Femininity - Dating & Relationship Advice for Women - The Feminine Woman » how to deal with jealous women http://www.thefemininewoman.com Thu, 17 Apr 2014 07:39:33 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.8.3 The Secret of Eliminating Female Competition http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/09/the-secret-of-eliminating-female-competition/ http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/09/the-secret-of-eliminating-female-competition/#comments Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:15:44 +0000 http://www.thefemininewoman.com/?p=2740 The Secret of Eliminating Female Competition You’re a woman; so you know what I’m talking about. There are few things that can be as defeating as the feeling that another woman is better than you. Specifically: more radiant, prettier, taller, a better catch, a better lover, sexier, or having higher status. It’s easy for most […]

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The Secret of Eliminating Female Competition

You’re a woman; so you know what I’m talking about. There are few things that can be as defeating as the feeling that another woman is better than you. Specifically: more radiant, prettier, taller, a better catch, a better lover, sexier, or having higher status. It’s easy for most women to succumb to the feeling of jealousy.

First, I want to tell you that it’s ok that you have that feeling. It’s not evil, or wrong. I’d have to search far and wide to find a woman who (if she was totally honest with herself) hasn’t ever felt sad or upset over the thought or perception that another woman is (or might possibly) be better than she is. If ever. I am no exception.

Here’s why: no woman who is feminine at her core is truly happy unless she is giving her feminine gift to the world. We all, man or woman, want to give our feminine or masculine gifts, and if we ever feel as though we cannot do this, it dampens our spirits, defeats us and it can be crippling.

One of the best gifts of femininity is radiance. Radiance encompasses integrity, beauty, compassion, personal happiness, charm, sexiness, honesty….etc etc. True radiance is not something many women currently have, as this modern society causes many women to lose their natural radiance through work, pressure to chase masculine hobbies or ambitions, being overwhelmed by too many responsibilities, being fed with b******t from trashy magazines, television or radio, and on and on.

The overwhelming feeling among many women is that they are not enough, and it’s just not possible to be truly radiant when you feel this way. It’s a big encumbrance. When you feel like you are not enough, it’s easy, and very possible, for you to start feeling upset or defeated over your perception that another woman has everything you don’t, at every little external trigger. Then you become a walking gaping sore. The slightest trigger and you succumb to the feeling of low self worth.

Living life this way is pretty crap, no?

Most women deal with the feeling that they are not enough by acting pitiful, controlling their man, acting and feeling inferior (almost as if their existence is not meant to be), expecting to (and letting people) treat them badly, bitching about (or actively trying to destroy) other women who are a ‘threat’, making the people around them suffer by doing depression, getting bigger boobs, shoes with a bigger price tag, blonder or faker hair, bigger and more plastic lips…..and on and on.

While you think your competition is that woman over there; your real competition is actually just hopelessness – unempowered, sitting on the couch, feeling undeserving, and thinking that she has no control or power over the situation.

Your competition really is not Jan, or Hannah, or Sarah, or Miss stuck-up. It’s hopelessness. It’s passiveness. It’s mediocrity.

Stop comparing yourself to every other woman whom you may think is prettier, higher status, smarter, or who has a better body, and start comparing yourself to nothing. Are you really worth the lie? The hassle?  But it’s a good way to get connection with yourself, and to feel sorry for yourself.

The secret to beating female ‘competition’ is knowing that the competition is not them; it’s hopelessness. This is why it’s important you have high standards.

Most people try to feel certain and avoid disappointment by feeling as though they could never ‘compare’. Rather the devil you know than the devil you don’t know, as the saying goes. By feeling as though a good life, a good boyfriend, a good family, is beyond them. Want an exercise in futility? Think this way. You could never ever feel empowered by doing this. You could never ever feel great about yourself.

What is life but feelings?

You are playing a game you cannot win. To ‘compare’ yourself to Miss A or B is to drive yourself to a dead end. There’s no way you can ever win. Ever. It’s just an illusion. So, know that no matter how great you are, there’s always going to be someone prettier, hotter, taller, younger, older, smarter, having a better career, or having higher status.

As you read this sentence, another 2 dozen babies are born into this world, younger than you. You can’t ever ‘compare’.

And for those of you (which is all of us) who have ever compared yourself to someone whom you considered to be ‘lower’ than you, uglier than you, fatter than you, less intelligent than you – know that the high you get from this is ephemeral.

The key is to focus on what you can do, and what you can control. You can always contribute more, give more, love more, live more and be more. And that makes you ultimately worthy.

Work daily to become better than you were yesterday.

What do you think about this post? Do you think women are too competitive? Have you had any bad experiences with competitive women you can tell us about? Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other women?

Renee the feminine woman

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How to Deal With Jealous Women http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/04/how-to-deal-with-jealous-women/ http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/04/how-to-deal-with-jealous-women/#comments Sun, 18 Apr 2010 07:44:56 +0000 http://www.thefemininewoman.com/?p=1382 How to Deal With Jealous Women A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy. If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s […]

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How to Deal With Jealous Women

A more physically ‘perfect’ or glamorous woman needn’t always cause jealousy amongst other women, but a beautiful, feminine woman can cause enormous jealousy.

If you’ve always been a beautiful and feminine woman, you would have experienced countless jealous looks and perhaps even jealous schemes, engineered by other women. It’s everywhere. And you can be a plain Jane and cause this jealous stir among other women, because you have something other women feel they do not; the amazing and mysterious force of femininity.

And, jealous women can be women on the street whom you don’t know, or even a jealous friend or jealous friends, in the form of ‘frenemies’ – friends who sometimes seem like a friend, and other times seem to want the worst for you.

Good looks do not keep a man. Every woman knows this deep down. And a physically gorgeous woman; even a famous woman crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, cannot have it all. Take Halle Berry for example, having been cheated on or left by every man she’s been with. Take Marilyn Monroe, who died way before she should have. Take Elle Macpherson, who in her 40s still has gorgeous looks, and yet she hasn’t held or kept a man. Take for example the large number of famous women who have committed suicide or died of some sort of drug overdose. No amount of beautiful looks or fame will fulfill a woman. You can be the most beautiful woman on earth, and still feel unloved.

But when a woman is truly feminine, she tends to never ever be short of men in her life if she’s single, or if she’s taken, she may find it hard to fight off her man’s adoring, admiring affections even if she wanted to. :)

Jealousy on Fire

More often than not, a loving, devoted and amazing man in another woman’s life will cause jealousy on fire in some other women.

More often than not, even if a feminine woman is single, other women will hate her, for no reason other than the fact that this woman has something that they feel is out of reach for them; true, radiant femininity and consequently, beauty! Which is the ultimate attractor of masculinity. Every woman can achieve true femininity, but not every woman does. In fact, women who are jealous are often not even really aware of what this other woman has that she doesn’t. All she knows is that she wants what she’s got, deep down.

Feminine women attract male attention. Feminine women can have the pick of the bunch, and yes, feminine women CAN have it all. Because true femininity is radiant and gives love. It is love and it is a force for life. Feminine energy is adored by men who are masculine at their core (most men), and regardless of her looks, a woman like this may still get the pick of the bunch.

Throughout the course of your life, (if you follow the femininity movement and embrace your feminine sexual core), you will most definitely encounter a trail of hateful and angry women. Regardless of your age. Jealousy isn’t just incited in other women only when you’re young and beautiful. It occurs simply if you are beautiful. And femininity is beautiful. Men will jump hoops to protect it, love it, embrace it and chase it.

Jealous women may just give you a nasty look, a hateful sideways glance, and if you’re lucky, they may bitch about you behind your back. If you’re unlucky, jealous women will go out of their way to bring you down.

And in this heavily masculine ambition driven society, there are plenty of them. Because women suppress their feminine energy to get things done, and to conform. So they don’t often get what they truly want to experience. Which is love.

Ultimately, we’re all looking for a feeling, and more often than not, most women want to fill up with love and to give love. Masculine women don’t tend to attract this in to their lives. So if you are feminine, you’ll have something that they feel they are missing out on, yet don’t quite know what it is or how to achieve it.

And life is unfair to start with. So we don’t all have the same opportunities. We’re not all born with stunning looks, and we’re not all given the requisite knowledge to live happy, fulfilling lives and to enjoy enriching and fulfilling intimate relationships and marriages.

Now if you’re a very feminine woman, you will most likely not feel a great deal of jealousy if you see another beautiful woman who is truly happy. In fact, you’ll most likely be really happy for her and want to revel in this happiness with her. Even if you do not have it yourself! This may be because you feel you too, can have what she has.

You are a rare creature :) not all women can revel in the good fortune of another woman.

If you are the kind of woman who feels guilty being in the spotlight, and although you feel and enjoy being feminine, find it hard to fully enjoy it without feeling bad about taking away the spotlight from other women, please see this post and watch the video.

Never dull your femininity to make other women feel like they are enough.

There’s a reason why anti-feminists often say that it is unattractive women who instigated the first and subsequent waves of feminist movements. (please note: I don’t know how accurately researched this video is, and I am aware that it is not necessarily true that it is solely unattractive women who instigate and support Feminist movements). However, I understand their position and can see why they perceive this to be the truth.

And unattractive is not purely physical. I believe a woman can actually change her looks and become uglier on the outside through her internal thought processes.

One way in which you can deal with jealousy is by befriending the jealous woman and lead her to feel more confident in herself, and being more giving to her. Giving her reasons to feel loved and accepted. That will bring out a different side to her. And, you can show other women who are less confident that they can have, and deserve to have everything that they want and need. However, there are times when women just don’t want to change or feel truly great about themselves. In these cases, you’ve just got to do some serious ‘pattern-breaking’; breaking of their patterns/habits! :)

How to deal with jealous women

If you find yourself in a situation in which you are surrounded by oppressive women who you can sense are not only talking about you behind your back, but actively do things behind your back to bring you down, it’s time to take action. Because you cannot let women like this walk all over you. A woman still has to be able to put her foot down when it is needed. (read my article about passive, aggressive and difficult women)

You may believe that a feminine woman should just stay quiet and perhaps just sacrifice her own needs to avoid being around these women. Not true.

I have said before that a feminine woman needs to have a masculine part to her as well; and this is a situation in which you need to go in to more masculine mode to stand up to women like this.

A story

I’ll give you an example. In my own life, I’ve experienced being in a workplace full of women several times. This time last year I was working as a perfume ambassador. Whilst in some places, women in this type of occupation would be quite feminine (and there were a couple where I worked), there were a few very masculine and butch women.

 

On my first day, I encountered a young woman who also worked as a perfume ambassador, just for a different agent. I adore people, so I cheerfully introduced myself and intended to make a friend. Before I noticed the energy she was putting out. She had no interest in befriending me, in fact she immediately asserted herself as a manager, but made her position sound higher than what it really was. Because I was new there, I was easy to fool.

We shall call her ‘B’.

Immediately, B was asserting herself upon me and I was following her commands, although I actually wasn’t obligated to follower her commands. But she was still very oppressive, and I made the mistake of getting stuck in a ‘master-servant’ type role with her, which was very uncomfortable.

B’s intentions showed up more when I needed her expertise to guide me to where to find items, where other products were located, etc. She would never be concise and accurate. She was always deliberately vague, so much so that I had no idea where she was pointing me to. She wanted me to keep asking her, and ultimately, look foolish. I unfortunately let myself fall in to this role with her repeatedly.

She also knew I was never taught to use a register, and that it wasn’t a part of my job to be able to use one; yet she would tell me to put things through the register in front of a customer, and walk away without offering assistance.

During these incidents, I had to ask her repeatedly for directions and she would roll her eyes at me when I couldn’t follow her instructions. I kept on with this situation because I didn’t really want to believe that she could be so deliberately manipulative.

I noticed also, that her behavior got worse when my man came to visit me at work. He did this often, and was always very affectionate, protective and loving. He often picked me up from my shifts. Sometimes he would bring me a drink or food for my lunch break, and other times he just came briefly, to see how I was. I began to sense that every time he did come to see me, she would pull another woman aside, and talk about me and point at myself and David.

Over time, I noticed that the other women who I thought I had made friends with stopped wanting to talk to me. I felt left out and excluded. I ended up in tears in the ladies’ room, and found it hard to work. I found it hard to push on in this environment, and the energy was very bad.

One day her and another colleague were talking, and she confessed that she had never been on a date (she is 24, nearly 25) or had a man interested in her. I felt bad for ‘B’, and thus continued indicating that I was still open to her, and open to befriending her in some way, as I am with most people.

Until one day I met another colleague from a different department who told me how she was in tears one day after work because of the way ‘B’ had been treating her. I was forced to acknowledge that ‘B’ was preying on seemingly ‘weaker’ and softer women, who were more feminine, and more vulnerable, as this new colleague I met was very feminine.

And this is the trouble with being a very feminine woman. Whilst the majority of men will love you for it, and not want to hurt you in any way, there will be women who will want to put you down. Women, I find, tend to be different around other very feminine women. I’ve met women who love this and feel at home with other feminine women, but I’ve also come across women who smell femininity from a mile away and proceed to trample all over it. I personally love women, and celebrate femininity.

You’re probably wondering how I ended up dealing with ‘B’. One morning, I noticed that one woman whom had always been nice to me stopped talking to me completely and starting being very snarky. I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with B. So I took the liberty of confronting my friend and asked. Indeed, B had told her, among other things, a blatant lie about me.

So I went up to B and confronted her in front of every employee, stating to her that she shall come to me from now on, to tell things to my face, rather than telling fibs behind my back. I proceeded to ask her why she was doing it, and I hadn’t seen myself cause fear in another woman for a long time, but I had to do it to liberate myself and to show her that I wasn’t going to tolerate her behavior.

The point of my story is to show that there are scenarios in which a feminine woman must assert herself and go in to more of a masculine mode. It’s all part of being a dynamic and whole woman who is able to bring out different sides of herself when it is needed. (read my article about light and dark feminine)

You need to raise your level of masculinity, become even more masculine than them, to bring things back to a little more fairness.

When confronted with jealous women, or even other aggressive women who disrespect you or your womanliness, it is important to stand your ground, rather than shy away from it. I learned this lesson, as I let the situation go on a lot longer than I should have!

Do you have any strategies to deal with jealousy from other women? Or do you have any juicy stories? Feel free to share with us :D

Renee the feminine woman

 

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