to a certain point or destination.

Women, though…we want to talk just to enjoy a man’s attention on us, or to connect with him. He wants to talk sometimes to connect with us, but less often than we want to talk with him! It is just not the behaviour he gravitates to as often as we do. 

Often, when there is not much emotional attraction in a relationship, you’ll find that the more you try to “talk things through” with a man, the more he will pull away and run from you.

If you want more information on how to deal with things before jumping in to having the ‘commitment talk’, see Check These 7 Things Before The Commitment Talk Threatens Your Relationship.

I know. It’s a pity that what works with your girlfriends is the wrong medicine with a man! But lucky you, you get to understand this, because most of the women around you will go their entire lives without getting it, feeling more and more fed up with men — or even winding up alone.

NOTE: This article has been updated as of June 2017. Thank you for reading my article. I appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to seek answers for yourself. The universe will reward you for that.

Now I want to make you an offer. I want you to experience the freedom, self-confidence and joy that I have through understanding men, so I’ve created a course on this very subject with my husband (who is my Hero). It’s designed for you to become the goddess you were destined to be with men, and it will eliminate your anxiety, confusion and mistakes with any man. I invite you to join me and my other members in the exclusive Members Area, where you can start “Understanding Men.” Click here to read more about this popular program:

Renee the feminine woman

  • rosie

    Some good advice but some I disagree with. I don’t think men and women are as different as you believe. And it comes across as a little sexist with all these implications women have to be extremely conventionally feminine at all times and men have no control over themselves.

  • deep thinker

    Insight Number 1) Men don’t judge you. This is totally false men even the most high value men judge women they judge your character say something stupid and trust me you will be judged if a women has a nice feminine energy but her character is lacking men will have sex with her and run off even evolutionary speaking men were very picky on who they committed to most women they would try to have sex with and try not to invest in any offspring that would come about the women who they did invest in had both feminine energy and character she didn’t say dumb things!!!!!!

    I’m a male. I like females. I like them a lot. If I want to be worthy and enough in this world, I have to prove myself, and earn my own respect and others’ by making enough money, being funny enough, etc.

    That was my attempt at speaking like a male, which, as a female, is the best I could muster. But I think you know what I am saying. As women, we don’t have to do nearly as much to be and feel worthy of sex and attention.

    This is another completely false notion high value men will not accept a women who brings nothing to the table and badboys gangsters and broke men with nothing are getting sex and attention very easily!!!!!!

  • Jeanie Foster

    I was with my ex for 3 years n 6mthns n he cheated on me so we split, before he left me, we were planing to get married in the future, I loved him so much but I became tired of him lying to me every time he opens his mouth, I went into search for help in the internet, I tried many different spells from almost every place locally as well as online and none of them worked, I almost gave up hope because I thought i will never see my lover again forever, one day i saw some testimony about this powerful spell caster Dr. Todd i emailed him and i asked him to help me bring back my lover and he did A Lover Spell for me And after some days, my lover returned back to me I’d like to say that i got a positive result from (manifestspellcast@gmail.com) ever since i used his love spell, my lover have learned to appreciate me more and more, and he doesn’t take me for granted.

  • Hanna Schmitz

    A curse of being a woman?
    What a dumb cunt.
    Ladies,don’t believe this bull shit.
    I know a gal who dictates and controls my friends every waking move and he worships her and they are together 24/7 or she falls apart. They would not know what to do without each other. She is a selfish manipulative bitch too and he knows it and does nothing. They’ve been together for about seven years now.
    That’s proof enough for me that this article is shit lol

  • Jenny Wilson

    I want to share my testimony to the world. My marriage has been a blessing until few months ago when my life almost get sucked. A strange woman took my husband’s love away from me. He left me and our 3 kids to this lady. I was in shocked because i know my husband still loves me. I tried all i could to get him back but the more i tried the more he went far away from me. All my effort yielded nothing. I was almost giving up and wanted to file for a divorce. Then, I went to many spell casters but they all failed taking my money away. I lived in pains for 3 good months without any plan of getting out of this mess. Till I met an old school friend who show me to Dr okolie on( drokoliespiritualtemple @yahoo.com ), a spell witch who then restore the happiness to my family and my life. His spell worked so fast that I could not even believe it. He’s great for as much as I can tell. Am still grateful to him till tomorrow for his spell works. My husband came back with apologies all for the spell powers of Dr okolie. You can also contact him on his email for all your relationship or marital problems: ( drokoliespiritualtemple @yahoo.com )

  • Yaokay

    lol I work with all men, and they all want to have sex with the women they look at, even if they aren’t deprived sooooo ya also this hunter gather stuff, I’d like to think there are some women who’ve evolved even past that .

  • Karl

    The biggest turn-on for a real man is when a woman can truly let him see her authentic self, when she can actually be prepared to let him lead and protect her but what really gets a mans manly juices flowing is a woman who “gets” what respect means to us (Read Love and Respect) as in we need and thrive more from being respected than from being loved. The biggest mistake women make is trying to sidestep respecting us (because they believe it is beneath them or weakness) and compensating for the consequential lack of response from a man by smothering him with love. WE WANT RESPECT ABOVE ANYTHING ELSE!

    I have lost so much drive and passion for my girlfriend, someone I adore and admire, because of her stubborn refusal to hear my need for respect. She constantly avoids giving me the respect I need and thrive on. Her past hurts have made her very controlling which I find such a turn-off and her need to constantly challenge everything I suggest has shredded our intimacy and destroyed what romance I had for her. Her insatiable need to make all the decisions has pushed me away to such a distance that I have begun avoiding her and ignoring just about any arrangements she makes for us to do things together. I simply never get a chance to suggest anything. Single mothers are annoyingly controlling and conveniently deaf to anything outside their frame of absolute control.

    I meet so many single mothers and divorced women with kids who are in one word obnoxious. When will these angry and pushy women realize that men find them so unattractive and off putting? They sit in angry groups, sipping white wine, cursing men and spewing forth unjustifiable hatred for the male species yet they are almost always alone and miserable. Real men are so put off by female power, female aggression and female control that we would choose cleaning the driveway over contact with them. Get a grip women, men are wired to lead, protect and pursue you, not visa versa.

    Sadly, I used to adore my lady, I used to buy the occasional flowers and small gifts, I used to shower her with compliments, I used to seek out her company and find ways to surprise her and spoil her. Now our relationship is fractured. She couldn’t get past her need for total control and pleasing people who don’t actually care about her.

    • JosephineBakerStreet

      You should leave her for the driveway. She’s better off without you.

  • Sarah

    Thanks for your post. I think i need to let it out. I met a guy on my holidays back home. We hit it off. he worked as a Diplomatic in my home town. I am Asian and he is from the states. after I went back to the country where I live and work,he visited me twice. We had a great connection. and he said He will no longer work in my home country and he got transferred to another country soon. I felt so sad and tried not to attach him emotionally. But he said he will visit me again. After he went on holidays back to his home in the states,he still tried to help me for my school applications which he encouraged me to get scholarship in the US. we said we missed each other. I figured out one thing that he was divorced once with the girl who he told is his ex girlfriend. I keep quite and did not ask him at all. I stopped texting him for one week coz i didnt want to disturb his family times and he reached out to me later But just before he moved to another country for diplomatic, he changed not texting me a lot or he sounded just a normal friend. I initiated conversation a few times. my last time was I let him know that i was not selected for scholarship. We started talking about it again and I told him I would move back to my home country and try another times for scholarship. Then he ignored me totally on FB messenger and I saw him online sometimes but never reached out to me. I put him on restricted list on Facebook for a week where he could not see my posts an pics at all then I decided to remove him from that list and he can see all my stuffs. After over one month we didn’t talk/text, I uploaded my new pic on facebook and he straightly liked it. I don’t have any idea at all. I feel so hurt but I still could control my feelings and never confront him yet.PS( when I tried to end the things , he did not want and he said he still wanted to keep in touch and talk to me). I never nag or chase him. Most of the times, i reached out to him were about school applications which he was helping me, coz i dont want him to feel pressured). Now He totally ignores me! 🙁 please tell me somethings.

    • Juanita Juniper

      Find someone else, he is not committed and just wants to be friends. There are many people out there to meet, go !!

  • S23

    Is it possible that masculine men will pull away once they begin to see that you truly do understand them deeply? It seems like this has opened up a man to the idea that a relationship would be possible, but his current circumstances involve a very intense career focus that would make it difficult for him to feel like he can maintain the type of relationship he wants.

  • PrincessAngel

    What do you do to understand them?

  • Jessica L. Annarino

    Unlike Kelly, I can usually let go of the ‘noticing’ other women. My boyfriend has made comments about girls that I just die laughing, comments as if he isn’t even attracted to either sex lmao. When we were 19 he had a girl visually flirting, his comment was “She’s probably 13 with three kids”. While driving, we had a discussion and I mentioned finding someone cute in college, don’t want to go into detail about what it is incase of judgement on the topic – he spent 30 minutes while we were driving trying to find someone he thought was attractive. Just moments from home, he pointed to a guy and said he found him attractive…. it was a friend of his from high school XD

    Men look, but they can think pretty degradingly. you can think they’re CHECKING the females out but they can be just as judgmental as females lol

  • Danielle Hudson.

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  • Sofia Liam

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